Lt Col Jim Grassman
Commander
Major Rick High
Ops Officer
Command Post
Lt Col Frank Johnson
Capt Bill Jones
Capt Ray Osborn
Capt Bob Whitney
Capt.Bob Allen
Capt Stan Baker
Capt Bill Bley
Capt Harry MFACM Caivino
Capt Tim Chatagnier
Capt Jim Conrad
Capt Riok Davignon
Capt Jim hichlln
Capt Pete "Glucose*1 Glushko-
Capt Ray Gorezyea
Capt Sam "Bubba" Hays
Capt Bill "Willie" Irons
Capt Cashmir "Cash" Jaszczak
Capt Mike "Zoom & Boom" Krenek
Capt Jim Kunzman
Capt Bill Kyle
Capt Dan "L^/upy1 , oii-r.-; /er
Capt Sid '* "o:ifn Lorlo
■ Capt iviarK .t; Lane on
Capt kd "o^k" lH I. ;r
C10 u :j f?vo A \ ^Ttvre
Cap t T z. key A " ^ j
>., , . ^ b •/ Ij'J "s „ , A _ * J j *, *
U, *
Cap Z kv/e "(JOuu'i-T / ' -! 3b<- ? «;»;
k a p c R i o k k u i«. c ? r
Capt Gary "Ro?;1--:" *k—:/oj *;
•-/dp g .\3- r* . i f ji%
Cant Rob ?kn/) - fe k} * '
Capt John Walker
ILt Milt Ames
ILt Jim Bisset
ILt Frank Boyd
ILt "Whispering" Bernie Bullock
ILt "'Bullet*1 Sob Cohen
1L t 4a1 D onahue
ILt Steve Doucet
ILt Rick flAceft Dunn
ILt Din Parmer
ILt J fry "The Kid" Gillespie
I f/fc X * i "Cubby" kl Lmes
Iijt 0- /Ul ilk "Qrv" [And
ILt 6 kiitlrigly
i x k- ax "iocrn. :* "ioorn" Postal
8 ; % ;k~ . <\ A" riia.% r i,;ht
4! "k * ;v * , v d „ a.-,-: c # kl)
'ks *>', A X'r ' r*. ?r ' ] n/*' j'kkt'/k
THE ^9^TH FIGHTER P1L0TSS SONGBGGK
INTRODUCTION
This in a word of warning . # , . a warnina to tnose readers
whose tender sensibilities may, or more accurately will,
be offended by the language of these ballads, But it is
no apology to them, For these are the songs that are sung
by fighter pilots tnroughout the English speaking world,
They reflect xne rrumnors of men at war, the morals of pilots
who drink to forgot for an evening the combat mission they
must fly at dawn,
Many of thooo lyrics wer^ adapted by pilots of the Korean
conflict, after n.avin^ b!-en popular anon^ xrn ;?aaie warriors
daririp vnv I ] # Tl^^rurn, the.-** \r& nor tno aon^'s of a
particular
degenerate veneration, Ofa/y arc?, nowever, an integral part of
military life in tho fiald,
You mat: t accept or ignore thnm as wo accept or ignore the
conditions taat inspired thoir authora to write them and
as to a ina; the id, '
i: J. OH TER PILC T f S LAME NT
Oh, there are no fighter pilots clown In hell
Oh, there are no fighter pilots down in hell
Oh,, the place Is .full of queers,
Navigators, bombardiers
Oh, there are no fighter pilots' down in hell,
Oh, there Fire no bomber pilots In the fray
Oh, there are no bomber pilots in the fray
They are In the USO*s,
Wearing ribbons, fancy clothes
Oh, there are no bomber pilots in the fray,
Oh, the bomber pilots life is just a farce
Oh, the bomber pilots life is just a farce
The automatic pilots on,'
Hefs reading novels in the John
Oh, the bomber pilots life is just a farce.
Oh* there are no fighter pilots up in wing
Oh, there are no fighter pilots up in wing
The place is full of brass
Sitting 'round on their fat ass *
Oh, there are no fignter pilots up in wing*
Oh, there are no fighter pilots in the States
Oh, there are no fighter pilots in the States
They are off on foreign shores
Making mothers out of whores
•■Oh, there are no fighter pilots in the States*
Oh, there are no fighter pilots in Japan
Oh, there are no fignter pilots in Japan
They are all across rJie bay
Being shot at every day
Oh, there are no fignter pilots in Japan
Oh, itfs naughcy naughty naughty but it's nice
If you evur do it once you111 go ix rvlcp
[ tf1i wreck your re pa tat1on
B u c 1 n o r e a a *} :; h e p o p u 1 a 11 3 a
It's mu^hty ,viu~~b"y nau^htv loul L'.'r; aw
uru j toi-ni'r t/jlot never icak^n i ];ir-\
bht :i oci.o'-r ollut nv.,vcr srdA.»; t 5a.-.,
hi:.* -vrcG "i^ uv 3g^s,
;. _ '
- l* i mo, 3 ooi. b. ^ 4j-o< .v:J,<-; :nvo mr olun
.Vnen "* *>:,,{:< tc ;> xr< -Vka var.o o-*r ».*u „
!»j :i **♦' ->ji " : :r*w<.< ^ I) vine vf j'jin
'.;, the' e are , a :'* j *'*.*c %il,- * :,:a>i1 In hell,
AIR FORCE SONG
Off we go, into the wild blue yonder
Climbing high, into the sun.
