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AN INTRODUCTORY COLLECTION OF REAL FOLK AND TRADITIONAL SONGS
or ~
DIRT:"AN EXEGESIS
Acknowledgements
An immeasurable debt of gratitude is due to the fraternity men of
UCLA, without whom this would not have been possible; the editors and
typists and publishers,(who have selflessly chosen to remain nameless)
without whom this would not have been printed; Dead Brugger and the
University Administration, without whom this would not be nearly so
risky} and the female sex, with whom this would npt be necessary*
—The Editor's
Table of contents
III- Song Parodies (conte)
PART I- Collegiate Songs and Parodies
Page # Title page
1 California Fucking Song 33
The Faggot Golden Bear ^3
The Trojans Be Damned 33
* Lady in Red
Pi Phi’s Garter
Hanna, My Delta Gamma
Roll He Over
Stanford Drinking Song
R.O*TiCi
In
PART II— Traditional, Merde
5 The Gasoline Hauler
5 Campus Hall
6 How the Money Rolls __
6 Come Thanksgiving
6 The Big Black Bull
6 Pancho Villa
7 Seven Old Ladies
7 Goose Mother Rhymes
8 The Ball at Balleymoor
8 Cats on the Roof Top
9 The King’s Last Ball
9 Big Fucking ¥heel
10 ,1 Used to ¥ork In Chicago
10 Too Bad
10 Barnacle Bill the Sailor
10 Jesus Loves Me
11 Roll Your Leg Over
PART III- Song Parodies
11 The Corn-Holing of Danger-
ous Dan McGrew
11 My Grandfather * s Cock
12 When the End of the Month
Rolls Around
12 Red, Red
12 Banging the Crack
12 Bat Shit, Bat Shit
# Title
Three Old Whores
Dick
13
13
14
14
14
14
14
14
14
14
14
15
15
15
15
16
16
17
It
It
It
18
18
18
19-22
from Canada
It.Vs Great,
C^ S^ ____
When I’m Feeling Low -or-
The Masturbati on Song
My Cunt>
Down in Twat Valley
The Driver
The Whole World In His Hands
Westwood High
Pubic Hairs
Vagina
Cool
Gee, But
Thanks For The' Memory
Let Me Call You Sweetheart
Bang-Bang Lulu
Beta Song
Ring-Aching
Mary Jane Barnes
Green Back Pattii
M-Q-T-H-E-R
Puff
Mimi the College Widow
Frigging in the Rigging
Jamaica Farewell
Train Song
Mother Fucker * s Ball
These Foolish Things Remind
ie Of You
Limericks, with the chorus
of ’’Down by’ the River Purdee”
CLo-s Angeles » UCLAQ-Dp House, c, K)65f]
General Notes: Wherever possible, the titles of the songs being par-
odied are given except where it seems quite obvious. The divisions are
not exact and there is considerable categorical overlapping.
The basis of this monograph is a song sheet put out
under the auspices of several fraternities who shall remain nameless.
By far the most part of the material is copied (with the numerous spell-
ing and grammatical mistakes corrected) from that song sheet. There are
occasional fillers; they are probably obvious..------ The Editors
1
CALIFORNIA FUCKING SONS: , (*&'*■)
Oh they had a little party up in Lakeport ..
There was Harry, there was Mary, there was Grace
Oh they had a little party up in Lakeport
And Harry came all over the place.
And they had to carry Harry to the fairy
And the 'fairy carried Harry to the shore
And the reason that they had to carry Harry to the fairy
Was that Harry couldn’t cum any more
Prostitution, prostitution, •
Fuck ’em till they cry
Rape ’em till they.die
Prositiution, prostitution
Fuck ’em twice or know the reason why
And when the fuck is over, we will huy a box of skins
And fuck for California till it dribbles off our chins
So fuck, tra-la-la, Fuck tra-la-la
Fuck, fuck, fucked last night
Fucked the night before
I’m gonna fuck tonight like I never fucked before
For when I fuck I’m as happy as can be
For I am a member of the hose family
Now the hose family is the best family
That ever came'over from old Spermany
There’s the anterior fuck and the posterior fuck
The interior fuck and'the A-SUC
Sing glorious, victorious, one big cunt for the four of us
Sing glory be- to IBM that there are no more of us
For one of us could eat it all alone. Damn near!
’ ' ' ' ’ ' fk
Here’s to the foreskins, GET FUCKED!
— The horny pricks.
THE FAGGOT GOLDEN BEAR
The faggot golden bear
Has dyed his pubic hair :
He i s so queer that when he’s near ‘
He’s apt to fuck you in the rear
His cock is made of glass
He beats off in gym class
So take your, fruity fucking bear
And shove him up your golden ass.
THE TROJANS BE DAMNED
fis . (1. ,S.C. \
The trojans be damned boys, the trojans be damned.
The trojans be damned boys, the trojans be damned.
If any SC sonofabitch don't like the 31ue and Gold,
He can pucker up his rosy lips and kiss a Bear's asshole
Oh, here's to John McKay, the-dirty sonofabitch.
We hope he dies of syphiis combined with the seven-year itch.
If you take his prick as a radius and project his balls in space
You can prove by the law of limits that his a.sshole is his face.
Harvard's run by Princeton and Princeton's run by Yale
Yale is run by Vassar and Vassar's run by tail.
But from what we hear of Old SC, they run it off by hand
Oh, them masterbating sons of bitches are the assholes of the land.
If I had a little girl I'd dress her all in green
And send her down to East LA to•coach the trojan team.
But if I had a little boy I'd dress him all.in blue
And he'd yell "TO HELL WITH OLD SC" like his daddy used to do.
Oh, listen all you maidens, oh listen well to me
Don't ever , trust a Trojan man an inch above''your knee
He'll take you down to East LA and fill you full of fizz
And before the night is over your maidenhead Is his.
If we find an SC man within our sacred walls -
We'll take him down to East LA and amputate his .balls.
And if that doesn't fix .him I'll tell you what we'll do
We will stuff his ass with broken glass and seal it up with glue.
If I had a prick of steel and balls of shiny brass . .
I'd find a marble statue and ram it up her ass. :v
I'd breed a race of .giants to roam throughout the land
Just to swell the mighty chorus of the trojans be damned.
LADY IN RED
It was a cold winter's evening, the guests were all leaving
O'Leary was closing the bar . ;, t -r:
When he turned and he said to the lady in red
GET OUT, you can't stay where you are. ■ ;•
She wept a sad tear in her bucket of beer ,
As she thought of the cold night ahead . ; ■
When a gentleman dapper stepped out of the (crapper, phonebooth)
And these are the words that he said. (There's no paper in here)
Her mother never told her the things a young girl should know
About the ways of college men and how they come and go. (mostly go)
Now age has taken her beauty
And sin has left its sad scar (what a gash)
So remember your mothers and sisters boys
And let her sleep under the bar. ('neath the big brass rail)
3
ROLL ME OVER
I "tried it once or twice
and I found it rather nice
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again,
-Chorus-
Roll me over in the clover
Roll me over lay me down and do it
again.
Now this is number one and
I'm buttering up her bun rV-W'
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
(chorus)
Now this is number two
down in front I'm coming through
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
(chorus)
Now this is number three
fancy friggin', fast and free
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
(chorus) •
Now this is number four
Cut a notch, I'm keeping score
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
(chorus)
Now this is number five
That's enough, I gotta drive
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
(chorus)
Now this is number six
and I've got her sucking dicks
Roll me over, lay me down, and do it
again.
(chorus)
Now this is number seven
and it feels like I'm in heaven
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
(chorus'
Now this is number eight
Never again I’ll masturbate
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
(chorus)
Now this is number nine
Man, this cunt is really fine
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
(chorus)
Now this is number ten
And we’11 start all over again
Roll me over, lay me down and do it
again
-PI PHI’S GARTER
[QbJ V 5-
High; above a Pi Phi's garter,
high above her knee
Lies a Pi Phi's only honor:
her virginity.
So lift her dress up, raise it
high, boys,
Lay her on the grass
All I live for, all I die for,
is good old Pi Phi ass.
High above a Pi Phi's gartey,
nestled hear her lap,
Lies the thing that we all dread,
Good old Pi Phi cl ap.
