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Sacramento Hash Songs v0.1

If Your Girlfriend Tastes Like Shit
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, that’s her asshole not her clit
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over

Zulu Warrior
Olé zooma zooma zooma
Olé zooma zooma hey
Drink it down you Zulu warrior
Drink it down you Zulu chief, chief, chief!

Bye Bye Cherry
Back your ass against the wall
Here I come, balls and all
Bye bye cherry
Won't your mother be disgusted
When she finds your cherry's busted
Bye bye cherry
Wrap your legs around a little tighter
I can feel my load is getting lighter
Shake that ass and wiggle those tits
Until my little pecker spits
Cherry bye bye

Monday Is A Wanking Day
leader: Today is Monday!
all: Today is Monday!
leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
all: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
chorus:
leader: Is everybody happy?
all: You bet your ass we are!
all: (raise cups over heads and make one complete turn while humming) da da dut da da, da da dut da da
leader: Today is Tuesday!
all: Today is Tuesday!
leader: Tuesday is a finger day! (fingering motion)
all: Tuesday is a finger day! (fingering motion)
leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
all: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
chorus
(now that you've got the idea, here are the rest of the days)
Wednesday is a hmmmm day! (stick tongue between 2nd & 3rd fingers)
Thursday is a drinking day! (raise glass in salute)
Friday is a fucking day! (humping motions, cheering, happiness)
Saturday is a hashing day! (running motions, cheering, happiness)day of rest
Sunday is a hashing day (low key, almost quiet)

He's Got A Dose Of Clap
(Clap rhythmically)
He's got a dose of clap on his dick,
He's got a dose of clap on his dick,
He's got a dose of clap on his dick,
And all it does is drip, drip, drip...
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Harriette Song
Well, the wiggle of her ass could make a dead man cum,
And the nipples on her tits are as big as your thumb.
She's a mean motherfucker;
She's a great cock-sucker;
She'a a har-ri-ette!

Hot Vagina
Hot vagina for you breakfast,
Hot vagina for your lunch,
Hot vagina for your dinner,
It’s munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.
It’s delicious and nutritious,
The flavor can’t be beat,
So take a tip and lick a clit,
Hot vagina can’t be beat.

Don't Say No
Oh my darling, don't say no,
Over the sofa you gotta go.
Up with your dress,
And down with your drawers,
You tickle mine,
And I'll tickle yours.

Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder
Put your left leg over my shoulder,
Put your right leg over my shoulder,
(wag tongue)
La la la la la, la la la la, la la la.
Put your left tit over my shoulder,
Put your right tit over my shoulder,
(shake head)
Bla bla bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla, bla bla bla.
Drink Two Beers
We drink two beers in the morning
We drink two beers at night
We drink two beers in the afternoon
It makes us feel alright
We drink two beers in times of peace
And two in times of war
We drink two beers before we drink two beers
And then we drink two more
Drink it down, down, down, down…
It's A Small Dick
Well it isn’t long and it isn't thick,
It gets hard too slow and it cums too quick,
It gets lost in her twat,
But it's all that he's got,
It's a small, small, dick.
It's a small dick after all,
It's a small dick after all,
Always limp from alcohol,
It's a small, small, dick!
Don’t Mess My Hairdo
Get it up, get it in, get it out
Don't mess my hairdo
You've got a dick, but you should lick
Move that tongue around
Hit the spot, make me hot,
I will scream out loud
Get it up, get it in, get it out
Don't mess my hairdo
You've got a dick, but you should lick
Move that tongue around
Suck my toes, insert your hose
make my juices flow
Get it up, get it in, get it out
Don't mess my hairdo
You've got a dick, but you should lick
Move that tongue around
When I have cum, and I am done
We'll start another round
Get it up, get it in, get it out
Don't mess my hairdo
You've got a dick, but you should lick
Move that tongue around
Holiday Song
Oh the weather outside is frightful,
but my dick is so delightful,
and if you really want to see it grow,
give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow.
Head
Head?!?
Who said head?