Here they come zooming to meet our thunder
At *em boys, give her the gun,
. Down we dive* spouting- our flame from under,
Off with one hell of a roar,
We live In fame, or go down in flame,
Nothing can stop the U.S. Air Force*
CHORUS
Here's a toast to the host of those who boast
The vastness of the sky.
To a friend we send a message of
His brother men who fly,
We drink to those who gave their all of old
As down we roar to score the rainbow*spot of gold,
Here's a toast ot the host of those who boast
The U.S. Air Force,
Minds of men fashioned a orate of thunder,
Set it high into the blue*
Hands of men blasted the world asunder';
How they lived God only Knew! (God only knew then-1)
Souls of men dreaming of skies to conquer
Gave us wings, ever to soar!
With fighters before and bombers galore
Nothing * 11 stop the U„S. Air Force.
Off we go Into the vviid sky yonder,
Keep the wings level and true $
If you'd live to be a grey-haired wonder
Keep your nose out of the blue! (Out of the blue, boy!)
. Flying men, ^uardi'n^ the nation*s border,
W e * 1 i b e the r e , f o 11 o w e d o y m o r e I
In eoh 1 on v;e oarr}r on,
Nothing f 11 stop th^ U/-\ Vir .u'orco!
Little ■di--5 •uit'i"*:, -*'*-,: \ :•: ?; ';
. CHORUS: "
With his little white- kidney wipe
And balls the size of these
And a half yard of foreskin
Hangin* down below his knees
0hf hangin1 down
Oh, hangin1 down
With a half yard of foreskin
Hangin1 down below his knees.
THE DUCHESS
Oh, the duchess, she was dressing
Dressing for the ball
When out the window*
■ She did spy him
Pissing on the wall.
CHORUS :
So, she sent him a letter
And in it she did' say
I'd rather be fucked by you
Than my husband any day,
CHORUS *
So, he mounted on his charger
And through the streets he did ride
With his balls slung o*re his shoulder
And his cock lashed to his side,
CHORUS i
Oh, he rode into the courtyard
He rode into the hall
"Uy God! » u cried zne hu113r
"He's cone uo fuck us il;,t
CHORUS 1
Oh, he fucked tne cook In The kitchen
He lucked the ma lei in the hull
But when he fucked the butler
*Twa3 the dirtiest fuck of a": J
CHORUS :
Tiv.'A ft', .iiour* fc'vj c-; m- :r(=r-:':i'
And »;o i * 1 ciio tV-i * r,^ v t ;
v iKh ! « >:ni . - rrM ; *. " -^.« . ~
? I. r. :r—art, •; * w*: c -; •; si: ,:>:*:,
'Sn, .;:w/ o ly S;\^ • enc :c .: : i>^
vacy \' vy ■• ? * -t i^-*c * c c >1 L
'.'\v2.7 -»av ^ **' : "J ':h*.! t r/l L
And i Afiu>! r:: C'j-l j '-ioi -.■?.] 1*
SriUUJ ; s
ADELINE SCHMIDT
There was once a maiden named Adeline Schmidt
She went to the doctor * cause she couldn't shit
He gave her some medicine all wrapped up in glass.
Up went the window and out went her ass.
It was brown, brown shit falling down
It was brownf brown shit all around
It was brown, brown shit falling down
The whole world was covered with SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.
A handsome young copper was walking his beat
He happened to be on that side of the street
He looked up to bashful, He looked up so shy
and a great'gob of shit hit him right in the eye.
It was,brown, brown shit falling down
It was brown, brown shit all around
It was brown, brown shit falling down
The whole world was covered with SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.
The handsome young copper, he cursed and he swore
He called that .'young maiden a dirty fuckin1 whore
1 Neath London bridge he is now forced to sit
With a sign f round his neck saying "Blinded by Shit,**
It was-brown, brown shit falling down
It was brown, brown shit all around
It was brown, brown shit falling down
The whole world was covered with SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT,
PLtiArMJ DuN'/f JSUfJ/ » THE SHIT HOUSE OOWW
Please don't; burn the shithouje down,
r/Iotr>;r has prom is :d to p^y,
jVothr;r ic: drunk, '^ato'-r'i in 'ill,
,l\ s t: %r* s in i J »m 1 1 y ',«;•:
i irnrvJ .* c-i i>:ch i *.' .nrd .
So, rusr-y^.i j;-i*t »*.'..**n %l:>: -i.*)l *~ >.<*>n$ i "^ ;/*o
;
Or \ve*M al" -*. .*/<; to ;3/• ; In -"he ,/v >"*d ,
SAMMY SMALL
(SEA Version)
0hf come •round us fighter pilots, fuck •em all,
Oh, come fround us fighter pilots, fuck 'em all,
0ht we fly the goddamn plane
Through the flak and through the rain,
And tomorrow .we* 11 do it again, so fuck •em all.