So lift her dress up, raise it
high, boys,
So we all can see
All a Pi Phi has to offer
Our fraternity (dormitory).
HANNA, MY DELTA GAMMA (Tune-Hanna)
Hanna, my Delta Gamma
•She’s got a twat like a baby grand
piano,
It's so nifty, it’s real snifty,
Hanna, my Delta Gamma.
¥e'll build a fucking bed,
Big enough for two, big enough
My honey, big enough for one, twc,
three, four.
And when we're fucking, happy we'll
be, xinder the fucking,
Under the fucking tree.
Bom-bom bom-bom, bom-bom bom-bom.
Bom-bom,bom-bom, fom-bom bom-bom.
If you'll be M-I-N-E mine, I'll be
T-H-I-N-E thine
And I'll P-U-C-K fuck you all the
T-I-M-E time.
You are the B-E-S-T best of all the
C-H-E-S-T chest
And I'll P-U-C-K fuck you
All the T-I-M-E.
Knock 'em up, fuck ’em up, any old
time . ~
That's where my dick lays, in between
my baby's legs
I screw her all the time to keep in
shape
She wears my silk underwear
I put my peter there
Hey, boys, that's where my cum goes.
(I don’t know the tune either—
typist)
. STANFORD "DRINKING SONG • , i' ~~"y'”i7' b-b .
Oh it's wine, wine, .w;Lne, that :-niakes ybusfeelr5o fine - ?
On the farm, on the farm, •
Oh it's wine, wine,’ wine, that makes you feel so fine ■ '.V
On the Leland Stanford Junior farm. , >:• -.O :■ v . . :
^ My eyes are dim: I cannot see u.::
I have HEY not :H0-brought my specs with me. .. ,t . ..
SIMILARLY: .. . ./ , ,. .. ’ ; : ;v ' ". '
beer;queer// brandy;dandy// rum;-dum// rye;sprye//cocoa;loco//
vodka;hotka// whiskey;frisky// bourbon;burpin// coke;chpke/:/
gin; sin// port; sport// muscatelr; feel like hell.//, vermouth;uncouth// .
corn; glad you're born// champagne; gives'you, S'u'ch a pain//
hot roast duck;makes you;want to fuck// ' .
R.O.T.C. | Tu-v\ ?>
Some mothers have sons'an the.. army;i.: ;
Some mothers have sons overseas
So hang up your serviceiflag, mother
Your -son's : in the R. 0. T. C. 1 s.C
CHORUS: - re/ V - ,
■ -R.O.T.C. r - J
It'all:sounds like,hbrseshit
-R.O.T.C. i-j
... It.all sounds l.ike_ horse shit
They call us the'campus !commandoes1 1'“'
More boy -scouts'-than Soldiers are we
So take down your-service-flag mother
Your son’ s in-the-RvO. T. C.
avi rO :i : oa
to me, to me
to me ■'
7i 0 S.: :• ItlS-l r'it?
They give us our-little : toy rifles'
And tell us to shine them- you -see
For we are the guardians of the campus
While computing the square root of three
In case of atomic disaster '■'• '
-The.,RDTC.. will enmass ..
They 'll protect us.from'alpha and gamma
With all of thp.lead in their ass
We stand in pur ^Fauntleroy costumes
And seem'so resplendent to be
We look like .a fullrsized militia
But we're only the'R.O.T.C.
—• ; • ■ •? rii,'! . . . - ; .
THE GASOLINE HAULER €AllS fiT 5
Husband, dear husband, I tremble -with fear,
You've driven that transport for nearly a year
And since you've been driving that gasoline truck
■ We haven't had time for a good'family fuck#
Husband, dear husband, don’t be a fool
You've driven that truck till you've ruined your tool
You'd better go hungry for the rest of your life
Than to bring home a prick so soft to your wife.
I was always happy as your little queen
Till you started to haul that damn gasoline
Now you're groggy and can hardly creep
I feel like jazzing and you want to sleep
Each night, dear husband, when we go to bed,
Your intentions are noble but your pecker is dead,
I play with your penis all dripping with gas
But it turns up its nose and crawls up your ass.
If a child should be born, its life would be spoiled
Its brain soaked with gas and its ass would be oiled
And when it grew up, its living to earn
-It'd be just like its father, damn hard to learn.
.In this cruel world'there's only one sin
For which there's no pardon, so never give in
That's when a man becomes so damn mean
That he gives up his fucking to haul gasoline..
I pleaded dear husband, with tears in my eyes
I played with your balls, still your penis won't rise
So i'll get me a man who's fond of his ass
And we’ll do the fucking while you haul the gas.
CAMPUS HALL • CjKiy ^ "
We go to college, we can be had.
Don't take our word, ask dear old
. Dad.
He brings his buddies for graduate
studies
¥e are from Campus Hall.
We go to college, college go we
We have never lost our virginity
¥e don't use candles
We use axe handles
We are from Campus Hall.
Every year at the Christmas dance
We don't wear bras and we don’t wear
pants
We like to give the freshmen a chance"^^
We like the way hq handles his cock
We are from Campus Hall.
Every night at eleven o'clock
We watch the boatman piss off the
We are from Campus Hall.
We go to college, we have our fun
We know exactly the way it's done
We saw the movios in Hygiene 1,.
We are from Campus Hall
If you want an easy piece
Come up and fuck the Chancellor's
• niece ‘ - -
grease
We are from Campus Hall.
We go to college, don't we have luck? Instead of Kotex she uses bear
We do our work without passing the
buck
Come up some time boys, you may be
in luck
We are from Campus Hall.
7 8 JJT juice 11 . . . ■ 1 (gù- P~A I¡JJr\Jjj j^/Q^rS r[ THREE OLD WHORES PROM CANADA CC'rjyy^' i a \ .. f \ BANG-BANG LULU (Times (Tune : Greenback PUFF ' C ... , . . _ f- P °! ‘ ■ THE RIVER 21 There was a Scot named McGherkln MORE RIVER j/iK) ;f \ i\l u-M_b t- i This song collection was mimeggraphed by the University Co-Op House at $00
6
MONEY ROLLS IN
My father makes book on the
corner, ....
My mother makes bathtuh/'jgih-..- it.
My sister makes love- -for a ;-
dollar - ;-r /
My God how the^poney. ¿roils, in,'
COME THANKSGIVING
L. T
Come thanksgiving, come u !
thanksgiving
:Save.your bread, save your bread
-Shove; it up a .-turkey ' s ass
.Shove it ¡up , a -turkey' s; ass
j Eat /’the ;bird; ,eat 'the- bird.
A n
CHORUS: /’Come next Christmas, come next
" . ! •' ! - chri:§tmas ~ ' /•" '
Rolls in,-roll's in, my God how' ■/ rTaké:-yòuh girl, "take your girl
the money rolls in Polls in.;'/- Lay her “in a pasture
Rolls in, rolls In', my God ' Léy'her in a pasture
how the money rolls in,- ... . Bi;e.c,e on ..earth, piece, on earth.
My grandmother sells cheap., ^Come next ...Easter,, come next
prophylactics ;... . ; /;: ••• Easter/ ' • • •
She punctures the heads with. . Take an egg, take an egg
a pin /Jsto -An iWgkiv&tWvij- -~: Shove it up a rabbit1 s ass
'cause Grandpa" gets" rich On"; / / Shove "it ';up atrabbit ' s .ass
abortions ' ': r' Eat' the hairy "eat ‘ the/hare, ,
My God how the* money rolls IhV ' ' ’ V ■ y/
r,, . , : . . . -THE BIG BLACK BULL .
CHORUS f j; • - / .- :;u. , ■ .... ., -,,, /; , •;/ - A , ;-
. .. , , , , , v -rThe big .black .bull come;, down from
My brother's a--foreign : , . 7 . . ; .the i mountain . ■ ■-
missionary The big black bull come down
He saves fallen women /from sin: ! -from the - mountain'- ^
He'll save you a blonde for • Long time ago. ■ :; 'v
five dollars, . '/'"; _ ; -:r - '"'•/ v ' r'. ' '/
My God how the money rolls in. CHORUS : : 1 • '
CHORUS v'rrov • t Long/time/ago, long .time ago.
