Co m p U_ He. Sc/~>cjbcG kL (not- iri bidder) \ , 4 )> * 95 F I T S l4tynnn l2>oob i i^pe'UcJ "h C)r \^_ 1 \e!l Weapons Meet F)& PliuHier / Coonpi I dr : Ua Fr>er i*>"> , 0 bt a- Uit S +Kf -CcIUiw.oo,; O r'CjO-n i z, rr - * 5 tx? V" T^prit " J-^ 1 branch of Serv/1 ul , O S Fb/ ( LLn> V /.Ac^en C,y * 9S V ^ F 'IS "Dafr. '?> |C ^0 t>r u> PIclcjl- "e Lo^tncaon Scores * Crrir- Co i lech o a ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ j^ ^ qs Cr<,V ftdLv Viori y I QS> SdtovodL Ficv - ) -- -0 our ^ Cop^j tob a Co\ytf Ail pOLrjS ,ncLudtct diip out his piece to show his niec< But xt was all in fun! CHORUS... * 6 . I KNOW A GIRL FROM ARKANSAS Chorus: I know a girl from Arkansas, honey, honey. I know a girl from Arkansas, babe, babe. Format for I know a girl from Arkansas all She can take you balls and all, honey, oh baby mine, verses. Go to your left, your right, your left. Go to your left, your right, your left. 1) I know a girl from old Kentuck, She. can't cook but she sure can fuck. 2) I know a girl all dressed in red, She makes her living in a bed. 3) I know a girl all dressed in black, She makes her living on her back. 4) If I die on the Russian front. Bury me with a Russian cunt. 5) If I die on the Cuban rear, Bury me with a Cuban queer. 6) I don't know but I've been told, Eskimo pussy's mighty cold. 7) I got a girl from Niagra Falls, She's got a mortgage on by balls. 8) I know a girl who lives on a hill. She won't do it, but her sister will. (10) #7. CAROLINA, THE COWPUNCHER 1 S WHORE 1) Way down in Alabama, whre the bullshit lies thick, Where the girls are so pretty, their babies come quick. There lived Carolina, the queen of them all Carolina, Carolina, the cowpuncner's wfcre. 2) She's handy, she's dandy, she shits in the street. Wherever you see her, she's always in heat. You have your fly open, she's after your meat. The smell of her cunt knocks you right off your feet. 3) One night I was riding way down by the falls, One hand on my pistol, the other on my balls. I saw Carolina a usin' a stick, Instead of the end of a cowpuncher's dick. 4) I caressed her, I undressed her, I laid her down there, And parted the tresses of her pubic hair, Inserted the thickness of my sturdy horse And then there began a strange intercourse. 5) Faster and faster went my trusty steed, Until Carolina rejoiced at the speed. When all of a sudden my horse did backfire. And shot Carolina right into the fire. 6j I found Carolina, all covered with muck, She said, "Oh my dear, what a glorious fuck!" Then her sexual organ, fell out on the floor, And that was the end of the cowpuncher's whore. (11) #s_. THE RED RIVER VALLEY (To the tune of the song of the same name) To the valley he said he was flying. And he never saw the medal the he earned. Many jocks have flown into the valley, And a number have never returned. So I thought as he briefed on the mission. Tonight at the bar we will sing But we're goin' to the Red River Valley, And today I am flying his wing. Oh the flak is so thick on the valley. That the MIGs and the missiles we don't need So fly high and down sun in the valley, And guard well the trail of TEAK Lead. Now if things turn to trouble in the valley. And the briefing that I give you don't heed. They'll be waiting at the Hanoi Hilton, And it's fish heads and rice for TEAK Lead. We refueled on the way to the valley, In the states it had always been fun. But with thunder and lightning all around us, 'Twas the last A.A.R. for TEAK One. When he came to a bridge in the valley, 'Twas a target that he couldn't shun. And the first to roll in on the bomb run. Was my leader old TEAK Number One. Oh, he flew through the flak toward the target. With his rockets and bombs drew a bead. But he never pulled out of his bomb run, 'Twas fatal for another TEAK Lead. So come sit be my side at the briefing. We will sit there and tickle the beads, For we're going to the Red River Valley, And my call sign today is TEAK Lead. #9. BLESS 'EM ALL C12) Bless 'em all, bless 'em all The long and the short and the tall Bless old man Lockheed for building this jet But I know a guy who is cursing him yet For he tried to go over the wall With his tiptanks, his tailpipes and all The needles did cross and the wings did come off Cheer up my lads, bless 'em all. Well, bless 'em all, bless 'em all The needle, the airspeed and ball Bless all those instructors who taught me to fly Sent me to solo and left me to die If ever your blow jet should stall Well, you're due for one hell of a fall No lilies or violets for dead fighter pilots Cheer up my lads, bless 'em all. Bless 'em all, bless 'em all The long and the short and the tall Bless all the sergeants and their bloody sons Bless all the corporals, the fat-headed ones I'm saying goodbye to them all The long and the short and the tall Here's to you and lots others you can shove it up brothers I'm going back home in the fall. Through the wall, through the wall, That bloody invisible wall, That transonic journey is nothing but rough As bad as the ride on the local base So I'm staying away from the wall Subsonic for me and that's all, If you're hot you might make it But you'll probably break it, Your butt or your neck-not the wall. (13) #10. LET'S HAVE A PARTY Parties make the world go 'round World go 'round, world go 'round Parties make the world go 'round Let's have a party! SOLO Now, we're gonna tear down the bar in the officers' club We're gonna build us a new bar! It's only gonna be one foot wide But it's gonna be a mile long! There's gonna be no bartenders at our bar There's only gonna be barmaids! Our barmaids will wear long dresses Made out of cellophane! You can't take our barmaids to your bunks They take you to their bunks! You can't sleep with our barmaids They don't let you sleep! Soda's gonna be ten bucks a glass Whiskey's free! Only one to each pilot Served in buckets! We're gonna throw all the beer in the river And then we'11 all go swimming! Now no girls are allowed in the USO hall With their clothes on! There'll be no lovin' on the dance floor And no dancing on the lovin' floor! Parties make the world go World go 'round, world go Parties make the world go Let's have a party! 'round ' round 'round CHORUS BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! BOO! RAY! # 11. I WANTED WINGS I wanted wings 'til I got the Gcd damn things Now I don t want them any more Thev i_aught me how to fly, then they sent me here to die I've got a belly full of war You can save those Zeros for the other God damn heroes r is inguishea flying crosses do not compensate for losses. CHORUS: I wanted wings 'til I got the God damn things Now I don't want them any more. I'll take the dames while the rest go down in flames 1 ve no desire to be burned Air combat s no romance and it made me wet my pants I m not a fighter, I have learned ? e ^ tsublshes f ? r ^ cra zy scns-a-bitches use i d rather lay a woman than be picked up by a Grumman. I'm too young to die in a God damn PBY That's for the eager, not for me. I won't trust to luck to be picked up in a "Duck" After I've crashed into the sea. I wouid rather be a bellhop than a flier on a flattop wich my hand around a bottle not a God damn throttle/ I don't want to tour over Berlin or the Ruhr Acic Ack always makes me lose my lunch For me there's no Hey Hey when they holier "Bombs Awav!" 1 d rather be at home with the bunch For there's one thing you can't laugh off And that's when they shoot your ass off And I'd rather be home, Buster, with my ass than with a cluster. They feed us lousy chow, but we stay alive somehow On dehydrated eggs and milk and stew Therumorhas it next they'll be dehydrating sex And that's the day I'll tell the coach I'm through Bn? whl? ? ana I e K al \ the dangers, the shooting back of strangers But when i get home ?ate I W'^t'Tliy woman straight, Buster. I don't want a tour in Korea that's for sure I T ve had a bellyful of war. I don't want my fanny frozen In that, putrid land of chosen Fighting Migs of Uncle Joe's In atmosphere that's frigid frozen, Buster, tli.