Below is the Kansas City Hash House Harriers Song Book. If you wish to verify the text below, please download the original MS-Word file.
Songs Scavenged by Skunk Chaser and Buttsy Ross May, 2005
Kansas City Hash House Harriers*
*The Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Song Book
Song List
Song List 2
Hare’s Down Down 3
Here’s to 3
Returner’s Song 3
Her Left Tit 3
He's the Meanest 3
Here’s to Brother (Sister) Hasher(s) 4
Happy Birthday 4
Why are we Waiting? 4
His One Skin 4
They (He/She) Ought to be Publicly Pissed on Skin 4
Why Was He (She) Born so Beautiful? 5
Love me Tender 5
The Ole Brown Cow 5
Sally in the Alley 5
There was a Little Bird 5
If Your Girl Tastes Like Shit 5
Dead Dog Rover 6
A Soldier I Will Be 6
Take Me Out to the Ball game 6
Hog Calling Time in Nebraska 6
Meet the Hashers 6
Dough, the Stuff That Buys Me Beer 7
Sit On My Face and Tell Me That You Love Me 7
Mrs Murphy 7
Daisy, Daisy 7
Bye Bye Cherry 7
Dinah 8
Head, Who said head? 8
Days of the Week 8
Sex is Boring 9
I Don't Want To Join The Army 9
God Bless My Underpants 10
RingDangDoo 10
End of the Month Comes Along 11
The Engineer Song 11
Swing Low 12
Father Abraham 13
Bestiality’s Best 13
Aahlawetta 14
I Put My Hand 14
Yogi Bear Song 15
(I Want A) Gang Bang 17
Chicago 17
My Name is Jack 21
SEASONAL SONGS 23
Twelve Days Of Hashing 23
My Sister Belinda 23
Let is Snow 24
I went down to Tijuana 24
Hare’s Down Down
(Melody: theme to Mickey Mouse)
S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L,
Shitty trail,
Shitty trail,
The hares went and laid a shitty trail,
I would rather drink warm beer than run their shitty trail,
S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L,
So drink it down, down, down . . .
Here’s to
Here's to (insert name),
He's true blue,
He's a Hasher,
Through and through,
He's a pisspot,
So they say,
Tried to go to heaven,
But he went the other way,
So drink it down, down, down…
Returner’s Song
(Melody: Hee Haw’s where oh where, were you last week)
Where oh where were you last week,
Why did you make us hash all alone
You fat lazy bastards you weren’t even here,
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the beer.
Down, Down, Drink it all down,
Drink it on down, drink all of that beer,
You fat lazy bastard you weren’t ever here,
So we drank all the virgins and fucked all the beer
So drink it down, down…
Her Left Tit
(Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)
Her left tit hangs down to her right tit,
Her right tit hangs down to her knee.
If her left tit did equal her right tit,
She'd get lots of weenie from me.
Drink it down, down, down…
He's the Meanest
He’s the meanest
He sucks the horse's penis,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.
Ever since he found it,
All he does is pound it,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.
So drink it down, down, down…
Here’s to Brother (Sister) Hasher(s)
Here's to brother (sister) hasher,
Bother hasher, brother hasher,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
He's happy, he's jolly,
He's fucked up by golly,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, you asshole,
Happy birthday, fuck you.
Drink it down, down, down…
Why are we Waiting?
Melody--Come Let Us Adore Him
Why are we waiting,
Could be fornicating,
Oh, why are we waiting,
So fucking long, etc…
His One Skin
(Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)
His one skin hangs down to his two skin,
His two skin hangs down to his three,
His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,
His foreskin hangs down to his knee.
Roll back, roll back,
Roll back his foreskin for him, for him.
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back his foreskin for him.
Drink it down, down, down…
They (He/She) Ought to be Publicly Pissed on Skin
They ought to be publicly pissed on,
They ought to be publicly shot,
They ought to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot,
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Why Was He (She) Born so Beautiful?
Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He's no fuckin' use to anyone,
He's no fuckin` use at all.
He's may be a joy to his mother,
But he's a pain in the asshole to me,
So drink it down, down, down . . .
