to all mi friends
i would like to thank everyone who
contributed their time, effort, and
material to help me pot this eoos
together; and, to those of you who
came up with some sort of excuse
when i asked for help, a vert special
*FUCK IOU#
LOVE,
(GREG ANDERS)
IIID3X
IIOI-3-a TITL3
TUIE
1 Republic's Ultra Hog
Walbash Cannoriball
2 Thud Drivers in the Sky
Gcast Riders in the Sky
3 The Red River Vally
Same
4 Don't Send Ke to Hanoi
Winchester Cathedral
5 One Hundred Missions
When Johnny Comes l-hrching Home
6 Hallelujah
Same
7 380th
8 Bear of the Sky
King of the Road
9 The Weasel Song
Titanic
10 Wild Weasel
Sweet Betsey From Pike
1 1 Fop Goes The Weasel Same
1 2 Whiffenpoof Song
Same
1 ) Up in That Valley
Down in the Valley
1 4 \/hiffenpoof (SEA)
Same
15 It:s Tragic
It's Magic
1 5 Puff
Same
1 7 Little Red Li#it Ly
Blue Heaven
1 8 Where have all the Old Heads Gone Where Have All the
Flowers Gone
1 9 Twelve Days of Combat Twelve
Days of Christmas
20 The Air Force Lament
Battle Hymn of the Republic
21 Oil it!s Beer Beer Beer
22 Wingman's Lament
Sweet Betsey From Pike
25 I Wanted Wings (SEA Version)
24 Good Old Mountain Dew
Sajne
25 Bless !em All
26 . Jolly Jolly Bangkok Jolly
Jngland
27 Migs Come Out to Play Ky Home in
Indiana
28 "G" Suits and Parachutes Bell Bottom
Trousers
29 Jolly Jolly England Same
30 And I Learned About Flying From Him I Learned About Women ■ From
Her
51 Come on and Join the Air Force You'll Never Mind
32 Tho Others Went Flying
33 Lets Have a Party
34 B-52 Take-off
35 Landlord, Fill the Flowing Bowl Three Jolly
Coachman
36 My How the money Rolls IN Ify
Bonnie
37 Ball of Yarn
30 Fighter Pilots
3/' You can Tell a Fighter Polot
40 l.iokel on the Grass
Hallelujah
41" I Love My Girl
42 'oil Your Leg Over
43 oodpeckers Jong Dixie
44 SI: v.- i-,e the ./ay to Go Home Same
4C>. '■' Scotch Wedding
46 jalone
AV Asn Holes Are Cheap Today
V: C% .-ioilley's Daughter
''■9 Charlie ./ent A-Running
Froggy Went n!Wooing
ys F-4 Serenade
:-1 .Oil Rip the Feathers Away
';:** The Candle Song
>') Forty Filters
"/' Kathuselem
£)5 The Camel •
56 Poor But Honest
57 Shit Hot From Korat Sweet
Betsy Prom Pike
50 Sing Us Another One Do
'59 The Tinker
60 Beside a Korean Waterfall
61 Tie liy Root Around A Tree Chisolm
Trail
62 The Little Bird
65 Do your Balls Hang Low March of
the Toy Soldiers
64 Palsies and Brassieres Coffee
in Brazil
65 The Lady in Red
66 Spanish Guitar
67 Our Baby
68 Horse Shit
69 Saunv Small
70 oaivjTf Snail (SEA version)
71 Ting-a-Ling
72 We All Hay Be Dead Tomarrow
73 Stay -/ith God
Dashing Through the Snov
74 I Saw Her Snatch
75 Mary -\nn Burns
76 No Balls At All
77 Nelly Darling
78 The Balls Of O'Leary The
Bells Of St# Maxy
79 Last Night
Finicule-Finecula
80 Sixteen Times
Sixteen Tons
81 Adeline Schmidt
82 I've Got Six-pence
83 Uncle John And Auntie Mabel Hark the
Herald Angels Sing
84 Six Pounds Off Boobies These Are
The Things I Love
85 Kotex Song
Caissons go Rolling Along
86 Old Gray Bustle
Old Gray Bonnet
87 Sally
88 Barnacle Bill The Pilot
09 Street Cleaner Song
Carolina in the Morning
90 The House
91 Into The Air 69ers
92 h'unoresque
93 Bang it to Lulu
94 Have You Tried Yes sup?
oc> Battle Lyjnn
Battle Hymn Of The Republic
96 Silver Threads Among The Gold
97 trigging In T^e Rigging
98 Do You Know Ken, My Sister Tilly
99 Styles
Smiles
10- Lilly From Piccadilly
1^ The Bastcrd King Of England
102 Three Whores From Canada Junction
103 Oh !y God
104 Violate me
105 ling Dang Doo
105 The Bloody'Great Wheel
107 Paddy Murphy
"03 I ant to Play Piano in a Whore House
109 Ode to a Great Puckin1 3A& Jffort
110 The Twelve days of Christmas Same
111 Joy To The World Sa^e
112 Jingle Bells Sane
113 Little Town Of Bethlehem Same
REPUBLIC'S .LTRA HOG
1.
Tune: Walbash Cannonball
Listen to the jingle the gruntin1 and the wheeze,
As she rolls along the runway by the BAC-9 and the trees,
Hear the mighty roarin1 engine as you leap off in, the ;" ,g,
You're flying through the jungle in Republic's Ultra Hog*
We came up from old Korat one steamy summer day,
As ve pitched up on the target you could hear all the gunners say,
"She's big and fat and ugiy, she's really quite a dog,
She's known around the country as Republic's Ultra Koglf0
Here's to HacNamara, his name will always smell,
He'll always be remembered down in Fighter Pilots Hell,
He frags all the targets and sends us out to die,
He sends us into combat in Republic's 105
Listen to the jangle the gruntin' and the wheeze,
As she rolls along the runway by the BAC-9 and the trees*
Hear the mighty roarin' engine.as you leap off in the fog,
You're flying through the jungle in Republic's Ultra Hoglll
THUD DRIVERS IN THE SKY 2.
TUNE; Goast riders in the sky
A 105 got airborn on a dark and windy day
And as he raised his landing gear you could hear the pilot pray;
"Keep all those buckets in the wheel and I'll be safe and sound,
Don't let that fire go out, Dear Lord, till I am on the ground**
Chorus; Yippi-o, yippi-i-a-a-a
Thud drivers in the skyc
Thoca flying fiends are here to stay, it's said they're very mean,
And all know we've been famous since 1917,
Though we may work on holidays, and weekends just the same,
Tho* j pukin pups make, history, Oh bless that famous nancu
i-.x our 105c take to the air, their tails are spouting flame,
Tiie crev3 they all go through hell, but fly em just the same,
The crew chiefs work their asses off to keep em flyin high,
And watch *ith satisfaction as their plane goes screaming by#
Day and night our pilots fight to live up to their name,
Other pilots come and go, but ours fly on to fame*
They're going to fly forever in that range so very high,
They cuss and ciy,nLIVE OR DIE,f Thud drivers in the sky I
THE RED RIVER VALLEY 5#
Tune: Same
To the vally he said he was flying,
And he never saw the medal thet he earned,
Many jocks have flown into the valley,
And a number have never returned0
So I listened as he briefed on the mission,
Tonight at the bar TEAK Flight will sing,
But we1re goin' to the Red River Valley,
And today you are flying iny wing.
Oh that flak is so thick in the valley,
That the Mig's and the missiles we don't need,
So fly high and down sun in the valley,
And guard well the ass of TEAK Lead.
Now if things -turn to shit in the valley*
And the briefing that I gave you don"t heed
They'll be waiting at the Hanoi Hilton
And its fish heads and rice for TEAK laad.
We refueled on the way to the valley
In the States it had always been fun
But with thunder and lightning all around us,
T'was the last A A R for TEAK One.
When he came to a bridge in the valley,
He saw a duty that he couldn't shun
For the first to roll in on the target
Was my leader old TEAK Number One
Oh, he flew through the flak to the target
With his bombs and his rockets drew a bead
But he never pulled out of his bomb run,
T'was fatal for another Teak Lead
So come sit by my side at the breifing
We will sit there and tickle the beads
For we're going to the Red River Valley,
And w call sign today is Teak Lead.
DON'T SEND HE TO HANOI
4#
Tune: Winchester Cathedral
Don't send me to Hanoi.
Please, don't put my name down.
The shooting is bad there*
Don't send me downtown.
The -bridges at Bac Giang,
>bre milling around*
Another Brown Anchor,
I think IfH leave town.
Don't send me to Yen Bay
I don't like that much flak.
It takes too much damn gas
To bring my ass back.
Don't send me by Dong Hoi,
I don't want to.get none,
Those BUF support missions,
They make my ass numb.
Just send my on milk runs,
Where there are no big guns.
I just want to fly where
It's easy on my bear.
ONE HUNDRED l-UGSIONS
5#
Tunes When Johnny Comes Marching Home, (sung as a dirge)
One Jrondred missions we have flown, Aha, Aha,
One hundred missions we have flown, Aha, Aha.
One hundred missions we have flown,
One hundred bridges we have blown,
But you can't return till Lyndon gives the word.
From one to one hundred we did count, Aha, Aha.
From one to one hundred we did count, Aha, Aha.
From one to one hundred we did count,
But now one half or jaore don't count,
But you can't return till Lyndon gives the word.
They said they'd give us combat pay, Aha, Aha.
They said-they'd give us combat pay, Aha, Aha.
They Said they'd give us combat pay,
And then the bastards took it away,
But you can't return till Lyndon gives the word.
We're Iron Hands from old _______, Aha, Aha.
lie1 re Iron Hands from old _____ . Aha, Aha.
'we're Iron Hands from old .
Our hearts beat fast, we
But you can't return till Lyndon gives the word.
The weasels fly around alone, Aha, Aha.
The Weasels fly around alone, Aha, Alia.
The weasels fly around alone,
With half a flight they head for home,
But you can't return till Lyndon gives the word.
(continued)
nj^JWNDRHl) MISSIONS (continued)
The force rolls in amidst the flak, Aha, Aha.
The force rolls in amidst the flak, Aha, Aha.
The force rolls in amidst the flak,
One half or more won't make it back,
But you can't return till Itfndon gives the word.
Not many will return alive, Aha, Aha.
Not many will return alive, Aha, Aha.
Not many will return alive,
Who flew the bloody 105,
But you can1t return till Lyndon gives the word.
HALLELUJAH (same tune)
6#
Chorus*. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Here1s a tanker full of gas
To save a fighter pilot's ass.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Put your gas-hole on the boom
And you Ml be saved,
I was cruising at six angels
In my foxtrot 105,
Thinking 'bout the iroo«Iing
Back in the Takhli dive,
When a sudden" burst of ack-ack
V/as all around the sky.
Mayday! riayday! Mayday!
i'Jy tanks are running dry!
(Chorus)
So I squawked my parrot mayday
And called up GCI,
Asking for a tanker
To keep ne in the sky.
Well, The Airman-third controller
Said, "Please don!t go away.
Let me call up Seventh
To see if it!s okay."
(Chorus)
Then a friendly tanker pilot
Called out, ,ffighter jock, no sweat.
I!ve got half a jug of coffee,
So Ifm not bingo yet,
If you get a vector to me
I'll be glad to pass some gas.
Turn your twenty mike-mike off,
And don't shoot up my ass,"
(Chorus)
It was really getting hairy
As I sped my old Thud south.
I could feel the cotton rising
All inside my mouth,
Then I saw the silver tanker
And gave a happy shout•
Then I saw the droguo behind,
And started punching out.
(Chorus)
338th 1+
The 338thf s going north today
With bombs on every HSR
When we cross Red River
We111 do six hundred per
The flak and SAM1 s will greet us
from top, bottom, and the side,
And then the.Mig's will tap us
To liven up our ride
(Chorus)
Three Eighty Eight, the best Air Force Wing
We're number one, so listen to us sing
We're going to hit a target
That we *hit yesterday
To sharpen up their gunners
And earn our hazard pay
We're going to use the same old route
Which may to you seem strange
But that will fool their planners
Who think that we will change
(Chorus)
We're going to have to brave the SAK's
And flak that we may face
So that we can drop our boinbload
Un some defended place
We may not like the place we go
Or the target we will hit
But will do our very best
There is no doubt of it
(Chorus)
We're headed straight for old Hanoi
And when we get up there
we'll drop our ordered payload
Just about anywhere
On a bridge, a site, or railroad yard
Or even right downtown
To show that stupid Ho Chi Minh
That he's a stubborn clown
(Chorus)
Continued
388th (continued)
Haybe we donft turn so good
When we are way up high
But come on down into the weeds
When you want to die
We'll turn and fight and have your badge
If you want to play
Down where we are better
Than Migla in every way
(Chorus)
When you1re flying way up north
And want to stay alive
There1s just one Air Force Airplane
The Thunder One-Q-Five
flow if you are a doubter
Of what we have to say
You can take our glorious place
Any glorious day
(Chorus)
BEAR OF THE SKY
8.
Back seat for sale or rent
Radar sets fifty cents
He's got no landings yet
No take off will he get
Four hours on the boom in a
Cockpit with no damn room Kefs a
Man who flys but donft fly
Bear of the sky
He knows £very instrument every dial
He gets Occasional stick time once in a while
And every week when the weather is clear
The A/C may let him lower the gear
He rides in the rumble seat
And thinks its quite a treat
His a/c will take care
While he rides through the air
He takes up extra room he rides
Through the sonic boom Hefs a
Man who flys but don't fly
Bear of the sky.
THE WEASEL SONG 9 #
Tunes Titanic
Oh, we joined the weasel force,
When we finished the old course,
We thought we had a game
The missiles for to tame,
After many trips downtown
No answer had we found;
Only "Take it down, Take it downl"
CHORUS;
Take it down, way down
Take it down, way down
Down underneath that SA«2, to the bottom
After many trips downtown
No answer had we found,
Only take it down, take* it down.
