A good Jewish mamma most chary,
Found her daughter in love most unwary.
   'What a boy! -- but a Goy!
   He's a positive joy!
So screw if you must, but don't marry!'

                            1971ff.

There once was a mohel from Minsk
Who saved all his customers' skinsk
   Tho they looked odd in a jar
   He was kinder by far
Than his zeyde, who make from them a blintzk.

There once was a shoychet from Chelm
Who would only use knives on an elm.
   To the question most basic --
   Is an elm really fleishig?
He replied, what are you, nuts? It's an elm.

A rabbi who'd never seen lipstick
Was beguiled by a slut from Zalistchyk.
   He awoke with a start
   with regret in his heart
And a most nasty rash on his pippik.

There once was a Jew from Hanoi
Whose schlong he loved to employ
   After an evening with whores
   It developed red sores
And all he could say was, 'Vey Oy!'

There was a Chasid from Nantucket,
Whose gartle was so long he could suck it
   He said with a grin,
   As he wiped off his chin,
'It's herring -- you know what a gartle takes like?

A oil-drilling rabbi from Dallas
Left a dynamite stick in his tallis
   They found his tefillin 
   Right where he was drillin
But his shtriemel wound up in Nogales.

There once was a Hassid from Boston
Who bought an old run-down Austin
   He had room for his ass
   And two gallons of gas
So his tzitzit hung out and he lost 'em

A young man in a Shas yeshiva
Chased a transvestite with a meat cleaver
   He said 'I'll cut off his things
   And his payiss and strings
That seducing, confusing deceiver'

In a shteeble in a small town in Russia
The rabbi was reading a drosha
   When one of the Jews
   Wet his pants in the pews
And said, 'I was trying to rush ya.'

A woman in shul was quite nude
And, although I don't think I'm a prude
   I was embarrassed to discover
   She used the Torah cover
In a way that was shockingly lewd.

We were upset, tho' she wasn't a virgin
And did it without any urgin'
   When the rabbitzen's daughter
   Went into the water
And screwed a beluga sturgeon.

Now you'll ask me, 'She laid with a fish?'
And I'll nod and say, 'Yes, and I wish
   I could say it's not true,
   But between me and you,
She smells like a stale seafood dish.'

In Yiddish a putz is a dick
And a schmuck is a putz that is sick
    A putz that won't function
    Even when used with compunction
In Yiddish is called a schmendrick

An impotant jewish man, Lou,
Was desparately trying to screw.
    The wife cried 'Oy vey, 
    if you continue this way,
The messiah will come before you.'

There was a young lady of title,
Who insisted on wearing a sheitl,
    Of religion as such
    She didn't know much
But thought that a sheitl was vital.

A rabbinical freshman named Rafe,
Lost his letter for playing it safe,
    For he dropped a long pass,
    On the gridiron grass,
When he learned that a football is traif.