* (is) continue #11. I wanted wings I don't want to die over Antung in the sky, Migs always make me barf my lunch. ?or me there's no Hey-Hey screaming, "Bogies that-a-way!" I'd rather be at home with the bunch. (S.E.A. version) I've been alive, twenty years, plus four or five, And I'e tried many a pursuit. I went to pilot school, learned the ropes and learned the rules, and got my wings and my blue suit. And then I went to get upgraded, and like a fool I made it. -hen they made me number four, and then they sent me off to war, Buster. I wanted wings, 'till I got the goddam things! Now I don't w r ant them anymore. The Republic Thundershief is just 20 tons of grief. "he dirty sons-of-bitches filled it with 300 switches. uster. I wanted wings, 'till I got the goddamn things! Now I don't want them anymore. To keep my body alive, they taught me to survive. At a place nestled in the hills. They fed me porcupine, And other goodies fine; Pemmican to cure all my ills. And in three weeks I had made it. They said I'd graduated. Nell, buddy, if that's livin', I think that I'll just give in. Buster, I wanted wings, 'till I got the goddamn things. Now I don't want them anymore. Vou can have your he-man training, in the snow, and when it's raining. I'd rather be a weenie, with my tootie and martini, Buster. I wanted wings, 'till I got the goddamn things. Now I don't want them anymore. (16) #12. FIGHTEB PILOTS Oh iiere are no fighter pilots down in Hell, Oh there are no fighter pilots down in Hell, The place is full of queers, Navigators, "bombardiers, Oh there are no fighter pilots down in Hell! CHORUS: Singing glorious, victorious, One keg of beer for the four of us, Singing glory be to God, That there are no more of us, For one of us could drink it all alone, D amn near, pass the beer to the rear of the squadron! Oh there are no fighter pilots in the'States, Oh there are no fighter pilots in the States, They are off to foreign shores, Making mothers out of whores, Oh there are no fighter pilots in the States! CHORUS Oh the bomber pilot's life is just a farce, . Oh the bomber pilot's life is just a farce. The automatice pilot's on. He's reading in the john, Oh the bomber pilot's life is just a farce! CHORUS Oh there are no fighter pilots up in Fifth (Wing), Oh there are no fighter pilots up in Fifth (Wing), The place is full of brass, Sitting * round on their fat ass, Oh there are no fighter pilots up in Fifth! CHORUS You can tell a navigator by his ass, You can tell a navigator by his ass, It is ^ inches wide. Getting wider by the ride, You can tell a navigator by his ass! CHORUS continue #12. FIGHTER PILOTS ( 17 ) Oh there axe no bomber pilots in the Fray, Oh there axe no bomber pilots in the Fray, They're all at USD's, Wearing women's fancy clothes. Oh there are no bomber pilots in the Frav.' CHORUS Oh look at the 2nd FITS in the club, Oh look at the 2nd FITS in the club, They don't party, they won't sing, 95th does everything, Oh look at the 2nd FITS in the club.' CHORUS Oh it's naughty, naughty, naughty but it's nice, If you.ever do it once, you'11 do it twice, It'll wreck your reputation, But increase the population, Oh it's naughty, naughty, naughty but it's nice.' ( 18 ) #13. ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY On top of old Smokey All covered with snow Lay a Red Beret pilot And his wingman below. They took off in weather, They took off at night. They got a bum vector, A disasterous flight. Way down in St. Mildreds Just rolling in dough, Played an '86 pilot And a showgirl named Flo. The moral of this story Is easy to see: Be an eighty-six pilot, I mean 86-D. On top of old Smokey All covered with snow. I lost my jet pilot For flying too low. He put on an air show, He did it for me, With 100% on-he clobbered a tree. With throttle wide open, He made his last pass. At altitude zero, He busted his ass. VIETNAM version- Flying over old Cam Ranh, Enroute to the North, % hands got so shakey From the thoughts that came forth. The sun was bright shining The sky it was clear, But my heart it did falter I was frozen with fear. (18-a) continue #13. On Top of Old Smokey As we crossed the border I thought I would die! But my fearless commander Oh how well he did fly. With this inspiration, What more could I do? I screwed up mu courage And pressed on anew. Se s IiSS!l We rippled our bombs off, Then wiped off the sweat. We turned toward the tonkin With a sigh of relief, We'd gotten the job done Just as it had been briefed. This missions accomplished So important to me They're sure to award us : Our first DFC, I'm an outstanding airman This story is true. For I'm a co-pilot, On a B-52! (19 CHORUS #14. SAVE A FIGHTER PILOT'S LIF E (Tune: Throw a Nickel on the Drum) Oh, I lined up with the runway and headed for the ditch I looked down at my prop, mg God, it's in high pitch I pulled back on the stick and. rose into the air Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, how did I get there? CHORUS: Oh Hallelujah, Oh Hallelujah Throw a nickel on the grass Save a fighter pilot's ass Oh Hallelujah, Oh Hallelujah Throw a nickel on the grass And you'll be saved! I started in to buzz, I thought that I was clear And when I clipped the flagpole, I knew the end was near I met the flying board, and they gave me the works Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, what a bunch of jerks! Fouled up my crosswind landing, my left wing touched the ground Got a call from Mobile, "Pull up and go around!" I racked that old T-bird in the air a dozen feet or more The bastard snapped, I'm on my back, oh save me (name of Sq. CO) Oh, I flew the traffic pattern, to me it looked alright And when I made my final turn, my God, I racked it tight The engine coughed and sputtered, the ship began to weave Mayday, Mayday, Col. (Wing CO), Spin instructions please! Strafin' on the panel, I made my pass too low Came a call from tower, "One more and home you go!" I pulled that T-bird om the blue, she hit a hight-speed stall Now I won't see my mother when the work's all done this fall! CRUISING OVER HANOI We were cruising over Hanoi, doin' gour and fifty per- When I called to my flight leader, "Oh won't you help me sir? The "SAMS" are hot and heavy, the MIGS are on our ass, Take us home flight leader, please don't make another pass!" Hallelujia-nalielujia! Throw a nickel in the grass Save a fighter pilot's ass. Hallelujia-hallelujia! Throw' a nickel on the grass, and you'll be saved! C19-a) continue #14. Sa.ve a Fighter Pilot's Life I rolled into my bomb run, trying to set the pipper right, When a "SAM" came off the alunch pad, and headed for our flight. Then number two informed me, "Hey four, you f d better break!" I racked that goddam plane so hard, it made the whole thing shake. CHORUS I started my recovery. It seemed things were all right. When I felt the damndest impact, saw a blinding flash of light. We held the stick with all our might, against the finding force. Then number two screamed out at us, "Hey four, you've had the course!" CHORUS I screamed at my back seater, "we'd better punch on out- Eject, eject, you stupid shit!" In panic I did shout. I didn't wait around to see, if Joe had got the word. I reached between my legs and pulled, and took off like a bird. CHORUS As I descended in my chute, my thoughts were rather grim. Rather than to be a prisoner, I'd fight them to the end. I hit the ground and staggered up, and looked around to see. And there in blazing neon, Hanoi Hilton welcomed me. CHORUS (Slowly-) The moral of this story is when you're in package six, You'd better goddam look around, or you'll be in my fix. I'm a guest at Hanoi Hilton, with luxury sublime. The only thing that's not so great, I'll be here a long-long-time. ( 20 ) CHORUS: #15. GIVE ME OPERATIONS Don't give me a P-38 with props that counter-rotate They'll loop, roll and spin but they'll soon auger in Don't give me a P-38! Just give me Operations Way out on some lonely atoll For I am too young to die I just want to go home. Don't give me a P-39 with an engine that't mounted behind It will tumble and roll and dig a big hole Don't give me a P-39! Don't give me an old Thunderbolt, it gave many pilots a jolt It looks like a jug and it flies like a tug Don't give me an old Thunderbolt! Don't give me a Peter Four OH, a hell of an airplane, I know A ground loopin' bastard, you're sure to get plastered Don't give me a Peter Four Oh! Don't give me a P-51, it was alright for fighting the hun But with coolant tank dry, you'll run out of sky Don't give me a P-51! Don't give me a P-61, for night flying is no fun They say it's a lark, but I'm scared of the dark Don't give me a P-61! #16. AIR FORCE 801 (Tune: Wabash Cannonball) Listen to the ruirble, and hear old Merlin roar I'm flying over Moji, like I never flew before Hear the mighty rush of the slipstream, and hear old Merlin moan i'll wait a bit and say a prayer and hope it gets me home. Itazuke tower, this is Air Force 801 I'm turning on the downwind leg, my prop has overrun My coolant's overheated, the gauge says" 1-2-1 You'd better call the crash crew, and get them on the run. Air Force 801, this is Itazuke tower I cannot call the crash crew, this is their coffee hour You're not cleared in the pattern, that is plain to see So take it on around again, we have some VIP. Itazuke tower, this is Air Force 801 I'm turning on the downwind leg, I see your biscuit gun My engine's runnin' ragged, and the coolant's gonna blow I'm gonna prang a Mustang, so look out down below. Itazuke tower, this is Air Force 801 I' m turning on the final, and running on one lung I'm gonna land this Mustang, no matter what you say I've gotta get my charts fixed up before the Judgement Day. Air Force 801, this is Judgement Day You're in Pilot's Heaven, and you are here to stay You just bought a Mustang, and you bought it well The famous Air Force 801 was sent straight down to Hell. (21-a) #61. REPUBLIC'S ULTRA HOG (Tune: Wabash Cannonballj Listen to the jingle the gruntin' and the wheeze. As she rolls along the runway by the BAG-9 and the trees. Hear the mighty roarin' engine as you leap off in the fog, You're flying though:the jungle in Republic's Ultra-Hog. We came up from old Korat one steamy summer day, As we pitched up on the target you could hear all the gunners say, She's Dig and fat and ugly, she's really quite a dog, She's known around the country as Republic's Ultra-Hog." Here's to MacNamara, his name will always smell. He Ml always be remembered down in Fighter Pilots Hell, He frags all the targets and sends us out to