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HARLEQViN
SONG BOOK
CAMPBELLTOWN HARLEQUIN RUGBY CLUB
NEW ZEALAND TOUR 1976
THi msusssnssi. rugby club songbook.
" INDEX,
. . , Page.
Advance Australia Pair, 3.
Blowin • in the Wind. 7.
Botany Bayt 3.
Gltck go the Shears, 6*
Drovers Dream, The. 5.
Dying StoctanaLn, The 2.
Harlequin Song, The 1.
Limejuice Tub, The 2,
Bow is the hour. 4.
Ov^rlander; The 6.
Stouthearted Men* 5.
Tavern In the Town, There is a. 8.
Waltzing Matilda. 5.
Wild Colonial Boy, The 1.
Whiffenpoof Song. . .4.
■. ******* .••'.-.■
-1-
THE HARLEQUIN SONG.
Hail the men of the mighty Harlequins,
Men of the Mighty Harlequins,
Wherever you go, people will know,
Of the glorious deeds of the men of the mighty Harlequins.
You may have good luck and survive the first ruck/
But don't think that's the end of your pain,
At the end of the game you'll find it*s the same,
And the Quins will have won once again.
THE WILD COLONIAL BOY.
fTis of a wild Colonial boy, Jack Dowling was his name,
Of poor but honest parents, he was born in- Castlemaine.
He was his father's only hope, his mother's only joy,
And dearly did his parents love the wild Colonial Boy.
(He was)Scarcely sixteen years of age when he left his father's
home,
And thru Australia's sunny clime a bush ranger did roam.
He robbed those wealthy squatters, their stock he did destroy,
And a terror to Australia was the wild Colonial Boy.
(In)sixty-one this daring youth commenced his wild career,
With a heart that knew no danger, no foe man did he fear,
He stuck the Beechworth mail coach up and robbed Judge Macaboy,
Who trembled and gave up his gold to the wild Colonial Boy.
(He)Bade the judge "Good morning" and told him to beware,
That he'd never r^b a hearty chap that acted on the square,
And never to rob a mother of her son and only joy,
Or else you may turn outlaw like the wild Colonial Boy.
(One) day as he was riding the mountain side along,
A listening to the little birds, their pleasant laughing song,
Three mounted troopers rode along, Kelly, Davis & Fitzroy,
They though that they would captuiehim the wild Colonial Boy.
"Sur)render now Jack Dowling you see there's three to one,
Surrender in the Queen's name, you daring highway man".
Jack drew a pistol from his belt, and waved the little toy
"I'll fight but not surrender "cried the wild Colonial Boy.
(He) fired at Trooper Kelly, ,and brought him to the ground.
And in return from Davis received a mortal wound,
All shattered thru the jaws he lay, still firing at Fitzroy,
And that»s the way they captured him, the wild Colonial Boy.
REFRAIN: So come along my hearties, we'll roam the mountains high,
Together will will plunder, together we will die,
We'll wander over valleys and gallop over plains,
And we'll scorn to live in slavery, bound down with
iron chains.
*********************
-2-
THS DYING STOCKMAN.
A strapping young stockman lay dying/
His saddle supporting Ms head,
His two mates around him were crying/
As he rose on his pillow and said,
"Wrap me up with my stock whip and blanket, (Refrain)
And bury me dssp down below.
Where the dingoes and crows can't molest me> ,
In the shade where the coolibahs grow."
(Oh) had I the flight of the bronzewing,
Far over the plains would I fly.
Straight to the land of my childhood,
And there I would lay down and die.
(Then) cut down a couple of sapplings,
Place one at, my head and my toe,
Carve oh them, cross stock whip and saddle,
T"-> show there's a stockman below.
(Hark) there is the wail of a dingo,
Watchful and weird I must go,
For it tolls the death knell of the stockman,
From the gloom of the scrub down below.
(There's) tea in the battered old billy,
Place the pannikins out in a row,
And we'll drink to the next merry meeting,
In the place where all good felbws go,
(And) oft in the shades of the twilight,
When the soft winds are whimpering low,
And the darkening shadows are falling,
Sometimes think of the stockman below.
***************
TITS LIMBJUICE TUB.
When shearing comes, lay down your drums,
And step to the board you brand new chums,
With a rah-dum, rah-dum, rub-a-dub-dub,
We'll send you back to the lime -juice tub.
When shearing comes, lay down;your drums,
And step to the board, you brand-new-chums.
With a rah-dum, rah-dum, rub-a-dub-dub,
We'll send you back to the limejuice tub.
The brand new chums and cockies's sons
All fancy that they are great guns,
^ wool,
But the beggars can only tear and pull.
They tar the sheep till they're nearly black,
Roll up, roll up, and get the sackj
Then press the woll without any bales;
Oh, shearing's hell in New South Wales.
You cockatoos, you never need fret.'
To show you up I'll/fofget
For I'm the man that's ready to bet,
Youre over your heels, head first in debt.
-3-
The Lime juice Tub(contd)
Although you live beyond your means,
Your daughter wear no crinolines,
Nor are they troubled with boots or shoes,
For the're wild in the bush with the kangaroos.
At h^me, at home I'd like to be,
Not humping my drum in the back countree?
Sixteen thousand miles I've come
To march along with my blanket drum,
•**************
BOTANY BAY.
Farewell to Old England forever,
Farewell to my old pals as well,
Farewell to the wellknown Old Bailey,
Where I once used to look such a swell.
REFRAIN; Singing tooral, liooral, liaddity,
Singing tooral, liooral, liay,
Singing tooral, liooral, liaddity,
For we're bound for Botany Bay.
(There) is the captain as is our commander,
There's that bosun and all the ship's crew,
There's the first and the second class passengers,
Knows what we poor convicts go through.
('Taint) leaving Old England we cares about,
'Taint 'cos we misspells wot we knows,
But becos all we light fingerfd gentry,
Hops around with a long on our toes.
(Oh) had I the wings of a turtle dove,
I'd soar on my pinions so high,
Slap bang to the arms of my Polly love,
And in her sweet presence I'd die.
(Now) all my young Dookies and Duchesses,
Take warning from what I've to say,
Mind all is your own as you touches-es,
Or you'll find us in Botany Bay.
******************
ADVANCE
AUSTRALIA FAIR.
Australia's sons, let us rejoice, i
For we are young and free,
We've golden soil and wealth for tr*il,
Our home is girt by sea,
Our land abounds in nature's gifts of beauty rich and rare,
In hist'ry's page let every stage. Advance Australia Fair
When gallant Cook from Albion sail'd,
To trace wide oceans o'er,
True British courage bore him on,
Till he landed on our shore,
Then here he raised Old England's Flag,
The standard of the brave;
"With all her faults we love her still"
Britannia rules the wave."
In joyful strains then let us sing,
Advance Australia Fair.