Off the tanker lov:
Into fluid four we go
Driving to the coast
We run before the force
We're about to face them all
And are waiting for the caU
"Take it down, take it down."
In at 10 thou1 and point 9
The signals painting fine
We puLL up to hose a SHRIKE
Something they don't like.
Away the bastards roar
And upward they do soar
Time to take it down, take it down.
The sites that ring the town
Our range have finally found*
Many missiles underway,
It!s time for us to play.
RoU under to the right
Red dots are now in sight.
Better take it down, take it down.
Back around again
There's flak from Gia Laa0
Up for another SHRIKE
Goes our weaving flight..
A missile bursts close by
And lower we do fly,
Down, take it down, take it down.
TIB VJEASIilb SONG (continued)
Hang on BOBBIN 2
We've got work to do.
SHRIKES? We've shot the lot
But a site's at 10 o'clock
So down the slide we go
CBUs burst below.
Down, take it down, take it down*
Out behind the force
Down the delta to the coast*
Tanks have long gone dry
"Tanker11 we do. cry.
Holes in number four
It's flying like a whoreo
thy have to take it down, take it down*
Back home on the ground
All are safe and sound.
The weasels rest once more
Sites added to the score.
We gather around the bar
No matter what the hour.
Time to drink it down, drink it down.
(down to the bottom of the glass, to the bottom.)
The "Be No*su fence us in
To fight the greatest sin.
"Don't do this, and don't do that"
Our leaders always blat
Weasels press on just the sane,
IRON HAND is a fighting game.
Down, take' it dovm, take it down.
WILD WEASEL 10.
TUHE: Sweet Betsy from tike
Wild Weasel, Wild Weasel, they call me by name.
I fly up on Thud Ridge, and play the big game.
I fly o'er the valleys and hide behind hills;
I dodge all the missiles, then go in for kills.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear*
Some weak guns, some weak guns; they're all off at one.
But don't worry fellows, for threats, there are none.
There's.a big one just looking at two o'clock now.
There's flak all around us. They're shooting, and howl
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
\fILi) WEASEL (continued)
Keep moving, they1re shooting. The target1s at eight.
Go burner, now roll in, don't pull it off straight.
A missile I A missile 1 Let's take it on down.
Oh, God, whore's that bastard? I$r flight suit's turned brown.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
Now pull it up, pull up, and head for the sky.
The missile's at two, boys; now watch it sail by.
There's smoke from the Sam site out there in the grass.
Set 'em up hot, boys, and we'll nail his ass.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
Wild Weasel, Wild Weasel, they've called me by name.
I flew o'er the fence, and Ifve won the big game0
On© hundred, one hundred. I'm heading for home.
And over those damn hills, I'll never more roam.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
POP GOES THE WEASEL X x*
Around and around the sam site
The inissle chased the weasel,
the weasel got pissed, the Sam got zapped,
Pop goes the weasel.
Willy Peter showed us where
To roll in to displease 'em
One more pass with HEI,
Pop goes the Weasel,
Lady fingers did their job,
Did more than just tease 'em.
The Russian Techs got all pissed off,
Pop goes the Weasel.
We look around for Sam sites
We grab their balls and squeeze 'em
They show their ass, we shbot it off,
Pop goes the Weasel.
WHDYSKPOOF SONG
12
To the tables dcvm at mury* s
To the place where Louie dwells
To the dear old temple bar we love so well
Sit the Wiffenpoofs assembled
With their glasses raised on high
And the magic of their singing casts a spell
Yes, the magic of their singing
Of the songs we love so well
"Shall I Wasting11 andnMavoureen" and the rest
We will serenade our Louie
'While life and voice shall last
And in passing be forgotten with the rest
We are poor little jocks who have lost our way
Baaj baa, baa
We are little black sheep, who have gone astray
Baa, baa, baa
Gentlemen songsters off on a spree
Doomed from here to eternity
Lord have mercy on such as we
Baa, baa, baa
UP IN THAT YALLBY
Tune: Down In The Valley
Up in.that valley,
That valley so low,
Where the Sara missies flourish,
And the 85's glow.
The Thai Nguyen steel plant,
The Hanoi railyard,
The bridges at Bac Giang,
They've played their trumph card.
The Iron Hands mill right,
And the strike pilots flail.
The MIG's try to bounce us,
But they always fail.
The i-iIG cap, he hollers,
"There1.s bandits at twelve!"
"Launch!" screams the Weasel.
It's better in hell.
The flak is a-burstin1
Right next to" my hide.
All I can hear is,
"Yoiire lagging behind."
We're down on the bomb run.
The target's in sight.
"Sweet Jesus," I'm thinking,
"I'd better break right."
1 3 .
We're breaking for Thud Ridge,
What a beautiful sight.
Oh shitI I just noticed
Aa overheat light.
Vy heart is a-pumping,
I know I'm not dead.
Please, God, get this old Thud^
Just out past the Red. * ^
il *> •
If I can get past h . * g
That muddy old slough, > rj § <&
The Sandys and Jollys ^| d q>
Will pull me on through. A ^ S o
o sL
Vm past ninety-seven, +* -p a
And now I can boast, ® c 3*p
The rest I can finish &% £ a
Out over the coast. *% rQ - J?
Where the tankers don't matter,
Although I must say,
I often have seen it,
Where they've saved the day.
Up in that valley,
That valley of grief,
I hope all your flights there
Will always be brief.
UIIIFFENPOOF (SEA)
From a hootch in Southeast Asia
To the place where aces dwell
To the bars in old Korat
We know so well
See the fighter jocks assemble
With their glasses raised on high
In a toast to a comrade who just fell
We will throw our glasses wildly
And throw our bombs as well
Til the finks at 7th AirForce go to hell
14#
We are poor fighter jocks who
Have lost our way, help, help, help
We flew to the t^wn of Hanoi
Today, help, hr-p, help
Steely eyed pilots up in the blue
Lead got zapped by SA-2
Letfs hawl ass or hefU get us too
AB now5!
IT*5 TRAGIC 1
5#
You smile your teeth fall out, your hair smells like sauerkraut
It1s tragic
The bugs desert the air, and rush to nestle in your hair
It1s tragic
It takes one look to know you have no charms
You're just a gab of bones with long surrounding arms
Your eyes are big and round
There's one that's blue and one that's brown
It1s tragic
Yon part your hair in place
And it keeps sliding down your face
It's tragic
ibid as I tell myself
These things that happen are not really true
Yet in my heart I know the tragedy is really you
PJPF
1 6#
Puff the tragic wagon
Came across the sea
Conceited turds in gooney birds
They came to kill VC
The VC shod: in terror
Whene're they appeared
The mini ones with mini guns
A sticking out their rear
Puff the tragic wagon
At Danang by the sea
Though Rinkelman in number one
His waist is 63
The FC-47
Flies all afternoon
Half a day of boredom in
A silly fucking goon.
LITTLE RED LIGHT Tune: % Blue Heaven 17#
A turn to the right, a little red light, will lead you to my red haven0
You'll see a smiling face on a pillowcase, a form divine.
Just a little old whore who's' been- screwed before,
A thousand times.
Just i'blly and me, there'll never be three.
We're careful in our red haven.
WHSRS PIAVE .ILL TIE OLD HEADS TUNE; Where Have All The Flowers Gone 18,
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time passing.
Where, have all the soldiers gone?
Long time ago,
Where have all the soldiers gone?
They*ve all gone to Viet Nam,
Oh, when will they ever learn;
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the Vietnamese gone?
Long time passing,
Where have all the Vietnamese gone?
Long time ago,
Where have all the Vietnamese gone?
They've all become Viet Cong,
Oh, when will we ever learn;
Oh, when will we ever learn?
Where have all the VCfs gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the VCfs gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the VC's gone?
To fix the bridges that we bomb.
Oh, when will they ever learn;
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where do aU the. Weasels go?
Long time passing.
Where do all the Weasels go?
Long time ago.
Where do all the Weasels go?
Ofer the ridge to meet the foe.
Oh, when will they ever learn;
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the SAM sites gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the SAM sites gone?
Long time ago,
Whore' have all the SAM sites gone?
They've been down, oh/ so long.
Oh, when will they ever learn;
Oh, v/hen will they ever learn?
Where do all the strike flights go?
Long time passing.
Where do all the strike flights go?
Long time ago.
Where do all the strike flights go?
'Cross the fence again, I know.
Oh, when will they ever learn;
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the flak sites gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the flak sites gone?
Long time,ago.
Where have all the flak sites gone?
Along"the railroad, oh, so long.
Oh, when will they ever learn;
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the old heads gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the old heads gone?
Long time ago.
V/here have all the old heads gone?
They've gone home: their tour is done.
You see, they've finally learned;
Oh yes, they've finally learned.
WILD WEASEL TUNE: Sweet Betsy From Pike
Wild Weasel, Wild "Weasel, they call me by name,
I fly up on Thud Ridge, and play the 'big game.
I fly ofer the valleys and hide behind hills;
I dodge all the missies, then go in for kills0
Pm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear0 •■
Some weak guns^ some weak guns;, they're all off at one,
But don't worry fellows, for threats, there are none.
•There1s a big one just looking at two o1clock now.
There1s flak all around us. They're shooting, and howl
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
(continued)
WILD WEASEL (continued)
Keep moving, they're shooting. The target's at eighto
Go burner, now roll in, don!t pull it off straight,
A misslei A laissle! Lot's take it on down.
Oh God, where1s that bastard: Ity flight suit's turned brown.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
Now pull it up, pull up, and head for the sky.
The missle's at two, boys; now watch it sail by.
There's smoke from the SAM site out there in the grass.
Set'em up hot, boys,.and we'll nail his ass.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
Wild Weasel, Wild Weasel, They've called me by name.
1 flew o'er the fence, and I've won the big game.
One hundred, one hundred. I'm heading for home.
And over those damn hills, I'll never more roam.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
TWELVE DAYS OF COMBAT TIME; Twelve Days of Christmas 19.-
.On the first day of combat, the Air Force gave to me a pilot in a teak tree.
On the second day.....2 rocket pods.
On the third day....3 fuel tanks.
On the fourth day___4 GAR S's.
On the fifth day....5 thousand pounders.
On the sixth day....bseven-fiftys.
On the seventh day ofcombat, Ho Chi gave to me 7 SAMs singing.
On the eighth day....8 flak sites firing.
On the ninth day....9 MIG's a diving.
On the tenth day of combat, the Air Force gave to me 10. Sandys searching.
On the eleventh day....11 choppers wldrling.
On the twelfth day....12 days a-waiting."
TKS AIR FORCE LAHSdT
20#
Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic
% eyes Ixave seen the days of men who ruled tho fighting sky
With hearts that laughed at death who lived for nothing tvt to fly
But now those hearts are grounded and those days are loj. :^ gone by
The Air Force1s gone to hell
Chorus;
Glory flying regulations, have them read at every station
Crucify the man that breaks them, the Air Force1s gone to heU
1-^ bones have felt their pounding throb, a hundred thousand strong
A mighty airborne legion set to right the deadly wrong
But now itfs only memory, it only lives in song
The Air Force's gone to hell
I have seen them in their T-bolts, when their eyes were dancing flame.
I've seen their screaming power dives that blasted Goering!s name
But now they fly like sissies and they hang their heads in shame
The Air Force's gone to hell
Once they flew B-26Ts through a living hell of flak
And bloody dying pilots gave their all to bring them back
But now they all play ping pong in the operations shack
Their technique1s gone to hell
The lordly flying fortress and the liberator too
Once wrote the doom of Germany, with contrails in the blue
But now the skies are empty, and our planes are wet with dew
And we can't fly for hell
You have heard your pounding 50' s blase from wings of polished steel
The purring of you Merlin was a song your heart could feel
But now the L-5 charms you with it's moaning groanin squeal
And it won't climb for hell
Have you ever climbed a lightening up to where the air is thin
Have you stuck her long nose downward just to hear the screaming din
Have you tried to do it"lately, better not you'll auger in
And then you'll sure catch hell
The Sabre's in Korea arove the i-UG's out of the sky
The pilots then were fearless men aiiJ not afraid to die
But now the regs are written, you can kiss your wings good-bye
And you won't fly for hell
Hap Arnold built a fighting team that sang a fighting song
About the wild blue yonder in the days when men were strong
But now we're closely supervised for fear we may do wrong
The Air Force's gone to hell
(continued)
THE AIR FORGE LAM&JT (continued)
We were cocky bold and happy when we played tho angel1 s game
We split the blue with buszing and we rolled our way to fame
But now that's all verboten and wefre all so-goddamn-tamo
Our spirit1s shot to hell
One day I buzzed an airfield with another reckless chap
Vie flew a hot formation with his wing tip in my lap
But there's a new directive and we111 have no more of that
Or you will burn in hell
Mine eyes get dim with tears when I recall the days of old
When pilots took their choice and I will live to be quite old
The Mr Force's gone to hell
But smile awhile my pilots tho your eyes may still be wet
Someday we'll be in heaven where the rules have not been set
And God will show us how to buzz and roll and really let-.
The Air Force fly like hell
Chorus 2:
Glory no more regulations, rip them down at every station
Ground the guy that tries to make one, and let us fly like hell
OH IT'S, BEER Bi^R B'KER
21.