I'll have some of that
and we did
and it was good!
and there was much rejoicing!
and then we fucked!
we fucked for hours,
uprooting trees and shrubs and flowers,
like vikings, with horns on our head!
head?!?
who said head....
i’ll take some of that
(optional ending…)
we don't want women/men with good taste!
we want women/men that taste good!
Dinah, Won't You Blow Me?
To the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad"
Dinah, won't you blow me
Dinah, won't you blow me
Dinah, won't you blow my hooorrr-orn?
Dinah, won't you blow me
Dinah, won't you blow me
Dinah, won't you blow my horn?
Someone's in my sister's vagina
Someone's in my sister I knooo-oowww
Someone's in my sister's vagiiii-naah
Pumping like a dynamo
Dynamo, dynamo, dynamo
Dough, the Stuff that Buys Me Beer
To the tune of "Do Re Mi"
Dough, the stuff that buys me beer
Ray, the guy who brings me beer
Me, the guy who drinks the beer
Fa(hr), a long way to the beer
So, I'll have another beer
La(ff), and have another beer
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer
And that brings us back to
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
Fuck a Duck
To the tune of "Do Re Mi"
Fuck a duck, a female duck
Screw a baby kangaroo
Fingerbang an orangutang
Let an elephant do you
Feel the penis of an eel
Whack the asshole of a yak
Masturbate with a gnu
And that brings us back to
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
Give Me an A!
Give me an A! (A!)
Give me an A! (A!)
Give me another A! (A!)
What's it spell?
Aaaaahhhhhhh.
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday, fuck you
Happy birthday, fuck you
Happy birthday, fuck you
Happy birthday, fuck you
Here’s To Him
Here’s to <name>, he's true blue
He's a hasher, through and through
He's a scumbag/pisspot/asshole, so they say
Tried to go to heaven but he went the other way
[Here’s to him, he’s superior,
Here’s to him he’s a horse’s posterior
Here’s to him, he’s got class,
Here’s to him, he takes it up the ass!]
He's the Meanest
He's the meanest
He sucks the horse's penis
He's the meanest
He's the horse's ass
Ever since he found it (hey!)
All he does is pound it (hey!)
He's the meanest
He's the horse's ass
So drink chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug
He Oughta Be Publicly Pissed On
He oughta be publicly pissed on
He oughta be publicly shot (bang bang)
He oughta be tied to a urinal
And left there to fester and rot
Here's to Brother Hasher
Here's to Brother Hasher
Brother hasher, brother hasher
Here's to Brother Hasher
May he chug-a-lug
He's happy, he's jolly
He's fucked up, by golly
Here's to Brother Hasher
May he chug-a-lug
So drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker
Drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker
Here's to Brother Hasher
May he chug-a-lug
Her Left Tit Hangs Down
To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean"
Her left tit hangs down to her belly
Her right tit hangs down to her knee
If her left tit did equal her right tit
She'd get lots more weenie from me
(Can be followed by "They Say She's a Joy to Her Mother" )
His One Skin Hangs Down
To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean"
His one skin hangs down to his two skin
His two skin hangs down to his three
His three skin hangs down to his fore skin
His fore skin hangs down to his knees
Roll back, roll back
Roll back his foreskin for him, for him
Roll back, roll back
Roll back his foreskin for him
Hold It in Your Hand, Mrs. Murphy
Hold it in your hand, Mrs. Murphy
It only weighs a quarter of a pound
It's got hair round its neck like a turkey
And it spits when you jerk it up and down, down, down, down....
Hymn
Hymn, hymn
Fuck him
Love Me Tender
To the tune of "Love Me Tender"
Love me tender
Love me sweet
Wrap your lips around my meat
Watch me smile and watch me grin
As my cum rolls down, down, down, down....