Love me Tender
Love me tender,
Love me sweet,
Wrap you lips around my meat,
Watch me shiver,
Watch me grin,
As my Cum Rolls,
Down, down, down
The Ole Brown Cow
The ole brown cow went Pfftt,
Up against the wall,
Pfftt, up against the wall,
Pfftt, up against the wall,
The ole brown cow went Pfftt,
Up against the wall,
The whole wall is covered with shit, shit, shit
So drink it down, down, down . . .
Sally in the Alley
Sally in the alley was sifting cinders
Lifted up her leg and farted like a man
Wind from her ass blew out six windows
Cheeks of her ass went Bam Bam Bam
There was a Little Bird
There was a little bird,
No bigger than a turd,
A-sittin' on a telephone pole.
He ruffled up his neck,
And shit about a peck,
He puckered up his little asshole.
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
He puckered up his little asshole.
If Your Girl Tastes Like Shit
If your girl tastes like shit, roll her over.
If your girl tastes like shit, roll her over.
If your girl tastes like shit, then it’s probably not her clit.
If your girl tastes like shit, roll her over.
Dead Dog Rover
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover,
That I just ran over with the mower,
One leg is missing, the other is gone,
The third leg is splattered all over the lawn,
There’s no use explaining the one remaining,
It’s spinning on the carport floor,
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover,
That I over ran,(HEY) that I over ran,
That I over ran with the mower.
A Soldier I Will Be
Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, to fight for my country,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
A soldier I will be.
Drink it down, down, down…
Take Me Out to the Ball game
(Melody--Take Me Out to the Ball Game)
Whip it out at the ball game,
Wave it round at the crowd,
Dip it in peanuts and Crackerjack,
I don't care if you give it a whack,
Because it's--
Beat your meat at the ball game,
If you don't come it's a shame,
For it's one, two,
And you're covered in goo,
At the old ball game!
Hog Calling Time in Nebraska
(Melody--Yellow Rose of Texas)
When it's hog calling time in Nebraska,
When it's hog calling time in Nebraska,
When it's hog calling time in Nebraska,
Then it's hog calling time in Nebraska.
Drink it down, down, down
Meet the Hashers
(Melody--Flintstones Theme)
Hashers, meet the hashers,
They're the biggest drunks in history,
From the town of KC,
They're the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,
Watch them as they down a lot of beers,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down.
Dough, the Stuff That Buys Me Beer
(Melody--Do, Re, Mi)
Dough, the stuff that buys me beer,
Ray, The guy who sells me beer,
Me, The one who drinks the beer,
Fa, a long way to the beer
So, I’ll have another beer
La, I’ll have another beer
Ti, no thanks I’m having beer
And that’s what brings us back to…
Down, down, down…
Fuck a duck,
A female duck,
Screw a baby kangaroo,
Finger bang an orangutan,
Let an elephant eat you,
FEEL the penis of an eel,
WHACK the asshole of a yak,(yak, yak, yak)
MASTURBATE with a gnu,
And that’s what brings us back to down, down, down . . .
Sit On My Face and Tell Me That You Love Me
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me,
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too.
I love it when you oralize,
When I'm between your thighs,
You blow me away!
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you,
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,
'Til we're blown away!
Mrs Murphy
Take it in your hand Mrs Murphy
cause it only ways a quarter of a pound
It's got hair on its neck like a turkey (gobble, gobble!)
And it spits when you shake it up and down down, down, down
Daisy, Daisy
Daisy, daisy, give me your answer true.
Daisy, daisy, wouldn't you like to screw?
I really must beg your pardon,
But I've got a hell of a hard on
From beating my meat against the seat
Of a bicycle built for two.
Bye Bye Cherry
Back your ass against the wall
Here I come, balls and all
Bye bye cherry
Won't your mother be disgusted
When she finds your cherry's busted
Bye bye cherry
Wrap your legs around a little tighter
I can feel my load is getting lighter
So, shake that ass and wiggle those tits
Until my little pecker spits
Cherry bye bye
Dinah
Dinah, won't you blow me
Dinah, won't you blow me
Dinah, won't you blow my horn
Dinah, won't you blow me
Dinah, won't you blow me
Dinah, won't you blow my horn
Someone's in your sister's vagina
Someone's in your sister I know
Someone's in your sister's vagina
Pumpin' like a dinamo
And he goes down, down, down, down
Head, Who said head?