die', He sends us into combat in Republic's 105. Listen to the jingle the gruntin' and the wheeze, .As she rolls along the runway by the SAC-9 and the trees. Hear the mighty rearin' engine as you leap off in the fog, You're flying through the jungle in Republic's Ultra-Hog!!: ( 22 ) #17. WHO OWNS THIS CLUB We are the boys from You've heard so much aoout: Mothers keep their daughters in Whenever we go out We're always full of whiskey and we're always full of booze, We are the boys from Now who the Hell are yoozie? As we go marching, and the band begins to P.L.A.Y. You can hear the people shouting, Raggedy razz, raggedy razz, _ on parade. Whowawa Who owns this club, whowawa Who owns this club, whowawa Who owns this club, whowawa Who owns this club the people cried. We own this club, We own this club, Ninety-fifth Fighter Squadron, we replied. (Repeat from Whowawa) if! 8, CLEAR THE PATTERN (Tune: Wake the Town & Tell the People) Clear the pattern, call the crash crew, leads the group, They were lost, fuel exhausted They'll be landing from a loop. Yes, he led us into weather, Lightening flashes all around, - says, "I'll sly the gauges," But we came out upside down, (Repeat the first four lines,1 119, HERE'S TO- " ... --V 1 Here's to~ - , he's true blue, He's a drunkard through and through. He's a drunkard, so they say. Oh he might go to heayen, but He went the other way. So drink, chug-a-lug, shug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, So drink shug-a-lug, snug-a-lug, shug-a-lug. ( 24 ) #20. A DOGGIE PILOT V S LAMENT A rolling down the runway, with afterburner in, Looked at my aft fire warning light, As yellow as all sin, I yanked back on the throttle, My doggie lumbered on, i'wished I'd gone DNIF, The runway's almost gone: CHORUS: Oh, Hallelujah, sing Hallelujah*, Throwr a sixpence on the grass, Save a doggie pilot's ass. Oh, Hallelujah, sing Hallelujah, ^ Throw a sixpence on the .grass and you'll be saved. I shoved the Throttle forward, And pulled back on the Stic, And staggered off into the air as if the dog was sick, The weather closed around me, No more was thanest seen, So there I sit, ten tons of Shit, And a five inch TV' screen. CHORUS: I soon made angels forty, And leveled off all right I looked up all around me, Not a single thing in sight, Looked back down at the radar, And told my friends no luck, Said to myself, this is a Hell of a way to make a bucx, They gave me a new vector, one-twenty to the right, And when I rolled out level, That bogie was in sight, I squeezed the trigger then and there, And then I thought, you goon, You've gone and fired all twenty-four of rockets at the moon. ( 25 ) CHORUS: CHORUS: continue #20. DOGGIE PILOT'S LAMENT I Turned, back to the station And began to let down, They'd briefed,.about one thousand you'd Start to see the ground My deg 1 s now on the overr r- . With gear up thru the wing, 'cuase all the way down GCA, I never saw a thing. The moral to this story is very plain to see, The best damn squadron on the base belongs to the 95th The two FITS are hopeless, They can't get in the air, And all the rest have buggered off, And scattered everywhere, *21. ONE HAND ON THE THROTTLE One hand on the throttle, One hand on the throttle, One hand on the bottle, One hand on the bottle, Both feet in my pockets, Both feet in my pockets, Oxf we go into the wild blue yondeT---crash! __Fighter Squadron! *22. A TISHT-A TASKET A tiskit, a tasket, a single engined basket. They wrote a letter to my Mum .And told her that I had crashed it; I crashed it, I crashed it. That single engined basket, i turned on finals, yanked the stick, Son of a^bitch, I snapped it; I snapped it, I sanpped it, That single engined basket, A two-turn spin, I torque-stalled in, Oh Jesus, how I smashed it! (27) #23. OLD 95TH GANG (Sung to the tune o?: Ghost Riders) Old S5 tli gang went out to fly One dark and stormy day, And as they taxied past I heard Ole Colonel Roehm did say, "95th is gonna fly. It makes me mighty proud, To know I have one squadron that Can penetrate a cloud." CHORUS: Yippee-yi-aye, yippee-yi-oh-h-h-h-h, Boneheads in the sky. Old 95th gang went out to fly One bright and sunny day. And as a 4-ship joined Ole Colonel Roehm did say, "Go diamond, then go arrowhead, Cause I'm proud to see, No one can make a join-up look Nearly as good as we." 7 Old 95th gang went out to fly One cloudy, foggy day And as he stepped out of the door Ole Colonel Roehm did say "To hell with o'dark thirty briefs .I'm tired of this ol' grind, Maybe I'll go to Stan Eval And fly at only nine.' Old 95th gang went out to fly One clear and sunny day. And met a new commander. Colonel Wyman did say. "95th is gonna gly And not just as they please." And he took up a formation, then Debriefed them to their knees. (27-a) Continue #23. OLD 95TH GANG LAST VERSE Old 95th gang went out to fly That very same day. And as they walked out to their planes, Jim Wyman did say, "95th is gonna fly. And standards won't be less, Anytime the boneheads fly.. Will always be the BEST!" #24. THE DONKEY Halelulla, see the donkey Halelulla. stroke his hair Halellula, lift his tail up And see whi is there (28) ?25. HERE'S TO THE REGULAR AIR FORCE (Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean) In peace time the regulars are happy In peace time they're happy to serve But let them get into a fracas And they'll call out the God damn reserves! CHORUS: Call out, call out (or "Fight on") Call out the God damn reserves, reserves! Call out, call out Oh, call out the God damn reserves. Now here's to the Regular Air Force They have such a wonderful plan They call up the God damn reservist Whenever the shit hits the fan! They call up every old pilot They call up every young man The reservists they go to Korea The regulars stay in Japan! Here 1 s to the Regular Air Force With medals and badges galore If it weren't for the God damn reservists Their ass would be draggin' the floor! #26. YOU CAN TELL A FIGHTER PILOT (Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic) By the r ing around his eyeball You can tell a bombardier You can tell a Sonber pilot By the spread around his rear You can tell a navigator By his sextants, maps and such You can tell a fighter jockey BUT YOU CAN'T TELL HIM MUCH! (29) #27. "G" SUnS AND PARACHUTES (Tune: Bell Bottom Trousers) Once there was a barmaid down in Brewery Lane Her master was so kind to her, her mistress was the same Along came a pilot, handsome as he could be He was the cause of all her misery! CHORUS: Singing "G" Suits and parachutes And uniforms of blue He'll fly a fighter Like his daddy used to do! Now in the morning before the break of day A five-pound note he handed her , and this to her did say: "Take this my darling, for all the harm I've done For you may have a doughter, and you may have a son If you have a daughter, put ribbons in her hair And if you have a son, get the bastard in the air!" Now the moral of my story as you can plainly see Is never trust a pilot an inch above your knee The barmaid trusted one and he went off th fly Leaving her a daughter to help the time go by! FINAL CHORUS: Singing "G" suits and parachutes And uniforms of blue She'll never fly a fighter Like her daddy used to do! #28, OH, RUBY (Tune: Same as the song) (30) OH, Ruby I see you've rolled and curled your pubic hair. Ruby, are you contemplating, coming out somewhere? The shadow on the wall tells me your pants are coming down. Oh, Ruuu-bby-- don't take your Twat to town, CHORUS: I know it's hard, to love a man Whose cock is red and raw- Oh, Ruuu-bby- you dirty fucking whore. #29. SALLY OF THE ALLEY Sally of the Alley was shiftin' cinders, Lifted up her leg and cut a fart. Force of the gasses, split her bloomers, Cheeks of her ass went WHAM, WHAM, WHAM! #30. HERE'S TO BROTHER _ Here's to Brother _, Brother _, Brother _ Here's to Brother_, who's with us tonite. He eats it, he beats it, He often mistreats it, So here's to brother _, who's with us tonight... Drink Mother-Fucker, Drink Mother Fucker etc. Here's to Brother_, who's with us tonight! No tune: He ought to be publicly chastised He ought to be publicly shot, And tied to a public urinal, And left there to fester and rot.,. HIM, HIM, FUCK HIM! #31 THE MAILMAN SONG (Tune: Bye Bye Black Bird) I'm so happy, I'm so gay, Cause I come twice a day. I'm your mailman. Lift your knockers, ring your bell, Makes you think I am swell. I'm your mailman. CHORUS: I can come in any kind of weather. That's because my bag is made os leather I don't mess with keys or locks I just slip it injour box I'm your Mailman- *32. BYE BYE CHERRIES (Tune: Same as above) Backed her up against the wall, Here I come balls an all, Bye bye cherries, iknow I ain't got a lot. But what I got will fill your rwat, Bye bye cherries. I took her to my cottage in the wild woods, And there I took advantage of her childhood. I came once. She came twice, Oh my God, it was nice. Cherrrr-iiees, Bye Bye. CHORUS: (32) "33. BARNACLE BILL THE PILOT ~~X- (Tune: Barnacle Bill the Sailor) The Air Corps is the life for me, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor I'll jump my ship and leave the sea and be an aviator I'll fly so high I'll reach the sky, gravitation I'll defy I'll make the people moan and cry, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. Pretty