The Ballad of Knocking Nellie 
Gas Man Coal Man Water Board
The bloke who mends the tele
Its all the same to Harold's Wife
The famous Knocking Nellie
She handles all her creditors,
For years she had no bills
But of Hashing men and Hashing boys
We know she gets her fill
One day when Harold's out at work
She's upstairs with a bloke
It's the football pool collector
and it's nellie's latest poke
She's got his vest and trousers off
She's begging him for more
Just then she hears her husband dear
Come banging at the door
She bungs her lover in the wardrobe
and then she shout's "Oh crumb's"
Cause Hanging out the wardrobe are
The pool collector's plums
Just then Old Harold comes upstairs
and say "Oh halloo dear"
The boss gave me the day off work
And What's these hanging here??
Well Nellie's been through this before
and a very fine tale she tells
Well I've just been out shopping
and I've bought these couple of bells
But there not of the ringing kind.
In fact they're just a joke
So Harold lifts his fingers up
and he gives them bells a poke
He pokes them once and he poke them twice
and agrees the bells are dead
and the bloke inside the wardrobe's going
a funny shade of red
He said, "I'll make them bells go ring
If I hit them with my hammer"
And Nellie sitting on the bed can hardly raise a stammer
Well he HITS them once and he HITS them twice
And still the bells don't ring
So he lifts up his great hammer for to have a final swing
He said "I'll make them bells go ring"
By George he wasn't wrong
Cause the bloke inside the wardrobe shouts
"For Christ Sake Ding Ding Dong"!!
©1971 Bernard Wrigley.