Below is the contents of The Bawdy Beautiful: The Sphere Book of Improper Verse edited by Alan Bold.
The Bawdy Beautiful
The Sphere Book of Improper Verse
Edited by ALAN BOLD
SPHERE BOOKS LIMITED
30/32 Gray's Inn Road, London WC1X 8JL
Alan Bold was bom in 1943 in Edinburgh, where he
attended university and trained as a journalist.
Since 1966 he has been a full-time writer and
visual artist and since 1975 he has lived in rural
Fife with his wife and daughter. He has published
many books of poetry including To Find the
New, A Perpetual Motion Machine, The State of
the Nation and This Fine Day. He has edited
The Penguin Book of Socialist Verse, The
Martial Muse: Seven Centuries of War Poetry,
The Cambridge Book of English Verse 1939-1975
and Making Love: the Picador Book of Erotic
Verse. He has also written critical books on
Thorn Gunn and Ted Hughes, George Mackay
Brown and The Ballad. In addition he has had
many exhibitions of his 'Illuminated Poems'
(pictures combining an original poetic manuscript
with an illustrative composition).
First published by Sphere Books Ltd 1979
Introduction, Note on the Text and the arrangement of this
anthology copyright © 1979 by Alan Bold
This book is sold subject to the condition that
if shall not, by way of trade or otherwises be lent,
re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without
the publisher's prior consent in any form of
binding or cover other than that in which it is
published and without a similar condition
including this condition being imposed on the
subsequent purchaser.