My uncle is carving,/out:,candles. ¡/ ..He..spied':a. heifer |.n.:the, pasture
From wax that's especially He spied a heifer in the pasture
soft Long time ago,
i-,He say?, they come, in quite ~ ......
/ ,r handy ...' / // He -;jumped that .fence and he /
if ever his business falls off. - 'jumped that ..heifer ,/ '/
"CHORUS' ’’ ■/;/// ' ; He missed hi? mark and he f'sst
. f ...r. . k' on the 'pasture'
My cousin'is 'saving up bottles -jci uin a' -..-r ,-,-,
For mpments .which, cause, grief.. He wiped his prick on ,a white .,/
He/-says; they' will. be. quite - ^ ' birch sapling vu ■:
' useful ' .- ■■ : -.-a,., -v'1- -.a.-;- - ■ ; r .-
„ For.j the ¡required public relief. The big black bull went back to
'!';i / ' " / the mountain
CHORUS ' ' ' ”T:: - ■;;:'/ ' 7 ;; ■
■?o ;• His head hung /low but his balls;
? My aunt: a noted social worker • hung lower; : ' -'/
Fives services for a fin ....L- ■ ■ ■: u. • ■_ •'/ ^
Shel 11 often work on short . : a ■, .PANCHO„VILLA, \y" k-
notice My name is Panoho Villa.
My God. how the /money, rolls in. I have the gonorrhea
- I-.got.;it from ,Maria ,. v/o:
She gave it to me free-a - ..:i; /
And I cannot: pee-a. '- -/ .
CHORUS
SEVEN. OLD LADIES., r.OE
Chorus: . . ■r ¿..-.r ■ >r
• Oh dear, what can the matter be? wi
Seven old ladies locked in the lavat’ry •Jv
They were there .from Monday .’til Saturday
Nobody knew they were there* M ;
Verses: . { - ---
The first to go in was old Mrs. Finn
Who prided herself on being so thin
But when she sat down the poor dear fell in
And nobody ’knew she was there
The next to go in was old Mrs. Humphrey- : ;
And when she sat down she found it most comfy
She tried to get up but she’,couldn’t get - her rump free
■And nobody knew she was there
The third to go in was old Mrs. Sickle
She hurdled the door ’cause;she hadn't a hickle
Caught her foot in the bowl what a. he 11,of. a.pickle
And nobody knew she was there ‘
The fourth to go in was old Mrs. Murray
She ‘had to go in a hell of a hurry: ■
When she got there it was to late to worry .
And nobody knew she was there ■ .r i. •■■■
The fifth to go in was old Mrs* Slaughter
She .was the Duke of Effingham's daughter .
:She. .went'in to pass off superfluous water
And nobody knew she was there
The sixth to go in was old Mrs. Bender .
She went in to fix up a broken suspender
It snapped and injured her feminine gender
'Arid nobody knew she was there
The last to go in was old Mrs. Brewster
Her eyesight isn’t as good as it uster
She sat on the handle and swore someone goosed her
And nobody knew she was there
. GOOSE. MOTHER RHYMES
Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could ee/t no lean.
So they ate each other
Jack be nimble .
Jack be quick
Jack be fucked
By ci candle stick
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating his grandmother
THE BALL AT . BALLEYNOOK ., ~. >..
Oh the ball, the ball at Balleynoor
What your wife and my wife were do-
ing on the floor
Singing a why do you lass nich why
do you do
A bon do you lass nich becon you do
• you do, 1
(Last two lines are chorus)
There was a doing in the parlor and
a doing on the stones
You couldn’t hear the music for the
wheezing and the groans
Singing a(chorus)
The deacon’s wife was standing there
her butt against the wall;
Put your-money on the. table, I’m
going to do you all
Singing a---(chorus)
The queen was in the parlor eating .
bread and honey; ; ■ : .
The king was in the chamber maid
and she was in the money
Singing a (chorus)
They tried it on the garden path and
once around the park
And when the candles all burned out
they did it in the dark
Singing a (chorus)
Well at first the# tried it simple
then they tried he and shes
But when the ball was rolling they
went at it fives and threes.
Singing a— (chorus)
The letter carrier was there; the
poor man had the pox;
He couldn't do the lassies so he
did the little bucks
Singing a (chorus) ^
^ (^/û'üd VAl-’ Of cm
(brd# ii, J
V/
/
CATS ON THE ROOF TOP
Cats on the rooftop, cats oh the
tile, ....
Cats with the crab and the clap
and piles,
Cats with their butts all wreathed
in smile,
As they revel in the throes of forn-
ication.
The hippo's rump is big and round,
Small ones weigh a thousand pounds,
Toy-together-shake the ground,
As they revel in the throes of forn-
ication.
The babboon's rear is an eerie sight,
There’s a glow below like a neon
light,
And he waves it like a flag in the
jungle night,
As he revels in the throes of forn-
ication, . :
The camel has a lot of fun,
His night is complete when he is
done,
He always gets two humps for. one,
As he rêve Is iii the. throes of forn-
ication, ' - .
The clam is a model of chastity;
■ You nan't tell the he from the she,
But he can tell and so can she,
As they revel in the throes of forn-
ication.
How the queen beeflits among the
.trees,
Consorting with whomever may please,
They fill the land with sons of bees,
As they revel in the throes of forn-
ication.
Now the monkey is small and rather
b’oy, .
Erect he stands just a foot or so,
So when he comes it's time to go,
As he revels in the throes of forn-
ication.
500 verses all in rhyme, .
To sit and sing them seems a crime,
When ve could better spend our time
Reveling in the throes of fornication
ii- • -; -
U : ■
■ THE KING'S LAST BALL -
ilt was the night of”tile king's
last ball
.When all the counts and no!: I
acCOUntS An / -.dx r" XT':
Were gathered/in .the hall
When in walked Sir Daniel /-,,
(with his left ball o' ’ or his, ,
right shoulder)
"What ho1,’ said the king;
.rcicmf n-n '
BIG FUCKING WHEEL
it
Ass Hole , said /Sir Daniel ■
This displeased the king and
he ordered Sir Daniel sent to
the lions
As the lions were chewing: on ;
Sir Daniels left:ball) he nd
cried,"it tickles", "What v
■ tickles?" eriedthe‘ king. /"
"Test tickles," cried Sir. .
' 1 Daniel ; ^
Thi s pleased, the king and-, he •;. ■
ordered Sir Daniel brought ; .
forth, but Sir Daniel slipped1
on a hot lion's turd and came
in fifth A ' —‘ ! -1 ' :
( ; ; ;■ ,-i - -x - V ; r-- f'/V
"Your/ wish, is my command’" cried
the' king. "I want to fuck your
daughter, " ’said’ Sir Daniel.
"You’11 have to ask the' Queen,"
cried the king. "Fuck the
Queen, "cried Sir ‘Daniel, and//
forty royal knights' ‘were /
stampeded in the rush.
Sir, Daniel went up to see the -
queen,. "Roll over you hairy .
...bitch".. "Fuck if I will" said-;
‘ '' the, rpyal queen ; "Corn hole if
you don't" said the royal;,ass
hole. "Shit" cried thè queen,
and forty royal knights stooped
to poop but nary a turd was :
heard. •
¡There once’ was a .man from. •
"•.it ■* over the' sea . :
And this is the tale that he
told .to me
About a maid with a twat so wide
She, never could be satisfied.
So they fashioned for her a big
..... ;.,r-r fucking wheel
With balls of brass and a big
prick of Steele
/The/balls of brass were filled
with cream ■
And the whole.fucking issue was
run by steam • r
Around 'arid around went the
big fubking wheel' J ;
r> £Ahd'/INa:and GUT went the big ;/ /
«'coiprlc'k of Steele (
ilMtiOL at last the maid she cried
"Enough1,;"enough, I 'm satisfied"
But that 'was not the end of it r
There., w^s no way of stopping it-
The' maid was. split from twa.t ‘
. ,to. tit ;
And,the whole fucking issue -
went. ,up in shit.. - ■
//id i 1
Well, the"nipples'on her/titties
.Are big as her thumb
The way she moves her hips . ,/
; - Gan .¡make a dead man cum ' .//-
She1s an old cock sucker,
Dirty mother fucker ¡..A./ v.l
My gal's a dirty old slut
FUCK* ' • ' . '
d V.