-4-
Advance Australia Fair(contd)
Beneath our radiant Southern Cross,
We'll toil with hearts and hands,
To make our youthful Commonwealth,
Renowned of all the lands,
F^r loyal sons beyond the seas,
We've boundless plains to nhare,
With eour&ge l«fe us all combine,
To Advance Australia Fair,
In joyful strains then let us sing,
Advance Australia Fair-
*************
NOW rIS THE HOUR,
Now is the hour when we must say goodbye,
Soon you'll be sailing far across the sea,
While your're away, 0 then remember me,
When you return you'll find me waiting here,
Te i wite I wie te i wie,
Ta hu ri mai ra Te nga lea u e,
Ki nga kupu, 0 terongo pai,
Hei o ranga 0 te i wi e*
Haere ra,
Te manu tangi pal;
E haere ana,
Koe Tci pamaraao,
Haere ra,
Ka hoki mai ana,
Kite tau,
^tangi atu nei.
*****************
THE WHIFF^NPOOF SONG,
To the tables down at Mory's,
To the place where Louis dwells,
To deal old Temple Bar, we love so well,
Sing the Whiffenpoofs, assembled with their galsses raised,
And the majic of their singing casts its spell,
Yes, the magic of their singing of the songs we love so well,
"Shall I Wasting" and Mavoumeen" and the rest,
We will serenade our Louis while life and voice shall last,
Then we'll pass and be forgotten with the rest
REFRAIN;
We're poor little lambs who have lost our way,
Baa, Baa, Baa,
We're little black sheep who have gone astray,
Baa, Baa, Baa.
Gentlemen songsters off on a spree,
Doomed from here to eternity,
Lord have mercy on such as we,
Baa, Baa, Baa,
*****************
• 5-
STOUTHEARTED MEN.
Give me some men who are stouthearted men,
Who will fight for the right theyuadore,
Start me with ten, who are stouthearted ment and I111 soon
give you ten thousand more,
Oh, shoulder to shoulder and bolder and bolder they grow,
as they go to the fore.
Then there's nothing in the world can halt or mar a plan.
When stouthearted men can stick together man to man.
**************
THE DROVER'S DREAM.
Now one night when travelling sheep,
My ; companion fast asleep,
No stars, no moon did gloom the Southern sky.
Now the night was very close,'
So I think I must have dozed,
For a very strange procession passed me by.
First there came a kangaroo,
With a roll of blankets blue,
Accompanied by a dingo for a mat (oh for a mate.')
They were travelling very fast,
So they said good night and passed,
We must be jogging a long it's getting late.
Now the parrots green & blue,
Whistled too-roo-loo-roo-loo,
Three native bears came down & formed a ring,
(And formed a ringJ)
The emu standing near,
With his claw up to his ear,
Amused the audience with a highland fling;
The goanna and the snake,
And the adder wide awake,
Shut up the old log cabin in the dell,
(Oh in the dell J)
And the dear old bandicoot,
Played a tune upon his flute,
Faith, I never heard it played before so well!
Now the pelican and the crane,
They flew in from the plain,
Their music and their trickswere -itpiite a treat,
(Oh, quite a treat.1)
I woke up with a start,
When from underneath the cart,
Old Rexy yelled out."Jock, where are the sheep?1'
***************
WALTZING MATILDA.
Once a jolly swagraan camp'd down by a billabong,
under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled,
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me,
Waltzing Matilda Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me,
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled,
You' 11 come a waltzing Matilda with me.
Down camea jumbuck to drink at that billabong,
Up jumped the swagraan and grabbed him with glee,
WALTZING MATILDA (contd)
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me.
Waltzing Matilda, -Waltzing Matilda,
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me,
And lie sang as he shaved that jumbuck in'his tucker bag,
You'll dome a wStzing matilda with me.
Up rode the squatter mounted on his thoroughbred,
Down came the troopers one, two, three,
Whose that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag,
You'11 come a waltzing Matilda with me.
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda,
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with,
Whose "that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag,
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me.
Up jumped the swagman sprang into the billabong,
You'll never catch me alive said he,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong,
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me,
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda,
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong,
Y^u' 11 come a watt zing Matilda with me.
**************
THE 0VERLAND3R.
There's a trade you all know well, it's bringing cattle over,
On every track, to the Gulf and back, men know the Queensland drover
CHORUS:
Pass the billy 'round, ray boys, don't let the pint pot stand there,
For tonight we drink the health of every overlander*
I come from the northern plains where the girls & grass
are scanty,
Where the creeks run dry or ten foot high and it's either
drought or plenty.
CHORUS.
There are men from every land,
From Spain and France and Flanders,
Thev're Queensland overlanders.
CHORUS.
When we've earned a spree in town,
We live like pigs in clover r
And the whole damn cheque pours d^wi the neck,
Of many a Queensland drover.
CHORUS,
As I pass along the roads,
The chldren raise my dander,
'Sfrnuti-ng1* Mother, dear, take in the clothes"■.'
Here comes an over lander11
CHORUS.
But I'm bound for home once more, '
On a prod that's quite a goer?
I can find a job with a crawling mob, -
On the banks of the Maranoa.
CHORUS. ***************
C&ICK GO THE SHEARS.
Out On the b^ai'd the old shearer stands:,
Grasping his shears in his thin bony hands,
-7-
CLICK QQ ffiS SHgARSCeantd)
Fixed in his gaze on a blue bellied Joe,
Glory if he gets her, won't he make the ringer go.
REFRAIN:
Click go the shears, boys, click, click click,
Wide is his blow and his hands move quick.
The ringer looks around and is beaten by a blow,
And curses the old snagger with the blue bellied Joe.
In the middle of the floor, in his can bottomed chair,
Is the boss of the board, with eyes everywhere,
Notes well each fleece as it comes to the screen,
Paying strict attention of it's taken off clean.
The Colonial experience man her is there of course,
With his shiny leggin's just off his horse,
Casting round his eyes like a real connoisseur,
Whistling the old time tune^'I'm the perfect Lure11.
The tar boy is there and a waiting in demand,
With his blacken'd tar pot and his tarry hand.
Sees one old sheep with a cut up on his back,
Here's what he is waiting for, "Tar here, Jack.' "
Shearing is all over and we've all got our cheques,
Roll up your swag we're all
off on the tracks.
The first pub we come to it11 there we'll have a spree,
And everyone that comes along it's "Come and drink with mejn
Down by the bar the old shearer stands,
Grasping his glass in his thin bony hands,
Fixed in his gaze on a green painted keg,
Glory he'll get down on it ere he stirs a peg.
Thare we leave him standing shouting for all hands,
Whilst all around him, eve'ry shooter stands,
His eyes are on the cask, which now is lowring fast,
He works hard, he drinks hard and goes to hell at last,
****************
BLOWING IN THE WIND.
How many roads must a man walk down,
Before you call him a man,
Yes, lni how many seas _ must a white dove sail,
Before she sleeps in the sand,
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly,
Before they're forever banned,
The answer my friend is Blowing in the Wind,
The answer is blowing in the wind.
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes 'n' how many ears must one man have,
Before he-can hear people cry?
Yes'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows,
That too many people have died?