Meet the Hashers
To the tune of "The Flintstones"
Hashers, meet the hashers
We're the biggest drunks in history
From the Hash of Sacto
We’re the leaders in debauchery
Half-minds, trailing shiggy through the years
Watch us, as we drink a lot of beers
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down
Down down down down down
Down down down down down down
Now You've Finally Shut Up
(Female version)
We’re glad you've finally shut up
You've finally quit your bitchin'
So drink your beer, get out of here
And get back in the kitchen
(Male version)
Now you've finally shut up
You sorry son of a bitch
So drink your beer, get out of here
You make my asshole itch
The Old Brown Cow
The old brown cow went thfpppt! up against the wall
Thfpppt! up against the wall
Thfpppt! up against the wall
The old brown cow went thfpppt! up against the wall
And now it's covered with shit, shit, shit
Our Lager
Spoken, not sung; this is a fucking prayer, after all. Show some goddamn respect.
Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk
I will be drunk
At home as in the tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillages
As we forgive those who spill beer against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the Beer, the Bitter and the Lager
For ever and ever
Barmen
Pissonya
Pissonya, pissonya, pissonya
In Russian it means I love ya
If I had my way
I'd piss on ya all day
Pissonya, pissonya, pissonya
Shitonya, shitonya, shitonya
In Russian it means I adore ya
If I had my way
I'd shit on ya all day
Shitonya, shitonya, shitonya
Cumonya, cumonya, cumonya
In Russian it means I need ya
If I had my way
I'd cum on ya all day
Cumonya, cumonya, cumonya
Sally in the Alley
Sally in the alley, sifting cinders
Lifted up her skirt and farted like a man
The wind from her butt blew out six winders
The cheeks of her ass went bam! bam! bam!
She's a Little Sexpot
To the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot"
She's a little sexpot
Short and squat
Here are her handles
Here is her twat
When she gets all steamed up
Hear her shout
"Bend me over
And eat me out!"
Shitty Trail
To the tune of "The Mickey Mouse Club"
S-H-I, T-T-Y
T-R-A-I-L
Shitty trail (It sucked!)
Shitty trail (Totally fucked!)
I'd rather sit here
And drink my beer
Than run your shitty trail
Skeeter on My Peter
To the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It"
There's a skeeter on my peter, whack it off
There's a skeeter on my peter, whack it off
There's a dozen on my cousin
I can hear those fuckers buzzin'
There's a skeeter on my peter, whack it off
A Soldier I Will Be
To the tune of "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik"
Asshole, asshole
A soldier I will be
To piss, to piss
Two pistols on my knee
For cunt, for cunt
For country and my queen
Asshole asshole asshole asshole
A soldier I will be
There Was a Little Bird
There was a little bird
No bigger than a turd
Sitting on a telephone pole
He ruffled up his neck
And shit about a speck
And puckered up his little asshole
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole
He puckered up his little asshole
Twenty Toes
There's a game called 20 toes,
It's played all over town,
The women play with ten toes up,
The men with ten toes down, down, down, down, ...
What a Wank
To the tune of the William Tell Overture
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank
What a wank, what a wank wank wank
When It's Hog Calling Time
When it's hog-calling time in Nebraska
When it's hog-calling time in Nebraska
When it's hog-calling time in Nebraska
Then it's hog-calling time in Nebraska
Boom chug-a-lugga-lugga, boom chug-a-lugga-lugga
Boom chug-a-lugga-boom
Boom chug-a-lugga-lugga, boom chug-a-lugga-lugga
Boom chug-a-lugga-boom
(King Rongjon's air guitar solo)
(Alternate verses)
When it's sheep-fucking time in New Zealand
When it's sheep-fucking time in New Zealand
When it's sheep-fucking time in New Zealand
Then it's sheep-fucking time in New Zealand
When it's cow-punching time in Texas
When it's cow-punching time in Texas
When it's cow-punching time in Texas
Then it's cow-punching time in Texas
When It's Incest Time in Texas
To the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas"
When it's incest time in Texas
And there's no cunt to be found
Your mother's in the bathroom
With her panties halfway down
No time for masturbation
No time to beat your meat
When it's incest time in Texas
Mother-fucking can't be beat!
Where, Oh Where, Were You Last Week?
To the tune of that song from "Hee-Haw"
Where, oh where, were you last week?
Why did you make us hash all alone?