'.r
A fellow named Robert Zweibel
For hours in the bathroom’would
dwell r ■’ ;.
The turds that he shit !
Would never quite fit --A ./. 1
Down the orifice of the toilet's A
. . well - 'r
; £ L.,'^3 - . d
I USED.TO WORK IN CHICAGO
I used to work in Chicago
In a department store
I worked in the glove department
I did, but I don’t anymore
A lady came in for some gloves one
day
I asked her what kind she'd adore
Rubber, she said, and rubber I did,
I'll never work there anymore
I used to work in Chicago
In a department store
I worked in the fruit juice depart-
ment
I did but I don't anymore
A lady came in for some fruit
one day
I asked her what kind she'd adore
Nectar she said, and nectar I did
I'll never work there anymore.
I used to work in Chicago
In a department store
I worked in the candy department
I did but I don't anymore
A lady came in for some candy*one
I asked her what kind she'd adore
Sucker she said, and sucker I did
I'll never work there anymore.
I used to work in Chicago
In a department store
I worked in the bakery department
I did, but I don't anymore
k lady came in for some cake one day
I asked her what kind she * d adore
Layer she said, arid layer I did
I'll never work there anymore.
I used to work rin Chicago
In a department store
I worked in the meat department
I did but I don't anymore
k lady came in for some meat one day
I asked her what kind she'd adore
Balogna she said but weiner she got
['ll never work there anymore. ^
'Pc£TaV-Stc'iCj'
BARNACLE BILL THE SAILOR
Who '
10
?!
?!
s that knocking at my door?
n ii ii it ii
Cried the fair young maiden.
It's only me from over the sea
Cried Barnacle Bill the sailor
it ii tr n ii
I'll come down at let you in(3 times)
cried the fair young maiden
Veil, open the door, you dirty
old whore,
Cried Barnacle Bill the sailor
If I? ?? I? ?!
Vill you take me to the dance(3)
Cried the fair young maiden !
The hell with the dance, pull
down your pants ;
Cried Barnacle Bill the sailor
day
"00 BAD f*A UE.TTt&
fas it you who did pushin'
Put the stains upon the cushion
Pootprints on the dashboard upside
down.
fas it your sly woodpecker ; '
?hat got into my girl Rebecca?
Cf it was you better leave this town.
Ct was I who did the pushin'
5ut the stains upon the cushion
footprints on the dashboard upside
down
Jut since I got into your daughter j
!'ve had trouble passing water bJoW" 1|aa£a-4. u)trt €Ar£n, t-il
What's that thing between your legs
(3 times)
Cried the fair young maiden.
It's only a pole to shove up your
hole :
Cried Barnacle Bill the sailor(2)
What's that spot upon my leg(3)
Cried the fair young maiden
It's only a shot that missed the
twat
Cried Barnacle Bill the sailor(2)
What if I should have a child(3)
Cried the fair young maiden.
We'll dig a ditch and'bury the
bi'tch
Cried Barnacle Bill the sailor(2)
*************** r
Jesus loves me, yes I know,
I'm the only one. he'll blow.
He will make me safe from sin
Cause my dick's always in him.
Twelve apostles, tried and true
None of them ever did screw
That's because they got their kicks
From playing with each others'
pricks,
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
I'd go to hole for him."
Fnx
mince xm • mrnn
.1 1
n t* nun t
' o
THE CORN-HOLING OP DANGEROUS DAN MCGRE¥
A couple of boy| were whooping it up in one of those Yukon halls;
While the boy handling the music box was steadily scratching his balls;
The Fargo Kid had his hand on the box of a lady known as Lou;
And there on the floor on top of a whore was Dangerous Dan McGrew.
When out of the night as black as a bitch and into the din and smoke
Came a shaky old prick right up from the crick with a rusty old load,
in his poke. •
He elbowed his way through the flea-bitten crowd with his hand at the
crotch of his pants;
He looked like a man with a dose of the syph and the last stages of
St» Vitus’ Dance.
His britches were split and covered with spit; ft looked like the white
of an egg; • c
His balls hung low and swung to and fro every time he moved :a lege.;
His face was as red as a baboon'g cock-head as the passion within ;him
burned;
He rolled out his cock to display to the flock, and every asshole squirme
The lights went outi I ducked to the floor. The stranger sprang in the
dark. - .... - .
His aim was true and the sparks they flew as his donnicker found its mark
Midst might and. main and screams of pain a cry was heard in the room;
There were sighs and moans and farts and groans, and six bodies lay stack
ed in the gloom.
The lights came on. The stranger arose with a satisfied look on his pan;
And there on the floor with his asshole quite sore lay poor old corn-
holed Dan.
ROLL YOUR LEG OVER
If all the young maidens were little white rabbits
And I were a hare, I'd show them bad habits.
CHORUS: Roll your leg over, o roll your leg over, roll your leg over
the man in the moon. : .
Similarly, with chorus between each verse:
rushes a growin’/ scythe,I'd set to a mowin’;
fish in the ocean/ shark, I would raise a commotion;
sheep in the clover/ ram, I would ram them all over;
little white vixens/ fox, I would chase them and fixem; •.
grapes on the vine/ plucker, I'd have me a time; . ..
bells in the tower/ sexton, I'd bang on the hour;
bricks in a pile/ mason, I'd lay them in style;
fish in a pool/ shark with a waterproof tool;
33-29's/ fighter, I'd buzz their behinds;
trees in a forest/ woodman, I'd split their clitorus; .
flowers in pasture/ bee, I'd leave them in rapture;
bats in a steeple/ bat, there'd be more bats than people;
statues of Venus/ and 'l were equipped_with a petrified.penisj
little white foxes/ dog, I'd snap at their boxes
LAST VERSE:
Oh, why are we standing here singing about it? The reason is that we're
doing without it.
MI GRANDFATHER'S COCK (Tune: My Grandfather’s Clock)
Oh, my grandfather's cock was too large for his-jock,
So it hung 90 years on the floor;
It was longer by half than the old man himself,
Though it weighed not a pennyweight more. ~r. . .
It was hard on the morn of the day he was born
And was always his treasure and pride
But it stopped short never to go off again
When the old man died.
' WHEN THE END-'' OF ' THE1 MONTH ROODS AROUND '0
• --• ¡.I > .rod ; 'U:- ' • ' '
You can tell by the smell that shéris:ii't1' feeling vieil. '
When the end of the month rolls around.1 • . .
You can tell by her stance that she1s bleeding in her pants
when the end of the month rolls around.
(Chorus)
.For it's Hi, Hi, Hee in the Kotex industry
Shout out your sizes loud and strong
JUNIOR, REGULAR, SUPER-DUPER, BALE OF HAY
For where e'er we go you will •alwaysfoaow" ;;
When the end of the month rolls around.*
You can tell by her walk that :you'll sit'at home and talk
When the end of the month rolls around. ■ :
You can tell by her stench that she is a bleeding wench
When the end of the month roll around 1
You can tell by her e'yes that there's blood between her thighs
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by her pout that her tissue1s falling out
When the end of the month roTls around.- hi. 'i - • "
RED, ..RED :..E
: (Tune of 'Green, Green)
It' s red, red, it's red. they say ... r ;
On the inside of your cunt
It's black, black, it's black they say
And it's beaver that we come, to hunt.
I told my mama on tha day I was born
Don't you try and fuck with me
You can beat me off or sit on my face
But a mother fucker I'll never be
Stroke It Nov/s :
BANGING THE CRACK
First you take your balls and you lay 'eni out nice;
You swing 'em to the left, and you roll ,:em. to the right j.. '
Stroke 'er up and dovrn kinds nice and light
And then you shove it in and shove it in with all of.your might.
She spreads her lovin' legs way out in spa.ce,
You hump her up and down with a .style and grace-
You put it all the way in, and then you bring it back. .
And that's what we call bangin' the crack.
RAT SHIT BAT SHIT . . ... .....
Rat shit; bat shit; dirty old twat
69 assholes tied in a knot
Lizard shit; lizard shit; ah fuckI
The first old wiiore from Canada
said"mine’s as big as the sea,
The ships sail in, the ships sail
they never bother me,"
CHORUS
Rig-a-ma-role, stick in my hole
Geemy, ginny| goo.
