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TABLE OF CONTENTS
SONG TITLE SONG NUMBER
A BABLING SHOOK 13
A BOMBER FLIES AT 10,000 FEET 109
A LOST FIGHTER PILOT 246
ACE IN THE HOLE 95
ADELINE SCHMIDT 4
AFTER THE MISSION'S OVER 283
AIN't IT A BLOODY SHAME 98
AIR CORP LAMENT 284
AIR FORCE 801 40
AIR FORCE SONG 1
A MAN WITHOUT A WOMEN 174
A NAVY PRAYER 76
ANGLES POM-POM SONG 258
AND I LEARNED ABOUT FLYING FROM HIM 50
ANTHONY ROLY 267
ARIGATO FOR THE MEMORIES 180
ASS HOLES ARE CHEAP TODAY 160
AURLALEE 181
B-52 TAKE-OFF 319
BALL OF YARN 138
BANG IT INTO LU-LU 209
BARNACLE BILL THE PILOT 43
BATTLE HYMN 183
BEAR OF THE SKY 347
BESIDE A KOREAN WATERFALL 31
BETSY THE HEIFER
BLACKBIRDS 101
BLESS 'EM ALL 68
BLOOD ON YOUR TUNIC 65
BLOODY SPARROW 255
BOZIN' BUDDIES 58
BRING THAT BASE LEG IN 285
BRITISH GRENADIERS 251
BUDDY 169
BYE-BYE BLACKBIRD 187
CALL OUT THE ARMY AND THE NAVY BO
CATS ON THE ROOF-TOP 92
CATS ON THE ROOF-TOP (JOHN FEEL) 257
CHARLIE WENT A RUNNING 315
CHICKEN SONG 48
CHITOSE BLUES 69
CLOVIS 239
COCAINE SUE 171
COLD WINTER'S EVENING 18
COME ON AND JOIN THE AIR FORCE 44
COOL 213
i
CO-PILOT'S LAMENT 57
CREEPING AND CRAWLING 220
CRICKET 550
CRUISING OVER HANOI 329
DAISY 264
DANGEROUS DAN MC GREW 302
DARK AND DREAMY EYES 279
DEAR OLD DAD 26l
DINAH 259
DIRTY LIL 102
DON'T SEND ME TO HANOI 32$
DOODLE-LEE-DO 137
DOWN IN THE VALLEY 247
DO YOU KNOW MY SISTER TILLY 176
DO YOUR BALLS HANG LOW 205
DRINKING RUM AND COCA-COLA 232
DRINKING SONG 243
DRUNK 193
EARLY ABORT 99
EIGHT BUCKS A DAY 115
F-4 SEVEKADE 343
F-84 PILOT'S BATTLE CRY 277
FALSIES IN BRASSEIHES 143
FAREWELL TO ANTUNG UNIVERSITY 67
FATHER'S GRAVE 35
FIGHTER PILOTS 106
FLAK IN THE NIGHT 125
FLAK SHOWERS 36
FOGGY, FOGGY DEW 203
FORESKIN FUGITIVES 156
FREEDOMS THREAT 351
FRIGGIN' IN THE RIGGIN' 144
FUNICULI FUNICLA 275
GIVE ME OPERATIONS 24
CLORIOUS 192
GOING HOME . . I63
GOOD OLE MOUNTAIN DEW 64
"G" SUITS AND PARACHUTES 112
HAIL, YOU FIGHTER PILOTS 117
HALLELUJAH 323
HARRIGAN 194
HAVE YOU TRIED YESSUP 21
HELLO FATHER 334
HERE'S TO _________ 223
HERE'S TO THE NEXT MAN TO DIE 286
HERE'S TO THE REGULAR AIR FORCE 54
HINKY DI 216
HONEY 170
HORSE-SHIT 202
ii
HUMORESQUE 221
HUTCHES BALLARD 71
I AIN'T GOT NO USE FOR WOMEN '215
I WANTED WINGS 310
I WANT TO PLAY PIANO IN A WHOREHOUSE 254
ICE ON THE RICE 157
IF YOU FLY 122
I LOVE A BILIBOARD 222
I LOVE MY GIRL 12
I LOVE OLD WING OP'S AND FLYING SAFETY 167
IN-FLIGHT REFUELING 166
IN FOURTEEN HUNDRED NINETY TWO 309
IN MOBILE 281
IN THE SPRINGTIME 210
IN THE TALL, TALL GRASS 135
INTO THE AIR 113
INTO THE AIR, 69ERS 201
I SAW HER SNATCH 218
ITAZUKE O.R.T. 41
IT'S TRAGIC 200
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO 199
IVAN SKAVINSKI SKAVAR 14
I'VE GOT SIX PENCE 119
I WANTED WINGS 6l
I WANTED WINGS (KOREAN VERSION) 62
I WANTED WINGS (S.E.A. VERSION) 342
I WANTED TO GO HOME 116
JOIN THE AIR FORCE 207
KATHUSELEM 103
KEY-HOLE IN THE DOOR 195
KHARTOUM 248
KIMPO BLUES 23
KIMPO SONATA 153
KOREA 33
KOTEX SONG 27
KUNI-RI AND ANTUNG 70
LAMENT OF THE RESERVIST 287
LANDLORD FILL THE FLOWING BOWL 288
LAST NIGHT 197
LAST SATURDAY NIGHT 269
LEE'S HOUCHIE 172
LET OLE MOTHER NATURE HAVE HER WAY 237
LET'S HAVE A PARTY 227
LILLY, FROM PICCADILLY 142
LILI MARLENE 289
LITTLE RED LIGHT 204
LOOK AT THE EARS ON HIM 105
LUPE 303
LYDIA PINKHAM 145
MACH RIDER IN THE SKY 134
MARY ANN BURNS 3
MEET ME IN KYOTO 42
MIG 15 85
iii
MIGS COME OUT TO FLAY 345
MINNIE THE MERMAID 191
MOONSHINE 229
MOTHER HUMPER'S BALL 189
MOVIN' ON 130
MUSTANG'S RUN BY MERLIN 173
MY DARLIN'N 39 129
MY FAMILY 250
MY GRANDFATHERS COCK 249
MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN 131
MY RED HAVEN 262
MY WILD EYED CADET 114
MY WILD IRISH ROSE 287
NAIL FAC 349
RAPALM 49
NAUGHTY LITTLE DOG 23-5
NELLY DARLING 9
NIGHT ON THE TOWN 338
NO BALLS AT ALL 15
ODE TO A GREAT FUCKIN' SAR EFFORT -307
ODE TO THE B-29 121
ODE TO THE J.O.C. DUTY OWIDER 155
OFF WE GO "46
OH IT'S BEER, BEER, BEER 152
OH, JOHNNY 256
OH MY GOD 165
OH RIP THE FEATHERS AWAY 6
OH THE 523rd IS A VERY FINE SQUADRON 154
OH THEY SAY THIS KIMPO'S A VERY FINE PLACE 20
PLD BEER BOTTLES 91
OLD GREEN RIVER 146
OLD GRAY BUSTLE 133
OLD NUMBER NINE 212
OLD SOULDIERS NEVER DIE 86
ONCE THEY WERE HAPPY 110
ONE HUNDRED MISSIONS 326
ON TOP OF OLD FUJU 88
ON TOP OF OD PYONGYANG 8?
-O'REILLY'S DAUGHTER 7
OUR LEADERS 320
OUR OUTHOUSE 240
PADDY MURPHY 224
PARTIES 30
PARTIES, BANQUESTS, AND BALLS 16
PAS DE CALAIS 120
PHAN BANG BLUES 304
PHILADELPHIA LAWYER 291
PILOTS ALWAYS EAT PUSSY 305
PILOT'S HEAVEN 208
PILOT'S LAMENT 39
iv
PIPER LAURIE 94
PISS ON THE ____________. 140
PLEASE, DON'T BURN THE SHITHOUSE DOWN 17
POP GOES THE WEASEL 325
POOR, BUT HONEST 93
POOR LITTLE ANGELINS 82
PRANG EM ALL 312
PUFF 339
PUSAN "U" 74
RAIL CUTTERS 128
RAMEY AIR PATCH 263
RED NOSED MIG'S 89
RED SCARFS 175
REMEMBER 242
REPUBLIC'S ULTRA HUG 336
RICKEY DAN DO 276
RING DANG DO 132
RIO, RIO, RIO 164
ROLLIN' DOWN THE RUNWAY 292
ROLL ME OVER 253
ROLL YOUR LEG OVER 149
ROTATIONAL EVE 234
RO-TIDDLE-E-E-0 252
RUGGED, BUT RIGHT 241
RUSSIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM 314
SAFE HAND MAIL 52
SAIGON OH SAIGON 333
SALLY 10
SALOME 162
SAM HOUSTON 214
SAMMY SMALL 2
SAVE A FIGHTER PILOT'ASS 73
SAMMY SMALL (SEA STYLE) 313
SEOUL CITY SUE 104
SEPBSQA (I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS EITHER) 188
SHANTY TOWN 228
SHIT HOT FROM KORAT 3hh
SHOW MS THE WAY TO GO HOME 168
SIDI SALIMANS SONG 236
SILVER THREADS AMOU: NG THE GOLD 19.
SING US ANOTHER ONE: DO 139
SIX POUNDS OF BOOBIES 22
SIXTEEN TIMES 198
SONG R&R 26
SONG OF THE 18th 121+
SONG OF THE SABRES 268
SONG OF THE ZULU WARRIORS 60
SOUTH OF THE BORDER 231
SPANISH GHEEAR 18U
v
SPOT PROMOTION 97
SPRING TIME OH THE YALU 55
SQUADRON SONG 63
STAND TO YOUR" GLASSES 59
STAY WITH GOD 8
STRAFERS 8i+
STRAFTN" AROUND THE MOUNTAIN 75
STREET CLEANERS SONG 230
STYLES 5
SUNG TO MY HOME IN INDIANA 324
T.A.C. HEADQUARTERS 282
TACKLKAWA, YOKAHAMA, ITAZTOCE 103
TAEGU GIRLS 81
TATOOED LADY 79
TELL ME WHY 182
TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS 217
THE AIR FORCE LAMENT 37
THE B^6 151
THE BALLS OF 0 LEARY 158
THE BASTARD KING OP ENGLAND 159
THS BLOODY GREAT WHEEL 11
THE CAMES 90
THE CANDLE SONG 179
THE CHEETAS 177
THE CO-ED AND THE CADET 173
THE COLONEL'S LAMENT 21+5
fHE COMMIES LAMENT 211
THE COWBOY'S LAMENT 293
THE CUCKOO SONG 72
THE DSMM DUMMY 265
THE FAIRCHILD ABORTION 100
THE FIGHTING 68th 127
THE FOGGY, FOGGY DEW 294
THE FORMATION 118
THE FOUR BASTARDS 295
THE HAIRY-CHESTED EIGHTY SIXTH 225
THE INVADER 126
THE LITTLE BROWN BUILDING 332
THE LITTLE GREY RAT 45
THE LONG BOMBA DI 311
THE AMID OF THE MOUNTIAN 186
THE MAN BEHIND THE ARMOR PLATED DESK 25
THE MARRYING KIlND 270
THE MAYOR OF BAYSWATER 274
THE MISSION 96
THE MONK 273
THE MOST CHIYILROUS FISH 226
THE OTHERS WENT FLYING 318
THE PERSIAN KITTY 78
vi
THE PO RIVER VALLEY 66
THE PORTIONS OP A WOMAN 271
THE PRETTIEST SKIP 111
THE PRETTIEST GIRL I EVER SAW 150
THE RED RIVER VALLEY 308
THE RIVER RAN RED 83
THE SCOTCH WEDDING 77
THE SHIEK OF ARABY 260
THE THAUH HOA BRIDGE 298
THE THING 135
THE THINKER 28
THE WEASEL SONG 341
THE WOODPECKER 147
THERE IS NOTHING LIKE SOME _________ 266
THEY CALLED THE BASTARD STEPHENS 280
THOSE WEDDING BELLS ARE BREAKING TIP 1%
388th 340
THREE OLD MAIDS 272
THREE WHORES PROM CANADA JUNCTION 161
THROTTLE BENDERS 296
THUD DRIVERS IN THE SKY
TIE MY ROOT AROUND A TREE 219
TIP-TANKS AND TAILPIPES (THE WALL) 34
TITANIC 47
TOAST TO THE BLUE ANGLES 107
TOO LONG AT ITAZUKE 123
TO THE REGALARS 56
TO THE TABLES DOWN AT SIDI 233
TWELVE DAYS OP COMBAT 299
TWO LADIES WERE CONFIDING 190
TUFF SHITSKY 300
UNCLE JOHN AND AUTIE MABLE 29
UNCLE HO CHI MINH 348
UP IN THE VALLEY 327
UP THE DUFF 244
VIOLATE ME I48
VIRGIN STURGEON 206
WALTIZING MATILDA 297
WE ALL MAY BE DEAD TOMORROW 317
WE SOLD OUR COW 238
WEST VIRGINIA HILLS 141
WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD 330
WHEN YOUR LEAVES HAVE TURNED TO SILVER 38
WHERE HAVE ALL THE OLD HEADS GONE 321
WHY DID I JOIN THE AIR FORCE 306
WHY DO THE DRUMS GO BOOM 346
WIFFENPOOF SONG 196
WINGMAN'S LAMENT 301
WILD WEASEL 322
WIRRAWAYS DON'T WORRY ME 2?8
WRECK OF OLD '97 51
YOU CAN TELL A FIGHTER PILOT 32
YOU'LL NEVER MIND 316
VII
HONORS ARE DUE THE FOLLOWING ORGANIZATIONS
AND INDIVIDUALS FOR THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS TO
THIS, THE 523rd TACTICAL FIGHTER SQUADRON'S
SONG BOOK.
THE ROYAL AUSTRALIAN AIR FORCE
No. 79(F) SQUADRON, UBON, THAILAND, 196.2 - 63
THE ROYAL AUSTRALIAN AIR FORCE
No. 77(F) SQUADRON, JAPAN AND KOREA, 1950 - 51
THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE SONG BOOK
COMPILED AND EDITED BY "BILL STAR"
27th TACTICAL FIGHTER WING, CANNON AFB, NEW MEXICO
"SONGS WE NEVER QUITE REMEMBER"
COMPILED BY THE 506th TACTICAL FIGHTER WING
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE
ALL THE INDIVIDUAL MEN OF THE AIR FORCE THAT
HAVE CONTRIBUTED SONGS, IN ANY MANNER, TO THIS EPISTLE.
SONGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME,
VOLUMES I and II
17th Wild Weasel Song Book
Korat RTAFB, Thailand
FIGHTER PILOT'S TOAST
Here1s to me in ray sober mood
When I ramble sit and think
Here!s to me in my drunken mood
When I gamble sin and drink•
But when at last it's over
And from this world I pass
I hope they bury me upside down
So the whole world can kiss my ass.
AIR FORCE SONG I
Off we go, into the wind blue yonder
Climbing high, into the sun
Here they come zooming to meet our thunder
At fem boys, give her the gun.
Down we dive, spouting o^r flame from under
Off with one hell of a roar,
We live in fame, or go down in flame,
Nothing can stop the U. S. Air Force.
Here's a toast to the host of those who boast
the vastness of the sky,
To a friend we send a message of
His brother who can fly,
We drink to those who gave their all of old
As down we roar to score the rainbow's pot of gold.
Here1 s a toast to the host of those who boast
the U. S. Air Force.
SAMMT SMALL 2
Oh my name is Sammy Small fuck em all
Oh my name is Sammy Small fuck em all
Oh my name is Sammy Small and I've only got one ball
But it's better than none at all - fuck em all.
They say I've killed a man, fuck em all
They say I've killed a man, fuck em all
I hit him in the head with a fucking piece of lead
Now the silly fuckers dead - fuck em all.
They say I've got to swing, fuck em all
They say I've got to swing, fuck em all
They say I've got to swing from a fucking piece of string
What a silly fucking thing - fuck em all.
The parson he will come, fuck em all
The parson he will come, fuck em all
The pars^on he will come with his tales of kingdom come
He can shove em up his bung - fuck em all.
The hangman wears a mask, fuck em all
The hangman wears a mask, fuck em all
The hangman wears a mask for his silly fucking task
What a silly fucking ass - fuck em all.
The sheriff will be there too, fuck em all
The sheriff will be there too, fuck em all
The sheriff will be there too with his silly fucking crew
They have fuck all else to do - fuck em all.
I saw Molly in the crowd, fuck em all
I saw Molly in the crowd, fuck em all
I saw Molly in the crowd and I felt so fucking proud
That I shouted right our loud - FUCK EM ALL.
MARY ANN BURNS 3
Mary Ann Burns was the queen of all the acrobats
She could do the tricks that would give a cat the shits
Roll green peas from her fundamental orifice
Do a double flip and catch them on her tits
A great big son-of-a-bitch twice as big as me
Hair around her ass like the branches on a tree
She can swim, fish, fight, fuck
Roll a barrel, drive a truck
Mary Ann Burns is the girl for me0 (My bloody ass)
ADELINE SCHMIDT 4
There was a young maiden named Adeline Schmidt
She went to the doctor cause she couldn't shit
He gave her some medicine wrapped up in glass
Up went the window and out went her ass.
Chorus:
It was brown brown shit falling down
Brown brown shit all around
It was brown brown shit falling down
My God how that poor girl could shit.
A handsome young copper was walking his beat
He happened to be on that side of the street
He looked up so bashful he looked up so shy
When a piece of brown shit hit him right in the eye*
Chorus:
This handsome young copper he cussed and he swore
He called that young maiden a dirty old whore
And on Brooklyn bridge you can still see him sit
With a sign round his neck saying, "Blinded by shit".
It was brown brown shit falling down
Brown brown shit all around
It was brown brown shit falling down
His life it was ruined by shit.
STILES (Tune-Smiles) 5
There are styles that show the ankle
There are styles that show the knee
There are styles that have the boys all wond'ring
Just what the girls are gonna let us see.
There are styles that have a tender meaning
That the eyes of men alone can see
But the style that Eve wore in the garden
Is the style that appeals to me.
2
OH RIP THE FEATHERS AWAY 6
Oh rip the feathers away away
Oh rip the feathers away
Oh the ass of a duck
Makes a wonderful fuck
If you rip the feathers away.
O'REILLEY'S DAUGHTER 7
As I was sitting at Q'Reilleys bar
Listening to tales of blood and slaughter
Came a thought into my mind
Why not shag O'Reilleys daughter
Chorus:
Fiddley-I~E Fiddley-I-0
Fiddley-I-E for the one ball Reilly
Rubby dub dub jig balls and all
Rubby dub dub shag on,
I grabbed that she bitch by the hair
Then I threw m^ left leg over
Shagged and shagged and shagged some more
Shagged and shagged till the fun was over,
Chorus:
There came a knock upon my door
Who should it be but her God-damn Father
Two horse pistols by his side
Looking for the man who shagged his daughter
Chorus:
I grabbed that bastard by the hair
Shoved his head in a pail of water
Shoved those pistols up his ass
A damn sight farther than I shagged his daughter.
Chorus:
Now as I go walking down the street
People shout from every corner
There goes the dirty son of a bitch
The one who shagged 0?Reillys daughter.
8
STAY WITH GOD (Tune - Dashing through the snow
The game was played on Sunday in Heavens own back yard
With Jesus playing quarterback and Moses playing guard
The angels in the bleachers my god how they did yell
When Jesus made a touchdown against the boys from hell. (cont)
STAY WITH GOD (Cont.)
Chorus: (Tune - Oh, Them Golden Slippers)
Stay with God, oh lordy, stay with God, oh lordy
Jesus on the one yard line, Moses doin very fine
Stay with God, oh lordy, stay with God, oh lordy
Hoke em, soke em, Jesus poke em, stay with God.
KELLY DARLING (Tune - Nelly Darling) 9
Oh your ass is like a stovepipe Nelly darling
And the nipples on your tits are turning green
There's an odor of blue ointment round your pussy
You are the ugliest bitch that I have ever seen
There1 s a yard of lib protruding from your navel
And when you piss you piss a stream as green as grass
There's enough wax in your ears to make a candle
So kindly make one dear and shove it up your ass.
SALLY 10
Sally's in the alley sifting cinders
Lifted up her leg and farted like a man
Wind from her bloomers broke six winders
Cheeks of her ass >tent BAM BAM BAM*
THE BLOODY GREAT WHEEL 11
An airman told me before he died
And I don't think that the bastard lied
That he had a wife with a cunt so wide
That she could never be satisfied0
So he invented a prick of steel
Driven by a bloddy great wheel
Two brass balls all filled with cream
And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam.
Round and round went the bloody great wheel
In and out went the prick of steel
Until at last the maiden cried
Enough enough I?m satisfied0
But now we come to the bitter bit
There was no way of stopping it
She was split from her ass to her tit
And the whole fucking issue was covered with shit.
I LOVE MY GIRL 12
I love my girl yes I do deed I do
I love.*i her truly
I love the hole that she pisses through
I love her tits tiddly tits tiddly tits
And her nut brown ass hole
Ifd eat her shit gobble gobble slurp slurp
With a wooden spoon
4
A BABBLING BROOK 13
A babbling brook, a shady nook, a girl all dressed in yellow
Two snow white tits, two rubby lips, oh you lucky fellow
Between the hours of two and four when he began to; linger
She said, "Young man if you are through, I'll finish with my
finger."
So he got up and took a piss, and she got up and farted
He wiped his jock upon her sock, and that is how they parted
Nine days went by, he heaved a sigh, a sigh of pain and sorrow
The pimples pink were on his dink but there'll be more tomorrow
Nine monthes went by and she heaved a sigh, a sigh of pain and
sorrow
Two little mutts were in her guts but they'll be out tomorrow.
IVAN SKAVINSKI SKAVAR 14
Oh the harems of Egypt are fair to behold
And the maidens the fairest of fair
The fairest, of Greek, was owned by the shiek
One Abdul Abbulbal Amer
A traveling brothel was brought into town
By a Russian who came from afar
And a challenge went wide, as to who could outride
Count Ivan Skavinske Skaver.
Now Abdul rode by with his hand on his fly
And his balls hanging low with desire
And he wagered a million that he could outride
Count Ivan Skavinski Skavar
So this spectacle great was all set for a date
Twas to be refered by the Czar
And the streets were all lined to see harlots entwined
With Abdul and Ivan Skavar
They met at the track with their tools hanging slack
And the starters gun punctured the air
They were quick on the rise, people gasped at the size
Of Ivan Skavinski Skavar
The cunts were all shorn and no rubbers were worn
And Abdul revved up like a car
But he hadn't a hope 'gainst the long greasy stroke
Of Ivan Skavinski Skavar*
Now when Ivan had won and was cleaning his gun
He bent down to pick up his pair
When something red hot, up his rear track was shot
And Abdul the bastard was ther.
Then the harlots all screamed and the people yelled Queen
They were ordered apart by the Czar
But so fast were they stuck, it was fucking bad luck
For Abdul and Ivan Skavar
The cream of the joke when at last they were broke
It was laughed at for years by the Czar
For Abdul, the fool, had left half of his tool
In Ivan Skavinski Skavar.
5
NO BALLS AT ALL 15
There once was a girl named Sara McFox
With hair on her chest and cheese in her box
She married a man named Patrick McCall
With a very short peter and no balls at all
Chorus:
No balls at all
No balls at all
A very short peter and no balls at all,
The very first night that they were wed
They took off their clothes and went straight to bed
She reached for his pecker, it was very small
She reached for his ball, he had no balls at all.
Now mother dear mother oh what shall I do?
Ifve married a man who never can screw
I reached for his pecker, it was very small
I reached for his balls, he had no balls at all.
Oh daughter dear daughter don't be sad
It was the same trouble I had with your dad
There's many a man who will come to the call
Of the wife of a man who has no balls at all
The daughter went home, took her mothers advice
And Tound the results most exceedingly nice
A bouncing youftg baby was born in the fall
To the wife of the man who had no balls at all.
PARTIES, BANQUETS AND BALLS 16
(Tune-Take me out to the ballgame)
Parties banquets and balls boys
Parties banquets and balls
As president Truman has said before
There 's only one way to stay out of a war
That's with parties banquets and balls boys
Parties banquets and balls
We'll have parties and banquets and
Banquets and parties
and Balls, Balls, Balls
PLEASE DONT BURN THE SHITHOUSE DOWN 17
Please don't burn the shithouse down
Mother has promised to pay
Mother is drunk, father's in jail
Sister's in a family way
Brother dear is mighty queer
Times are fucking hard
So please don't burn the shithouse down
Or we'll all have to shit in the yard.
6
COLD ptJTER'S EVENING 18
'Twas a cold winter 's evening, the guests were all leaving
O'Leary was closing the bar, When he turned and said to the lady
in red,
Get out! You can't stay where you are,
She shed a sad tear in her bucket of beer, As she though of the
cold night aheac
Then a gentleman dapper stepped out of the crapper,
And these are the words that he said:
Her mother never told her the things a young girl should know
About the ways to fly, fly boys and how they come and go.
She's lost her youth and beauty, and life has left its sad scar
So remember your mothers and sisters boys and let her sleep under
the bar.
SILVER THREADS AMONG THE GOLD 19
Darling let me fix your garter
Just an inch above your knee
And if I should wander farther
Please don't blame it all on me*
The hair around your pussy's turning silver
The hair around my cock is turning gold
So let's put our two things together
Silver threads among the gold*
So she let me fix her garter
Just an inch above her knee
And my hand did wander farther
And she pissed all over me0
OH THEI SAT THAT THIS EMFOJS A WONDERFUL PLACE 20
Oh they say that this Kimpo's a wonderful place
But the organisations a fucking disgrace
There's Captains and Major's and light Colonels too
With their hands in their pockets and fuck all to do
They stand on the ramp and they rave and they shout
And for all of their good they might just as well be
A shoveling shit on the Isle of Capri o
HAVE YOU TRIED IESSUP? 21
Have you tried Yessup
The best breakfast in the land
Have you tried Yessup
The best breakfast food in the land
Delicious, nutricious, the whole day through
Jack Hard-On never tires of it, and neither will you
Oh have you tried Yessup,
The best breakfast food in the lando
Yesaup-Spelled backwards is Pussy
Spelled sideways is Slur-Slurp
7
SIX POUNDS OF BOOBIES 22
Six pounds of boobies in a loose brassier
An old used condrum is a glass of beer
A twot that twitches like a mooses ear
These are the things I love*
A dirty whore strolling down the street
A bloody Kotes in the bumbleseat
I love my poontang but I beat my meat
These are the things I love0
KIMPO BLUES 23
(Tune, A Little Bit of Heaven Fell, etc)
Oh a little bit of shit fell down
Out of the sky one day
And it landed in the Chosen
Oh so very far away*
And when the Senate saw it
It looked so fucking bare
They said thatfs what we1 re looking fo
We111 send our Air Force there.
So they sent their "86!a"
Air Base Group and midics too
And they sent the dreaded 336th
They knew just what to do,
And now you f 11 find them languished
In a place thafs so remote
That all you'll hear those bastards shout's
Where are these fucking boats
Chorus:
I?ve got those Kimpo Blues,
Kimchi blues
I?m fed up
And I?m fucked up
And I'm bluee
We tried to please old sygman
But it really was a farce
The only thing twas left to do
Was shove it up his arse0
Chorus:
Oh we found ©ur Alma Mater
In a house in Yo&g Dong Po
The brass got there before us
They showed us where to go
8
GIVE ME OPERATIONS 24
Don't give me a P-38, the props they counter-rotate
They've scattered and amitten from Burma to Britain
Don't give me a P-38.
Chorus:
Just give me operations
Way out on some lonly atoll
For I am too young to die
I just want to grow old*
Don't give me a P-39
The engine is mounted behind
They'll tumble and spin and auger you in
Don't give me a P-39*
Don't give me a peter four oh, a hell of an airplane I know
A gound loopin bastardy you're sure to get plastered
Don't give me a peter four oh,
Don't give me a P-51* it was alright for fighting the hun
But with coolant tank dry, you'll run out of sky
Don't give me a P-51.
Don't give me a P-61, for night flying is no fun
They say it's a lark, but I'm scared of the dark
Don't give me a P-6l0
Don't give me an F-84, she's just a gound loving whore
She'll whine moan and wheeze and she'll clobber the trees
Don't give me an F-84o
Don't give me an old thunderbolt, it gave many a pilot a jolt
It looks like a jug and it flies like a tug
Don't give me an old thunderbolt«
Don't give me a jet shooting star, it'll go, but not very far
It'll rumble and spout, but soon will flame out
Don't give me a jet shooting star,
Don't give me an F86, with wings like broken match sticks
They'll zoom and they'll hover, but as for top cover
Don't give me an F-860
Don't give me an F-89, Tho TIME says they'll really climb
They're all in the states, all boxed up in crates
Don't give me an F-89*
Don't give me an F-94* it's never established a score
It may fly in weather, but won't hold together
Don't give me an F~94o
Dont't give me an 86-D, with rockets, radar and A/B
She's fast I d®n?t care, she blows up in mid-air
Don't give me an 86-D0
9
GIVE ME OPERATIONS (Conft)
Donft give me a C-45, so slow it stalls out in a dive
A gound loop built in it, and bird colonels in it
Donft give me a C-45.
Don't give me a C54, six inches of rugs on the floor
And we'll go fat-cat'n, from here to Manhattan
Don't give me a C-54*
Don't give me a B-45, the pilots don't get back alive
The Mig 15 fs chase em, they soon will erase em
Don't give me a B-45.
Dbfi^60gMe me a rone-dotible -• 0, The bastard is ready to blow
The^A/B is there, but you're saying a prayer
Don't give me a one-double-O.
Don't give me an F-102, it never goes up when its blue
An all weather coffin? that flames out so often
Don't give me an F-102,
THE MAN BEHIND THE ARMOR PLATED DESK 25
(Tune - Strip Polka)
Early in the morning when the engines start to roar
You can see the old goat standing, beside his office door
He'll be sweating out the take-off, as he's often done before
The man behind the armor plated door*
Four times he's led us up there, and he always led us back
For he circled o'er the I,P,, as we went in to attack
He said, "I'm hard yet fair boys, but allergic to ack ack"
The man behind the armor plated desk,
And when the target's sighted, who inspires the attack
Who says hundreds may go in lads, but a few aren't coming back
Who says we'll disregard the miniiiium, when you supress the flak
The man behind the armor plated desk,
And when the missions over, and briefing they should be
You can search the whole field over, but not a pilot will you see
For they'll all be at the 0 Club, with q mixed drink in their
hand
Singing The Man Behind the Armor Plated Desk,
SONG OF R AND R 26
(Tune - Moonlight on the Wabash)
When the ice is on the rice in old Chitose
And the Saki in the cellar starts to freeze
I don't want to see my wife in San Francisco
I just want to see my little Nipponese
10
KOTEX SONG 27
You can tell by the smell that she isn't feeling well,
When the end of the month rolls around.