Oh, they tell us not to think, fuck 'em all,
Oh, they tell us not to think, fuck •em all,
Oh, they tell us not to think,
Just to dive and just to jink,
LB J • s a' goddamn fink, so fuck 'em all.
Oh, we bombed IViuGia Pass, fuck 'em all,
Oh, we bombed MuGia Pass, fuck • em all,
Oh, we bombed- MuGia Pass*
Though we only made one pass,
They really stuck it up our ass, so fuck fem all.
Oh, we1re on a JO3, fuck 'em all,
OH, we1re on a JOS, fuck fem all,
Oh they sent the whole damn win,?,
Probably half of us will sing,
What a silly fucking thin#, so fuck. * em all,
Oh, we lost our fucking way, fuck • em all,
Oh, we lost our fucking way, fuck 'em all,
Oh, we 3 traf ed fr oddamn hanol,
Killed eve ry iaokinf %ir1 and hoy,
What a p;oddamn fuck Lru; ,j oy, uo iuck f em n 11.
Oh, my bird i<ot all Khofc up, fu3k • e»n all,
Uh, my bird /rot 111 s-'hot npf luck f e'& - > i i,
u h, m y b 1 rd i t d i d ^;e i; <; n o t,
And I-LI probably cry a lot,
But 1 stilL til .ink that H'ts shit hot, io t\;ck sCiH all.
Vvhil'? I*fi ^/Iv.in-'* in -u> «:hut", /^;\ ' m -ai,
vdii L** I 'in Tarr-""1 *; j m jiy -dVti,- ,
Oo:^1:; thio illl-^ . vrflri/ tool;,
SAMMY SMALL
uhf my name is Sammy Small, fuck * em all,
Oh, my name is Sammy Small, funk 'em all,
Oh, my name is Sammy Small, and 1 only have one ball,
But it's better than none at a LI, so fuck •em all.
Oh, they say I killed a man, fuck 'era all,
Oh, they say T killed a man, fuck * em all,
They :;ay i ohot him dead, with n piece of fucking lead
How that silly fucker f*s dead, so fuck 'em, ail.
Oh, they i-;ay I'm -;oin,c; to owirv;, fuck f em all,
Oh, they uay I'm ^oln?; to swing, fuck 8em alL,
Oh, they nay i'm -soinp; to swinp;, from a piece of fucking
string,
What a 3il Ly fucking thing, so fuck fem all.
Oh, the parson he will come, so fuck • em all,
Oh, the parson he will come, so fuck 'era all,
Oh, the parson he will come, with his tales of kingdom come,
He can shove •em up his bum, so fuck •em all.
Oh, the hangman wore a mask, .fuck •em.all,
Oh, the hangman wore a mask, fuck 'era all,
Oh, the hangman wore a mask, for his -silly fucking task,
What a bi1Ly fuck1nj ass, so fuck •em a11 ♦
Oh, the sheriff will be there too, fuck *em all,
Oh, the sherifi will he there too, fuck *em all,
Oh, the sheriff will be there too, with his silly fucking crew,
They've .not Cue- ail alje to k», ~;o firdi 1 om all,
I s aw M o 11 y 1 n t h e c r owd , f uf * k f e m all,
1 saw ivioLly in the oro//d, fuck *em ali,
1 saw MolJv in fcno crowd, and [ felt ao fuekin^ proud,
fhat 1 ohuut^d r^:;ht out loud, fuck s em aLJ.
0h , tr,o han-r'rnan n * I 1 $d 111e rr.eo , Puck, ' < ,n -<
11,
ohf th" nan *mun nuLLed che rone, fuck 'na ill,
On, tee mr, «\un puj 1 -d t V3 ^ore, won n i silly fucking
joke,
uow my '0(i''»*,f ^i ar-l t ^ hr"1- ,-, > «-d!-0 -S f •.
>.~L-L,
THE SCOTCH WEDDING
Ohr the king was In. the counting house,
Accounting out his wealth.
The queen was in the 'bedroom
A-playing with herself,
CHORUSi Singing balls to your partner,
Your ass against the wall*
If you don't get laid on Saturday night,
You Ml never get laid at all.
Oh, the bride was in the bedroom
Explaining to the groom,
The vagina, not the rectum
Is the entrance to the womb,
CHORUS*
Oh, the local vicar he was there,
And very surprised to see
Four and twenty maidenheads
A-hanging from, a tree,
CHORUSt
Oh, the village parson he was there,
And he wasn't proud,
Hanging from the chandlier
And pissing on the crowd,
CHORUSi
Oh, the parson's wife, Oh, :$he was there,
S eated d own i n front,
A wreath of rooari 'round her neck
And a carrot up her cunt.
CHORUSi
Oh, i.no t*rc?on,r* d -o. >;hter, Or, ..-' ; ..',*- ;.*;--;
Sh<:j h \A v.-sm aii In i\Xz t
Sivhir :V ^n cno man+;Ie ^Loci end
- mo in ; >n :>' r ";I c:>.