TJhe answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin1 in the wind.
How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
BLOWING IN THE WIND|>contd)
Yes 'n1 how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer my friend is blowin' £n the wind,
The answer is blowin1 in the vind.
**************
THER^ IS A TAVERN IN THE TOWN..
There As a tavern in the town (in the town)
And there my tru^ love sits him down (sits him down)
And drinks his wine !mid laughter free,
And never, never thinks of me.
Fare thee well, for I must leave th-ee, ' .
Do not let the parting grieve thee,
And remember that the best of friends must part, must part,
Adieu, adieu kind friends adieu(Say adieu)
I can no longer stay with you(Stay with you)
I'll hang my harp on a weeping willow tree,
And may the world go well with thee.
****************
PART
TWO.
INDEX.
. Page
Abdul A Bull Bull "*3mir. 10.
Alcoholics Anthem/ 10.
Barnicle Bill the Sailor. 19.
B e.Kind to your Web-footed Fri ends. 21.
Chastity Belt. 13.
Christopher Colunibo. . 19.
Christopher Robin. :9.
Dinah. .' 1.
13<kirao Nell, 16.
Engineer's Song. 20.
German Officers, The 12.
If I were the marrying kind. 3.
Lobster Song, The 2.
Minstrels sing of a merry Old King. 1.
Mobile. 14
% My God how the money rolls in. 5.
Old King Cole 14.
One night whilst walking thru a wood. 11.
Poor little. Angeline. 2.
Roll me over in the Clover. 5.
Ruptured Duck. 2.
Seven old Ladies. B.
She was poor but honest. 11.
Sweet violets. 6.
The Tinker. 9.
Tulula Johnson-Black/ The Curse of <\
Twelve days of Christmas. 12.
Virgin Sturgeon. 5.
Will you marry me. 6.
*****
-1-
THE MINSTRELS SING OF A BASTARD KING OF MANY LONG YEARS AGO,
The minstrels sing of a bastard King of many long years ago,
Who ruled his land with tan iron hand though his mind was
weak and low,
His only outer garment was a dirty yellow shirt,
With which he tried to hide his hide, but he couldn't
hide the dirt,
CHORUS? He was lousy and dirty and covered with fleas,
The hair on his balls hung down to his knees,
God bless the bastard King of England.
Now the Queen of Spain was an amorous dame,
And a sprightly wench was she,
And longed to play in a sexual way with the King across the sea,
So She sent a secret message with a secret messenger,
To ask the King if he would string alonig to sleep with her,
CHORUS o
Now 01° Philip of France he heard by chance,
Within his royal court
and he swore,HBy God, she loves this slob because I'm
rather short,80 \
So he sent the Duke of Suffering Sap to give to the Queen ",
a dose of clap to pass it on to the bastard King, of England*.
CHORUS. ,„., . "\
When news of the foul deed was heard within fair London1s w4lls,
The King swore by the Royal Whore he'd have the Frenchman1 s (balls,
He offered ^alf the royal purse and a piece of Princess Claire,
To any British subject who'd undo the King of France.
CHORUSo
The Duke of Northumberland saddled his horse, and- galloped "bifcf
to France, k <,,'**
He swore he was a fairy and the King let drop his. pants/ " \
Then in front of a throng he slipped on a thong,
Leaped on his horse and galloped along
dragging the Frenchman back to Merrie England. \
CTjDRUSo
When the King of England saw the sight, he fell in a faint
upon the floor,
For during the ride his rival's pride was stretched a yard or
m|re,
And all the shores in silken drawers came down to London town,
And shouted round the battlements, / y%t
60To hell with rthe British Crown" -*£* ;,;;f
And Philip alone usurped the throne *M$ \
His sceptre was his royal bone with whicll he beat
The Bastard King of England,
CHORUSs He was lousy and dirty and covered with fleas,
the hair on his balls hung down to his knees, ■,
God bless the bastard King of England,
Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Five Chinese firecrackers up your arse-hole,
Bang, bang, bang, bang, b-a-n-g.
**************
DINAH.
A righ girl has a limousine,
A pollr girl has a truck,
But the only time that Dinah rides,
Is when she has a fuck.
CHORUS: Dinah, Dinah, show us your leg,
show ,-us your leg, show us your leg,
Dinah, Dinah, show us your leg,
A yard above your knee.
A rich girl has a brassiere,
A poor girl uses string,
But Dinah uses nothing at all,
She lets the bastards swincf.
CHORUS. ,,_.
DINAH(continued):
A rich firi has a ring of gold,
A poor girl has one of brass,
But the only ring that Dinah has,
Is the one around her arse.
CHORUS.
A rich girl uses Vaseline,
A poor4 girl uses lard,,
But Dinah uses axle grease,
Because her cunt's so hard,
CHORUS,
A rich girl uses a sanitary towel,
A poor girl uses a sheet,
But Dinah uses nothing at all,
Leaves a trail along the street.
**************
THE LOBSTER SONG.
Fisherman, fisherman, home from the sea, have you a lobster
you can sell to me.
CHORUS: Singing Ro-tiddley~oh, shit or bust,
Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust.
Oh, yes, sir, yes, sir, I have two,
And the biggest of the bastards I will sell to you.
CHORUS o
So I took the lobster home and I didn't have a dish,
So I put it in the place where the missus has a piss,
C&ORUS.
In the middle of the night, as you well know,
The missus got up to have a so and so.
CHORUS.
Well, the missus gave a groan and the missus gave a grunt,
And there was the lobster hanging from her cunt.
CHORUS.
So I grabbed a brush and the missus grabbed a broom,
And we hit that bloody lobster all around the room.
CHORUS.
The moral of the story is plain to see,
Always have a shuffty before you have a pee.
***************
LITTLE ANGELINE.
She was sweet sixteen on the village green,
Pure and innocent was Angeline,
A virgin still, never known a thrill,
Poor little Angeline.
Now the local Squire had a low desire,
Filthiest bastard in the whole damn shire,
He had set his heart on the vital part,
Of poor little Angeline.
Came the village fair and the Square was there,
Masturbating in the village square,
When he chanced to see the dainty knee,
Of poor little Angeline.
She had raised her skirt to avoid the dirt,
As she skipped between the puddles of the Squires last squirt,
And his cock grew raw at the sight he saw,
Of poor little Angeline.
So he raised his hat and he said,"Your cat
has been run over and is squashed quite flat,
Now my car's in the Square, and I'll take you there,"
Poor little Angeline,,
How that filthy turd should have got that bird,
.As she climbed right in without a word,
As she drove away you could hear them say,
Poor little Angeline.
~3-
LITTLE MWBLISB(continued) s
They had not gone far when he stopped the car,
And took little Angeline into a bar,
Where he gave her gin just to make her sin,
Poor little Angeline,,
When heBd oiled her well, he took her to a dell,
And there he gave her bloody fucking hell,
And he tried his luck on a low down fuck,
With poor little Angeline.'