Oh it's beer, beer, beer
That makes you want to cheer
In the Corps, in the Corps
Oh itis beer, beer, beer
That makes you want to cheer
In the U.S. Air, U.S. Air Force
Chorus: Hy eyes are dim, I cannot see
I have not brought my specs with me
Whiskey - That makes you feel so friskey
Gin - That makes you want to sin
Vodka - That makes you feel you oughta
aautern - That makes your belly burn
Vermouth - That makes you foel uncouth
Bourbon - That makes you feel like ehirpin*
Wine - That makes you feel so fine
Hum - That makes you fell so dumb
Rye - That makes you feel so sly
Brandy- That makes you feel so dandy
Likker - That makes you ever sicker
Sherry - That makes you feel so hairy
WINGMAN'S LAMSliT
22*
Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike
We turned the Red and lead said, "Push it up."
I used my burner and couldn't keep up.
I was dragging behind, it sure ain!t no.fun•
I said, "Leader, leader, oh please, give me*one."
Vm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
Flying above us were several F~4!s.
They1re fbout as useful as tits on a boar,
They brief in the air and they pull other pranks,
Like bombarding Fives with their empty drop tanks,
I'm a lousy.......
We hit Cho i-foi and then turned on our run,
The gunners below uncovered their guns.
I tell you the weather up there can change fast
From clear and fifteen to a black overcast.
Ifm a lousy,.......
Lead passed the target before He rolled in
With 300 knots: a capital sin.
And try though I did, and I tried as I pleased,
I had 400 knots and 20 degrees,
lfm a lousy,......•
I rolled in and lit a fresh cigarette.
A few puffs of flak were nothing to sweat.
A damned golden BB met up with my' plane."
Hey coach, I think I will drop out'of the game.
I'm a lousy........,,
P-l and P-2 fall down through the red.
I begin to fear my Thunderchieffs dead.
The slab and the stick, they soon separated.
By the finger of fate, I have been mated,
Ifm a lousy,........
The living at Hilton ainft very good.
I find the quarters as bad as the food.
The waiters, they give us a whole lot of lip.
But we don!t have to pay, wedon't have to tip,
I'm a lousy0,..,......
So listen, my friends, if you1re flying today,
Keep it high, keep it fast, is what I say.
Keep up with your leader, but still, just the sane ,
You bet your own ass, is the name of the game.
Irm a lousy............
I WAiJTED V/INGS (S.E.A. Version)
.23.
I've been alive
Twenty years, plus four or five,
And I've tried many a pursuit,
I went to pilot school,
'^earned the ropes and learned the rules,
And got my wings and my blue suit.
aid then I went to get upgraded
And like a fool I made it.
hen they made me number four,
And then they sent me off to war,
aster.
I wanted wings
ill I got the goddamn things;
ifow I don't want them anymore.
le Rupublic Thunderchief
Is just twenty tons of grief.
16 dirty sons~of«bitches
Filled it with three-hundred swit ches..
ster.
I wanted wings
II I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
keep my bod* alive
-hey taught me to survive
a place nestled in the hills.
liey fed my porcupine,
other goodies fine;
emmican to cure all my ills.
.in three weeks I had made it.
ley said- Ifd graduated.
1, buddy,'if that's livin'
think that I'll just give in,
-er,
wanted wings
w I got the goddamn things;
'w I donft want them anymore.
can have your he-man training
the snow, and when it's raining.
rather be a weenie
-h uqt tootie and martini,
3r.
wanted wings
I got the goddamn things;
i I don't want them anymore.
I don't want to stay,
But I cannot get away.
In Hanoi they all love parades.
Each day ve take a wo'-*•».
Through Hanoi Central Park,
Hot dressed in stylo, Ifm afraid.
Oh, those little yellow mammas
Dress us all in black pajamas,
Spectators, they just sit theref
Sometimes throw rocks, somethimes spit there
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
You can have your 105.
Ifd much rather stay alive.
The lousy afterburner
Gets you north just that much sooner,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
These lines are in jest;
Thud drivers are the best,
At flying 'n chasing women, too.
The goods they deliver
Are sure to make Ho shiver,
And wish to hell this war was through.
And for some it is all over.
They lie down beneath the clover,
For they did go down in flames,
But we will not forget their names,
Buster.
They wanted wings
And they've truly got their wings,
And they will wear them evermore.
For there are no regulations
For those heaven-bound formations,
If they don't like it, well,
They can split-S down to hell
Buster.
They wanted wings
And they've truly got their wings,
And they will wear them evermore.
GOOD OLD I4DUIJTAIN DEW
24#
There1s an old hollow tree down the road here from me
Where you lay down a dollor or two
Then you go round the bend and when you coi.ie back again
Your jug's full of that good old mountain dew
Chorus:
They call it that good old mountain dew
And them that refuse it are few
I'll hush up my mug if you fill up my jug
With that good old mountain dew
Ily brother Bill lias a still on the hill-
Where he runs off a gallon or two
The birds in the sky get so drunk they can't fly-
Just from cmellih' that good old mountain dew
How ny uncle Mart, he is sawed off and Short
Only measures bout four foot two
But he thinks he's a giant, when you give him a pint
Of that good old mountain dew
% old aunt June, brought some brand new refume
And it had such a sweet smelling phew
But to her surprise, when she had it analyzed
It was nothing but good old mountain dew
The flak gets so thick, that it makes you feel sick
When you've been on a rail cut or two
But you1!! never abort, if they111 give you a snort
Of that good old mountain dew
BLESS' '£1-1 ALL
25
Bless 'em all, Bless'em all
The long and the short and the tall
Bless all the instructors'
Who taught me to fly
Sent me up solo and left me to die
So if ever your blow jet should stall
You're due for one hell of a fall
No lillys or violets for dead fighter pilots
So cheer up my lads, Bless *em all
Bless 'em all, Bless 'em all
The long and the short and the tall
Bless all the sergeants
The sour puss ones
Bisss -all the corporals caS t&air dopey sons
Cause we're saying gooxl-bje to them all
The long and the short and the tall
There111 be no promotions this side of the ocean
So while we are here, Bless 'em all
JOLLY JOLLY BANGKOK
26 #
I don't want to be a pilot
I don?t want to go to war
I just want to hang around
Jolly Bangkok on the ground
Livin' off the earnings of my high priced lady
i\bnday I touched her on the ankle
Tuesday I touched her on the knee
Wednesday success; I lifted up her dress
Thursday her chemise I did see
Wow, Friday I put by hand upon it
Saturday she.gave my balls a twitch
But it was Sunday after supper
I rammed the old boy up her
And now she earns me fifty baht a week
I don't want to be a pilot
I don't want to go to wa r
I just want to hang around
Jolly Bangkok on the ground
Livin off the earnings of my high priced lady
I don't want a bullet up my asshole
Idon't want my buttocks shot away
I just want to stay in Bangkok
Jolly, jolly Bangkok
And fornicate my bloody life a^ay.
HIGS COM3 QUI TO PLAY Tune: tfr Home in Indiana 2T#
When the SAI-IS start rising from old Haiphong Harbor
And 85s start puffing round Kep Hay
You will know your targets just beyond that mountain
And you wonder if the MIGS will come to play
Oh you reach your pull up point and start your pop up
And the tracers seem to urge you on your way
You see the bridge as you start roll in
You wonder if the MIGS will come to play
You've dropped your bombs and now you're off and running
Jinking hard you're on you merry way
And as you reach the jagged limestone ridges
You wonder if the i-LGS will come to play
You've reached the coast and all the sea is friendly
The fuel is low but not too bad you say
I can make it back to Korat nice and easy
If only the i<HGS don't come to play
You're climbing now and starting to rest easy
A drink of water helps you on your way
But a glint of light, a speck up high, and you know
The MIGS have fi-nal-ly come to play
Your burners in, you're diving down, you're running
But his overtake is far too much today
•In your dinghy bobbing on the Gulf of Tonkin
You wish the MIGS just hadn't come to play
"G" SUITS Ala) PARACHUTES Tune: Bell Bottom Trousers
■ Once there was a barmaid, down in brewery lane
Her master was so kind to her, her mistress was the same
Along came a pilot, handsome as could be
He was the cause of all her misery
Chorus; Singing ffGTr suits and parachutes
And uniforms of blue
He111 fly a fighter
Like his daddy used to do
He asked her for a pillow to rest his weary head
She gave it to Mm willingly and lost her maidenhead
And she like a silly girl, thinking it no harm
Climbed in bed beside him just to keep the pilot warm
Now in the morning before the break of day
A five pound note he handed her, and this to her did say
"Take this my darling, for all the harm I've done
for you may iiave a daughter, and you may have a son
If you have a daughter, put ribbons in her hair
And if you have a son, get the bastard in the air."
Now the moral of ray story as you can plainly see
Is never trust a pilot an inch above the knee
The barmaid trusted one and he went off to fly
Leaving her a daughter to help the time go by
final Chorus: Singing "G" suits and parachutes
And uniforms of blue
She111 never fly a fighter
Like her daddy used to do
JOLLY, JOLLY ENGLAND
29,
Oh, I donft want to be a pilot*
I don't want to go to war.
Just want to hang around Piccadilly on the ground
Livin1 off the earnings of me high born lady.
Ivbnday I touched her on the ankle,
Tuesday I touched her on.'the knee,
Wednesday success; I lifted up her dress,
Thursday hor chemise I did see
Ibw, Friday I put my liand upon it
Saturday she gave me balls a tweak, tweak, tweak
It Sunday after supper I shoved the old boy up?er
And now she earns me seven and six a week, Gor!BlimeyI
I donft want to be a pilot
I don't want to go to war.
I^just want to hang around Piccadilly on the ground
Livin1 off the earnings of me 'high born lady.
I don't want a bullet up me arse 'ole,
I just' want to stay in England, in Jolly Jolly England,
And play the rest of me bloody life away.
AIID I LKARilED ABOUT FLYING FR3M HB1
5°*
Tune; I Learned about VJomen from Her
I've handled the stick and the rudder
Ifve flown quite .a lot in my time
Ifve had my share of instructors
And some of the bunch v?ere fine
A bowlegged fellow from Princeton
And one that was trained at Cornell
And a fellow from Brooks, but they gave him the hooks
And the Shave tail that gave me hell
The fellow from- Princeton was steady
He taught me to takeoff and land
He'd set her down on three points
And loop her to beat the band
But when I went up for a solo
The Jennie was stdady and trim
Well, I landed that ship, but I busted my hip
And I learned about flying from him
The man from Cornell was a bad one
A son-of-<i-gun I will say
The dirty tail-spin he gave me
Will last fox many a day
I donated a lunch to the cockpit
But he dived and he spun her again
He gave me a howl when I ducked for the cowl
And I learned about flying from him
The fellow from tfrooks used the Gosport
And he talked through a long rubber tube-
All that I heard was his .swearing
He spotted me for a boob
I'll never forget -one bad tailspin
He yelled, kick the rudder you simp
But I didn't kick, I just wiggled the stick
And I learned about flying from him
At last I came to formation
And took a fact ship from the line
I made the first turn a humming
And brought her back upright just fine
I sped up the ship without thinking
And hit number two in -the wing
And-—-when I got well, the CO gave me hell
And I learned about flying from him
I've handled the stick and the rudder
I've flown quite a lot in my time
I!ve had my share of instructors
.And some of the bunch were fine
But take some straight dope from a flyer
And go to the liavy at sea
For the ships they have there can land anywhere
'And learn about flying from me
CO MS ON Aim-JOIN TIPS AIR i'XJRCE
51.
Come on and join the Air Force, we're a happy band they say
Vie never do a lick of work, just fly around all day
While others work and study hard, and soon grow old and blind
We'll take to the air without a care, and you will never mind
Chorus:
You'll never mind, you'll never mind
Oh, come and join the Air Force and you will never mind
Cone on and get promoted as high as you desire
You're riding on a gravy train when you're an Air Force flyer
But just when you.1 re about to be a general you'll find
The engine coughs, the wings fall off, and you will never mind
'And when you loop and spin her and with an awful tear
You find yourself without your wings but you will never care
for in about two minutes more another pair you'll find
You'll fly with Pete and his angels sweet, but you will never mind
You're flying over the ocean, you hear your engine quit
You see your prop cone to a stop, the goddamn engine's quit
The ship won.'t float, you cannot swim, the shore is miles behind
Oh, what a dish for the crabs and fish, but you will never mind
I fly up to the yalu, in my F-36
And here's one thing that you can send to Congress in you TWX
I've only got cm engine, Jack, and if that bastard quits
It will be up there all by itself, cause "I will shit and get
Oh, someday you'll meet a HIG-15, He'll shoot you down in flames
No use in belly aching and calling the bastard names
You'll lose your wings, don't worry Mac, another pair you'll find
You'll fly with Pete and the angels sweet and you will never mind
Oh, we're just a bunch of Air Force lads, and we don't give a damn
About the groundlings point of view and all that sort of ham
We want a hundred thousand ships of each and every kind
And now we've got our own Air Force, so we will never mind
Wow we're the operations bunch, and we don't give a damn
About those paper shufflin types with heads just like a ham
We want a hundred planes or so all ready on the line
And they can pad those swivel chairs and we will never mind
Oh, come and get your brassy rank as high as you desire ■
You're riding on a gravy train when you're in the admin mire
The ones and fours have room for more, or so they always find
With noses in place, we don't mean on the face, you will never mind,
THE OTHERS w'ENT FLYING
52*
The unit went flying
One dark and windy day
And as they taxied by
I heard Commander___ say;
I see my boys are flying
And I feel so God Damn proud
The unit- will penetrate a cloud
LET'S HAVE A PARTY
55#
Parties make the world go around.