Set in Monotype Baskerville
Printed in Great Britain by
Hazell Watson & Viney Ltd
Aylesbury, Bucks
Contents
Introduction
ix
In deference to the anonymity of the poems and the
problematic chronology of some of them, they have
been arranged alphabetically without the definite
and indefinite articles. Detailed textual information
Is provided In the Individual headnotes and the Note
on the Text
1. Abdul Abul Bul Amir
1
2. Ainster lassie and her Greek
4
3. Answer '
6
4. As I earn o'er the Gairney Mount
7
5. As I was riding
-8
6. Baker's boy
10
7. Ball of Kirriemuir
13
8. Barnacle Balls the Sailor
20
9. Bastard King of England
22
10. Black thing 24
11. Blind Neil
26
12. Blow the candle out
27
13., Bold English navvy
29
14, Bonnie wee lassie who never said no
31
15. Bonny Kate
33
16. Botany Bay. 34
17. Bride's letter
36
18. Bugger's Alphabet
41
19. Butcher
44
20. Camel
46
21. Cats on the rooftops
48
22. Charlotte
50
23. Christopher Colombo
52
24. Cock and broomstick
54
25. Cold
55
26. Come live with me
56
27. Come on lads
57
28.. Comin' thro' the Rye
58
29. Cooper o' Dundee
59
30. Cruising round Yarmouth
80
31. Cuckoo's nest
61
32. Cumnock psalms
62
v
33. Gunning cobbler
63
34. Cunt
65
35. Derby ram
66
36. Down In the valley
68
37. Duncan Davidson. 72
38. Ellibanks
73
39. Eskimo Nell
74
40. Family
85
41. Foggy foggy dew
86
42. Four old whores
89
43. Frigging, 90
44. Frisky mots of London
91
45. Fruitful ground
93
48. Fucking machine
95
47. Furze field
98
48. Good Ship Venus
99
49. Green grow the rashes O 104
50. Hermit
106
51. Heroes
108
52. Ho boy
110
53. Hole in the elephant's bottom
111
54. Hymn of sorrow.
112
55. I dreamed my love
115
56. I wish I was...
117
57. Jack and Jill
118
58. John Anderson my Jo
119
59. Johnie Scott
121
60. Kathoozalem
122
61. Keyhole In the door
126
62. Last night I lay In bed
128
63. Long peggin' awl
129
64. Lulu
130
65. Lusty blacksmith
132
66. Madgie cam to my bed-stock
134
67. Maiden's wish
135
68. Mary
136
69. Ma's out
137
70. Meeting
138
71. Mobile
139
72. Modiewark
141
73. Mower
142
74. Muirland Meg
144
vi
75. My mistress
145
76. Nae hair on't
148
77. Never wed an old man
149
78. New deal 151
79. No balls at all
152
80. Nutting girl 153
81. O dear what can the matter be
154
82. O no John
155
83. O that I durst
157
84. Ocean liner 158
85. Of all the seas
160
86. Old farmer
162
87. On Monday
163
88. Once twice thrice
164
89. O'Reilly
165
90. Origin of copulation
168
91. Origin of species
169
92. Our gudewife's sae modest
171
93. Our lass Bess
172
94. Oyster Nan
173
95. Parson
174
96. Pastoral
176
97. Pillycock
177
98. Ploughman
179
99. Poor little Angelina
181
100. Portion of a woman. 183
101. Pudding 186
102. Put it in
188
103. Queen and Louise
190
104. Rangy Lil
191
105. Red flag
193
106. Reels o' Bogie
194
107. Ringerangeroo
196
108. Roger
197
109. Sailor
198
110. Sailor's farewell '
199
111. Samuel Hall
200
112. She had to go and lose It 202
113. She wears
203
114. She wore 110 House
204
115. Susanna
205
116. Tailor
206
vii
117. Taking a maidenhead
209
118. Tenement to let
211
119. These foolish things
212
120. This is his life
213
121. Thrashing machine
216
122. Tinker
217
123. Tobacco
222
124. Tradesmen
223
125. Twankydilio
225
126. Twins
226
127. Una's lock
227
128. Uncle George
230
129. Up in the belfry
231
130. Vicar
232
131. Wake at Kildare
234
132. Wanton seed
235
133. Wanton trick
236
134. Westminster whore
238
135. Willing lover
239
136. Winnipeg whore
241
137. Woodpecker 242
138. Woozle
243
139. Would you do that?
244
140. Woman's cunt
245
141. Yellow yellow yorlin'
248
142. Ye'se get a hole to hide it in
247
143. Young and old women
249
144. Young man of Brighton Pier
250
Note on the text
252
Index of first lines
253
viii
Note en the text
Unless otherwise indicated in the headnotes the texts are
traditional and I would like to thank the following for com-
municatlng material to me: Alex Bridge, J. P. Bridger, Cedric
Boam, Geoffrey Brown, T. Christie, Paddy Clark, Adam
Cohen, Neil Fenton, Alan Grant, C. I. C. Harrison-Wallace,
D. W. Hutchings, Forbes MacGregor, P. Motte-Harrison,
S. W. Nelki, Tom Scott, Drew Snider, John Wiseman. Three
abbreviations are used in the headnotes: Legman is Gershon
Legman's indispensable study of erotica The Horn Book (New
York 1964); MMC is The Merry Muses of Caledonia which exists
in several editions hence the emphasis on date of publication;
Pills Is Thomas D'Urfey's Wit and Mirth; or Pills to Purge
Melancholy (6 vols., 1719-20). Purists may object to the
omission of musical illustration but 1 wanted to present, to a
wide public, the primary textual material. Some of the pieces
are tuneless recitations and, as far as rural bawdry Is con-
cerned, I agree with Legman (p. 407) that 'the basic activity
of folksong is not that of the musician but that of the poet5.
Music is, of course, a useful mnemonic device and in time
bawdry, like balladry, may get its Bronson. Meanwhile some
of the items (Nos. 12B, 13, 14, 30, 31, 33, 41B, 63, 77, 80, 121,
122B) can be heard, as performed by skilled folksingers, on
Songs of Seduction (Topic Records 1961, 12T 158). There is
also an excellent Australian recording of bawdy songs, in-
cluding a fine rendering of 'Eskimo Nell': The "R" Certificate
Song Book (Balwyn, Victoria, 2 vols., R1 and R2). For future
editions of this book I would be delighted to receive fresh
contributions from the general public: either new examples
of bawdry or variants of items included in the anthology. I
can be reached via Sphere Books.