Rub your nuts against my guts
and join thè whorey crew.
The second old whore from Canada
said, "Mine's as big as the air.
The planes fly in, the planes fly
out,
And never touch a hair."
(CHORUS)
The third old whore from Canada
Said"Mine’s a big as the moon;
A man goes in in January and
don’t come out till June."
C.S. DICK
Down from the hills came corkscrew
Dick,
Born to the world with a spiral
prick.
All over the world he did hunt
For a refined young lady with a
spiral cunt.
But when he found her he dropped
dead,
For the sweet young thing had a
left-hand thread.
MY CUNT . . 15
My cunt, my cunt, my country’s
calling me;
it,. Asshole, asshole, a soldier I
will be;
Two pis,:Two pis, two pistols by
my side;
A whore, a whore, a horsey I will
ride;
A suck, a Suck, a. success I will
be;
Fork ;n, fork u, for curiosity.
DOW IN T¥AT VALLEY
(On Top of Old Smokey)-^ TuWL
"Twas down in Twat Valley
Where, maidenheads grow
Where cocksuckers flourish
And the red river flows
’Twas there I met Lulu
The girl I adore..,.
That hard fucking, cocksucking
Mexican whorel
She’ll fuck you and.suck you
She’ll gnaw: on your nuts
And if you’re not careful
She'll suck out your guts
She'll fuck for a nickel
Take less or take more
That hard-fucking, cock-sucking
Mexican whore.
WHEN I ’M FEELING LOW -or- ..... ., u i. \ •, f*.
THE MASTURBATION SONG ..,.4» "2L .?**** 1 J*
Ito“ Funiculi, PSScula) ^ U ^
Last night I stayed up late to masturbate, 0
It felt so good
I knew it would.
Last night I stayed up late to masturbate, 0
It felt so nice
I did it twice. . . . r :
Wow, you should have seen me on the long strokes
It felt so ne'at
I used my feet
Wow, you should have seen me on the short strokes
It felt so grand 1
I used my hand. ,
Pound it, ground it, slam it on the floor
Pump it,’hump it, clump it on the door
There are those perverted souls
Who think that intercourse is grand
But I would rather stay at home
And run it off by hand.
\ 'cOJv' U* v^vui?/1
THE DRIVER
Driver is a friend of mine
He will do it anytime
For a nickel or a dime
Fifteen cents for' overtime
Homosexuality
Fits his personality
Have you had your sex today?
No^ I had mine yesterday.
THE. WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS
14-
VAGI NA £ Cdh
Hot vagina" "for' your" breakfast"'
'Hot vagina's quite a treat
Hot vagina for your lunch
Hot Vagina can' t he- heat
• V A
vi
A'
It's delicious and nutritious
Bite size and. ready to eat ..,
;So take a tip from Tom'
1 Go and eat.your Mom * . .
_ For hot vagina can't he heat.,.
He’s got the teeny, weeny peeny ' ■ ■ . . . : •. •'
in his hands (3 times) y : COOL - ■
He's got the whole world . .....':' : * i ' - .• ; -a - «■'
in his hands. I'm as cool as the tip of an
Eskimo's tool- ' •
He's got the: long» strong dong I'm as cool as a fish in a
in his hands . . (3 times) frozen pool , :
He's got the whole world I'm as cool as a pane' of
in his hands. frozen glass • • * ‘ ‘
• . • I'm as cool- as1 the^ring around
He's got the slick, stick prick- a polar bear's ass. rrn;; v:,
He's got the neatest fetus- "
He's got the firm. sperm germ- _GEE,: BUT IT'S GREAT w.
He's got the cubic pubic- . : -Vh v 1u
He's got the phallus of malice- Gee, but it'3 great
After eating your date
: . Brushing your teeth with a comb
WESTWOOD HIGH
.iVvv'r Tfl 1 ■ ,;
High above Pacific Waters ” .
Stinking to the sky
Stands a two-bit alma mater
Known as Westwood High
Mighty campus, mighty buildings,
Mighty trees and grass,
You can take your mighty campus
And shove it up your ass
PUBIC HAIRS ?J
Pubic hairs, you've got the :
cutest little pubic hairs
There are no finer anywhere,
Pubic hair, penis, or vagina,
nothing could be finer
Pubic hairs, it's just like
heaven when I'm in your
underwear,
I didn't need a shove,
I got a mouthful of
Your darling pubic hairs.
Gee, but it's fine
After going, sixty-nine-
To have her come- down on your bone ‘
Don't know why \
There ' sAlipsfick on my thigh —t
Sloppy blow-job. - ' ' •'p
Z -v«f «t/Uo-wJl
, THANKS ¡FOR 'THE 'MEMORY ' ' V
Oh, thanks for the memory . :
Of that night in Singapore
When I laid you on the floor '
You said you were a virgin,
¡But I knew, you were a whore
Oh,'thank you so much.
LET ME. CALL YOU. SWEETHEART
Let me call you sweetheart
I'm in bed with you.*
Let' me: pinch your boobies
Til their black and blue- f
Let me stroke your vulva ’£.-'2
Ti.l. it's filled with goo.
Let's play hide ...the weenie
Up your old wazho.
CHORUS
Bang-Bang Lulu
Bang-Bang Lulu
¥ho you gonna bang on
When Lulu moves away.
Good Night*
Ladies)
Horses wear bridles
Horses wear bits
Lulu wears a halter
To cover up her tits.
r.
RING-A-LING
15
(Tune: Sailors
Hornpipe ) ...
Ring-a-ling Goddamn
Find a; whore if you ...pan :
If you can’t find a. whore
Find a . dirty, old. man :
If you're ever in Gibraltar
Take a flying fuck at Walter
Can you do the double-shuffle
When your balls hang low
/ Lulu had a boy friend
His name was Diamond Dick-. j
Some girls liked his diamonds^
But Lulu liked his prick.
Lulu had a chicken
Lulu had a duck
She put 'em both together:
To see if they would fuck - j •;
Some girls work in factories
Some girls work in stores,
But Lulu works in a little house
With forty other whores
Do your balls hang low
Do they wobble to and fro
Can you'tie, ’em in. a knot
Can you tie ’em in a bow
Can you throw 'em 6'er your shoulder
i ■ Like a continental soldier
Can you do the dohble shuffle
When your balls hang low , .
•MART ,JANE BARNES (?**.
Mary Jane Barnes is the
She cab do the tricks
That'll give the boys the shits
I wish I was a ring
Upon my Lulu's hand
And every time she scratched her ass
I'd see the promised land
She can shoot green peas
Through her fundamental orifice
3 ..- v-:.
She's a great big sori-6f-a-bitch
Rich girls use Kotex ,
Poor girls use rags
But Lulu’s hole is so damned big
She uses burlap bags
'bout twice as big as me
Hair on her ass like branches on
' a tree ' ,
She can run, jump, fight, fuck
Climb a tree or drive5 a truck
I wish I was an apple
A-hanging on a tree
And every time that Lulu passed
She'd take a bite of me.
Rich girl uses a rubber
Poor girl uses a skin
But Lulu doesn't give a damn
But takes it all the way in
That's fbe kind of girl that's
gonna marry me. ' . ..
****** -
A pervert named Ross Caballero
Attempted a small English sparrow
But a feeling of guilt
: -Caused his penis to wilts
Besides, the bird's cunt was too
narrow.
BETA SONG
Down in Bohoggus, Tennessee,
Lived a half-assed family
And the father shoveled horseshit
in the street| ;
And one day when I was young
He found a diamond in the' dung
And a "Beta" I decided I would be
■ ■
********
(Beta song cont.)
; ^ In the chapter- room I sit
With, my fingers dipped in shit
The, shadow of. my dork upon the wall
And the actives as they pass
Ram, three fingers up my ass
In the memory of Beta Theta'Hall»
CHORUS .
So strokeJ stroke! you*master-Betas
Raise your foaming cocks on high
And we'll drink another glass
To the perfect horse's ass
The sisterhood of Beta Theta Pi
/ „
t Ml
(chorus) Mote
■■■***** 5©u£C^
■ This 'place reserved for Co-op ' a.
playmate of the month: or, 4r~ j" *
Five-Finger Exercise time.. ^
Instead of a study break, try
a masterbreak.