World go round, world go round
Parties make the world-go round
So let's have a party
Wefre going to tear down the bar in our club Boo
We1re gonnabuild a NEW bar Ray
It!s only gonna be a foot wide Boo
But it* 11 be a MILD long Ray
There'll be no bartenders in our bar Boo
We're gonna have BARMAIJS Ray
Our barmaids will wear long dresses Boo
Made of CELLOPHANE
Ray
You can't take our barmaids home Boo
They'll tote YOU home
Ray
You can't sleep with our barmaids Boo
They won't LET you sleep Ray
Beer's gonna be 50^ a glass Boo
Whiskey FREE
Ray
Only one to a customer Boo
Served in BUCKETS
Ray
We're gonna throw all the beer in the river Boo
Then we'll all go swimming Hay
No girls allowed above the first floor Boo
With their CLOTHES ON Ray
There'll be no loving on the dance floor Boo
And no dancing on the LOVING floor Ray
Parties make the world go round
World go round, world go round
Parties make the world go round
30 LET'S HAVE A PARTI
B-52 TAKE-OFF
54#
Hand in the throttles, All eight of them
Release the brakes, All sixteen of them
Off we go into the wild blue yonder..........CRASH! I III
LANDLORD, FILL TIIE FLOWING BOWL
35#
Three jolly pilots, sat in- an "English tavern
Three jolly pilots, sat in an English tavern
And they decided that, and they decided that
And they decided that: They'd have another flagon*
Oh, landlord fill the flowing bowl
until it doth run over
Landlord fill the flowing bowl
until it doth run over
For tonight we'll merry be
For tonight we111 merry be
For tonight we111 merry be
Tomorrow we'll be sober.........PITY!! Hi
Here's to the jock who drinks light ale
and goes to bed quite sober
Here's to the jock who drinks light ale
and goes to bed quite sober
He fades as the lilly fades,
He fades as the lilly fades,
He fades as the lilly fades,
He'll die before October
Here's to the jock who drinks stout ale
and goes to bed quite mellow
Here's to the jock who drinks stout ale
and goes to bed quite mellow
He lives as he ought to live
He lives as he ought to live
He lives as he ought to live
He'll die a jolly good fellow
Here's to the maid who steals a kiss
and runs to tell her mother
Here's to the maid who steals a kiss
and runs to tell her mother
She's a foolish, foolish thing
She's a foolish, foolish thing
She's a foolish, foolish thing
For she'll not get another..........PITY!!!
Here's to the maid who steals a kiss
and stays to steal another
Here's to the maid who steals a kiss
and stays to steal another
She's a boon to all mankind
She's a boon to all mankind
She's a boon to all mankind
For she'll soon be a mother
Oh, landlord fill the flowing bowl
until it doth flow over
Landlord fill the flowing bowl
until it doth flow over
For tonight we'll merry be
For tonight we'll merry be
Tomorrow we'll be sober.........PITY
MY HOW TliS MONEY ROLLS IN
36#
1-y father makes ram in the bathtub
Ify mother makes two kinds of gin
ity sister xoakes love for a living
Ity God how the money rolls in
Chorus:
Rolls in, rolls in, my God how the money rolls in, rolls in
Rolls in, rolls in,. my God how the money rolls in
1-y brother1 s a poor missionary
He saves little girlies from sin
He111 save you a blonde for five dollars
Ify God how the money rolls
I-y uncle, paints real frenchy postcards
l*y auntie she poses for him
Her costume cost nary a penny
2-y God how the money rolls in
I tried making all kinds of whiskey
I tried making all kinds of gin
I tried making love for a living
i'ijr God the condition I'm in
Chorus:
Sin, sin, sin, sin, my God the condition I'm in, I'm in
Sin, sin, sin, sin, ry God how the money rolls in
My father he died in the bathtub
% mother she died in the gin
% sister she married by brother
'M GOD WHAT A HESS I'M IN
BALL OF YARN
37#
Twas a sunny day in June all the flowers were in bloom.
The birds were singing gaily on the farm
'when I spied a maiden fair and I said unto her there
Let me wind up your little ball of yarn
She said sir can't you see you're a stranger to me
But follow me out behind the barn
There's a shady little nook beside the babbling brook
Where you can wind up ray little ball of yarn
how young man take my advice never sta> out late at night
And you'll never lose your cherry or your charm
Be like the bluebird and the robin keep your little P from bobbin1
And you'll never wind up that little ball of yarn
NICKEL ON THE GRASS
40#
Chorus: Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Throw a nickel on the grass
Save a fighter pilot1s ass,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Throw a nickel on the grass
And you1!! be saved.
Lying in the gutter
With a belly full of beer
Pretzies in my whiskers
I knew the end was near
Then came this glorious AirForce
To save me from the hearse
Everybody bust a gut
and sing the second verse
Cruising down the I-fekong
Doing 650 per
When I called my leader%
,f0h, won't you save me Sir?"
Two flak holes- in ray wing
Vsy tanks ain't got no gas
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday
I got six MIGs on my assilit
I went into my bomb ran
I went too God Damn low.
I punched the pickle button
Let all those babies go
I sucked the stick back in ioy gut
And hit a high speed stall
Now I won!t see mother
when the work!s all done this fall
I barrelled in for' CBUs
I judged it far too slow
The God Damn flak was all around
I heard a thump below
I shoved the throttle to the wall
The fire light came on
I cursed and swore, it helped no more
Scratch one Republic bomb
I flew my traffic pattern
To me it looked allright
Vy airspeed read .130
tfcr God I racked it tight
The airframe gave a shudder
The engine gave a wheeze
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday
Spin instructions please
I flew my cross-wind landing
Ky left wing hit the ground
I heard a call, from mobile
"Full up and go around"
I yanked that fighter in the air
A dozen feet or more
The engine quit, I almost shit
ThA MAT r»j3TTiA thremcrh tha f*1 aot*
I LOVE iff GIRL
41
I love my girl yes I do deed I do
I love her truly
I love the hole that she pisses through
I love her tits tiddly tits tiddly tits
Arid her nut brown ass hole
Ifd eat her shit gobble gobble slurp slurp
with a wooden spoon
ROLL YOUR LEff OVER 42#
Oh if all little girls were like fish in the ocean
And I were a whale I would teach them emotion
Chorus: Oh roll your leg over, Oh roll your leg over
Oh roll your leg over the man ip the moon
Oh, if all little girls were like bells in the tower
And 1 were a clapper Ifd bang by the hour
Oh, if all little girls were like fish in the river
And I were a sandbar I!d sure make them quiver
Oh, if all little girls were like sheep in the pasture
And I were a ran I'm make them run faster
Oh, if all little girls were like little white rabbits
And I were a hare I would teach them bad habits
Oh, if all little girls were like little red vixens
And I were a fox I surely would,fix !em
Oh, if all little girls were like Hedy Lamarr
I!d try twice lias hard and get twice as far
Oh, if all little girls were like cows in the clover
And I were a bull I "would chase them all over
Oh, if all little girls were like little white flowers
And I was a bee I would buzz them for hours
Oh, if all little girls were like little white chickens
And I was a rooster Ifd give them the dickens
Oh, if all little girls were like little old turtles
And I was a turtle Ifd get in their girdles
Oh, if all little girls were like Gyy>sy Rose Lee
And I were her G-string oh boy what I!d see
Oh, if aU little girls were like nurses who would
And I were a doctor I would if I could
Oh, if all little girls were like bricks in a pile
And I were a mason ITd lay them in style
°h, I wish that all girls were like fish in a pool
And I were a chap with a waterproof tool
WuODFgCKERS 3QNG Tone: Dixie 43.
Oh, I stuck my finger in a woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said God bless my soul
Take it out, take it out, take it cut, remove it
So, I removed my finger from the woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said God bless my soul
Put it back, put it back, put it back, replace it
I replaced my finger in the woodpeckers hole
The wood pecker said God bless My soul
Turn it around, turn it around, turn it around, revolve it
I revolved my finger in the woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said God bless my soul
In and out, in and out, in and out, reciprocate it
I reciprocated my finger in the woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said God bless my soul
Pull it out, pull it out, pull it out, retract-it
I retracted my finger from the woodpeckers' hole
And the woodpecker said God bless my soul
Take a smell, take a smell, take a smell, revolting
SHOW HE THE WAY TO GO HOI-IE
44.
Show me the way to go home
I?m tired and I want to go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it went right to my head
Wherever I may roam
On land or sea or foam
You will always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to go home
Indicate the way to my abode
I'm fatigued and I want to retire
I had a spot of beverage sixty minutes ago
And it went right to my cerebeelum
Wherever I may perambulate
On land or sea or atmospheric vapor
You can always hear me crooning this melody
Indicate the way to my abode
THE SCOTCH WEDDIKG
l$m
Prelude: There was a ball a bloody great ball, the ball ofhorrie Muir
Four and twenty prostitutes shaggin on the moor
Oh the king was in his counting house, counting out his wealth
The queen was in the bedroom, playing with herself
Chorus: Singing Ifll do ye this time, I!ll dee it noo
The mon that did it last night, could na do it noo
Oh the bride was in the bedroom, explaining to the groom
The vagina not the rectum, is the entrance to the womb
Oh the par soils wife she was there, seated down in front
A wreath of roses round her neck, a carrot up her cunt
Oh the village parson he was there, and very surprised to see
four and twenty maidenheads hanging from-a tree
Oh the parsonb daughter she was there; she had them all in fits
Diving off the mantlepiece, and landing on her tits
They were fucking in the haylofts, fucking in the oats
Some were fucking sheep and some were fucking goats
They were fucking .in the barley, fucking in the ricks
lou couldnft hear the music for the slushing of the pricks
Oh the village blacksmith, he was there, his hammer and his awls
Talking to the queen and showing off his balls
They were fucking in the parlors, fucking on the stairs
lou couldnft see the carpets for the come and curly hairs
The village idiot he was there, a making like a fool
Pulling his foreskin over his head and whistling through his tool'
Plowman Jock he was there, the bugger wouldn't dance
Sitting with a hard on, and waiting for his chance
The firey Colonel he was there, held fit amongst the Boers
He jumped upon the table and shouted for the whores
The village cripple he was there, he couldna do ver much
So he laid them on the carpet, and he fucked them with his crutch
"The, chimney sweep and he was there, we had to put him oot
For every, time *he farted, he filled the room with soot
The village postman he was there, he had a dose of pox
He couldna fuck his lassie so he fucked the letter box
And when the ball was over, and the folks went home to rest
They said they enjoyed the music, but the fucking was the best
SALOME
I46.
Down our street, we had a merry party
Lverybody there was oh so gay and hearty
Talk about a treat, we at§ all the meat
And we drank all the beer
In the boozer down the street
There was old Uncle Joe, fair fucked up
We locked him In the cellar with the ol,d bull pup
Little sonny Jin, tried to get it in
With his ass hole winking at the moon
Ch Salome, Salome
You should see Salome
Standing there,, with her ass all bare
Waiting for someone to slide it in there
To slide it, and glide it
Right up her fucking chute
Two brass balls and a prick of steel
And a foreskin, full of shit
She's a big fat cow, twice the size of me
Hairs on her belly like the branches of a tree
She can jump, fight, fuck
Wheel a barrow, push a truck
That's ny girl, Salome
On i-jonday night, she takes it up the back
On Tuesday night, she takes in all the slack
On Wednesday night, she has a spell
On Thursday night, she fucks like hell
On Friday night, she takes it up her nose
In between her fingers and down between her toes
And she goes to church on Sunday
She just wants me for a sunbeam
And a Fucking fine sunbeam I'll be.
ASS HOLES ARE CHEAP TODAY hi.
Ass holes are cheap today
Cheaper than yesterday
Little boys cost half a crown
Standing up or lying down
Larger boys cost seven and six
Cause they take bigger pricks
Ass holes are cheap
Are cheap today
O'PEILLIY'3 DAJOIIT^R
"".....'.....-------~--- 18,
As I was sitting at 0*Reilley' s bar
•Listening to tales of blood and slaughter
Game a thought into kqt mind
Why not shag 0*Reilley'3 daughter
Chorus; .Fiddley-I-E Fiddley-I-0
Fiddiey-I-2 for the one ball Reilley
Rub by dub dub 'jig balls and all
Rub by dub dub .shag on
I grabbed that she bitch by the hair
Then I threw my left leg over
Shagged and shagged and shagged some more
Shagged and shagged til the fun was over
There came a knock upon ray door.
Who should it be but her God-damn father
Two horse pistols by his side
Looking for the roan who shagged his daughter
I grabbed that bastard by the hair
Shoved his head in a pail of water
Shoved those pistols up his ass
A damn sight farther tiian I shagged his daughter
i-tow as I go walking down the street
People shout from every corner
There goes the dirty son-of-a-bitch
The one who shagged 01Reilley1s daughter.
CHARLIE WENT A-RJNNING **?•
Charlie won't fight !nT I don't care uh hula
Charlie won't fight 'n' I don't care uh huh
Charlie won't fight 'n' I don't care
I think he's running off somewhere, uh huh, uh hull, uh hula.
He sneaked up to my front door, uh huh
He sneaked up to my front door, uh huh
He -sneaked up- to my front door
He didn't knock he left a claymore, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh*
Old Charlie's got some mortar shells, uh huh
Cld Charlie's got some mortar shells uh huh
Old Charlie's got some mortar shells
I hope he blows himself to hell, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
Charlie's living underground, uh huh
Charlie's living underground, uh huh
Charlie's living underground
When the monsoon comes I hope he drowns, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
F-U SERENADE $Q9
I'd rather be a pimple on a syphiletic whore
Than a back seat driver on an old F-H
CHORUS: Don't put me in an F-Uc, ^c
Donft put me in an F-Uc
I'd rather be a hair on a swollen womb
than be a pilot of an old phan-tomb
Ifd rather be a pimple on a dirty ccck
Than to be a F-k jock
I'd rather be a bloody scab
than to fly a plane with a bent up slab
I'd rather be a rotten bum
Than to fly a plane without a gun
I'd rather be a piss in a bottle
than to fly a plane with more than one throttle
I'd rather be a peckerless man
than to fly a bent up garbage can
I'd rather be most anything
than to fly a plane with a folding wing
I'd rather give up all my cheaten1 ,
than to fly a plane with a rotten beacon
How much lower can you stoop
than to want to fly a droop
WE don't know they stay alive
flying something heavier than a 105
Just remember you phantom flier
you,have twice the chance for fire
We got one engine, you got two>
as a word of parting,--------------------you.