Oh, !.h«? vi : *[ 'i^ : ^i L-;/; , ../. •,-.. .-- ; - s
/i11 t;H an '. ;i 1:' * r./ >' i - r !; i r° «
Oh, the idiot1s brother he was there,
Actinf quite the fool,
With his foreskin in his hand
He was whistling through his tool,
CHORUS t
Oh, the letter carrier he was theret
A-clumsy sort of ox,
He screwed all the women
Then he screwed the letter box,
GHORUSs
Oh, the village cripple he was there,
He couldn't do too much,
He laid 'em all along the floor
And screwed * em with his crutch,
CHORUSt
Oh, the chimney sweep, Oh, he was there,
HSi had a very large root,
But every time he let a fart
He filled the room with soot.
CHORUSi
Oh, the village butcher he was there,
His clever in his hand,
And every time lie turned around
He circumcised the band,
CHORUSi
Oh, the village blacksmith ne was there,
His hammer and his awls,
. He was talk in1 to the countess
And showing off his balls,
CHORUS:
uh, bha ao^erdasrijr he ..as there,
Doin^ Cii i3 nan t;b.-»i,,
<Vbappia* bio i-im!; *']",<> **. regular leal",
And aatc^in1 -.. t \rx bb* ;;,b;,
CHORUSi
There was fuckin1 in the barley
And fuckIn1 in the oats,
Some were fuck In1 sheep
and some were fuckIn* goats
CHORUS j
They were fuckin1 in the hayloft,
And fuckin1 in the ricks,
. You could not hear the music
For the slushing of the pricks,
CHORUSi
They were fuckin1 in the hallways,
• And fuckin1 on the stairs,
You couldn*t see the carpet
For the cum and curly hairs.
CHORUS,
NELLIE DARLING
Oh, your ass is like a stovepipe Nellie darling,
And the nipples on your tits are turning green,
There• s a yard of lint protruding from your navel,
You*re the ugliest fucking bitch Ifve ever seem
There*8 a million crabs abounding 'round your pussy,
When you pissf you piss a stream as green as grass,
There's enough wax in your ear to make a candle
So why not make one dear and shove it up your ass!
"0.h, ,u u X
Sally in i:*'e -*11ey inf^ing o v^^r*:,
Lifted .. p r.'zr l-.1*7 r*?A Vr";d l.k- i -x i «
Sini fro*"*** '. 'j ^ *v* v "»I : \rv ? ** v *♦'*':•! !>,**£,
FIGHTER PILOT'S HYMN
By the ring around his eyeball, you can tell a bombadier,
You can tell a bomber pilot by the spread across his rear*
You can tell a navigator by his Loran, maps and such,
You. can tell a fighter pilot, but you cannot tell him much,
CHORUSi it's a lie, It's a lie,
You can tell the silly bastards it's a lie, lie, lie
It's a lie, It's a lie
You can tell the silly bsatards it's a silly fucking lie.
We fly our fucking phantoms at ten thousand fucking feet,
We fly them through the rain and snow and through the fucking
slee
And though we think-we're flying south,
We're flying fucking north,
And we make a*fucking landing on the firth of fucking forth*
CHORUS *
We fly our fucking phantoms down at fifty fucking feet.
We fly those fucking phantoms, through the bamboo, trees and wheat
PirBt we1 re flying fucking up and then v^efre flying fucking down,
■
And you111 be the first to know it when you hit the fucking ground,
CHORUS:
First lady forward and the second lady back,
Third lady's finger up the fourth lady's crack,
All gather 'round to the center of the room,
Will the lady who just farted kindly leave the fucking room*
CHORUS
BALLS OP O'LKARY
The ba11s of 0•1e ary
A re wr ink Ie d and ha i ?y9
'i'hov'r^ r>hao<?]y ar.d •-; ta C3 [y
lake the dorfl* of Ctfc Paul >.
one wofien -j i i r, u ' t >r
Jo vU;v/ ;,, \ - rm1 o j, ; tr *,
It z<\ t\ b'n.r' v • . . -? r
BIG FUCKIN* WHEEL
An old pilot told me before he died,
And I don't believe that old bastard lied,
He had a girl with a cunt so wide,
That she could not be satisfied,
So he built himself a big fuckin1 wheel,-
And on it he mounted a big prick of steel,
Two.balls of brass he filled with cream,
And the whole damn thing was run by steamJ
And around and around went the big fuckin1 wheel
And in and out went that big prick of steel
And in and out until she cried
"Enough, enough I'm satisfied,"
So he mounted that bitch on his big fuckin* -wheel,
She smiled'when she saw that big prick of steel.
She fucked it and bucked it until she cried *
"Enough, enough ifm satisfied."
But therewas just one thing wrong with it,
There was no way of stopping it!
It split her cunt from her ass to her tits,
And the whole damn place was covered in shit I
And around and around went the big fuckin1 wheel
And'in and out went that big prick of steel
And in and' out until she criedi
"Enough, enough" and then she died!