soon you'll lose that grin, said the fair young maiden Pretty soon you'll lose that grin, said the fair young maiden. I'm rough and tough, I know my stuff, said Bill the aviator I'll fly this ship till I've had enough, said Bill the aviator I know a strut, I*know a fin, I know a barrel-roll and a spin I know a prop, I know a stick, and I know an elevator. You're out of gas and must go down, wailed the fair young maiden You're out of gas and must go down, wailed the fair young maiden. I'm a cockeyed Finn if I'll give in, roared Bill the aviator I'll fight this ship with a flyer's grin, roared Bill the aviator He kicked the bar and pulled the stick, which didn't seem to do the trick And he hit the ground like a ton of brick, poor Barnacle Bill the Sailor. Here's some flowers for his grave, sobbed the fair young maiden Here's some flowers for his grave, sobbed the fair young maiden. (32-a) #33. BARNACLE BILL TEE PILOT - %? Who's that knocking at my door? Who's that knocking at my door? Who's that knocking at my door?, asked the beautiful maiden. Open the door you beautiful whore, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. Open the door you beautiful whore, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. Who's that standing in my door? Who's that standing in my door? Who's that standing in my door?, asked the beautiful maiden. Close the door and lie cn the floor, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. Close the door and lie on the floor, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. What's that grass around your pole? What's that grass around your pole? What's that grass around your pole?, asked the beautiful maiden.. That's the grass to tickle your ass, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. That's the grass to tickle your ass, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. What if we should have a child? What if we should have a child? What if we should have a child?, asked the beautiful maiden. We'll dig a ditch and bury the bitch, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. We'll dig a ditch and bury the bitch, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. What if maw and paw should know? What if maw and paw should know? What if maw and paw should know?, asked the beautiful madd en. I'll rape your maw and rack your paw, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. I'll rape your maw and rack your paw, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. (32-b) contizme#33. Barnacle Bill the Pilot What if we should go to jail? What if we should go to jail? What if we should go to jail?, asked the beautiful maiden. We'11 rack their balls and tear down the walls, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. We'll rack their bails and tear down the walls, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. What if we should get the chair? What if we should get the chair? What if we should get the chair?, asked the beautiful maiden. We'll cut a fart and blow it apart, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. We'll cut a fart and blow it apart, said Barnacle Bill the Pilot. (33) #34. AIR CORPS LAMENT (Time: Battle Hymn of the Republic) Mine eyes have seen the days of men who ruled the fighting sky With hearts that laughed at death and lived for nothing but to fly But now those hearts are grounded and those days are long gone by The force is shot to HELLI CHORUS: Glory.flying regulations Have them read at every station Bum the asses that would break them, The force is shot to Hell! My bones have felt their pounding throb, a hundred thousand strong A mighty airborne legion sent to right the deadly wrong But now it's only memory, it only lives in song The force is shot to Hell! I have seen them in their T-bolts when their eyes were dancing flame I've seen their screaming power dives that blasted Goering's name But now they fly like sissies and they hang their heads in shame Their spirit's shot to Hell! They flew B-26's through a living hell of flak And bloody, dying pilots gave their lives to bring them back But now they all play ping pong in the operations shack Their technique's gone.to;HellI Yes, the lordly Flying Fortress and the Liberator too Once wrote the doom of Germany with contrails in the blue But now the skies are empty and our planes are wet with dew And we can't fly for Hell! One day I buzzed an airfield with another happy chap We flew a hot formation with his wingtip in my lap But there's a new directive and we'll have no more of THAT! Or you both with bum in Hell! Hap Arnold built a fighting team that sang a fighting song About the wild blue yonder in the days when men were strong But now we're closely supervied for fear we may do wrong The force is shot to Hell! Glory! No more reguaiations! Rip them down at every station! Ground the guy that tries to make one! AND LET US FLY LIKE HELL! FINAL CHORUS: (34) #35. DO YOUR BALLS HANG LOW? - (Tune: Sailor 7 s Hornpipe) Tiddly winks young man, get a woman if you can, If you can't get a woman get a clean old man. From the lofty heights of Malta to the shores of old Gibraltar Can you do the double shuffle with your balls in a can? Do your balls hang low, can you swing 'em to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow? Can you swing 'em o'er your shoulder like a European soldier? Can you do a double shuffle, do your balls hang low? Do your b alls hang tight, can you hide 'em in a fight? Can you tuck 'em 'neath your arm, can you keep 'em out of sight? Are they tough enough to buckle up another man's hard knuckles? Can you do a~double shuffle, do your balls hang tight? Do vour balls hang loose, as loose as a goose? Can' you slide 'em down the hall, can you bounce 'em off the wall? Does it really make you stammer when you hit 'em with a hammer? Can you do a double shuffle, do your balls hang loose? Do your balls hang down, way down to the ground?. Can you slide 'em on the ice, can you crack 'em in a rice? Does it make your breath come quick when you stick 1 em with a pick? Can you dc a double shuffle when your balls hang down? #36. THOSE FOOLISH THINGS A book of sex with fifty well thumbed pages An old French letter, that has been used for ages Abortions quite a few These Foolish Things, remind me of you. Remember Dear, that we talked of marriage That was the night you had your first miscarriage Abortions quite a few These Foolish Things, remind me of you. I came, you came, all ove me And in our ecstasy we simply knew that it had to be. The newsboys calling out "late night final" The faint aroma of a gents urinal Oh how the memory clings These Foolish Things, remind me of you. The limp inertness of a vised French Letter That I discarded when I knew you better A bed of creaking springs These Foolish Things, remind me of you. I came, you came, all over me And in our ecstasy we simply knew that it had to be. The lumpy sofa that we had our shags on The smell that told me that you had your rags on Oh how the memory clings These Foolish Things, remind me of you. #37. A PROHIBITION SONG (for Capt. Dick) Ohhh, We don't eat fruit cake because it has rum.. And one little bite turns a man. to a bum/ Cannnnn you imagine the utter disgrace... Of a bum in the gutter with crumbs on his face. CHORUS: Away, away with rum by gum With rum by golly with rum by gum Away, away with rum by gum Say we of the temperance Union. Ohhh, We don't eat bread, because it has yeast... And one little bite turns a man tc a beast. Cannnn you imagine the total disgrace... Of a bum in the gutter with crumbs on his face. CHORUS: "38 (.37) WILD WEST SHOW Chorus Ohhhhh, were off to see the Wild West Show The elephants and the kangaroos No matter what the weather As long we're together We're off to see the Wild West Show Ladies and gentelmen in this comer we have __ ?! Fantastic, Incredible, No Shit?! Tell us about it Mother Fucker. The Mathematical Wonder is a very strange girl indeed. She is a girl who was F before she was 7.. Chorus Tne Wherethefuckarewe Tribe is a very strange tribe indeed. They are a group of natives who are 3 feet tall, Walking around in 6 foot jungle grass saying where the fuck are we tribe? Where the fuck are we tribe? Chorus The Oh No Bird is a very strange bird indeed. The Oh No Bird makes his home in a corrugated roof. And the Oh No Bird has a 2 foot scrotum and 1 foot legs. And every time he comes in for a sanding he says Ohhhhh-no. Chorus Lulu The Tatooed Lady is a very strange woman indeed. Lulu the tatooed Lady has tatooed on one cheek the letter M And on the other cheek she has tatooed the letter M And when she bends over she says MO! and when she stands on her head she says WOW. And when she does cartwheels she says WOW MCM WOW! Chorus Lulu The Tatooed Lady's Sister is a very strange woman indeed. Lulu The Tatooed Lady's Sister has tatooed on one thigh Merry Xmas and on the other thigh she has tatooed Happy New Year. And she tells all her friends to come up and see her between the holidays. ( 38 ) #39. TIDDLY Tiddly had a chicken, Tiddly had a duck, She put them on the table, To see if they could. CHORDS: Bang, bang Tiddly, Tiddly bang, bang, Who's going to bang Tiddly, When Johnny goes away. Tiddly had a boyfriend, His name was Diamond Dick She never got the diamonds., She always got the. CHORUS