PH PIP THE FEATHERS AWAY $1.
OH rip the feathers away away
OH rip the feathers away
OH the ass of a duck
Makes a wonderful fuck
If you rip the feath_ers away
THE CANDLE SONG £2#
All the nice girls love a candle
Cause a candle has a wick
And there fs something about a candle
That reminds them of a prick
Nice and greasy, slips in easy-
It's the maidens1 pride and joy
You can hear them sing and shout
As they pop it in and out
Ship Ahoy J Ship Ahqy!
FORTY FIGHTERS $3 m
We fly our fucking fighters at forty fucking feet
We fly our fucking fighters through the rain and snow and sleet
And though we think we're flying south
Wefre flying fucking north
And we make our fucking landfall on the firth of fucking forth
Chorus: Glory, Glory, Hallelluia, Glory, Glory-, Halleluia
Glory, Glory, Hailelluia, (insert last line each verse)
We fly those fucking fighters at fuck all of forty feet
We fly those fucking fighters through the trees and corn and wheat
And though we think we fly with skill
We fly with fucking luck
But donft give a fucking damn or care a fucking fuck
We. fly those fucking fighters at forty fucking feet
We fly those fucking fighters through the rain and snow and sleet
And though we think we're flying up
We're flying fucking down
And we bust our fucking asses when we hit the fucking ground
KATHUSELEM $lm
In ancient days there lived a maid
Who used to ply a filthy trade
A prostitute of ill repute
The harlot of Jeruselem
Chorus: Hi Ho Kathuselem the harlot of Jeruselem
HI Ho Kathuselem the daughter of the^Rabbi
Kathuselemfs snatch was bold and bare
Upon her gash there grew no hair
For hair won't grow on a thoroughfare
Like the snatch of old Kathuselem
Kathuselem's cunt was round and red
For forty years it had not bled
It smelled as though it had been dead
Since the founding of Jeruselem
(Continued)
K.ATHUSELEM (Continued)
Now Kat-buselem was a wiley witch
A god darnn rucking son of a bitch
And every pecker that bed the itch
Had dangled in Kabhuselen
Next door there lived a friant tall
His prick of steel could smash a wall
His bp.lls hung dawn like basketballs
The g.i.u.t of old Jeruselern
One ni'yib returning from a spree
A c:ii t e eons itrt eat jubilee
"fi:- bells hung well below his knee
be chanced to cross Kathuselem
And go he challenged her to fuck
And wishing her the best of luck
Thr led her to a nhaciy no oh
;ind tb ere unfurled hie> rro^hty hook
He lei her to a shedv rojf"
And there unfurled ;v--.: i;-i ;•.,;• ly hcol;
For ^orty yarde it- ?.i■-.••;if-w-..-] prd nho'b
'The wallc of o1.;: Je.— *:-•■ "■ ■ ■•■
.'">.-•" cor.keo ht., v ,:ic:-;\ r ■.. }. ^<:-r a fa.-!;
f;:.: r»io: bjr i?:,o > << -;;, ch-1;.
Irr/•!,•;.! ;:ho wj"L.].-. r-' ■;-u ,-. :*;\:, I ■■
.An:. I,;:.'V;v. ^ orn -^e ■ ■ a' <: - •■ -j bev «,o.
/0,1 \cr *he \ .I"-, -• ;>----- .■.»/ r,
'be -"-re-,, th?y ni'! r"rc ■'n ;/:o .»«>y
ih> cu.lain ho ;i'i^ 'iu Hu ^j^ ■
it V—'f i;o a rann bit f-^o^r
K'i\ .' t- ;na-:-^ ib-- olo ■ ab a: j / b ,'■ r
' V|e'0;.3 : »'Jin«?'.?Lp ■.-ov -. \v i^:>i\" - 'v' efv A •
lom.ly rlb^lv f
It dor. rf cro :.'. d^rr '.:>it fei.-^er
But it nieke.- th<. ; ". n I-j-Vii : f-: ha;
THE CAMEL (Continued)
The sexual life of a camel
Is greater than anyone thinks
In moments of amorous passion ,
He often makes love to the Sphinx
Now the Sphinx's posterior organs
Are blocked by the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile
E :d!, aust ive exp eriment ation
I:y Darwin and Huxley and Hall
.Has proved that the ass of a hedgehog
Can hardly be buggered at all
Oil why don't the boys down at Harvaid
Do like the boys down at Yale
They pull all the quills from the hedgehog
,:'o it's easy to ^rab by the tail
Here's to. the gIT,ls of North Adams
And here's to tlv- street? that they ream.
Arid here's to their dirty- face has tar dr.
God bless thci they n;ay be our own
Here's to old fort Massachusetts
And here's to the old MolniVk trail
And here's to thcie Indiain maidens
They gave us our first piece of tail
POOR KIT H0KE3T- $6.
Oh she was poor cut she was honest
The victim of a rich man's whim
When she met that southern gentleman-—Leo Daniels
And she had a child by him
Nov/, he sits in the governor's mansion
Making laws for all' mankind
While she walks the streets of Austin—Austin, Texas
Selling chunks of her behind
l'trs the rich what; beta the glory
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the same the whole world over*—Over, Over
Now ain?t that a goddamn shame
SHIT HOT FROM KQRAT 57 #
When this base opened and all things were-new,
The jocks had a need for somebody to screw,
When up jumped'this girl and said, nFor five baht,
I'm Chum Chim the whore; I'm shit hot from Korat ♦M
(Continued)
SHIT HOT FROM KORAT (Continued)
Chorus : It was Chum Chim the vhore from Korat
Chum Chim the jocks screwed a lot
It was Chum Chim the whore from Korat
Chum Chin the whore from Korat that's shit shit hot
Standing or sitting she's good any way,
That's what the jocks from Korat always say,
They can't understand why her crotch doesn't rot
Chtan Chim the vhore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus :
A very young jock who first opened c.er box
Became her pimp end later got shot,
But still couldn't tie the marital knot.
To Chum Chim the whore thatfs shit hot from Korat
Chorus:
She's good in a hammock; she's better in bed
That's what the jocks from Kadena have said,
Some left their wives, believe it or not,
For Chum Chim the vhore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus:
She was a jewel to the pilots from TAG,
When they had the honor to lay in her rack,
They* 11 always remember that little Thai tvat of
Chum Chim the vhore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus ;
With F-U crews she never had trouble,
Once she had learned to take them on double,
Though it was daylight it bothered her not
Chum Chim the whore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus:
When she met the Weasels she sure had the knack,
One in the front and the other in bade,
She liked this arrangement as it doubled her Baht,
Chum Chim the whore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus :
She!s sweeter than candy and nicer than spice
All jocks agree shehs especially nice,
They all idolize this girl they adore,
This hard fuckin', cock sucking lesbian whore
SING US ANOTHER ONE 10
--------------------------------58.
There was a young man from Boston
Who traded his car for an Austin
There vas room for his ass and a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost lem
Chorus: That vas a very fine song
Sing.us another one
Just like the other one
Sing us another one, do
There vas a young man from Dundee
w>.o buggered an ape in a tree
The result vas most horrid, all as- and no forehead
Three balls and a purple goatee
There vas a young man from Kildair
Who buggered his girl on the stairs
The bannister broke, he doubled-his stroke
And'finished, her off in mid air
There vas a young nue.er from Khartuom
Who took a young lesbian to his room
They argued all mglrt, as bo who had the right
To do what., with which, and to whom
There vas 8 proi'^csor from the Mall
Who possessed a cylindrical ball
The cube root of il's weight, plus his penis, plus eight
Was one half of two thirds of fuck all
There vas a young girl from St. Paul
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball
Her dress caught on fire, and burned her entire
Front page, sports section and all
There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back, and tickled her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling
There vas a young man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin, as he viped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it
There once was a young men fro Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble, he put it in double
And instead of coming, he went
There once was a man of class
Whose balls were made of brass
When they swung together, they played stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass
(continued)
SING US ANOTHER ONE DO (continued)
There once was a girl from France
Who boarded a train by chance
The engineer fucked her, and so'd the conductor
And the brakemen vent off in his pants
There once was a man from Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
The heat of his prink, turned the clay into brick
And rubbed a31 his foreskin away
There once was a girl named Gail
Between her tits was the price of her tail
And on her behind, for the sake of the blind
Wc3 the same information in braijie
There was a young bishop from Birmingham
Who diddled the nuns while ccnfirmin* rem
He brought them indoors , slipped dcwn their drawers
tad slipped his ■■Episcopal worm in 'em
There was a yo-mg man from Brock
Who tied a violin string to his cock
With just one election, he could play a selection
From Johann Sebastian Bach
Tber? was a young J ady from Bans cm
Who had it three times in a hansom
When she cried for more, a voice from the floor
Cried my neme is fimpscn, not Sampson
There was a young man from Sparta
Who was the'worlds champion farter
On the strength of one bean, he played God Save the Queen
And Beethoven fs Moonlight Sonata
There once was a mr.ii from Rangoon
Who was born, by the light of the moon
He had not the luck, to be born by a fuck
But was a wet Ore am scooped up in a spoon
Tliere once was a boy from Baclaridge
And he v.ir. his ir-r^nts ' disparage
;'.• sucked off hvj brother, and went down on his mother
. vi ate up his sister's miscarriage
There once was a pilot from K>2
Wno buggered a- (;*"^- down in Taegu
He said to the Doc, a;, he handed him his cock
Will I lose both my testicles too
There once was man from Trieste
Who loved his wife with a zest
Despite all her howls , he sucked out her bowels
And deposited the mess on her breast
SING US ANOTHER ONE DO tccntinuedl
In the garden of Eden sat Adana
With his hand on the butt of his madam
He chuckled with mirth, for he knev on thJLs earth-
There were only two halls and he had ?em
There vas an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead vhore in his cave
He said I Ml admit, I hn a hit of a shit
But think of the idouey I save
Hi ere once was a girl named .Alice
\lho used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina, in South Carolina
*ici a piece of her hymen in Dallas
An Argentine C-^ucho naned Bruno
Said fucking is onv thing I do know
All women are fine.* and sheep are divine
But llamas are nume ro uno
There was a younr. man from New Brighton
\\ho said my dear you've a tight one
Said she pon ny sou J , you have the wrong, hole
Tt-Qo the one up ' r. front that's the right one
There was a rnaii t'rrvo? St J^m^s
Who played most umcvial games
He lit a match',, to his grandmothers snatch
And laughed ar> che pissed through the flames
There one*) vac? a rcn named KcGruder
Who wooed a nude in Berauder
Mow the nude thomrht it crude, to be wooed in the nude
But McGruder was cruder, he screwed her
There was a young man from Kieth
Who skinned back pricks with his teeth
It vasnft for pleasure, he adopted the measure
But for cheese he found underneath
There was a young man from Nottingham
Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham
Just watching t)n ;tunts, of the cunts and the punts
And the tricks of the pricks that were fuckingham
There once was a girl frora the Azores
Whose cunt was' all covered with sores
The dogs in the street, would not eat th- green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers
There was a young girl from Peru
Who said as the Bishop withdrew
The Vicar is quicker, he's also a licker
And considerably thicker than you
— • - ~V--^y priest frora Dundee
*\ . -.1.; Pax Wo /Siscum, I canrt make the piss come
1 _. -3 I've got CXU?
SING US ANOTHER ONE DO (continued)
There was a young priest from Dundee
Who went to the garden to pee
He said Pax Wo Biscum, I can*t make the piss come
I guess I've got CLAP
There was a young girl named Ifyrtle
Who was raped on the beach by a turtle
The results of the fuck, was two eggs and a duck
Which proved that the turtle was fertile
There was a young lady from Twilling
Who went to the dentist for a drilling
But because of depravity, he filled the wrong cavity
And now she's nursing her filling
THE TINKER
59,
The lady of the mansion was dressing for a ball
When she spied a tinker, pissing up Against the wall
Chorus?
With his great big kidney wiper and balls a big as three
And a yard and a half of foreskin hanging down below his knee*
The lady wrote a letter and in it she did say,
Ifd rather be fucked by the tinker than my husnand any day
Oh the tinker got the letter and when it he did read
Ills balls slung o'er his shoulder and his penis by his side
Oh, he rode up to the mansion, he rode up to the hall
Gor Blyme said the butler, he has cone to fuck us all
Oh, he fucked them in the parlor, he fucked them in the beds,
Lord save us, cried the chambermaids, we>Tve lost our maidenheads
Oh, he fucked the iXachess standing, he fucked her against the wall
But when he fucked the butler twas the dirtiest trick of all
Oh, he rode out from the mansion, he ro4e into the street
With little drops of semen pattering at his feet
Oh, the tinkers <\eid and buried, I'll bet he!.s gone to hell
He said hefd fuel: the devil and Irll bet he* 3 done vell»
BESIDE A KOREAN WATERFALL ' 60#
Beside a Korean waterfall, one bright and sunny day
Beside his shattered Saber jet, a young pursuiter lay
His parachute hung from a nearby tree, he was not yet quite dead
So listen to the very last words this young pursuiter said
I'm going to a better land where everything is bright
Where whiskey flows from telephone poles'
Play poker every night
We haven't got a thing to do but sit around and sing
And all our crews are women, oh death where is thy sting?
