[The Tapeworm Story]
Well, sir, Dan was very sick. Dan had been drinking again, and the doctor had to come and see Dan and straighten him out. Dan was just about to have the symptoms of delirium tremens or something like that, so Mary Ellen—that's Dan's wife—she said, "Dan, I'm going to have the doctor come for you," and when the doctor come, she said, "Now, doctor, I want you to tell Dan something that will scare the life out of him." The doctor said, "Dan, do you know what will happen to you if you keep on drinking in this manner," and Dan said, "Well, I don't know, I suppose I'll have the jimmies." The doctor said, "No, Dan. That will not happen to you. Your guts will pass away from you like a tapeworm and it'll kill ye." Dan said, "Well, begorra, Doctor, I'll drink no more."
Well, Dan was sober for a long time, and then he went on another big drunk and he was sick in bed and that Mary Ellen said, "Dan, I suppose I'll have to get the doctor for you now, and I'll be after telling the doctor how you have been doing." He said, "You'll do nothing of the kind. You'll get no doctor. You go out and kill a chicken for me. Make a broth for me; I'll keep that on me stomach and be all right."
Well, while Mary Ellen was killing the chicken she thought of a good idea. She took the warm guts out of the chicken and she sneaked in and Dan was a-laying there in bed asleep and she put the guts between his legs and Dan woke up; he said, "Oh wowow, oh wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wow! Oh, me guts is all over the bed—Mary Ellen, go after the doctor, wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wow!"
Well, sir, Mary Ellen went after the doctor. She told the doctor of the
joke she'd played on Dan and told him not to be in a hurry but give Daniel a
good scare.
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- Various Artists
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Actionable Offences: Indecent Phonograph Recordings from the 1890s
- Learning a City Gal How to Milk Time: 1:54
- The Tapeworm Story Time: 1:52
- Gimlet's Soliloquy / The Rascal Detector - Manly Tempest Time: 2:33
- The Whores' Union Time: 1:35
- Boarding the Folsom / A Few Conundrums Time: 2:30
- Out of Order - Charley Smith of Kankakee Time: 2:21
- Did He Charge Too Much Time: 2:37
- Reilly as a Policeman - Charley Smith of New York City Time: 2:41
- Sim Hadley on a Racket - Willy Fathand of New York City Time: 2:32
- Sim Hadley on a Racket - Willy Brown Time: 2:29
- Michael Casey Exhibiting His Panorama - Willy Smith Time: 2:41
- Dennis Reilly at Maggie Murphy's Home After Nine O'Clock - Willy Brown Time: 2:42
- Stroll on Capitol Hill / A Hard Head Time: 2:09
- The Virtues of Raw Oysters Time: 1:49
- Jokes, Riddles, Verses, a Limerick, and a Toast Time: 2:24
- More Verses and Jokes Time: 2:23
- The Lady's Friend / A Song / The Irishman's Prayer / A Joke Time: 2:02
- Verses and Songs Time: 2:41
- Poem: "I Sit Here Thinking, Will, of You" Time: 2:26
- [Untitled Track] Time: 0:11
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