With a cry of rape he raised his cape,
Poor little Angeline had no escape,
How itBs time sorae-one came to save the name,
Of poor little Angeline*
How the village blacksmith was brave and bold,
And loved little Angeline for years untold,
And he vowed he'd be true whatever they'd do,
To poor little Angeline.
But say to say, that very same day,
The blacksmith had gone to jail to stay,
For coming in his pants at the local dance,
With poor little Angeline.
How the window of his ;cell overlooked the dell,
Where the Squire took Angie and was giving her hell,
And there upon the grass he recognised the arse,
Of poor little Angeline.
He got such a start he let go a fart,
And blew the whole bloody jail apart,
And he ran like shit, lest the Squire should split,
Poor little Angeline.
When he arrived at the stop he said what is what,
He tied the villains penis in a double reef knot,
As the Squire lay on his gtte, he got kicked in the nuts,
By poor little Angeline.
"Oh blacksmith, blacksmith, I love you true,
And I can tell hy your trousers that you love me true,
Here I am undressed, you can do the rest'1,
Cried poor little Angeline.
How it would be wrong, here to end this song,
For the blacksmith had a penis fully jone foot long,
And his natural charm was as thick as your arm,
LUCKY LITTLE ANGELINE..
***********
Up through the courtyard,
Walked a ruptured duck,
He couldn't fuck,
Hard fucking luck.
***********
IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND.
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I°ra not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby full-back.
And he'd find touch and I'd find touch,
We'd both touch together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Finding touch together,
-4-
IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND (continued)
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a wing three-quarter.
And he'd go hard and I'd go hard,
We'd both go hard together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Going hard together.
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a centre three-quarter.
And He'd pass it out and I'd pass it out,
We'd both pass it out together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Passing it out together.
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby fly-half.
And he'd whip it out and I'd whip it out,
We'd both whip it out together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Whipping it out together.
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby scrum-half.
And He'd put it in and I'd put it in,
We'd both put it in together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Putting it in together.
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord,I'm not, sir,
The kind of vm that I would wed,
Would be a rugby hooker.
And He'd strike hard and I'd strike hard,
We'd both strike hard together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Striking hard together.
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a big prop-forward.
And he'd bind tight and I'd bind tight,
We'd both bind tight together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Binding tight together.
IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND (continued)
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would ,wed,
Would be a rugby referee.
And he would blow and I would blow,
We'd both blow together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Blowing hard together*
ROLL MB OVER IN TH% CU>VER.
This is number one and the fun has just begun,
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again,
Roll me over in the clover,
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.
Oh, this is number two and my hand is on her shoe,
Oh, this is number three and my hand is on her knee,
Oh, this is - number four and we're rolling on the floor,
Oh, this is number five and the bee is in the hive,
Oh, this is number six and she said she liked my tricks,
Oh, this is number seven and we're in our seventh heaven,
Oh, this is number eight and the nurse is at the gate,
Oh, this is number nine and the twins are doing fine,
Oh, this is number ten and we're at it once again,
Oh, this is number eleven and we start again from seven,
Oh, this is number twelve and she said: "Nu kan jag sjalv."
*************
THE VIRGIN STURGEON.
Caviar comes from the virgin sturgeon,
The virgin sturgeon's a very fine fish,
The virgin sturgeon needs no urgin'
That's why cariar is my dish.
CHORUS: My ruddy oath it is,
my ruddy oath it is.
I gave caviar to my girl friend,
She was a virgin tried and true,
Ever since she had that cavair,
There 'ain't nothing she won't do.
I gave cariar to my grandpa,
Grandpa's age is ninety-three,
. A5£lJS^t^txme I saw grandpa,
H^d^hased grandma up a tree.
My father was a lighthouse keeper,
He had caviar for his tea,
He had three children by a mermaid,
Two were kippers, one was me.
I gave caviar to my bow-wow,
All the others looked agog,
He had what those bitches wanted,
Wasn't he a lucky dog?
-6-
THE VIRGIN STURGEON (continued)
Oysters are prolific bivalves,
Rear their young one§ in their shell,
How they piddle is a riddle,
But they do, so what the hell.
The female clam is optimistic,
Shoots her eggs out in the sea,
She hopes her suitor as a shooter,
Hits the self-same spot as she*
******•******
SWEET VIOLETS.
Phyllis Quat she died in the springtime,
She expired in a terrible fit,
We fulfilled her last dying wish, sir,
She was buried in six feet of *******
CHORUS: Sweet violets,
sweeter than all the roses,
Covered all over from head to toe,
Covered all over with sweet violets.
Phyllis Quat kept a sack in the garden,
1 was curious I must admit,
One day I stuck in my finger,
And pulled it out covered in...CHORUS.
Phyllis Quat took a bag to her boy friend's,
But the bag was old and it split,
Now the boy friend and Phyllis have parted, ■
For the bag was packed quite full of.....f(§HORUS.
I sat on a gold lavatory,
In the home of the Baron of Split,
The seat was encrusted with rubies,
But as usual the bowl contained.....CHORUS.
The was a professional farter,
Who could flatulate ballads and airs,
He could poop out the Moonlight Sonata
And accompany musical chairs, singing...CHORUS.
One day he attempted an opera,
It was hard but the fool wouldn't quit,
With his head held aloft,
He suddenly coughed,
And collapsed in a big heap of....CHORUS.
Well, now my song it has ended,
And I have finished my bit,
And if any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a bucket q|*..CHORUS.
****************
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
If I give you half-a-crown,
Can I take your knickers down,
Will you marry, marry, marry marry marry,
Will you marry me?
If you give me half~a-crown,
You can't take my knickers down,
You can't marry, marry marry marry marry,
You canBt marry me.
-7-.
WILL YOU MARRY MB? (continued)
If I give you fish and chips,
Will you let me squeeze your tits,
Will you marry, marry marry marry marry,
Will you marry me?
If you 4give me fish and chips, , &;..
I won't let you .squeeze my tits,
You can8t marry, marry marry marry, marry,
Y^u can't marry me0
If I give you my big chest,
And all the money I posses^,
Will you marry, marry marry marry, marry,
Will you marry me?
If you give me your big chest, ;^y ^
And all the money you possess,
I will marry, marry marry marry, marry,
I will marry you.
Get out of the door, ,*you lousy whore,
My money was all ||pu were looking for,
And Iall not marry, marry marry marry, marry,
I°ll not marry you*
**********
MY GOD HOW THE MOHEY ROLLS IN,
My father makes book on the corner,
My mother makes illicit gin,
My sister sells kisses to sailors,
My G& how the money rolls in0
CHORUS: Rolls in, rolls in, my God
how the money rolls in, rolls in
Rolls in, rolls in, my God
how the money rolls in.
My mother°s a bawdy house keeper,
Every night when the evening grows,dim,
She hangs out a little red lantern,
My God how the money rolls in.
My cousin0s a Harley Street, surgeon,
With instruments long, sharp and thin,
He only does one operation,
My God how the money rolls in#
Uncle Joe is a registered plumber,
His business in holes and in tin,
He011 plug your hole for a tanner,
My God how the money rolls in.