Tiddly had a baby, His name was Tiny Tim, She put him in the river. To see if he *could swim. Timmy burped and gargled, and headed for the falls, Tiddly reached and grabbed him. She grabbed him by his. CHORDS Rich women use kotex, Poor women use rags. Tiddly's crack is so damn big, She uses burlap bags. CHORUS Continue #39."TIDDLY Rich girls wear rings of gold, Poor girls wear rings of brass, The only ring;:that Tiddly has, is the one around her. CHORUS Rich girls drive a porsche Poor girls drive a truck, pie only tune Tiddly rides. is when she wants to... CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS RANG IT INTO LULU Some girls work in factories Some girls work in stores My girls work in a knockin' shop With forty other whores. Bang it into Lulu Bang it good and strong, What'll we do for banging When Lulu's dead and gone. Wish I was a Pisspot Under Lulu's bed Every time she stooped to pee I'd see her maidenhead. Wish I was a finger pi Lulu's little hand hvery rime she wiped her ass I'd see the promised land. Lulu had a baby, She had it on a rock She couldn't call it Lulu "Cause the bastard had a cock. Lulu had a baby She named it Sonny Jim, She threw it in the pisspot To teach it how to swim. Last time I saw Lulu I haven't seen her since, She was suckin' off a tiger Through a barbed wire fence. continue #39. Tiddly or Lulu Lulu had a turtle* Lulu had a duck, She put 'em in the toilet To see if they would. CHORUS Lulu had two boyfriends, One was very rich, One w ?> R the son of a bajiker, The other a. son of a. CHORUS Lulu had a boyfriend. The boyfriend had a truck, They climbed into the pickup bed. To see if she wouid. CHORUS #bC" IF ALL TEE YOUNG MAIDENS If all the young maidens, were trees in a forest, I'd make like an ax and chop their clitoris. CHORUS: Oh, roll your leg over, roll your leg over roll your leg over, it's better that way. But dee dum da dum dum. If all the young maidens, were bricks in a pile, I'd make like a mason, and lay them in style. GHORUS If all the young maidens, were fish in a pool, I'd make like a shark, with a watemroof tool. CHORUS If all the young maidens, were bats in a steeple, and I were a HE bat, there'd be more bats than people. CHORUS If all the young maidens, were blades of grass, I'd make like a mower, and cut me some ass. CHORUS If all the young maidens, were statues of Venus, I'd make like a god, with a petrified penis. CHORUS #40. IF ALL THE YOUNG MAIDENS If all the young maidens - were stars in the sky, I'd make like a comet, and shoot through their thighs. CHORUS If all the young maidens, were B-29s, I'd make like a fighter And buzz their behinds. CHORUS If all the young maidens, were pies an the shelf, And I were a baker, I'd eat 'em all myself. CHORUS If all little girls were little white flowers, And I were a bee, I'd buzz them for hours. CHORUS If all little girls were like nurses who would, And I were a doctor, I would if I could. CHORUS If all little girls were like bells in a tower And I were a clapper, I'd bang 'em for hours. CHORUS #41. MARIANNE BURNS (Tune: The Old Gray Mare) ( 41 ) Marianne Bums is the queen of all the acrobats. She can do the kind of things that'll make you want to shit. She can shoot green:peas, from her fundamental organ, Do a double back flip, and catch them between her tits. She's a great big son-of-a-bitch, twice as big as me, got hair on her ass, like a branches on a tree. She can shoot, fly. fart, fuck- she can even drive a truck. Marianne Bums is the girl for me! #42. YUKON PETE Here's a story of a little town called Northern Will , About a mean old whore named Big Ass Lil . Now Lil wasn't just another whore , She fucked everybody, and fucked som emore . Word got around that little town . That nobody coula put Big Lil's ass down. But a-way up north, where the twinpines meet. Lives a bald headed halfbreed named Yukon Pete. Pete wasn't just another stud , "Hisr.pride' and joy was. his 20 inch pud . Pete rolled into that little town , With his 18 pounds a bangin' down . The scene was set, and the night was still , At an old shit house owned by Lil. Well, they fucked, and they fucked, and they fucked for hours . Tearin' up the ground, trees, and flowers . Lil came down with a whore house''squee'ze. That brought that halfbreed to his- 'knees . Pete came back with a bar room''grunt. That spread her legs, and split hei^cunt. Lii rolled over on her bloody thighs, Cut two farts, and then she died. continue #42. YUKON PETE Miat were the last words spoken by Pete? I'm a goin' back to the Yukon, to beat my meat. YUKON PETE--Beetle version (NACEO fit) Up in the Yukon, where the twin rivers meet; There's a one-balled half-breed, named Yukon Pete. Now Pete dug a trench, around the town; Where his pecker, drug the ground. Well big ass Lil, the Village Queen; The screwingest whroe, you've ever seen. She made a vow, around the town; That nobody, could put her down. Then over the hill, came Yukon Pete; With his 18 feet, of swinging meat. They set the sight, for the bout, On the side of the hill, by the old out house. They screwed and screwed, for hours and hours; They tore up trees, shrubs and flowers. Then Lil let out, with a whore house squeeze; That sent poor Pete, down to his knees. She tried the "bunt", and the double "bunt"; And things unknown^ to the common cunt. Then Pete came back, with a barroom grunt} That ripped her ass, and tore her cunt. Lil rolled over, on a bloody thigh; She cut two farts, and then she died. And that's the story of Yukon Pete; With his 18 feet of swinging meat. ( 44 ) #43. ' THE WHORE HOUSE QUARTET Well__ she burped, and she farted and she shit on the floor. , And the gas from her ass blew the knob And the moon shined bright on the nipple Ac she carved her initials in a b&Mt of snxt. CHORUS Sung by a whore house quartet. Do you have a hard-on, not yet. Are you going to get one. you oet. You. fucker, you! Well...., she looked so fair, in the midnight air, . as the wind blew up her nighty. Her tits hung loose like the balls MdVvelled Jesus Christ Almighty! She jumped in bed, and covered up her head,_ and swore I couldn't find her. I knew damn well she was lying It R Eft landed on hen top, and started my organ grinder.^ She wouldn't turn loose so I ourw on t* ~ J and now I got a baby ten pounder. CHORDS #44. THREE OLD WHORES First old whore up and said. 'Mine's as big as the sea, Ships sail in, ships sail out And never bother roe.'' Ohhhhhhh. CHORUS: Roly-poly, tickly my wholey, Up iny Slimey, sloop -poop-poop-poop, Drag your nuts across ray guts, And join ray whorey group. Second old whore up and said 'Mine's as big as a well. A farm boy slipped on the edge one day and never knew he fell.' Ohhhhhhh. CHORUS Third old whore up and said "Mine's as big as the air. Planes flyin, planes fly out, never touch a hair.' Ohhhhhhh. CHORUS C46) us. Scrotum, scrotum- S-C R OT DM M-maev granger covered with hair, tongey, s . . wasn't there? What would you ao it _ r _-p_n-T-T!-M ! Your scrotum scrotum, S-C- Han^s a little low and a little behind, comes in a bag with a tancy design.^ Your scrotum, scrotum S C R U Fun to play with ever/ night Better watch out ix Your scrotum, scrotum, S-u-R 0 l J w. & * ". Your scrotum, scrotum. S-C-R-u i J ". It holds your balls in. It's fun to play with, S-C-R-0 r t m. #46. 1. LOVE MY WIFE I love my wife, Yes I do, yes I do, I love her truly.... I love the hole that she pisses through, I love her ruby^red lips, and her lily-white tits, and the hair around her asshole. I eat her shit. Gobble, gobble, chomp, chomp With a wooden spoon, With a wooden spoon. ( 48 ) #47. TWELVE NIGHTS OF BONEHEAD (Tune: TWELVE NIGHTS OF CHRISTMAS 1 On the first night of BONEHEAD, my true love gave to me, a hand job in a fur tree. On the second night of BONEHEAD, my- true love gave to me, . two brass balls, and a hand job m a fur tree, On the third night of BONEHEAD, my true love gave to me, three French-ticklers, two brass balls, and a Band job in a fur tree. Oxi the fourth night of BONEHEAD, mv true love gave to me, four fucking whores, three 7r : e ^ ci y~ t ' two brass balls, and a hand job xn a fur tree. On the fifth night of BONEHEAD, my true love gave to me, five pubic hairs, four fucking whores, three Fr ench- ticklers, two brass ba_ls, and a hand job in a fur tree. On the sixth night of BONEHEAD, my true love gave to me, . six slimey sluts, five pubic hairs,. . four fucking whores, three French- ticklers, two brass balls, and a hand job in a fur tree. On the seventh night of BONEHEAD, my true love gave to me, . , seven soggy scrotums, six' slimey sluts, five cubic hairs, four fucking whores, three* French- ticklers, two bras balls, and a hand job in a fur tree. On the eighth night of BONEHEAD, my true love gave to me., eivht assholes aching, seven soggy scrotums, six slimey sluts, five pubic hairs four fucking whores three FreacE-ticW.ers^ two brass balls, and a hand job m a j-ur tree. continue: TWELVE NIGHTS OF BONEHEAD On the ninth night of BONEHEAD, XfSwu! nibbling"* Aght assholes aching, llvfpublfhairs, four fucking *<. ; three French-ticklers, two brass balls, and a hand job in a fur tree. On the tenth night of BONEHEAD, my true ^ ove ni ppies nibbling, IT&, ~gj, ' six slimey slu ^ s ' " lv ?