There are many myths and rumors flying about on the internet as to who the real Durwood Douché is. Well, he was actually the talented LA jazz pianist Dick Shreve, aka The Sultan of Smut, who passed away in 2004. Note that the English reissue of this CD is called Big, Banned and Blue (1998).
- Durwood Douche
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Everybody's Fucking But Me
- Why Me, God? (Everybody's Fucking But Me) Time: 3:22
- My Most Favorite Things (I Can't Keep My Mitts Off Your Tits) Time: 2:45
- Air for a Dinosaur (Dinosaur Farting Song) Time: 2:37
- Mister Bumpy (The Flasher Song) Time: 2:55
- These Remind Me of You (Doo-Doo Blues) [aka These Foolish Things Remind Me of You] Time: 3:22
- Merrilou (When I'm Sitting on Your Face) Time: 2:58
- Duet in Blue and Brown Time: 2:45
- The Limerick Blues (Live Performance) [aka Limericks] Time: 4:27
- Here You Are (The Salami Song) Time: 2:58
- I'm in a Pickle (And Vice-A-Versa) Time: 3:25
- 'Front Naughty' Nocturne (Ode to a Bird) Time: 3:28
- Crazy to Be Crazy Over You (You Wiped Your Boogers on My Heart) Time: 3:02
- Without You (My Life is Doo-Doo Without You) Time: 2:45
- The Christmas Gift (Just a Little Christmas Blowjob) Time: 1:45
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For more on the dirty songs of Durwood Douché, read his promo:
Well, just when you thought you’d heard everything…hmmm…maybe you better rethink such high falutin’ thoughts, because you ain’t heard nothing yet. Not until you’ve heard Everybody’s Fucking But Me, the charmingly lascivious ERP release of the music of Durwood Douché.
Back in the late 70’s when the title song, ‘Everybody’s Fucking But Me’ first saw the light of day, it was an immediate underground classic. When Andy Williams heard it back stage at the Nugget Casino, he called it “the best fucking song I’ve ever heard!” Hugh Hefner sent a limo to pick up twenty-five copies to give to friends, and followed up with a short piece in Playboy’s stable mate, Oui, appropriately entitled, ‘Number One With A Boner’. And what were they hearing? Think Sarah Vaughn, 2 A.M. in a dark, intimate setting, and her voice, that voice…..
Everybody’s fucking but me, I’m dying of
terminal lust.
Christ, it’s so depressing to see my plumbing covered with rust.
My sex life is so gloomy, even my dog won’t do me…..
Get the picture? And that’s only the beginning. Think thirteen more cuts of elegant nonsense. Try ‘The Limerick Blues’ direct from ‘the lovely Sewer Supper Club, located deep in the bowels of our fair city’…..
A lovely young lady named Grace
Gave me head through a piece of black lace.
When my sperm was scattered
I saw I had splattered
White freckles all over her face!
Really, I’m not making this up. Now, think that original Berlin gender-bender herself, Marlene Dietrich, decked out in heavy fishnet hose and topped with a smart top hat, pouring it on, “Thank you, danke shon, it’s gwate to be here….hell, I’m a hundred and sixty…it’s gwate to be anywhere”….
When I’m sitting on your face,
Nothing ever can replace
The way that I feel about you.
I can almost see your eyes
There between my twembling thighs
But my t--- seem to block off the view…..
If you love intimate jazz, there are some masterful vocals by a guy who sounds very much like Jack Sheldon. Or, on the other hand, there’s a guy who is doing a send-up of Merle Haggard lamenting the loss of the girl who wiped her boogers on his heart….‘It snot very nice, no, it snot nice at all’…
But the best is saved for last. Think sleigh bells. Think mistletoe. Think eggnog. Think ‘The Christmas Gift’ (‘Just a Little Christmas B--- job’). This may well be the end all of all Christmas Songs.
The presents are opened and dinner is
done.
The ball games are over, the other teams won.
So if he seems a little out of sorts,
Already bored with his new Christmas shorts,
You can give his spirit a lift with just one more gift….pdfPER SOUND
Just a little Christmas bow job will brighten up his day.
Just a little Christmas bow job will soothe his care away…
Okay, so you’ve seen a few of the lyrics, but that doesn’t do justice to the whole sound, the whole feel of this crazy album. It’s an anonymous labor of love (lust?) by some of L.A.’s finest singers and musicians - it’s NOW, it’s YESTERDAY, it’s TOMORROW, it’s an album (make that a CD) for ALL TIME!!! But best of all it’s here right now…..EVERYBODY’S F---ING BUT ME….
Everybody’s fucking but me,
I guess I ain’t got no class.
Lustful guys behind every tree,
it’s just a pain in the ass.
The men just seem to duck me,
I wish they’d fuck and suck me
Everybody’s fucking but me.
Try it! You’ll like it!
- Durwood Douché
A talented guy was Dick Shreve,
Piano skills hard to believe.
And he wrote lim'ricks too
(Mostly racy and blue)
Not designed for the prude or naive
-- Doug Harris