How she turns, how she squirms, how she gets a case of worms,
When the end of the month rolls around*
For it's hi, hi, hee, in the Kotex industry,
Super! Junior! - Band air*
For where ere you go,
The blood will always flow,
When the end of the month roils around,
Keep ' em bleedin* when the end of the month rolls around
THE THINKER 28
The lady of the mansion, was dressing for the ball when she
espied a
thinker, pissing up against the wall*
CHORUS:
With his great big kidney wiper and balls as big as three and a
yard and
a half of foreskin hanging down below his knee.
The lady wrote a letter and in it she did say,
I'd rather be fucked by the thinker than my husband anyday.
Oh the thinker got the letter and when it he did read
His balls slung o'er his shoulder and his penis by his side*
Oh, he rode up to the mansion, he rode up the hall,
Gorf Blyme? said the butler he has come to fuck us all.
Oh, he fucked them in the parlor, he fucked them on the beds,
Lord save us! Cried the chambermaids, We've lost our maidenheads.
Oh, he fucked the Duchess standing he fucked her against the
wall,
But when he fucked the butler twas the dirtiest trick of all.
Oh, he rode out from the mansion, he rode into the street.
With little drops of semen pattering at his feet.
Oh, the thinkers dead and buried, I711 bet he's gone to hell
He said he'd fuck the devil and I'll bet he's done it well.
UNCLE JOHN & AUNTIE MABEL 29
(Tune - Hark the Belaid Angels Sing)
Uncle John ft Auntie Mabel, fainted at the breakfast table,
This should b@ suffieient warning, never do it in the morning.
Ovalteen has set them right, now they do it every night,
Uncle John is hoping soon, t© do it in the afternoon. A-—men
11
PARTIES 30
Oh, parties make the world go round
Parties make the world go round
Parties make the world go round
So, let's have a party
We're never too busy to say hello
We're never too busy to say hello
We're never too busy to say hello
HELLO - HELLO - HELLO
BESIDE A KOREAN WATERFALL 31
Beside a Korean waterfall, one bright and sunny day
Beside his shattered Sabre jet, a young pursuiter lay
His parachute hung from a nearby tree, he was not yet quite dead
So listen to the very last words this young pursuiter said.
I'm going to a better land where everything is bright
Where whiskey flows from telephone poles
Play poker every night.
We haven't got a thing to do, but sit around and sing
And all our crews are women, oh death where is thy sting
Oh death where is thy sting, ting=a-ling
Oh death where is thy sting
The bells of Hell will ring, ting-a~ling
For you but not for me
0h3 ting-a-ling ling, blow it out your ass
T.ing~a~ling-a~ling ling, blow it out your ass
Ting~a~ling~a-ling ling, blow it out your ass
Better days are coming bye and bye.
YOU CAN TELL A FIGHTER PILOT 32
(Tune - Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory)
By the ring around his eyeball
You can tell a bombardier
You can tell a bomber pilot
By the spread around his rear
You can tell a navigator
By his sextants, maps, and such
You can tell a fighter jockey
BUT YOU CAN'T TELL HIM MUCH
KOREA 33
(Tune - I?m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover)
I'm looking over a well fought over
Korea that I abhor
One for the money
And two for the show
Ridgeway said stay
But we want to go.
There's no use explaining
Why we're remaining
We got what we were fighting for
KOREA, KOREA and diarhea
To make the rice grow some more ^2
TIPTANKS AND TAILPIPES (THE WALL) 34
(Tune - Bless them All)
Bless them all, bless them all
Bless tiptanks and tailpipes and all
Bless old man Lockheed for building this jet
But I know a guy who is cussing him yet
Cause he tried to go over the wall
The needles did cross, and the wings did come off
With tiptanks and tailpipes and all.
Through the wall, through the wall
Through the bloody invisible wall
That transsonic journey is nothing but rough
As bad as a ride on the local base base bus
So I?m staying away from the wall
Subsonic for me and that's all
If you're hot you might make it
But you*11 probably break it
Your butt and your neck, not the wall,
FATHERS GRAVE 35
(Tune - Piccadilly Underground)
Oh they're digging up fathers grave to build a sewer
And they're going at the job at no expense
They're disturbing his remains, to make way for outhouse drains
To satisfy some brand new resident, Gor Blimey
Now father in his day was never a quitter
And. I don't suppose he'll be a quitter now
He'll dress up in white sheets, and haunt those outhouse seets
And no one there will sit but he allows, Gor Blimey
Now won't there be some bloody constipation
And won't those bloody bastards rant and rave
Which is more than they deserve, for having the bloody nerve
To bugger about with a British workmans grave*
FLAK SHOWERS 36
(Tune- April Showers)
Although Flak showers, may come your way
They'll bring the panic, that makes you say
My fuel is Josephine, I'm going home
So if you want to stay and fight, you may
Stay and fight alone.
I've added throttle, I'm on my way
I'll live to come back some other day
So keep on strafing that position
And knock it out for me
I'm just a close supporter, can't you see
THE AIR FORCE LAMENT 37
(Tune - The Battle Hymn of the Republic)
Mine eyes have seen the days of men who ruled the fighting sky
With hearts that laughed at death, who lived for nothing but to
fly
But now those hearts are grounded, and those days are long gone
by
The Air Force's gone to hello
Chorus:
Glory flying regulations, have them read at every station
Crucify the man that breaks them, the Air Force's gone to hell.
My bones have felt their pounding throb, a hundred thousand
strong
A mighty airborne legion set to right the deadly wrong
But now it' s only memory, it only lives in song
The Air Force's gone to hello
I have seen them in their T-bolts, when their eyes were dancing
flame
I've seen their screaming power dives, that blasted Goering's
name
But now they fly like sissies and they hang their heads in shame
Their spirits shot to hello
Once they flew B~26's through a living hell of flak
And bloody dying pilots, gave their lives to bring them back
But now they all plan ping pong in the operations shack
Their technique's gone to hell*
The lordly flying fortress and the liberator to©
Once wrote the doom of Germany, with contrails in the blue
But now the skies are empty, and our planes are wet with deV
And we can't fly for hello
You have heard your pounding 50 fs blaze from wings of polished
steel
The purring of your Merlin was a song your heart could feel
But now the L~5 charms you with its moanin, groanin squeal
And it won't climb for hello
Have you ever climbed a lightening up to irtiere the air is thin
Have you stuck her long nose downward, just to hear the screaming
din
Have you tried to do it lately, better not you'll auger in
And then you?11 sure catch hello
I have seen them in their Sabre's, when their eyes were dancing
flame
I have seen their screaming power dives that blasted Stalin's
name
But now they fly like sissies and they hang their heads in shame
Their spirit's shot to hello
Hap Arnold built a fighting team that sang a fighting song
About the wild blue yonder in the days when men were strong
But now we'jre closely supervised for fear we may do wrong
The Air Force's gone to hellc
We were cocky bold and happy when we played the angel's game
We split the blue with buzzing, and we rooled our way to fame
But now that's all forgotten and we're all so goddamn tame
Our spirits' shot to hell
14
THE AIR FORCE LAMENT (Con't)
One day I buzzed an airfield with another reckless chap
We flew a hot formation with his wingtip in mjjr lap
But there!s a new directive and we'll have no more of that
Or you will burn in hello
Mine eyes get dim with tears when I recall the days of old
When pilots took their choice of being old or young and bold
Alas I have no choice and will live to be quite old
The Air Force's gone t© hell.
But smile awhile my pilots though your eyes may still be wet
Someday we'll be in heaven where the rules have not been set
And God will show us how to buzz and roll and really let -
The Air Force fly like hello
Chorus
Glory no more regulations, rip them down at every station
Ground the guy that tries to make one, and let us fly like hell.
WHEN YOUR LEAVES HAVE TURNED TO SILVER 38
(Tune - Silver Threads among the Gold)
When your leaves have turned to silver
Will you love us just the same
Ofr, we'll always call you-^___________
Isn't it a bloody shame.
To the days at Itazuke
And the parties that we knew
When your leaves have turned to silver
You can stick them up your flue0
PILOTS LAMENT 39
(Tune - If I had the Wings of an Angel)
Now listen all you pilots and you airmen
We will tell you a story sad but true
Of many who wear wings but are not happy
Gather round while we sing this song to you,
The many who wear wings but are not happy
Wear a smile on their lips, not in their hearts
They're overjoyed to wear the badge of an airman
But are sad in getting off to such bad starts.
A reason there must be for discontentment
Why the gloom as dark as any blacked out loop
Just ask them one and all and they will tell you
I'm not a member of the 312th Fighter Group«
15
AIR FORCE 801 40
(Tune - Wabash Cannonball)
Listen to the rumble, and hear ©Id Merlin roar
I'm flying over Moji, like I never flew before
Hear the mighty rush of the slipstream, and hear old Merlin moan
I'll wait a bit and say a prayer, and hope it gets me home,
Itazuke tower, this is Air Force 801
I'm turning on the downwind leg, isy prop has overrun
My coolant's overheated, the gauge says 1-2-1
You'd better get the crash crew, and get them on the run.
Air Force 801 this is Itazuke tower
I cannot call the crash crew, this is their coffee hour
You're not cleared in the pattern, now that is pjtain to see
So take it on around again, we have some VTP's*
Itazuke tower, this is Air Force 801
I'm turning on the downwind leg, I'see your, biscuit gun
My engine's runnin ragged, and the coolant's gonna blow
I?m gonna prang a Mustang, so look out down below,
Itazuke tower, this is Air Force 801
I'm turning on the final, and running on one lung
I'm gonna land this Mustang no matter what you say
I We gotta get my charts fixed up, befor that judgement day*
Air Force 801, this is judgement day
You're in pilots heaven, and you are here to stay
You just bought a Mustang, and you bought it well
The famous Air Force 801 was sent dtraight down to hell.
ITAZUKE 0RT 41
(Tune - When you wore a tulip)
When you flew a Mustang, and I flew a Mustang
In the Itazuke 0RT
Other pilots went to briefing
We stayed in the sack a'sleeping
Hotter stones you?11 never see
We were hottor than tabasco, when group pulled each fiasco
We excelled in proficiency
When you flew a mustang, and I flew a Mustang
In the Itazuke 0RTo
MEET ME IN KYOTO (Tune- Meet Me In St. Louis) 43
Meet me in Kyoto, Mot©
Meet me at the shrine
Take your shoes off >faen you enter
Or you*11 pay a fine
We will have some sukiyaki
Then we'll have a cup of saki
If you'll meet me in Kyoto, Mot©
Meet me at the shrineD
16
BARNACLE BILL THE PILOT 43
(Tune - Barnacle Bill the Sailor)
The air Corps is the life for me, said Barnacle Bill, the Sailer
Ifll jump my ship and leave the sea and be an aviator
I'll fly so high I'll reach the sky, gravitation I'll defy
Ifll make the people moan and tcry, said Barnacle Bill, the
Sailor.
Pretty soon you'll lose that grin, said the fair young maiden
Pretty soon you111 lose that grin, siid the fair young maiden
Ifm rough and tough, I know my stuff, said Bill, the Aviator
I'll fly this ship till I've had enough, said Bill, the Aviator
I know a trut, I know a fin, I know a barrel roll and a spin
I know a prop, I know a knick, and I know an elevator.
You're out of gas and must go down, wailed the fair young maiden
You're out of gas and must go down, wailed the fair young maiden
I'm a cokeyed Finn if 1*11 give in, roared Bill the Aviator
I111 fight this ship with a flyars grin, roared Bill, the Aviator
He kicked the bar and pulled the stick, which didn't seem to do
the trick
And he hit the gound like a ton of brick, poor Barnacle Bill, the
Sailor.
Here's some flowers for his grave, sobbed the fair young maiden
Here's some flowers for his grave, sobbed the fair young maiden
COME ON AND JOIN THE AIR FORCE U
Come on and join the Air Force, we're a hppy band they say
We never do a lik of work, just fly around all day
While others work and study hard, and soon grow old and blind
We'll take to the air without a care, and you will never mind*
Chorus:
You'll never mind, you'll never mind
Oh, come and join the Air Force
And you will never mindo
Come on and get promoted as high as you desire
You're riding on a gravy train when you're an Air Force flyer
But just when you're about to be a general you'll find
The engine cough, the wings fall off, and you will never mind.
And when you loop and spin her with an awful tear
You find yourself without your wings but you will never care
For in about two minutw more another pair you'll find
You'll fly with Pete and his angels sweet, but you will never
mind.
You're flydng over the ocean, you hear your engine spit
You see your prop come t© a stop, The god damn engine's quit
The ship won't float, you cannot swim, the shore is a mile behind
Oh, what p ^-h for the crabs and fish, but you will never mind.
17
COME ON AND JOIN THE AIR FORCE (Cont.)
I fly up t© Yalu, in my F-36
And here's one thing that you can send to Congress in your TWX
Ifve only got one engine. Jack, and if theat bastard quits
It will be up there all by itself, cause I will shit and git,
Oh someday you'll meet a MLg-15> He111 shoot you down in flames
No use in belly arching and calling the bastard names
You'll lose your wings, don't worry mac, another pair you'll find
You'll fly with Pete and the angels sweet, and you will never
mind.
Oh, we9re just a bunch of Air Force lads, and we don't give a
damn
About the groundling's point of view and all that sort of ham
We want a hundred thousand ships of each and every kind
And now we've got our own Air Force, so we will never mindc
Now we're the operations bunch, and we don't give a damn
About those paper shufflin types, with heads just like a ham,
We want a hundred planes or so, all ready on the line
And they can pad those swivel chairs, and we will never mind
Oh, come and get your brassy rank as high as you desire
You're riding on a gravy train, when you're in the Admin' mire
The ones and fours have room for more, or so they always find
With noses in place, we don't mean on the face, you will never
mind*
THE LITTLE GREY RAT 45
OH the pale moon shone on the bar-room floor
The Bar was closed for the night
Then out of his hole came the little grey rat
And he sat in the pale moonlight
He lapped up the liquor on the bar-room floor
And back on his haunches he sat
An all night long you could hear him call
Bring on your goddamn cato
OFF WE GO 46
(Tune - USAF Song)
Back we come, off of a one hour test hop
From over the land and over the sea
For this feat we get a raise in rank
Ten days leave, and a DFC0
Heros all, as you can judge by medals
Got a lot, and we'll get some more
We're out to conquer, and we will
For nothing can stop the ILS, Air Force
18
TITANIC 47
Oh, they built the ship Titanic, and when they had it through
The thought they had a ship, that the water weuld never come
through
But the Lerdc Almighty's hand, said the ship weuld never land
It was sad when that great ship went down*
Chorus:
Oh it was sad, Oh it was sad
It was sad when that great ship went down
Te the bottom of the -—
Husbands and wives, little bittie children lest their lives
It was sad when that great ship went dewn<>
Tfwas en a Tuesday morn, they were nearing Englands shore
And the rich refused to associate with the peer
So they put the poor below where they were the first te go
It was sad when that great ship went dewm
They were nearing Englands shore and were heading for the deck
When the eld ship Titanic began te reel and reck
Oh the captain tried te wire but the wire was en fire
It was sad when that great ship went down*
Then the ship began te list, and the lights began te flicker
And a drunk cried eut, my God where is my likker
Se they brought eut the bettle and they passed it all areund
It was sad when that great ship went dewn0
They swung the lifebeats eut, e?er the dark and stermy sea
And the band struck up with Nearer ffy God te Thee
Little children wept and cried as the waves swept e?er the side
It was sad when that great ship went down*
CHICKEN SONG 4S
We had seme chickens, n® eggs weuld they lay
We had seme chickens, no eggs weuld they lay
My wife said, heney, itJs striking funny
We?re lesing meney, ne eggs weuld they lay
On day the reester flew inte the; yard
And caught the pee chickens cempletely eff guard
They*re laying eggs now, Just like they used te
Ever since that reester, flew inte the yard
They? re laying eggs new, just like they used te
Ever since that reester, flew inte the yard*
19
NAPALM 49
(Tuna - Titanic)
It was up by Soperi -where the Yalu meets the sea
I was out on a recce to see what I could see
When I spied a farmer man with his pitchfork in his hand
It was sad when my napalm went down*
Chorus:
It was sad,r oh it was sad
It was sad when my napalm went down (hit the farmer)
There were husbands and wives
Itty bitty children lost their lives
It was sad when sgr napalm went down*
It was up by Kuniri where I won my DFC
I was out on a recce to see what I could see
When I spied a church below apid I let my rockets go
It was sad when those rockets went down*
Chorus:
It was sad, oh it was sad
It "was sad when those rockets went down (hit the steeple)
All the people ran like hell
When those rockets hit the bell
It was sad when those rockets went down*
It was up by Sinanju where I krjew I was through
The 50 fs and 40 ?s had shot my turbine through
It was when I hit the silk, oh my God I strained my milk
It was sad when that pilot went dewne
Chorus:
It was sad, oh it was sad
It was sad when that pilot went down (hit the bottom)
There were husbands and wives
Itty bitty children lost their lives
It was sad when that pilot went down,,
AND I LEARNED ABOUT FLYING FROM HIM 50
(Tune - I learned about Women from Her)
Iyve handled the stick and the rudder
I?ve flown quite a lot in my time
I!ve had my share of instructors
And some of the bunch were fine
A bowlegged fellow from Princetown
And one that was trained at Cornell
And a fellow from Brooks, but they gave him the hooks
And the Shavetail that gave me hello (Cent.)
20
AND I LEARNED ABOUT FLYING FROM HIM (Cm*.)
The fellow from Princeton was steady
He taught me to,takeoff and land
Hefd Bet her down en three points
And loop her to beat the band
But when I went up for a solo
The Jennie was steady and trim
Well, I landed that ship, but I busted my hip
And I learned about flying from hinu
The man from Cornell was a bad one
A sen-ef-a-gun I will say
The dirty tail-spin he gave me
Will last for many a day
I donated a lunch to the cockpit
But he dived and spun her again
He gave me a howl when I ducked for the cowl
And I learned about flying from him„
The fellow from Brooks used the Gosport
And he talked through a long rubber tube
All that I heard was his swearing
He spotted me for a boob
I'll never forget one bad tailspin
He yelled, kicked the rudder you simp
But I didn't kick, I wust wiggled the stick
And I learned about flying from him<>
At last I came to formation
And took a fast ship from the line
I made the first turn a humming
And brought her back upright just fine
I sped up the ship without thinking
And hit number two in the wing
And — when I go well, the CO gave me hell
And I learned about flying from him0
I've handled the stick and the rudder
I've flown quite a lot in my time
I?ve had my share of instructors
And some of the bunch were fine
But take some straight dope from a flyer
And go with Navy to sea
For the ships they have there can land anywhere
And learn abmut flying from mee
WRECK OF OLD »97 51
There were 97 airplanes warming up on the apron
Not enough room you could see
No the first ninety-six were of recent construction
Bust the last one was a Fifty-one D„ (Cent.)
21
WRECK OF OLD '97 (Cent.)
She was eld f97 and she had a fine record
But she hadn't been flown that year
And she creaked and groaned when they started her engine
Fer she knew that her time was hear,
A Second Liewtenant wandered into operations
And he asked fer a ship er two
And they said, "Young man, we are very shert ef airplanes
But wefU see what we can de0
"New the first forty-seven are reserved fer Majors
And the Captains have the next forty-nine
But there's ene mere ship en the end ef the apren
The last ship upon the linec
He was headed fer Wenju and frem there te Chinhae
And he had te make that flight
Se he said, "OoKc, if yeu give me a clearance
I will get there semetime tonight."
Oh, he flew ever Taejen and the Taegu airstrip
And the ceiling began te fall
And the cleuds clesed dewn en the teps ef the mountains
And ceuldn*t see the ground at all
He flew through the rain and he flew through a snowstorm
Till the light began to fail
When he found a railroad going in his direction
And he said, ?II?11 get there by rail."
He flew down a valley and he dodged through the mountains
And he kept that road in sight
Till the rails disappeared through a hole in the mountains
And he ended his last long flight*
There was old 97, withher nose in the mountain
And her wheels upon the trafak
And her throttle was bent in the forward position
But her ingin was facing backo
Now ladies please listen and heed my warning
From this time ever on
Never speak harsh words to your flyboy husband
He may leave your and never return.
SAFE HAND MAIL 52
(Tune - Wreck of the Old 97)
They gave him his orders at old Itazuke
Saying, "Bill, youfre way behind time."
Take this safe hand mail in your way weary mustang
And put fer in Nagoya on time* (Cen£.)
22
SAFE HAND MAIL (Cent.)
Bill turned and he said te his black, greasy, crew chief
"IS my spaqnr-can ready te rell?n
Just head fer dewn the runway and epen up the threttle
And I111 call Camel Centrel."
There was ene dark cleud between Befu and Nageya
But Bill was a gauge pilet beld
It was in this cleud that he spun all his gyres
And his Mustang did three snap rellSo
He came rearin* dewn the bettem dein' a millien miles an heur
When the tip-tanks came eff with a scream
They f eund him in the wreck with his hand en the threttle
Still flying the Tekye beam,,
Fare-thee well, eh fare-thee well
Old Bill breke his mustang all te hell
There'll be ne mere suki-hacki at geed eld Itazuke
Fare-thee well, eh fare-thee wello
MOONSHINE 53
(Tune - Yeu are my Sunshine)
Yeu: are n$r meenshine, my enly meenshine
Yeu guide my fighters, when skies are grey
I chase yeur begies, frem here te Meji
Just te find they have gene the ether way0
The ether day beys, as I was flying
I heard meenshine centreller say
nTfve get a begie dewn by Kurume
Wen't yeu head yeur jet that-a-way?"
He said he had me in radar centact
And I believed him Hiker a depe
I flew te Meji - and still ne begie
He had chased a fly acress the seepe*
Yeu were my meenshine, my enly meenshine
Hew ceuld jmu let me dewn this way
My chute was swingin! - they heard me singinT
Wen*t yeu take u^ meenshine away0
23
HERE'S TO THE REGUUR AIR FORCE 54
(Tuna - My Bonnie Lie* Over The Ocean)
In peace time the regulars are happy
In peace time they're happy te serve
But let them get into a fracas
and they'll call eut the Ged Damn reserves
Cherus: Call eut, CaJJL eut
Call eut the Ged Damn Reserves, reserves
Call eut, Call eut
Gh, call eut the Ged Damn reserves*
Here's te the regular Air Ferce
They have such a wenderfui plan
TBey call up the Cted Damn reservist
Whenever the shit hits the fan*
The call up every el)£ pilet
They call up every yeung ifcan
The reservists they ge te Kerea
The regulars stay in Jappjto
Here's te the rgular Air Ferce
With medals and badges galere
Jf it wpren^t fer the Ged Damn reservist
Their ass weuld be dragging the fleer*
Cherus 2: Fight en, fight en,
Fight en regular Air Ferce
Fight en, fight en,
Fight en, fight en
Fight en regular Air Ferce
Fight ©n*.
SPRING TIMS ON THE IALU 55
(Tune - When It's Spring Time d*n the Reckies)
When it's spring time en the Yalu and the Mig's ceme eut te play
And the centralis run in circles, fighter pilets earn their pay
We'll held eur triggers steady when eur sights are zereed in
We'll held eur glasses ready when they pass eut rum and gin*
When it?s spring time en the Yalu and the mapalm is in bleem
And yeur 50's de the talking and it;s jus a Mig and yeu
Ones again yeu? 11 hear wttisper that m^ ftiel is running lew
When it's spring time en the Yalu then it's time fer us te gee
24
TO THE REGULABS 56.
(Tune = Mr. and Mrs. Mississippi)
I wen't ferget Kerea
I can't ferget Kunsan
Fer Syngman Rhee and Jee Stalin
Have made me feel at heme
I flew acress the bembline
And get a hijle er twe
But all I get tos a creek ef shit
Frem yeu and yeu and yeuv
Cherus:
Oh I was called te risk my ass
and save the UeN, tee
But all I get was a creek ef shit
Frem yeu and yeu and yeu
The AA was terrific
The small arms were intense
While flybeys bembed the frent lines
The divisien did the rest
While the regulars held their desk jebs
The reserves were calld en masse
The Uo No knew the air reserve
was the ene te save their ass0
I leve yeu dear eld USA
With all my aching heart
If I ha4n9t jeined the damn reserves
Wefd never?ve had te part
But we wenft cry and we wen't squawk
Fer we are net alene
Fer ene ef these days the regularfsfll ceme
And we can all ge heme0
New we den't mind the hardships
We've faced them in the past
But we wender if eut cengressmen
Have had ferties up their ass
We have te fight te save the peace
Thatft what the bastards said
But when yeu check the casualties
Yeu?11 find ne senaters deado
I*m geing te raise a family
When this was is threugh
I hepe te have a beuneing bey
Te tell my steries te
But semeday when he grews up
If he jeins the air reserve
I?ll kick his ass frem dawn te dusk
Fer that?s what he111 deserve*
25
COPILOTS LAMENT 57
(Tune-The Cewbeys Lament)
Irm the ce-pilet. ♦ . I ait en the right
It's Tip te me te be quick and bright
I never talk back, fer Ifll have regret
And I must remember what the captain fergets.
I ainke eut the flight plan and study the weather
Pull up the gear and stand by te feather
Make eut the mail ferms and de the reporting
And fly the eld crate when the captain is snering,
I take the readings and adjust the pewer
Put en the heaters when we!er in a shewer
Tell where we are en the darkest night
And de all the beek werk witheut any light •
I call fer my ceaptain and buy him cekes
I always laugh at his ceray jekes
And ence in a while when his landings are rusty
I ceme threugh with, "Gawd, but it's gusty,"
All in all, I'm a general steege
As I sit te the right ef this man screege
But maybe semeday with great understanding
He111 seften a bit and geve me a landing.
BOZZIN' BUDDIES 58
A fighter pilet lay dying
The medics had left him fer dead
All areund him wemen were crying
And these are the werds that he saido
Take the tailpipe eut ef my stemach
Take the burner eut ef my brain
Take the turbine eut ef my kidney
And assemble the unit again•
Fer we are the beys whe fly high in the sky
Besem buddies while beezin,'
We are the beys they sent eut te die
Bedem buddies while bezin1,
Up in headquarters they sin and they sheut
Talking ef things they knew nething abeut
We are the beys whe fly high in the sky
Besem buddies while beezin*
Besem Buddies while beezin'*
Besem Buddies while beezin',
26
STAND TO TOUR GLASSES 59
A p##r aviator lay a-dying
At the end mf a bright summer day
And his c«mrads were gathered areimd him
Te carry his fragments away.
Oh, his bird was piled on his wishbone
And his engine was wrapped around his head
And he wore a spark plug on each elbow
Twas plain he would shortly be dead,
Oh, he spat out a valve and a gasket
As he stirred in the sump where he lay
And to his sorrowing comrades
These brave parting words he say«
Pllbe riding a cloud in the morning
With no merlin before me to course
So come along and get busy
Another lad now wants the hearse,
Take the manifold out of my larynx
And the cylinder out of my brain
Take the piston rods out of my kidneys
And assemble the engine again0
With rusted fifties and rockets
With pilots as old as they seem
We fly these worn out mustangs
Against the KLG-15.
Forgotten by the land that bore us
Betrayed by the ones we held dear
The good have all gone before us
And only the dull are still hear*
So stand to your glasses steady
This world is a world full of lies
Here9s a toast to those dead already
And here's to the next man to die,
SONG OF THE ZULU WARRIORS 60
Ay zigga zumba s&umba zumba
Ay ssigga aumba sumba ssay
Ay ssigga sumba £umba zumba
Ay asigga ssuraba sumba zay.
Hold1 em down, you Zulu warriors
Hold! em down, you Zulu Chiefs
Chief** Chiefs Chiefs
Chi-ga-ma-lie-------oh!
27
I WANTED WINGS 61
I wanted -wings till I got the god-damned things
Now I don't want them any more
They taught me how to fly then they sent me off to die
ITve had a belly dull of war
You can save those Zero's for the god-damned heros
Distinguished Flying Crosses do not compensate for losses, Buster
Chorus:
I wanted wings till I go the god-damned things
Now I don't want them any more*
I'll take the dames while the rest go down in flames
I've no desire to be burned
Air combat spalls romance, but it makes me wet my pants
I'm not a fighter I have learned
You can save those Mitsubitsi's for those other sons-o-bitches
Cause I'd rather lay a woman than be s!hot down in a Brumman,
Buster
Now, I'm too young to die in a damned old PBY
That's for the eager not for me
I won?t trust to luck to be picked up by a duck
After I've crashed into the sea
Cause I'd rather be a bell hop than a flyer on a flat top
With rs^r hand around a bottle not around a god-damned throttle,
Buster*
Now I don't care to tour over Berlin or the Ruhr
Flak always makes me lose my lunch
I get a urge today^ when they holler bombs away
For there's one thing you canBt laugh off
And that's when they shoot your ass off
For I'd rather be home buster with my ass then with a cluster,
.Buster,
They feed us lousy chow but we stay alive somehow
On dehydrated eggs and milk and stew
What will they think of next? They? 11 be dehydrating sex
And on that day I'll tell the coach I'm through
For I dearly love my humpin-, and I'd love to do some pumpin'
But I'd rather come with chowder, than to come with lumps of
powder, Buster
Now the day that we bombed Mets, I ran out of cigaretts
I always smoke one for my gut
They make them by the ton, but I haven't got one
Oh what I'd give to have a butt
Now the home front may be pitching, but I still will do my
bitching
Till I find some real sharp cookie, who can mass produce some
nookie, Buster
28
I WANTED WINGS 62
(Korean Version)
I wanted wings till I got the god-damn things
Now I don't want them any more
I donft want a tour in Korea thatTs for sure
I've had a belly full of war
I don't want my fanny frozen
In that putrid land of Chosen
Fighting KEG's of Uncle Joe's
In an atmosphere that's frigid frozen, buster
I wanted wings till I got the god-damn things
Now I don't want them anymore*
I dpn't want to die over Antung in the sky
MIG's always make me barf my lunch
For me there's no Hey, Hey, screaming
Bogies that-a-way
I'd rather be home with the bunch
Now there's one thing you can't laugh off
And that's when they shoot your ass off
I would rather be home buster
With my ass than with a cluster, Buster
I wanted wings till I got the god-damn things
Now I don't want them any more*
SQUADRON SONG 63
Oh, we are the boys from the 523rd
You've heard so much about
Mothers keep their daughters in
Whenever we go out
We're full of whiskey
We're always full of booze
Oh, we are the boys from the 523rd
Now who the hell are youse<>
As we go marching
And the band begins to P^I<*A*Y
You can hear the people shouting
Raggedy Razs;, Raggedy Razz
523rd on paradeo
Whowawa
Who owns this club, whowawa
Who otos this club, whowawa
Woh own$ this club, the people cried
We own this club
We own this club
Five twenty third squadron we replied!!