You fat lazy bastard, you weren't even here
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the beer
Down, down, drink it all down
Drink it all down, drink all of that beer
You fat lazy bastard, you weren't even here
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the beer
Whip It Out at the Ball Game
To the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
Whip it out at the ball game
Wave it round at the crowd
Dip it in peanuts and cracker jack
If you like you can give it a whack
'Cause it's beat your meat at the ball game
If you don't come it's a shame
For it's one, two, you've covered in goo
At the old ball game
Why Are We Waiting
To the tune of "O Come All Ye Faithful"
Why are we waiting
We could be masturbating
O why are we waiting
So fucking long?
(Why why why why why why why)
Why are we waiting
We could be fornicating
O why are we waiting
O why are we waiting
O why are we waiting
So fucking long?
Why Was He Born So Beautiful?
Why was he born so beautiful
Why was he born at all?
He's no fucking use to anyone
He's no fucking use at all
He may be a joy to his mother,
But he's a pain in the asshole to me!
With an F, With an F, With an F-U-C
To the tune of the William Tell Overture
With an F, with an F
With an F-U-C
With an F-U-C-K-Y-O-U
With an F, with an F
With an F-U-C
With a K, Y-O-U
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you in the morning
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you in the evening
With an F, with an F
With an F-U-C
With an F-U-C-K-Y-O-U
With an F, with an F
With an F-U-C
With a K, Y-O-U
Would You Like a Finger?
Would -- you like -- a finger in your ear
Or would -- you like -- a finger in your rear
(Beer held over head, twirling)
No sir, not fucking likely
Not fucking likely
Not fucking like-ly
Hey! Drink, drink, drink, drink....
Bestiality's Best
Can also be sung substituting "boys" for the individual names
Chorus:
Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best -- FUCK A WALLABY!
Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best.
Tie me wallaby down, boys,
Tie me wallaby down,
You can't fuck him when he's hopping around, boys,
So tie me wallaby down.
Change your luck with a duck, Chuck,
Change your luck with a duck,
A duck's a marvellous fuck, Chuck,
So change your luck with a duck.
A drake's the best all around, mate,
A drake's the best all around,
Its entry's surrounded by down, mate,
A drake's the best all around.
A camel's a hell of a lay, Kay,
A camel's a hell of a lay,
Humping the hump, as they say, Kay,
A camel's a hell of a lay.
A moose is no bloody use, Bruce,
A moose is no bloody use,
She's big, she's mean, and she's loose, Bruce,
A moose is no bloody use.
You can shoot your load in a toad, dude,
You can shoot your load in a toad,
If there's nothing else to be rode, dude,
You can shoot your load in a toad.
Me wife was raped by an ape, Nate,
Me wife was raped by an ape,
She's in marvellous sexual shape, Nate,
Ever since she was raped by an ape.
A rhino's a hell of a treat, Pete,
A rhino's a hell of a treat,
The horniest thing on four feet, Pete,
A rhino's a hell of a treat.
A mongoose is no piece of cake, Jake,
A mongoose is no piece of cake,
He'll attack your one-eyed snake, Jake,
A mongoose is no piece of cake.
You can come again in a hen, men,
You can come again in a hen,
When you've had everything else in the pen, men,
You can come again in a hen.
Try to give a badger a roger, boys,
Give a badger a roger
A badger's a hell of a dodger, boys,
You just can't roger a badger.
You can go the course on a horse, Morris,
You can go the course on a horse,
There's lots of animals worse, Morris,
You can go the course on a horse.
You can try your log in a frog, boys,
You can try your log in a frog,
If it's the only thing in the bog, boys,
You can try your log in a frog.
You can stick your pole in a mole, Cole,
You can stick your pole in a mole,
If your pole's incredibly small, Cole,
You can stick your pole in a mole.
You can try to screw a red 'roo, Lou,
You can try to screw a red 'roo,
Be careful it doesn't screw you, Lou,
When you try to screw a red 'roo.
An ostrich can give you a ride, Clyde,
An ostrich can give you a ride,
When you get your weapon inside, Clyde,
An ostrich's a real wild ride.
You can try getting bare with a bear, Clare,
You can try getting bare with a bear,
But he's attached to his hair, Clare,
So don't try to make him get bare.
