GEORGE MONTEIRO
PARODIES OF SCRIPTURE, PRAYER, AND HYMN
PARODIES OF BIBLICAL EPISODES and attacks upon clergy couched satirically
in the language and forms of scripture are part and parcel of literary tradition. There
are venerable examples of Biblical parodies, for example, in Hebrew literature and
folklore.1 In England, however, the first great age of religious drollery lasted from the
eleventh to fifteenth centuries. Besides the burlesque of scripture and all the Church
offices, sacred parody took other forms. In A Survey of Burlesque and Parody in Eng-
lish, George Kitchin writes:
The complete service of the Mass was applied to the worship of Bacchus and Venus, and of
gaming. We have an excommunication pronounced by order of Venus, and the hymns to
the Virgin are turned into mock hymns in honour of wine. The mock Regula Libertini
appears more than once. The Church catechism and Paternoster, and even the school
grammar-book were regularly parodied, the victims being monks, peasants, and potentates.
Erotic stories were told in the language of the Bible. Saints' lives were parodied. In short
there was no language too sacred for the monkish parodist to defile, no ritual too solemn.
Every experience of the cleric from his Latin grammar to the Office for the Dead and his
Testament was made to contribute to the fool's game.2
After a hiatus of approximately a century, the i6oo's brought about a revival of
Christian parody. Encouraged by the Reformation, the weapons of satire and parody
were once again brought forth. There are parodies of the Credo, Pater and Ave,
satirical Noels and burlesque Masses, Paternosters "of Wine" and "of Love," and a
"Usurers' Paternoster." Evidently it was not blasphemous to pray in the midst of a
sermon at Paul's Cross: "Our Pope, who are in Rome, cursed be thy name." 3
It is notable that most of the examples of such parodies that have come down to
us, even though they exist in quasi-literary form, show unmistakable signs of folk
tradition. Historically, of course, there is little or no chance to determine just what
part specific folk materials played in the genesis of the written versions we possess.
Unfortunately there are no collections, not even for the nineteenth century, of what
was clearly a flourishing folk tradition. There are literary examples, such as Arthur
Hugh Clough's poem "The Latest Decalogue" and Swinburne's parody of the 137th
Psalm "Super Flumina Babylonis," but of genuine folk materials there seem to be
only a few scattered examples. Although my own small group of contemporary texts
can hardly be called extensive, its range suggests that religious parody, having virtually
disappeared as a literary form,4 nevertheless maintains an active folk life.
Collection of the items given here was prompted by Ray B. Browne's note in
the Journal of American Folklore a few years ago, calling attention to this unin-
vestigated "veinlet of folklore," and offering seven examples—four of the prayer of
Grace, two of the familiar children's night-time verse beginning "Now I lay me," and
one of the Twenty-third Psalm.5 The items given below, unless otherwise noted, were
collected in Rhode Island. Beyond those examples which fit Browne's two categories
of prayer and Bible, there are parodies of the Christian service for the Burial of the
Dead, Christmas carols, scriptural phrases, and familiar hymns.
46 Vol. 77, No. 303 Journal of American Folklore Jan.-March, 1964
The first few texts parody a prayer whose great popularity in America dates
probably from The New-England Primer in 1727. A recent analogue, printed as a
nursery rhyme, of what is undoubtedly the best remembered example of bedtime
verse, is "Now I lay me down to sleep, / I pray the Lord my soul to keep; / And if I
die before I wake, / I pray the Lord my soul to take." 6
1a. Now I lay me down to sleep,
My hot-rod parked across the street.
If it should roll before I wake,
I pray the Lord to use the brake.
1b. Now I lay me down to sleep,
I parked my hot-rod at my feet.
If it should roll into the lake,
I pray the Lord will use the brake.
2a. Now I lay me down to sleep,
A bag of apples at my feet.
If I should die before I wake,
You'll know I died of a stomach ache.
2b. Now I lay me down to sleep,
A bag of peanuts at my feet.
If I should die before I wake,
I must have died of a tummy-ache.