Head! Who said head?
I'll take some of that,
And I did, and it was good
And there was much rejoicing.
And then we fucked. We fucked for hours
Uprooting trees, shrubs & flowers.
And it was a source of great personal pride and satisfaction.
And then we fucked again, like Vikings
With horns on our head!
Head! Who said head?
We don’t women with good taste, we want women who taste good.
Days of the Week
Leader: Today is Monday
Pack: Today is Monday
Leader: Monday is a wanking day
Pack: Monday is wanking day
Leader: Is everybody happy?
Pack: You bet your ass we are!
Everyone: Doo-diddlie, doo-doo-doole-doo. (repeat after every Monday)
Today is Tuesday
Tuesday is finger day
Monday is a wanking day (Is everybody happy?)
Today is Wednesday
Wednesday is a [huuoom] day
Tuesday is a finger day
Monday is a wanking day (Is everybody happy?)
Today is Thursday
Thursday is a Hashing day
Wednesday is a [huuoom] day
Tuesday is a finger day
Monday is a wanking day (Is everybody happy?)
Today is Friday
Friday is a drinking day
Thursday is a Hashing day
Wednesday is a [huuoom] day
Tuesday is a finger day
Monday is a wanking day (Is everybody happy?)
Today is Saturday
Saturday is a fucking day
Friday is drinking day
Thursday is Hashing day
Wednesday is a [huuoom] day
Tuesday is a finger day
Monday is a wanking day (Is everybody happy?)
Today is Sunday
Sunday is a day of rest
But Saturday is a fucking day
Friday is drinking day
Thursday is Hashing day
Wednesday is a [huuoom] day
Tuesday is a finger day
Monday is a wanking day (Is everybody happy?)
Sex is Boring
(Melody--Frere Jacques)
*Sing each line twice.
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Gonna cut my fingers off,
One by one…
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pulling out my pubic hairs,
One by one…
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Poking out my eyes,
One by one…
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Cutting off my gonads,
One by one
I Don't Want To Join The Army
I don't want to join the army,
I don't want to go to war,
I'd rather hang around Picadilly Underground,
Living off the earnings of a high born lady.
I don't want a bullet up me asshole,
Don't want me buttocks shot away,
I want to stay in England,
Jolly, jolly England,
And fornicate me bloomin' life away, gor blimey…
Monday I touched her on the ankle,
Tuesday I touched her on the knee,
On Wednesday, I confess, I lifted up her dress,
Thursday I saw you-know-what,
Friday I put me hand upon it,
Saturday she gave me balls a tweak (Tweak! Tweak!)
And Sunday after supper, I put the old boy up 'er,
And now she earns me forty bob a week, gor blimey.
Chorus: Call out the Regimental Army,
Call out the Navy and Marines,
Call out me mother,
Me sister and me brother,
But for God's sake don't call me,
God Bless My Underpants
God bless my underwear,
Brand that I love,
Stand beside them,
And ride them,
Between my buns
when I bike, or I run.
From the waistband,
To the legholes,
To the fly flap,
Wet with piss,
God bless my underwear,
They look like this.
Drink it down, down, down, down...
RingDangDoo
(Chorus)
The ringadangdoo, what is that?
It's furry and soft, like a pussy-cat,
It's got a crack down the middle,
And a hole right through,
That's what they call the Ringadangdoo.
I once knew a girl, her name was Jean,
The sweetest girl I'd ever seen,
She loved a boy, who was straight and true,
Who longed to play on her ringadangdoo.
So she took him to her father's house,
And crept inside as quiet as a mouse,
And they shut the door and the window too,
And he played all night on her Ringadangdoo.
The very next day her father said,
'You've gone and lost your maidenhead!
You can pack your bags and suitcase, too,
And bugger off with your Ringadangdoo!"
So she went to town and became a whore,
And hung a red light outside her door,
And one by one and two by two,
They came to play on her Ringadangdoo.
There came to that town a son of a bitch,
Who had the pox and the seven-year-itch,
He had gonorrhea and syphilis too -
So that was the end of her Ringadangdoo.