My brother°s a poor missionary,
He saves fallen woman from sin,
He'11 save you a blonde for a guinea,
My God how the money rolls in.
My sister0s a barmaid in Sydney,
For a shilling she011 strip to the skin,
SheBs stripping from morning to midnight,
My God how the money rolls in.
My aunt keeps a girls0 seminary,
Teaching young girls to begin,
She doesn°t say where they finish,
My God how the money rolls in.
-3-
Ifve lost all me cash on the horses,
I'm sick from the illicit ginm
I'M falling in love with my father,
My God what a mess I am in,
*******************
SEVEN OLD LADIES.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory,
They were there from Sunday to Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
They said they were going to
have tea with the Vicar,
They went in together,
they thought it was quicker,
But the lavatory door was a bit of a sticker,
And the Vicar had tea all alone.
The first w&s the wife of a deacon in Dover,
And thought she was known,
as a bit of a rover,
She liked it so much,
she thought she'd stay over,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was old Mrs. Bickle,
She found herself in a desperate pickle,
Shut in a pay booth, she hadn't a nickel,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter,
Who went in to pass some superfluous water,
She pulled the chain,
and the rising tide caught her,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Abigail Humphrey,
Who settled inside to make heimlf comfy,
Aiid then she found out,
She could not get her bum free,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Elizabeth Spender,
Who was doing all right,
till a vagrant suspender
Got all twisted up in her feminine gender,
And nobody knew she was there.
The last was a lady named Jennifer Trim,
She only sat down on a personal whim,
But she somehow got pinched
twixt the cup and the brim,
Aftd nobody "knew she was there.
But another old lady was Mrs. McBligh,
Went in with a bottle to booze on the sly,
She j umped on the seat
and fell in with a cry,
And nobody knew she was there.
*********************
-9-
CHRISTQgHESR ROBIN.
Little bay kneels at the foot ofthe stairs,
Clutched in his hand,
are a bunch of white hairs,
Oh my just fancy that
Christopher Robin castrated the cat.
Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed,
Lily-white hands are caressing his head,
Oh my couldn't be worse,
Christopher Robin is shagging his nurse.
Little boy sits on the lavatory pan,
Gently caressing his little old man,
Flip, flop into the tank,
Christopher Robin is having a wank.
*******************
THE TINKER.
One day a fair young maiden whilst travelling abroad,
Did chance to spy a tinker who was piddling against a wall.
CHORUS :With his bloody great kidney wiper & his balls as big as three,
And a yard and a half of foreskin hanging down below his knee.
Hanging down, Swinging free, Hanging down, Swinging free,
With a yard & a half of foreskin hanging down below his knee.
So she wrote to him a letter,
And in it she did say,
I'd rather be fucked by a tinker,
Than a butcher any day. CHORUS.
The tinker got the letter,
The message he did read,
His prick began to quiver,
And his balls began to bleed..CHORUS.
He mounted on his charger,
And on it he did ride,
With his prick along the saddle,
And his balls on either side. CHORUS.
He rode up to the castle,
He rode up to the wall,
"God save us" cried the butler,
"he's come to fuck us all. w CHORUS.
He rode in through the gateway,
Did the cat upon the stairs,
On- entering the boudoir,
Caught the duchess unawares. CHORUS.
He went down to the kitchen,
And fucked the servants all,
But the way he bummed the butler,
Was the shittiest deed of all. CHORUS.
*****************
-10-
ABDUL A BULL BULL EMIR.
The maidens of Russia were fair to behold,
But the harlots were better by far,
And the best one to mount was owned by a count,
Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.
A travelling brothel came to the town,
1 Twas owned by a Turk from afar,
And oft did he brag, that he could out shag,
Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.
Well fixed was the date for this spectacle great,
A holiday proclaimed by the Czar,
The streets were all lined with harlots assigned
To Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.
They arrived at the track with jbheir tools hanging slack,
The starterfs gun punctured the air,
And adraist cheers and sighs, the prick did arise,
Of Adbul a Bull Bull Emir.
The cunts were all shorn, and no frenchies were worn,
And adbul's arse revved like a car,
But he couldn't compete with the slow steady beat,
Of Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.
Now Ivan had won and was cleaning his gun,).
And bent down to, polish his pair,
When something red hot up his back passage shot,
•Twas Adbul a Bull Bull Emir,
The ladies turned green, and the men shouted MQueeni "
They were ordered apart by the Czar,
But Abdul was stuck (it was bloody bad luck).
Up Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.
Now the cream of this joke when apart they were broke,
Was laughed at for years by the Czar,
For Abdul, poor fool, left three parts of his tool,
Up Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.
*********************
ALCOHOLICS1 ANTHEM.
What' s the use of drinking tea
Indulging in sobriety,
And tee-total per-ver-sity?
It's healthier to booze,
What's the use of milk and water?
These are drinks that never oughter,
Be allowed in any quarter
Come on, lose your blues•
Mix yourself a shandy. ,r
Drown yourself in brandy.
Sherry sweet
Or "whisky neat,
Or any kind of liquor that is handy.
There's no bloody sense in drinking
' Anything that doesn't make you stinking.
There's no happiness like sinking
Blotto to the floor.
-11-
ALCOHOLICS1 ANTHEM (continued)
Put an end to all frustration,
Drinking may be your salvation,
End it all is dissipation,
Rotten to the core.
Aberrations metabolic,
Ceilings that are hyperbolic
These are for the alcoholic
Lying on the floor.
Vodka for the arty,
Gin to make you hearty,
Lemonade was only made
For drinking if your mother's at the party.
Steer clear of home-made beer,
And anything that isn't labelled clear,
There is nothing else to fear...
Bottoms up. .My boys.
**************
THS CURSE OF TULULA JOHNSON-BLACK.
There is a dirty stinking piss house to the north of Waterloo,
And another one for ladies further down,
They are owned by Sally Tucker, for a shilling you can fuck her,
You can sleep with her for only half a crown.
Though she is known as Sally Tucker by those who used
to fucker,
Her real name was Tulula Johnson-Black.
She handled many a tool, since the day that she leftschool,
Yes, she'd made a darn fine living on her back.
One night she had a rattle by a sailor from Seattle,
And she wondered why he held her long and close,
But when he finished screwing, she knew what he was doing,
He'd left her with a cruel and proper dose.
Now she gave it to her brother, who gave it to their mother,
who gave it to Reverend Percy Brown, who gave it to his cousin,
who gave it to a dozen, and now it's half way around the bleeding
town.
Now as it came to pass,
It got to the Seattle sailor's arse,
And travelled half way up his bleeding back,
It rotted and it festered, his very life it pestered,
It was the curse of Tulula Johnson-Black.
**************
ONE NIGHT WHILST WALKING THROUGH A WOOD.
One night whilst walking through a wood,
I shat myself, I knew I would,
I cried for help, but no help came,1
And so I shat myself again.
***************
SHE WAS POOR BUT SHE WAS HONEST.