Dollar )
GREEN-BACK pattii
I know a girl named-Paitii Anne
She lives-iii Tarzana town
She's real'nice, sugar:and spice,
'And she does it every time, poor boy,
She does it every time*’ •
(CHORUS)
1
And she don't give a damn about a contraceptive
Doesn't use 'em anyway
Just hangs around, and goes on down ;
All you gotta do is pay, poor boy,
All you gotta do is pay. _
• When Pattii was a little girl
■Her parents said to her
If. you want to be rich, just be a bitch
Make your living in a. bed, poor girl,
Make your living . in ..a- bed.
chorus----
When Pattii Anne was twelve years old
She had her first, lay :
In the,barn. under ;the.hay
Is where she had her,lay, poor boy,
,; . , Is .where she had her lay.
chorus----
: , ; ... Now. that Pat's a grown girl
She's been down time after time
She's a bitch, but she ain't rich
Pat’s only worth a dime, poor boy,
Pat's only worth a dime.
XCHORUS)
GIRL
BOY-
■ M-O-T-H-E-R
M is for the many times you made .me
0 is for the other, times you tried
T is for the tawdry frai house weekends _
H is for the horny way you pied "^
E is for the everlasting passion
R is for the ruin you made of me
Put them all together,’ thèy spell mother
That's what I think I'm going to be.
*
F is for your funny correspondence
A is for this answer that I write
T 'is for the tearful sad occasion
H is for your hope I'll do you right
E is for the ease with which I made you
R is for the roué you fear I'll beh :i :
Put them all together, they spell father
And that's a rap you'll never pin on me.
.16
une: Puff, the Magic Dragon)“'...'
CHORUS:
Oh, Puff the magic fucker
Had a ten foot rod
And all he did all day long
Was stick it into broads
(repeat)
Little layin’ Annie
Had a giant twat
But after Puff was through with
her
Her twat was in a knot
(CHORUS)
Together they would travel
Puff and all the girls
They would have a lot of fun
His hair would end up curled
Puff, he had a nickname
They called him 01’ Slick Dick
And on every weekend date
They’d lick his giant prick
(CHORUS)
One gray night it happened
His rod would spring no more
No matter how hard Old Puff tried
He couldn’t lay a whore
His head was bowed in sorrow
Cum drops fell like rain ^
Now it hangs some ten feet down
Gets caught in his shower drain
.(CHORUS) £
So Puff became a faggot
All the boys he did adore
He would use his ten-foot rod
To take off young men’s drawers
Vt
17
FRIGGING IN THE RIGGING
Frigging in the rigging
Frigging in the rigging
Frigging in the rigging
There’s nothing else to do.
It was on the good ship Venus
My God, you should have seen us
The, figure head was a whore in bed
Sucking the captain’s penis
(Chorus)
The captain’s daughter Mabel
Whenever she was able
Would masturbate the second mate ,
upon the chartroom table ,
(chorus)
The cabin boy was chipper . ;
He was a dirty nipper
He lined his ass with broken glass
And circumsized the skipper
(chorus) ?
Thé first mate was named Randy
My God, he was a dandy
He jerked his meat ¿s à daily treat
And pissed in the Captain’s brandy
(chorus)
It was at the China station
We de feated the Chine s e natiOn
We sank a junk in a sea of punk
Through mutual masturbation.
JAMAICA FAREWELL (Vr^\£Jb)
Down the way where the twats are gay
And the cunts are hot when they get
juicy :Vi
I took a trip on a flying tit
And when I got to Jamaica I got some
The police finally caught him
And locked that iron gate
Now he sits around all day
Does nothing but masturbate.
(CHORUS)
MINI THE COLLEGE WIDOW
Mimi the college widow,
pride of the university.
Mimi the college widow,
taught all the boys anatomy.
Mimi the college widow,
to know her was to love her
that’s for sure (damn sure)
She laid the cornerstone of know-r
ledge,
Hell, she laid the whole damn
college,
Mimi the college widow. • .
pussy.
CHORUS .....
I’m sad to say I’m on my way
Won’t get laid for many a day
My dick is down, my balls are turning
around
I had to fuck a little whore in
Kingston town.
Down at the whore house you can hear
Whores cry out as on their backs they
lay
Candy cunts, salt-water tit is nice,
And the fucking is fine any time of
year --
(CHORUS)
Down the way where the twats are gay
And the fucking whores sway to and fro
I must admit I’ve bit some tit
And fucked from Maine to Mexico.
;--- -SONG (Humoresque)
. < , . ... J/'v. "M f
':.T c..l
All passengers"Will please refrain •
From. flushing?:toi‘l^ts,;:whileljbhe-;;idCain
Is in the station-- darling I:love- you
18
' '■ > X
,!• ,o .
¥e encourage constipation ^
While ;the' train is in the station’.
Moonlight always makes me think of you.
If you wish to pass some water--,-.
Kindly call the pullman porter
He’ll place aVessel in the vestibule
If a porter isn’t here ; ;
Try the; platform in the' rear 'Lr‘'
The one in front is likely to be"full.
If the women’s room be . taken • .: ,
Don’t be one bit .forsaken ■ r
Never show a sign of sad defeat.;
Try the men ’ s room- acro ss the - hall •'
And if some man has had the/call.;
He’ll kindly .relinquish, you,his seat.
, ’,;C ■
If. these;, ¡efforts appear ;in vain,
Quickly break- a .window, pane ,... ;■,
This novel method is used by very few. .;
.. ..{ •: ....
■ r • r
;
r: r
/ ,>; o
■r,- •
r-
We go strolling .-through the park
Goosing: statues- in: the . dark -r
If Sherman's horses., .can take it,-;so ¡ can you.
zioic • jc ;.
)‘.:h i.i' t ■
^•-ht TU'W - •:
h- .;»*i , vq } */ T .)•]•
/.li , ;‘X
• ;t;.T bJO
v ' ?r ’ V
n »;
/ ....
::v
M’ •' •'
’¿.TO h Six
rr .1 r t •
•
• t h v;0'fo>f r
VC :
: i r
- MOTHER; ?FU CKER ’ S BALL
Heyi They’re havin' a ball
Where? ; :
At the mother fucker's ball:
V i'.L.l
i ’■ >
-i p/; g:. I
Oh, they're havin' a ball at the mother fu-&kehL&!i-’ballf • i>
The wiggeons and the pigeons gonna be there all - " v""'r v; "
They start passin' ' out pussy ’bout t quarter-' to eight'' "'- -- ' ;
S.o, mother fuck, mother fuck’, don’t be late**' ......
Well, I’ve had it .in London, and'I’ve had it in Spain
I’ve hhd it on tHe-rock-bound coast of Maine ••-ä.v-ik
But the best piece of them dll
•Was, when I - got my mother-in-law ■ * :--r .
v Last Saturday night, at the mother-fucker’ s ballH
f •* * ' • .. ‘
-THESE FOOLISH ;THINGS,“'REMIND ME' OF;YOU
Ten pounds of boobie in a An old dead ’fetus on a. marble
loose brassiere f ; slab ::
■Aqtwat that, -twitches, like .a t A tb'bthless blow job In a taxi J
.•moose's ear '•• cab
A dried, up cum drop in my - . A great big hard oh with a
bottle of beer ■ . syphilitic scab „ •
These foolish things remind me These foolish'things remind me
of you. of you.
' L-'LM'g«tCfer>1
DOWN -BY THE RIVER PARDEE 1.9
Down by the river Pardee,Pardee
Down by the river Pardee ■ --^d:
Where nothing is heard but ; V ;■ - [
the' slush of a turd t , «>- r
Down by the river Pardee I'
There' once., was a young man
named Dan .: ., \’
Who was an extraordinary man..
'When he got excited
His prick x-xtracited
And stretched/.from Burma to Siam ■
There was a young girl from Leeds,
Who swallowed a package of seeds .;
All Kinds of grass ;;.rr
Grew out of her ass
And her twat wds covered with weeds
There was a young lady from.