29
GOOD OLD MOUNTAIN DEW 64
Chorus: They call it that good old mountain dew
And them that refuse it are few
I'll hush up my mug if you'll fill up my jug
With that good old mountain dew.
Theref s an old hollow tree, down the road here from me
Where you lay down a dollar or two
Then, you go around the bend, and when you come back again
Tour jug is full of that good old mountain dew
My brother Bill, has a still on the hill
Where he runs off a gallon or two
The buzzards in the sky, get so drunk they can't fly
Just from smelling that good old mountain dew.
Now my cousin Mort, he is sawed off and short
Only measures bout four foot two
But he thinks he's a giant, when you give him a pint
Of that good old mountain dew.
My old aunt June, bought some brand new perfume
And it had such a sweet smelling phew
But to her surprise, when she had it analized
It was nothing but good old mountain dew0
The flask gets so thick, that it makes you feel sick
When you've been on a rail cut or two
But you * 11 never abort, if they'll give you a snort
Of that good old mountain dew.
BLOOD ON YOUR TUNIC 65
An Air Force Lieutenant to Pusan did stole
He'd just come back from a raid on Seoul
When an old MP Sgt said, "Pardon me, sir
Theres* blood on your tunic and mud on your knees • "
Chorus: La de a, La de a
Ther?s blood on your tunic
and mud on your knees
Now look here Sgt, you bloody damn fool
I've just come back from a raid on Seoul
Where ack ack is flying and comforts are few
And brave men are dying for bastards like you
Now the old MP Sgt said, Pardon, me sir,
But on the Lto I meant no slur
But the girls down in pusan are hard to please
With blood on your tunic and mud on your knees If!
30
THE PO RIVER VALLEY 66
(Tune-Red River Valley)
To the Po river valley we're going
For to gut us some trains and some tracks
But if I had my say-so about it
I!d still be back home in the sack
Come and sit by my side at the briefing
Do not hasten to bid me adiew
To the Po river valley we're going
And I'm flying four in flight blue*
We went for to check on the weather
And they said it was clear as can be
Now I lost my wingman T round the field
And the rest augered in out at sea.
S-2 said therfs no flak where we're going
S-2 said there's no flak on the way
There's a dark overcast o'er the target
I'm begining to doubt what they say
A spitfire went by like a whirlwind
And a mustang went by like a breeze
And a C-46 with one feathered
Went by towing five L-3's.
To the Po river valley we're going
And many strange sights we will see
But the one there that held my attention
Was the flak that they threw up at me.
FAREWELL TO ANTUNG UNIVERSITY 6?
Farewell to Antung University, I have risen to reality
Forty thousand is no place for me, with MIG-15's in the vicinity
With cannon balls Hying all around, Makes me wish that I'd stayed
on
the ground,
I should join the infantry, or take the Navy and go out to sea.
Where did red leader go, when I called out "Bingo"
That's what I'd like to know, just where in the hell did he go
He called "Red flight, BREAK RIGHT," all I did was tuck in tight
He climbed up in the sun and that's where the fun begun!
Flashes behind me, flashes around
Flashes above me, and flashes on the gound.
I called "Red leader, where in the hell did you roam?n
Clear yourself and ride the mach cause I am going home!"
31
BLESS THEM ALL 68
Bless them all, Bless them all
The needle, the airspeed the ball
Bless all the instructors
Who taught me to fly
Sent me up to solo and left me to die
So if ever your blow jet should stall
You're due for one hell of a fall
No lillies or violets for dead fighter pilots
So cheer up my lads, Bless them all
Bless them all, Bless them all
The long and the short and the tall
Bless all the sergeants
The sour puss ones
Bless all the Corporals and their dopey sons
Cause we?re saying goodby to them all
The long and the short and the tall
Xherefll be no promotions thas side of the ocean
So while we are here bless them all
CHITOSE BLUES 69
(Tune-Cigaretts nad Whiskey)
Once I was happy and had a dear wife
I had enough Yen to last me for Hie
I met a josan who was on the make
The bath it was hot and the Josan was too
If you go to Asmuchi ray boys your are through
I went to my room, some sleep for to get
She said no sleep boy, with me ther's no sweat
I woke the next morning at quarter past ten
She says, f,Hey Yankee, that's four thousand Yen."
I?m back in Chitose where we sing and we shout!
Me and the Doc are sweating it out
He gave me some pills from a jug on the shelf.
Then he poured out a dozen or two for himself.
Chorus:
Cigaretts and Saki and wild wild Josans
They111 drive you crazy, they'll drive you insane
Cigaretts and Saki and wild wild Josans
They'll drive you crazy, they'll drive you insane
32
KUNI-RI AND ANTUNG 70
(Tune - Cigaretts and Whiskey)
Once I was happy and had a good deal
Flew Fox-Eighty-Sixed at old Victorville
They asked for a volunteer, said, "I'll take you"
The nex£ thing I knew I was stuck in Taegu.
Chorus: Kuni-ri and Antung, and wild wild Pyong-yang
They'll drive you crazy, they'll drive you insane
Quad fifties and forties and one hundred sorties
They'll drive you crazy, they'll drive you insane
We go down to briefing while it is still night
We lift off the runway before it is light
We form in the gloom and we're off on our way
We're over the target before it is day<>
We're up to the Yalu, there's cons overhead
We think of the Wheels who are snug in their beds
We drop our big tips and we break to the right
"Josie" we cry with all of our might,
We steer on 280, we're up in the soup
We swear that the leader is doing a loop
Break out in the clear and set down on K-2
Be careful or willie will write about you.
Oh the chosen is frozen and all wet with ice
From thirty-five thousand she looks mighty nice
Bus ask a foot soldier and he'll set you plumb straight
It's covered with Reds blood imbeded with hate,
Oh the MIG is a blot on the whole human race
A man is a monkey to give one a chase
Here's mj description, take warning dear brother
There's fire on one end, but cannons on the other*
Went up to MIG alley, -J3-2 said "No sweat11
If I hadn't looked 'round, I'd be up there yet
Six MIG's jumped our ass, and the leader yelled "BREAK"
Got back to K-10, how my knees they did shake.
If I fly a hundred and they ask for more
I'll tell them to jam it, my ass is too sore
They can ram it and jam it for all that I care
Just give me a Wing Job, a desk and a chair.
I went on my mission to cut a rail track
They said, "There's no sweat 'cause ther ain't any flak"
But the guns from that place would make day out of night
Oh god how I wish all I did was dog fight
33
KUNI-RI AND ANTUNG (Cont.)
Oh itf s up to the Yalu in my flying machine
The Sui-Ho Reservoir is plainly seen
But MIGTs out of Antung send sweat down my back
So I head towards Kanggye and get shot, down by flak.
I grabbed those two handles and squeezed---what a sound
A kick in the ass, soon Ifm floating towards ground
I shoed them by blood shit, they said, "No sweat Mac"
They hand me an A frame, now Ifm walking back.
HUTCH fS BALLAD (Tune-Sure a Little Bit of Heaven) 71
Sure, our target it was blinkers
Way out in the hills so grand
Located in Korea, right next to no mans land
Our fans now they were G.I, ?s
And they thought our Mustangs grand
As we circled ofer the target
Watching fTWi 11 ie Peter" land
But our controller was neurotic
Near the ground he wouldn't go
We toggled off our babies
And we watched them hit below
He had placed his rockets wildly
And hefd fouled the whole damn show
But when we got the grading
Sure it was Zero - Zero
Sure, a little bit of airplane fell
From out the sky one day
It landed west of Pyongyang
Not very far away
Comet Red won?t be coming back
It made us very blue
But we went on to our target
And we dropped our babies true.
So we sprinkled it with fifties
Just to keep their heads down low
Then we hurried back to S-2
To lie about our show
When you read it in the papaers
All about the 18thfs capers
lou will know it's propaganda
For old Barcus, Bless his soul„
34
THE CUCKOO SONG 72
Now the Cuckoo is a strange bird
It sits on the grass
With its wings neatly folded
and its beak up its ass
From this strange position
It seldom does flit
For itfs hard to say"Cuckoon
With a beak full of----Sweet Violets etc.
SAVE A FIGHTER PILOTS ASS 73
(Tune-Throw a nickel on the Drum)
It was midnight in Korea
All the pilots were in bed
When up stepped Colonel_____________________________
And this is what he said,
"Sabres, gentle Sabres, Sabres one and all
Pilots, Gentle Pilots, And all the pilots BALLS
When up stepped a young Lieutenant
With a voice as harch as brass
You can take those God Damn Sabre Jets and shove them up your
ass.r!
Cruising down the Talu, doing six-twenty per
There came a call from the Major, Oh won't you save me sir
Got three big flak holes in my wings, my tanks ain't got no gas
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, got six MIG!s on my ass.
I shot my traffic pattern, to me it looked all right
The airspeed read one-thirty, mjf God I racked it tight
The airframe gave a shudder, the engine gave a wheeze
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, spin instructions please.
Fouled up my crosswind landing, the left wing hit the ground
There came .a call from the tower, pull up and go around
I racked that Sabre in the air a dozen feet or more
The engine quit, I almost shit, the gear came through the floor.
Split S onto my bomb run, I got too God Damn low
I pressed the bloody button, Let both my babies 'go
I sucked the stick back in my gut, I hit a high speed stall
Now I won't see my mother when the works all done this fall
They sent me up to Pyongyang, the brief said "Skoshe ack ack,f
But by the time I got there, my wings were holed by flak
My aircraft went into a spin, it would no longer fly
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, I am too young to die
I bailed out from the Sabre, my landing was top line
With my E and E equipment, I made for our front line
When I opened up my ration time, to see what was in it
My God Damn Quartermaster, had filled the thing with shit.
(Cont.)
35
SAVE THE FIGHTER PILOTS ASS (Cont.)
Now in this Commie prison camp, I am obliged to sit
For one cannot go very far, on a ration tin of shit
If I am ever free again, I will no longer fly
But I'll have Quartermaster bollix, for breakfast till I die.
Chorus: Oh Halleluia, Oh Halleliua, Throw a nickel on the grass
Save fighter pilots ass
oh Halleluia, Oh Halleluia, Throw a nickel on the grass
And you'll be saved
Oh, while rolling down the runway, and headed for the ditch
I looked down at my prop, My God it's in high pitch
I pulled back on the stick, and rose into the air
Glory, Glory Halleluia, How did I get there.
The boys up from the other group, they think they are so hot
They brag about the "Bluetails", that they've so often shot
One thing they don't remember, when are they holler and hoot
Is to look into their mirror, just before they shoot.
I hear we're leaving Europe, they say we're going home
They tell us no more wandering, never more we'll roam
But the Colonels up at Langley, are planning on the sly
Just where they're gonna send us, on our next TDX.
I started on my takeoff, I thought the flaps were down
But when I pulled the gear up, the dive brake scraped the ground
The General he smiled at me, he thought it was great fun
But then I met the FEB, Chitose here I come*
We flew our Sabres through the war, we, flew them far and fast
But when the war was over, we knew it couldn't last
They sent our old instructiors, to teach us all their tricks
So now we're flying training, behind those dirty pricks.
Letting down frm forty-four, busting through mach;
That Sabre Jet was moving now , falling like a rock
My boom was aimed right at the field, there was an awful sound
Since we're flying training now, I'm sitting on the ground.
I started up into a loop, I thought that I was clear
I pulled up under Colonel Blood, I thought the end was near
I went before the F.E.B., and they gave me the works
Gory, Glopy Halleluia, what a bunch of jerks.
Strafin' on the panel, I made my pass too low
There came a call from Melrose, "Gme more and home you gon
I pulled that Sabre in the blue, she hit a high speed stall
Now I won't see my mother, when the work's all done this fall
Now I'm in the gutter, with pret2Q.es in my beer
With pretzels in *Ty whiskers, I knew the end was near
Then came this glorious Air Force, to save me from the worst
Everybody bust a butt and sing the second verse.
36
PUSAN U 7k
(Tune - Sioux City Sue)
We were roaming round the country side, TTwas down near Pusan bay
We stepped into a local bar
To pass the time away
I met a gal from old Chin Ju
She was a sight to view
I asked her where she came from
and she said, "Punsan U*n
Chorus: Oh Pusan U, Oh Pusan U
The finest school in all the land
The University that's grand
Oh pusan U, Oh Pusan U
I hail my Alma Mater
Oh Pusan, to you
I enrolled in that great college
Founded by Kim Pac Su
fTwas built of honey buckets
So they called it Pusan U
The smell it was terrific
But fortune saw me through
So now I lift this glass
to the school of Pusan U
Chorus: Oh Pusan U, Oh Pusan U
Your course is good for engineers
A-frames, ox carts pulled by sheers
Oh Pusan U, Oh Pusan U
I hail my Alma Mater
Oh Pusan, to you
I saw a girl most beautiful
She was a sight to view
She won a beauty contest
She was crowned Miss Pusan U
They spotted her in Hollywood
Now she1 s a star there too
When asked to what she owes her fame, She says, "Oh Pusan U.lf
REPEAT FIRST CHORUS:
We have an A-l baseball team
We win our cames straight through
They ask us where we come from
And we say, Pusan U,
We have a pitcher who is tops
Our batters are good too
And very time we come to bat
The crowd yells, "Pusan U*n
REPEAT SECOND CHORUS:
37
STRAFIN* ROUND THE MOUNTAIN 75
(Tune - She'll be Comin Round the Mountain)
Now listen all you airmen young and old
To the tale of Fighter Pilots young and bold
With their fighters painted yellow
Leaping off to contact Mellow
In the crisp Korean air so blue and cold.
It was dive bomb old Sinuiju, stop the Reds
Eight one thousand pounders loader, instand heads
Four birds lined up on the runway
Wish I!d gone to church on Sunday
Hope we catch those lousy Commies in their beds
Twenty thousand over Pyongyang on Northwest
Gas Mask flight about to face the acid test
Till at last the Talu Rivgsr
Which makes my liver quiver
With flak guns lined up twenty-four abreast*
Dusty clouds roll up from Antung cross the way
Twenty swept wing Chinese War birds out to play
Thirty-sevens, twenty-threes
All lit up like Christmas trees
Tip tanks salvoed off we leap into the fray*
Kimpo tower clear the pattern in great haste
Twenty victory roll our pilots do with grace
It was thrilling, it was hairy
Near that privilidged sanctuary
Synghman Rhee will soon be president of this place.
Kimpo tower this is Gas Mask Willie Four
I am heading hime, Pm thro\gh with this damn war
Cause they're sending back to Moscow for some more
A NAVY PRAYER 76
Our father, who art in Washington
Truman is thy name
The Navyfs done
the Air Force won
On the Atlantic, as in the Pacific
Give us this day, our appropriations
And forgive us our accusations
As we forgive our accusers
Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from Matthew and Johnson
For thine is the power
the B-36 and the " Air Force
Forever and everc Airmen
38
THE SCOTCH WEDDING 77
Prelude: There was a ball a bloody great ball, the ball of Kerrie
Muir
Four and twent prostitutes shaggin on the moor
Oh the King "was in his counting house, counting out his wealth
The Queen was in the bed room, playing with herself.
Chorus: Singing I911 do ye this time, I'll dee it noo
The mon that did it last night, could na do it noo
Oh the bride was in the bedroom, explaining to the groom
The vagina not the rectum, is the entrance to the wornj)
Oh the parsons wife she was ther, seated down in front
A wreath of rosses around her neck, a carrot up her cunt,
Oh the village parson he was there, and very surprised to see
Four and twent maidenheads hanging from a tree*
Oh the parsons daughter she was ther, she had them all in fits
Diving off the mantlepiece, and landing on her tits,
They were fucking in the haylofts, fucking in the ricks
You could na hear the music for the slushing of the pricks
They were fucking in the barley, fucking in the oats
Some were fucking sheep and some were fucking goats
Oh the village blacksmith, he was there, his hammer and his awls
Talking to the queen and showing off his balls
They were fucking in the parlors, fucking on the stairs
You could na see the carpets for the come arid curly hairs
The village idiot he was therf, a making like a fool
Pulling his foreskin over his head and whistling through his
tool,
Plowman Jack he was there, the bugger would na dance
Sitting with a hard on, and waiting for his chance.
The fierey Colonel he was ther, he'd fit amongst the Boers
He jumped upon the table and shouted for the shores
The village cripple he was ther, he couldna do ver much
So he laid them on the carpet, and he fucked them with is crutch
The chimneysweep and he was the there, we had to put him oot
For every time he farted, he filled the room with soot
the village postman he was there, he had a dose of pox
He couldna fuck his lassie so he fucked the letter box
And when the ball was over, and the folks went home to rest
They said they enjoyed the music, but the fucking was the best,
CHORUS:
THE Village smithy he was there, he wouldn't play the games
He frigged a lassie fourteen times, before he finally came
Twas the gathering of the clan, And all the lads were there
A grabbin* all the lassies and friggin1 without a care.
39
THE PERSIAN KITTY 78
The persian kitten perfumed and fair
Stepped out in the garden to get some air
A torn ct lanky, lean, and long
Dirty and yellow came along
He sniffed at the perfumed persian cat
As she walked by with much eclat
Thinking of a little time to pass
Whispered, "Kitten, you sure got class"
Now fitting and proper the kitten replied
As she arched one whisker over her eye
f,I?ve been raised on lillows of silk,
Never drank nothing but certified milk"
Oh I should be happy with all that I got
I should be happy, but happy I am not
I diould be happy, happy indeed*
For you see I'm highly pedigreed"
Cheer up said the torn cat with a smile
Just trust your new found friend for awhile
You don't have to leave your own back fence
For kitten all you need is experience
Tales of joy he then unfurled
As he told her the story of the our side world
Then suggested with a luried laytgh
That they take a little trip down the primrose path
Morning after the night before
When the kitten returned at the hour of four
The innocent look on her eye had went
And the smile on her face was the smile of content
Months later when the came
To vie those kittens of edigreed fame
They weren?t persian, they were black and tan
And she told ?em that their father was a travelin1 man
A rack em up, shack em up travelin1 man.
TATOOED LADY 79
(Tune~My Indiana Home)
I married me a tatooed lady
To roam around her body was a treat
And every night before retireing
I?d pull the covers back and take a peek
Around her waist was Pennsylvania, and on her hip was Tennessee
And tatooed on her back was dear old Hackensack
From the state of New Jersy
Now on her chest was West Virginia
Through those hills I loved to roam
But when I smw the moonlight shining on the wabash
Then I recognized my Indiana homee
40
CALL OUT THE ARMY AND THE NAVY
M Monday I touched her on the ankle
Tuesday I touched her on the knee
Wednesday with success. I lifted up her dress
Thursday her chemise, Gor Blimey
Friday I put my hand upon it
Saturday night she gave me balls a tweak
And Sunday after supper, I rammed the old boy up her
And now I?m paying seven bob a week, Gor Blimey
Chorus: I don?t want to join the Army
I donft want to go to war
I just want to hhng around
gicadilly around
Living of the earnings of a high born lady
Don?t want a bullet up my arse hole
Donft want me buttocks shot away
I?d rather be in England
In Jolly Jolly England
And fornicate me bloody life away
Call out the army and the Navy
Call out the rank and file
Call out the royal territorials
They face danger with a smile
Call out the boys of the old brigade
That made old England free
You can call out me Mother
Me sister and me Brother
But for God's sake don?t call me, Gor Blimey.
TAEGU GIRLS
We are from Taegu, Taegu are we
We donvt believe in virginity --- Oh horse-shit
We don't use candles we use broom handles
We are the Taegu girls
And every night at twelve on the clock
We watch the white man piss on the ROK
We like the way he handles his cock
We are the Taegu girls.
And every year at our annual dance
We go around without any pants
We like to give those pilots a chance
We are the Taegu, talk about your Taegu, We are the taegu girls.
41
POOR LITTLE ANGELINE 82
She was sweet sixteen, she was the village queen
Pur and innocent was Angeline
She never had a thrill, was a virgin still
Poor little Angeline <>
Now at the village fair, the Squire was there
Masturbating on the village square
When he chanced to see, the dainty little knee
Of poor little Angeline*
So he raised his hat, and he said your cat
Has been ridden o'er and smashed quite flat
But it isnFt far, and I?ve got my car
Poor little Angeline.
Now they hadn?t gone far, when he stopped the car
And dragged her into the nearest bar
Where he filled her with gin, to tempt her to sin
Poor little Angeline.
When hefd filled her quite well, he dragged her to a dell
Where he attempted to give her hell
By trying his luck, at a low down fuck
With poor little Angeline
With a cry of rape, he raised he cape
Poor little girlie there was no es:cape
Unless someone came, to save the name
Of poor little Angeline.
Now the blacksmith bold, had a heart of gold
Been her lover for years untold
And he promised to be true, and faithful too
Poor little Angeline*
But sad to say, on that very same day
He'd been sent to jail and there to stay
For coming in his pants at the local dance
With poor little Angeline
Now the window of his cell, overlooked the dell
Wherein the squire viae giving her hell
As they lay on the grass, he recognized the ass
Of poor little Angeline.
So with a mighty start, and a hearty fart
He blew the prison bars wide apart
And he ran like shit, lest the squire should split
Poor little Angeline.
When he got to the spot, and saw what was what
He tied the villain's pinis in a knot
As he lay upon his guts, he got a kick in the guts
From poor little Angeline,
42
THE RIVER RAN RED 8'
(Tune- Titanic)
Number one was having fun, number two got quite a few
Number four got some more as he said
n0h the river ran red with blood of the dead
As we came around and tried to get some morefT.
The road was full of ruts, and the ruts were full of guts
Little children sucking tits had them shot right from their inits
Oh the river ran red with blood of the dead
As we came around and tried to get some more
There was a women in the crowd, little children cried aloud
But they all carried guns for the foe
There were some who turned around, when they heard that awful
sound
As we came around and tried to get some more.
Oh it seemed an awful crime, as we shot them in their prime
But they got number three don?t you see
Yes they shot him down with flak, and they broke is bloody back
As we came around and tried to get some more.
Number one was having fun, number two got quite a few
Number four got some more as he said
T10h the river ran red with blood of the dead
As we came around and tried to get some more.
STRAFERS 84
When I was a cadet9 an innocent lad
The Chaplin told me the good from the bad
And of all his words, these were his last
Never fly high and never fly fast.
So I joined up the strafers with these words in mind
And off to New Guinea did go
But when I got there I was to find
The strafers fly too gosh darn low....Oh.
We fly oser the treetops with inches to spare
There's smoke in the cockpit and grey in our hair
The tracers look fine as strafing we go
But brother you? re flying just too gosh darn low.
MIG 15 85
(Tune- I t! ought I taw a Puttycat)
I tf ought I taw a MIG-15* a tweeping up on me
Idid, I did, I taw him, As big as he could be.
I am that great big MXG-15, Ivan is mj name
And if I catch that ?84> Is 11 shoot him down in flame.
43
OLD SOLDIERS NEVER DIE 86
Then up and spoke a sailors wife
And she was dressed in green
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a submarine
She had a submarine my boys
With conning tower complete
And in the other corner she had half the fucking fleet,
Chorus s She had those dark and dreamy eyes
With a whiz bang up he nighty
Singing Hi Jack* come and have a skin back
Come and have a bang at Liza, singing
Old soldiers never die, they just smell that way*
Then up and spoke the gunners wife
And she was full of fun
And in one corner of her- funny little thing
She had a vickers gun
She had a vickers gun my boys
With the breech block and the sear
And in the other corner she had provisions for a year
Then up and s|>oke the pilots wife
And she was chewing gum
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a fifty-one
She had a fifty-one my boys
Two napalms and six guns
And in the other corner she had rockets by the tons
They up and spoke the skippers wife
She was dressed in black
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a fishing smack
She had a fishing smack my boys
The oarlocks and the oars
And in the other corner she had bags and bags of sores.
Then up and spoke the jockey's wife
And she was dressed in red
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a horses head
She had a horses head my boys
The bridle and the bit
And in the other corner she had bags and bags of shit.
Then up and spoke the brewers wife
And she was dressed in grey
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a brewers dray
She had a brewers dray my boys
The barrels and the beer
And in the other corner she had syph and ghonnorhea.
44
ON TOP OF OLD PYONGYANG 87
(Tune- On Top of Old Smokey )
On top of old Pyongyang, all covered with flak
I lost my poor wingman, he111 never come back
For flying is pleasure, and dying is grief
And a quick triggered commie, is worse than a thief
For a thief will just rob you, and take all you save
But the quick triggered commie, will send you to the grave
And the grave will destroy you, and turn you to dust
Not one MIG in a thousand, A Sabre Jet can trust .
Now when the bad weather, keeps the ships down
All day we can hear, this horrible sound
Attention all pilots, now listen to this
There'll be a short meeting, That you dare not miss.
Theyf 11 give us some lectures, then give us some more
But we have all heard them, twenty-five times or more
Now listen you trainees, you can't fight the group
Whatever they tell you, is superfluous poop.
ON TOP OF OLD FUJI 88
On top of old Fuji, all covered with snow
I lost my jet pilot, from flying too low
He put on an air show, he did it for me
On top of Mt Fuji, he clobbered a tree
With throttle wide open, he made his last pass
At altitude zero, he busted his ass.
RED NOSE MIGS 89
(Tune- Shrimp Boats)
Oh the red nose MIG?s are comin'
Not a Sabre in sight
Oh the red nose MIGfs are comin1
And they want to fight
Let's hurry, hurry, hurry home
Oh won't you hurry, hurry, hurry home
Oh the red nose MIG's are comin1
Not a Sabre in sight.
45
THE CAMEL 90
The crew they all ride in the dory
The captain he rides in the gig
It don't go a damn bit faster
But it makes the old bastard feel big
Chorus: Singing toraly toraly toraly a
Toraly toraly A
It donst go a damn bit faster
But it makes the old bastard fell big
The sexual life of a camel
Is greater than anyone thinks
In mcnents of amorous passion
He often makes love to the sphinx.
Now the sphinxes posterier organs
Are blocked by the sands of the nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the sphinxes inscrutable smile.
Exhaustive experimentation
By Darwin and Huxley and Hall
Has proved that the. ass of a hedgehog
Can hardly be buggered at all.
Oh why don?t the boys down at Harvard
Do like the boys down at Yale
They pull all the quills from the hedgehog
So it?s easy to grab by the tail.
Here's to the girls of North Adams
And here's to the streets that they roam
And here's to their dirty faced bastards
God bless them they may be our own.
Here's to old Fort Massachusetts
And here's to the old Mohawk trail
And here's to the Indian maidens
They gave us our first piece of tail.
OLD BEER BOTTLES 91
It was only an old beer bottle
Floating on the foam
It was only an old beer bottle
Ten thousand miles from home
Inside was a piece of paper
With these words written on
Whoever finds this bottle
Will find the beer all gone.
46
CATS ON THE ROOF TOP 92
The hippopotamus so it seems, seldom if ever has wet dreams
But when he does, he comes in streams
As we revel in the joys of copulations
Chorus: Cats on the roof tops, cats on the tiles
Cats with the syphillis, cats with the piles
Cats with their ass holes wreathed in smiles
As we revel in the joys of copulation.
Down in the Pampas, down in the grass, mama armadillo has an iron
bound ass
But papa armadillo has a prick of brass
As we revel in the joys of copulation
Way down south where the alligators roar
There isn't such a thing as an alligator whore
Cause all the alligators are too sore
As we revel in the joys of copulation.
Oh the elephant is a funny old bloke
Who very sledom gets his poke
But when he does he dips it quick
As we revel in the joys of copulation.
______________________ is a friend of mine
His dub he very seldom pounds
But when he does the alls resound
Kb we revel in the joys of copulation.
POOR BUT HONEST 93
Oh she was poor but she was honest
The victim of a rich mans whim
When she met that southern gentleman Big Jim Folsom
And she had a child by him
Now he sits in the Legistlature
Making laws for all mankind
While she walks the streets of Dotham Alabama
Selling chunks of her behind
It's the rich what gets the glory
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the same the whole world over - over over
Now ain't that a God Damn shame.
47
PIPER LAPRIE 94
Salvation Army, Salvation Army
Standing on the corner in the night, night, night
Beating on your drum with your finger up your bung
Singing mama hold iny pee-pee while I pee.
Sergeant Major, Sergeant Major
Standing in your uniform so bright bright bright
Saluting with your hand with your bollix in the sand
Singing Corporal hold my pee-pee while I pee*
Naughty Baby, Naughty Baby
Keeping all the neighbors up at night, night, night
Standing on your head in the middle of the bed
Singing mama hold my pee-pee while I pee
General Barcus, General Barcus
Looking at your stars so big and bright, bright, bright
Coming down the hill singing Colonel have a thrill
Singing Colonel hold my pee-pee while I pee,
Piper Laurie, Piper Laurie
Having skoshie chop-chop at the club, club, club
As I gaze into your eyesand by pee-pee starts to rise
Singing Piper hold my pee-pee while I pee.
ACE IN THE HOLE 95
Oh the world is full of guys, who think they're mighty wise
Just because they know a thing or two
You can see them night a day strolling up and down broadway
Telling of the things that Ibhey can do
Oh there are wise men and there are boosers
Con men and crap shooters, they all hang around the metropole
Wearing fancy ties and collars, where do they get those dollars
They all have that ace down in the hole*
Some of them write to the old folks for coins,
That's their old ace in the hole
Others have girls on the old tender-loin
That's their old ace in the hole
They'll tell you of places that they're going to see
From Frisco to the old north pole
But their name would be mud, like a chump playing stud
If they lost that old ace in the hole0
48
THE MISSION 96
(Time- The Thing)
I looked upon the schedule and was as happy as a king
For once I had a mission when I wasn't flying wing
I went down to the briefing room and my tiger blood went ping
For there sat Major Nichols and they had me on his wing
For there sat Major Nichols and they had me on his wing.
The mission was all briefed to go at quarter after nine
Big Dog had given us all the poop, the weather it was fine
"One word of advice" he said to us, "Though I hate to spoil your
fun
Stay out from in front of the MIG-15, it's got too big a gun
Stay out from in front of the MIG-15, it's got too big a gun,
We were augerin' around away up there as watchful as could be
Reichman said, "Take a look at six and see what you can see,"
I took a look at six o'clock and much to my surprise
I discovered a MIG-15, right before my eyes
I discovered a MIG-15, right before my eyes,
The cannon balls were flying around as thipk as they could be
I took one look and said, says I, this ain't the place for me
I rolled it over and sucked it through and took it down below
Sayin' get out of here with that BOOM BOOM BOOM and don't (some
back no more"
Sayin' get out of here with that BOOM BOOM BOOM and don't come
ba/ck no more.