2C. Now I lay me down to sleep,
A bag of peanuts at my feet.
If I should die before I wake,
Give them to my brother Jake.7
A foreshortened version was heard from a ten-year-old who told it with wicked relish.
3. Now I lay her on the bed,
I pray the Lord I'll use my head.
The centuries-old charm-prayer beginning "Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, /
Bless the bed that I lie on"—known traditionally as one form of "The White Pater-
noster" 8—is echoed in the vestige of a hobby-horse rhyme that my informant told me
he has known for nearly fifty years.
4. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,
Hold the donkey till I get on.9
The next six items are examples of the many forms and varieties of the prayer
of Grace.10
5. Good bread, good meat;
Good God, let's eat!
6. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost;
The one who eats the fastest gets the
most.
7. Bless us Father before we eat;
He who reaches last gets least.
(Boston, Massachusetts)
8. 'Twas yes, Ma'am, and no, Ma'am,
And Ma'am, if you please;
'Twas up the duck's arse
I stuck the green peas.
9. Bless these cakes
And bless these pies,
And all the girls
In the following story the prayer of Grace is parodied throughout, for the jest
depends upon how the visitor, ultimately given his opportunity, will pervert further
the farmer's original perversion in order to gain his revenge.
10. A couple was visiting a farmer and his wife. The farmer's son and daughter-in-law
were also visiting. On the first day at dinner, the farmer said Grace—
God bless me and my wife,
My son and his wife,
Us four and no more.
Parodies of Scripture 47
The visitors got pretty angry at being left out, but said nothing. On the second day it
was the son who said Grace—
God bless me and my wife,
My dad and his wife,
Us four and no more.
The visitors were wild, but again they said nothing. On the third day the visitor said
Grace—
God bless me and my wife,
God damn you and your wife,
Your son and his wife,
You four and no more.
The Roman Catholic prayer to the Virgin is parodied in different ways. Numbers
11 and 16b were collected from a teen-aged girl, the others from adults. Since all but
number 14 were collected from Catholics, it is interesting that the only printed parody
of "Hail Mary" that I have come upon dates from the Reformation. Clearly "one of
the many Protestant flings at Popery"—to quote James Hardy, who collected it—it
reads: "Hail Mary! full of grace, / Popu-larry, curtail face; / Egg shells, goose
quills, / Knob sticks, sparrow bills." n
11. Hail Mary, full of grace;
I've got a king, who's got an ace?
12. Hail Mary, full of grace;
Give me a horse in the second race.
13a. Hail Mary, full of grace;
Hit the ball and run to base.
13b. Hail Mary, full of grace;
Four balls, take your base.
13c. Hail Mary, full of grace;
Three strikes, take your base.
(Boston, Massachusetts)
14. Hail Mary, full of grace;
I hope the Lord will spit in your face.12
15. Hail Mary, full of grace;
At last the Protestants are in second
place.
In context, the last, which alludes to the victory of the Democratic party in the presi-
dential election of November, i960, is customarily preceded by a question such as
"Hear what Cardinal Spellman said at Kennedy's inauguration?"
The following version was collected in Boston from a man who said that he saw
it penciled on the wall of a laundromat in Pawtucket, Rhode Island—
16a. Hail Mary, full of grace;
God bless my boy friend's handsome face;
Bless his hands so big and strong;
Help him keep them where they belong.
A more extensive version comes from a teen-ager in Central Falls, R. I.
16b. Hail Mary, full of grace;
Bless my boy friends's handsome face.
Bless this heart that beats so fast
And make it last and last and last.
Bless his hair that curls
And make him stay away from other
girls.
Bless his hand so strong
And make it stay where it belongs.
Bless his parents all day long
Because it was for them he came along.
Bless us both that we may marry.
Bless his children that I may carry.
I love boys, both short and tall
But I love [any name] best of all.
48 Vol. 77, No. 303 Journal of American Folklore Jan.-March, 1964
The next eight texts are examples of the direct parody of well-known scriptural
phrases, a category not represented in Browne's list. Although only a few are given
here, it is reasonable to assume that such parodies are relatively common.