Oh death where is thy sting, ting-a-ling
Oh death where is.thy sting
The bells of hell may ring, ting-a-ling
For you but not for me
Oh, ting-a-ling-ling-ling, blow it out your ass
Ting-a-ling-a-ling-ling, blow it out your ass
Ting-a-ling-a-ling-ling, blow it out your ass
Better days arecoraing by and by*
TIE MY ROOT AROUND A TREE Tone: Chisolm Trail &•
lleached in my pocket, pulled out a penny
She said boy you can't have any
Chorus: Come and tie my root around a tree, round a tree
Come and tie ray root around a tree
Reached in my pocket* pulled out a nickel
She said for that you don't even get a tickle
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a dine
She said young nan you're wasting your time
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a quarter
She said young man I'm a preachers daughter
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a half
She said young man you make ne laugh
Reached in my pocket, pulled out six bits
All she did was wiggle her tits
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a buck
She said young nan you've bought a fuck-
Took her to the kitchen, laid her on the sink
Oh my God how her pussy did stink
Fucked hor- sittin1, fucked her lyin'
If I'd had wings I'd a fuckod her flying
I awoke In the morning, and guess what I saw
fifteen crabs and a big blue ball
I went to a doctor, cause my pecker was sore
Ity God said the doctor you've been taken by a whore
And now you can see, I'm a peckerless man
I fuck 'era with my finger and fool 'em when I can
How the last time I saw her, and I havenlt seen her since
She was jacking off a doggie through a barbed wire fence
THE LITTLE BIRD
~----------- 620
There once was a little bird, no bigger than a turd
A sittin1 on a'telegraph pole
He stuck out his neck and he shit about a peck
As he puckered up his little asshole
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
As he puckered up his little asshole.
DO YOUR BALLS HAHG LOW Tune: March of the Toy Soldiers63*
Do your balls hang low, do they swing to and fro
Can you tie them in a knot can you tie reia in a boy
Can you throw them o!er your shoulder like a European soldier
Do your balls hang low
In days of old when knights were bold,
They shit right in their britches
They wiped their ass with broken glass
Those tough old sons~of-feitches»
In days of old when knights were bold,
And woman wore mere trifles
They hung their balls upon the walls,
And- shot them down with rifles.
In days of old when knights were bold,
And women weren't particular.
They binded them up against the wall,
And fucked them perpendicularc
In days of old when knights were bold,
They wore all lea.ther britches.
They beat their pricks with hickory sticks
And yelled like sons-of-bitches,
FALSIES IN BRASSES Tune: Coffee in Brazil ^
There's nothing can be better than a girl that wears a sweater
Though she may not be as big as she appears
They've got an awful lot of falsies in brassieres
Pier pulmonary muscles may resemble Janie Russells
And she'll say she got that way from drinking beers
They've got an awful lot of falsies in brassieres
So round-—go firm-—and so fully packed
You'll find it's really just an act
Give a girl a Bali bra and she will grow*—grow—grow
i'iow I've made a careful study with the help of my best buddy
And a hundred thousand women volunteers
They've got an awful lot of falsies in brassieres
So fellows 'fore you wed her, please investigate her sweater
Or you'll find your honeymoon will end in tears
They've got an awful lot of falsies in brassieres.
THE LADY IN RED
6$.
fTwas a cold winter's evening, the guests were all leaving
O'Leary was closing the bar
When he turned and he waid to the lady in red
ftGot out, you can't stay where you are11
She wept a sad tear in her bucket of beer
As she thought of the cold night ahead
When a gentleman dapper stepped out of the crapper
And these are the words that he said:
Her mother never told her
The tilings a young girl should know
About the ways ox Air Force men
And how they cone and go, mostly go....*
Nov* age lias taken, her beauty
And sin has left its sad scar
So remember your mothers and sisters,boys
And let her sleep under the bar»
Oh the first port of call it was Heliis, liellis
Where the girls wouldn't screw so they tell us, tell us
Chorus: Three dollars you pay for a bang up each way
And a tune on a Spanish guitar, piink, plink, plink
Sirgirr; ill-~iggy~zxggy fuck a little piggy sideways
Swi;^h svash
tiy idoa o;C 3 woman is a big fat whoro
Shit-bung, fuck-stick
Three dollars you pay for a bang up each way
And a tune on a Spanish. Guitar
Oh the next port of call it was Travis,' Travis
Where we told the rn.rls they could have us, have us
Oh the next port of call it was Clark, Clark
Where the women went down in the park, park
Oh the next port of call it was Osan, Osan
Where the girl they would do it for two'won, two won
Oh the next port of call it was Korat Korat
Where the girls let us have it for two bhat, two bhat
Oh the next port of call it was T&khli, Taklhi
Where the girlies would do it for free, for free0
Pint lum
6?#
Our baby died last night,
She died of suicide
I think she died to spite us
Of spinal meningitis,
She was a nasty baby anyhow,
We ate her-—YUM YUMi i!
HORSE SHIT
68♦
There was a pilot of great renown
There was a pilot of great renown
There was a pilot of great renown
Until he fucked a girl from our town-
Fucked a girl from our town—
Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, Horse Shit
He laid her in a feather bed
He laid.her in a feather bed
He laid her in a feather bed
And then he twisted out her maidenhead
Twisted out her maidenhead—
Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, Horse Shit
He laid her on a winding stair
He laid her on a winding stair
He laid her on a winding stair
And-thcn-he shoved it in clear.up to there—
Shoved it in cloar up to there—
Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, Horse Shit
He laid her -down beside a stump
He laid her down beside a stump
He laid her down beside a- stump
And-then-he missed her cunt and split the stump—
Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, Horse Shit
He laid her down beside -a pond
He'laid her down beside a pond
He laid her down beside a pond
And-then-he fucked her with his magic wand
Fucked her with his magic wand--
Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, Horse Shit
He laid her on the dewey grass
He laid her on the dewey grass
He laid'her on the dewey grass
And-then-he shoved the old boy up her ass
Shoved the old boy up her ass—-
Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, Horse Shit
He took her to the countryside
He tcok her to the countryside
He took her to the countryside
And-then-he fucked the girl until she died
.Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, Horse Shit
he took her to the Burial Ground
He took her to the Burial Ground
He took her to the Burial Ground
And-then-he thought he'd have another round
Thought he'd have another round
Ha Ha Ha, Ho Ho Ho, ------ Horse Shit, Horse Shit
SAMMY SMALL
6?#
Oh, my name is Sammy Small, Fuck1 em all
Oh, my name is Sammy Small, Fuck1em all
Oh, my name is Sammy Small, and Ifve only got one ball
But that's better than none at all, so fuck them all
Oh, they say I killed a man dead, fuck*em all
Oh, they say I killed a man dead, fuck1 em all
Oh, they say I killed a man deads with a fucking piece of lead
Now the silly fucker5s dead, so fuck them all
Oh,, they say Ifve got to swing, fuckf em *&U
Oh, they say I've got to swing, fuck1em all
Oh, they say Ifve got to swing, from a fucking piece of string
What a silly fucking thing, so fuck them all
Oh, they say I greased the rope, fuck!em all
Oh, they say I greased the rope, fuck1em ell
Oh, they say I pressed the rope, from a fucking bar of soap
What a silly lucking joke, so fuck them all
Oh, the parson he will come, fuck1em all
Oh, the parson hs vi.13 come, fuck'em all
Oh, the parson ho will come, with his tales of kingdom coma
He can shove thera up his bung, so fuck them all
Oh, tne hangman woars a mask, fuck1em all
Oh, the hangman ware a mask, fuck1 em all
Oh, the hangman wears a mask, for hiss silly fucking task
What a silly fucking ass, so fuck them all
Oh, the sheriff will be there too, fuck1em all
Oh, the sheriff will be there too, fuck1em all
Oh, the sheriff will be there too, with his silly fucking crew
They have fuck all else to do, so fuck them all
I see Molly in the crowd, fuckfem all
I see Molly in the crowd, fuck1.em all
I see Molly in the crowd, and I feel so fucking proud
That Ism shouting right out loud:
OH, FUCK'EM ALL
SAMMY SMALL (S.E.A. STYLE) TUNE: Sammy Small ?°"
Oh come fround us fighter pilots, Fuck1em all
Oh coma 'round us fighter pilots, Fuck1em all
Oh we fly the Oca Damn plane
Through the flack rod through the rain
And tomorrow we! 3.1 ro it again
So fuck1em all
Oh they tell us not to think, Fuck1 em all
Oh they tell us net to think, Fuck1 em all
Oh they tell us not to think, Just to dive and just to jink
L*B.j/fs a Gcd Drum fink, So fuck*em all
Oh wc bombed Kurria Pass, Fuck1 em all
Oh we bombed Kugin Pass, Fuck1em all
Oh we bombed Hugii Pass, Though we only made one pass
They really stack it up our ass, So fuck1 em all
Oh we1 re on 3 J*C<S0? Fuck1 em all
Oh we*re on a J«C*Sn, Fuck1 em all
Oh they sent the whole damn wing, Probably half of us will sing
What a silly fucking thing, So fuck1 em all
Oh we lost our fucking way* Fuck1 em all
Oh we lost our f\r;king way, Fuck * em all
Oh we straffed CM Dcmn Hanoi, Killed every fucking girl arri boy
What a God Damn I'ueking Joy, So fuck1 em all
Oh my bird got all shot up, Fuck1 em all
Oh my bird got all shot up, Fuck1 em all
Oh my bird it 0x6 ret shot. And I'll probably cry a lot
But I think that it's Shit Hot, So fuck'em all
While I'm swinging dn my chute, Fuck1 em all
While I!m swinging in my chute, Fuck1em all
While I!m swinging in my chute, Comes this silly fucking toot
And hangs a medal en my root, So fuck1em all
TIKG-A-LIX
71 •
Beside a Thailand waterfall
One bright and sunny day
Beside his shattered Thunderchief
A young pursuitor lay
His parachute hung from a nearby tree
He was not yet quite dead
So listen to the very last words
This young pursuitor said:
I!m going to a better land
Where everything is right
Where T/hiskey 'flows frora telegraph poles
There's poker every night
There1s not a fucking thing to do
But sit around and sing
Where girls are really women
Oh, death where Is thy sting
Oh, death where is thy sting-^a-ling-a-ling
Oh, death where is thy sting
The bolls of hell w*Al ring-a-lingua-ling
For you but not for no,»«.....*•• so;
Ting-«a-ling«-a-l?.nc- ling blow it out your ass
Ting-a-ling-o-lir:g-ling, blow it out your ass
Ting-a-ling-^a-linc-Iing, blow it out your ass
Better days are coming by and byl
Wg„ALl;:__M^Y BE DEAD TOMORROW ??♦
We all may be dead tomorrow
Ho one gives a chit but our wives
So., lets drink and get royally plastered
And enjoy what we can of our lives*
STAY WITH......GO J Tunes Dashing Through the Snow 73 #
The game was played on Sunday in Heaverfs own backyard
With Jesus playing quarterback and Lbses playing guard
The angels In the bleachers my God how they did yell
When Jesus nw.de a touchdown against the boys from hell
Chorus: Tune: f0h, Them Golden Slippers1
Stay with God, Oh Lordy, stay with God, Oh Lordy
Jesus on the one yard line, Moses doin1 very fine
Stay with God, Oh Lordy, stay with God, Oh lordy
Rock1 em, sock1 em, Jesus Knock?em stay with God.
I SAW MR SNATCH
7ii •
I saw her "snatch" her satchel from the window
I held her for a moment in the rain
I kissed her "as" she hurried to the station
To see her brother "Jack off" on the train*
i-lARY AMI B-tUU;S
75.
Mary Ann Burns is the queen of all the acrobats
She can do tricks that will give a nan the shits
Roll green peas up her fundamental orifice
Do a double back flip, catch*em on her tits
Shefs a great big son-of-a-bitch twice the size of me
With hair around her ass like the branches on a tree
She can SHIT, FART, FIGHT, FUCK, ROLL A BARREL, DRIVE A TRUCK
tsxy Ann Burns is the girl for me.
NO BALLS AT ALL
_____
?6^
There once was' a girl named Sara jMcFox
With hair on her chest and cheese in her box
She married a roan named Patrick KcCall
With a very short peter and no balls at all
Chrous: lto balls at all
No balls at all
A very short peter and no balls at all
The very first night that they were wed
They took all their clothes and went straight to bod
She reached for his pecker, it was very small
She reached for his balls,, he had no balls at all
how mother ctear .mother oh what shall I doV
I?ve rnarrled a n-iu who never can screw
I reached for hin pecker, it was very small
I reached for his balls, he had no balls at all
Oh daughter dear, daughter donft be sad
It was the same trouble I had with your dad
The daughter went home, took her mothers advice
And found the results most exceedingly nice
A bouncing young baby was born in, the fall
To the wife of a nun who had no balls at alio
lE&LY JARLTJG
77#
Oh your ass is like a stovepipe Welly Darling
And the nipples on your tits are turning'green
There%s an odor of blue ointment round your pussy
You are the ugliest bitch that I have ever seen
There?s a yard of lint protruding from your navel
And when you piss you piss a stream as green as grass
There's enough wax in your ears to make a candle
So kindly make one dear and shove it up your ass
THE BALLS 0/ O'LSARY Tune: The Bells of St. Mary 78♦
The Balls of 0-< Lenry
Are wrinkled and hairy
They're shapely and stately
Like the Dome of St, Paul
The women all mister
To see that great cluster
They stand and they stare
At that hairy groat pair
Of O'Leary's Balls
MalJiME. TSme} Finicule-Finecula 79 •
Last night I stayed up late to masturbate
It felt so good—I knew it would
Last night I stayed up late to beat my meat
It felt so nice—Idid it twice
You should roaliy see me on the short strokesj
It feels so grands I use rny hand
You must really c;a!:cn me on the long strokes
It feels so n?.:\t, 1 use ray feet
Shale e it, breaJ' V., beat it on the floor-
Smash it, bash -;t; rhrust it through the door
Some people se-i; x*.- think that fucking*s grand
But for all ar'.!1*'.! enjoyment I prefer to use rny hand,
gIXT£.-:N .TILES Tune: Sixteen Tons 80,
Some people say a man is made out of fear,
But a fighter pilot's made out of whiskey and beer
Whiskey and beer? rum and gin^
If you fly the vector you1 re sure to spin in.