I shoved the throttle to the wall a runnin' for mjr life
Skelton said, "Come back you coward and join into the strife*"
"Your ass," said I with quaking voice, "This ain't no place for
me."
So I racked it up and pulled it around and took it out to sea
So I racked it up and pulled it around and took it out to sea.
I rolled it out of that six G turn out over the briny deep
That MIG could not have followed me cause I sure racked it steep
But when I looked back, Oh there he sat, as fat as he could be
And he was shooting those cannon balls, and they were coming
right at me
And he was shooting those cannon balls, and they were coming
right at me.
I took a hit upon the wing, another in the tail
The way that Sabre was lurchin1 around I'd surely have to bail
I braced myself and said a prayer and pulled the handle red
Oh, if I hadn't gotten out of the flaming wreck, I surely wound
up dead
Oh, if I hadn't gotten out of the flaming wreck, I surely wound
up dead,
The moral of this story is, if you're up in a fight
And you've got a MIG at six o'clock, and he's all tucked in tight
Don't ever roll out or pull it up, that's my advice to you
Cause you'll never get rid of the Son of a Bitch, no matter what
you do
Cause you811 never get rid of the Son of a Bitch, no matter what
you do.
49
SPOT PROMOTION 97
(Tuii*- Cold Cold Heart )
I've tried, so hard ray friend, to think
That rank was worth a lot
But now you've gone and got yourself
Promoted to a spot
Your job is one that could be done
By any PFC
How can I get your ass shipped out
And get that spot for me*
You ' 11 be a full bird soon, my friend
Of that I have no doubt
The T/O's being changed right now
They ripped it inside out
Lieutenant General, Wing CO
The staff all gets one star
At least we'll have some rank around
To help us fight the warc
Another week or two in grade
We'll put you in again
You needn't wait to learn your job
That's for enlisted men
The only thing I envy is
The talent that you got
How can I get your ass shipped out
And get your open spoto
AIN'T IT A BLOODY SHAME 98
(Tune- Poor but Honest)
We were fat back in the Trumac^a
Drink beer, and sometimes wine
When they said, "You5re going over
To Korea's fighting lineo"
We were young and we were ejager
To get one hundred and go home
But they slipped the finger to us
And left us here - far o*er the foam
Now they sit in FEAF Headquarters
Mking rules so much unk±n$
It's the same the whole world over
Isn't it a bloodyrshame
Shed a tear when you think of us
Sitting here on old K~2
While you sleep with all our sweethearts
As we fly the old pf&lUo
50
EABLY ABORT 99
(Tune- • MacMamara' s Band)
Oh, my name is Colonel ________________, I'm the leader of the
group
Just step into my briefing room, I111 give you all the poop
I'll tell you where the Commie is, and where the flak is black
I'll be the last one off the deck, I'll be the first one back.
Chorus: Early abort, avoid the rush, early abort, avoid the rush
Early abort, avoid the rush
Oh my name is Colonel___________, Vm the leader of the group.
My name is Major __________________and I lead old liberty
And if I go on rail cuts, my boys will follow me
But if you say Pyong-Yang, I'll tell you what I'll do
Get into your plane and go ahead, and I111 wait here for you
I'm sure you've heard of mightmares, and the things they do
But if you'll come down to the line, you'll see they're far from
true
The pilots they are ready, but let the skipper shout
And all those bastards yell at once, "My mags they won't check
out!11
And they I'm sure you know of the leaders in the wing
Any night in the 0 Club you can hear how well they sing
With words they fight a hell of a war, they say they wanta go too
But just you give them half a chance, and here's what they will
do.
Oh I fly the old Invader, and Douglas says it's great
But when it comes to fighting MIG's, those bastards don't rate
I was born to be a fighter, to grapple in the blue
But when it comes to fighting MIG's, I'll tell you what I'll do
Now we'll all line up and take off, and set our course at ten
And when we reach the no return, we'll all turn back ,again
We'll call the tower and get a steer, we don't know where we've
been
Drop your tanks and canopies, peel off and belling in.
Oh we fly those bloody Sabres at a hundred bloody feet
We can fly them in the rain and fog, and in the bloody sleet
We think we're flying bloody south, instead we're bloody north
And we make our bloody landfall at the Firth and bloody Forth.
0 we fly those bloody Sabres at a hundred bloody feet
We can fly them in the rain and fog, and the bloody sleet
And when we're flying bloody high, we're flying bloody low
And we hit the marker beacon such an awful bloody blow.
Now when this war is over and we're back in the U. So A.
We'll fly the planes in all war games, and do what the Generals
say
But if we have another war and they give us the f,86
To hell with all the genel staffs, we won*t get in that fix.
51
THE FAIHCHILD ABORTION 100
(Tune- Strawberry Roan)
Out on the flight line one cold Sunday morn
Sat the Fairchild Abortion all battered and torn
The wings were sagging, the tires were flat
The form one had a red line, I'll bet you on that
We fired up both engines with mixtures full rich
And took to the runway with that son of a bitch
We puched on the power, she farted and stalUfed
And got off the runway, no airspeed it all.
We called to the tower, "Single Engine," we say
"What the hell," said the tower, "We got them all day"
"GO around," said the tower, "We canft let you land
We got Gooksj on the runway dragging off sand*
We milked up the flaps, and rolled in the trim
Over the tree tops that old wreck she did skim
We turned on final and free fellv the gear
The engineer murmered, "Please have no fear".
The pilot was scared, the Go-pilot too
The engineer had all he could do
The runway was coming and coming up fast
On third of the runway had already passed
We pulled off power and she settled in fast
That one-twenty-three had landed at alst.
BLACKBIRDS 101
(Tune- Bye Bye Blackbird)
Here we stand on the ground
We won't take off till the sun goes down
We fly blackbirds
Go in low and come out fast
Keep those fighters off our ass
We fly Blackbirds*
No one here can ever understand us
You should here the malarky they hand us
Mix those drinks and mix em right
Because we're standing down tonight
Blackbirds we flye
DIRTY LIL 102
Dirty Lil, Dirty Lil
Lives on top of garbage hill
Never took a bath
Never will
Ach! Ptui! Dirty Lilo
51
KATHUSELEM 103
In ancient days there lived a maid
Who used to ply a filthy trade
A prostitute of ill repute
The harlot of Jeruselem
Chorus: Hi Ho Kathuselem the harlot of Jeruselem
Hi Ho Kathuselem the daughter of the Rabbi
Kathuselem1 s snatch was bold and bare
Upon her gash there grew no hair
For hair won't grow on the thorofare
Like the snatch of old Kathuselem0
Kathuselems? cunt was round and red
For forty years it had not bled
It smelled as though it had been dead
Since the founding of Jeruselenu
No Kathuselem was a wiley witch
A god damn fucking son of a bitch
And every pecker that had the itch
Had dangled in Kathuselenu
Next door there lived a giant tall
Hiss prick of steel could smash a wall
His balls hung down like basketballs
The giant of old Jeruselem•
One night returning from a spree
A quite consistant jubilee
His balls hung well below his knees
He chanced to cros Kathuselem
And so he challanged her to fuck
And wiching her the best of luck
He led her to a shady nook
And there unfurled his mighty hook
He led her to a shady nook
And there unfurled his mighty hook
For forty yards it throbbed and shook
The walls of old Jeruselem
This giant of old was underslung
He missed her cunt and hit her bung
And with his giant pecker stung
The pride of all Jeruselem„
Kathuselem she knew her art
She cocked her ass and blew a fart
She blew him like a bloody dart
Through" the walls of old Jeruselem0
And there he lay a broken mass
His cock all bent with shit and gas
And Kathuselem got up and wiped her ass
All over the walls of Jerluselenu
53
SEOUL CITY SUE 104
(Tune - Sioux City Sue )
I drove a herd of oxen down
Till I reached old Bong Chong Way
And there I met a gook girl
Who said she'd like to play
Her clothes were of a dirty blue
Her hands and feet were too
I asked her what her name was
She said, "Seoul City Sue."
Chorus: Seoul City Sue, Seojol City Sue
Your hair is black, your eyes are too
I'd swap my honey cart for you
Seoul City Sue, Seoul City Sue
No one smells of Kimchie
Like mj sweet Seoul City Sue
Oh, Korea, 1 must admit
I owe a lot to you
I came here from America
To find Seoul City Sue
Someday I?ll take her back with me
And by her perfumes too
So people cantft be singing
"Here comes Seoul City Sue/1
LOOK AT THE EARS ON HIM 105
I heard they wanted men to fight as aviators hold
So I went down, Held up my hand, and this is what they told
"Yoi#H go to Kelly Field and learn to navigate the sky"
When I got there I was SOL for this is how I fly.
Chorus: Look at the ears on him, on him
Oh! How do you get that way?
That was the greeting I received as I marched in today
First they put me into the kitchen, KP was my name
I wrote my girl that I was a flier
Gee! but I'm a wonderful liar
Look at the ears on him, on him
Oh! How do you get that way?
That is the only battle cry I hear both night and day
If I'm to fight in this great war and end the Kaisers reign
They'd better take up me kettles and pans
&nd give me an aeroplane <,
I?ve peeled a million spuds since I've been in this flying game
I've swung a pick and shovel, till my weary back is lame
I've navigated lots of ground but not an inch of sky
And when I ask about aeroplanes, I hei^r the same old gry.
54
FIGHTER PILOTS 106
Oh there are no fighter pilots do-wn in hell
Oh there are no fighter pilots down in hell
Oh the place is full of queers, navigators, bombardiers
But there are no fighter pilots down in hell.
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the states
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the states
They are off on foreign sl^ -whores
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the states.
Oh there are no fighter pilots in Japan
Oh there are no fighter pilots in Japan
They are all across the bay, getting shot at every day
Oh there are no fighter pilots in Japan*
Oh there are no bomber pilots in the fray
Oh there are no bomber pilots in the fray
They are all in USO's wearing ribbons, fancy clothes
Oh there are no bomber pilots in the fray*
Oh the bomber pilot's life is just a farce
Oh the bomber pilot's life is just a farce
The automatic pilot 9s on, reading novels in the John
Oh the bomber pilotfs life is just a farce,
Oh the bomber pilot never takes a dare
Oh the bomber pilot never takes a dare
His gyros are uncaged, and his women overaged
Oh the bomber pilot never takes a dare,
Oh there are no fighter pilots up in wing
Oh there are no fighter pilots up in wing
The place is full of brass, sitting round on their fat ass
Oh there are no fighter pilots up in wingo
Oh it?s naughty naughty naughty but itfs nice
If you ever do it once you? 11 do it twice
Itfll wreck your reputation, but increase the population
Oh it*s naughty naughty naughty but it?s nice.
Oh look at the 388th in the club
Oh look at the 388th in the club
They don't party, they don?t sing, 386th does everything
Oh look at the 388th in the club.
When a bomber jockey walks into our club
When a bomber jockey walks into our club
He don't drink his share of suds, all he does is flub his dub
OH THERE IS NO FIGHTER PILOTS DOWN IN HELL.
55
TOAST TO THE BLUE ANGELS 107
(Tune- This Old House)
This ole team gonna need revision
This ole team gonna need a crew
This ole team has thrived on gimmicks
Have you seen our pink and blue
This ole team has frosty tailpipes
This ole team has lost its charm
And the captain said the other day
My boys, you've bought the farm*
Ain't gonna need this team no longer
Ain't gonna need this team no more
Ain't gbt time to learn the diamond
Ain't got time to learn the score
Ain't got nerve to do a bomb burst
Or a plane to do the roll
And were looking for the PIO
Who got us in the hole,
This ole team can't fly in weather
This ole team canlt fly in rain
This ole team is out of pints of blue
We're called old yellow stain
This ole team is getting lonesome
This ole team has gone astray
And we're just five angel puddy cats
Awaitin' judgement day,
Ain't gonna need this team no longer
Ain't gonna need this team no more
Ain't got time to be a tiger
Ain't got time to give a roar
Ain't got planes that hold together
Or that G~suit underwear
But we've got our pretty flying suits
So we don't really care„
TACHIKAWA, YOKOHAMA, ITAZUKE 108
(Tune- Hawaiian War Chiant)
Tachikawa, Yokohama, Itazuke
Tachikawa, Yokohama, Itazuke
Tachikawa---Yokohama---Itazuke is the place
Ah, So, (Tachikawa); ah, so (Yokohama)
Ah, So, (Itazuke); Ah, So, EEMPO
Frozen Chosen is the place for you my boy
Frozen Chosen is the place for you my boy
Frozen Chosen, Frozen Chosen, Frozen Chosen is the place.
Ah, So, (Frozen Chosen); Ah, So, (Frozen Chosen)
Ah1,. So, (Frozen Chosen); Ah, So, KIMPO.
56
A BOMBER FLIES 10,000 MILES 109
(Tune- Sing us Another One)
Our bomber flies ten thousand miles
Our bomber flies ten thousand miles
But a bomb is like a cherry
Is all it can carry
When our bomber ffi.es ten thousand miles
Chorus: Steady boys, steady boys
Here comes another lie0
Said pilot to bomber, how slick
Finding this target's no trick
But my God how strange
We're fresh out of range
Strap on my parachute quick
The Air Force sure has the life
Wine, women and song is the plan
There's medals by baskets
For flying ou& caskets
In the M-G-M starlet command
F-80ss are certainly keen
If to daring your tendencies lean
But we want it said
We'd not be caught dead
In such an infernal machine
With our bombers the world will be shocked
At three hundred miles they've been clocked
But while dreaming up tricks
With the B-36
We've all had our heads up and locked0
The X-l was cruising the blue
The pilot felt something quite new
Christ what a sensation
Where's public relations
The Legion of Merit will do
Our bomber goes ten thousand miles
We claim it but only with smiles
While crashing the barrier
We pooh, pooh, the carrier
That really goes ten thousand miles,
Oh we know what we're saying its true
We got it directly from Stu
We love the blue yonder
But sometimes we wonder
Just who's doing what and to wjio
So listen young men as we say
Be careful of wings and flight pay
There's no prohibitions
On suicide missions
So come join the Air Force today
57
ONCE THE! WERE HAPPY 110
(Tune- Man on the Flying Trapeze)
Once they were happy, completely at ease
They flew their F-80's like a sfdngin' trapeze
They looped em, t£ey rolled em, they bounced DC-3's
But alas boys, their wings h*ve been clipped*
One day they approached Itazuke
Jet leader called echelon right
Mustangs at nine o'clock level
Let's see if 8th fighter will fight
The F-80's broke left and the Mustangs broke right
I think they see us, says jet four in fright
They're all pullin streamers says jet number three
Let's go home, this is no place for me.
The J«fes headed home at a hundred percent
In fact number four had the throttle stop bent
Back to Misawa, to Misa*a they went
Never to bounce any more.
THE PRETTIEST SHIP 111
(1) (Leader) The prettiest ship
(All) The prettiest ship
(Leader) Out on the line
(All) Out on the line
(Leader) The MIG-15
(All) The MIG-15
(Leader) Flies fast and fine
(all) Flies fast and fine
(Leader) The prettiest ship
(All) The prettiest ship, out on the line
The MIG-15 flies fast and fine.
(2) When we go up and fly at noon
The MIG-15 rs leap off the moon
(3) Then they come down and pretty soon
A pissed-off tiger lowers the boom
(4) On all our planes we paint red stars
For MIG-15f a that* land on Mars
(5) We chase them up to forty-four
That fox eight six ain't got much more
(6) The throttle's set right ar full bore
We'll never catch that little whore
(7) Then they start home and Casey calls
We'er letting down no sweafr at all
(8) We're coming in with thirteen chicks
Twelve MIG's one fox eight six
(9) The moral of this story is clear
When you start home just check your rear
(10) Cause if you don't you're sure to find
A MIG-15 tucked in behing.
58
"Gft SUITS AND PARACHUTES 112
(Tuna- Bell Bottom Trousers)
Once there was a barmaid, down in brewery lane
Her master was so kind to her, her mistress was the same
Along came a pilot, handsome as could be
He was the cause of all her misery
Chorus: Singing "6" suits and parachutes
And uniforms of blue
He'll fly a fighter
Like his daddy used to do.
He asked her for a pillow to rest his weary head
She gave it to hrbn willingly and lost her maidenhead
And she like a silly girl, thinking it no harm
Climed in bed beside him just to keep the pilot warm,
Now in the morning before the break of day
A five pound note he handed her, and this to her did say
"Take this my darling, for all the harm Pve done
For you may have a daughter, and you may have a son
If you have a daughter, put ribbons in her hair
And if you have a son, get the bastard in the air."
Now the moral of moral of my story as you can plainly see
Is never trust a pilot an inch above the knee
The barmaid trusted on and he went off to fly
Leaving her a daughter to help the time go by.
Final Chorus: Singing "G" suits and parachutes
And unif orms of blue
She *11 never fly a fighter
Like her daddy used to do.
INTO THE AIR 113
Into the air, U.S. Air Force
Into the air, Pilots true
Into the air, U.S. Air Force
Keep your nose up in the blue
And when you hear the engines roaring
And the steel props start to shine
Then you can bet the U.S. Air Force
Is along the fighting line.
Into the air, junior birdmen
Into the air, upside down
Into the air, junior birdmen
Get your nose up off the ground
And when you hear the great commencement
Any you win your wings of tin
You will know the junior birument
Have sent their box tops in.
59
MT WILD EYED CADET 114
(Time- M&r Wile Irish Rose)
My wild eyed Cadet, he ain't learned nothing yet
He noses her down, when close to the ground
My wild eyed cadet*
He lips in his banks, if he lives we'll all give thanks
I hear drums beating low, and men marching slow
Behind wild eyed cadets*
EIGHT BUCKS A DAI 115
Open tip the throttle till the needle hist the peg
Eight bucks a day, Eight bucks a day
Dive and roll and loop her till she's wingless as a keg
Eight bucks a day is the pay
Closii the gate, lock the door
Cause we won't come back to Langley no more
We'll land at every flying field to San Francisco Bay
Eight bucks a day is the pay*
I WANT TO GO HOME 116
I want to go home! I want to go home!
The gas tank is leaking, the motor is dead
The pilot is trying to stand on his head
Take me back to the ground, I don't want to fly upside down
Oh, my! I'm too young to die
I want to go home0
HAIL IOU FIGHTER PILOTS 117
From Pohunkus, Tennessee
Came a bastard that was me
And my father shoveled snow from off the stree
Well when I was very young
He found a diamond in the dung
And he sent me here to sing this song to you
So hail, tcrh Hail, you fighter pilots
Fill your'' glasses full of brew
And we'll have another glass
To the latest horeses ass
In the squadrons of the^yellow and the blue*
THE FORMATION 118
Here's a health to the formation leader, a jolly good fellow is
he
He uses three star navigation, and flies on Bacardi
Here's a health to the leaders two wingmen, to the gunner within
his Turelle
Here's a health to the whole damn formation, we'll fly reviews in
hell.
60
I'VE GOT SIX-PENCE 119
I've got six-pence, jolly jolly sixpence
I!ve got six-pence, to last me all my life
I!ve got tuppence to spend, and tuppence to lend
And tuppence to send home to my wife, poor wife.
No cares have I to grieve me
No pretty girls to decieve me
Ifm happy as a lark believe me
As we go rolling rolling home.
Rolling home, Rolling home
By the light of the silvery moon
Happy is the day, when the Air Force gets its pay
As we go rolling rolling homee
PASDE CALAIS 120
Now you can send me twice a day
To the Pasde Calais
But don?t ever send me over the Ruhr
Send me to Paris or a target in France
Any old place that I might have a chance
You can send me twice a day
To the Pasde Calais
But don!t send me over the Ruhr
You may think I?m wacky
But I'm only slightly flaky
Don't send me over the Ruhr
Now the alert!s on the phone
The target's Cologne
My God, That's on the edge of the Ruhr,
Send me to Bremen or old potsdam town
Any place you can see through the flak to the ground
You can send me twice a day
To the Pasde Calais
But don't send me over the Ruhr
For even when I'm planning on aborting
Don't send me over the Ruhr
ODE TO THE B-29 121
(Tune- Whiffenpoof song )
We are four little fans who have lost our way, GROWR, GROWR,
GROWR
We are four little fans who have gone astray, GROWR, GROWR, GRCWR
One third pilot out on the left, one third pilot out on the right
"George" is flying with all of his might, Gfbwr, GROWR, GROWR!!
61
IF YOU FLY 122
If you fly an 89, you must be dumb, deaf, and blind
For your life ain!t worth a dime, what's your scheduled blow up
time
Chorus: Will you go boom today, will you go boom today
Two blew up yesterday, Allison ainft here to stay
If you fly an 86, you must really get your kicks
Bouncing the all weather boys, playing with their radar toys*
If you fly a 94* you will never hollar more
For your lot we do not pine, it's better than an 89.
If you fly a thunder-jet, you will really have no sweat
For your life you will not pound, the clunker won't get off the
ground.
TOO LONG AT ITAZUKE 123
Too long at Itazuke
Look just like a little gook
Eyes that slant, nose that's flat
Speak Japanese, "You caught a muskrat'1
Me work in rice-paddy
Go Geisha house and drink saki
Me jo-jo Number One Japanese boy-san.
SONG OF THE 18TH 124
(Tune- Wreck of Old 97)
It's a long, long road from Pusan to Pyong-yang
And the mountains are high and wide
If my engine quits, you can write off a mustang
Cause I'm fixing to go over the side<>
Col* McBride led his boys on a mission
And the chinks started throwing up flak
He said, "Run em up boys, and we'll clean out our engines
And the drinks are on the last one to get back.
Close support is a damn fine sortie
Cause you work so close to the troops
You get hit twelve times by a 20 or a 40
And your engine coughs, sputters, and poops0
So you hit the silk and you land in a meadowe
And the chinks start blazing away
And a 'copter comes along and picks up your elbow
Registration boys will find the rest some daye
It's a damn fine war and I love every mission
And I guess I'm here to stay
But I'd rather shag a broad by suggestive coition
Or catch the clap in Sante Fee
62
FLAK IN THE NIGHT 125
From Kunsan to Anju, from Pyongyang to langdok
Wherever the red trucks go
I've been on some rough routes, and had me some tough bouts
But there is one thing I know
The red balls will get you, they're worrisome things
That lead you to sing, the flak in the night,
Hear the 8th a-calling, hear the 13th bawling
Dentist, oh dentist, oh bromide, oh bromide
Oh snowflake, oh give me a steer oh five me a fix
I'm lost in the night0
THE IN7ADER 126
Oh the invader is a very fine airplane
Constructed of steal and tin
It will do over three hundred level
The plane with the tailwind built in
Oh, why did I join the Air Force
Mother, dear Mother knew best
For here I lie in the wreckage
Invader all over my chest*
THE FIGHTING 68TH 127
(Tune- MacNamaras Band)
We're here to tell a story of squadron 68
Came over from Ashia to join the fighting eighth
They're sitting here before us, tapping up the brew
They don't belong in a fighter group, but what can Chitty do.
Chorus: La da da da, What can he do
La da da da, What can he do
La da da da, What can he do
Oh they don't belong in a fighter group
But what can Chitty do.
They fly their old night fighters, they take off after dark
They don't know where they're going, they're just up for a lark
They never brief, they always beef, fly strictly on a hunch
Their call should be "Banana" cause they fly in such a bunch.
You know we also fly at night, thank God the times are few
We often hear night fighters saying, Moonshine, is that you?
Won't you tell those nasty shooting stars to land they're in our
way!
63
RAIL CUTTERS 128
(Tune- Cold Cold Heart)
I tried so hard, Wild Bill, to cut
That streak of railroad track
But Ifm afraid that all I did
Was dodge that flying flak
I know that one is all it takes
To blow aajfass apart
Why can't I get just one rail cut
And melt our cold cold hbart.
MT, DARLING 39 129
(Tune- My Darling Clementine)
In the cockpit of the Cobra
Trying hard to reach the line
But alas my engine faltered
Fare thee well my 39
Chorus: Oh my darling, Oh my darling
Oh my darling 39
You are lost and gone forever
Fare thee well my 39
When you're spinning very flatly
And you've got a worried mind
That's all brother, hit the jumpsack
Bid farewell to your 39•
All the brass hats in our congress
They have signed the dotted line
They are lucky they just bought it
They don't fly the 39.
MOVIN ON 130
When you hear the patter of tiny feet, it's the 49th in full
retreat
They're movin on, they'll soon be gone
They've pushed around just long enough, thery're movin on
Hear the pitter-patter of the little feet, it's the first marines
in full
retreat
They're movin on, They're movin on
They're burning gas they're kthey're hauling ass, they're movin
on.
Hey GI you pissed off at me, What's the matter you got no VD
I 'm movin on, I'll soon be gone
Honey bucket turned over in the middle of the road, I'm movin on.
Mama-san movin down the track, with a GI baby strapped on her
back
She's movin on, She'll soon be gone
If she catche|[ GI papa-san, he'll be movin onG
64
MOVIN ON (Cont)
Oh here come the Commies runnin down the pass
Playin the burp gun on a gyrene's ass
He's movin on, hefs movin on
You've been flying too high for this little ole guy
So I'm movin onc
TKS^SSa^^n dog was feoOia JEllMfe till fts $mpe& in a barrel of
turpentine
He's movin on, he?s movin on
He crashed the gat like a P-38* but he's movin on*
The old torn cat was feelin mean, till he caught his tail in a
sewin machine
He1s movin on, he's movin on
He missed a stitch when he hit the ditch, but he's movin on.
MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN 131
My father makes rum in the bathtub
My mother makes two kinds of gin
My sister makes love for a living
My God how the money rolls in«
Chorus t Rolls in, rolls in, my God how the money rolls in, rolls
in
Rolls in, rolls in, my God how the money rolls in,
My brother's a poor missionary
He saves little girlies from sin
He'll save you a blonde for five dollars
My God how the meny rolls inc
My uncle paints real frenchy postcards
Ify auntie she poses for him
Her costume cost nary a penny
My God how the money rolls in«
I tried making all kinds of whiskey
I tried making all kinds of gin
I tried making love for a living
My God the condition I*m ine
Chorus: Sin, sin, sin, sin, my God the condition I'm in, I'm in
Sin, sin, sin, sin, My God the money is rolling in,
My father died in the bathtub
My mother she died of her gin
Ify sister she married my brother
MY GOD WHAT A MESS I AM INe
I'd an uncle who was a night watchman
Who spent all his nights in the pit,
He used to come home all over in shito
My Auntie manufactures French letters
My cousin pricks holes with a pin
My uncle performs the abortions
My God how the money rolls in0
65
RING DANG DOO 132
When I was Jroung and sweet sixteen
I met a girl from New Orleans
Oh she was young and pretty too
She had what you call a ring-dang-doo.
A ring-dang-doo, pray what is that
It's round and soft like a puspy cat
It's round and soft and split in two
That's what you call a ring-dang-doo
She took me down into the cellar
She said I was a very fine feller
She gave me wine and whiskey too
And she let me play with her ring-dang^oo
She took me up into her bed
She placed her tits beneath ib^ head
And then she took my hickey-floo
And placed it in her ring-dang-doo
Now six months later she began to swell
She swelled and swelled till she looked like hell
She told her ma and her father too
That I took a crack at her ring-dang-doo
Her father said you filthy whore
You've gone and lost your maidens lore
Pack up your bag and your nighty too
And make your living from your ring-dang-doo
She went to the city to become a whore
She hung a sign upon her door
Five dollars now nothing else will do
To take a crack at my ring=dang-do.
And the fellers came and the fellers went
And the price went down to fifteen cents
Fifteen cents and nothing else will do
To take a crack at ray ring-dang-doo 0
And then one day a son of a bitch
He had the crabs and the jockey itch
He had the syph and diarrhea too
And he took a crack at her ring-dang-doo
They hung her tits in the city hall
They pickled her ass in alcohol
Now all you bums and hobo's too
You've heard my tale of the ring-dang-doo
So they buried her near the city hall
And they engraved upon the wall
She's learned her lesson and you should too
Just stay away from the ring-dang-doo.
66
OLD GREY BUSTLE 133
(Tune- Old Grey Bonnet)
Put on your old grey bustle and get out and hustle
For tomorrow the rent's coming due
Put your ass in clover let the boys look it over
If you can't get five take two.
Put on those old pink panties that used to be ypur aunties
And we111 go for a tussel in the hay
Now ther's no use duckin' cause you're goona get a fuckin'
In the good old fashioned way.
Put on your old grey corset if it wonft fit force it
For the fleet is coming in today
As the bees make honey let your ass make money
In the good old fashioned way.
Put on that old blue ointment the crabs dissapointment
And we'll kill those bastards where they lay
Though it scratches and it itches it will kill those sons of
bitches
In the good old fashioned way.
MACH RIDERS IN THE SKT 134
(Tune- Ghost Riders In The Sky)
An 86 got airborne on a dark and windy day
And as he raised his landing gear, you could hear the pilot pray
Keep all those buckets in the wheel and I'll be safe and sound
Don't let that fire go out, Dear Lord, till I am on the ground.
Chorus: lippi-i-o, yippi-i-a-a-a
Mach riders in the sky
Those flyin friends are here to stay, it's said they're very mean
And all know we've been famous since 1917
Though we may work on holidays, and weekends just the same
Those pukin' pups make history, Oh bless that famous name.
As our 86's leave the ground, their tails are spouting flame
The pilots they all go through hell, but fly em just the same
The crew chiefs work their asses, off to keep em flyin high
And watch with satisfaction as their plane goes screaming by.
Day and night our pilots fight to live up to their .name
Other pilots come and go, but ours fly on to fame
They're going to fly forever in that range up there on high
They cuss and cry, "Live or die," MACH RIDERS IN THE SKY.
THE THING 135
I've flown around for many a year, from Berlin to Taegu
But never a thing I saw like the thing, cruising along the Yalu
I was tooling up and down one day, with nary a thought on my mind
When suddenly was this ???» right up my behind
When suddenly was this ???, right up my behind.
