Ode to the Borg

The aliens we see in a hive 
Have great trouble just staying alive. 
   In a cruel twist of fate 
   They found a jump gate. 
Now they're assimilating Babylon 5.

 Ode to Spock

There once was a commander named Spock 
Who sounded so smooth when he'd talk. 
   From the very first day 
   The fans would all say 
'That green blooded Vulcan, we grok!'

 Ode to Ivan Burkoff

Since his briefing with Kirk was up next, 
He reviewed Russian history texts. 
   But by some cosmic quirk 
   The answer was Burke 
Which left Ensign Chekov perplexed.

 Ode to a Security Officer

Captain Kirk had no trouble, it is said, 
Leading those who volunteered to be led. 
   But when landing his troops 
   He would often say 'Oops' 
Which was bad for anyone wearing red.

 A Young Captain  

There was a young Captain named Kirk, 
Whose duty he never did shirk. 
   He was handsome and bold, 
   Hair - a natural gold; 
'That's what you think,' he said with a smirk.  

 A Young Vulcan  

There is a young Vulcan named Spock,
To whom all the young women flock. 
   He is full of allure, 
   But so modest and pure; 
'Til the pon farr makes him run amok.  
#
 A Ship's Doctor   

There was a ship's Doctor called Bones, 
Who'd answers to all of Kirk's groans. 
   'Have a bottle of brandy,
   It might come in handy.' 
And stop those unbearable moans!
#
 A Ship's Engineer   

There was a ship's Engineer - Scott, 
Who often became overwrought. 
   'Ah think ah'll throw up, 
   Cos mah bairns'll blow up; 
Unless this Scot changes the plot!'   
#
 The Helmsman   

The Helmsman was very enthused, 
But his Captain was far from amused: 
   Sulu parried his foil, 
   Forcing Kirk to recoil.
Dumas *would* have been very confused!
#
 A Proud Captain of Gorn  

There was a proud Captain of Gorn, 
Who wished that he'd never been born. 
   'I chased Captain Kirk, 
   Well-armed with my dirk,
But it dropped on my corn and was gorn!'
#
 A Young Ensign   

A young ensign never could tell, 
If Spock favoured hairspray or gel. 
   Pav thought he might kiss,
   The lovely Nurse Chris,
If he used the same brand as well! 
#
 Uhura's Complaint   

Uhura was very annoyed,
At the line she could hardly avoid:
   'Oh Captain I'm frightened,
   My earpiece has tightened,
So now my sang-froid is destroyed!'  

#
 An Ensign Named Wesley  

There once was an ensign named Wesley, 
Who wanted to be Elvis Presley. 
   He wished he could sing,
   As well as 'The King', 
But his 'Teddy Bear' bombed him especially!