She was poor but she was honest,
Victim of a rich man's whim,
First he fucked her, then he left her,
And she had a child by him.
CHORUS; It's the same the whole world over,
It's the poor wot gds the blame,
It's the rich wot gets all the pleasure/
Ain't it all a bleeding shame.
See him with his hounds and horses,
See him strutting at his club,
While the victim of his whoring,
Drinks her gin inside the pub.
-12-
gHE WAS POOR BUT SHE WAS HONEST(contd.)
See her on the bridge at midnight,
Thorwing snowballs at the moon,
She said"Jack, I never 'ad it."
But she sooke too fucking soon.
CHORUS.
See her on the bridge at midnight,
Picking blackheads from her crutch,
She said,"Jack, I never 'ad it."
He said," No, not fucking much,11
mmm.
See her on the bridge at midnight,
Spying?11 Wmrmwmll blighted love."
Thin i fiereamj' a splieh, Oh goodness,
What is she a-doing of.?
CHORUS. , .
When they dragged her from the river,
Water from her clothes they wrung,
And they though that she was drownded,
Till her corpse got up and sung:
CHORUS. ■■■*******'*******•***
ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me,
A french letter very filthy.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me,
Two virgin queens.. .And a french letter very filthy.
Three boy scouts...
Four wind mill girls.
Five choir boys...
Six convicted vicars...
Seven sex-starved sisters...
Eight useless eunuchs....
Nine naughty nymphos...
Ten tired trollops...
Eleven lecherous lesbians..
Twelve twitching twots...
****************
THE GERMAN OFFICERS.
Three German officers crossed the line,
Parlez-vous,
Three German officers crossed the line,
Parlez-vous,
Three German officers crossed the line,
They fucked the women and drank the wine,
Inky, pinky, parlez-vous.
They came upon a wayside inn,
Shat on the mat and walked right in.
Oh landlord have you a daughter fair,
Lily-white tits and golden hair?
At last they got her on a bed,
Shagged her till her cheeks were red,
And then they took her to a shed*
Shagged her till she was nearly dead,
They took her down a shady lane,
Shagged her back to life again.
They shagged her up, they shagged her down,
They shagged her right round the town.
They shagged her in, they shagged her out,
They shagged her up her waterspout.
-13-
THB GBRM&N OFFICERS..(contd.)
gmm mnth§ went and all wa§ well,
Bight months went and she started to swell,
Nine months went, she gave a grunt,
And a little white bastard popped out of her cunt.
The little white bugger he grew and grew,
He shagged his mother and sister too.
The little white bugger he went to hell,
He shagged the Devil and his wife as well.
****************
THE CHASTITY BELT.
Oh pray, gentle maiden,
Let me be your lover,
Condemn me no longer,
To mourn and to weep,
Struck down like a hart,
I lie bleeding and panting
Let down your drawbridge,
I'11 enter your keep,
Enter your keep, nonny nonny,
Enter your keep, nonny, nonny,
Let down your drawbridge, I'll enter your keep.
Alas, gentle errant,
I am not a maiden,
I'm married to Sir Oswald,
The cunning old Celt,
He's gone to the wars,
For a twelve month or longer,
And taken the key
To ray chastity belt.
Fear not, gentle maiden,
For I know a locksmith.
To his fjorge we will go,
On his door we will knock,
And try to avail us
Of his specialized knowledge
And see if he1 s able
To unpick your lock.
Alas, sir and madam,
To help I'm unable,
My technical knowledge,
It is of no avail,
I can't find the secret
Of your combination,
The cunning old bastard,
Has fitted a Yale.
I' m back from the wara
With sad news of disaster,
A terrible mishap
I have to confide,
As my ship was a-paaing
The straits of Gibraltar
I carelessly dropped the key,
Over the side.
Alas and alack, I am locked up forever,
Then up stepped the page-boy,
Saying leave this to me.
If you will allow me
To enter your chamber,
X"11 open it up with
My duplicate key..
*******************
-14- • **
MOBILE,
Oh the Bishop 7 is a bugger in Mobile,
Oh the Bishop is a bugger in Mobile,
Oh the Bi'shopis a bugger,
And his brother is another, *
And they whop it up each other in Mobile.
CHORUS: Singing I will if you will so will I.
Singing I will if you will so will I,
Singing I will if you will
I will if you will
Singing I will if you will so will I.
Oh, the girls they wear tin pants in Mobile, etc,
But they take them off to dance,
Everybody gets a chance in Mobile.
CHORUS.
There's a shortage of good whores in Mobile, dc,
But there's keyholes in the doors,
And there's knot holes in the floors in Mobile.
CHORUS.
There1 s a prostitute called Dinah in Mobile,etc,
And you■11..find that when you grind her,
That she's got the best vagina in Mobile
CHORUS.
Oh, the parson is perverted in Mobile, etc,
And his morals are inverted,
But there's thousands he's converted in Mobile
CHORUS.
There's no paper in the bogs in Mobile, etc
So they wait until it cloggs,
Then they saw it off in logs in Mobile.
CHORUS.
Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile, etc
And they shit right in your eye
It's a pity cows don't fly in Mobile.
CHORUS.
Frenchies are in short supply in Mobile, etc
And that's the reason why,
You'll see them hanging out to dry in Mobile.
CHORUS.
There's a poofter boy named Hunt in Mobile, etc
And he thinks he's got a cunt,
But he's only back to front in Mobile.
CHORUS.
There's a lad named Dirty Danny in Mobile, etc
And he likes his bit of fanny,
And he gets it off his granny in Mobile.
CHORUS. ***************
OLD KING COLE.
Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he?
He called for his wife in the middle of the night,
And he called for bis fiddlers three* .
Naw every fiddler had a fine fiddle,
And a verv fine fiddle had he,
Oh, fiddle like hell, like hell, said the fiddler
Mighty men are we,
There's none so fair as can compare with the boys of Harlequins
. .And he called £or his drummers three.
Now every drioittfier had a fine drum,
And a very fin& drum had he,
Oh, thump it right up to the stump said the drummer,
Oh, fiddle like hell, like hell said the fiddler,
Mighty men are we......
-15-.
OLD KING COLS. . (cantd. )
..And he called for his flautists three,
Now every flautist had a fine flute,
And a vary fin& £lute had he,
Oh, root tiddly oot tiddly oot said the flautists,
Oh, thump it right up to the stump said the drummer,
Oh fiddle like hell, like hell said the fiddler,
Mighty men are we....
..And he called for his jugglers three.
Now every juggler had a fine ball,
And a very fine ball had he,
Oh, throw your balls in the air, said the juggler.......
..And he called for his coalmen three.
Now every coalman had a fine sack,
And a very fine sack had he,
Want it in the front or the back, said the coalman......
..And he called for his tailors three.
Now every tailor had a fine needle,
And a very fine needle had he,
Thread in in and out, in and out, said the tailor.......
..And he called for his painters three.
Now every painter had a fine brush,
And a very fine brush had he,
Wop it up and down, up and down, said the painter.......