Screwing a turtle's a lark, Mark,
Screwing a turtle's a lark,
If you've got foreskin like bark, Mark,
Then screwing a turtle's a lark.
A gator is tricky to boff, Toff,
A gator is tricky to boff,
Wrong end and you'll get it bit off, Toff,
A gator is tricky to boff.
Any old beast for a fuck, Chuck,
Any old beast for a fuck,
Even an Irishman's luck, Chuck,
When you need a beast for a fuck.
You can get it on with an iguana, Donna,
You can get it on with an iguana,
But only if you really wanna, Donna,
You can get it on with an iguana.
Put your log up a dog, Claude,
Put your log up a dog,
Don't you fancy a dog, Claude,
Put your log up a dog, 'cause . . .
More verses:
Stick your lug in a slug, Doug (Aren't you hot for a slug, Doug?)
Slip your slew to a ewe, Lou (Don't you dream of a ewe, Lou?)
Get turned on by a duck, Chuck (Doesn't that make you go quack, Chuck?)
Tickle the clit of a gnat, Matt (Isn't that just where it's at, Matt?)
Rough love with a horse, Boris (You gotta use force with a horse, Boris)
The Engineer's Song
An engineer told me before he died
Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum
An engineer told me before he died
Ah-hum, ah-hum
An engineer told me before he died
I have no reason to think he lied
Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum
Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum
He had a wife with a cunt so wide
Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum
He had a wife with a cunt so wide
Ah-hum, ah-hum
He had a wife with a cunt so wide
That she could never be satisfied
Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum
Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum
So he built a bloody great wheel...
With two balls of brass and a prick of steel
The balls of brass he filled with cream...
And the whole bloody thing was powered by steam
He tied her down onto the bed...
And lashed her arms above her head
There she lay demanding a fuck...
He shook her hand and he wished her luck
Round and round went the bloody great wheel...
And in and out went the prick of steel
Up and up went the level of steam...
Down and down went the level of cream
Til at last the maiden cried...
Enough! Enough! I'm satisfied!
Now we come to the tragic bit...
There was no way of stopping it
She was split from ass to tit...
And the whole bloody room was covered in shit
It jumped off her and it jumped on him...
And then it went after his next of kin
It hopped onto an uptown bus...
It's coming to fuck the rest of us!
The last time that machine was seen...
It was in Buckingham Palace fucking the queen
The moral of this story is clear...
You just don't fuck with an engineer!
Gang Bang
Chorus:
I love a gang bang, oh yes I will
Because a gang bang gives me such a thrill
When I was younger and in my prime
I used to gang bang all the tiii-iiime
But now I'm older and turning grey
I only gang-bang twice a day-ay
Knock knock (who's there?)
Ida (Ida who?)
Ida want another gang bang... (chorus)
Knock knock (who's there?)
Turner (Turner who?)
Turner over, let's have another gang bang... (chorus)
Gladiator...
Gladiator out before the gang bang...
Oliver...
Oliver clothes were off at the gang bang...
Ranger...
Ranger for best entry at the gang bang...
Dolly Parton...
Dolly's partin' her thighs at the gang bang...
Ben Dover...
Ben Dover and have another gang bang...
Police...
Po-leeze take me to the gang bang...
Extinct...
It stinked like fish at the gang bang...
Sharon...
Share and share alike at the gang bang...
Alice...
At least he stopped bringing his grandma to the gang bang...
Anita...
Ah needa little rest before the gang bang...
Eisenhower...
Eisenhower late for the gang bang...
Tijuana...
Tijunana bring your mamma to the gang bang...
Charlie Pride...
Charlie pried her legs apart at the gang bang...
Irish...
Irish we were at the gang bang...
Banana...
Banana na na, na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na, na na na na
Na na na na na na na na-ah
Orange...
Orange you glad I didn't say
Banana na na, na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na, na na na na
Na na na na na na na na-ah
Cuba...
The capital of Cuba is
Havanana na na, na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na, na na na na
Na na na na na na na na-ah
San Francisco...