Job 1:2i ("the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of
the Lord") is given as—
17. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away;
Indian giver be the name of the Lord.
Matthew 20:16 ("for many be called, but few chosen") reads:
18. Many are cold, but few frozen.
Of the Beatitudes, Matthew 5:3-11—
19. Blessed are they who run around in circles:
for they shall be known as wheels.
and more specifically, Matthew 5:5—
20. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit
the earth—exactly six feet of it.
Matthew 25:30 ("I was a stranger, and ye took me in"), through a shift of normal
stress that distorts its traditional sense, becomes a complaint of perfidy :
21. I was a stranger, and ye too\ me in.
For Mar\ 8:36 ("For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world,
and lose his own soul?") a simple reversal:
22. What profiteth it a man to gain his soul and
lose the whole world.13
Ecclesiastes 11 :i ("Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after
many days")—
23. Cast thy bread upon the waters and it will come
back Lorna Doones.14
And finally, John 1 :i ("In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with
God") appears, according to a note in American Speech^ as a traditional Marine
complaint about the inefficiency and indecisiveness of superiors:
24. In the beginning was the word—and the word
was changed.
According to Kitchin, in the Middle Ages only the Testament rivalled the Office
of the Dead in popularity as a mode for religious parody. That the latter has retained
something of its pre-eminence is strongly suggested in the following group of eleven
items.
25a. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
If the Lord don't get me the devil must.
25b. Ash to ash, dust to dust
If God don't take you the Devil must.16
26. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
If it wasn't for your arse, your belly
would bust.
27a. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
If you don't kiss your lips will rust.
Parodies of Scripture 49
27b. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
If it wasn't for [any name's] kisses,
your lips would rust.17
27c. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
If it wasn't for the girls' lips,
my lips would rust.18
28. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
I like peanut butter. Do you like
roller-skating?
29. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
If Meccas don't get you, Fatimas must.
30. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
Two twin beds and only one of them
mussed.
(Boston, Massachusetts)
31. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
If you don't like my song, get your
hand off my bust.
32. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
You look better with a knife in your
Most schoolchildren know versions of the "Battle Hymn of the Republic." 20 One
parodies the opening:
33. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming
of the Lord:
He is coming down the road in a green and
yellow Ford.21
The next five focus on the chorus:
34a. Glory! glory! Hallelujah!
I hit the teacher with a ruler.
34b. Glory! glory! Hallelujah!
The teacher hit me with the ruler;
So I knocked her off the bean with
a rotten tangerine;
And she didn't speak to me again.
34c. Glory! glory! Hallelujah!
The teacher hit me with a ruler;
So I knocked her off the bean with
a rotten tangerine;
And I ain't seen the old goat since.
34d. Glory! glory! Hallelujah!
Teacher hit me with a ruler;
I stole a rotten tangerine and
bopped her off the bean;
So she didn't bother me no more.
34c Glory! glory! Hallelujah!
The teacher hit me with a ruler;
I clubbed her back with a rotten
tangerine,
And the iuice came running: down.
A more extensive version is sung on the last day of school—
34L My eyes are full of glory for the burn-
ing of the school:
We have crippled every teacher, we
have broken every rule;
We shot the superintendent, we shot
the principal;
And the school goes burning down.
Glory! glory! Hallelujah!
The teacher hit me with the ruler;
So I knocked her off the bean with a
rotten tangerine;
As the school goes burning down.
Glory! glory! Hallelujah!
My father hit me with a yardstick;
So I kicked him in the rear, so he
boxed my little ear;
As the school goes burning down.22
A familiar hymn is parodied:
35. Stand up, stand up for Jesus.
Or for Christ's sake sit down.23
50 Vol. 77, No. 303 Journal of American Folklore Jan.-March, 1964
"Carols, too, receive ludibrous attention" from children, write Iona and Peter Opie
in Lore and Language of Schoolchildren. And while five of the items which follow
were collected from children, two of the three versions of "Deck the Halls" (36, 37b)
and the parody of "Hark the herald angels sing" (40) were supplied by adults.24
36. Noel, noel, noel, noel,
Born is the King of H-E-L-L.