^ ee French-^ ticklers, f tSo r b^sf bll^Tand a hlnd Job in a fur tree.. On the, eleventh:night ol, BaNSR 0 ,' m Je^ e iiablairiic^gN S ' sevln n i?Igy%crotums six altoey sluts, IS^^Sctle^ SS SS-mission ha natter what type of aircraft ne ri? per formed. ., -tout Mai or Bemie Fisher, an This ballad was wrxtten D Nhon, a grail air- A-l pilot flying combat sobs on this base on the northeast sig n was HOBO 51, for fateful day, Major Fisher, whose cauisig t ^ ^ his heroic deeds in ^^ u ^ f ^ ghes t honor ever to be bestcwed A Shau Valley, was awara iona i Medal of Honor, upon a military man, ^^fSntings depicting his heroic surelv you have seen tne P 3 -^ ^ . sinale-engine ?"^????1 Shau 'ruUy and successfully the downed A-l pilot. CHORDS: * "3? S S2 save that s=n-of-a-bitch. , n -,-^mc hpar the 2QMM roar f Well, listen to the small ^^^ shau valley floor. Those A-IE's are boun 9 hear the lonesote HCBQ call. With a mighty roar of the ^-s all done this fall. Vfe'll aet vou home to mother wnen n -u,* They got ham an tneir y _ final wheeze; MS&'S Altimeter setting, please. CHORDS: Well. Nciw the VC are dec R n ^ g a ^^ a f^^ rm turning on iry base, well. ^ ^Jf^f^unning awfully fast m^^vTS^ehind hit. with a rifle up hrs ass. CHORDS: Now. _ ttp bh strafe him if yon can; Now our wingman sees a VC^oa, ^ save that dear old man. You'll have to get him quo. standing an his head, I've got him "f^S^slon^'ll both be dead. You better let us taKe on, CHORDS: Now. continue BALLAD OF HOBO 51 (52) last VERSE: Now the takeoff, it was 5^1oSS r ai 1 Sri.^'^niR breathes a sigh. jS^^Saf oSTshau, Lord, I ttou*t we'd dre. CHORDS: Now (53) #50. ROYAL CASTRATION (No Tune) It was the day of the Royal Castration, and all the balls were coining off. The old Counts, no-accounts, and discounts were gathered in the courtyard carrel-dunging. For in those days, bull-shitting was unheard of. "Shit," said the King, and 20,000 loyal subjects stooped and strained- For in those days , the King's word was law. "Where's the Queen?" asked the King. "She's in bed with Influenza." "You mean she prefers the prangy prick of the Prussian Prince to the Dangling dong of the Danish Duke?" "Fuck the Queen!" said the King, And 20,000 Loyal subjects were trampled in the mad rush that followed. For in those days, the King's word was law. #51- FRIAR'S SONG CHORUS friar of great renown, There was a fr of g rea t re nown, There was a fr . f areat renown, rTttTnVe fucked a girl from out of town. Fucked a girl from out of town... Ha ha ha, Ho ho ho. Horse Sh.t. g^rsd : Sh i tV? thdt"dirty -of drsoti-of Ua-ibftch. Rotten old cock =ucker, What'd he-ever do for us. Nothing, FUCK 'em. ? flS K I" t = 5 L'thtnTe twisted 3 out her maidenhead... Twlsted out her maidenhead... CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS . . ..Kind Sir, decease and quit," She -h' "Kind Sir, decease and quit, SHe 53 h' "Kind Sir decease and quit, And then* he^b*i t her'on the rosy ft... Bit her on the rosy tit... u laid her down beside a stump, u it her down beside a stump, Z laid her ^hit'ctnt^d'spl it the stump. wtaS'Sefcuit and split the stump... H laid her down beside a pond, Z aid her down beside a pond, rjtitx " 30d "' Fucked her with his magic wa laid her on the dewey grass, it laid her on the dewey ?<. And' then^he fhoved his pecker up her ass... stoved his pecker up her ass... , L,;, child upon the earth, hore ch ]id upon the earth, She hore h s ch 9 the earth She bore his c h"? H the afterbirth... And then he made her eat tn tit. her eat the afterbirth... CHORUS (54-a) contiune #51. Friar's Song * CHORUS * CHORUS * CHORUS He took her to the countryside, He took her to the countryside, He took her to the countryside, And then he fucked the girl until she died... Fucked the girl until she died... He took her to the "burial ground. He took her to the "burial ground, He took her to the "burial ground, And then he thought he'd have another round... Thought he'd have another round... They huried her on Chestnut Street, They "buried her on Chestnut Street, They huried her on Chestnut Street, And then he sat on the grave and beat his meat... Sat on the grave and beat his meat... *V erses normally sung together* (55) ^52. THE GAISSG SANG SCMG I love to gang bang. Because a gang bang gives me such a thrill. When I was younger, and in ny prune, I used to gang bang all the tune, But now I'm older and turning gray, I only gang bang once a daa-a-ay. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? . 1 I needa a gang bang, I always wi_l Knock. Knock. Who's there? Eisenhower. Eisenhower who? I.' se an hour late to a gang oang, I always will..* Knock. Kncck. Who's there? Wanda. Wanda who? I want ta gang bang, I always will. . . Knock. Knock. Who's there? Euiah. Eulah who? You love to gang bang, you always will. . . Knock. Knock. Who's there? Wendy. Wendy who? When de moon comes over the mountain, I love to... Knock. Knock. Who's there? Issac Tenor. Issac Tenor who? 1 sent 10 or 12 girls out to the car and they all wanted to.. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Bill. Bill who? Billet me with a WAF, and I'll never need a... (55-a) continue #52. The Gang Bang Song---- Knock. Knock. Who' s there? Gorilla. Gorilla who? Girl of my dreams...I need a. Knock. Knock. Mho's there? Minerva. n Minerva who; My nerves are shot.and I need a. Knock, knock. Mho 1 s there? Rhoda. o Rhoda who; X rode a 100 miles to get a.........<. Knock, knock. Who's there? Samoa. Samoa who. There's some more'a girls outside and they want to.. Knock, knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Banana, nama, nana, na. Knock, knock. Who' s there? Orange. Orange who; Aren't you glad I didn't say banana , nana, nana, na #53. A TWO TON Tim Boom- -boom- -boom- -boom.... A two-ton titty in a loose brassiere, Boom--boom--boom--boom.... A twat that twitches like a mouse's ear, Boom--boom--boom--boom.... Ejaculation in a bottle of beer, These things remind me of you. Boom--boom--boom--boom.... Two boneheads fuckin' in a gabbage pit, Boom--boom--boom--boom.... A long black hair in my girlfriend's tit Boom--boom--boom--boom.... A bloody kotex in my onion dip, These things remind me of you. Boom--boom--boom--boom.... Picking scabs off your groaty old twat, Boom--boom-boom--boom..., G an g banging in an empty lot. Boom--boom--boom--boom.... Masturbating with a handful of snot, These things remind me of you. (CHORUS') - VERSE 1. VERSE 2. VERSE 3. (Tune: Cool, cool, Coder than Cooler than Cooler than Toni at than #5A. COOL 'THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES") cool, cool, cool,_cool, cool, cool, the nipple on a witch' s tit, a bucket of penguin shit, the frost on a champagne glass, the ring around a polar bear's ass. CHORUS Cool as the lines on an arctic chart. Cool as the breeze from a iur seal far l, Cool as the feathers on an arctic ducJc, Cool as the end of an Eskimo fuck. CHORUS Cool as the edge of a cockpit glass. Cool as the hair on a polar beards ass, Cool as the rim of a toilet stooi, Cool as the end of an Eskimo s tool. CHORUS ( 58 ) # 55 . The missile chased tne ^ t sapped, Q^more Pop goes the Weasal. Lady fingers Did more _^an 3 u all pi ssed o?f ' The Russian T f r cn T o R pop goes the Weasal . We look ^^Laiis^d 5 squeeze 'em We grab their balls ^ ^ it o? ?, They show their ass, Pop goes *e " easal - #56. Show me *e way t )?go'to bed. r> yyti?Se toS about y hour ago, ^tt wS right to V head. Sereever I may turn? over land % w flZ me singing this song, K S%y to go home. CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS #57. " MIG 15 (I T'OUGHT I TAW A PUTTY CAT) I t'ought "I taw a MIG 15, A 'tweeping up on me I did, I did, I taw him, As big as he could be! I am that great big MIG 15, Ivan is my name, And if I catch that '84, I'll shoot him down in flame! #58. IF YOU FLY (Tune: Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom De-Ay) Did vou go BOCM today? Did you go BOO! today Two more blew up yesterday G.E. ain't here to stay. If you gly an Eighty-nine _ You must be deaf, dumb, and Dlinc For your life ain't worth a dime, What's your scheduled blow up time? If you fly a 101 Tell yourself its' really fun One day it will pitch up with you And you will wish you never flew. If you fly a 104 The whole world flocks to your door Range is short, the wings don't last But golly it sure does fly fast. If you fly a Thunderchief You will soon shake like a leaf Flying it may make you sick It handles like a great big brick. If you fly a Phantom Two You're flying days will soon be through It flies at twice the speed of sound If you can get it off the ground. CHORUS continue #58. ** You Fly CHORUS If you fly a. "38 You'll never masturban * '.You'll get lard everyday. And if y? u ^Tyour meat, you'll nave to *eaXT? And do it several times, Ana upina. CHORUS (60) #59. BYE BYE BLACKBIRD (Tune: Bye-Bye Blackbird) There was a man, he was no good He took a girlie in the wood, He flies T-birds.,. Then he took off all her clothes An her shoes, and her hose He flies T-birds,. He took her where nobody else could find her Took a string and-ried her hands behind her Walked away and began to'sing, Began to sing, ting-a-ling, T.abirds^. r_flyy. #60. BROWN BROWN There was a young maiden named Adeline Schmidt, She went to the doctor cause she couldn't shit, He gave her some medicine wrapped up in glass, Up went the