The former quarterback of the San Francisco Forty-Niners is
Joe Montanana na na, na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na, na na na na
Na na na na na na na na-ah
The Hairs of Her Dickey Di-Do
Also known to purists as "The Mayor of Bayswater"; see alternate start below .
The Mayor of Bayswater, he had a lovely daughter
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
Chorus:
And the hairs (and the hairs)
And the hairs (and the hairs)
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
One black one, one white one, and one with a little shite on
And one with a little light on, to show us the way
(chorus)
She's not a great looker, but everyone took 'er
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
You'd need a coal miner to find her vagina
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
If she were my daughter I'd have them cut shorter
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
I've touched it, I've licked it, it tastes just like brisket
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
She lived by the waterfront, with the waves lapping up and down her cunt
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
She married an Italian, who was hung like a fucking stallion
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
She divorced the Italian, and married the stallion
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
I folded her lips back, and there found a six-pack
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
It was always hit-or-miss, whether I could find her clitoris
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
I reached into her thing, and there found my class ring
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
I've licked it, I've felt it, it was just like velvet
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
She says that she's not a whore, but she bangs like a shithouse door
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
The aroma it lingers, it smells like fish fingers
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
She stayed in Seattle, and went down on cattle
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
She met a Hash House Harrier, who fucked her but wouldn't marry her
And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees
(chorus)
I Used to Work in Chicago
Chorus:
I used to work in Chicago
In a department store
I used to work in Chicago
But I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for a computer (a computer from the store)
A computer she wanted, my Wang she got,
I don't work there anymore.
(chorus)
Verses for men:
A lady came in for a sweater...
"Jumper," she wanted, jump her I did...
A lady came in for some seafood...
Seafood she wanted, crabs she got...
A lady came in for a floppy disk...
Floppy disk she wanted, my hard drive she got...
A lady came in for some plumbing...
Plumbing she wanted, my pipe she got...
A lady came in for a pipe...
Pipe she wanted, hosed she got...
A lady came in for a doughnut...
Glazed she wanted, cream filled she got
A lady came in for an elevator...
Elevator she wanted, my shaft she got...
A lady came in for some carpet...
Carpet she wanted, laid she got...
A lady came in for a hammer...
Hammer she wanted, nailed she got...
A lady came in for a carpet...
Carpet she wanted, shagged she got...
A lady came in for some metaphysical conversation...
Metaphysical conversation she wanted, fuck she got...
A lady came in for some bolts...
Bolts she wanted, my nuts she got...
A lady came in for a ham...
Ham she wanted, porked she got...
A lady came in for some stockings...
Stockings she wanted, a hosing she got...
A lady came in for some butter...
Butter she wanted, spread she got...
Verses for women:
A man came in for a balloon...
A balloon he wanted, blown he got...
A man came in for some wheels...
Wheels he wanted, rimmed he got...
A man came in for a beer...
Bavarian he wanted, bush he got...
A man came in for a doughnut...
Doughnut he wanted, my hole he got...
A man came in for a horse...
Horse he wanted, ridden he got...
A man came in for some carpet...
Shag he wanted, piles he got...
The Jesus Song
To the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"
Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together
Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together
Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Chorus:
Free beer for all the Hashers
Free beer for all the Hashers
Free beer for all the Hashers
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Jesus can't lay trail because the flour falls through his hands
Jesus can't lay trail because the flour falls through his hands
Jesus can't lay trail because the flour falls through his hands
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
(chorus)
The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake
The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake
The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
(chorus)
(spread arms)
The harriettes love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this
The harriettes love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this
The harriettes love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
(chorus)
(on your knees)
Jesus, we're only kidding
Jesus, we're only kidding
Jesus, we're only kidding
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
(chorus)
My Girl's a Vegetable
Chorus:
My girl's a vegetable
She lives in a hospital
I'd do most anything
To keep her alive
She's got a new TV
It's called an EKG
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
Her EKG does not rise
Still she can part her thighs
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
She has no arms or legs
Just hooks and wooden pegs
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
She has no feet or hands
Her head's held on by rubber bands
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
She's got a tracheotomy
She can breathe while giving head to me
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
She cannot hear, she cannot see
But she's got an oral cavity
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
She can't get out of bed
Still she can give me head
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
She might not live out the night
So she won't put up a fight
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
She's had an episiotomy
That's a bigger hole for me
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
My girl has leprosy
Bits and pieces land all over me
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
I'm always guaranteed a blow
Because she cannot say no
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
My girl has long blonde hair
It's in patches here and there
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
There's one doctor I won't let in
That's Dr. Kevorkian
I'd do most anything to keep her alive
(chorus)
The S&M Man
Can also be sung as "The S&M Girl" for those so inclined
Who can take a bicycle (who can take a bicycle)
Tear off the leather seat (tear off the leather seat)
Impale a virgin on it and push her down a bumpy street?