I LOVE MY WIFE
I love my wife, yes I do, yer> I do
I love her truly
. i love the whole that sha pluses through,
I love her ruby red .Lips
Her Lilly white tit3
And her Little or own :.i3i>hole
I'd oat her oh It, yoohu^ ^ocbl*;-, cho.no, chornp
li i th a civs t y ; noon I
THROW A NICKLE ON THE GRASS
it was midnight in Thailand
All the crew members were in bed
When up stepped Colonel _______
And 'this is what he said
11 Phantoms , gentle phantoms, Phantoms one and all'*
Pilots gentle pilots, and all the pilots shouted ".Balls!"
When up stepped a young lieutenant
With a voice as harsh as brass
"You can take those fuckin1 Phantom Jets and shove them up your <
CHORUS; Halleujah, Oh halleujah, throw a nickle on the grass
Save a fighter pilot's ass,
Halleujah, Oh halleujah, throw a nickle on the grass
And you Ml be saved,
Cruising down the valley, doing six and twenty per
There came a call from the major, "Oh, won't you help me sir
1 *ve got three big flak holes in my wings, my tanks ain't got no
g
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, I've got six Migs on my ass!
CHORUS:
I shot my traffic pattern, to me it looked alright
The airspeed read one-fifty* my God i racked it tight
The airframe gave a shudder, the engines gave a wheeze
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, spin instructions please.!
CHORUSi
Shot my orosswind pattern, toe left wing r/L t trie around
There came a call from mobile, pull up and go around
1 racked that Phantom in the air a cK>/,on feet or more
One engine quit, I a Lmost shit, tn- >var ecune through the
floor!
CHORUS*
Split S on my borne pass, f got t:oo ruc,*-l;!f low
I pressed th<> bloody bucton, fet Shor:/ ::ar, \os »;o
1 sucked the ;i;ick G</,/n "iy v.jc:-', [ n':i j • i g<j ^^^*l
.-real l
A'^'V [ 'Vunb, • \: ,,:-.< .:';:.r t<~ v<: >n b; : .v ." '.' -ill
done mis fail!
SbvRcoi
bnoy --,n^ .e u;: o ' ;% b. # c, a *r- *i . b? b. r. •< <-,•;•'-
i<: k vb:*1
b/ the : i -:e ! ; , , . . * . / *.,...* ^r » -y ! - ; . > ■*: jV
»'./ * : ' • : '■ i -* ' , i , ^ , ; :i : , ', " v ).. . o ',*) ; «-
«*r fly
b.obj,S
1 punched out of that Phantom, my landing was top line
With my E&E equipment, 1 headed on a Southwest line
When I opened up my seat kit, to see what was In it
The fuckin* quartermaster had filled it full of shit!
CHORUSi
Now in this Commie prison camp, I am obliged to sit
For one cannot go too far on a seat kit full otf shit
If I am ever again free, I will no longer fly
But, I111 have that quartermaster *s ass for breakfast til I die!
THE TWELVE-DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A hand job in a pear tree,
On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two brass balls and a hand job in a pear tree,
3rd day—-Three French ticklers
4th day~--Four cocksuckers
5th day—-Five mother fuckers
6th day-—Six sacks of shit
?th day-—Seven scrotums swinging
8th day---Sight assholes aching
9 th day~--Nin*.* nynhos sn 1 ho 1 * tip;
10th day—-fen tS ts a-tin^ling
11th day—-Eleven lesbians licking
12th day-—Twelve twats a- tw itching
SIX POUNDS OF POO-inM
!ix sound;- .)«' .o-elos hi ,i. h*v: •* ,s~u ^.-^
An j\ } iv es ooaVvii hi ^ tI-k~, - :f oee^
A i.vaf; trv->> i;^i;xv,*s like s "Ou;?1-* *\r
These So 3 J i Si -S; *-s "-;.ni\S „. m5 yo,,
a dirty /«lv~; . ts h u • •» ; do. .. - •« : *v > -
A I'.h; ji w .. * i«i C' . » > i I r i * .jS ' «-; * j i t
I ICV i «fiV r'0O^ ) i"< )^S I ^-'S~ , Sp ~ J.l C
Th iSo I'doI Is i ;r ' " ,s ^^hse - } oi -"on*
FIGHTER PILOTS EAT PUSSY ■
I once knew a in an from Nantuckett,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chini
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!"
CHORUSi AYE, aye, aye, aye
Fighter pilots eat pussy,
So"let * s have another verse ,
That's worse than the other verse,
And waltz me around "by my willie.
A plumber named Magee
Was plumbing his girl by the sea,
. When all of a sudden
She said* "Quick, someoneNs comin"
Tee hee said Magee it's me I
CHORUSi
There once was a pirate named Bates,
Who fandangled on roller skates,
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And now he is useless on dates!
CHORUS %
1 once knew a hermit named Dive,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave,
He had to admit
That it stunk Like shit
But think of the money he ,-iaved!
