Though having no strong views on issue myself, I can clearly remember in my sixth year the early seeds being sown in my mind.

I had been severely reprimanded by my mum for wandering away from our buildings.

In fact, she discovered me near a house owned by Fat Bella in a street just off Southward Bridge Road which was known locally as Bella's Lane.

At six years of age the subtlety of the title was lost on me.

It was said if Fat Bella saw a child anywhere near her door she would drag them into her house, chop them up and put them into pies.

Half the kids at school swore they knew of at least three victims Bella had cooked and were, therefore, positively angelic whenever they were anywhere near the dubious Bella or her house.

However, this reputation for butchery has also given rise to a ditty, which would be chanted from the corner of her alley, before we would all run like hell for home. It went: "Down Bell's Lane, there are some dirty women,

If you want to see them, you have to pay a shilling,

Soldiers half a crown, sailors half a guinea,

Big fat men two pounds 10 and little boys must pay just a penny."

I remember being distinctly incensed by these charges. It obviously offended my sense of fair play.

Half-crown seemed a reasonable sum for a soldier.

I could even understand why big fat men would be expected to fork out two pounds 10.

As for little boys only paying a penny, well that was okay too.

After all, little boys wouldn't see much and they never had money anyway.

No, my complaint was for the poor sailors who were expected to fork out a half guinea.

I had always wanted to be a sailor but no way would I pay half guinea to see a dirty woman.

In any case I was not sure what dirty women were.

Mum said it was dirty to have a candle running from your nose.

Surely big fat men were never going to pay two and a half quid to see a dirty woman with a runny nose, were they?

And how about my friend Rosie? She had nits! Mum said nits were particularly dirty.

Who on earth would pay good money to see Rosie's nits?

If you sat next to her at school they would jump all over you for nothing.

No, there were definitely aspects of Fat Bella's that had me puzzled.

Not the least that I never once saw her and did not even know which house in Bell's Lane she actually resided.

For the next few years I was to live in awe of Bell's Lane but it was in the Blitz when the entire area was

flattened I plucked up courage to pick my way over the rubble of the alley.

I saw no traces of Bella nor anyone else for that matter.

Yet, I swear I saw something which looked for all the world like a partially eaten pie.

What d'you reckon?

9:23am Thursday 5th December 2002

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