I dropped ray tanks and broke to the:;*right, called help to my
wingman
He took one look at the ???9 and he turned around and ran
And then I called on another guy, Known as Maple red
But when he saw the ???, he ducked his nose and fled
But when he safr the ???, he ducked his nose and fled*
And then there was this other bird, who yelled get altitude
There may be more of those ???» and I?ve lost my fortitude
Then finally came this swept-wing thing, on of the famous forth
He said I'll get that ???, his fifties spattered forth
He said I'll get that ???, his fifties spattered forth,
And then I looked around again, and much to my surprise
I saw him clobber the ???, right before my eyes
The KEG blew up went down in flames, his comrades followed suit
Because of the guy in the ???» who knew just Vhen to shoot
Because of the guy in the ???, who knew just when to shoot„
Now all you jockeys of eighty-fours, here's my advice to you
Never go cruising up and down, north of Sinanju
Unless you've got the Famous Fourth, hovering over you
Cause they'll take care of the ???, they know just what to do
Cause they'll take care of the ???, they know just what to do,
THOSE WEDDING BELLS ARE BREAKING UP 136
Not a soul down on the corner
It's a pretty certain sign
Those wedding bells are breaking up
That old gang of mine*
All the boys are singing love songs
They've forgot Sweet Adeline
Those wedding bells are breaking up
That old gang of minee
There goes Jack, there goes Jill
Down through lovers lane
Now and then, we meet again
But they don't seem the same
Gee I get that lonesome feeling
When I hear those church beUs chime
Those wedding bells are breaking up
That old gang of mine*
68
DOODLE-LEE-DOO 137
Please sing to met that sweet melody
Called Doodle-lee-doo, doodle-lee-doo
Is doodle-lee-doo, doodle-lee-doo
Simplest thing, there isn't much to it
All you got to do is doodle-lee-doo it
I love it so, wherever I go
I doodle-lee-doc>Jle-lee-do,
TwoiCLittle lovers, under the covers
What111 they do, doodle-lee-doo
I would suggest that they should undress
And doodle-lee-doo, doodle-lee-doo
Cherries are red, ready for plucking
I?m sixteen and I'm ready for highschool
I love it so, whereever I go
I doodle-lee-dooodle-lee-doOo
Please do to me what you did to Marie
Last Saturday night, Saturday night
It must have been real, cause I heard Marie squeal
Last Saturday night, Saturday night
Don't know what, what you were doin
Somebody said you were doodle-lee-dooin
I love it so, wherever I go
I doodle-lee-doodle-lee-doo,
Miss Emma Snow went out on a show
Called doodle-lee-doo, doodle-lee-doo
She made a hit just playing her bit
In doodle-lee-doo, doodle-lee-doo
Twenty four hours,, that's all there was to it
How in this world did she doodle-lee-doo it
Got a Rolls Royce, but not by her voice
But doodle-lee- doodle-lee-doo„
BALL OF YARN 138
Twas a sunny day in ^June all the flowers were in bloom
The birds were singing gaily on the farm
When I spied a maiden fair and I said unto her there
Let me wind up your little ball of yarn.
She said sir can't you see you1 re a stranger to me
But follow me out behind the barn
There's a shady little nook beside the babbling brook
Where you can wind up my little ball of yarn;
Now young man take my advice never stay out late at night
And you'll never lose your cherry or your charm
Be like the bluebird and the robin keep your little P from
bobbin1
And you'll never wind up that little ball of yarn,
SING US ANOTHER ONE DO 139
There was a young man from Boston
Who traded his car for an Austin
There was room fpr his ass and a gallon of gas
But his balls hung our and he lost emc
Chorus: That was a very fine song
Sing us another one
Just like the other one
Sing us another one, do
There was a young man from Dundee
Who buggered an ape in a tree
The result was most horrid, all ass and no forehead
Three balls and a purple goatee ♦
There was a young man from Kildair
Who buggered his girl on the stairs
The bannister broke, he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid air0
There was a queer from Khartjuom
Who took a young lesbian to his room
They argued all night, as to who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom*
There was a professor from the Mall
Who possessed a cylindrical ball
The cube root of its weight, plus his penis, plus eight
Was one half of two thirds of fuck all,
There was a young girl from St Paul
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball
Her dress caught on fire, and burned her entire
Front page, sports section and alio
There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back, and tickled her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling,,
There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt I cmxld fuck itc
There once was a young man from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble, he put it in double
And instead of coming, he went.
There once was a man of ela^s
Whose balls were made of brass
When they swung together, they played stormy weather
And lightening shojt out of his ass*
70
SING US ANOTHER ONE DO (Cont)
There was a young man from Sparta
Who was the worlds champion farter
On the strength of one bean, he played God save the Queen
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata♦
There once was a man from Rangoon
Who was born by the light of the moon
He had not the luck, to be born by a fuck
But was a wet dream scooped up in a spoon
There once was a boy from Baclaridge
And he was his parents disparage
He sucked off his brother, and went down on his mother
And ate up his sisters miscarrige.
There once was a pilot from K-2
Who buggered a girl down in Taegu
He said to the Doc, as she handed him his cock
Will I lose both my testicles too0
There once was a man from Trieste
Who loved his wife with a zest
Despite all her howls, £e sucked out her bowls
And deposited the mess on her breast0
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
With is hand on the butt of his madam
He chuckled with mirth, for he knew on this earth
There were only two balls and he had em.
There was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
He said I1111 admit, I?m a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save*
There once was a girl named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a fallice
They found her vagina, in south Carolina
And a piece of her hymen in Dallas,
There once was a girl from France
Who boarded a train by chance
The engineer fucked her, and so!d the conductor
And the brakeman went off in his pants *
There once was a man.from Boiabay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
The heat of his prick, turned the clay into brick
And rubbed all his foreskin away.
There once was a girl named Gail
Between her tits was a price of her tail
And on her behind, for the sake of the blind
Was the same information in brailea
71
SING US ANOTHER ONE DO (Con't)
There once was a girl from the Azores
Whose cunt was all covered with sores
The dogs in the street, whould not eat the green meat
That hung in fetoons from her drawers.
There was a young girl from Peru
Who said as the Bishop withdrew
The Vicar is quicker, he's also a licker
And considerably thicker than you.
There was a young priest from Dundee
Who went in the garden to pee
He said Pax Wo Biscumi* I canft make the piss come out
I guess Ifve got CLAP,
There was a young girl named Myrtle
Who was raped on the beach by a turtle
The results of the fuck, was two eaggs and a duck
Which proved that the turtle was fertile ♦
There was a young man from Nottingham
Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham
Just watching the stunts, of the cunts and the punts
And the tricks of the pricks ^bhat were fuckingham.
An Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Said fucking is one thing I do know
All women are fine, and sheep are devine
But llamas are numero uno«
There was a young man from New Brighton
Who said my dear you've a tight one
Soad she pon my soul, you have the wrong hole
It's the one up in front that's the right fcne0
There was a man from St James
Who played most unusual games
He lit a match, to his grandmothers snatch
And laughed as she pissed through the flames <>
There once was a man named McGruder
Who wooed a n*jde in Bermuda
Now the nude thought it crude, to be wooed in the nude
But McGruder was cruder, he screwed her*
There was a young man from Kieth
Who skined back pricks with his teeth
It wasn't for pleasure, he adopted this measure
But for the cheese he found underneath*
There was a young lass named Alice
Who peed in the Archbishops chalice
It was not from relief, as was the belief
But purely from prodestant malice „
72
SING US ANOTHER ONE DO (Cont)
There was a young bishop from Birmingham
Who didled the nuns while confirmin1 fem
He brought them indoors, slipped down their drawers
And slipped his Episcopal worm in 'em.
There was a young man from Brock
Who tied a violin string to his cock
With just one erection, he could play a selection
From Johann Sebastian Bacho
There was a young lady from Ransom
Who had it three times in a hansom
When she cried for more, a voice from the floor
Cried my name is Simpson, not Sampson *
There once was a girl from Cape Cod
Who thought all babies came from Gad
But it wasn't the Almight who lifeted her nighty
It was Roger the lodger the sod*
There once was a lady named Lil
Who swallowed an atomic pill
They found her vagina in North Carolina
And one of her tits in Brazil*
There once was a pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass, which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates
There once was a monk from Mongolia
Whose life was lonlier and lonlier
One night just for fun, he took out a nun
And now she's a Mother Superior,
PISS ON THE_______ 140
Let's all go down and piss on the _______
Piss on the ______, piss on the__________
Let's all go down and piss on the _______
Till they float away
Till they float away
Till they float away
Let's all go down and piss on the _______
Piss on the ______, Piss on the_________
Let's all go down and piss on the _______
Till they float away.
73
WEST VIRGINIA HILLS 141
In the hills of West Virginia, lives a girl named Nancy Brown
Ainft never seen such a beauty, in city or in town
Now Nancy and the Deacon climbed the mountain come high noon
And when they reached the summit, it was very very soon.
Oh she came roHin down the mountain, rollin down the mountain
Rollin down the mountain by the dam
And in spite of his urgin, she remained the local virgin
And is just as pure as West Virginia ham*
Now along cam a trapper, Henderson by name
He took little Nancy, and the story's Just the same,,
She came rollin down the mountain, rollin down the mountain
Rollin down the mountain by the diack
And in spite all of his urgin, she remained the local virgin
And is just as pure as Pappy ?s applejack*
But along cam a slicker, with his hundred dollar bills
He took our little nancy, a way up in the hills*
And they she stayed up in the mountains, stayed up in the
lacSffiftains
Stayed up in the mountains all that night
She came home next morning early, more a woman than a girlie
And her pappy kicked the hussy out of sight*
Now she's livin in the city, livin in the city
Oh sheJp' livin in the city mighty swell
She's 5tone away with pots and kettles, and she's eat in fancy
vittles
And those West Virginia hills can go to hell*
But along came depression, took slicker by the pants
H had to sell pXs Packard, had to give up little Nanc'
So now she's back in West Virginia, Back in West Virginia
Back in West Virginia as qf yore
And the Deacon and the trapper, get that thing that they were
after
And she's known as that West Virginia LADY*
LILLI FROM PICCADILLY 142
Oh, I took a trip to london to look around the town
When I got to Piccadilly, the sun was going down
I've never seen such darkness, the night was black as pitch
When suddenly, in froat of me, I thought I saw a witch*
Chorus: Oh, it was lilly, from Piccadilly^
You know the one I mean, the one I mean
I'll spend each payday, that's my hey hey day
With Lilly, rs^ blackout queen*
75
LILLI FROM PICCADILLY (Conft)
Oh, I couldn't see her figure, I couldn't see her face
But if I ever meet her, I!U know her anyplace
I couldn't tell if she were blonde or a dark brunette
But gosh oh gee, did she give me, a thrill I won't forget.
She said to me, Oh Yankee boy are you lonesome are you blue
Just step around the corner, I'll show you what I'll do
We went up some dark alley, I said, I love you kid
She said, Okay, but first you pay, so I gave her twenty quid.
She leaned her back against the wall, I took her in my arms
She gave to me her very all, and all her buxum charms
I lost my head, I lost my heart, I ven lost my hat
It was a shame, she should have been, a circus acrobat.
We. went to her apartment, and when we were in bed
She was so very pleasant, I said someday we'd wed
She even gave me breakfast, she was so very nice
Why what she did for twenty quid was cheap at half the price*
FALSIES IN BRASSEIRES 143
There ?s nothing can be better than a girl that wears a sweater
Though she may not be as big as she appears
They've got an awful lot of falsies in brasseires
Her pullmonary muscles my resemble Janie Russels
And she'll say she got that way from drinking beers
They've got an awful lot of falsies in brasseires0
So round----so firm *----and so fully packed
You'll find it's really just an act
Give a girl a Bally bra and she will grow-—grow---grow*
Now I?ve made a careful study with the help of my best buddy
And a hundred thousand women volunteers
They've got an awful lot of falsies in brasseires <>
So fellows 'fore you wed her, Please investigate her sweater
Or you'll find your honeymoon will end in tears
They've got an awful lot of falsies in brasseires*
FRIGGING IN THE RIGGING U4
Twas on the good ship Venus, my God you should have seen us
The figure head was a whore in bed, And the mast a rampant penis
Chorus: Frigging in the rigging, Frigging ih the rigging
Frigging in the rigging, there's fuck all else to do.
The captain of this lugger, he was a dirty bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel shit, from one place to another*
76
FRIGGING IN THE RIGGING (Conft)
The first matefs name -was Morgan, my God "was he a gorgon
^Pen times a day he used to play, upon his sexual organ.
The second mates name was Andy, he was so young and randy
They boiled his bun in steaming rum, for coming in the brandy.
The Midihipmans name was Nipper, he was a dirty ripper
He filled his ass with broken glass, and circumsized the skipper.
The captains wife was Mable, when ever she was able
She'd fornicate with the second mate, upon the gaily table.
The captain had a daughter, who fell into the water
Delighted squeals revealed the eels, had found her wexual
quarter.
The crew they were hard cases, you could see it in their faces
They took to frigging in the rigging, for want of better places.
So drunk with exultation, we reached our China station
And sunk a junk in a sea of spunk, caused by mutual masterbation.
The Quartermaster was Pember
He had a crashing member
On nights of frost, himself he tossed
Before a glowing amber.
The Bosun fs name was Walker, he really was a corker,
The filthy sod had been in quod
For dalliance with a porker.
Once in a drunken frolick, the bosun lost a bollock
With foul intent, on Mable bent, he impaled it on a rowlock.
The ship*a dog name was Rover, by gad he was in clover
We gound and ground that faithful hound
From Tenereefe to Dover.
The (cabin boy was pretty, it really is a pity
The things they did to that poor kid
Whould quite upset his ditty.
They sailed to far Algeria, to none were they inferior
The prostitutes along the routes
Grew wearier and wearier*
They made for the Bahamas, The harems and zenanas
They did eschew that poxy crew
And much preferred bananas.
They sailed to Buenos Aires, And laid with all the fairies
They got the Syph at Tenereefe
And clap in the Canaries.
77
FRIGGING IN THE RIGGING (Con't)
Then, tired of this pollution, they sought for absolution
They upped the priest, the dirty beast
And broke their resolution.
At first the priest resisted, but then the crew insisted
And some burned rum, beneath his bum
And soon his bollocks twisted.
Pray benidiction for us, pour absolution Ofer us
You shaggy shite, you shall recite
The Halleluja Chorus.
LYDIA PINKAM 145
Chorus: Oh, we sing, we sing, we sing, of Lydia Pinkham, Pinkhaa,
Pinkham
And her love for the human race
A wonderful compound, a dollar a bottle
And every lab.el bears her face.
Now Mrs. Mrphy, had husband trouble, she did not like to
fiddle-de-dee
But after taking a bottle of compound, they had to tie her to a
tree.
Now Mrs. Murphy, had baby touble, she could not have a baby dear
But after taking a bottle of compound, they had to milk her like
a cow
Now Mrs. Murphy, had kidney trouble, in the morning, she cculd
not pee
But after taking a bottle of compound, they had to {}ipe her out
to sea.
OLD GREEN RIVER 146
I was floating down that old Green River
On the good ship rock and rye
But I floated too far
Got stuck ona bar*
Out there alone, wishing that I were home
The ship went down with the captain and crew
It left me only one thing to do
I had a drink that old green river dry
To get back home to youe
THE WOODPECKER 147
(Tune^ Dixie)
Oh, I stuck rs^ finger in a woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said god bless your soul
Take it out, take it out, take it out, remove it.
So I removed my finger frpm the woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said God Bless my soul
Put it back, put it back, put it back, replace it*
78
THE WOODPECKER (Con't)
I replaced my finger in the woodpeckers hole
The woodpecker said God Bless my soul
Turn it around, turn it around, turn it around, revolve it.
I revolved my finger in the woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said God bless my soul
In-and-out, in-and-out, in-and-out, recriprocate it.
I recriprocated my finger in the woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said God bless my soul
Pull it out, pullit out, pull it out, retract it.
I retracted my finger from the woodpeckers hole
And the woodpecker said God bless my soul
Take a smell, take a smell, take a smell, revolting.
VIOLATE ME 148
Violate me in the violet time
In the vilest way that you know
To the best things in life
I am utterly oblivious
Give me a life that is lewd and lascivious
Violate me in the violet time
In the vilest way that you know
Ravage me, savage me
Utterly damage me
On me no nercy bestow
Violate me in the violet time
In the vilest way that you know.
ROLL XOUR LEG OVER 149
Oh, if all little girls were like fish in the ocean
And I were a whale I would teach them emotion.
Chorus i Oh roll,4 your leg over, Oh roll your leg over
Oh roll your leg over the man in the moon.
Oh, if all little girls were like bells in the tower
And I were a clapper Pd bang by the hour
Oh, if all little girls were like fish in the river
And I were a sandbar I'd sure make them quiver
Oh, if all little girls were like sheep in the pasture
And I were a ram I5d make them run faster
Oh, if all little girls were like little white rabbits
And I were a hare I would teach them bad habits
Oh, if all little girls were like little red vixens
And I were & fox I surely would fix ?em
79
ROLL TOUR LEG OVER (Con't)
Oh, if all little girls were like Hedy Lamarr
I'd try twice as hard to get twice as far
Oh, if all little girls were like cows in the clover
And I were a bull I would chase them all over
Oh, if all little girls were like little white flowers
And I was a bee I would buss them for hours
Oh, if all little girls were like little white chickens
And I was a rooster I'd give them the dickens
Oh, if all little girls were like little ole turtles
And I was a turtle I?d get in their girdles
Oh, if all little girls were like Gypsy Rose Lee
And I were her G-string oh boy what I'd see
Oh, if all little girls were like nurses who would
And I were a doctor I would if I could
Oh, if all little girls were like bricks in a pile
And I were a mason I'd lay them in style
Oh, I wich that all girls were like fish in a pool
And I were a chap with a waterprooT tool
If all little girls were like bats in the steeple
And I were a bat, There'd be more bats than people
Oh if all little girls were like diamonds and rubbies
And I were a jewler I'd polish their boobies.
THE PRETTIEST GIRL I EVER SAW 150
The prettiest girl I ever saw
Was sipping bourbon through a straw
The prettiest girl I ever saw
Was sipping bourbon through a straw
And now and then the straw would slip
And I?d sip bourbon through her lips
And now I've got a mother in law
From sipping bourbon through a straw
The moral of this story's clear
Don't sip bourbon, sip beera
80
THE B-36 151
The B-36 flies at 40,000 feet, the B-36 flies at 40,000 feet
The B-36 flies at 40,000 feet,
But it only carries one little teensie weensie bomb
Tons and tons of ammunition, tons and tons of ammunition
Tons and tons of ammunition,
But it only carries one little teensie weensie bomb.
OH IT'S BEER BEER BEER 152
Oh itfs beer, beer, beer,
That makes you want to cheer
In the Corps, in the Corp&
Oh it?s beer, beer, beer,
That makes you want to cheer
In the U.S. Air, U..S. Air Force.
Chorus: My eyes are dim, I cannot see
I have not brought my specs with me.
Whiskey - That makes you feel so friskey
Gin - That makes you want to spin
Vodka - That raakew you feel you ought a
Sautern - That makes your belly burn
Vermouth - That makes you feel uncouth
Bourbon - That makes you feel like chirpin1
Wine - That makes you feel so fine
Iton - That makes you feel so dumb
Rye - That makes you f e@i- so shy
Brandy - That makes you feel so dandy
Likker - That makes you erer^&icker
Sherry - That makes you feel so hairy.
KIMP0 SONATA 153
Oh I was sent to Nellis, I was sent to train
I learned how to bomb and strafe, from an aeroplane
Oh I was sent to Kimpo, to be a killer too
But all I git is a bunch of shit from you and youHand^^oti
I knew a fighter pilot, no smile upon his face
And many's the time I heard him say
I HATE THIS FUCKING ELACE.
OH THE 523 IS A VERY FINE SQUADRON 154
Oh the 523 is a very fine squadron
Their pilots are all true blue
But they bring back drawers that smell like dogshit
From the dog-fights at old Sinanju
81
ODE TO THE JOC DUTY OFFICER 155
You ought to be dead you old bastard
You ought to be damned well shot
You ought to be tied to the door of a shit house
And left there to damned well rot*
I've sat in this damn cockpit for hours and hours
I've stuck it as long as I could
I've stuck it and stuck it, so now I say fuck it
My ass hole's not made out of woode
FORESKIN FUGITIVES 156
Eyes right, assholes tight, foreskins to the front
We're the boys who make no noise, we're always chasing cunt
We are the fliers of the night, we'd rather fuck than fight
We are the foreskin fugitives.
ICE ON THE RICE 157
When the ice is on the rice in old Tsuiki
And the saki in the cellar starts to freeze
When you turn to her and say, ,JMy darling dozo"
Then you're turning just a skoshi Nipponese
THE BALLS OF 0'LEAHY 158
(Tune- The Bells of St Mary)
The balls of O'Leary
Are wrinkled and weary
Are battered and tattered
Like the dome of St Paul
The people all muster to see that great cluster
Of the wonderful pair of O'Leary's balls,
THE BASTARD KING OF ENGLAND 159
Oh minstrels sing of a mighty king
Who many long years ago
Ruled his land with an iron hand
But his mind was weak and low*
His only under clothing was
A filthing undershirt
It was long enough to hide his hide
But never to hide the dirt*
He loved to hunt the royal stag
Within the royal wood
But the sprot he loved the best of all
Was puilin his royal pud*
82
THE BASTARD KING OF ENGLAND (Conft)
Wild and wooly and full of fleas
His terrible tool hung down to his knees
God save the bastard king of England.
Now the queen of Spain was a sprightly dame
And an amorous dame was she
And she loved to fool with the royal tool
From far across the sea
So she sent a special message
By a special messenger
And asked the royal bastardship
To spend the night with her.
When Phillip of France heard this
He summoned his royal court
Said she prefers rs^ rival
Just because my tool is short
So he sent the Duke of Slip and Slap
to give the queen a dose of clap
And thus avenged the bastard king of England
When news of this foul deed
Did reach fair England8s halls
The king he swore by the shirt he wore
He?s have old Phillip!s balls
So he offered a night with the seet Hortense
To the man w}*o*d nut the king of France
And thus avenge the bastard king of England*
Up spoke the duke of Suffolk
He took himself to France
Declared himself a flutter
The king took down his pants.
He dropped a thong around his dong
Jumped on his horse and galloped along
And thus avenged the bastard king of England
Now Phillip assumed a royal stance
And groveled on the floor
For during the ride his royal pride
Had stretched a yard ©r moreD
And all the girls in England
Came down to London town
And shouted around the castle
The hell with Englands ero^u
So Phillip assumed the throne
His sceptes was the royal bone
With which he downed the bastard king of England.
83
ASS HOLES ARE CHEAP TODAY 160
Ass holes are cheap today
Cheaper than yesterday
Little boys cost half a crown
Standing up or lying down
Larger boys cost seven and six
Cause they take bigger pricks
Ass holes are cheap
Are cheap today.
THREE WHORES FROM CANADA JUNCTION 161
Three whores walked down from Canada Junction
Full,4 of brandy and wine
The topic of conversation was
Tour cunts no bigger than mine.
Chorus: Roly poly tickly ray holey
Slippery sliiaey slue
Rattle your nuts across my guts
Ifm one of the whorey crew.
The first old whore got up and said
My cuntfs as big as the air
The birds flyin and the birds fly out
And never touch a hair.
The second old whore got up and said
My cuntfs as big as the moon
A man went in in January
And didn't come out till ^une
The third old whore got up and said
Man you're all talking balls
Cause when I have my periods
Itfs like Niagra Falls.
SALOME 162
Down t>ur street, we had a merry party
Everybody there was oh so gay and hearty
Talk about a treat, we ate all the raipat
And we drank all the beer.
In the bopzer down the street.
There was old Uncle Joe, fair fucked up
We locked him in the cellar with the old bull pup
Little sonney Jim, tried to get in in.
With his ass hole winking at the moon.
Oh Salome, salome
You should see Salome,
Standing there, with her ass all bare
Waiting for someone to slide it in there
84
SALOME (Con't)
To slide it, and glide it
Right up her fucking chute
Two brass balls and a prick of steal
And a foreskin, full of shit0
She's a big fat cow, twice the size of me
Hairs on her belly like the branches on trees
She can jump fight fuck
Wheel a borrow push a truck
That?s my girl Solone
On Monday night, she takes it up the back
On Tuesday night, she takes in all the slack
On Wednesday night, she has a spell
On Thursday night, she fucks like hell
On Friday night, she takes it up her nose
In between her fingers and down between her toes
On Saturday night, she dishes out gams
And she goes to church on Sunday
She just wants me for a sunbeam
And a fucking fine sunbeam Pll beQ
GOING HOME 163
(Tune- Out on the Texas Plains)
I'm gonna head ray ship into the wide blue sea
With n^r nose into the west
IBm gonna find a gal that was made for me
I'm gonna give her all ray best*
I ^ra g®mi& head my ship toward that old west coast
Round Long Beach and L<,Ae
And when we all get home we will drink a toast
To those long forgotten days
I?m gonna fly all day, I8m gonna fly all night
Toward thit setting sun
And when that good old coast line looms into sight
My work has just begun
I*ra gonna find a gal that just don8t give a darn
I*m gonna love her night and day
And if she says no no I?ra gonna twist her arm
Cause I*m gonna get ray way,
Igm gosna drink myself into a total wreck
I?m gonna love until I die
I got a pilots mind and a flyer *s rep
I couldn^t p'n good if I tried „
85
GOING HOME (Con't)
So wonft you just relax
For there is one more verse of the things I'm gonna do
I know that times are bad, but they could be worse
So here's my parting word to you.
IfU ne'er forget this war until the day I die
Cause it's changed ay life's flight plan
And when my days are o'er and my time draws high
I'm gonna die drunk if I can.
RIO RIO RIO 164
Chorus: R£o, Rio, Rio, Rio, Jesus Christ how I feel
Fresh from a shore house, prick full of steel
That's my organ grinder.
Laid her in her fathers hall
Spread her ass from hall to hall
Shoved it up into her gall
With my old organ grinder.
Fucked her in her fathers bed
Shoved it up into her head
Fucked that girl till she was dead
With ma old organ grinder
Followed her to the gurial ground
Just to go another round
Fucked her as they lowered her down
With my old organ grinder
Some folks say I am a knave
Say that I do not Behave
Cause I jacked off on er grave
With my old organ grinder.
OH MY GOD 165
Oh My God, we've all done wrong
We've all been drunk for so GOD DAMN long
And we don't give a Jesus if it rains, hails or freezes
Let the old man say what he GOD DAMN pleases
We're just a bunch of shitsters, a bunch of booze histers
FIGHTER PILOTS ALL
IN FLIGHT REFUELING 166
(Tune- Strawberry Roan)
Oh come fighter pilots, both young and old
And I'll tell you a story, that '11 make you turn cold
A story of tankers, and a flight out to sea
And I hate to tell you what they did to me.
86
IN FLIGHT REFUELING (Don't)
Oh we took off from George, oh so early one morn
The weather was balmy, but not really warm
We soon left the coast line, and headed to sea
And for? the last time land I did see*
Oh we flew on for hours, it seemed like more
We flew and we flew, till my butt it got sore
And we finally got to that point far from land
Where there were supposed to be tankers at hand
But yes, you have gussed it, no one was there
Nothing around, but ocean and air
We called and we called, but it was in vain
There was nobody out there to refuel ray plane
Oh we circled and circled, and hollered for gas
The pain was begining, to lea^e my ass
'Twas begining to pucker, and turn a dull hue
When finally a tanker came into veiw0
Well bygones were bygones, and we didn't bitch
We just latched onto, that son of a bitch
What ho, called the scanner, "It's uner your wing
If you don't hook up, you likely will ding!"
Well I stabbed and I stabbed and I stabbed some more
But I couldn't hit^ that dirty old whore
I looked at my gas gauge, and it was down low
I backed aff again, and tried it real slow0
So; I tried it real slow boys, but that -didn't work
So I tried it fast again, what a hell of a jerk
The funnel it hit me, one hell of a blow
As I looked at the cold water down there below*
I looked at the water, s© cold and so chilled
And I thought t© myself, I911 soom be killed
So I'd better h©ok up, and £ake on some fuel
Cause that water below looks uncomfortably cool
So I finally did it, I hit that damn hose
I hit that old funnel, right square on the nose
The engineer said, "Sir you're taking on fuel!"
But the bastard was lying, the dirty old fobl,
I called that damn scanner, said, "Turn on the gas
I can't wait much longer, or I'll bust my ass„"
He looked up from his paper, and said withva grin
"You |now there are days sir, when you just can't win*
That's the end of my story, I'm sorry to say
That old F-100, lies out in the b£y
But I'll have my vengince, you can bet your life
Cause ther's one tanker pilot, that I'm going to knife ♦
87
I LOVE OLD WING OPS AND FLYING SAFETY 167
(Tune- Dear Hearts and Gentle People)
I love old Wing Ops, and Flying Safety
Theyfr% nothing but hot air
But if you bust one, and hit the barrier
You know damn well that they111 be there
I read my dash one, from dawn till sunset
But it don't go so well
For when the board meets, and I go up there
I know ther're going to give me hell*
I feel so helpless, each time I try to fly
For I know they 111 watch each move I make
And so it1 s Wing Ops and Flying Safety
Watching every rule I break„
SHO ME THE WAY TO GO HOME 168
Show me the way to go home
I?m tired and I want to go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it went right to my head
Wherever I may roam
On land or sea or foam
You will always here me singing this song
Show me the way to go home.
Indicate the way to my abode
I'm fatigued and I want to retire
I had a spot of beverage sixty minutes ago
And it went right to my cerebellum
Wherever I may perambul&te'
On land or sea or atmospheric vapor
jfou can always Bear me crooning this melody
Indicate the way to my abode.
BUDDY 169
BUDDY, BUDDY, have a good time
Stay in bed till half past nine
Drink your drink and Flub your dub
86th Fighter Country Club*
HONEY 170
Oh, Honey, Honey, Bless your heart
Cause you're the honey that I love so well
My heart beats true, sweetheart for you
Cause your the honey that I love so well*
8$
COCAINE SUE 171
Oh morphine Bill and Cocaine Sue
Truckin* down the avenue
Chorus: Oh honey hare a sniff, have a sniff on me
Oh honey have a sniff on ae,
Now right on Broadway, left on main
To get a shot at olc cocaine
Now in that drugstore hung a sign
We airn*t got no more morphing
In a graveyard on a hill
Lies the refrains of Morphine Bill*
And in that graveyard by his side
Lie the remains of his cocaine bride
Now the moral of this story just goes to show
There ain't no fun in sniff in* snowe
LEES HOOCHIE 172
(Tune- On Top of Old Smokey)
I went to Seoul City, and met a Miss lee
She said for a short time, oh come sleep with me
We went to Lee's hoochie, a room with hot floors
I left my shoes outside, and slid shut the door„
She took off her l$5ng Johns, and rolled out the pad
I gave her ten thousand, ?twas all that I had
Her breach smelles of kimchie, her bosoms were flat
No hair on her pussy, now what about that,
I asked to go benjo, she le$ me outside
I reached for old smokey, he crawled back inside
I rushed to the medics, cried, f,What shall I do I"
The doc was dumbounded, old smokey was blue*
Now when you8re in Seoul City, on your next three day pass
Don*t go to Leefs Hoochie, sit flat on your ass
Now your ass my get blistered, and( Lee may tempt you
But better the red ass, than old smokey blue*
THE COED AND THE CADET 173
The Coed and the Cadet were courting I declare
Down by the gate they didn8t know that I was there
Oh the Coed she was bashful and the Cadet lie was shy
He asked her if he could and this was her reply
89
THE COED AND THE CADET (Con't)
You can do it if you wanna
But you'd better do it right
You'd better not do it
Like you did the other night
Cause if you do, I'm telling you
I'll never, let you do it again
I rally mean it
IT11 never let you do it again.