37a. We three Kings of Orient are,
Smoking on a rubber cigar;
It was loaded; it exploded—
BOOM
37b. We three Kings of Orient are,
Trying to smoke a rubber cigar;
It was loaded; it exploded—
We two Kings of Orient are.
We two kings of Orient are,
Trying to smoke a rubber cigar,
etc., etc.25
38. Deck the halls with poison ivy.
39a. Deck the halls with Balls of Charley,
Fa-la-la la-la, la-la la-la.
39b. Deck the Balls of Uncle Charley,
Fa-la-la la-la, la-la la-la.26
40. Uncle Joe and Auntie Mabel,
Did it at the breakfast table.27
41. God rest ye merry gentlemen,
And rest ye merry heart.
Feen-a-mints are just the thing,
They'll surely make you fart.
When you're sick and when you're dry
And when you need some booze,
Feen-a-mints are just the thing,
They're full of juicy chewz.
(O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,
O tidings of comfort and joy.)
God rest ye merry gentlemen,
And rest ye merry heart.
When you wake up at night
And to your funny foolish fright
And find you have a feeling
Classified as constipation,
You open up the Feen-a-mints
And then run to the station.
(O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,
O tidings of comfort and joy.)
Now that you are on the throne
And now you're feeling good
Remember always do
As Mother McCreedy would.
Open up some Feen-a-mints
And then run to the station.
Now you surely are relieved
Of constipation.
(O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,
O tidings of comfort and joy.)
The Twenty-third Psalm is parodied in the following item printed in the Village
Voice (22 March 1962), p. 2.28 The writer, John Wilcock, lists "Best Ford Jokes," a
title in the Little Blue Books series by Haldeman-Julius, as his source. Whether this
parody has ever been collected from the oral tradition is not known.
43. The Ford is my auto, I shall not want another.
It maketh me to lie down in mud puddles.
It destroyeth my soul.
It leadeth me into the paths of ridicule
for its name's sake.
Yea, though I ride through the valleys,
I am toweth up the hills,
Parodies of Scripture 51
It anointeth my face with oil,
My radiator runneth over.
Sure if this thing followeth me all the
days of my life
I will dwell in the poor house forever.
NOTES
i. Israel Davidson, Parody in Jewish Literature (New York, 1907), passim.
2. George Kitchin, A Survey of Burlesque and Parody in English (London, 1931), 2-3.
3. A. S. Martin, On Parody (New York, 1896), 17. I have recently heard a Portuguese parody
of the "Lord's Prayer"—Padre nosso, rilha-me este osso, que eu nao posso (Our father, gnaw this
bone for me, since I am not able).
4. Of course this is relative. Notable exceptions are Ernest Hemingway's "Neothomist Poem,"
published in the Exile (1927): "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want him / for long"
(reprinted in Philip Young, Ernest Hemingway [New York and Toronto, 1952], 148); some of
the entries in Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary (Collected Writings, introduction by Clifton
Fadiman [New York, 1946], 198, 220, 352); the parodic use of Christmas carols and prayers by
James Joyce, Finnegans Wake (New York, 1939), 58, 236, 377—cited in Mabel P. Worthington,
"Nursery Rhymes in Finnegans Wa\e" ]AF, LXX (1957), 40, 41, 43. A recent example of interest
is Paul Dehn's "From A Modern Hymnal," Qua\e, Qua\e, Qua\e (New York, 1961).
5. "Parodied Prayers and Scripture," JAF, LXXII (1959), 94.
6. The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes, edited by Iona and Peter Opie (Oxford, 1951),
221.
7. In Roc\et in My Pocket (New York, 1948), 197, Carl Withers [James West] prints a
variant for 2c, different only in the last line: "Give them to my sister Kate" (reprinted in Opie,
Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes, 221); while 2a appears in Florence Maryott, "Nebraska Counting
Out Rhymes," SFQ, I (1937), 59.