Itstwich ;
Who took grain to a mill to
make grist
But a miller named Jack;.;
Laid her flat oh her back
And united the organs they . -j .
pissed with ;,r ::j
There was a young man from V.an . /
Horn • . .r • ; ,
Who .never should have been bom
B^t wheh his dad shoved it in '■ :
The rubber was thin ; ' '
And in one.place it was torn ;
The he was a young man named
McRawls ; .... ,
wno did his apt: in town, halls
His favorite trick
Was to spit on his dick:
And to slide off the stage on
his.balls
There was,a young lady from '
Carolina ;
Who had a rhe.ostatkfor a vagina
She could lay: all day
With a man in Bombay
While solicitingAin Plina
••• . . : 1 • ’ I S'
There:, was a young lady from
Azores .;.
Whose cunt was covered with .sores
Not -a dog in the street ,;y
Would touch the meat
That hung in festoons from her
twat
In the garden of.Eden lay Adam
Stroking the ass of his madame.
He nolled over in mirth ,,
’Cause he knew on all earth
There were only two balls, and
. he had’em" ■■ •"
There was a young lady named
Foster -
Whose parents thought they
had lost her
But out on the grass
Was the print of her ass , •
And the knees of|the man who
had crossed her
There was an old'man from Rangoon
Who was-born by the light of the
moon
He had not the¿luck
To be -born of a fuck v-
But. a• wet dream scraped up with
a spoon .
There once was a girl from
Seattle
Who delighted.in sucking off
cattle
Then a bull from the South
Went"off in hemmouth
And made her ovaries rattle;
A luscious young:thing named . ^
• .Miss Trevor - d
Was cute and exceedingly clever :
To..damp her beau ’ s ardor
She put Pins in her garter
To spike' the poor fellow’s ;
endeavor;7. ’• ' ’ ,
A girl attending Bryn Mawr
Committed .a dreadful faux pas
She loosened a stay :
In her Decollete i
Exposing her Je Ne Sais Quois
There, was a young, lady from
France .'.
Who walked down the Bus de la
Canse ' .
She met a, young Turk f
Who got in a'good work
And now she can ’ t button her •.
- pants
There -was a young girl who begat
Three babies named Pat* Nat, and Tat
It was fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding
When she found there1 was no tit for
Tat.
There was a young girl from Peru
Who decided her loves were too few
So she walked from her door
With a fig leaf, no more,
And now she's in bed—with the flu.
There once was a man named Bachrach
Who played the viol with his cock
With massive erections
He rendered selections
Prom Johann Sebastian Bach.
There once was a girl from Milpitas
Who had a great yen for coitus
Her athlete friend
Had an itch on his end
And now she has athlete’s foetis.
A magnificent lady from Vorchester
Once dreamed that a film star sed-
orcester
She awakened to find
It was all in her mind
Just a lump in the mattress that
gorcestor.
There once was a farmer named Fritz
Who planted an acre of tits
They came up in the fall
Pink nipples and all
And by spring he had chewed them to
bits.
There was a young lady from Brussels
Accused of wearing two bustles
i She said, "It’s not true
i It’s a thing I shan’t do
You're simply observing large muscles
¡There once was a pirate named Bates
Who did the fandango on skates
He fell on his cutlass
j Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
There once was a girl from Detroit
Who at fucking proved quite adroit
She could contract her vagina
To a pinpoint or finer
Or enlarge it to the size of a quoit,
¡There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose prick was so long he could suck
it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
?’If my ear were a cunt, I would
fuck it."
PARDEE (cunt.) 20
There once was a girl out of Dallas
Who used a dynamite stick for a
phallus ~
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her clitorus in Buckingham
Palace.
There once was a couple named Kelly
Who were found stuck belly to belly
They had in their haste
Used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.
There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said, "I’ll admit
I’m a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save."
There .once was a young man from
Sparta
Who was a phenomenal farter
He could fart anything
Prom God Save the Queen
To Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata
He would fart a Gavotte for a
starter
Then the theme from the Coffee
Cantata
He would boom from his ass
Bach’s B Minor Mass
And in counterpoint La Traviatta
There was a young man from Lagore
Whose cock was one inch and no more
It was good for keyholes
And little girl’s peeholes
But no good for fucking a whore.
There was a young man in Essene ^
Who invented a fucking machine
Concave or convex
It fit either sex
And played with itself in between.
There was a young girl from Paw-
tucket v
Who went to hell in a bucket
Who, when asked for a fare
Pulled her dress up in the air
And said, "Play with it, kiss it,
There once was a young girl of Prance
Who boarded a train in a trance
The engineer fucked her
As did the conductor
And the fireman went off in his
pants.
THE RIVER PARDEE (cunt*)
There once was a monk from Siberia '
Who met a nun from Liberia
He did to that nun
What had never been done
And now she's a Mother Superior*
There once was a bishop from Lee
Who went to the river to pee
He said "Pax Vobiscum"
Why won't the piss come
Could- it. be I have C.L.A.P.?"
An oversexed 1ady named White
Insists on a dozen a night
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the brashness to wed her
His chance of survival is slight.
A young lad with passions quite gin-
gery
Tore a hole in his sister's best lin-
gerie •
He pinched her behind
Then made.up his mind
To add incest to insult to injury.
One night a girl had an affair
With a fellow all covered with hair
Then she picked up his hat
And realized that
She'd been had by Smokey the Bear.
There once was a monk from Siberia
Whose life grew drearier and drearier
He came from his cell
With a hell of a yell
And eloped with the mother superior.
There once was a young man from Bos-
ton,
Who bought himself an Austin
He had room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost
1 em*
There once was a woman named Brewer
Who boasted nobody could screw her
Along came a fink
With an iron-alloy dink
And rammed it all the way through her
From the staid stone walls of St.
Giles
Came a scream that was heard for
miles
Said a monk, "Goodness gracious
I fear Brother Ignatius
Has forgotten the rector has piles."
A clever commercial female
Had prices tattooed on her tail
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
A duplicate version in Braille,
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
Over which had the right
To do what, and with which, and
to whom*
A broken-down harlot named Tupps
Was heard to confess in her cups
"The height of my folly
Was wooing a collie
But I got a nice price for the
pups."
There once was a girl from Mobile
Whose vagina was as hard as steel
To derive her thrills
She Used diamond drills
And off-center emery wheels.
There was a young maiden from Siam
Who sàid to her lever Khyamm
"To seduce me of course
You will have to use force I
Thank goodness you're stronger than
‘I am."
There was a young lady from Morway
Who hung by her heels in a doorway
She told her young man
"Get off the divan. .. ..
I think I've discovered ohe mòre way*
•There once was a man from Bel-Air
Who was fucking his wife on the stair
The bannister broke
But he doubled his stroke
And finished, her off in mid-r-air.
A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd just "take a chance"
She let herself go
For an hour so so
And iiow all her sisters are aunts.
There was a young lady named Hager
Who, as the result of a wager
Consented to fart
The hole oboepart
To Mozart's Quartet in F Major.
There once was a man named Grost
Who had relations with a ghost
He said with a spasm
At the height of orgasm
"I think I can feel" it—almost."
Who was constantly jerking his
gherkin
His wife said, "McGherkin, quit
jerking your gherking .
Your shirkin' your ferkin
YOU BASTARD" ‘
MORE RipR:f jmDEE,.(cunt.)
22
There,was a young lady from
Sidney
Who could take it clear, up, to
her kidney
But a man from Quebec ••
Shoved it up to her neck
He had a big.one- didn't he?
There once was a man from Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
The heat of his erection
Caused a reaction
And wore all his foreskin away
There was a young man from, Clyde
Who went in a shithouse and died
And then - 'there •'s his brother
Who died:in another .
And now they're interred side by
side
There was a youiig man named McGee ‘
Who buggered an,..ape in a tree r There was a young .lady from. York
The result, was.;most horrid ,. Who Was greatly adverse to the
All ass and no forehead --..a.'.stork
Three balls s.nd a purple goatee But no matter how firm f
.... -¡She -;£earbd no prick's sperm
There was a young lady from Thrace For she plugged it up first with
Whose corsets grew too tight to a cork
lace
Her mother .said, "Nelly, There' s. There? price • wad u man from Bel Air
more in your belly Who tried to bugger a bear
Then ever got in through your ' But the' ¡beast was a brute
face" ' Took' a'swipe qt his root
. . And left nothing but testes
There was a young lady named Ransome and. hair.