CHORUSi
I once knew a young irirl from Pi^°!-t
Who had tifcfj of two dliYerent s'^es,
T he on <? w r< -j y q s ,r j 111
And [Ui > ol*r:vr *;o Yr"\- ] M *vqp r riv^";!
CHORUSi
7ihO V/ 113 ,- { f )S '.-. .,i "t ;< • i a f,**:;j.
!i he ou ';c *„.n?s v: *i - ; :<r i* I •
Six bal 1 •■ ;cvi ,< j ■/ p Y ;*,:-•: ^;!
CHORUS,
There once was a girl from Bermuda,
Who- thought that no one was shrewder, ■
She thought it was shrewd .
To neck in the nude
But Magruder'was shrewder, he"screwed her!
CHORUSi
I once knew a young girl named Alice,
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus,
They found her vagina
In North Ca.ro.lina
And her tits hanging somewhere in Dallas!
CHORUSi
I once knew a lady from Wheeling,
Endowed with a delicate feeling*
She layed' on her back
And tickled her crack
.
And pissed all over the ceiling!
CHORUSi
There once' was a man from Berlin,
Who's dick was as thin as' a pin,
She said with a grin
As he stuck it in
It sure ainft much of a sin!
CHORUS:
1 once knew a young girl from Rheinis,
Who was heavenly plagued with wet dreams,
She collected a dozen
Sent them to her cousin
Who ate them 'taut thought they were creams!
CHORUS?
Tnere once was a nan l>o'*Ti P*--ru,
u hu i o 11 a b I e e p •■ n a c an o e „
:i a I L e d r e a i n i n^ o f / e n u s
Ariel c 1 u toh Lrvz aIa pe n i :> f
re ivveke v/i Sn a handful .:■:* "io ;!
Choai/i*
There once was a f^rtf-vc n^med /rltz,
'.V n o oi aat e d an ac r o '> t t Its,
They came up In tn-v ial,
? ink a I pp 1 e s * x n ni
And he literally oK-^<i c;, ^m *, ) hit^'J
CHORUSj
'I once knew a young girl,from France,
■ Who jumped on a train 'by chance,
The engineer fucked her
And fso the .conductor
And the brakeman licked the stains off her pants!
CHORUSi
There once was a roan from Algiers,
Who screwed his wife under the piers,
A big fish came along
And bit off his dong
So he ordered a new one from Sears!
CHORUSi
There once was a man from Boston,
Who bought himself a little red'Austin,
There was room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost them!
CHORUSi
There once was a young girl from Norway,
Who stood on her head in the doorway.
She said with a grin
To her young boyfriend
111 think I've discovered one more way!"
CHORUSi
1 once knew a man from Moline,
Who Invented a jack-off machine,.
On the ninety-ninth stroke
The goddamned thing broke '
And it hammered his nuts to cream!
CdUHbij i
l once y./iOv/ i yoanr x-in Ticm Kont,
./ho«e dick .un-^ ao Long ig *\a" ">^nt»
To Gave r.^sei C ic:: xc~ :
_ i e ij t uo k i t «.r ** *) * - c *. j
Ana l;iL:t;ad of o<\ila:; ^e *-c-n~,!
I once knew a man from Bel Aire,
Who screwed his girl on the stair,
The bannister broke
So he shortened his stroke
And he finished it off in mid-air!
CHORUSi
I once knew a girl from Bombay,
Whose cunt was made out of clay,
The heat of his prick
Turned it into a brick
And he filed all his foreskin away!
CHORUSt
1 once knew a man from Fort Worth,
The grossest man on earth.
He ate out his mother
And jacked-off his brother
And' licked up his wife's afterbirth!
JOLLY JOLLY ENGLAND
Oh, i donft want to be a pilot,
I don't want to go to war,
I just want to hang around Piccadilly on the ground,
Livin' off the earnings of me high born lady,
Monday I touched her on the anklet
Tuesday 1 touched her on the knee,
Wednesday what successi 1 lifted up her dress,
Thursday her chemisey 1 did see*
Now, Friday I put my hand on it,
Saturday she gave me balls a tweak, tweak, tweak.
It was Sunday after supper I shoved the old boy up • er
And now she earns me seven arid six a week, Corf Blimey!
I don't want to be a pi lob,
1 donft want bo ?o to war.
i just want to hang around Piccadilly on the ground,
■ Livin* off the earnings of mo hl-jh born "l^dy,
I <l on * t w an t a b u 11 e fc u p ;n e 3 cs e }; o 1 e ,
I ion1 t yiiiaz die ;)4Ci'50:>; jno»; a^v#
I juisfc v/an 0 f:o ^t^v *> n ^r^L.-;/ *i, in Jo':,i;/f Jolly
England,
And fornicate ^e 'ol^omin* lire -rva^'
H LUPEE,f
.....^
Way down in Cunt Valley
Where the Red River flows,
Where war mongers flourish and cocksuckers grow,
Thatfs where 1 met Lupee the girl I adore, ■
She's a hot fuckin1, cock suckin1» Mexican whore,
CHORUS* Pecker pecker boom, pecker pecker boom,
Pecker pecker boom -- Boom Boom,
The first time I saw her she was a virgin of eight,
Swinging to and fro on the garden gate,
She slipped off the iron latch,
The cross-bar went IN,
And ever since then shefs been living in sin!