End of the Month Comes Along
You can tell by the smell, that she isn't very well,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell by the flies, that are hanging around her thighs,
that the end of the month comes around.
chorus:
We're the boys that work at the tampax factory.
We shout our orders loud and clear (loud and clear!!!)
We got small sithe, medium sithe, family sithe and king sithe,
we got a nancy that would fit anyonce' fancy,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell by her frown, that her blood is dropping down,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell by her yearning, that she's loosing hemaglobine,
when the end of the month comes around.
chorus:
You can see where she sat, that her pussy drops are red,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell when you fucked it,
that it won't go cause she plugged it,
when the end of the month comes around.
chorus:
From the stench of the quean, you know exactly where she been,
when the end of the month comes around.
When there's cleenex on the loo, there'll be no intercourse to do
when the end of the month comes around.
chorus:
But when her period takes too long,
there's been something going wrong
when the end of the month comes around.
And when it doesn't come at all, there'll be a baby at the fall,
when the end of the year comes around.
The Engineer Song
(May be done to "Johnny Comes Marching Home")
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, ah-hum.
An engineer told me before he died,
I have no reason to believe he lied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
Ah-hum, ah-hum.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
That she could never be satisfied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
So he built a bloody great wheel,…
Two balls of brass and a prick of steel,…
The balls of brass he filled with cream,…
And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam,…
He tied her to the leg of the bed,…
Tied her hands above her head,…
There she lay demanding a fuck,…
He shook her hand and wished her luck,…
'Round and 'round went the bloody great wheel,…
In and out went the prick of steel,…
Up and up went the level of steam,…
Down and down went the level of cream,…
'Till at last the maiden cried,…
Enough, enough, I'm satisfied,…
Now we come to the tragic bit,…
There was no way of stopping it,…
She was split from ass to tit,…
And the whole fucking thing was covered in shit,…
It jumped off her, it jumped on him,…
And then it buggered their next of kin,…
There is a lesson to the story I tell,…
If you see it coming better run like hell,…
The moral of the story is mighty clear…
Don’t ever fuck with and engineer
Swing Low
(Note: gestures accompany words)
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.
I looked over Jordan and what did I see,
Coming for to carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.
If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I'm coming too,
Coming for to carry me home.
(repeat with variations: humming and motions only, silence and motions only,
double-time)
Father Abraham
Leader: Father Abraham had seven sons,
And seven sons had Father Abraham,
And he never laughed,
And he never cried,
All he did was go like this--With a right!
All (shout/actions): With a right! (extend right arm)
Leader: Father Abraham had seven sons,
And seven sons had Father Abraham,
And he never laughed,
And he never cried,
All he did was go like this--With a right!
All (shout/actions): With a right! (extend right arm)
Leader: And a left!
All (shout/actions): And a left! (extend left arm)
More verses/actions:
With a right! (extend right leg)
With a left! (extend left leg)
And a HEEEE! (hump pelvis)
And a HUUHH! (turn around, drop pants, moon pack)
Bestiality’s Best
(Melody--Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Boys)
Chorus: Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best--FUCK A WALLABY!
Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best.
Stick your dork in a stork
Drip your juice on a moose
Be a queer with a deer
Be a rotter with an otter
Be very pleasant to a pheasant
Bring a flea to her knees
Chuck your sperm in a worm
Do an illegal with an eagle
Do it funky with a monkey
Down the throat of a goat
Drink the pee of a bee
Drop some goo in a shrew
Get in deep with a sheep
Have a hug with a bug
Have a screw with a shrew
Have a shag with a stag
Make love with a dove
In the bog with a dog
Put your noodle to a poodle
Rub the thigh of a fly
Shoot your load in a toad
Shove your log in a dog
Stick you rod up a cod
Stick your dork in a stork
Up the hole of a mole
Up the rear of a deer
Aahlawetta
Melody--Alouette
Chorus: Aahlawetta, gentile Aahlawetta,
Aahlawetta, Je Te plumerai.
Leader: Does she have the stringy hair?
All: Yes, she has the stringy hair.