8. For accounts of the "White Paternoster" as a persuasive charm and prayer, see William J.
Thorns, "Chaucer's Night-Spell," Fol\-Lore Record, I (1878), 145-54; Evelyn Carrington, "A
Note on the White Paternoster,' " ibid., II (1879), 127-34; Countess Evelyn Martinengo-Cesaresco's
Essays in the Study of Fol^-Songs (London and New York [1886]), 163-70; and Leah Rachel
Clara Yoffie, "Chaucer's 'White Paternoster,' Milton's Angels, and a Hebrew Night Prayer,"
SFQ, XV (1951), 203-10. A "Black Pater Noster," bordering on demonic parody, is given in
The Denham Tracts II, ed. James Hardy (London, 1895), 12.
9. A bawdy variant from England is quoted by Joseph C. Hickerson and Alan Dundes,
"Mother Goose Vice Verse," JAF, LXXV (1962), 258 n: "Matthew, Mark, Luke and John / Hold
my cuddy (donkey) while I get on / If it kicks, pull its tail / If it shits, hold a pail." But there
are many other versions of this charm-prayer. See, for example, James Orchard Halliwell, The
Nursery Rhymes of England (London, 1842), 106—revised and enlarged as Popular Rhymes and
Nursery Tales (London, 1849), 11; Robert Chambers, The Popular Rhymes of Scotland (London
and Edinburgh, 1870), 149; Robert Ford, Children's Rhymes (Paisley, 1904), 53; Robert Craig
Maclagan, The Games & Diversions of Argyleshire (London, 1905), 251; E. C. Perrow, "Songs
and Rhymes From the South," JAF, XXIII (1913), 151; Iona and Peter Opie, / Saw Esau (Lon-
don, 1947), 63, 91; Withers, Rocket in My Pocket, 44-45; Iona and Peter Opie, Dictionary of
Nursery Rhymes, 305; Paul G. Brewster, "Children's Games and Rhymes," North Carolina Folk-
lore I, edited by Newman Ivey White and others (Durham, N. C, 1952), 200; Iona and Peter
Opie, The Oxford Nursery Rhyme Boo\ (New York and Oxford, 1955), 77; and again the Opies,
The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren (Oxford, 1959), 21.
A literary variant is James Joyce's "Mildew, murk, leak and yarn now want the bad that they
lied on" (listed in Worthington, JAF [1957], 48).
10. The first (No. 5) is given by Ruth Ann Musick and Vance Randolph, "Children's Rhymes
From Missouri," JAF, LXIII (1950), 432; and by Ray B. Browne, "Children's Taunts, Teases, and
Disrespectful Sayings from Southern California," WF, XIII (1954), 197. Browne, JAF (1959), 94,
has comparable analogues for Nos. 5, 7 and 8. Other examples are given in Maclagan, Games &
Diversions, 251; Opie, Lore and Language, 164; Dorothy Mills and Morris Bishop, "Songs of In-
nocence," New Yorker, XIII (13 Nov. 1937), 33; Ray B. Browne, "Children's Taunts, Teases, etc.,
from Alabama," WF, XIV (1955), 207; and Frances Boshears, "Granddaddy Roberts," MF, III
(1953), 153. An "after meat" prayer allegedly used by "border reivers" is given in Denham Tracts
I, ed. James Hardy (London, 1892), 348.
11. Denham Tracts II, 17. (See also "Shrove-Tide," "Good Friday" and "Shrove Tuesday"
52 Vol. 77, No. 303 Journal of American Folklore Jan.-March, 1964
rhymes, 17-19.) However, in Wine, Women, and Song (London, 1907), 134-35, John Addington
Symonds prints in English translation "A Sequence in Praise of Wine," a medieval Latin students'
song parodying a hymn to the Virgin. One of numerous Latin versions of this song is given in
Martin, On Parody, 10.
