    THE BISHOP OF BIRMINGHAM

There were two young ladies of Birmingham,
And this is the story concerning 'em:
    They lifted the frock
    And diddled the cock
Of the Bishop as he was confirming 'em.

The Bishop was nobody's fool -
He'd been to a large public school;
    He took down his britches
    And diddled those bitches
With his ten-inch Episcopal tool.

But that didn't bother those two;
They said as the Bishop withdrew;
    'Oh, the Vicar is quicker
    And thicker and slicker
And longer and stronger than you.'  

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

There was a young fellow named Bliss       
Whose sex life was strangely amiss,          
    For even with Venus                   
    His recalcitrant penis
Would seldom do better than t                 
                            h               
                            i               
                            s.            

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

# A British diplomat named Danner A political planner named Danner Seduced a very young Japanner. Once planned to seduce a Japanner. Though he diddled for days, Though he diddled for days He could not get a raise, He could not get a raise, From a pecker which hung in this M From his pecker which hung in this m A a N n N n E e R. 1975 r . #

There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he'd at last found a tight 'un.
   He said, "O my love,
   It fits like a glove."
Said she, "But you're not in the right 'un."

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born;
   And he wouldn't have been
   If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn. 

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

There was a young fellow of Buckingham,
Wrote a treatise on cunts and on fucking 'em;
   But later his work
   Was eclipsed by a Turk
Wrote an opus on assholes and sucking 'em.

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

There was a young girl named Ann Heuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
   But Pabst took a chance,
   Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

There was a young fellow named Lancelot
Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot.
     Whenever he'd pass
     A presentable lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot.

[COMPLETE IMMORTALIA, 1971]

  WRITE YOUR OWN LIMERICK

____ ____ is colored, they say.
____ ____ is a terrible lay.
    ____ ____ is a kike,
    ____ ____ is a dyke,
And President _____ is gay.   

                      1967.