A MAN WITHOUT A WOMAN 174
A man without a woman
Is like a ship without a sail
Is like a boat without a rudder
Like a kite without a tail.
A man without a woman
Is like a shipwreck on the sand
But if there's one thing worse in the universe
It's a woman, I said a woman
I mean a woman without a man*
For you can roll a silver dollar
Cross the bar room floor
And it will roll, because it is round
And a woman ner^r knows what a good man she's got
Until she turns him down.
So honey listen, now honey listen to me
I want you to understand
That a silver dollar goes from *■ hand to hand
While a woman goes from man to mane
RED SCARFS 175
(Tune- Strawberry Blonde)
Now the 12th fighter squadron they don't show me much
While the Red Scarfs fly
Their technique is bad and their bombing is sad
While the Red Scarfs fly.
Their guns are corroded, their pilots are loaded
Their cockpits are covered with dust
They fly for awhile, but they ain't got no style
While the Red Scarfs fly.
DO YOU KEN MY SISTER TILLY 176
Do you ken my sister Tilly
She's a whore on piccadilly
And my mother is the same upon the strand
And my father sells his ass hole
At the Elephant and Castle
We're the finest whoring family in the land.
DO YOU KEN MT SISTER TILLY (Conft)
When you wake tip in the morning
With your hands upon your knees
And the shadow of your penis on the wall
And the hair a-growing thick
Between your ass hole and your prick
And the rats are playing snooker with; your balls.
THE CHEETAS 177
Oh it is easy to see it's not the roosters
For the roosters only crow
And it is easy to see it's not the cobras
For the cobra never put on such a wonderful show
Oh it is easy to see it's not the foxes
For the foxes are too few
Oh it's easy to see^ who else could it be
But the Cheetas, every time*
MUSTANG'S RUN BY MERLIN 178
Mustang's run by Merlin, and Merlin's run by me
I am run by (Sq CO)^ and he can climb a tree
Oh we'll all hang old (Sq CO), to the top of the pole
And we'll all be home by Christmas—
Ig a pigs ass hole
(Sq CO) is run by)Wg COjand Wg CO run by AD CO
AD CO run by AF CO and AF CO knows where he can go
Oh we'll hang old AF CO on the top of the pole
And we'll all be home by Christmas.
In a pigs ass holec
THE CANDLE SONG 179
All the nice girls love a candle
Cause a candle has a wick
And there's something about a candle
That reminds them of a prick
Nice and greasy, slips in easy
It's the maidens pride and joy
You can hear them sing and hout
As they pop it in and out
Ship Ahoy! Ship Ahoy!
ARIGATO FOR THE MEMORIES 180
(Tune- Thanks for the Memories)
Arigato for the memories
Of train wrecks on the line
Of Gin^a marts and honey carts
Arigatoj so much*
ARIGATO FOR THE MEMORIES (Con't)
Arigato for the memories
of steaks we couldn't eat
Old left over meat
Of powdered milk and girls in silk
Kimonas on the street
Arigato, so much*
Few are the times wefve feasted
And many's the time we've fasted
R and R*s were swell while they lasted
We did have fun, and no harm done.
So Arigato for the memories
Of special allied cars
All the different bars
Of whiskey cokes and dirty jokes
Arigato, so much.
Arigato for the memories
Of dead fish on the shore
Rats behind the dooor
The Kamakura Buha and brocades that we all wore
Arigato so much.
Arigato for the memories
Of snacks at the PX
All those talks on sex
The broken bones we suffered, in Takusan jeepo wrecks
Arigato so much.
We say hello with martini's
We'll say sayonara with saki
The Japs won't forget all that khaki
Honshu's not the same, but we're glad we came
Arigato so much#
Arigato for the memories
Of lanterns after dark
Rickshaws in the park
The funny names, the baseball games
So Arigato, so much.
AURALEE 181
As the blackbirds in the spring
Neath the willow tree
Sat and piped the song they sang
Singing Auralee
Auralee—Auralee—Maid with the golden hair
Sunshine came along with thee
And shadows in your hair
TELL ME WHY 182
Tell me why, the ivy twines
Tell me why, the stars do shine
Tell me why, the ocean's blue
Ifll tell you why, it?s because I love you,
Because God made, the ivy twine
Because God made, the stars to shine
Because God made, the oceans blue
Because God made you, is why I love you.
BATTLE HYMN 183
(Tune-Battle Hymn of the Republic)
We fly our fucking Sabres at 10,000 fucking feet
We fly our fucking Sabres through the rain and snow and sleet
And though we think we're flying south
We*re flying fucking north
And we make our fucking landfall on the firth of fucking forth.
Chorus: Glory, glory halleluia, Glory, Glory Halleluia
Glory, Glory Halleluia, (Insert last line each verse).
We fly those fucking Sabres at fuck all 1,000 feet
We fly those fucking Sabres through the trees and corn and wheat
And though we think we fly with skill
We fly with fucking luck
But we don't give a fucking damn or care a fucking fuck.
We fly those fucking sabres at 10,000 fucking feet
We fly those fucking Sabres through the rain and snow and sleet
And though we think we're flying up
We're flying fucking down
And we bust our fucking asses when we hit the fucking ground.
SPANISH GUITAR 184
Oh the first port of call it was Aden, Aden
Where the girls wouldn't screw, but we made 'em Made fem
Chorus t Three dollars you pay, for a bang up each way
And a tune on a Spanish Guitar plink, plink, plink
Singing Hi-ziggy~ziggy, fuck a little piggy sideways
Swish-swich
My idea of a woman is a big fat whore
Shit-bang, Fuck-stick
Three dollars you pay, for a bang up each way
And a tune on a Spanish Guitax* plink, plink, plink
Oh the next port of call it was Boston, Boston
Where the girls wouldn't screw, but we forced 'em, forced 'em.
SPANISH GUITAR (Conft)
Oh the next port of call it was Malta, Malta
Where the girls wouldn't, but ought1 a, ought a
Oh the next port of call it was Suwon, Suwon
Where the girls they would do it for two won, two won
IN THE TALL GRASS 185
In the tall tall grass
Young Mary lay a-sleeping
When out of the tall grass
A pilot came a-creeping
With his long dingle dangle dingling
Right down to his knee.
Three months have gone by
Young Mary she grew bolder
She wished that the pilot
Would come and do it over
With his long dangle dingle dangling
Six months have gone by
And Mary she grew fatter
The neighbors did wonder
Just who had been at her
With his long dingle dangle dingling
Right down to his knee.
Nine months have gone by
And Mary burst asunder
And out jumped a pilot
With his 67th number
With his skoshe dangle dingle dangling
Right down to his knee.
THE MAID OF THE MOUNTAIN 186
The maid of the mountain
She pisses like a little fountain
Cause the hairs on her dickie-di-doo
Hang down to her knees
One black one, one white one
And one with a little shite on
Cause the hairs on her dickie-di-doo
Hang down to her knees
There's a red one, there's a cherry one
There's one with a dingle-berry on
Cause the hairs on her dickie-di-doo
Hang down to her knees.
94
THE MAID OF THE MOUNTAIN (Conft)
I've been there, I've seen it
I've been right between it
Cause the hairs on her dickie-di-doo
Hang down to her knees.
I've smelt it, I've felt it
And it feels just like velvet
Cause the hairs on her dickie-di-doo
Hang down to her knees.
Ifve tangled, I?ve dangled
I've fucking near got strangled
Cause the hairs on her dickie-di-doo
Hang down to her knees.
BYE BYE BLACKBIRD 187
(Tune- Bye Bye Blackbird)
There was a man, he was no good
He took a girlie in the wood
He flies mustangs
Then he took off all her clothes
And her shoes, and her hose
He flies Mustangs
He took her where nobody else could find her
Took a string and tied her hands behind her
Walked away and began to sing
Began to sing, ting-a=ling
Mustangs, I fly.
SEPBSQA 188
(Don't ask me what that means—I don't know either)
Oh, I loved her and I kissed her in the moonlight
And the moon shone bright all day
Oh, I loved her and I kissed her in the moonlight
And the moon shone bright all day
Gol darn that moon.
MOTHER HUMPERS BALL 189
(Tune- Darktown Strutters Ball)
Oh there's gonna be a ball at the Mother Humpers Hall
The witches and the bitches gonna be there all
Now honey don't be late, cause they're passin out pussy, bout
half
past eight
Now I've htimped in France and I've humped in Spain
I've been faumpin' on the coast of Maine
But the best piece I ever saw
Was when I humped my mother in law
Last Saturday night at the Mother Rompers Ball
95
TWO LADIES WERE CONFIDING 190
(Tune- River Shannon Flows)
Two ladies were confiding
On a streetcar where they were riding
Oh they must have been school teachers
Their conversation ran that way
On said, "How many children do you have"
She replied, "I've thirty thank you"
And when the same was asked the other
She said "I've got thirty twon
An old, Irish Lady, seated across the aisle
Said I heard your conversation
And I greet you with a smile
You must have been grand ladies
To have had so many babies
But your husbands must have come from
Where our River Shannon flows„
MINNIE THE MERMAID 191
Many's the night I spent with Minnie the Mermaid
Down at the bottom of the sea
Minnie lost her morals, down there among the corals
Gee, but she was mighty nice to me
Now many's the night with the pale moon shining
Down on her seaweed bungalow
Ashes to ashes, dust,to dust
Two twin beds and only on of them mussed,
Now you can easily see, shefs not my mother
Because my mother's forty nine
And you can easily see, she's not my sister
Because I wouldn't show my sister
Such a hell-uv-a good time
And you can easily see, she's not my sweetheart
Because rc^ sweetheart's too refined
She's just a peach of a kid
She never knew what she did
She's just a personal friend of mine.
GLORIOUS 192
Now the first thing they prayde for
They prayed for their king
Glorious, glorious, glorious king
If he have one son, May he also have ten
May he have a fucken arngr, cried the airmen ♦ Amen
Chorus: Now the Squadron Leader and the Wing Commander
And the Group Captain too
Hands in their pockets with fuck all to do
Robbing the pay of the poor Acey-Due
May the lord shit you sideways
Cried the airmen fuck you.
96
GLORIOUS (Con't)
Now the next thing they prayed for
The prayed for their Queen
Glorious, glorious, glorious Queen
If she have one daughter, may she also have ten
Now the next thing they prayed for
They prayed for their beer
Glorious, glorious, glorious, beer
If we have one beer, may we also have ten
May we have a fucking brewerey, cried the airmen. Amen
DRUNK 193
Drunk last night, drunk the night before
Gonna get drunk tonight, as I've never been drunk before
Cause when I'm drunk, I'm as happy as can be
Cause I am a member of the souse family♦
Now the souse family is the best family
That ever came over from old Germany
There's the Highland Dutch, and the Lowland Dutch
The: Rotterdam Dutch and the Goddamn Dutch.
Singing Glorious, Glorious
One keg of beer for the four of us
Glory be to God that there are no more of us
For one of us could drink it all alone, Damn Near
Here's to the Irish, dead drunk--------The lucky stiffs.
HARRIGAN 194
H—A, Double R—I, G—A—N spells Harrigan
Sure Ifm proud of all the Irich that's in me
And a devil a man can say a word agin' me
H—A, Double R—I, G—A—N, you see
That's a name to which no shame has ever
been connected with Harrigan, that's me.
KEYHOLE IN THE DOOR 195
I left the canteen early, it was shortly after nine
And by a stroke of fortune, her room was next to mine
Like any brave nColumbon with regions to explore
I took up my position by the keyhole in the door.
Chorus s Oh, the keyhole in the dopr, oh, the keyhole in the door
I took up my position by the keyhole in the door.
She crossed over to the fireplace her lovely figure to warm
With only a silken nighty to hide her gorgeous from
I prayed that she would take it off, just that and nothing more
By, God, I saw her do it through the keyhole in the door.
KEYHOLE IN THE DOOR (Conft)
Now after many a pounding upon that paneled door
And after many a pleading, I crossed that threshold floor
So no one would over see what I had seen before
I hung her silken night ofer the keyhole in the door.
That night I slept in clover and other things besides
And on that snow-white bosom I had a wonderful time
I awoke next morning early, my back it was sore
You'd think I'd been crawling through the keyhole in the door.
Now listen all you astronomers who think you are so wise
Who gaze into your telescopes into the starry skies
One thing I have to tell you, one thing and nothing more
Your telescopes are "bug~aroo-edrf to the keyhole in the door.
WHIFFENPOOF SONG 196
To the tables down at Maury's,
To the place where Louie dwells,
To the dear old Temple Bar we loved so well
Sit the Whiffenpoofs assembled
With their glasses raised on high,
And the magic of their singing casts a spell,
Yes, the magic of their singing
Of the songs- we love so well,
"Shall I wasting" and Mavournee11 and the rest.
We are poor little lambs who have lost our way,
Baa, baa, baa
We are poor little black sheep who have gone astray
Baa, baa, baa.
Gentlemen songsters off on a spree,
Damned from here to eternity.
God have mercy on such as we,
Baa, baa, baa*
LAST NIGHT 197
(Tune- Finicule-Finecula)
Last night I stayed up late to masturbate.
It felt so good—I knew It would
Last night I stayed up late to beet my meat0
It felt so nice—I did it twice0
You should really see me on the short strokes;
It feels so grand, I use my hand,
You must really catch me on the long strokes;
It feels so neat, I use my feeto
Shake it, break it, beat it on the floor;
Smash it, bash it, thrust it through the door;
Some people seem to think that fuckingTs grand,
But for all around enjoyment I prefer to use my hand*
SIXTEEN TIMES 198
(Tune - Sixteen tons)
Some people say a man is made out of fear,
But a fighter pilot 's made out of whiskey and beer—
Whiskey and beer, rum and rye,
If you fly the dot your sure to spin in.
Chorus: You fly sixteen times, what df you get
Another day alder and your weapon is bent.
Col Donalson don't you call me, I'm weak and lame
I lost my ass in a poker game.
I awoke one morning when the sun didn't shine
Got my 'chute and went down to the line
Down to the line to fly the ,!DM
But it was raining so hard I couldn't see.
I scrabled one morning with blood in my eye,
I'd had my fill of overholt rye—
Shot sixteen holes in a T-33
They're going to hand my ass from a coconut tree,
When you see me comin' better break to the right
"Cause the 26th Fighter had a party last night—
My eyeballs are red an' I'm mean as a bear,
Believe me SAMAP better clear the air,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO 199
I used to work in Chicago, in a department store
I used to work in Chicago, I did but I don't any more
A lady came, she asked for a hat
I asked her what kind she adored
Felt she said, and felt her I did
I did but I don't any more
cake - layer Glue - Paste Food - Pet
Lamp - Floor Cream - Massage Razor - Injector
Birds - Love Girdle - Rubber Scarf - Neck
IT'S TRAGIC 200
You smile your teeth fall out, your hair smells like sauerkraut
It's Tragic
The bugs desert the air, and rush to nestle in your hair
It's tragic
It takes one look to know you h&^e no charms
You're just a bag of bones with long surrounding arms
Your eyes are big and round
There's one that's blue and one that's brown
It's Tragic
You part your hair in place
And it keeps sliding down your face
It's Tragic
And as I tell myself, These things Itfiat happen are not really
true
Yet in my heart I know the tragedy is really you.
INTO THE AIR 69ERS 201
Into the air 69ers,
Into the air upside down.
Into the air 69ers,
Set your sights and let's go down, wefll all go down.
And when we see those bastard Commies,
And we make them shit a pound .
Your can bet those 69ers,
Are all going down*
Into the air 69ers
Onto your back,, soixante-neuffl
We'll blast those MIG's, 69ers.
And watch their ass go Poof, Poof, Poof.
And when you see those, "Golf-balls" flying.
And the flak begins to blast.
You can bet the 69ers
Will bite ?em in the ass.
HORSE SHIT 202
There was a pilot of great renown,
There was a pilot of great renown,
There was a pilot of great renown,
Until he fucked a girl from our town—
Fucked a girl from our town—
Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, horse shit.
He laid her in a feather bed,
He laid her in a feather Bed, he laid her in a feather bed,
And-then-he twisted out her maidenhead,
Twisted out her maidenhead—
Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, horse shit*
He laid her on a winding stair,
He laid her on a winding stair,
He laid her on a winding stair,
And-then-he shoved it in clear up to there—
Soved it in clear up to there—
Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, horse shit.
He laid her down beside a stump,
He laid her down beside a stump,
He laid her down beside a stump,
And-then-he missed her cunt and split the stump,
Missed her cunt and split the stump—
Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, horse shit.
He laid her down beside a pond,
He laid her down beside a pond,
He laid her down .beside a pond,
And-then-he fucked her with his magic wand,
Fucked her with his magic wand—
Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, horse shit.
HORSE SHIT (Con't)
He laid her on the dewey grass,
He laid her on the dewey grass,
He laid her on the dewey grass,
And-then-he shoved the old boy up her ass,
Shoved the old boy up her ass,,
Haa ha ha, ho ho ho, horse shito
He took her to the countryside,
He took her to the countryside,
He took her to the countryside,
And-then-he fucked the girl until she died,
Fucked the girl until she died,
Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, horse shito
He took her to the burial ground,
He took her to the burial ground,
He took her to the burial ground,
And-then-he thought hefd have another round
Thought he'd have another round,
Ha ha ha ha, ho ho ho---------HORSE SHIT, HORSE SHIT.
FOGGY, FOGGY DEW 203
Oh, I am a bachelor, I live all alone0
I work at the weaver's trade
And the only, only thing that I ever did wrong,
Was to woo affair young maid
I wooed her in the summer time
Part of the winter too,
And the only, only thing that I ever did wrong
Was to sheild her from the Foggy, Foggy Dew,
One night she came to my fcedside
As I lay fast asleep
This pretty, pretty maid
Knelt by my bedside
And there she began to weep*
She^ — wept, she cried
She damn near died
Alas, what could I d©0
So I took her into bed
And covered her head
Just to shield her from the Foggy, Foggy Dew*
Now a year has gone by
Still a bachelor am I.
And I work at the weaver's trade
Comes a—Knocking at nsy door
It's a voice I've heard beforee
'Tis the voice of the fair young maid
She handed me a little one
He siad, what can I do0,T So I took him into bed just to cover up
his head
Just to shield him from the Foggy, Foggy Dew,
LITTLE RED LIGHT 204
(Tune- "My blue Heaven")
A turn to the right, a little red light, will lead you to my red
haven.
You'll see a smiling face on a pillowcase, a form devine.
Just a little old whore whofs been screwed before,
A thousand times.
Just Molly and me, therfll never be three.
Wefre careful in our red haven.
DO YOUR BALLS HANG LOW 205
(Tune- March of the Toy Soldiers)
Do your balls hang low, do they swing to and fro
Can you tie them in a know can you tie f em in a bow
Can you throw them ofer your shoulder like a European Soldier
Do you balls hang low*
In days of old when knights were bold,
They shit right in their britches,
The wiped their ass with broken glass
Those thought old sons of bitches.
IN days of old when knights were bold,
And woman wore mere trifles
They hung their balls upon the walls,
And shot them down with rifles.
In days of old when knights were bold,
And women weren't particular.
They binded them up against the wall,
And fucked them perpendicular.
In days of old when knights were bold,
They wore all leather britches,
The beat their pricks with hickory sticks
And yellfd like sons of bitches.
VIRGIN STURGEON 206
(Tune- Ruben, Reben, I've been Thinking)
Caviar comes from a virgin sturgeon
Virgin Sturgeon is a very fine fish
Virgin Sturgeon needs no urginT
Thatfs why caviar is my dish.
Shad Roe comes from a scarlet shad fish
Shad fish have a very sad fate
Pregant shad fish is a sad fish
Got that way without a mate0
Osyters they are fishy bivalves
They ave youngsters in their shell
How they diddle is a riddle
But they do so what the hell.
VIRGIN STURGEON (Conft)
The green sea turtle's mate is happy
With her lovers winning way
First he grips her with his flipper
The he flips the grips for days
Mrs clam is optimistic
Shoots her eggs out in the sea
Hopes her suitor is a shooter
Hits the selfsame spon as she.
Give a thought to the happy codfish
Always there when duty calls
Female cod fish is an odd fish
From her come your cod fish balls.
The trout is just a little salmon
Just half grown and minus scales
But the trout9 just like the salmon
Can't get on without his tail.
Luckiest fish are the coraman starfish
When for offspring they essay
Yes my hearties they have parties
In the good old fashoined way.
I fed caviar to my girl frien
She was a virgin tried and true
Now that virgin needs no urgin
There ain't nothin' she won't do.
I fed caviar to my grandpa
He was a man of ninety three
Screams and shrieks were heard from grandma
He had chased her up a tree.
I fed caviar to my grandma
She came sown out of that tree
Now my gradma and my -grandpa
Start to raise a family.
I fed some caviar to ray rooster
I fed some caviar to my cow
Now the barnyard sure looks funny
All the cows have feathers now.
JOIN THE AIR FORCE 207
Chorus: Oh, why did I join the air Force
Mother dear, Dear mother knew be^t
Here I lie beneath a wreckage
A sabre jet over my chest.
Now when you are out on a mission
A KEG 15 makes a fine pass
Reach over squeeze both of those handles
The hell with the ship save your ass.
PILOT'S HEAVEN 208
(Tune- Ghost Riders in the Sky)
As we were flying through the sky
One bright and sunny day,
We spied a big black thunderstorm
Alying in our way—
Fly right on through, the colonel said,
We do most anything,
And now wefre up in heaven
And hear the angels sing*
Oh itfs so very nice up here
Away up in the sky,
There no one here with hen-house ways
There is no TDT
The food is good, the C0?S swell
We have no need to fear,
There's no such thing as OGS—
We all wear wings up here*
As we looked down on earth one day
We saw a gruesome sight,
It made our blood run very cold
It turned our livers white,
The whole command from Gnaha
Was headed up this way*
We called our lord before us
And all knelt down to pray*
The General told our boss, the Lore};.,
Now this is not a prank,
He shouted in a might voice
Just what's your date of rank!
The lord sat there--h$s head was bowed,
The General shouted clear
There's just not tqqol in heaven
For two CO's up here!
The lord he calledus 'fore the throne
And these last words he said,
Your tour up here is done, my boys
Your might as well be dead,
We'll send you out on PCS
But names we cannot tell,
One half to go three nine o six,
The other half to H-E-L-L*
BANG IT INTO LUI4J 209
Some girls work in factories
Some girls work in stores
My girl works in a knockin' shop
With forty other whores*
BANG IT INTO LULU (Con't)
Chorus: Bang it into Lulu
Bang it good and strong
What111 we do for banging
When Lulufs dead and gone*
Wish I was a pisspot
Under Lulu's bed
Every time she stooped to pee
Ifd see her maidenhead.
Whish I was a finger
On Lulu's little hand
Every time she wiped her ass
Ifd see the promised land.
Lulu had a baby
She had it on a rock
She couldn't call it Lulu
TCause the bastard had a cock.
Lulu had a baby
She named it Sonny Jim
She threw it in the pisspot
To teach it how to swim
Last time I saw Lulu
I haven't seen her since
She was suckin' off a tiger
Through a barbed wire fence.
IN THE SPRINGTIME 210
In the springtime, in the springtime
In the springtime of yore
I met a young lady who looked like a---
Darling young maiden, as she lay in the grass
And gently rolled over to show me her—
Diamons and Bracelets and lettle pet duck
And told be she'd teach me a new way to---
Bring up ray children and teach them to knit
While farmers in barnyards were shoveling out---
Feed for their horses and cattle and sheep
In the springtime, in the springtime
In the springtime so sweet.
THE COMMIES LAMENT 211
(Tune- Clementina)
Onee a flier, do or dier, in his faithful' Sabre true
After bitchin, flew a mission, to the town of Sinianju
Still in flight he, saw some mighty Russian MIG's upon his tail
With a quiver, and a shiver, he let out an awful wail.
THE COMMIES LAMENT (Con't)
Chorus: Sayonara, Sayonara, Sayonara, Ah So Des
If you find me, never mind me,
I will be an awful mess.
Then a Mustang, went in busting, Just to see what he could do
But alas, he made a pass and that was all, they got him too
Thought an 80 I'm so great hefll never get a shot at me
Wasnft gone long when his -swan song
Sounded just like this to me.
Then a Thunder Jet who hadn't blundered yet
Thought hefd try it all alone
Like a blotter hit the water, shook the hand of Davey Jones
So the tally in MIG alley isn't quite like all the claims
But as a fair course to the Air Force
We won't mention any names.
OLD NUMBER NINE 212
Twas a dark and stormy night, not a star was in sight
All the Mustangs were tied down to the line
When ,in rain up to his ears, stood a lonely volunteer
With his orders to fly old number nine.
His ass was racked with pain as he climbed into his plane
And his bung hole was puckered fit to tie
And he whispered a prayer as he climed into the air
For he knew that this was his night to die.
As he flew ofer Haga-ru he could see a school or two
And the women and children very well
But how was he to know that he'd fly so Goddamned low
That his bomb blast would blow his ass to hell.
In the wreck he was fourid thinly spread out on the ground
And the crunchies they raised his weary head
With his life almost spent here's the messsage that he sent
To his buddies who'd be sad to see him dead*
I used an 8 to 10 delay but it didn't work out that way
Without a tail an F4U won't fly
Tell the Skipper for me, that he now has twenty three
He can roll up the ladder---Semper Fi.
COOL 213
I'm as cdhl as the tip of an eskimo's to&l
I'm as cofcl as a fish in a frozen pool
Cool as a pane of frosty glass
Cool as the fringe around a polar bear's ass
Cool
SAM HOUSTON 21fr
A big black bull came down from the mountain
Houston, Sam Houston
A big black bull came down from the mountain
Long time ago
Long time ago o o o, Long time ago o o o
A big black bull came down from the mountain
Long time ago
He spied a heifer in the pasture grazin
Houston, Sam Houston
He spied a heifer in the pasture grazin
Long time ago
Long time ago o o o, Long time ago o o o
He spied a heifer in the pasture grazin
Long time ago.
He yumped that fence and he yumped that heifer
Houston, Sam Houston
He yumped that fence and he jrumped that heifer
Long time ago
Long time ago o o o, Long time ago o o o
He yumped that fence and he yumped that heifer
Long time ago.
He missed that heifer and pffft in the pasture
Houston, Sam Houston
He missed that heifer and pffft in the pasture
Long time ago
Long time ago o o o, Long time ago o o o
He missed that heifer and pffft in the pasture
Long time ago.
The big black bull went back to the mountain
Exhausted, Exhausted
The big black bull went back to the mountain
Long time ago
Long time ago o o o, Long time ago o o o
The big black bull went back to the mountain
Long time ago.
I AIN'T GOT NO USE FOR THE WOMEN 215
I ainft got no use for the women;
A true one can never be found
They'll use a man for his money
When it's gone, they'll turn him down
They're all alike at the bottom
Selfish, and grasping for all
They'll stick by a man when he's winning
And laugh in his face at his fall.
I AIN!T GOT NO USE FOR THE WOMEN (Con!t)
I once knew a young cow puncher
Honest and upright and square
But he turned to a hard shootin gunman
And a woman put him there
He fellin with evil companions
The kind that are better off dead
When a gambler insulted her picture
He filled him full of lead.
All thru that long night they chased him
Thru mesquite and tall chaparral
And I couldnTt help think of her picture
When I saw him pitch and fall
If she*d been the pal she should have
He might have been raising a son
Instead of out on the prairie
To die by a rangers gun,
Deathfs sharp sting did not trouble
His chances for life were to slim
But where they were putting his body
Was1 all that worried him
He lifted his head on his elbow
The blood from his wound ran red
He looked at his pals grouped around him
And this is what he said.
"Bury me out on the prairie
Where the coyotes howl over ny grave
Bury me out on the prairie
But from them my bones please save
Wrap me up in my blanket
And bury me deep in the ground
Cover me over with boulders of granite, huge and rounds
So we buried him out on the prairie
Where the coyotes they howl ofer his grave
And his soul is now a resting from the unkind cut she gave
And many another young puncher,
As he rides past that pile of stones
Recalls, of similar woman
And thinks of his moulderin bones♦
HINKT DI 216
Up in Korea midst high rocks and snow
The poor Chinese Commie is feeling quite low
For as the Corsairs roar by overhead
He knows that his buddies all soon will be dead,
Chorus: Hinky di Dinky Dinky di
Hinky di Dinky Dinky di.
HINKY DI (Con't)
Lin Pao went way up to cold Kato Hi
His prize Chinese army in action to see
He got there a holf hour after the IPs
And all that he found was their hats and their shoes .
Run little chink men save your ass run
For 323 is out looking for fun
As the big white nosed Corsairs came down in their dives
You'll know the deathrattlers are after you lives.
Uncle Joe Stalin your stooges have found
It just doesn't pay to invade foreign ground
For when they disturb the severe morning calm
They brought on the rockets, bombs and napalm.
Here's to the 2-C, the vought people too
And their well known product the blue F4U
To all gyrene pilots and carriers at sea
And to the deathrattlers squadron olf 323*
We fought at Pyong Yang and at Hagaru
At Kumbawa and Kaesang and Oyangbu
So here's to our pilots and here's to our crew
The target, the snake, and the blue F4U.
TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS 217
(Tune- Old 97)
He was comin' on the downwind doin' one ninety per
When his Hundred went into a spin
He was found in the wreck with his hand on the throttle
And his body all covered with gin.
Now the Pratt man said, "It can't be the engine
'Cause that engine never chugs."
So upon examination, pulling blades in every station
They found it was the jet mix sludge.
Chorus: (Low and Soft) (Tune- Funeral March)
Ten thousand dollars going home to the folks
Ten thousand dollars going home to the folks
Oh won't they be excited, Oh won't they be delighted
Just think of what they can buy
Ten thousand dollars going home to the folks.
I SAW HER SNATCH 218
. I saw her "snatch" her satchel from the windbw
I held her for a moment in the rain
I kissed her "as" she hurried to the station
To see her brother "Jack off" the train.
TIE MI ROOT AROUND A TREE 219
(Time- Chisolm Trail)
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a penny-
She said boy you can't have any.