Chorus:
You fly sixteen times, whatd1 you get,
Another day o.l r^r and your weapon is benU
Col,__________ don't you call me, I'm weak and lame
I lost my ass ir\ a poker game6
I awoke one morning when the sun didn't shine,
Got my 'chute and went down to the line
Down to the line to fly the fldH
But it was raining so hard I couldn't see*
I scrambled one morning with blood in my eye,
I'd had my fill of Overholt Rye
Shot sixteen holes in a T33
They're going to hang my ass from a coconut tree*
When you see me comin1 better break to the right
'Cause the _____ fighter's had a party last night
i-]y eyeballs are red an' I'm mean as a bear,
Believe pe bandits better clear the air©
__ADELINE SCHrJUT
81.
There once was a maiden named Adeline Schmidt
She went to the doctor cause she couldn't shit
He gave her some medicine all wrapped up in glass
Up went the window and out went her ass
Chorus; It v;as brown, brown shit falling down
Brown, Brown shit all around
It was brown, brown shit falling down
Covered all over with SHIT, SHIT, SHIT SHIT
A handsome young copper v/as walking his beat
He happened to be on that side of the street
He looked up so bashful, He looked up so shy
And a great gob of shit hit him right in the eye
The handsome young copper, he cursed and he swore
h> .called that young maiden a dirty old whore
'Neath LDndon bridge he xs now forced to sit
With a sign round his neck saying blinded by shit
I'VE GOT SIX-FENCE
fio
Irve got six-pen:-r, jolly jolly six-pence
I've gob six-pen«.^ to last rae all my life
I've got tuppence to spend, and tuppence to lend
And tuppence to .'-f:nd horae to my wife, poor wife
No cares^ have I to: grieve me
Ho pretty little girls to decieve me
I'm happy as a ?.;irk believe me
As we go rolling rolling home
Rolling home, rolling home
By the light of the silvery moon
Happy is the day, when the Air Force gets its pay
As we go rolling rolling home
UivCLE JOHN L AUNTIE MABEL Tune: Hark the Herald Angels sing
Uncle John & Auntie Mabel, fainted at the breakfast table,
®^#
This should be sufficient warning, never do it in the morning,
Ovalteen has set them right, now they do it every night,
Uncle John is hoping soon, to do it in the afternoon
A«~~men
SIX POJHDS OF BOOBIES
8Jb.
Six pounds of boobios In a loose brassier
An old used condom and a glass of beer
A twat that twitches likes a mooses ear
These are the things I love
A dirty whore strolling down the street
A bloody kotex in the rumble seat
I love niy poontang but I beat my meat
These are the things I love
KQIKX SOIIG Tunei Caissons "go Rolling Along 8£#
lou can tell by the smell that she isn!t feeling well
When the end of the month rolls around
How she turns, how she cquiras, how she'gets a case of vonas
When the end of tho month rolls around '
for it's hi, hi? hco in the Kctex industry
Call out your slr-os loud and strong
Cup er-Juni or-43 an d *•- o Id
For where ere you go,-the blood will always flow
When the end of the month rolls around-
'^LQn-iOii2liiS Tune; Old Gray Bonnet 86#
Put on your old r.rey hustle and get out and hustle
For tomorrow the rent's coming due
Put your ass In clover, let the boys look it over
If you canft got five take two
Put on those old pink panties that used to be your aunties
And we'll go for a tussel in the hay
Now there's no uso duckin1 cause you're gonna get a fuckin1
In the good old fashioned way
Put on your old grey corset if it won't fit force it
For the fleet is coining in today
As the bees riake loney let your ass make money
In the good old fashioned way
Pat on that old bl 10 ointment the crabs.disappointment
And we!ll kill those bastards where they lay
Through it scratches and it itches, it will kill those sons-of-bitchps
In the good old fashioned-way
SALLY
0„
"—- 87
#
Sally's in the alley sifting cinders
Lifted up her leg and farted like a man
wind from her blooners broke six windows
Cheeks of her ass went BAM BAM BAM
BARIIAGLE BILL THE PHOT
fl3#
The Air Force Is the life for me, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor
I!ll jump my ship and leave the sea and be an aviator
1*11 fly so high I'll reach the sky, gravitation Ifll defy
I'll make the people moan and cry, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor
Pretty soon you'll lose that grin, said the fair young maiden
Pretty soon you'll lose that grin, said the.fair young maiden
I'm rough and tough, I know my stuff, said Bill the aviator
I'll fly this ship'til I've had enough, said Bill the aviator
I know a strut, I know a fin, I know a barrel roll and a spin
I know a prop, I know a knick, and I know an elevator
You're out of gas and mast go down, vailed the fair young maiden
You're out of gas and must go down, wailed the fair young maiden
I'm a cockeyed Finn if I'll give in, reared Bill the aviator
I'll fight this ship with a flyers grin, roared Bill the aviator
He kicked the bar and pulled the stick, which didn't seem to do the trick
And he hit the ground like a ton of brick, poor Barnacle Bill the sailor
Here's some flcwers for his grave, sobbed the fair young maiden
Here's some flovers for his grave, sobbed the fair young maiden
. STREET CT .^AHLil SO Mi Tune: Carolina in the Iteming 89 #
Nothing coaV ba .-noaner
Than to be a street cleaner
In the morning
Kothing makes you bluer
Than to pick up horse manure
In the morning
When the horses unload
That's what I really hate
Cleaning up horse manure
From four AM till eight
Strolling with my pushcart
■When the breezes sme.ll like cheeses
In the morning
There's nothing more I fear
Than a horse with diarrhea
In the morning
Why can't they drop those little balls
That don't stick to my overalls
In the morning
If I had Alladins lamp for only a day
I would make a wish or two
And here's what I'd say
I wish they would put glasses
All around those horses asses
In the morning
THE bPtfoE
9Q
The liquor was spilled on the barroom floor
And the bar was closed for the night
When out of a bole came a little brown mouse
And sat in the pale moonlight
He lapped up the lizyor on the barroom floor
And back on his haunches he sat
And all night long you could hear him roar:
"BHBE ON TIE GOD DAMNED CAT!!-!"
INTO ,„E AIR 69ERS
91 #
Into the air '6<?ers
Into the air upside down
Into the air 69e:\*?
Set your sights and lets go down, we'll all go down
And when we see those bastard Commies
And we make them shit a pound
You can bet those- 6<?crs
Are all going' down
Into the air 6?ers
Onto your back, !!^03Sante~neufn
We'll blast those MIGs, 6<?ers
And watch their n^s go Poof, Poof, Poof
And when you .>ce those "Golf-balls11 flying
And + he flak be pins to blast
You can bet the 6?ors
Will bite !em in the ass
H-UMORi:-SQUS____
92.
Passengers will please refrain
From flushing ton lets while the train
Is standing in the r> lotion, I love you
As we go ctroll:! nr through the park
And goosing shadows in the dark
If Sherman's hern:? can take it, why can*t you
You're the p-uy that did the pushing
Put wet spots on the cushion
Footprints on the dashboard upside down
Ever since you met my daughter
She's had trouble passing water
Wish that you had never come to town
I'm the guy that did the pushing
Put the wet spots on the cushion
Footprints on the dashboard upside down
Since I met your daughter Venus-
I've had trouble with my penis
Wish I'd never seen your .God damn town
BANG IT INTO LULU
J$9
Some girls work in factories
Some girls work in stores
My girl works in a knockin1 shop
With forty other whores
Chorus; Bang it into Lulu
Bang it r-ccl and strong
What'11 v*j do for banging
When I/n.l- !s oead rmd gone
Wish T -+n.r. i P: ■ ■
'ir-.i.-'T L-i-j!s h: ■
f;/. d,d-ds liitjn r^-d
■-.v-1*3-time sb'3 v;p..':< b«_\r ass
IM :;ce th- r: < .v.\:- ; k'lid
I ul , :-»n a 1 -d>
She mid It on .. ;
Rh« ccv!l-nM -.-.I ! * ; du
{causa UK' ;■.*■■■' : ' :' ' • ■ < c c^l:
Lu"hi brd .=■ i ^v
She Lh»(:i-- i - ■ ■ il - |V4
To 1*—h v. ■ ■•• : .i-:
Last thru5 1 .-.-v * '• 1
x h^v-idt c>l ,:. h ■ ■ 1 in'c
,obe was suokin1 <-•;/- M^pp
Through a hnrt :a ••iv i>n;.*e
ir\. :' ' .. t ddH) tddSdPj^
Kve y-u n1 *• - ■ ■';...........™-" ~
5^
The h< d v: " ": • § : t ib * la^-l
Have * o i l f -J \■: ' . .^
-Tho >■'?: * — ! :. ; in !,-:n l^vi
■Ocl ic i r^u-., ' ■; , d" ■;: T. d^?l^ d w tho'irh
Jpck " .\ ~o * *• ■':, ■' "* •:• ;.\F .It, a^d neither will you
Ob h-ave \ " i."'- ■:! ':-..•'. '.:'..in
b_3 bt?4". b:*' 1 ■""■-;" ":"" ^ '.ii t b-° l^nd
l2S3i;p~u rd ^ ■' '^d1' .mJ?; ir; Fv^?-y
Spellei r.jcJ:--;.-.v'--; >'r> ?d ■ip-dlurp
BATTLE HYMN Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic ^*
Vie fly our fucking Thuds at 10,000 fucking feet
We fly our fucking Thuds through the rain and snow and sleet
And though we think we* re flying south
Wefre flying fucking north
And we make our fucking landfall on the firth of fucking forth
Chorus: Glory, Glory Hallelujah
Glory, Glory Hallelujah* Glory-
Glory, Hallelujah, (insert last line of each verse)
We fly those fucking Thuds at fuck all 1,000 feet
Wo f]y those fucking Thuds through the trees and corn and wheat
And though we think we fly with skill
We fly with fucking luck
But we don!t give a fucking damn or care a fucking fuck
We fly those fucking Thuds at 10,000 fucking feet
We fly those funking Thuds through the rain and sno and sleet
And though we think we're flying up
We1re flying fucking down
And we bust our lucking asses when we hit the fucking ground
SILVER. THREATS AMONG THE GOLD
ft,
Darling let ne ?}y: your garter
Just an inch above your knee
And if I should -vender farther
Please don't blairn it. all on me
The hair around your pussy's turning silver
The -hair around my -;ock is turning gold
So let's put our two things together
Silver.threads among the gold
So she let me fir her garter
Just an inch above the knee
And my hand did v.ir.der farther
And she pissed all over me
FRIGGING IN -THE RIGGING 9?#
Twas on the good ship Venus , my God you should have seen us
The figure head was a whore in bed, and the mast a rampart penis
Chorus: Frigging in the rigging, frigging in the rigging
Frigging in the rigging, there's fuck all else to do
The captain of this lugger, he was a dirty bugger
He wasn!t fit to shovel shit, from one place to another
The fiist mate's name was Morgan.,, my God was he a gorgon
Tun times a day he used to play, upon his sexual organ
The second mate*s name was Andy, he was so young and randy
They boiled his bun in steaming rum, for coming in the brandy
The midshipman's name was Nipper, his was a dirty ripper
He filled his ass with broken glass, and circumsized the skipper
The Captain's wife was Mabel, when ever she was able
Shefd fornicate with the second mate, upon the galley table
The Captain had a daughter, who fell into the water
Delighted squeals revealed the eels , had found her sexual quarter
The crew they were hard cases, you could 'see it in their faces
They took to frising in the rigging, for want of better places
So drunk with exultation, we reached our China station
And sunk a junk in a sea of spunk, caused by mutual masturbation
DO YOUAKEN m SISTEB TILLY 98*
y^
Do youftken my sister Til.ly
She's a whore on Piccadilly
And my mother is the same upon the strand
And my father sells his ass hole
At the Elephant and Castle
We're the finest whoring family in the land
When you wake up in the morning
With your hands upon your knees
And the shadow of your penis on the wall
And the hair a "growing thick
Between your ass hole and your prick
And the rats are playing snooker with you# balls
ST*US9
There are styles that show the ankle
There are styles that show the knoa
There are styles that have the boy* all wondering
Just whit tho girls are gonna let us see
There are stylos thit have a ttender meaning
That the eyes of t)»n alone ean see
But the style that Eva wore in the garden
Is the style th^t rppsale to me
J.ILIT ROh PICCADILLY
~'....." " *"""■'......™......-
100*
Oh, X tsok n trip to London to loo.1: -round the town
When I pot to IJccndtlly, the sun v:\* gning down
Tf\/t never ?*nn r^ch d.orknsaSj the night was black as pitch
Vihvii sudtj^nW, in front of r^* X thought X saw a witch
Chorum oh, n,. ^;; r Lilly, from Piccadilly
Yen i.n^-v tho cun I moan* the one 1 lio&n
PV' --p?]ui ^aoh payday, th'U'fl'Myhey hay day
v/U-V; J-i1 *? v - my blackout <{V«2.n
C.'i1, T rvlrin'i.. ~>v !»'-r"fUur^ I couldn't £$e her face
?va if T o->r •'*" ** !■<•?, 1U1 know her anyplace ■
1 i)'-u.1'ln.Jt vm! 'r *i^ v?*i* blond* or a dark brunette
}jns rj^h '^ t: • /{ ' rhp p.ve i&f^ r ihvilL X won't forget
r;ir> **ai\ *.•,-. n-s ?"'h X'-'iSilcr-d huy at-e you lonesome Are you blue
Jiirit .^U-p ?v)i.m(l tho corner, 1611 show you what IU11 do
>;«? v;.*nt in v.v;<» <U»)-lc allsy, 1 said, I love you kid
5ha s*ld, Ok>»y, but first you pay,' so I gave her twenty quid
She leaned hor hrcsK* Against the wall, .1 took her In my anas
She gave to me her vary all, and all her buxuni o ha nit
1 3ost my hft*d# I lost my heart, I even lost my hat
It was a sh-rvm** fthn should have b#en, a elrcius acrobat
\hi w**nt to h^r ^n fitment, and whan we were In bed
J)he w-«s po v^;> p;iu*3ant, I said some day w^'d wed
Mui ivr:t jpvo »!•■■! breakfast, she was so very nice
Why wba she did for twenty quid was aheap at half the prlee
THS BASTARD KIHG OF iSIJGLAJi)
101*
Oh minstrels sine of a mighty king
Who many long years ago
Ruled his land with an iron hand
But his mind was weak and low
His only under clothing was
A filthy undershirt
It was long enough to hido his. hide
But never to hide the dirt
He loved to hunt the royal stag
Within the royal wood
But the sport he loved the best of all
Was pullin his royal pud
Wild and wooly"and full of fleas
His terrible tool hung down to Ms knees
God save the bastard king of England.
