A Famous Limerick

A wonderful bird is the Pelican, 
His bill can hold more than his belican. 
   He can take in his beak 
   Food enough for a week; 
But i'm damned if i see how the helican. 

   A Famous Limerick

There was a young fellow of Clyde 
Who went to a funeral and cried; 
   When they asked who was dead, 
   He stammered and said, 
'I don't know -- I just came for the ride'

   A Famous Limerick

There's a wonderful family called Stein,
There's Gert and there's Epp and there's Ein; 
   Gert's poems are bunk, 
   Epp's statues are junk,
And no one can understand Ein.

 'Epp' is American-born British sculptor Sir Jacob Epstein (1880-1959); Gertrude Stein (1874-1946)

A limerick of classic proportion
should have meter and rhyme and a portion
    of humor quite lewd
    and a frightfully crude
impossible sexual contortion.

A very sad poet was Jenny --
Her limerick weren't worth a penny.
    In technique they were sound, 
    Yet somehow she found 
Whenever she tried to write any,
That she always wrote one line too many!

There was a young fellow of Fife
Who had a big row with his wife.
   He lost half his nose,
   Two thirds of his toes,
One ear, seven teeth -- and his life.

There was a young lady of Lynn
Who was deep in original sin.
   When they said, 'Do be good!'
   She said, 'Would that I could!'
And straightway went at it again.

There once was a maid with such graces
That her curves cried aloud for embraces.
   'You look,' said McGee,
   'Like a million to me --
Invested in all the right places.'

There was a young lady from Kent
Who said that she knew what it meant
   When men asked her to dine
   On caviar and wine.
She knew!  How she knew! But she went!

There was a young lady named Bright,
Whose speed was much faster than light.
   She went out one day
   In a relative way
And returned the previous night.

A pansy by name of Ben Bloom
Took a lesbian up to his room,
     They talked the whole night
     As to who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom.

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude
     Saw a man come along,
     And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

There was a young girl named Ann Heuser
Who swore that no man could surprise her.
     But Pabst took a chance,
     Found a Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]