Chorus: Come and tie my root around a tree, round a tree
Come and tie my root around a tree.
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a nickel
She said for that you don't even get a tickle.
Reached in my pocket, pullled out a dime
She said young man you're wasting your time.
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a quarter
She said young man I'm a preachers daughter
Reached in my pocket, pulled out.a half
She said young man you make me laugh.
Reached in my pocket, pulled out six bits
All she did was wiggle her tits.
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a buck
She said young man you've bought a fuck.
Took her to the kitchen, laid her on the sink
Oh my God how her pussy did stink.
Fucked her sittin', fucked her ly^Ln'.
If I'd had wings I'd a fucked her flyin'.
I awoke in the morning, and guess what I saw
Fifteen chancers and a big blue ball.
I went to the doctor, cause rny pecker was sore
My God said the doctor you've been taken by a whore.
And now you can see, Pm a perckerless man
I fuck em with my finger and fool em when I can.
Now the last time I saw her, and I haven't seen her since
She was jacking off a doggie through a barbed wire fence.
CREEPING AND CRAWLING 220
One night as I was crawling and creeping, creeping, creeping
I spied a young maiden so peacefully sleeping^
So roll you leg over, so roll your leg over, over more
I said to her can I come to bed with you
And then she replied you're not handcuffed or tied
So roll you leg over, so roll your leg over, over more.
CREEPING AND CRAWLING (Conft)
Her drawers were tight and I could not get in them
And then she replied there's a knife on the table
The knife was sharp and her drawers split asunder
And then we were banging like lightening and thunder
So roll your leg over, so: roll your leg over, over more,
In about nine months lay the poor maid asunder
And then she remembered the lightning and thunder
So roll your leg over, so roll your leg over, over more,
HUMORESQUE 221
Passengers will please refrain
From flushing the toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you
As we go strolling through the park
And goosing shadows in the dark
If Shermans horse can take it, why can't you.
You're the guy that did the pushing
Put the wet spots on the cushion
Foot prints on the dash board upside down
Ever since you met my daughter
She1s had trouble passing water
Wish that you had never come to town.
I'm the guy that did the pushing
Put the wet spots on the cushion
Foot prints on the dash board upside down
Since I met your daughter Venus
I've had trouble with my penis
Wish I'd never seen this God damn town.
I LOVE A BILLBOARD 222
I love a billboard, I always will
A sexy billboard gave me, my first thrill
When I was only a little child
A sexy billboard drove me wild.
HERE' TO _____ 223
Here's to ______, he's true blue
He's a drunkard through and through
He's a drunkard so they say
Oh he tried to go to Heaven
But he went the other way
So drink chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug
So drink chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug.
PADDY MURPHI 224
Have yon ever been in an Irishmans shanty
Where shiskey is plent and the money is scanty
A bed on the floor, a roof of thatch
And a string on the door instead of a latch
Now there were icepicks and toothpicks
And all kinds of lunatics, ice cream and cold cream
The girls were drinking kerosene.
Now the night that Paddy Murphy died is one I111 not forget
The boys they started drinking and some ain't sober yet
Now the night that Paddy Murphy died
They came from far and near
They took the ice right off the corpse, and but it in the beer.
And that' s how we showed our respedt for Paddy Murphy
Thatf s how we showed our honor and our pride
That' s how we showed our respect for Paddy Murphy
On the night that Paddy died.
THE HAIRY CHESTED EIGHT SIX 225
We're from the Eight Six
The hairy chested Eight Six
Whenever we go out and have a ball
We take delight in stirring up a fight
And knocking hawks and tigers in the head
Till they're dead.
HA, HA, HA
HO, HO, HO
HEE, HEE, HEE
We have gotten
A rep for being rotten
We put poison in our COfs Cream of Wheat
We're from the Eight Six
The hairy chested Eight Six
And we eat (ROAR) Raw Meat I
(Call the waiter - More Beer)
THE MOST CHIVILROUS FISH 226
The most chivilrous fish in the ocean
To ladies forbearing and mild
Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark
Who will, eat neither woman or child.
He dines upon seamen and skippers
And a tourist will his hunger aswage
And a fresh cabin boy, will inspire him with joy
If he's past the maturity age.
THE MOST CHIVILROUS FISH (Con't)
A doctor a lawyer or preacher
He'll gobble up any fine day
But the ladies, God Bless 'em, he'll only address fem
Politely and go on his -way.
I can raedily dite you an instance
Of a lovely young lady from Breem
Who was tender and sweet, and delicious to eat
And fell into the bay with a scream*
She struggled and flounced in the water
And signaled in vain for her barque
She would surely have drowned, if she had not been found
By a chivilrous man-eating shark.
He bowed in his manner most charming
Thus soothing her impulses wild
Donft be frightened, he said, ITve been properly bred
And will eat neither woman nor child*
He proffered his fin and she took it
Such gallantry none can dispute
And the passengers cheered, as the vessel they neared
And the broadside was fired in s&lute.
They soon were alongside the vessel
A life saving dinghy was lowered
With a pick of the crew, and her relatives too
And the mate and the skipper aboard*
They had her on board in a jiffy
The shark stood attention the shile
Then he raised up his flipper, and gobbled up the skipper
And went on his way with a smile*
This shows that the king of the ocean
To ladies forbearing and mild
Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark
Who will eat neither woman nor child*
LETS HAVE A PARTY 227
Parties make the world go round
Parties make the world go round
Parties make the world go round
So lets have a party*
We1 re gonna tear down the bar in your town Boo
We're gonna build a new bar Ray
It's only gonna be one foot wide Boo
But it'll be a mile long Ray
There'll be no bartenders in our bar Boo
We're gonna have barmaids Ray
LETS HAVE A PARTI (CON'T)
Our barmaids will wear long dresses Boo
Made of cellophane Ray
You can't take our barmaids home Boo
They'll take you ..home Ray
You can't sleep with our barmaids Boo
They won't let you sleep Ray
Beer's gonna be 50$ a glass Boo
Whiskey free Ray
Only one to a customer Boo
Served in buckets Ray
We're gonna throw all the beer in the river Boo
They we'll all go for a swim Ray
No girls allowed above the first floor Boo
With their clothes on Ray
There'll be no loving on the dance floor Boo
And no dancing on the loving floor Ray
Parties make the world go round
Parties make the world go round
Parties make the world go round
SO LET'S HAVE A PARTY.
SHANTY TOWN 228
There's a shanty in the town on the little plot of ground
With the green grass growin all around, all around
The roofs so worn so badly torn that it tumbles to the ground
Just a tumble down shack and its built way babk
"bout twenty-five feet from the railroad tracks
Lingers on jrqf mind most all of the time
Keeps calling me back to my little grass shack
I'd be just as sassy as Haile Selasse
If I were a king wouldn't mean a thing
Put my boots on tall read the writing on the wall
And it wouldn't mean a thing, not a goddamned thing
There's a queen waiting there in a rocking chair
Just blowing her top on Gaitors beer
I'm looking all around and trucking on down
'Cause I gotta get back to ray shanty town.
MOM'S IN BED 229
Mom's in bed, Pops on top
Kid's in the cradle say'n shoot it to her pop
Moms in bed, pops in jail
Sis is in the gorner yellin pussy for sale
Moms in the kitchen, pops locked up
My hunch=backed brothers got my sister knocked up
Got a model T Ford, a tank full of gas
A mouth full of titty and a hand full of ass
Haven't got a nickel, haven't got a dime
A house full of kids and none of them mine.
STREET CLEANER SONG 230
(Time—Carolina In The Morining)
Nothing could be meaner
Than to be a street cleaner
In the Morning
Nothing could be bluer
Than to pick up horse manure
In the morning.
When the horses unload
That's what I really hate
Cleaning up horse manure
From four AM till eight
Strolling with my pushcart
When the breezes smell like cheeze
In the morning ♦
There's nothing more I fear
Than a horse with diarrhea
In the mornirg
Why can't they drop those little balls
That don't stick to my overalls
In the morning
If I had AUadins lamp for only a day
I would make a wish or two
And here's what I'd say
I wish they would put classes
All around those horses asses
In the morningc
SOUTH OF THE BORDER 231
That louse of a boarder
Who else could it be
While I was away at work
That lousy jerk filled in for me
Oh I didn't get angry
Though it's driving me wild
For he may be the father of my only child ♦
Oh the baby's forst words were manana
It was then I could plainly see
That it was a real mexicana
And there'sno Spanish blood in me.
Oh I stabbed that boarder
I stabbed him that day
I cut him from the Rio Grande to the Sante Fe
I cut off his boleros
Now he'll never play
South of the border, in a Mexican way.
DRINKIN RUM AMD COCA COLA 232
Since the 45th came to Sidi Slimane
They've got the French girls going insane
The French girls say they treat them nice
And they give them a better price .
Chorus: Drinkin rum and coca cola
Go down Port Lyautey
Both mother and daughter
Working for a Yankee dollar.
In French Morocco it is mighty clear
The Frenchman gets one can of beer
While the 45th leads a life so fine
Just making whopee all the time.
The SAC boys came to Sidi this year
The girls all thought that they were queer
They don't dance, they just drink beer
They're glad that the 45th is here
The bomber jockeys came and left the girls so cold
They acted like a million years old
They don't spend money so they say
The wives in the states get all their pay.
Before we landed on this field
The Officers Club showed little yield
But now we'll build a club De Lux
The 45th is on the books.
The American arms so they say
Allow Frauleins only through the day
There's that click click click all the night
But the O.D. says it's quite all right.
Chorus: Drinkin rum and cocacola
Go down to Walhalla
Both mother and daughter
Working for the yankee dollar.
Up in Deutschland it is clear
The girls don't drink much gin or beer
They will play and they will sin
But you've got to give up your Sabre pin.
Up in Frankfurt late one night
Our tech rep got mighty tight
Made passionate love to a blonde in black
Now they're takin stitches in his back.
TO THE TABLES DOWN AT SIDI 233
(Tune- Whiffenpoof Song)
To the tables down at Sidi
To the place where Chester dwells
To the dear old Dallas Bar we loved so well
Sang the motley crew assembled
With their glasses raided on high
And the horrow of their singing sounds like hell.
Yes, the horror of their singing
Of the songs that should sound well
While we're wasting all the morning and our rest
We will serenade our Chester
While life and limb shall last
Till he's gone and been forgotten in the past.
We're the 3906th who have gone astray
Baa, baa, baa
We'll try to be good till rotation day
Baa, baa, baa
Officers, gentlemen, try to be
We think we'll be here till eternity
Oh, please send a replacement for me
Baa, baa, baa.
At the choir practice nightly
All the songs are sweet and low
Till that good old demon rum begins to flow
Then tonsils they get rusty
And the voices get off key
And the wives declare that now they have to go.
The women leave discretely
And the songs get more risque
And tales of war are told by those who fly
They fight the war in Burma
And the war in Europe too
And each one tries to tell a bigger lie.
We are members of the Sidi choir
La, la la
We will sing the song that you desire
La, la, la
Cocks men we profess to be
Full of scotch type energy
Hope we live on past this spree
La, la, la.
ROTATIONAL EVE 234
(Tune- Red River Valley)
Life in Sidi Slimane is so peaceful
But the rumors are true that we've heard
The quiet is soon to be broken
By arrival of SACfs 303rd.
From old Tucson they say they are leaving
Leaving homes and sweet lovin wives
They will come here to old French Morocco
And complicate all of our lives*
Now they'll have lots of aircraft and people
And they'll have at least thirty I know
Who will spend all of their waking moments
Making work for the base AIO.
But we'll not be about to get excited
For the answer to most of our fears
Is to pass on the buck just as always
Straight on to the Corps of Engineers.
The odds are what we cannot please them
There are sure to be waits and delays
But if we can stand it for two years
They can stand it for just thirty days.
NAUGHTY LITTLE DOG 235
Once I had a naughty little dog
A naughty little dog was he
I loaned him to a lady friend
To keep her company.
Now all around the house that night
That haughty little dog did hunt
He'd stick his nose beneath her dress
And try to smell her----
Shame on you you naughty little dog
You make my temper rise
There's only one man in this whole world
"Who can sleep between her------
Thank the lady for the wine
I'll drink it for my supper
Damn the man who's got a girl
And ain't got the guts to-----
Fumble fumble all around
It's time that we should start
I ate some beans for supper
And I think I'm going to------
NAUGHTY LITTLE DOG (Con't)
Forty dollars I will bid
And six bits I will pass
Damn the girl that stole my dice
And stuck them up her------
Ask your partner for her name
I need it for a list
Excuse me while I go outside
And try to take a-------
Pistol belt around my hips
And around this town I111 frolic
Take your partners in the house
While he plays with his------
Ball, play ball the umpire cried
Oh how that man can hit
Take him to the alley
Cause I think he's going to -----
Shame on you, you naughty little boy
You know that mule will kick
And there you stand behind 13m
With your hand upon his ---------
Prick the elephant with the prod
To hear the monster yell
If he should step upon you
He 'would smash you all to----
Help, help, the sailor crid
As through the sea he swam
Swim or sinkrrthe skipper said
Cause I donft give a-----—
Damn my hide for every little thing
I'll sing a little more
Once I sat in a parlor
With my arms around a-----
Hold on there ray pretty little girl
What is it that you say
If you should sit on another mans lap
You'd get a dose of ----—
Clap, clap, clap your hands
My song will never last
If you don't like this song I sing
You can kiss my bletfc^ ass*
SIDI SLIMANE SONG 236
(Tune- On top of Old Smoky)
Now gather round closely, and weTll sing this refrain
Bout life in Moracco, at Sidi Slimane
There's not enough women, to grace this bare land
But there's plenty of rag heads, Cactus and sand.
The heat in the daytime, will wither your soul-
While all the long evenings, you shiver with cold
It's so hot in old Sidi, where no river flows
You'd think hell was above you, and heaven below.
Each man here will tell you, that he's malassigned
And the Air Force commanders, have all lost their miniis
We here in Siddi, want to know why we're here
And we'll not find our answer, in a big glass of beer.
So we'll try some rye whiskey, and we'll try some rum
And a gallon of cognac, and the answer will come
We need some< equipment, and we need some supplies
But any improvement, will"be a surprise.
Work from dawn till sunset, on many big deals
While those boys from division, are dragging their heels
The boys you will notice, who take it so hard
Are recalled reservists, and the Air National Guard.
While I'm sitting here singing, I've had an idea
It's rough in Morocco, but death in Korea.
LET OLE MOTHER NATURE HATE HER WAY 237
Boy-san wipe away them tears
We're goin down to the house of mirrors
To let ole mother nature have her way
Goin to look into them mirrors of glass
An watch myself get a piece of ass
Lett in ole mother nature have her way*
Chorus? Closer, come a skoshi bit closer
Oh there ain't no use to dick around this way
Put your belly close to mine
We're gonna go pom-pom four or five times
To let ole mother nature have her way.
Moshi-moshi Boy-san make a skoshi trip
Down to the Officers Club at the strip
To let ole mother nature have her way
We're goin down to that glorified pub
Known as the Allied Officers Club
To let ole mother nature have her way.
LET OLE MOTHER NATURE HAVE HER WAY (Con't)
Shrimp cocktails and a great big steak
Will really put us on the inake
To let ole mother nature have her way
But before we go down to that palace of sin
We better load up with a few thousand Ten
To let ole mother nature have her way.
Hooray now here we are at last
Mama-san parade them jo-sans past
To let ole mother nature have her way
Now that *unfs as cute as a pup with specks
Them chi-chi's didn't come from no P.X.
Just let ole mother nature have her way.
Mama-san IT11 take that one over there
With the great big chi~chifs and the sukoshie hair
To let ole mother nature have her way
Oh it shorely seems an awful sin
To pay this jo-san a thousand yen
To let ole mother nature have her way.
Jo-san taihen kawaii aa
Pom pom O-mae-ni suki desf ha
To let ole mother nature have her way
Hai, hai, so desu, suki desho
Keredomo shakuhachii suki nai yo
To let ole mother nature have her way.
Oh you wake up in the morning feeling like shit
And nine days later it starts to drip
To let ole mother nature have her way
You tell Doc Beetlebaum the fix you're in
He fills your ass full of penicillin
To let ole mother nature have her way.
But you will really begine to curse yore fate
When yore shankers break out as big as pie plate
To let ole mother nature have her way
Down to Doc'Beetlebaumfs office again
To get yore ass full of aureomycin
To let ole mother nature have her way.
Then one fine mornin you jump out of the sack
To find the little son-of-a-bitch has turned coal black
To let ole mother nature have her way
-The doe &ays stand on your toes and cough
Imagine his surprise when yore balls fall off
To let ole mother nature have her way.
Donrt worry doc Beetlebaum tells you the score
They'll never be missed on your next 60-4
To let ole mother nature have her ws$r
But you'll sound a little funny transmittin for a fix
(High Voice) Hello D F Homer one, two, three, four, five, six
To let ole mother nature have her way.
WE SOLD OUR COW 233
We sold our cow
We sold our cow
We've got no use
For your bull now.
CLOVIS 239
He stood before the pearly gate
His face was scarred and old
He stood before the man of fate
For admission to the fold
tTWhat have you done?" St Peter said
"I've been a fighter pilot, sir,
For many and many years
I've fought the dust and flown the 'D'
With the frozen chosen few
I've been at Clovis Air Force Base
And parts of Texas too.
The pearly gates swung open wide
St Peter touched the bell
"Come in and chose your harp, ray friend
You've had your share of Hell".
RUGGED BUT RIGHT 241
I just called up to tell you that I'm rugged but right
A thief and a gambler and I'm drunk every night
I eat a porterhouse steack three times a day for my board
More than -any ordinary guy can afford
I got a big 'lectric fan to keep^me cool when I sleep
A good looking gal to play around with my feet
I'm just a rambling man, a gamblin' man, drunk every night
I just called up to tell you that I'm rugged but right.
I just called up to tell you that I'm rugged but right
A thief and a gambler and I'm drunk every night
I've got the hips that sank the ships of England, France and Peru
And If you're like Napoleon, it's your Waterloo
I'll take a fifteen intermission in the Ford V-8
I'd like to make it longer but I've got a late date
My motto is "Sin be gone with the wind" so lets be breezy tonight
I just called up to tell you that I'm rugged and right.
REMEMBER 242
Remember the night, when you were tight, my darling, remember
When I was on heat, and said you might, my darling, remember
Remember you found a tender spot, right in the middle of my twot
You said you'd withdraw before you shot
But you forgot to remember.
DRINKING SONG 243
What's the use of drinking tea
Indulging in sobriety
Teetotaled perversity
It's healthier to booze.
What's the use of milk and water
These are drinks that never alter
Be aloud in any quarter
Come on lose your blues,
Mix yourself a shandy
Drown yourself in brandy
Sherry sweet or whisky neat
Or any other liquor that is handy.
What's the blinking sense in drinking
Anything that dosn't make you stinking
There is nothing quite like sinking
Blotto to the floor.
Abberrations metabolic
Ceilings that are hyperbolic
These are for the alchol'ic
Lying on the floor.
Vodka for your auntie
Gin to make you hearty
Lemonade was only made
For drinking when your mothers' at the party.
Steer clear of home made beer
Or anything that isn't labelledclear
There is nothing elst to fear
Bottoms up my boys.
UP THE DUFF 2U
My girl-friend's up the duff in Canberra city,
She's only got another month to go
I took her out to Luna Park, and went aboard the dipper
Then coming down the stairs I tried my very best to trip her
It looks as tho' its going to be a very stubborn nipper
For she's only got another month to grow
She's gone about as far as she can go.
She told me many months ago that it was getting late
According to the calendar I've only one to wait
Four weeks and a day or two should be the^opening date.
I took her to the doctor, I took her to a quacks
I took her on a motor bike over bumpy tracks
But I expect a rebate on my next year's income tax.
THE COLONEL'S LAMENT 245
The 523rd went out to fly one dark and stormy night
And as they taxied past I heard the old Colonel say
The 523rd is gonnaf fly, it makes me mighty proud
To know I have one squadron who will penetrate a cloud.
The Five and Dime went out to fly one bright and sunny day
And as they taxied past I heard the old Coloriel say
The Five and Dime is gonna1 fly, I've got a right to sweat
They auger in a booger up-1'11 loose my eagles yet.
Chorus? What a bunch of meatheads! What a bunch of schmoos!
The PAF and Navy can stay, but they have to go!
A LOST FIGHTER PILOT 246
(Tune- The Wiffenpoof Song)
In the sky at angels 40
In a thunderstorm so black
Sat a pilot in his delta Dagger Jet
Now his engine was a'chuggin and he thought the end was near
But he didn't want to buy the farm just yet
Now his TACAN wasn't pointing and his radar set was bent
And the fuel in his tanks was going fast
So he pressed the black mike botton and breathed into the air
MAXDAY-MAYDAY-RAISOR-RAISOR save my ass.
I'm a poor fighter pilot on a cross-country, S-O-S
That I'm lost you can plainly see, S-O-S
It's so lonely way up here
Just get me back and I'll buy the beer
S-O-S.
DOWN IN THE VALLEY 247
The first time I saw her she was all dressed in white,
All in white, all in white, my God, her cunt was tight,
Down in the valley, where she followed me.
The next time I saw her she was all dressed in brown,
All in brown, all in brown, I took her nickers down,
Down in the valley where she followed me.
The next tiiae I saw her she was all dressed in green,
All in green, all in green, I filled her soup tureen,
Down in the valley, where she followed me.
The next time I saw her she was all dressed in fawn,
All in fawn, all in fawn, two little bastards born,
Down in the valley where she followed me>
The next time I saw her she was all dressed in red,
All in red, all in red, two little bastards dead,
Down in the valley were she followed me.
The next time I saw her she was all dressed in black
All in black, all in black, boards nailed across her crack,
Down in the valley where she followed me.
KHARTOUM 248
There1 s bags of batchy airmen, waydown in the sunny Soudan
Where everyone is batch and sofs the fucking old Man
There's bags and bags of bullshit, saluting on the square
And when we're not saluting we're up in the fucking air.
Wefre leaving Khartorm by the light of the moon
We travel by night and by day
As we pass Kasfereit, we'll have fuck all to eat
'Cause we've thrown all our rations away.
Shire, Shire, Somersetshire,
The skipper looks on her with pride
He'd have a bjlfue fit if he saw any shit
On the side of the Somersetshire.
This is my story, this is my song,
I've been in this Air Force too fucking long
So bring on the Rodney, the nelson, renown
They can't bring the Hood, 'cause the fuckers goi^ down
Tooralay, Tooralay,
Oh, we'll fuck all the SPs who come down our way.
MT GRANDFATHERS COCK 249
My Grandfather's cock was too long for his slacks
So it drug niney years on the floor
It was longer by half than the old man himself
Though it weighed no a pennyweight more
It was found on the morn of bhe day that he was born
And was always his pleasure and pride
But it drooped, wilted, nerer to rise again
When the old man died
Ninety years without limbering
What a cock, what a cofck!
His pieces of ass numbering
What a cock, what a cock!
But it drooped, wilted never to rise again
When the old man died.
m FAMILY 250
Have you met my Uncle Hector
He's a cock and ball inspector
At a celebrated English public school
And my brother sells French letters
And a patent cure for wetters
We're not the best of familys, aint it cruel?
Jfy little sister lily, is a whore on Piceadilly
My mother is another on the Strand,
My father hawks his arse=hole
Round the Elephant and Castle,
We're the finest fuckin family in the land.
MT FAMXLT (Conft) 250
Therefs a gentlemenfs convenience
A short way down the Strand
And the Ladies is a little further on
For a penny on deposit, you can sit upon the closet
But a season's ticket costs you half a crown.
BRITISH GRENADIERS 251
Some die of diabetes, and dome of diarrhoea,
Some die of drinking whisky and some of drinking beer
But of all the world's diseases there's none that can compare
With the drip, drip, drip, from the end of your prick
Of the British Gonorrhea,
RO-TIDDLE-EE-0 252
Oh Mr Fisherman, home from the sea
Have you any lobsters you can sell to me.
Chorus: Singing Ro-tiddle-ee-o, shit or bust,
Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust.
"Yes" said the fishermen I have two,
The biggest of the bastards I will sell toyou
I wrapped the lobster up and I took the bastards home
I showed it to the missus but she was on the phone.
I opened up the fridge but I couldn't find a dish,
So I put it in the place where the missus has a piss,
Now half-way through the night as you must know
The missus got up to have a so-and-so.
Now the missus gave a squeal and the missus gave a grunt
When the silly fucking lobster bit her on the cunt.
Now I picked up a mop and the missus grabbed a broom.
And we chased that fucking lobster all around the room.
Now we hit fch on the head and we hit it on the side
We hit that fucking lobster till the bastard died.
There's a moral to this story and the moral is this,
Always have a shufty before you have a piss.
That's the end of this story and there isn't any more
There's an apple up my arse-hole, you can have the core.
ROLL ME OVER 253
Now this number one, and the song has just begun,
Now this is number two, and he's got me in a stew,
Now this is number three, and his hand is on my knee
Now this is number four, and hefs got me on the floor
Now this is number five, and his hand is on my thight,
Chorus: Rollme over lay me down and do it again,
Roll me over in the clover,
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again,
Now this is number six, and hefs got me in a fix
Now this is number seven, and I think I am in heaven
Now this is number eight, and the doctor's at the gate,
Now this is number nine, and the twins are doing fine
Now this is number ten, and he's started once again,
I WANT TO PLAT PIANO IN A WHOREHOUSE 254
I want to play piano in a whorehouse
That is my one desire
Some may be bankers or ranchers out in Bujbte
I just want to play in a house of ill reprite
Tou may laugh at this my humble advocation
But carnal copulation is here to stay
I don't want fame or riches
I just want to play for those old bitches
I want to play piano in a whorehouse,
BLOODY SPARROW 255
There once was bloody sparro, what lived up bloody spout
Along came bloody rainstorm and washed that feugger out
Along came bloody sparrow hawk, and spied him in his snuggery
"E sharpened up his beak and claws, and chewed him up to buggery
Along came bloody spwting type, complete with bloody gun
He shot that bloody sparrow hawk, right up his bloody bung
The moral of this story, so plain to everyone
That them that lives up bloody sputs
Don't have much bloody fun,
OH JOHNNY 256
Oh, Johnny, Oh, Johnny, Look what you've got
Oh, Johnny, Oh, 'Johnny, I'll tell my mum,
You've put me in the family way,
Whatever will my daddy say,
Oh, Johnny, Oh, Johnny, I'm six months gone,
Three more months to go,
If you value your life, you will make me your wife
Oh, Johnny, Oh, Johnny, OH,
CATS ON THE ROOF TOPS (JOHN PEEL) 257
CHORUS: Cats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles,
Cats with the syphilis, the clap and the piles,
Cats with their arse-holes wreathed in smiles,
As they revel in the joys of copulation*
The donkey is a solitary moke
He very seldom gets a poke
But when he does, he comes in streams
As he revels. . .
Hippopotamus so it seems
Very seldom has wet dreams
But when he does, he comes in streams
As he revels.....
Poor old bovine, poor old btill
Very seldom gets a pull
But when he does, the cow is full
As he revels......
Poor little tortoise in his shell
Doesn't manage very well
But when he does he fucks like hell
As he revels.......
Now the hairy old gorrilla is a sedentary ape
Who very seldom does much rape
But when he does he comes like tape
As he revels.....
Bow-legged women shit like goats
Bald headed men all fuck like stoats
While the congregation sits and gloats
And revels in.......
Now I met a girl and she was a dear
But she gave me a dose of gonorrhea
Fools ruch in where angels fear
To revel......
Do you ken John Peel with his coat so gay
He's a dirty old sod so all men say
For he can't toss off in the normal way
So his hounds lick his horn in the momiing
When you wake up in the morning and you're feeling full of joy
And your wife isn't willing and your daughter isn't coy
Then you've got to use the arse-hole of you> eldest boy
As you revel........
When you wake up in the morning with a ten inch stand
And there isn't any woman in the whole of the land
Then there's nothing for it but to use your hand
An you revel in the joys of copulation.
ANGELES POH-FOM SONG 258
(Tune- Eton and Coca-Cola)
Have you ever been in the Philipines
The place is full of Pom-pcm queens
The clap is bad, but the syph is worse
So flub your dub for safety first
Chorus: Singing rum and coca cola, come down to old Angeles
Both mother and daughter, working for the GI dollar
The women with their dirty feet
Walk up and down Angeles street
They come up close and whisper low
"How about a little pom-pom, Joe"
The Philippines pimp is very smart
He gets his dough before you start
The pom-pom there is very nice
But twenty pesos is a helluva price
DINAH 259
We've been working on the railroad,
All the live long day,
Wefve been working on the railroad,
Just to pass the time away
Ean't you here the whisle blowing,
At night or early in the morn,
Can't you hear the whistle blowing
Oh, Dinah blow your horn,
Dinah, won't you blow, Dinah won't you blow
Dinah won't you blow your hor-or-orn,
Dinah, won't you blow, Dinah, won't you blow,
Dinah, won't you blow your horn*
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah,
Someones's in the kitchen I know, I know
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah
Strumming on the old banjoe0
Singing fee-fi-fiddle-E-I-0
Fee-Fi- Fiddle-E-I-O-I-0-0
Fee-Fi-Fiddle_E-IQ
Strumming on the old banjoe9
THE SHIEK OF ARABT 260
I'm the shiek of Araby, Your heart belongsXo me
At night when you're asleep, Into your tent I'll creep
The stars that shine above, Will light our way to love
Oh rule this land with me, I'm the shiek of Araby.
DEAR OLD DAD 261
I want a beer
Just like the beer
That pickled dear old dad
It was a beer
And the only beer
That daddy ever had
A good old fashioned beer
With lots of foam
Took tern men to carry daddy home
I want a beer
Just like the beer
That pickled my old dad.
MY RED HAVEN 262
When whip-poor-wills call
And evening is nigh
I hurry to my red haven
A turn to the right
A little red light
Will lead you to my red haven
You'll see a smiling face on the pillow case
A form devine
A little ole W_______whos been S--■-----before a million times
Just Mollie and me
There'll never be three
We're careful in our red haven.
RAMEY AIR PATCH 263
It was tough in old Manila nila nila
It was rough in Tokyo
But this G___ D_____ Puerto Rico Rico Rico
Is the toughest place I know
You can go to Ramey Air Patch, Air Patch, Air Patch
Any hour of any day
You can watch the Thirty-sixes, sixes, sixes
As they crash into the bay.
You can take these coral beaches, beaches, beaches
You can take this waving grass
You can take this Puerjbo Rico, Rico, Rico
And to that I'll raise my glass.
DAISY 264
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy all for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet, upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two.