window and out went her ass, CHORUS It was brown, brown, shit falling down Brown, brown, shit all around. It was brown, brown, shit falling down The whole world was covered with shit. A handsome young copper was walking his beat, He happened*to be on that side of the street. He looked up so bashful, he looked up so shy, When a piece of brown shit, hit him right in the eye CHORUS , , . , This handsome young copper, he classed and he swore, He called that young maiden a dirty old whore. And under a bridge you can still see him sit, With a sign 'round his neck saying, "Blinded by Shit (61) #61. THE (Tune: [Tffenpoo: ong. From the hootch in Sout dwg ^ TO the place f ^ iom at Zuke To the strip We knew so well. Asia, Sing With Sing loud VY ~ . rVc asS CTTlb the fighteT 3o on high, their S la ^ f e ^ 0 t foo clearly, they poorly tot i .well. as U- - -ineces wildly, . T 1 thTOW out giasse . We will tnro_ Knlllhs aS well ^o S ^ o a L W D eU =an i? to Hell. And the fiaks at . Ar Vc who ua.ve - are t0 the town Help-he^-^P: t ,day, t HelP b -helP - - - - -- !; ; #62. Last nite, I - T did it twice. " ss>>? You must rea J; 1 1 j us e my feet. It feels so neat, floo r. SHake it, break it, it through the door. ^V.Ui b ."o< < ^ ink - - (62) #63. FRIGGING IN THE RIGGING Board the good ship Venus, My God you should have seen us The figurehead was a whore in bed, And the mast a rampant penis. CHORUS: Friggin' in the riggin', friggirf in the riggin', Friggin' in the riggin' , Thereis fuck all:' else - to do. The captain of his ligger He was a dirty bugger, He -wasn' t fit to shovel shit From one'place "to another. The first mate's name was Morgan, By God he was a gorgcn, Ten times a day he used to play Upon his sexual organ. The second mate's name was Andy, He was so young and randy. They boiled his bun in steaming rum For coming in the brandy. The Midshipman's name was Nipper, He was a dirty ripper, He filled his ass with broken glass to circumcise the skipper. The Captain's wife was Mable, When ever she was able, She'd fornicate with the Second Mate, Upon the gallery table. The Captain had a daughter, Who fell into the water, Delighted squeals revealed that eels had found her sexual quarter. The third, mate's name was Randy, My God, he was a dandy, They broke his cock with chunks of rock. For conking in the brandy. continue #63. Frigging in the Rigging The Captain's daughter Mable, They screwed when they were able. They nailed her tits, those lousy shits, Right to the Captain's table. In search of new sensation. In the forms of recreation, The ship was sunk, in a wave of gunk. From mutual masturbation.' (63) #64. GONNA TIE MY PECKER TO A TREE (Tune: Yippee Ti-ay) I fucked her standing, I fucked her lying. If she had wings, I'd fuck her flying. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree. I awoke in the morning and guess what I saw, Fifteen chancers and a big blue ball. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree. I went to a doctor because my pecker was sore, My God said the doctor you have been taken by a whore. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree. And now you can see I'm a peckerless man, I fuck 'em with my finger and fool 'em when I can. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree. Now the last time I saw her, and I haven't seen her since, She was- jacking off a doggie thru a barb wire fence. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree. Gonna tie my pecker to a tree. (64) #65. LUPE (Tune: THE BARING YOUNG MAN ON THE FLYING TRAPEZE) Down in cunt valley, where blood river flows, Where whoremongers flourish and cocksuckers grow, T 1 was there I met Lupe, the girl I adore, She's my hot fucking, cocksucking Mexican whore. She_got her first piece at the young age of 8, swinging one day on the old garden gate. The crossbar went out and the upright went in* Ever since she has lived in a welter of sin. ^ ^ug you, she'll fuck you, she'll gnaw at your nuts, bne ?l wrap her legs 'round you and suck out your guts. Sne 11 wrap her legs 'round you 'till you think you'll die Oh, I'D RATHER EAT LUPE THAN BLUEBERRY PIE' Lupe, poor Lupe, lies dead in her tomb, The worms crawl out of her decomposed womb. i smile on her face is a mute cry for more, She's my hot fucking, cocksucking Mexican whore. #66; NO BALLS AT ALL I There once was a girl named Sara Me Fox, With hair on her chest and cheese in her box. She married a man named Patrick McCall, with a very short pecker and no balls at all! What! No balls at all? No! No balls at all! A very short Decker and no balls at all! The very first night that they were wed. They took off their clothes and went straight to bed. She reached for his pecker, it was very small, She reached for his balls, he had no balls at'all! Now, Mother, dear Mother, Oh waht shall I do? I've married a man who never can screw. I reached for his pecker, it was very small, I reached for his halls, he had no balls at all! Oh, daughter, dear daughter, now don't be so sad; It was the same trouble I had with your Dad. There's many a man who will cane to"the call, of the wife of the man who has no balls at all! The daughter went home, took the mother's advise, and found the result most exceedingly nice. A bouncing young baby was bom in the fall, to the wife of the man who had no balls at all! (65) CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS -- - w r UOOI (Tune: FRITO-LAY MEXICAN SONG) w ? re tbree men fr T Birmingham, ??7 concerning them? ^ "* ? f Ay ay, ay, ay- Pilots always eat Pussy So sing us another verse ^/ orse than the other verse, oo waltz me around again Willie. MS ?? Sose body ^ co^ed f Sh1o^s S : SfbuS^enn^SfLTftef 1116 ' nor f ? rehead ' ?R re ?5 ce was a girl named Alice, They ^ ? ynamite stick for a fall ice. .And^fr^A 61 VaglIla " North Carolina, And part of her assnole in Dallas. SfboSgSt a^eySSli^tiT B ? St0n> Bu^Ms"^ a?T]h Si Si? Si S d io a sfS. of gas ' 2^723 S 5?^' And S?e h S &*%?? ?% ed *>> ^ "to brick, ^ke^/dSd^w^ hStaTOT' to'Stok'of^^^Syl^ve 0 ^ r '* a bit ? f a thit, And n iigSeS^ K Jit?fSt t of'hS e LS ayed StOIW weath er. CHORUS continue:Pilots .Always Eat Pussy CHORUS Whn 1 ? Qn S e J was a g irl France. !?o boarde d a train by chance. 2d " d conductor, CHORUS wenr 0?? m his pants. ttere once was a girl named Gail, fnd orhefbeSdHof^lSerf^e' br'd CHORUS th * Same " tf T tion in Braille. " ' ^Sr o ^ f T >?**<. CHORUS < <*. ttere was an old man from Kent, >ose pride was so long it beni. CHORUS " " o^XleT. " * d0Uble ' * w . en ? be awoke it was only a joke CHORUS ^ ^ ** bed goosed her ' niere was a young girl from Peru, 5hP the Bisho P withdrew. 3 e Vicker is quicker, he's also a licker CHORUS ma considerably thicker than you." There was a young man from St. Clair Mio boogered his wife on the stair. A j ^n^-Ster broke so he doubled his stroke CHORUS fUUShed her off " the air. StTOke ' < ? ce a lesbian named June, Mio toolc a young queer to her room. S L P? 1 lught " t0 "ho had the right CHORUS * hat ' " lth "hich, to whom. 8 ' a yomg Sirl named Myrtle The " the bench by a tuST ' WhichiSved tta- Sf; W ?f tWD eaggs a ***, CHORUS P ' a tiat turtle was fertile. f mathematician named Hall Mio had a hexahvdronical ball. Was 6 V8 6 o? f 5 MS plus eight, CHORUS ( 66 -a) continue #67. Pilots Alwavs Eat Pussy (Complements of C.C.C.) Alternate CHORUS: Ay,ay,ay,ay. ....Your sister swims out to meet trocrp ships and catches 'em. ....Your grandma flies "better than you do... ....Your "brother pukes twice a day and eats it... ....Your aephew eats toe-jam, from crocodiles... ....Your $ 4 Cter does squat thrusts on fire hydrants... ....Your grandpa sucks old swollen tampons... ... .Your sister sucks "boils off of buffaloes... ....Your mother licks bat shit off cave walls... ....Your underwear has skid marks from chili... ....Your sister eats eeel sperm off driftwood... ....You look like a cancerous scrotum... ....Your father fucks frogs in the forest... ....Your sister sucks sperm off of sand-crabs... ....Your mother mauls monkeys in Morrocco... ....Your brother coraholes Dune-Coons on Tuesday... ....Your flight suit smells like a goat fart.... ....Your brother eats eyeballs from maggots... ....Your father fucks dead whores for exercise... ....Your sister chews crab-lice from scrotums..? ....Your brother pokes porcupines with his pecker... ....Your father frenches vultures vaginas... ....Your uncle grows tapeworms for dinner... ....Your brother bites baboons bare bottoms... ....Your come clings to cockroaches cleavage... ....Your Aunt Mildred masturbates monkeys... ....Your sister chomps bird shit off tree bark... ....Your grandmother douches with weasel shit... ....Your sister catches clams with her cunt hairs... A canny Scotdch lass named McFarrgle, Without coaxing and such argy-bangle. Would suck a man's pud, just as hard as she could, And she saved uu the sperm for a gargle. CHORUS Said the priest to Miss Briget McLennin, "Sure, save a kiss of your twat isn't sinnin', * Jtnd he stuck to his story, 'til he tasted the gory, And the menstruous states she was in. CHORUS There was a young fellow named Meek, Who invented a lingual technique. It drove women frantic, and made them romantic, And wore all the hair off his cheek. CHORUS There was a young man of Nantucket, Whose prick was so long he could suck ir. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his -ir. "If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it.*" CHORUS (66-b) continue GHOBUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS CHORUS #67. Pilots Always Eat Pussy There was a young dancer, Prisicilla, Who flavored her cunt with vanilla. The taste was so fine, men and beasts stood in line, Including a stud Armadillo. Speaking of actions immoral, How about giving the laurel To doughty Queen Esther, No three men could best her, one fore, one aft, one oral. There once was a girl from. Johoew, Who'd lie on a mat on the floor, In a manner -uncanny, She'd wiggle her fanny, And drain your nuts to the core. There was a young girl named McGoffin, Who was fucked amazingly often. She was porked by scors, who'dbeen turned down by whores, And was finally screwed in her coffin. While fuckin' one night, Dr. Zuck, His wife's nipples in he ear, they got stuck. Then his thumb up her bum, he could hear himself come, Thus inventing the Radio Fuck. There once was a lady from Arden, Who sucked off a man in a garden. He said, "My dear Flo, where does all that stuff goT" And she said, "(Swallow hard)-I beg your pardo'." There was a young girl in Berlin, Who eked out a living through sin. She didn't mind fucking, but much preferred sucking, And she'd wipe off the pricks on her chin. An explorer whose habits were blunt, Once flavored some cannibal cunt. The asshole was hsitty, and -more was the pity-- It oozed from the rear to the front. There was an old fellow of Brest, Who sucked off his wife with a zest. Despite her great howls, he sucked out her bowels, And spit them all over her chest. CHORUS continue #67. Pilots Always Eat Pussy CHORDS CHORUS There was an old nan from Becauter, Took out his red-hot pertater. . . He tried at her dent, "but when his thing bent Re got down on his knees and he ate her. Meet Elmer Yound son of the Thorpes, Afflicted with psychotic warps. His idea of fun, is to "bugger nuns, And then vomit all over the corpses. Rat shit, Bat shit, dirty old twat, 69 douche bags tied in a knot. Eat, suck, fuck, shit, nibble, gobble, chew, We're the boys from Nacho flight. Who the fuck are you ? (67) #68. DARK AND DREAMY EYES A few old whores of Portsmith town, Were drinking Spanish wine, The gist of the conversation was, "1s:your cunt bigger than mine?" Then up there spake the airman's wife, And she was dressed in beige, And in one corner of her funny little thing, She had a Handly-Page, She had a Handly-Page, my boys, With a joy stick and its knob, And in the other corner, Were two airmen on the job. CHORUS: She had those dark and dreamy eyes, And a Whizz-bang up her jacksay, She was one of the flash-eyed whores, One of the old brigade. And then up spake the pilot's wife, And she was dressed in chrome, And in one corner of her funny little thing, She had the aerodrome, She had the aerodrome, my boys, The bombers and the troops, And in the other corner There Wimpys Looping loops. Then up there'spake the ops room girl, She was a little WAAF, And in one corner of her funny little thing, She had the Ops room staff, She had the Ops room staff, my boys, All fucking there like hell. And in the other corner, She'd had the signals staff as well. And then up spake the telephone girl, And she was dressed very strange, And in one corner of her funny little thing, She had a camp exchange. She had a camp exchange, my boys, The wires and all the switches. And in the other icorner, The C0 !l 'd left his britches. (68) # 69 . THE FOUR BASTARDS I'm a Democratic figure in those autocratic States A pathetic demonstration of heriditory traits As the daughter of the bakers baked the most delicious breads, As the sons of Casanoba filled the most exclusive beds. As the Roosevelts and Barrymores-and others I could name, Inherited theri talents which perpetuate their fame. My position in the structure of Society I owe, To those little qualities my parents bequeathed me long ago. Now my father was a traveling man and musical to boot. He used to play piano in a House of ill-repute, Where the Madam was a lady and a credit to her cult, She enjoyed my Daddy's playing and I was the result. So my Mammy and my Pappy are the ones I have to thank, That I grew up to be President of the City National Bank. In a cozy little farmhouse in a cozy little dell, A dear old fashioned father and his daughter used to dwell. She was sweet, she was gentle, she was tender, she was mild. But her sympathies were such that she was frequently with child. Now the hired man was favorite with the gal's in Mammy's set, And the traveling man from Scranton was an even-money bet. For such were mommy's morals-and such was her alure, That even Roger Babson wasn't very sure. When she was feeling gloomy I could always make her grin, By childishly inquiring who my pappy might have been. So I took my mammy's morals and I took my pappy's crust, And they appointed me head of a huge investment trust. . In a cozy little chain gang on a dusty southern road, My late lamented pappy has his permanent abode. Now some were there for stealing , but my pappy's only fault Was an overwhelming weakness for criminal assault. His philosophy was simple and free from moral tape, Seduction is for sissies, but a He-man was his rape. And tho pappy's list of victims was incredibly rich, And mammy was one of them, he'd never tell me which. Now I never went to college, but 1 got me a degree, I reckon 1'm the model of a perfect SOB. I'm a debit to my country, but I 'm a credit to my dad, h!m the most expensive Senator this nation ever had. I'm an autocratic figure in these democratic states. A pathetic demonstration of hereditary traits, As the daughters of policement have the largest feet. As the daughter of the floozie has a wiggle tp je r seat My position at the bottom of society I owe, To those little qualities my parents bequeathes ~e Now my father he was married man and what : s eve- He was married to my Mother, a fact that I cec'c-e I was born in Holy wedlock, consecuenc'y by-a-c ; 169) continue #69 The Four Bastards ! was rooked by every bastard with plunder in his eye. I invested, I deposited, I voted every fall- And if I had a nickel the bastards took it all. But at last I've learned my lesson and I'm on the proper track, I'm a self-appointed bastard, and I'm out to get it back. #70. YOU'LL NEVER MIND Come and join the Air Force, We're a happy band they say. We never do a 1ick of work, Just fly around all day, While others work and study And soon grow old and blind. We take to the air without a care, And you will never mind. CHORUS-You'll never mind, you'll never mind So come and join the Air Force And you will never mind. Come and get promoted As high as you desire. You're riding on a gravy train, If you're an Air Force flier. And when you get to Genral, you will surly find Your wings fall off, the dough roils in But you will never mind. You rake it up and spin it And with an awful tear Your wings fall off, the ship spins in But you will never care, For in about two mintues more, Another pair you'll find, You'll dance with Pete in an angel's suit, But you will never mind. While flying the Pacific You hear the engine spit You watch the tach come to a stop The God Damn thing has quit The ship won't float, and you can't swim The shore is far behind Oh, what a dish for crabs and fish But you will never mind. C 70) con t nue You'll Never Mind While flying over Laos In a Thunderchief There's one thing to remember And that's my firm belief I've only got one engine, Jack And if that bastard quits It'll be up there all by itself Cause I will shit and git. And if some wily MIG 21 Should shoot you down in flames Don't sit around and bellyache And call the bastard names Just hit the silk, it's cream and milk And pretty soon you'll find There is no Hell and all is well And you will never mind. (7i) # 71 . THE HIGHLAND TINKER There was a man from Highland, A tinker by his trade, (by his trade...) And with his kidney wiper, A legend he has made, (legend he has made...) CHORUS-With his bloody great kidney wiper, And his balls the size of three And a yard and a half of foreskin... Hanging down below his knees. The lady of the manor was dressing for the ball, (for the ball...) When she heard the Highland Tinker Humping up against the wall, (against the wall...) The lady wrote a letter and in it she did say, (she did say...) I'd rather be fucked by you sir, Than his lordship any day, (lordship any day...) The tinker got the letter and in it He did read, (he did read...) His balls began to fester and prick began to bleed, (began to bleed...) He jumped up on his stallion and away he did ride, (away he did ride...) With his prick thrown over his shoulder, And his balls strapped to his side, (strapped to his s;c He jumped off his stallion and tied it to a wall, (tied it to a wall...) and the maid cried to the butler, "He's come to fuck us all!" (fuck us all...) He fucked the cook in the kitchen, he fucked the maid in the hall, (maid in the hail...) But when he fucked the butler, T'was the dirtiest trick of all, dirtiest :r'cK of ail.. At last he fucked the lady, Against the bedroom door, (against the becrooro door...; But judging by the size of her cunt. He thought she'd been a whore, (been a