Chorus:
The S&M Man, the S&M Man
The S&M Man can 'cause he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good (makes the hurt feel good)
Alternate chorus (sing after every five or six verses):
The S&M Man, the S&M Man
He's the one who hurt your mother
Sodomized and raped your brother
There can never be another (doo-di-doo, doo-di-doo)
Who can take a dildo
Ram it up your rear
Fuck you all night long
Until the shit comes out your ears?
(chorus)
Who can take a chainsaw
Rev it up real high
Shove it up your ass
Just to hear you scream and sigh?
(chorus)
Who can take some sandpaper
With some very nasty grit
Rub it back and forth
Until you have a bleeding clit?
(chorus)
Who can take a sander
Made by Black and Decker
Rub it up and down
Until you've got a bloody pecker?
(chorus)
Who can take a chainsaw
Cut the bitch in two
Fuck the bottom half
And toss the other half to you?
(chorus)
Who can take Grandpa
Pump him full of 'ludes
Drop him in a gay bar
With a bunch of horny dudes?
(chorus)
Who can take Grandma
Throw her on the lawn
Fuck her up the rear
While Grandpa cheers him on?
(chorus)
Who can take a candle
Melt it on your skin
Watch it blister up
Then stick it with a pin?
(chorus)
Who can take a tire iron
Stick up your hole
Screw a jack way up your ass
Until you rock 'n roll?
(chorus)
Who can find some newlyweds
Sneak into their room
Fuck the bride in bed
And then sodomize the groom?
(chorus)
Who can take a little girl
Before she's on the rag
Fuck her till she's dead
And then toss her in a bag?
(chorus)
Who can take a pussy
Suck out all the yeast
Spit it in some dough
And bake up a tasty feast?
(chorus)
Who can take two ice picks
Stick one in each ear
Ride you like a Harley
While he fucks you up the rear?
(chorus)
Who can take a light bulb
Shove it up your ass
Fuck you up the rear
Until you're shitting chunks of glass?
(chorus)
Who can shave a pussy
Without the shaving cream
Slap some on some Aqua Velva
Just to hear her yell and scream?
(chorus)
Who can take a glass rod
Shove it up his prick
Lay it on the table
And smash it with a brick?
(chorus)
Who can take a cheese grater
Strap it to his arm
Rub it back and forth
'Til he makes pussy parmesian?
(chorus)
Who wears pants with zippers
With no underwear
Then pulls it up and down
Until he has no pubic hair?
(chorus)
Who can take a pregnant woman
Fuck her til she's dead
Fuck her even harder
Til the fetus gives him head?
(chorus)
Who can take a baby
Lay it on a bed
Turn the bugger over
And fuck the soft spot in its head?
(chorus)
Who can go to an abortion clinic
Sneak around the back
Rummage through the dumpster
'Til he finds a tasty snack?
(chorus)
Who can go to an abortion clinic
Forget about the back
Run right through the front door
And suck a fresh one from her crack?
(chorus)
Who can take your scrotum
Stick it with a pin
Hang on a bunch of weights
Until it drags down to your shins?
(chorus)
Who can take just two bricks
Take one in each hand
Bang them on his balls
Like the cymbals in the band?
(chorus)
Who can drive an ambulance
To a totalled Cadillac
Fuck the injured woman
And her daughters in the back?