. .And he called for his horsemen three.
Now every horseman had a fine horse,
And a very fine horse had he,
Oh, ride it up and down, up and down, said the horseman..
..And he called for his axemen three,
Now every fcxeman hadaf ine axe,
And a very fine axe had he,
Oh, chop ;it right back to the stump, said the axeman,..
..And he called for his surgeons three.
Now every surgeon had a fine knife,
And a very fine knife had he,
Cut it round the knob and make it throb, said the surgeon*.
. .And he called for his butchers three,
Now every butcher had a fine block,
And a very fine block had he,
Put it on the block and chop it off, said the butcher....
. .And he called for his fishermen three,
Now every fisherman had a fine rod,
And a very fine rod had he,
Mine is six feet long, said the fisherman...............
. .And he called for his hurtsmen three,
Now every huntsman had a fine horn,
And a very fine horn had he,
Up with the horn in the morn, said the huntsmen..........
..And he called for his parsons three,
Now every parson had a fine book,
And a very fine book had he,
-16-
OLD KING COLE(contd)
Goodness gracious me, said the parson,
Up with the bom in the morn,* said the huntsman,
Mine is six feet long/ said the--fisherman*
Put it on the block and chop it off, said the butcher,
Cut it round the knob and make it throb, said the surgeon,
Oh chop it right back to the stump, said the axeman,
Oh ride it up and down, up arid down, said the horseman,
Wop it up and down, up and down, said the painter,
Thread it in and out, in and out, said the tailor,
Want it in the front or the back, said the coalman,
Oh, throw your balls in the air, said the jugglers,
Oh root tiddly oot tiddly oot, said the flautists, ♦
Oh thump it right up to the stump, said the drummer,
Oh fiddle like hell, like hell, said the fiddler,
Mighty men are we,
There* s none so fair as can compare with the boys of the
Harlequin R.F.C.
•************* *
ESKIMO NELL.
Gather round all you whorey,
Gather round & hear this story.
When a man grows old,
and his balls grows cold,
and the tip of his prick turns
blue,
And it bends in the middle,
Like a one-string fiddle,
he can tell you a tale or two.
So pull up a chair, and buy me
a drink,
And a tale I'll tell to you,
Of Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican
Pete, And a Harlot called
Eskimo Nell.
When Dead eye Dick and Mexican
Pete, Go forth in search of
Fun, Its Dead-eye Dick that
slings prick,
And Mexican Pete the gun.
When Dead-eye Dick and Mexican
Pete are sore, depressed & sad,
It's a cunt that bears the brunt,
But the shooting ain't so bad.
Now Dead-eye Dick & Mexican Pete,
Lived down by Dead Man1 s Creek,
And such was their luck they'd
had no fuck,
For neigh on half a week.
Just amoose or two & a caribou,
And a bison cow or so,
And for Dead-eye Dick
with his kingly prick,
Thi s was mighty slow.
So do or dare this horney pair
Set forth for the Rio Grande,
Dead-eye Dick with his mighty
prick,
And Pete with his gua in his hand
And as they blazed their noisy
trail,
No man their path withstood,
And many a bride, her husband's
pride a pregnant widow st<*od.
They reached the strand of the
Rio Grande,
At the height of a blazing noon,
And so slake their thirst &
do their worst,
They sought Black Mike's Saloon.
And as they pushed the great
doors wide,
Both cock and gun flashed free
"According to sex, you bleeding
wrecks, You drink or fuck with
me. "
They'd heard of the prick,
called Dead-eye Dick
From the Maine to Panama,
And with scarcely worse
than a muttered curse,
Those dagos sought the bar.
The girls too knew his playful ways
Down on the Rio Grande,
And forty whores,
Pulled down their drawers,
At Dead-eye Dick's command.
They saw the fingers of Mexician
Pete itch on the trigger grip,
And they didn't wait, at fearful,
rate,
Those whores began to strip.
Now Dead-eye Dick was breathing
quick,
With lecherous snorts & grunts,
So forty cunts were bared to view,
And likewise forty arseholes.
•Now forty cunts & forty arseholes,
If you jcsiti use vour wits,
And if yourslick at arithmetic
-17 w
ESKIMO NELL(canted,)
Makes exactly eighty tits.
Now eighty tits are a gladsome
sight,
It may be rare in Berkely Square,
But not on the Rio Grande.
Now Dead-eye Dick had fucked a few,
;0n the last preceding night,
This he had done just to show
his fun,
And to whet his appetite.
His phallic limb was in fucking
trim,
As he back and took a run,
He made a dart at the nearest tart,
And scored a hole in one.
He bore her to the sandy floor
And there he fucked her fine
And though she grinned,
It put the wind up the other
thirty nine.
When Dead-eye Dick lets loose
his prick,
He not no time to spare,
For speed and length
combined with strength,
He fairly singes hair.
He made a dart at the next spare
tart,
When into that Harlot's Hell,
Strode a gentle maid who was
unafraid,
And her narae it was Eskimo Nell.
By this time Di^k had got his
prick,
Well intoac^
When- Es^iir^'lJ^Jtj^^^^ut a yell,
She bawl||$"#o" hi|l|^^^y youvw
He gave a flick rM^mBs muscular
prick,
And the girl flew over his head,
And he wheeled about with an
angry shout,
His face and cock were red.
She glanced our hero up & down
His looks she seemed to decry,
With utter scorn she glimpsed
the horn,
That ros e from his hairy thigh.
She blew the smoke from her cigarett
Over his steaming knob,
So utterly beat was Mexican Pete,
He failed to do his job.
It was Eskimo Nell who broke the
spell,
In accents clear and cool:
"You cunt struck shrimp of a
Yankee pimp,
You call that thing a tool?"
"If this here town can't take
that down, "
She sneered to thos cowering
whores,
"Therefs one little cunt that can
do the stunt,
It's Eskimo Nell's not yours.11
She stripped her garments one
by one,
With an air of conscious pride
And as she stood ; in her womanhood
They saw the great divide.
She seated herself on a table top
Where someone had left his glass,
With a twitch of her tits,
she crushed it to bits,
Between the cheeks of her arse.
She flexed her knees with supple
ease,
And spread her legs apart,
With a friendly nod to the mangy
sod, She gave the cue to start.
But Dead-eye Dick knew a trick
or two,
He meant to take his time,
And a girl like this was fucking
bliss,
So he played a pantomime.
He flexed his arsehole to & fro
And made his balls inflate,
Until they looked like granite
knobs on top of a garden gate.
He blew his anus inside out,
His balls Increased in size,
Hi s mighty prick grew twicfc,
as thick,
Till it almost reached his eyes.
He polished it up with alchool.
And made it steaming hot,
To finish the job he sprinkled
the knob,
With a keyenne pepperpot.
Then neither did he take a run
Nor did he take a leap,
tJIor did he stoop, but took a swoop
And a steady forward creep.
With piercing eye he took a sight,
Along his mighty tool,
And the steady grin as he pushed
it in,
Was calculatedly cool.