Leader: Stringy hair,
All: Stringy hair,
Leader: Aahlawette! Aah, aah, aah . . .
Chorus
Leader: Does she have the furrowed brow?
All: Yes, she has the furrowed brow,
Leader: Furrowed brow,
All: Furrowed brow,
Leader: Stringy hair,
All: Stringy hair,
Leader: Aahlawette! Aah, aah, aah . . .
Wooden eye (Yes I would!) . . .
Broken nose . . .
Blow job lips . . .
Two buck teeth . . .
Double chin . . .
Swinging tits . . .
Beer belly . . .
Bulbous butt . . .
Furry thing . . .
I Put My Hand
(Melody--When Johnny Comes Marching Home)
I put my hand upon her toe, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe,
She said, "Hey Hasher, you're way too low,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee,
She said, "Hey Hasher, you're teasin' me,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit,
She said, "Hey Hasher, you're squeezin' it,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I stuck my fingers in her eyes, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I stuck my fingers in her eyes, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I stuck my fingers in her eyes
She said, "Hey Hasher, you’re way too high,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my cock right in her mouth, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my cock right in her mouth, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my cock right in her mouth,
She said, "Mfl Mfl, Mfl, Mfl"
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat,
She said, "Hey Hasher, you've hit the spot,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box,
From sucking too many Hasher's cocks,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then,
We fucked her once, we’ll fuck her again
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Yogi Bear Song
(Melody--Camptown Races)
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Chorus:
(repeat previous verse): Yogi, Yogi Bear,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Other verses:
Yogi has a little friend,
Boo-Boo,
Boo-Boo,
Yogi has a little friend,
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo bear,
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo bear,
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo bear,
Yogi has a little friend,
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo bear,
Yogi has a girlfriend,
Cyndi,
Cyndi,
Yogi has a girlfriend,
Cyndi, Cyndi Bear
Cyndi, Cyndi Bear,
Cyndi, Cyndi Bear
Yogi has a girlfriend,
Cyndi, Cyndi Bear
Cyndi doesn’t shave her snatch,
Grizzly,
Grizzly,
(Repeat as above)
Cyndi doesn’t wash her snatch,
Gummi,
Gummi,
(Repeat as above)
Cyndi wears lingerie,
Teddy,
Teddy,
(Repeat as above)
Cyndi likes it on the ice,
Polar,
Polar,
(Repeat as above)
Cyndi likes it up the rear,
Dirty,
Dirty,
(Repeat as above)
Cyndi she has great big tits,
More than,
More than,
(Repeat as above)
Yogi uses a condom,
smart bear,
smart bear,
(Repeat as above)
Boo-boo pokes holes in them,
bastard,
bastard,
(Repeat as above)
Yogi uses them anyway,
Daddy,
Daddy
(Repeat as above) (whose you daddy bear)
Boo-Boo likes it upside down,
Koala,
Koala,
(Repeat as above)
Yogi has a twelve-inch dick,
black bear,
black bear,
(Repeat as above)
Boo-Boo's only three feet tall,
lucky,
lucky,
(Repeat as above)
Yogi doesn’t wipe his butt,
Brown bear,
Brown bear,
(Repeat as above)
(I Want A) Gang Bang
Melody—Itself
Chorus: I want a gang bang if I could,
Because a gang bang feels so good.
When I was younger and in my prime,
I used to gang bang all the time.
Now I'm older and getting gray,
I only gang bang once a day.
(Take turns leading verses)
Leader: Knock, knock.
Pack: Who's there?
Leader: Ida.
Pack: Ida who?
Leader: Ida want another gang bang if I could,
Because a gang bang feels so good, etc.