252 '
Index of first lines
A country lad and bonny lass they did together meet 188
A is the arsehole all covered in hair
41
A is the Artfulness in the words he uses
41
A lusty young butcher near Leadenhall dwelt
44
A lusty young smith at his vice stood a filing
132
A lusty young smith at his vice stood a filing
133
A Ringerangeroo
196
. A wanky hanky in a London taxi
212
Aboard the good Ship Venus
100
Among our young lassies there's Muirland Meg 144
An airman once before he died
96
An airman told me ere he died
96
As ae day Bob a fishin' gaed frae Ainster to Pittenweem 4
As I cam o'er the Galrney mount
7
As 1 looked o'er yon castle wa'
62
As I walked out one spring morning fair
235
As I was a-walking one morning in May
129
As I was drinking in Reilly's bar
165
As I was riding by the way
8
As I was sitting by the fire
165
As I went down a shady lane at a door I chanced to knock 218
As I went o'er yon misty moor
138
As I went to Westminster Abbey
238
As Oyster Nan stood by her tub
173
Bonny Kate, kenny Kate, lay thy leg o'er me
33
Britannia, fair garden of this favoured land
34
Gats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles
48
Cock and broomstick, cunt and pole
54
Gold as the hairs on a polar bear's bum
55
Come all you young maidens and listen to me
152
Come live with me and be my whore
56
Come on lads, gather round, here's to a damned good
supper
57
Cunt is a greedy, unsatisfied glutton
65
Dear Belle
36
Dear Mary, I promised to write directly to school I
returned
. 95
253
Did ye hear about the Ball, my lads?
13
Don't move away there, stranger
191
Down in the meadow, the river running clear 142
Ellibanks and Ellibraes
73
First time J met her I met her in green
88
For an aul' man come courtin' me
149
For there was an old farmer in Down he did dwell 216
Four old whores from Winnipeg
89
From twelve years5 old I oft have been told
186
From twenty to thirty if a man lives right
213
Gin a body meet a body
58
'Good mornings Mister Reilly
166
Gudewife, when your gudeman's frae hame 244
He that a tinker, a tinker, a tinker will be
217
Here's a health to the merry blacksmith ■ 225
Hitler said 'More babies'
151
Ho boy, hey boy
no
Home presents a dismal picture
112
I am not ill-favoured, halt or lame
93
I come to a cross and I met a wee lass
31
I dreamed my love lay in her bed
115
I have a tenement to let
211
I have got a furze field, my own dearest jewel
98
I inserted my finger in the woodpecker's hole
242
I took my love home early
126
I wanted to go on the stage.
111
I wish I was a fascinating bitch
117
If anyone long for a musical song
236
If you're inclined to have a treat
91
Il Duce gives the order
109
In days of yore there lived a whore
123
In Fourteen-Ninety-Two
' 52
In harvest-time I walked
206
In Judah's shade there lived a maid
122
In sober hours I am a priest
104
It fell on a day, in the flow'ry month o' May 246
It was down in OH Texas
50
It was on an Ocean Liner 158
254
It was one summer's morning on the fourteenth day of
May
142
It was the Good Ship Venus
103
I've heard of the bird called the Woozle
243
Jack and Jill went up a hill
118
John Anderson, my jo, John
119
John Brown the Factor
16
Last night I lay in bed and pulled my plonker
128
Life presents a dismal picture
112
Listen to my tale of sorrow
113
Madgie cam to my bed-stock
134
Mary in the kitchen pummelling duff
136
Ma's out, Pa's out
137
May itching piles consume you
199
Men when robust and strong are apt to love
90
My days of youth are over
213
My first trip up the Tipaway River
241
My lady's coachman John, being married to her maid 6
My mistress is a hive of bees
146
My mistress is a shuttlecock
148
My sporting days are over
214
Now come all you jovial fellows, come listen to my song 153
Now the sons of the Prophet were randy and bold
1
O dear what can the matter be?