ESKIMO NELL(still contd)
Have you seen the giant pistons*
On the mighty C.P.R.
With the driving force of a
thousand horse,
Well, you know what pistons are.
Or you think you do, But you've
yet to learn, The ins & outs
of the trick,
Of the work that;■ s done on a
non-stop run,
By a guy like Dead-eye Dick.
But Eskimo Nell was no infidel
As good as a whole harem,
With the strength of ten in her
abdomen,
And the rock of ages between.
Amid stops she could take the
stream,
Like the flush of a watercloset,
And she gripped his cock like
a Chatswood lock,
On the National Safe Deposit.
But Dead-eye dick could not
come quick, '
He meant to conserve his powers,
If he'd a mind he'd grind & grind
lor a couple of solid hours.
Nell lay for a while with a
subtle smile
The grip of her cunt grew keener,
With a squeeze of her thigh,
she sucked him dry,
With the ease of a vacuum cleaner.
And so my friends we come to the
end,,
Of copulation's classic,
The effect on Dick was sudden
and quick,
And akin to an anaesthetic.
He fell to the floor & knew no more
His passions extinct .:& dead,
And he did not shout as his tool fell out
Though ''twas stripped
right down to the thread.
Then Mexican Pete lumped to his
':-:' feet,
To avenge his-pal1s affront,
With jarring jhlt of his blue-nosed
:C0lt., ■
He rammed it up heif gapping cunt.
He rammed itup to the trigger grip,
And fired three; time three;,
But to his surprise she closed
her eyes,
And squealed in ecstasy.
She jumped to her feet with a 7
smile so sweet,
"Bully11 she said, "for you. "
"Though I might have guessed
that that was the best that you
two poor fools could do. "
"When next, my friend, that you
intend to sally forth for fun>
Buy Dead-eye Dick a sugar stick
and yourself an elephant gun."
"I'm going back to the frozen north
Where the pricks are hard & strong,
Back to the land of the frozen
stand where the nights are six
months long."
"Its hard as tin when they put it in
In the land were spunk is spunk
Not a trickling stream of lukewarm
cream,
But a so1id frozen chunk."
"Back to the land where they
understand,
What is means to fornicate,
Where even the dead sleep two
in a bed,
And even the babies masturbate.
So Dead-Eye-Dick & Mexico Pete
Slunk out of the Rio Grande,
Dead-eye Dick with his useless
prick,
And Pete with no gun in his hand.
A verse of appreciation:
When a man grows old,
And his balls go cold,
And the end of his prick turns
blue,
And the hole in the middle
Refuses to piddle,
I'd say he was fucked, would,'nt
you.?
********
-19-
,x - J? X
*' BARNICLE BILL THE SAILOR;
CHORUS:
Wha« s that knocking at my door?
Ellin's that knocking at nry.Ao<^r? *-*~^"
Who's that 'mocking at ffry'door?
Who's that cnockirig at tny door?
Cried the ^->..Lr young ma'^#t
It1* - Aly me from *• .. n^e sea'
'ci-^d Barnicle "" ijilor. (Repeat^-
CHORUS.
Open the door, y Id whore,
Said Barnicle Bill tr^:;llor. (Repeat)
'"%u can sleep upon the mat,
You can slef>p . .etc.
Cried the fair young maiden.
Bugger the mat, I can't fuck that,
Said Barnicle Bill the sailor.
You may sleep upon the stairs,
Y^u may sleep,.etc.
Cried the fair y^ung maiden.
i Bugger the stairs, they've got! no hairs,
Said Barnicle Bill the sailor.
You may sleep between my thighs,
You may sleep between etc...
* Cried the fair young maiden.
Bugger your thighs, they give me the rise,
Said Barnicle Bill the sailor.
You may sleep between my tits,
You may sleep...etc.
Cried the fair young maiden.
Bugger your tits they give me the shits,
Said Barnicle Bill the sailor.
What if we should have a child,
What if we should..etc
Cried the fair young maiden.
Smother the bugger and fuck for another,
Said Barnicle Bill the sailor.
**************
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBO.
In fourteen hundered and ninety two,
A sailor down in the Spanish main,
T^ok his cock in hand,
And shouted "Hot Tomali11
CHORUS:
He said the world was round-o
His balls hung to the groundo,
That masturbating, fornicating,
Son-of-a-bitch Columbo.
-20-
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBO(contd)
Along did ome the Queen of Spain,
Her, name ws Isabella,
She §m? £zm * .glanae.-"at the^MffiJu In hit pants > ■
That he was a fine young fellow,
"Oh, Isabella,11 said Columbo,
^tfhilst playing with his balls,
"The world is round as these, ^x„
I feel that duty calls."
CHORUS.
"Just wait a bit, " said Isabella, >:-
11 And don't forget essentials, ^
F^r I've a mind to have a grind,
And check out your credentials." -
She gave her guest not tin^ f^r rest,
The pace was fairly killing,
With legs apart he gave that tart,
An extra special filling.
CHORUS.
'" For forty days and forty nights,
He sailed the broad Atlantic,
Columbo and his scurvy crew,
For want of a screw were frantic.
They spied a whore upon the shore,
And off with coats and collars,
And by the time the sun had set,
She'd made a thousand dollars.
CHORUS.
With lustful shout they ran about,
And practised fornication,
And when they left to sail away,
They'd doubled the r^opulation.
> CHORUS.
And when his men pulled out again,
And reckoned all their score up,
They'd caught a pox from every box,
That syphilized all Europe.
CHORUS.
**************
THE ?,NGINESRS SONG.
An engineer told me before he died,
And I've no reason to think he lied,
Although he tried for most of his life,
He never could satisfy his wife.
So he build a prick of steel,
Strapped it to a bloody great wheel,
Two brass ball filled with cream,
And the whole frigging issue was driven by steam.
Round and round went the bloody great wheel, (CHORUS)
In and out went the prick of steel,
And I'll lay you money on a sure fire bet,
That the great big wheel is a turning yet.
Well he rolled it in through the bedroom door,
And the wheel started up with a bloody great roar,
Rolled toward his wife and rolled on top,
And it pumped in cream until she cried out "Stop".
Up and up went the level of steam;
Down and down went the level of cream,
'Till again Iriifpo
"Enough, enou^, i'l^
-21-
TH^ 3NGIN1SHSRS SONG(contd)
CHORUS,
Now we come to the tragic biV/
There was no way o£ stepping it,
His wife was split from arse to tit,
And the wh^l^ bloody issue was covered in shit.
Then it rolled through the gate and it steamed real fast,
And it f^unc/S>eo^5le walking past,
Covered them up with grease and cream,
And disappeared in a cloud o£ steam*
CHORUS.
************
B^ KIND TO YOUR T^B-FOTTqD FRIENDS.
Be kind to your web-footed friends,
For a duck may be somebody's mother,
Be kind to your friends in the swamp,
Where the weather is cool and damp,
Now you may think that this is the end,
VP3LL IT IS.........