Other verses:
Mister Bush/Mister Bush and came on her stomach
Ben/Ben dover and have another
Turner/Turner over and have another
Ranger/A ranger her for best entry at the
Oliver/Oliver clothes were off at the
Peter Meter/My peter'll meet her at the
Dolly Parton/Dolly's partin' her thighs at the
Tijuana/Tijuana bring your mama to the
Kissinger/Kissinger's great but fuckin' her's better at the
Betty/Betty'll have a sore dick at the
Europa/Europa to the bed post for the
Eileen/Eileen her over the sofa at the
Sharon/Sharon share alike at the
Hedda/Hedda lotta sex at the
Ima/Ima glad we had this
Eisenhower/Eisenhower late for the
Witchy/Witchy one your gonna fuck at the
Kenya/Kenya gimme directions to the
M.R./M.R. some nice-a tits at the
Charlie Pride/Charlie pried her legs apart at the
Arapaho/Arapahostice twinkie around my dick so the fat chicks will suck it at
the
Chicago
Chorus: I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a water-bottle,
A water-bottle from the store,
"Rubber," she wanted,
Rub her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a sweater,
A sweater from the store,
"Jumper," she wanted,
Jump her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some gin,
Some gin from the store,
"Beefeater," she wanted,
Eat her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a cake,
Some cake from the store,
"angel food" she wanted,
Lay her she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some carpet,
Some carpet from the store,
"Pile," she wanted,
Shagged she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a diskette,
A diskette from the store,
"Floppy," she wanted,
My Hard drive she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a whale,
A whale from the store,
"Killer," she wanted,
my Sperm she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some Air Wick,
An Air Wick from the store,
"Mountain scent," she wanted,
Mount her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some china,
Some china from the store,
"Porcelin," she wanted,
my Bone she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some stockings,
Some stockings from the store,
Stockings she wanted,
A hosing she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some carpet,
Some carpet from the store,
Carpet she wanted,
Laid she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some nails,
Some nails from the store,
Nails she wanted,
Screwed she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a balloon,
A balloon from the store,
Balloon he wanted,
Blown he got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some wool,
Some wool from the store,
Wool she wanted,
Felt she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for metaphysical conversation,
Metaphysical conversation from the store,
Metaphysical conversation she wanted,
Fucked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a lollipop,
A lollipop from the store,
A sucker he wanted,
Sucked he got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for drain cleaner,
Drain cleaner from the store,
Drano she wanted,
Clean pipes she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a pony,
A pony from the store,
Horse she wanted,
Ridden she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for some wheels,
Some wheels from the store,
Wheels he wanted,
Rimmed he got,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for a doughnut,
A doughnut from the store,
Glazed she wanted,
Creme-filled she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a throw rug,
A throw rug from the store,
Rug she wanted,
Rug-burned she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a watchspring,
A watchspring from the store,
Watchspring she wanted,
Boinged she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a T-bone,
A T-bone from the store,
T-bone she wanted,
Boneless round she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for toy sailors,
Toy sailors from the store,
Toy sailors she wanted,
Semen she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a canned ham,
Canned ham from the store,
Armour she wanted,
Porked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for gift wrapping,
Gift wrapping from the store,
Wrapping she wanted,
A stuffing she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a beefsteak,
Beefsteak from the store,
Chuck she wanted,
Fucked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a novel,
A novel from the store,
Dickens she wanted,
Dick she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for cigarettes,
Cigarettes from the store,
Camels she wanted,
Humped she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady/man came in for some aspirin,
Some aspirin from the store,
Aspirin she/he wanted,
Crack she/he got,
(shoot moon)
I don't work there any more.
A lady/man came in for some film,
Some film from the store,
Color she wanted,
Exposed she got,
(expose dick/tits)
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a computer,
A computer from the store,
Apple she wanted,
My Wang she got,
(expose dick)
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a pet,
A pet from the store,
A puppy he wanted,
My pussy he got,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for some deodorant,
Some deodorant from the store,
Right Guard he wanted,
My right tit he got,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A lady (or man) came in for some Wrigley's,
Some Wrigley's from the store,
Gum she (he) wanted,
My bum she got,
(shoot moon)
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a video,
A video from the store,
Free Willy she wanted,
Free Willy I did, (do same)
I don't work there any more.
My Name is Jack
Perv verses by Flying Booger
My name is Jack (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I'm a necrophiliac (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I fucks dead wimmen (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
And I fills 'em full of jism.
I get frustrated (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
When they're cremated (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
Cause try as I must (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I can't fuck dust!
Each time I pass a cemetery gate,
I whip it out and masturbate.
My name is Judy (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
My favorite stiff's a beauty (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
Though his pecker's soft and thin (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I find his femur slips right in.