12. This version may well be related to the following taunt, which may be said "antiphonally
or run through very rapidly by one person":
1. I beg your pardon.
2. I grant your grace.
1. I hope the cat will spit in your face.
(J. W. Ashton, "Notes on Children's Taunts, Teases, etc.," WF, XIV [1955], 129).
13. Virtually the same item appears in Chapter XVII of E. M. Forster's novel The Longest
Journey (1907).
14. Alexander King, the author of Mine Enemy Grows Older and May This House Be Safe
From Tigers, has repeated this one on television on more than one occasion.
15. Doris E. Thompson, "Marine Corps Slang," American Speech, XXXVII (1962), 288.
16. Autograph verse, June 1937.
17. Grammar school classbook, 1962.
18. Autograph verse, 1939.
19. Cp. the ubiquitous "Roses are red / Violets are black / You look better / With a knife in
your back."
20. Kitchin's contention that "whenever anything truly vital in State or Church is under discus-
sion, the weapon of Scriptural parody is resorted to" (p. 34) seems to be partly borne out in the
Negro "sing-along" sit-in demonstration in Providence, Rhode Island, described in the following
newspaper account: "Many of the songs were originals, written by NAACP members for the equal
housing campaign. They included a parody on the 'Battle Hymn of the Republic,' with a chorus
which began, 'Glory—housing legislation.'" (Pawtucket [Rhode Island] Times, 13 June 1963, 19).
21. Kenneth and Mary Clarke list the opening of a similar parody—"Mine eyes have seen the
glory of the coming of the Ford"—in their Introducing Folklore (New York, 1963), 97. Another
"Ford" version appears in E. O. Harbin, Parodology, Songs for Fun and Fellowship (Nashville,
1927), 40. Harbin also prints six other parodies sung to the tune of the "Battle Hymn": "Mary
Ann McCarthy," "John Brown's Baby," "To the Joy Bringer," "Booster! Booster!" and "Hail!"
(22, 46, 101).
22. In Lore and Language, the Opies print "Glory, glory Alleluah, / Teacher hit me with a
ruler," a piece said to "John Browns Body lyes a Moldering in the Grave" (374), along with
parodies of "Gentle Jesus" and "Jesus loves me" (87-88).
23. For two separate parodies of the familiar hymn beginning "Jesus, lover of my soul," see
Henry M. Belden and Arthur Palmer Hudson, eds., "Folk Songs From North Carolina," North
Carolina Folklore III, ed. Newman Ivey White and others (Durham, N. C, 1952), 408; and Mills
and Bishop, New Yorker (1937), 33. Harbin prints parodies of "Jesus Saves" (41) [cf. also the
expression "Jesus Saves / green stamps"], "How I Love Jesus" (55), and another "Ford" version,
this time sung to the spiritual tune of "My Sins Taken Away" (22-23). An 1890's parody of a
Salvation Army song is given in Brian Sutton-Smith, The Games of New Zealand Children
(Berkeley and Los Angeles, 1959), 95.
24. For three parodies of "Hark the herald angels sing," one each of "Nowel, Nowel," "We
three Kings," "O come, all ye faithful," "While shepherds watched their flocks by night," and six
of "Good King Wenceslas," see Lore and Language, 6, 21, 88-89. Symonds prints a medieval
parody of "In Dulci Jubito" (137-38).
25. I understand that this version works out to a final line, "We few Kings of Orient are";
but my informant was unable to recall the intervening lines.
26. Nos. 39a and 39b may be related to Walt Kelly's "Deck Us All With Boston Charley,"
Songs of the Pogo (New York, 1956), 146-50; reprinted in The Fireside Boo\ of Humorous Poetry,
ed. William Cole (New York, 1959), 269. Another version of "Deck the Hall" appears in Gladys
Lloyd, Easy Parodies for Popular Singing (Boston and Los Angeles, 1939), 36-37.
27. My informant could recall only these lines, but said that the full parody is much longer.
28. Browne prints a 1930's depression version beginning "Hoover is my shepherd and I am in
want" (JAF [1959], 94).
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
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