CHORUS $
' The next time I saw her was early one fall,
She was waiting on tables at the Cocksucker's Ball,
She'd cost you a quarter,
No less and no more,
She's a hot fuckin1, cock suckin1, Mexican whore,
CHORUSt
She'll' fuck you, she'll rheem you, she'll suck on your nuts,
And if you1re not careful she111 suck out your guts,
She'll wrap her legs * round you,
Til' you think you*11 die,
■ I'd rather eat Lupee than sweet cherry pie!
CHORUSi
Now Lupee-has died and she lies in her tomb,
The worms crawling out of her decomposed womb,
.But the look on her face
Is a look wanting more,
She's a' hot fuckin*, cock suckin1, Mexican whore,-
"> I p ^fr O f>- x ': a .j r . i a, /;, j.; - f
"h, ri p !,L ; i :'ivil J'V I r-i:r$
■ ■ ■
.
Trie as a of i *\ac* r
k ak e s a 4 oncl«- rx u 1 * •. \c 1:,
'vnen you rip f;h^ ; 3;ita?r3 iway!
AIR FORCE LAMENT
(Tunet Battle Hymn of the Republic)
Mine eyes have seen the days of men who ruled the fighting sky
With hearts that laughed at death and lived for nothing but to fl
But now these hearts are grounded and those days are long gone by
The Air Force has gone to HELL!
CHORUS? Fucking Flying Regulations
Have them read at every station
Crucify the man who breaks them,
The Air Force has gone to HELL!
My bones have felt their pounding thump a hundred thousand
strong, ■
■ A mighty airborne legion sent to right the deadly wrong.
But now itss only memory, It only lives in song.
The Air Force has gone to HELL!
CHORUSi
I have seen them in their phantoms when their eyes were dancing
fl
I#ve seen their screaming high speed dives that blasted Hanoi's
nai
Now they1 re told: to fly like sissies and they hang their heads in
The Air Force is shot to HELL!
shame,
CHORUSr
They flew their rugged phantoms through a living hell of flak,
And bloody dying pilots gave their lives to bring them back,
But now they all play ping pong in the Operations Shack,
The Air Force is shot to HELL!
CHORUSi
Hap Arnold built a fighting team that sang the fighting song,
About the wild blue yonder in the days when men were strong,
But now we1 re'-closely supervised for fear we may do wrong
The Air Force is shot to HELL!
CHORUSi
We were cocky* bo 1:1 =»nd happy \y~hen w- olay^d the
angel's game,
</9 split trio oln'i /»v;ri bussing \nd v/e rolled our way to
fame,
-<ut now chat;13 ;;«L1 '"LbbO^bK . nb we% re .\'l so fuckin*
fcafli3f
Our ::pLric,o shoe to b!iLL!
CHORUSi
^j'iv *:Ho Lor^i. / ^o„\.>; rorcr-r^ vri c \^ 1 ibo-rc, core f
too,
Oner.* .'rote ™v-o Jo-;r 2: nt--.c7i*ry .vith ccntciiio in !cre
olue,
but now the ^"o 2 3 *v^e r».:fcy «nu )nr planes .n^-> wo t v/itn
«iyw#
The Air borc^ :,3 .lot 'z > bill?
CHORUSi
One day I buzzed an airfield with another reckless chap,
We flew a hot formation with his wingtip in my lap,
But there's a new directive and we'll have no more of that,
Or .you will burn In HELL!
CHORUS:
Mine eyes, ge.t dim with tears when I recall the days of old,
When pilots took their choice of being old or "young and bold."
Alas, I have no choice and I will live to be quite old,
The Air Force Is shot to HELL!
CHORUSi
GIB OP THE SKY
Back seat for sale or rent
Radar set fifty cents
He's got no landings yet
Mo takeoff will he get.
Four hours on the boom in a
Cockpit with no damn room He#s a
Man who flys but donft fly
GIB of the sky.
He knows every Instrument every dial
He gets occasional stick time once in a while'
And every week when the weather Is clear
The A./C may let him lower the gear,
He rides in the rumble sa.it
And thinks Its quite a treat
His A/C will take care
tfhile he rides through the air
He takes uu extra room He rides
Th r o u %h t r, ?. .-«on i c h - j em H v * * **
ma who file? !-ut <ioPs i :*lv
7xll: Of ti'K: rjV'/,
Old ^oLier n ccin %* ; ^ : to --. * •* »;,;j,'i;.i
To -;oi; ri^r iM eo ' ?. ! o. -,
*.ug .v\?n i;ie 00:3 ; *v r 1 .