Most girls like their guys aware (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
My name is Mary (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I met my lover through an obituary (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
So what if he's dead (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
At least he doesn't fart in bed.
I like his leathery skin (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I can poke it with a pin (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
And when the worms come out his butt (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I feed them to the mutt!
Every time I see a crematory urn,
My genitals begin to burn.
My name is Ron (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I get a hard-on (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
When I see a redhead (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
Who's deader than dead.
You don't polka or waltz (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
With a girl with no pulse (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I like my wimmen old (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I prefer my wimmen cold!
Each time I pass a mausoleum,
My shorts fill up with creaum.
My name is Denise (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
My man is deceased (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I think it's wise (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
To love a man who's demised.
I broke into his tomb (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
Took him home to my room (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
My mother Doris (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
Admires his rigor mortis!
Each time I pass the old graveyard,
I find my nipples getting hard.
My name is Mitch (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
And I dig a wealthy bitch (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
Not because she's really rich (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
But 'cause she's in a six-foot ditch.
Most like their ladies hot (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I rather fancy not (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
Just in case you have forgotten (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
I prefer my wimmen rotten!
Each time I pass a funeral pyre,
My libido catches fire.
My name is Gertrude (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
Now you may think this rather rude (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
But I don't find it crude (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
To go down on a dead dude.
He won't come in my mouth (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
His sex drive has gone south (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
He won't take my money (deedle-deedle-deedle-dum),
And he'll never call me Honey!
SEASONAL SONGS
Twelve Days Of Hashing
Melody--Twelve Days of Christmas
On the twelfth day of hashing,
My true love gave to me--
Twelve twats a'twitching,
Eleven leaping lesbians,
Ten torn testicles,
Nine gnawed off nipples,
Eight aching assholes,
Seven sucking sisters,
Six sixty-niners,
Five pubic hairs!
Four calling girls,
Three French whores,
Two shit house doors,
And a lube job in her fur tree.
Down, down, down.
My Sister Belinda
My sister Belinda, she pissed out the window, all over my brand new sombrero.
I said you fat twat, you pissed on my hat, she said," I don’t fucking no
care-o!"
Aye yaye yaye yaye, me and my soggy sombrero
I said you fat twat, you pissed on my hat, she said I don’t fucking no care-o!
My sister Belinda, she shit out the window, all over my brand new sombrero
I said you fat twat, you shit on my hat, she said, "I don’t fucking no care-o!"
Aye yaye yaye yaye, me and my shitty sombrero
I said you fat twat, you shit on my hat, she said" I don’t fucking no careo!"
My sister Maria gave me gonorrhea, she gave it to me amigo
I said you fat twat, you gave me the clap, she said " I don’t fucking no care-o"
Aye yaye yaye yaye, me and my bloody dickero
I said you fat twat, you gave me the clap, she said "I don’t fucking no care-o!"
Drink it down, down, down…
Let is Snow
(Melody--Let it Snow)
Well, the weather outside is frightful,
But my dick is so delightful,
If you really want to see it grow,
Give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow.
I went down to Tijuana
I went down to Tijuana,
I went down to Tijuana,
And I brought with me my bom-bom-dee and both of my bom-bom-deros.
I met up with my senorita,
I met up with my senorita,
And She wanted to see my bom-bom-dee and both of my bom-bom-deros.
We went up into her apartment,
We went up into her apartment,
And She got to see my bom-bom-dee and both of my bom-bom-deros.
I got a bad case of syphilis,
I got a bad case of syphilis,
And It spread from my knee to my bom-bom-dee and one of my bom-bom-deros.
I went to the medical doctor,
I went to the medical doctor,
And He took from me my bom-bom-dee and one of my bom-bom-deros.
At night as I lay on my pillow,
I reach down to play with my fellow.
And all that is there is a handful of hair and one of my bom-bom-deros.
Ai yi yi yi,
I lost my my bom-bom-dero.
Ai yi yi-ee,
I lost my bom-bom-dee.
I died and I went up to heaven (tweet, tweet),
I died and I went up to heaven (tweet, tweet),.
And waiting for me was my bom-bom-dee
and my one of my bom-bom-deros.