(chorus)
Who can take some jumper cables
Attach one to each tit
Connect them to a Mack truck
'Til she has orgasmic fits?
(chorus)
Who rubs down with honey
Just to have a chance
To lay out on the lawn
And be a picnic for fire ants?
(chorus)
Who can shave his body
Pubic parts and all
Swim around all day
In a pool of alcohol?
(chorus)
Who ties down his sweetie
Every single day
Covers her with rats
And lets the kitties in to play?
(chorus)
Who can take some shackles
Chain you to the walls
Fill a glass with sperm
By lancing both your balls?
(chorus)
Swing Low
Hand gestures are required, but they can't be reproduced here.
Swing low, sweet chariot (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home
I looked over Jordan
And what did I see (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home
A band of angels
Coming after me
Coming for to carry me home
If you get there before I do (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home
Tell all my friends
I'm coming too (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home
Repeat with humming, Scooby Doo, double-time with tongues out
The Woodpecker Song
I put my finger in a woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul,
Take it out, take it out, take it out,
REMOVE IT."
I removed my finger from the woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul,
Put it back, put it back, put it back,
REPLACE IT."
Continuing variations:
Turn it round/REVOLVE IT
Other way/REVERSE IT
In and out/RECIPROCATE IT
Speed it up/ACCELERATE IT
Slow it down/RETARD IT
Once again/REPEAT IT
Leave it in/RELAX IT
Pull it out/RETRACT IT
Take a whiff/REVOLTING
Yo Ho
I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her toe
She said, "Hey hasher, you're way too low!"
"Get it in, get it out, quit fucking about!"
Yo ho, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her knee...
She said, "Hey hasher, quit teasing me!"
I put my hand upon her thigh...
She said, "Hey hasher, you're way too shy!"
I put my hand upon her tit...
She said, "Hey hasher, you're getting it!"
I put my hand upon her twat...
She said, "Hey hasher, you've hit the spot!"
I put my dick into her mouth...
She said, "Mmrphhh mmrfrm fmmrrf mrphhh mmrfrm fmmrrf!"
And now she lies in a wooden box...
From sucking too many hasher's cocks
We did her up every now and then...
We fucked her once, we'll fuck her again!
Yogi Bear
There's a bear in the deep dark woods
Yogi, Yogi
There's a bear in the deep dark woods
Yogi, Yogi Bear
Yogi, Yogi Bear
Yogi, Yogi Bear
There's a bear in the deep dark woods
Yogi, Yogi Bear
Yogi has a little friend
Boo Boo, Boo Boo
Yogi has a little friend
Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear
Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear
Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear
Yogi has a little friend, Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear
Boo Boo Bear has no teeth
Gummy, Gummy
Boo Boo Bear has no teeth
Gummy, Gummy Bear
Boo Boo's only three feet tall
Yogi, Yogi
Boo Boo's only three feet tall
Yogi's a lucky bear
Additional verses:
Yogi has a girlfriend (Cindy)
Cindy likes it on the ice (Polar)
Cindy likes it up the ass (Brown Bear)
Cindy likes it on the ice (Polar)
Cindy has a shaven snatch (Grizzly)
Cindy likes it in the dark (Black Bear)
Cindy likes it upside down (Koala)
Yogi has a cheesy dick (Camem -- Camenbear)
Yogi likes to roll his own (Smokey)
Cindy's white and Yogi's black (Panda)
Yogi has a twelve-inch cock (Lucky)
Boo Boo says he has one too (Liar)
Cindy Bear likes lingerie (Teddy)
Cindy's in the NRA (Right to -- Right to Bear)
Cindy Bear has double Ds (More than -- More than I can bear)
Cindy likes menage a trois (Boo Boo -- Boo Boo's a lucky bear)
Conclusion:
Yogi Bear has HIV
Dying, dying
Yogo Bear has HIV
Dying, dying bear
Dying, dying bear
Dying, dying bear
Yogo Bear has HIV
Dying, dying bear
Originally assembled as Gypsy Songs by Enter the Gerbil, Gypsies in the Palace H3
Reformatted and modified 4/22/2006 by Crag Fag for the Sacramento H3