Now the queen of Spain was a spri ghtly dajne
And an amorous dame was she
And she loved to fool with the roy&l tool
From far across the sea
So she sent a special Dfssage
By a special nes-^en^or
And asked the royal bastardship
To spend the night with her
When Phillip of France heard this
He summoned his royal court
Spid she prefers my rival
Just because my tool is short
So he sent the Duke of Slip and Slap
To give the queen a dese- of clap
And thus avenged the bastard king of England
When news of this foul coed
i>id reach fair Inland's halls
The king he swore by the shirt he wore
He'd Lave old Phillip1 s-balls-
So he offered a night with the sweet Hortenso
To the man who'd nut the king of France
And thas avenge the bastard king of iijigland
Up spoke the duke of Suffolk
He took himself to France
Declared himself a flutter
The king took down his pants
Ho droppod a thong around his dong
Jumped on his horse and galloped along
And thus avenged the bastard king of
England
How Phillip assumed a royal stance
And groveled on tho floor
For during the ride his royal pride
Had stretched a yard or more
And all the girls in England
Came down to London town
And shouted round the castle
To-ho11 with Englands crown
So Phillip assumed the throne
His scepter was the royal bone
With which he downed the bastard king
of England
Tffil^ -WHORES FROM CANADA JUNCTION 102 #
Three whores walked down from Canada Junction
Pull of brandy and vine
The topic of conversation was
lour cunts no bigger than mine
Chorus: Roly poly tickle ny holey
Slippery slimey slue
Rattle your nuts across my guts
I?m one of the whorey crew
The first old whore got up and said
i*y cunt*s ac big as the air
The birds fl> in and birds fly out
And never touch a hair
The second old vhore got up and said
i'ly cuntrs as big as the moon
A man went in it January
And didn't come out 'til June
The third old whore got up and said
xlan you1 re all talking galls
Cause when I have ray periods
It's like Niagra Falls
103.
Oh A-y God, weVo all done wrong
we've all been -drunk for so God Damn long
And we don!t give a Jesus if it rains, hails or freezes
Let the old roan say what he God Damn pleases
Wefre just a bunch of shitsters, a bunch of booze histers
FIGHTER PILOTS AIL
VIOLATE Mii
_ _
1Q^
Violate mo in the violet time
In the vilest way that you know
To the best things in life
I an utterly oblivious
Give me- a life that is lewd and lascivious
Violate me in the violet time
In the vilest^ way that you know
Ravage me, savage me
Utterly damage me
On me no mercy bestow
Violate rao in the violet time
In the vilest way that you know.
RING DANG POO
105#
When I was young and-sweet sixteen
I met a girl from New Orleans
Oh she was young and pretty too
She had what you call a ring-dang-doo
A ring-dang-doo, pray what is that
It13 round and soft like a pussy cat
It's round .and soft and split in two
That's what you call a ring-dang-doo
3hc took me down into the cellar
S xe said I was a very fine feller
She gave me wine aid whiskey too
And she let play with her ring-dang-doo
She took me up into her bed
3he placed a pillow beneath my head
And then she took my hickey-floo
And placed it in her ring-dang-doo
Kow six months later she began to swell
She swelled and swelled till she looked like hell
She told her ma and her father too
That I took a crack at her ring-dang^oo
Her father raid you filthy whore
You've gone and 3or.t your maidens lore
tack up jour bar and your nighty too
And make your living from your ring-dang-doo
She went to the city to become a whore
She hung a sign upon her door
Five dollars new no tiling else will do
To take a crack at my ring-dang-doo
And the fellers came and the fellers went
And the price vent down to fiteen cents
Fifteen cents and nothing else will do
To take a crack at my ring-dang-doo
And then one day a son-of-a-bitch
Ks- had the crabs and the jockey itch
He had the syph end diarrhea too
And he took a crack at her ring-dang-doo
They hung her tits in the city hall
They pickled her ass in alcohol
Kow all you bums and hobo's too
You've heard my tale of the ring-dang-doo
So they buried her near the city hall
And they engraved uponthe wall
She's learned her lesson and you should too
Just stay away from the ring-dang-doo
THE BLOODY GREAT WHEEL
106#
An airman told rae before he died
And I don't thinic that the bastard lied
That he had a wife with a cunt so wide
That she could never be satisfied
So ho invented a prick of steel
Driven by a bloody great wheel
Two brass balls all filled with cream
And the whole fuclcing issue was driven by steam
Hound and'round went the bloody great wheel
In and out went the prick of steel
Until at last the maiden cried
Enough enough If m satisfied
But now we come to the bitter bit
There was no way of stopping it
She was split from her ass to her tit
And the whole fucking issue was covered with shit
PM®YJM?Ii
107 •
Have you ever been in an Irishman1^ shanty
alhere whiskey is plenty and the money is scanty
A bed on the fJoor, a roof of thatch
And a string on the door instead of a latch
Kow there were icepicks and toothpicks
And all kinds of lunatics, ice cream and cold cream
The girls were drinking kerosene
Ifow the night that Paddy -Murphy died is one I'll not forget
The boys they started drinking and some ainft sober yet
Kow the night that Paddy Murphy died
They came from far and near
They took the ice right off the corpse, and put it in their beer'
And that's how w^ showed our respect for Paddy liirphy
That's how we showed our* honor and our pride
That's how we showed our respect for Paddy Murphy
On the night that. Paddy died
I WANT TO PLAY PIANO IN A WHORB HOUSE 108#
Oh I want to play piano in a whore house
Tliat is wy one do sire
Some people may be bankers
Or farmers out in Butte
I just want to play in a house of ill repute
Now you may think this strange, my advocation
But cardinal copulation's here to stay
I don't want fane or riches
I want to play for those old bitches
I want to play piano in a whore house
ODE TO A GREAT FUCKIN' 5AR EFFORT 1Q?
Time? !,The Night Before Xmas"
One fine day, just last summer Otwas prior to a raid)
The jocks were hung over « from screwing the maid
So with canopies open and heads hung in grief.
Their sorrows were many
Their crew rest too brief
The mission commander
By some marvelous feat
Get then to the Anchor - -
Cycled through-, then did meet
With those beautiful Thuds
spread in "pod" ~ Quite a- forcei
The Phantoms moved in
like the old Trojan Horse
The MTGs bad been scrambled.,
Were headed out eist,
But the gunners are hosing
Eighty-fives at our brast
"Why the' hell should th*y hate me?
I cried i.n en sm:vy
"I'm ef~ress:ln£, yo- bustards
So play it my vnyJ '
But my cry went unheeded
As our bird took a hit
And I know there :.uid then
Things had just turned to shit
The1 my chances were ni'l
There was fuck else to;do
But head for the Bl:;cb
with our whole fuckin' crew J
So in anger, and pished
Tid we drop the whole load
On that, cock-suekin1 gunners
Kids., wife, and Abode
There was no (roodam prief
As I cried cut with glee
f,£at your heart out, you bitch
For you111 never got mcl"
So with eighty per cent
(that was all we could get)
tfe headed for North Point
"rfith hopes of a TET
ODE TO A GREAT PUCKIN* SAR EFFORT (continued)
But 'twas mostly in vain
As we swung past the &ed-
I knew that my ass
Was fuckin' near dead
'Carole Yen Bay came alive
Like the Fourth of July!
The flak was so thick
That I wanted to cry
As my two three and four
Broke down, loft, then right-
Leaving us solo
In the dwindling light
"Well ol' buddy," my number one
GTE sats tc me
"it looks like there's just
Gonna be me and thee"
"and with your goddam luck
Wq should punch out at ten -
So the rest of tho fall
We can take with a.grin"
"For 1 ju."-t Icr.ow c:"dc:am well
As I sit hero in ;'raght
That both fuckin* ':hul~s
Worn packed W7,;vrg 1 -r-t- night1"
"And I want yc.\ * o Know"
he hastenrd to add
"That in case we don't make it -
Please don't g">t -mad'"
"It isn't my fault
That the pod dic'n't work -
I told you that, twice
you dumb f uc Id n '~j e r k'
"A tank didn't feed
The doppler was short
(you said) we'll get our counter -
No matter what1"
"Well, you've got your first counter -
It may be the last
Unless this old whore
Can take one more blast1"
Shut your trap, and eject'
Was the word of the day
So we punched, not at ten
But at two, so they say««•«•••••••••
THB TWELVE JAYS OF CHRISTMAS
----,------.--;------------- 2^Q^
On the 1st day of Christmas ray true love gave to mei
A hand job In a pear tree
2nd day Two brass balls
3rd day Three french ticklers
4th day Four cock suckers
5th day Five BHher Fuckers
6th day Six sacks of shit
7th day Seven scrotums swinging
8th day Eight assholes itching
9th day Nine nipples nibbling
IQth day Ten titties tingling
Uth day Eleven lesbians licking
12th day Twelve twats a twitching
JOY TO THE WORLD
ln
Joy to the world, the bombs will come
Lets all go join th? fun-
The bridges, Dams and Power Plants
The, schools, tiie kid5? and even ants
Will know the awesome soumd
Of bombs iiitting ths ground
They111 shiver, they Ml quiver
Gee, war is fun.,
JMQM.i^M X12
Flying thru the sky f in a Foxtrot one-o-five
Flying thru the flak, never looking back
Thru the hills we dodge, for SAMS are called away
What fun it is to bomb and strafe the DRV today
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to bomb the DRV each day
CBU's, dark 32fs, 750*s too
Daddy Vulcan strikes again
Our Christmas gift to you
LITTLE T0T.«7N OF BETHLEHEM
113
Oh little town of Ho Chi llinh
How safe you think you lie
Beneath your ring of SA2fs
You think the fives won't fly
Yet thru the cloud deck raineth
A deadly trail of bombs
Too late for fear,.the end is near
How bout that one-o-five
WHY DO THE DRUMS GO JJOOMt u^
: had a little girl down in Baltimore
mt the funk from her drawers knocked me flat on the floor
he's a rotten motherfucker and I love her so
hefs my little girl from Baltimore
hy do the drums go boom-diddy-boom-diddy 1
hy do the drums go boom-diddy-boom-diddy?
"hy do the drums go b0Om~dlddy«boom«*diddy?
hy do the drums go boom!
all..*I took her to the church just to meet all the people
ut the funk from her drawers knocked the cross off the iteepb
cOi*,.! took her to the store just to buy some peas
ut the funk from her drawers knocked the clerk on his knees .
ell...I took her to the farm just to get a job
ut the funk from her drawers knocked the corn off the cob
ell...I took her to the movie but the crowd got mean
a en the funk from her drawers knocked the flick off the screen
ell.,.I took her to the beach man she was a dish .
ut the funk from her drawers knocked the scales off the fish
2U...I took her to the club for a bite to eat
it the funk from her drawers burned a hole in the seat
all I took her to Korat just to meet the Thais
at the funk from her drawers brought the tears to their eyes
^11... I took her to the field just to watch me fly
it the funk from her drawers knocked my Thud from the sky
)U»,. I took her down to Veenas but they started bitchen
len the funk from her drawers drew the flies from the kitchen
^11...I took her to-ir^y hooch cause I thought I'd score
it the funk from her. drawers burned the paint off the door
)11...I took her to the park just to roll in the grass
it the funk from her drawers curled the hairs on my ass
311...I took her to my room and I started to hunch
it the funk from her drawers made me blow my lunch
0L1... I slipped it up her tubes and I tried to coat fem
it the funk from her drawers peeled ^the skin off my scrotum
11...I fucked her on the floor man it was a feeling
*en the funk from her drawers stuck my axs to the ceiling
ll... I paid her fifty bucks cause it was a thrill
t the funk from her drawers wiped the ink off the bill
'11... They took my little girl to the police station
id the funk from her drawers was a threat to the nation
H..tThey took her to the court for a speedy trial
t the funk from her drawers laid the judge in the aisle
Well... They locked her in a jail but she's doin well
Cause the funk from her drawers killed the rats in her cell
Well...I lost my little girl but I didnft mind
Cause the funk from her drawers nearly made me blind
NIGHT ON THE TOWN 115
Over the river, across the 'Once
to gomor's house we go.
The THUD knows the way
It's Bull^ye today
To visit Uncle H0-0H1
We're Weasels, you knox^f so look out below
'causc3 wo?ve got our shit together.
Chasing down. SAM's and Firecans
and always in dogshit weather,
Green up the nissiles and warm up the pods
Their GCX's got us now.
Tune, up the ceope
They'll launch one we hopo
Get ready to take it down.
Then just for spite we'll punch off a shrike
Sweet J em.'si Wh?.t a shit hot day J
Dropping their socks and cleaning their clocks
and blowing their shit away.