’ Whb was fucked six times in,, a
hansom
As she lay on,the floor
Panting for more
He cried,"My name's Simpson, not
Sampson"
The. wife of a1 young man named Bole
Has a sense of humor most droll :
To a masquerade ball "
She wore nothing at all • • ¡.l
And: come in as a Parker House
Roll
There was a young lady from Arden
Who was' blowing a man in a garden
He said in a huff, .
"Do you swallow that stuff?"
She answered him, "Gulp, beg
your pardon?"
There, once was a man from Grant's
pass ■ '!';
Whose scrotum was made out of •
. •. brass
When his balls clanged together
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his ass
There was a young man,from Kent
Whose prick was so long that it
: bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And in coming — he- went
There was a young man from
Rangoon
Whose farts were heard to the
moon .. . ' . .
When you'd least expect 'em •
They'd roar from his rectum
With the. sound, of an eastern y'
typhoon
The Work Manager gets his- ’ ' 'y/Ci
•. delight ' " '
From a game, he plays every, night
With his penis in hand
He really feels grand
Switching from left hand to
right
There was a Scot named McGherkin
Who was constantly jerking his
gherkin
His wife said, "McGherkin, quit.
jerking your gherking ..
Your shirkin' your ferkin
YOU BASTARD" ; •
PURDEE ,.(cunt.)
There.was a young lady from
Sidney
Who could take it clear up; to
her kidney ,::
But a man from Quebec •
Shoved it up to her neck
He had a big one didn't he?
There once was a man from Bombay.
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay’
The heat of his erection
Caused a reaction
And wore all his foreskin away
There was a. young man named McGee
Who buggered an ape in a tree
The result, was .most horrid
All ass and no forehead
Three balls s.nd a purple goatee
There was a young lady from Thrace For she plugged it up first with
Whose corsets grew too tight to a cork
lace
Her mother said, "Nelly, There's, There?¡price• wa£;-a• man from Bel Air
more in your belly Who tried to bugger a bear
Then ever got in through your But the.’ beast was a brute
face" ’ Took'a 'swipe at his root
. And left 'nothing but testes
There was a young lady named Ransome and hair..
)iihO was fucked six times in. a
hansom The. wife' of a young man named Bole
is she lay on the floor : : Has a sense of humor most droll
Panting for more To a masquerade ball '
ie cried,"My name's Simpson, not She wore nothing at all • • : .i •
Sampson" ' ' ■ • And come in as a Parker House
.Roll
There was a young man from Clyde
Who went in a■shithouse and died
And then-there's his brother
Who died;in another
And now they're interred side by
side
There was a:young .lady from.York
Who Was greatly adverse to the
-. .. stork j- • \
But no matter how firm J
there wasa young lady from Arden
tfhd was blowing a man in a garden There was a young man from
le said in a huff, . _ Rangoon
’Do you swallow that stuff?" Whose farts were heard to the
»he answered him, "Gulp, beg ..moon ... / . . .
your pardon?" Whin you'd least expect 'em •
, They'd roar from his rectum
'here.once was a man from Grant's With-.the. sound: of an eastern • ..
pass typhoon ' ^
hose scrotum was made out of •- : V ,^0-
. . brass The Work Manager gets his* 1 ^
hen his balls clanged togather . delight ■
hey played "Stormy Weather" From a game he plays every night
nd lightning shot out of his ass With his penis in hand
He really feels grand
here was a young man,from Kent Switching from left hand to
hose prick was so long that it right ... . ..
: bent
o save himself trouble
s put it in double
ad in coming — he went
- ----- _ ----— PS. I am interested in any printed matter (pro or con) about
L .A . H . the Garrison trial in Now Orleans, assuming it is allowed to
start, and Oswald doesn’t come to life and assassinate Gar-
rison t Many people in Europe are very keyed up about this thing.
8 February 1968
This note thanking you for your thought of me, in sanding the UCIA song
folio is this delayed in arriving, because the folio itself Just arrived today though
sent at New Tears 1 The French mails are ghastly slow always, but for Xmas they really
lay down on the job! Thank you vsiy much for this collection. I must be losing my
eyesight correcting proofs for Rationale of the Dirty Joke (volume I, of 2, should
be out this summer or fall), as it was not till I was halfway through, and got up to
answer an interruption at the door that I noticed your provenance note and critique
on the back of the first page.
Obviously, everything you say about it is true. The genre is getting orualler
and awfuller all the time, without giving any real symptoms of being ready to die.
Meanwhile, the folksong revival seams pretty near dead, having been replaced in both
America and Franos by add-reek, which ia obviously intended to be listened to under
hash or LSD: anyhow you can't listen to It any other way without going insane — the
hashishins are doubtless insane already: of those who take LSD there is no longer any
doubt...that's why they call it psychomimetio anyhow, isn't it? (Catatonic and hebe-
phrenic covers most of those I've seen.)
I suppose it is true about the songsheet this is supposed to be based on, but
I would love to find out more about that. Do you have Mr. & Mrs. Soloski's address,
or do you suppose I oould address him o/o the Law Dept at UCIA? I will be very oir-
oumspeot until I get a oandid answer from them. I never did hear f!ron Don HLggsnbo-
than at all (trust that is correctly with an "e" and not an "i"): address was 3117
( ' Wens Avenue, Waco, Texas. I'll try again if no other address is available. And never
bad any address at all for J. Fagan, of the Naval folklore paper. Can you help here?
Have not yet followed up the limerick supplement at Indiana, as I am net sure who to
write to: they would make xeroxes I assume (as the Kinsey's will not..not usually),
but how oan you xerox index-cards? Is there anyone there I oould ask, for a grad-
student fee, perhaps, to work of hand or typewritten oopiea of all those items that
_the collector said were NOT in The Limerick?
Assuming you yourself have retained a copy of the UCIA folio, here is a list
—------of the items I consider to be "nonoe" (some people say "fake") probably with the
fraternity men or ultimate editors (by pages and titles): l/ California Fuoking
Song; The Faggot Golden Bear (both); 3/ Hanna [Not stirs about this: last stanza
looks authentic]; 6/ Money Rolls In Clast two stanzas); 8/ Ball at Balleynoor; Cats
on the Bsof Top (something phoney about both of these, as they avoid verbal unexpur-
gaiety: oould these be from Oscar Brand's recordings or other perverted feedback?);
9/ (Inoipit:) Well, the nipples on her titties [Authentic, of course. This is the
most interesting item to me in the whole folio. I believe it is Negro in origin:
there is a recording or tape—which I don't have—on which a Negro woman singer
dees a song very similar, but breaks up at a line about "The orabs on her asss were..."
and I never got the text transcribed, nor heard the rest of it. Powerful rhythm, like
a talking-blues.] 10/ Jesus loves me; 12/¡Led, Red [Not sure about this]/ 12/ Banging
the Craok (probably authentic; what is this rhythm or tune a pardbdy of???) 14/ Pubic
Hairs (authentic; what is the tune, "Frenesi"???); 14/ Vagina (authentic; what is this
a parody of, Pepsi Cola song, or wet???) / 14/ Let Me Call Tou Sweetheart (nonce?)/
16/ Green-Back Pattii / 17/Puff; Mini (??); Jamaica Far swell ./Would be interested
to know if you oonour, Doctor!?! Best personal wishes, and thanks again. What
have you lined up for your own future? Tours,
. ■ ■ ■-r~ 3; (.- v*1 a, .
Landfair, UCLA, on the UCLA campus (Los Angeles). The Co-Op House is composed
mostly of "emergency" male students, who presumably have economic and housing
difficultjri.es of one kind or another. This collection was distributed either
in place of or as a supplement to the weekly unsupervised newspaper issued by
the Co-Op. It was produced in the jmid-1960s, and this copy was xeroxed from an
original owned by Warren Solokki, now a law student at UCLA. His wife, Judith
Gaynor Soloski, turned this in to me for duplication purposes on December 6,
1967, at the end of my Introduction to Folklore class. The collection is
striking in its concentration on the extremely hostile, aggressive, violent,
and obscene college songs to the exclusion of most others.
Richard A. Reuss