154
O ken ye na our lass, Bess ?
172
O maidenhead taking's a very great bore
209
'O mother, darling mother, there's a wake at Kildare 234
O mother, Roger with his kisses
197
O my name is Samuel Hall, Samuel Hall 200
O that I durst but thread your needle, lady
157
O the eagles they fly high in Mobile!
139
O the miller, the dusty musty miller
223
O wat ye ought o' fisher Meg
104
O will ye speak at our town
247
Of all the seas that's coming
160
Oh, lam a bachelor and I live alone 87
Oh, I'm a bold English navvy that fought on the line 29
255
Oh, four and twenty merry maids
17
Oh once there was a tinker
219
Oh once there was a tinker
220
Oh the Baker's boy to the Chandler's went 10
. Oh, the parson came home drunk
174
On Monday 1 touched her on the ankle
163
On the good ship Venus
99
On yonder hill there lives a lady
155
Once, twice, thrice I Julia tried
164
One day a year ago a sailor came to me
198
One very hot day in the summer last year
250
Our gudewife's sae modest
171
Ours is a dark and dreary household
113
Pillycock came to my lady's toe
177
She lay up to the navel bare
239
She was sweet sixteen, little Angelina
181
She wears her silk pyjamas in summer when it's hot 203
She wore no blouse and i wore no trousers
204
Some girls work in factories
130
Success to Dame Nature for 'twas by her plan
168
Susanna was a lady with plenty of class
205
That portion of a woman that appeals to man's depravity 185
The amorous urge of the camel
46
The Baker's boy to the Chandler's went
11
The Duce gives the order
108
The family took it much to heart. 85
The first time I met her
69
The first time 1 met her 1 met her in white
69
The minstrels sing of an English king
22
The modiewark has done me ill 141
The ploughman he's a bonnie lad
179
The portions of a woman that appeal to man's depravity 184
The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity 183
The Queen and Louise sat down to their teas
190
The sexual desires of the camel.
46
The sexual desires of the camel
.. 47
The sexual life of a camel
47
The sweaty sock beside the used French Letter 212
The urge ofthe camel for pleasure 46
258
The vicar of a country church
232
There is a thorn bush in oor kail-yard
61
There once was a hermit who lived in a dell
106
There once was a vicar of Balham
232
There was a lass, they ca'd her Meg
72
There was a ram of Derbyshire
66
There was a young apprentice who went to meet his dear 28
There was an old farmer who sat on a rock
162
There's a blind girl lives down our street
26
This is just a little story, but the truth I'm going to tell
63
Those portions of a female which appeal to man's
depravity
184
Twa an' twa made the bed 61
'Twas a young apprentice boy
27
'Twas noon in the month of May
176
'Twas on a sweet morning
227
'Twas on a warm and sultry day
193
'Twas on the Good Ship Venus
102
Uncle George and Auntie Mabel
230.
Uncle George is much improved
230
Up in 't belfry Verger stands
231
We'd like to tell you a little story
202
We're the twins, ting-a-ling-a-ling
226
Whare will we get a coat to Johnie Scott
121
When a man grows old, and his balls grow cold 81
When Adam and Eve were first put into Eden 169
'When i was in my prenticeship and learning of my trade 86
When men grow old and their balls grow cold 74
When wishes first enter a maiden's breast
135
While cruisin' round Yarmouth one day for a spree 60
'Who's that knocking on my door?
20
Woman's cunt
245
Ye coopers and hoopers attend to my ditty
59
Ye nymphs and ye swains that trip over the plains 24
Yestreen I wed a lady fair 148
You. lads and lasses all that dwell
194
You that in love do mean to sport
222
Young women to the dancing schools repair 249
Your spooning days are over
214
257