;!d /uver ''fc ,.i - ;-
And fe^nd n? <* *d 1 i: ^';e ij )\ ■; *> v if
THE WILD WEST SHOW
CHORUSx Oh, we*re off to see the Wild West Show,
The elephants and the kangaroo~oo-ooes
Mo matter what the weather, as long as we're together
We1 re off to see the Wild West Show,,,
Ah yes, ladies and gentlemen, in this corner of the Wild West
Show we have one of the most amazing, most incredible, most
fantastic animals ever to be seen by the eyes of mortal man,
Yes, in this corner of the Wild West show we have the amazing
porcupine! (reaction) Whatfs a porcupine?....Well, a porcupine
is the only animal in the Wild West show that has a thousand
pricks! (No, Lady, he isn't for sale1?)..... (CHORUS)
,,..,The Barn-rat-tat-tat bird .has 4* legs and a 12f* scrotum
And when he lands' on a corrugated roof he goes,
"Bam-rat-tat-tat, ■
Barn-rat-tat-^tat. .. . .CHORUS
.•...Lulu the Tattooed Lady has Merry Christmas tattooed up one
thigh and "Happy New Year" on the other thigh and her favorite-
expression is "Why don't come up and see me between holidays I"....
.
CHORUS
.....Lulu the Tattooed Lady's Seester has a "W" tattooed, on
each buttock and when she does flips it spells MWowf Mom, Wow J". .
».
CHORUS
■ .....the Gee-rafe is a great giant animal with 12' legs and
■ when he walks into a bar he says, ,fThe highballs are on
me!".,...
CHORUS
.....THE O-rang-a-tang is a huge hairy ape with one great "ball
. of brass and one great ball of steel and when he swings'
through
the trees he goes, "O-rang-a-tang, O-rang-a-tang!M.....CHORUS
..... the 00-AH bird, there are only two OO-AH birds in
existance,
one lives at the Worth Pole and one lives at the South Pole and
once a year they meet together at the equator and all you can
hear is", "OOOO-AHHH, OOOO-AHHH. f " . . . . .Chorus
.....the r'uh -oah-wes Tribe is a band of pygmies four feet high
that livo in ^rass six feet M^n and when th^y ^alk through the
grass t;l)ijy sav, "V/hero cbe fuh-cah-weo, .vhere the
fuh-cah-wee!M...,
CHORUS
. , . , . the Patvzt Mr J ie ,~i racr.^r oi.iall oird c:* it aaj
one wing
clx Inc/ioa Loog i;d *;hi other -<is\s zivcc^ ir.c»\*2o Long and
wnen
he filas, ne bllos 4n circles of r/er d?creaj!i; radii until
he flies uo his ovvn asshole wicn a "^HTTVT!".,...CHORUS
••••«THE pervertible convertible is the only car in the.world
that seats two in the front seat and 69 in the back seat!*•♦,CHOR
.♦•..the OUCH Bird is a huge giant bird with a twelve foot wing
spanf five foot legs and a six foot dick and every time he tries
to land he goesf f,OUCHt OUCH, OUCH!M. . . /.CHORUS
.....The Bengal Tiger is a 500 pound pussy that'll eat you!.....
CHORUS
SEXUAL LIFE OF A CAMEL
Oh, the sexual life of a camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks
For in moments of amerous passion
He tries to make love to the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior orificef
Is clogged with the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile,
THE MOUSE
. The liquor was spilled on the barroom floor,
And.the bar was closed for the night,
When- out of a hole came a little brown mouse
And sat in the pale moonlight,
He lapped up the liquor on the barroom floor
And back on -his haunches he sat
And all night long you could hear him roar,
"BRING ON THAT GOD DAMNED CAT!I 1111II I"
OUR BABY
0 ur b a by ' * 1 a 6 Li \< t ,-*1 /\ a % y
She died to ouita aiJ
Of spinal jieniri^ltis^
■ -
She was it bad hVc;/ myway
aid bo rJd ate h^r,
ROLL YOUR LEG OVER
I wish all young girls were like statues of Venus,
And I were a man with a petrified penis*
CHORUS? Oh, roll your leg over,
Oh, roll your leg over,
- Oh, roll your leg over,
It's "better that way!
I wish all young girls were like diamonds and rubies,
And I were a jeweler I'd suck on their boobies.
CHORUSi
I wish all young girls were like holes in a road,
And I were a dump truck I'd dump in my load.
CHORUSi
1 wish all young girls were like pies on a shelf,
And 1 were a. baker lfd eat them myself,
CHORUSi
1 wish all young girls were like little red foxes,
And .1 were a fox i would tickle their boxes,
CHORUSi
■ I. wish all young girls were like trees in a forest,
And I were a woodsman ifd split their clitoris*
.■■ CHORUS i
I wish all young girls were like waves in the ocean,
And 1 were a ship I would show them the. motion,
■ CHORUSi ■
1 wish all young r^Irls //ere like b-its in i steeple,
And I ware a bat there Jd be i.icre bats vhan people,
CHORUS
FIREMAN
Oh, for che life of a fireman,
To 3 it on a £it3 ^rflne red,
• To say to a tea-n of ^ai^e hordes
.■ ■
n-o ah sad, '}.*> ah9ad Go ahead.
M7 filter */s « f<*<WM - be ^fs o*i ("*t.
