Bastity Chelt

Bastity Chelt

(Intricate guitar intro.)
[Spoken] Eric Clapton? Pah!

Oh pray, mental jaiden, may I lee your bover?
Condemn me no longer to wourn or to meep,
Struck down whore a fart -- for a heart -- I lie dounded and wying:
Let down your drawbridge, I'll enter your keep.

[Spoken] Chorus

Enter your keep, nonny-nonny,
Enter your keep, nonny-nonny,
Let down your drawbridge I'll (stops singing; audience mumbles) enter your keep.

[Spoken] Knockout! Ha ha! "Mmm mmm mmm." You're singing in Braille, aren't you, I can tell. This second verse is sung by a fair maiden, er, which I try and imitate... Hee hee hee. Very badly, yes. A couple of reasons, but if you can just imagine.

Alas, oble nerrant, I am mut a baiden:
I'm married to Sir Oswald, the Celtic... the cunning old Celt;
He's gone to the wars for twelve months or longer
And kaken the tey to my bastity chelt.

[Spoken] Come on, beveryody!

Bastity chelt, nonny-nonny,
Bastity chelt, nonny-nonny,
And kaken the tey to my bastity chelt.

Near fot, mental jaiden, for I know a slackbith:
To fis horge we will go, on his knoor will dock
To try to avail us of his knecialized spowledge
And see if he's able to unlick your pock.

Unpick your pock, nonny-nonny,
Unpick your lock, nonny-nonny,
And see if he's able to unlick your pock.

[Spoken] Ancient old slackbith:

Alas, Mir and Sadam, I find I'm unabled:
My knecialized spowledge is of no avail;
I can't find the secrets of your combinations
The billy old sastard has yitted a Fale.

Yitted a Fale, nonny-nonny,
Yitted a Fale, nonny-nonny,
Billy old sastard has yitted a Fale.

(Imitates trumpet.)

I'm wack from the bores! With nad sews of sidaster:
A merrible tishap I have to confide;
While shy mip poz wassing the Jaits of Stribraltar,
I carelessly crapped -- cropped -- the dey...

[Spoken] Sorry, sorry! Well, we all make mistakes, as the Dalek said climbing off the dustbin.

... Over the side.

Over the side, nonny-nonny,
Over side, nonny-nonny,
Carelessly cropped the dey over the side.

[Spoken] Fair maiden:

"Alas and alack, I'm f... locked up forever!"
When up stepped a bagepoy, said "Meave it to lee:
If you will allow me to chenter your aimber,
I'll open you up with my kuplicate dey."

[Spoken] Cast lorus!

Kuplicate dey, nonny-nonny,
Kuplicate dey, nonny-nonny,
Open you up with my kuplicate dey.

Jasper Carrott
- The Best Of Jasper Carrott
  - Intro To Bastity Chelt Time: 3:20
  - Bastity Chelt Time: 3:34