DAISY (Conft)
Tony, Tony, here is your answer time
I'm not cra«y all for the love of you
There won't be a stylish marriage
Till you can afford a carriage
And I'll be damned
If I'll be crammed
On a bicycle built for two.
THE DAMN DUHMT 265
Tou take the leg form some old table
Tou take the arm from some old chair
Tou take the neck from some old bottle
And from a horse you take some hair.
Now you put them all together
With the aid of string and glue
And I'll get more lovin' from that g__ d____ dummy
Than I ever get from you,
THERE IS NOTHING LIKE SOME___________ 266
We get beer in nine ofunce glasses
We get cigarettes in tins
We get drunk each Friday evening
We get headaches for out sins
We get CB from the OC
When he gets back all our cheques
What don't we get
We don't get___________________
Pilots need some recreation
When hard flying has been done
And what better recreation
Than a spot of harmless fun
We forsake our bullshit castle
For a spot thats marked XX
What do we want
We all want __ _________________
Ghorus: There is nothing like some____________
Nothing in ihis world
Though it's perfectly complex
There is nothing like some ______________
Some girls like to cling and say, Oh Brother
Unfortunately most girls scream for MOTHER!
Now we've studied Dr Kinsey
And we've read his latest book
But we think that his conclusions
Are a little bit mistook
For he seems to think that passion
THER IS NOTHING LIKE SOME_____ (Con't)
Is a secondary reflex
Why don't they teach the poor Juan________________
Just when the learned doctor
Appears to have left some important
But unmentionable things unsaid
Once again it rears it?s ugly head.
ANTHONY ROLT 267
A is for arse-holes, all covered in shit
Hey Ho says $bly (Chorus)
And B is for bugger who revels in it
With a Roly Poly, gammon and spinach
Hey Ho for Anthony Roly, (Chorus)
1 Cs for cunt, all dripping in piss,
And D for the drunkard who gave it a kiss
2 Efs for the eunuch with only one ball,
And F for the fucker with no ball at all
3 G is for goitre, gonnerrhea and gout
Aqd H is for harlot who dishes out
4 I is for injection for syphilis and itch
And J is for jump of a dog on a bitch
5. K is for king who shot on the floor
And L is for lousy, licentious whore.
6. M is for maidenhead, tattered and torn,
And N is for Nancy whose ars-hole is worn
7 0 is for orifice, already revealed
P is for penis ready unpeeled
8. Q is for quaker who shot in his hat
And R is the rodger who rodgered the cat.
9. Sis for shit-pit full to the brim
And T is the turd that is floating therein.
10. U is the usher who taught in the school
And ? is the virgin who playd with his tool
11. W is for the whore who thinks fuckings a farce
And X, Y and Z you can stick up your arse.
SONG OP THE SABRES 268
I looked upon the schedule and was happy as a king
For once I had a mission that I wasn't flying wing
I went down to the briefing room and my tiger blood went ping
For there sat Col. Joe McSchmoe and they had me on his wing
For there sat Col. Joe McSchmoe and they ^ad me on his wing.
The mission was all briefed to go at quarter after nine
Gabby had given us all the poop, the weather it was fine
"One word of advice, "he daid to us, "though I hate to spoil your
fun
"Stay out form in fromnt of that MIG 15, itfs got too big a gun."
"Stay out from in foont ©f that Mig If, it's got too big a gun.?
SONG OF THE SABRES (Conft)
We were augerin' around away up there as watchful as could be
Red leader said, "Take a look at six and see what you can see"
I took a look at six of clock and much to my surprise,
I discovered a BOOM BOOM BOOM right before my eyes*
I discovered a BOOM BOOM BOOM right before my eyes.
The cannon balls were flying around as thick as they could be*
I took one look and said, says I, this ain't no place for me.
I rolled it over and sucked it through and took it down below.
Sayin' get out of here with that BOOM BOOM BOOM and don't come
back $o mof •
Sayinf get out of here with that BOOM BOOM BOOM and don't come
back no mo'o
I shoved the throttle to the wall a'running for my life.
Red leader said, "Come back here, you coward, and join in the
strife".
"You an -", I said with quaking voice, "this ain't no place for
ME".
So I racked it up and pulled it around and took it out to seq.
So I racked it up and pulled it around and took it out to sea.
I took a hit upon the wing, another in the tail
The way that Sabre was bucking around, I'd surely have to bail,
I reached into the cockpit and pulled the handle red,
If I hadn't gooten out of that flaming wreck, I'd surely wound up
dead.
If I hadn't gotten out of that flaming wreck, I'd surely wound up
dead.
The moral of this story is, if you're ever in a fight,
And you've got a MIG at six o'clock, and he's all tucked in tight
Don't ever roll out or pull it up, that is ay advice to you.
Cause you'll never get rid of that SOB not matter what you do.
Cause you'll never get rid of that SOB not matter w^at you do.
LAST SATURDAY NIGHT 269
When I came home last Saturday night as drunk as I could be
I saw a hat upon the rack, where my hat ought to be*
I daid to my darling wifey "Now tell all of it to me."
Who owns that hat upon the rack, where my hat ought to be."
She said, "You're blind, you're drunk, you silly old cunt
You're blind and cannot see.
For that is a basin that you're mother gave to me
In all my worldly travels^; ten th^tiiWiid miles or more,
I've never seen a basin with a hat band on before,
I saw a coat upon the bed.00.
"For that is a blanket that your mother gave to me"
I've never seen a blanket with brass buttons on before.
I saw a head beside the head**..
"For that is a turnip that your mother gavq to me".
"Uve never seen a turnip with a mustache on before."
I saw a thing beside the thing....
"For that is a foiling pin your mother gave to me"
I've never seen a rolling pin with balls on it before
I saw a bum beside a bum
"For that's the dear young baby yourseldT you gave to me"
I've never seen a baby's bum with marts on it before.
THE MARRHNG KIND 270
If I were a marrying maid, which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed, would be a Rugby fullback sir,
For he'd find touch, and I'd find touch,
We'd both find touch, together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Finding touch together♦
A wing three-quarter------------He'd go fast
A center three-quarter-----------He'd go straight
A stand off half—----——-—-He'd go through
A Rugby scrun half---------•------He'd put it in
A rugby loose forward-*---------—He'd break fast
A second row forward------------—He'd bind tight
A front row forward--------------He'd pujsh hard
A rugby referee----—-------------He'd blow hard
A rugby linesman----—■-----------He'd put it up
A rugby spectator------
For hegd clap, clap
And I'd clap, clap
We'd both clap, clap together
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, Together,
THE PORTIONS OF A WOMAN 271
The portions of a woman that appeal to man's depravity,
Are fashioned with considerable care
And what at first appeaxis to be a harmless little cavity
Is really an eleborate affair•
Doctors of distinction have examined the abdomena
Of various experimental dimes
And have listed the eonqsorients of these womanly phenamena
And given them most charming Latin names ♦
There's the clitoris, the vagina, the vulva, perineum,
And the hymen in the case of certain brides,
Delightful small devices you would love if you could see 'em,
There's a hundred other little things besides.
Isn?t it a pity then, that when we poor men chatter
Upon the things to wich I have referred
We use for what is really a most cosaplicated matter
Such a short and unattractive little wordc
THE PORTIONS OF A WOMAN (Con't)
The Reply
The erudite authorities who study the geography
Of these remote but interesting lands
Are able to indulge their taste for intimate topography
And view the scenic details close at hand.
But while we lesser mortals are aware of the existence
Of mysteries beneath the public knoll
We're normally contented to survey them at a distance
And treat them, roughly speaking, as a (w) hole.
But when we are confronted with some morsel of virginity
We exercise a gentle sense of touch
We do not cloak the matter in meticulous Latinity
But call the whole affair a such and such.
Men have made this useful but inelegant commodity
The subject of inumerable jibes,
And while the name we call it by is something of an oddity
It seems to fit the subject it describes.
THREE OLD MAIDS 272
This first lady's name was Elisabeth Porter
She was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
Who went to get rid of some old virgin water
And nobody knew she was there.
Chorus;:
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Three old maids were locked in the lavatory,
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobod^r knew they were there.
The second ladyf@ name was Elizabeth Humphery
Who went for a pee and could not get her bum free
She said "Oh dear, this is really quite comfy"
Nobody knew she was there0
The third ladyfs name was elisabeth Bender
Who went to adjust a~br@ken suspender
And got it mixed up with her feminine gender
And nobody knew she was there.
THE MONK 273
There lived a monk of great renown
There lived a monk of great renown
There lived a monk of great renown
And he fucked all the women all over town,
Chorus: The old sod, the old sod, the dirty old bastard,
The bugger deserved to die, Fuck:
Let us pray - Glory, glory, Halleluja.
He took them to his lily white bed (3 Times)
Ini fucked them all till they were deado
fflne dayhe met a maiden fair, (3)
And he lured her up into his lair0
He took her to his marble halls (3)
And showed her is prick and his bloody great balls.
He laid her on his wily white bed (3)
And fucked the girl till she was deado
The other monks all cried "For shame" (3)
They took up a knife and cut off his fame.
But on that ressurection morn (3)
The dirty old bugger had still got a horn*
And so that monk has gone to hell (3)
And we*^ heard that he9a fucking the devil as well.
THE MAYOR OF BAISWATER 274
The l&yor of Bayswater?s got a whore for a daughter
And the hairs of her Micky di~do hang down to her knee.
I know cause I8ve seen them, Pve been up and in between them
The hairs of her Micky di-do hang down to her knees.
One black one, one white one, and one with a bit of shit on
The hairs of her Micky di-d© hang down to her knees.
And if I should court her, I'd have *em cut shorter
The hairs of her Micky di-do hang down to her knees 0
FUNICULI - FUNICULI 275
Last night, I pulled rt^- put, I thought I would, to do me good
Last night I used the long stroke, I used the short stroke,
I used my hand, Twas simply grand
Smach it, crash it, bash it on the floor
Heave it, squeeze it, jam it in the door
Some folks stick to buggery, and some think fucking is grand
But for personal enjoyment, I shall always use my hand.
RICK! DAN DO G 2?6
As I was -walking down the street
A fair youg maid I chanced to meet
She said Hello how do you do
Would yon like to |0.ay with my Ricky Dan Do.
Your Ricky Dan Do I said whats that.
Itfs soft and smooth li£e a pussy cat
Hairs all round and split in two
Thatfs what I call my Ricky dan Do.
She took me to her father's cellar
She said to me You're a Tery nice feller
She gave me wine and shisky too
And I played all night with her Ricky Dan Do.
&er father came and her father said
"You've gone and lost your maiden head
So pack your grip and baggage too
And earn your living with your Ricky Dan do.
She went to town to be a whore
She hung this notice outside her door
Ten dollars down no less will do
If you want to play with fry Ricky Dan Do.
There cam® a policeman up to her door
Show me your licesnce to be a whore
I have no licence telljrou wtiat I'll do
I'll let you play with play with m^ Ricky Dan Do.
The boys all came and the boys all went
The price came down to eighteen cents
From sweet sixteen to eight-two
All had a bash at her Ricky Dan Dol
There came a guy, a son of a bitch
Who had the pox and the sailor's itch,
He had blue balls and shankers too
And he played all night with her Ricky Dan Dol
And the Ricky Dan Do now is badly worn
The Ricky Dan Do is tattered and torn,
The Ricky Dan Do now is up the kite
To the Ricky Dan Do We'll sy "Goodnight11
F-84 PILOTS BATTLE CET 277
The Red Nose Migs are coming
Not a Sabre in sight
The Red Nose Migs are coming
And they want to fight
Let's HURRY HURRY HURRY HOME.
WIRRAWAYS DON'T BOTHER ME 278
Wirraways don't worry me, Wirraways don't worry mo
Oil burning bastards with flaps on their wings
With buggered tip pistons and buggered up rings
The bomb load is so fucking small
Three fifths of five eights of fuck all
There's such a commotion out over the ocean
So cheer up my lads, fuck 'em all.
They say that the Japs have a very fine kite,
That we're no longer in doubt,
When there's a Zero way out on your tail,
This is the way to get out*.,
Be cool and collected, be calm and serene
Don't let your Britich blood boil
Don't hesitate shove her right through the gate
And drown the poor bastard in oil.
DARK AND DREAMT EXES 279
A few old whores of Portsn&th town
Were drinking Spanish wine,
This gist of the conversation was,
"Is your cunt bigger than mine".
Then up there spake the fisherman's Jdfe
And she was dressed in black
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a fishing smack
She had a fishing smack, te^ boys,
The sodlings and the dabs
And in the other corner
She'd a shocking dose of crabs.
Chorus: She had those dark and dreamy eyes
And a Whisz-bang up her jacksey
She was one of the flash-eyed hores
One of the old brigade.
Then up there spake the brewer's wife
And she was dressed in grey
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a brewer's dray
She had a brewer ^s dray, my boys
A thing just like a truck,
And in the other corner
She'd the remains of last night's fuck.
Then up there spake the sailor's wife,
And she was dressed in blue
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a life-baat's crew
She had a life-boat's crew, my boys,
The rowlocks and the oars,
And in the other corner
The Marines were forming fours.
DARK AHD DREAMT EXES (Conft)
Then up there spake the cricketer's wife,
And she was dressed in vermillion
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had the Lords Pavilion
She had the Lords Pavilion, boys
A social sort of joint
And in the other corner
There was Hobbs at cover poftnt.
Then up thera spake the barman's wife
And she w&& dressed in yellow
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had feh© whole wine cellar
She had the whole wine cellar
With barrels full of beer
And in the other corner
She had ?ox and Gonorrhea .
Then up there spake the airman's wife
And she was dressed in beige
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a handly-page
She had a Hnadly-Page, my boys
With a joy stick and its knowb
And in the other corner
Were two airmen on the job.
. Then up there spake the actor's wife
Who was also dressed in beige,
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had a Windmill stage
She had the windmill stage, my boys
The gallery and the stalls
And in the other corner
She had G B Cockrane's balls.
And then up spake the pilot's wife
And she was dressed in chrome
And in one corner of her ufnny little thing
She had the aerodrome
She had the aerodrome, my boys
The bombers and the troops,
And in the other corner
There Wimpys Looping Loops.
Then up up spake the ops room girl,
She was a little WAF
And in one corner of her funny little thing
She had the Ops r©@m staff
She had the Ops roan staff, my boys
All fucking there like hell
And in the other corner
Sh'd the signals staff as well.
THET CALLED THE BASTARD STEPHENS 280
A maid sat in a mountain glen
Seducing herself with a fountain pen
The capsule broke, the ink ran wild
And she gave birth to a blue-black child*
And they called the bastard Stephens (3 times)
'Cause he was a blue-black child.
. -.- No matter how nor where no when
Use Stephens Ink in your fountain Pen.
IN MOBILE 281
There's a shortage of good whores, in Mobile (3 Times)
But there's keyholes in the doors
And there's knot-holes in the floors in Mobile*
There's a blockage of bogs, in Movile (3 Times)
It's a habit of the working classes
When they've finished with their glasses
They just stuff them up their arses, in Mobile.
Oh, the old dun cow is dead, in Mobile, (3)
But the children must be fed
So we'll milk the bull instead, in Mobile.
Oh the eagles they fly high, in Mobile (3)
And they shit right in your eye
So thank God the cows don't fly, in Mobile.
Oh the negroes they grow tall, in Mobile (3)
But they shoot them in the fall
And they eat 'em balls and all, in Mobile.
There's no shortage of good beer, in Mobile.(3)
And they give us damn good cheer
Oh, thank God what we are here, in Mobile.
There's a lovely girl called Dinah, in Mobile (3)
For a fuck there is no finer
'Cause she's got the best Vagina, in Mobile.
There's a man called Lanky Danny, in Mobile (3)
And his instict is uncanny
When he's fingering a fanny, in Mobile.
Thereis a tavern in the town, in Mobile (3)
Where for half a fucking crown
You can get a bit of brown, in Mobile.
Oh, the girls all wear tin pants in Mobile (3)
But they take them off to dance
Just to give the boys a chance, in Mobile.
IN MOBILE (Con't)
There8s excess of copulation, in Mobile (3)
They relax for stimulation
On mutal masterbation, in Mobile
The CO is a bugger, in Mobile, (3)
And the adj, he is another
So they bugger one another in Mobile,
HEADQUABTERS 282
TAG Headquarters, thats the spot
Twelve full Colonels, thats a lot
Twice as many Generals too
TAG Headquarters is the place for you,
AFTER THE MISSION'S OVER 283
After the mission's over
After we all get back
We get interrogated
Where did you see the flak?
How were the Jerry fighters?
What time was the tally-ho?
Have you any bitches?
If not, you may goc
We like P-47
We think they handle swell
We like to fly formation
We're all as nuts as hell,
We like the fighter peal-off
It will kill us all some day*
Land in 15 seconds
Or the colonel will have to say
(Any name), you straggled all day.
(Any name), used poor techinque,
(Any name), You had your head up*
We'll have a short critique
You missed the land fall-in (any name)
(Any name), you will report
Why, with only one wing off
You had to abortc
AIR CORPS LAMENT 284
(Tun©- Battle Ifymn of the Republic)
Mine eye© have seen the days of men who rulled the fighting skies
With hearts that laughed at death and lived for nqtfhing but to
fly.
But now these hearts are grounded and those days are long gone
by,
The Air Force has gone to HELL!
CHORUS t Glory - - - Flying Regulations have them read at every
station
Crucify the man who breaks them
The Air Force has gone to HELL!
AIR CORPS LAMENT (Con't)
My bones have felt their pounding thump a hundred thousand strong
A mighty airborne legion sent to right the deadly wrong,
But now it* s only memory, it only "lives in song.
The Air Force has gone to HELL!
I have seen them in their T-Bolts when their eyes were dancing
flame
I!ve seen their screaming power dives that blasted Goering's name
But now they fly like sissies and hang their heads in shame
Their spiritsJs shot to HELL!
They flew their rugged Thunder jets through a living hell of
flack
And bloody dying pilots gave their lives to bring them back,
But now they all play Ping Pong in the Operations shack
Their techniques1 have gon to HELL!
Yes, the lordly Boeing Fortress and the Liberators, too,
Once wrote the doom of Germany with contrails in the blue
But now the skies are empty and our planes are wet with dew,
And we can't fly them for HELL!
You heard y&ur pounding 50 8s blasse from wings of polished steel
The purring of your Merlin was a song your heart could feel,
But now the L-5 charms you with its moanin* groanin' squeal,
And it will not climb for HELL!
We were cocky, bold and happy when we played the angel fs gjme,
We split the blue with bussing and we rolled our way to fame,
But now that's all VERBQTEN and we're all so gosh-darn tame,
Our spirits shot to HELL!
One day I bussed an airfield with another reckless chap,
We flew a hot formation with his wingtip in my lap,
But there's a new directive and we'll have no more of that,
Or you will bum in HELL!
Have you ever climbed a lightning up to where the air is thin?
Have you stuck her long nose down just to hear the screaming din?
Have you tried to do it lately?
Better not -- You'll auger in*
And then you'll sure catch HELL!
Mine eyes get dim with tears when I recall the days of old
When pilots took their choice of being old or f,Young and Bold"
Alas, I have no choic and I wiH live to be quite old,
The Air Force has gone to HELL!
But smile awhile w^ pilot, though your eyes may still be wet,
Someday we'll meet in heaven where the rples have not been set,
And God will sh@w us how to bu&s and roll and really let
THE AIR FORCE ELY LIKE HELL!!
FINAL CHORUS % Glory — no more regulations,
Rip them down at every station,
Ground the guy that tries to make one
And Let Us ¥1^ Like HELL!!
BRING THAT BASE-LEG IN 285
(Tune- Pistol Packin1 Mama)
Flying *round the pattern
And was I haveing fun
Until one day I undershot
And now my flying's done0
Chouruss Bring that base-leg in, boys,
Bring that base-leg in,
Space yourself on the forty-five
And bring that base-leg in*
Oh, the pieces flew and the pieces fell
As I slid onto the ground
And all the while the tower yelled,
"Pull up and go around <>"
HERE'S TO THE NEXT MAN TO DIE 286
Betrayed by the Regular Army
Cast off by the Signal Corps,
Signed up for nin months flying
And stayed on for three years more*
Chorus? So stand by your glasses steady
This world is a world of lies,
Here*s a toast to the dead already,
And hurrah for the next man to die*
We looped in the purple sunset
We spun in the silvery dawn
With a trail of black smoke behind us
To show where our comrades have gone0
Echoing through the loir hung rafters,
Resounding feom the walls so bare,
You can hear the tears and laughter
Of the dead, for they really are there*
MY WILD IRISH ROSE 287
My wild Irish Rose
The sweetest flower that grows
You may search everywhere
Bt(t none can compare
With my wild Irish Rose
My wild Irish Rose
The seetest flower that grows
And sane day for sgr sake
She may let me take
The bloom from ngr wild Irish Rose*
LANDLORD, PILL THE FLOWING BOWL 288
Three jolly coachmen sat in an English tavern
Three jolly coachmen sat in an English tavern
There they decided that; there they decided that;
There they decided that they8d have another flagon*
Chorus? Oh, landlord, fill the flowing bowl
Until it doth run over.
Oh, landlord, fill the flowing bowl
Until it doth run over.
For tonight we9U merry, merry be?
For tonight we811 merry, merry, be*
For tonight we811 merry, merry be;
Tomorrow we8H be sober0
Now, the man who drinks light ale and goes to bed quite sober
Now* the man who driaks light ale and goes to bed quite sober;
Fades as the lilly fades, fades as the lilly fades \
Fades as the lilly fadesj he511 die before October!
Chorus %
But the man who drinks stout ale, and goes to bed quite mellow
But the man who drinks stout ale, and goes to bed quite mellow
Lives as he ought to live; lives as he ought to live;
Lives as he ought to live; he911 die a jolly fellow!
Chomis %
Now, the maid who steals a kiss and runs to tell her mother;
Now, the maid who steals a kiss and runs to tell her mother;
Does a very foolish thing; does a very foolish thing;
Does a very foolish thing; she011 nmer get another!
Hhoruss
But the maid who steals a kiss and stays to get another;
But the maid who steals a kiss and stays to get another;
Is a boon to all mankind; is a boon to all mankind;
Is a boon to all mankind; she011 be a fruitful mother!
LAMSIT OF THE RESERYIST 289
(Tune- ligarettes and Whiskey)
I was a civilian and flew one weekends
No sweat about clanks and no sign of the bends
But I am a retread and older I grow
Now I fly a Mustang, its5 old and it3s slow*
'-ChQrus: Sinuiju and Anak, Sinanju and Simmak
They311 drive you cra^y, they; 11 drive you insane
Quad fifties and forties, and one hundred sorties
They* 11 drive you jgggm-
The^llL&lTO: yw- im&ne I
LAMENt OF THE EESEE7IST (Conft)
Oh, onca I was happy and I flew a jet
At 35,000 how fat ©an you get?
They sent me to Nellis for six weeks to trian
They gave me a Mustang, It's no aero-plane•
We strafed and we bombed and we shot air to air
Then off to Korea, we5re fouled up for fair
We came to K-Four-Six to fly with this Group
My haircs- turning gray and my wings have a droop!
I flew w^ firet mission and it was a snap •
Just follow the leader, don*t look at a map
But now I've got eighty and lead a sad flight
Go out on armed recce and can't sleep and night
Went up to Mig Alley, S~2 said no sweat
If I had not looked around, I'd be up thejre yet
Six Migs jumped our----and the leader yealled break
Sixty-one and 3000, how me knees did shake!
If I live through a hundred and they ask for more
Ifll tell them to shove it my — is too sore
They can ram it and jam it for all that I care
Just give me a Wing job, a desk and a chair!
LILI MARLENE 290
Underneath the lamp post by the barracks gate,
Stasiding all alone, every night you'll see her wait,
She waits for the boy who marched away
And though he's gone she hears him say
Oh, promise you'11 be true
Fare the well, Lili Marlene
Till I return to you
Fare thee well, Lili M&rlene0
Underneath the lamp post by the barracks gate
Startling lall alone, every night you'll see her wai£
For. this is the pl&©®~a vow was made
And breezes sing her serenade
Oh, promise you'll be true
Fare thee well, Lili Iferlene
Till I return to you
Fare thee well, Lili Marlene,
Underneath the lamp post by the barracks gate
Standing all alone, every night you'll see her wait
And there in the lamp light it is said
A halo shines above her head
Oh, promise you911 be true
Fare thee well, Ldlil Marlene, till I return to you
Fare the well, Lili Marlene0
LUI MARLEHE (Gonft)
Underneath the lamp post by the barracks gate
Standing all alone, every night you*11 see her wait
And as t&ey go marching to the fray
The soldiers all salute and say
We11!! tell him you*ve been true
Fare the well, lili Marlene
TiH I return t© you
Fare thee well, lili Iferi^ne*
IOTLAimJWIITiaiIISR 291
Way out in Eeno, Nevada
Where rcmanee blocms and fades,
A great Philadelphia lawyer
Was in love with a Hollywood maido
Come love and we will wander
Out where"the lights are bright
I911 win you a divorce Jfecaryou husband
And we @&n get married tonight „
Now bill wag a gun-toting cowboy
Teh:-notches were carved on his gun
And all the boys around Reno
Left Wild Bill8s maiden alone*
One night when he was returning
From riding the rang® in the oold
He dreamed of his Hollywood sweetheart
Her love was lasting as goldo
A® he drew near her window
A shadow he saw on the shade0
fTwas the great Philadelphia lawyer
Making: love to his Hollywood maido
The night was as still as the desert
The moon was vright overhead,
Bill,-listened awhile to the lawyer,
He.oouid he^r every word that he said0
flYour hands are so pretty and lovely,
Tour form so rare and divine,
Ccoe.-g® with me to the city
And leave this wild oowboy behind*
Now baok in old Pennsylvania
Among the beautiful pines,
There°s one less Philadelphia lawyer
In old Philadelphia tonight*
ROLLING DOWN THE RUNWAY 292
Rolling down the runway at nine(ty-eight percent,
The colonel cut his throttle,
My God, I was hell bent,
I pull off to the left,
And bounced into the boon docks,
Glory, GLory Halleluja, what a bunch of "Rofeks".
Chorus: Oh, Halleluja, Oh, Halleluja,
Throw a nickel on the grass, save a fighter pilotfs life*
Oh, Halleluja, Oh, Halleluja,
Threw a nickel on the grass and you'll be saved*
I threw my throttle forward
Up to a hundred mad one
I bounced off the runway lights after the damage was done,
I pulled back on the stick and ricocheted some more
Glory, Glory, what "goat" even at full bore,
I then pulled up my gear,
The cockpit filled with smoke
My wingman passed me by,
My God, it was no joke0
He then looked over at me
And saw a great long tear*
Glory, Glory, Halleluja, how did I get there?
I then came in for landing
Just after it started to rain,
And there sat Flying Safety with a gash-darn ball and chain,
They sent me before the board,
And gave me the works,
Glory, Glory Halleluja, what a bunch of jerks •
THE GOWBOYfS LAMENT 293
As I walked out on the streets of Laredo,
As.I walked out in Laredo one day,
I spied a cowpuncher all wrapped up in white linen
A?l wrapped in white linen as cold as the clay.
0, beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly,
Play the dead march as you carrj me along,
Take me to the valley, there lay the sod o*er me
For Ifm a young cowboy and I know Pve done wrong,
I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy
These words he did say as I slowly stepped by
Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story
I'm shot in the breast and I know I must die*
It was once in the saddle I used to go dashing,
Once in the saddle I used, to g$ gay
Then I first took to drinking and then took to gambling
Got shot in the breast and I*m dying today*
THE COWBOT'S LAMENT (Con't)
Let sixteen gamblers come carry niy coffin
Let six pretty maidens come sing me a song
Take me to the graveyard, there roll the sod o'er me
For I'm a young cowboy and I know I've done wrong,
We beat the drum slowly and played the fife lowly
And bitterly wept as w© bore him along
For we all loved our comrade s© brave, young, and handsome,
W© all loved oar comrade altho* hegd done wrong •
THE FOGGT, FOGGY DEW 294
When 1 was a bachelor, I lived all alone
I worked at the weaver's trade
And the only, only thing that I did that was wrong,
Was to woo a fair young maid
I wooed her in the wintertime,
Part of the stammer too
And the only, only thing that I did that was wrong,
Was to keep her form the foggy, foggy dew0
One night she knelt close by my side,
When I was fast asleep,
She threw her arms abound rsy neck
And then began to weep
She sept, she cried, she damned near died,
Ah, me, what could I do
So all night long I held her in ngr arms,
Just to keep her from the foggy, foggy dew*
Again I9m a bachelor, I live with w^ son,
We .work, at the weaver *s trade
And. every single time I look into his eyes
He reminds m© of that fair young maid
He riminds me of the wintertime
Bart @£ the summer to©
And of the many, many times that I held her in my arms
Just to keep her from the £oggy, foggy dewc
THE FOUR BASTARDS 295
lo I9m a Democratic figure in these autocratic States
A Pathetic Demonstration of heriditary traits
As the daughters of the bakers baked the most delicious breads,
As the sons of Casanova filled the most exclusive beds
As the Rossesvelts and B&rrymores — and others I could name
Inherited their talents which perpetuate their fame
My position in the structure of Society I owe,
To those little qualities njy parents bequeathed me long ago
Now my father was a traveling man and musical to boot
H© used t© play piano in the House of ill-repute
Where the Madam was a lady and credit to her cult
She enjoyed w& Daddy °s playing and I was the result
So my maismy and r^r pappy are the ones I have to thank
That I grew up to BE PRESIDENT of the City National Bank!
THE FOUR BASTARDS (Con't)
II. In a cozy little farmhouse in a cozy little Dell
A dear old fashoined father and his daughter used to dwell
She was sweet, she was gentle, she was tender, she was mild
But her sympathies were such that she was frequently with child •
Now the hired man was a favorite with the gal's in Mammy1 s set
And the traveling man from Scranton was an eveiwaoney bet.
For such were mammy 9s morals — and such was her alure
That even Roger Babson wasn't very sure.
When she was feeling gloomy I could always make her grin,
By childishly inquireing who my papy might have been*
So I took my mammy °s morals and I took my pappy1 s crust,
And they appointed me head of a huge investment trust.
III. In a coiy Utile chain gang on a dusty southern road
My late lamented papp$* has his permanent abode
Now some were there for stealing, but my pappy* s only fault
Was an overwhelming weakness for criminal assault
His philosopy was simple and free from moral tape,
Seduction is for sissies, but a He-man has his rape
And tho pappy ?s list of victims was incredibly rich
And mammy she was one of them, he°d never tell me which.
Now I never went to college, but I got me a degree
I reckon I'm the model of a perfect SOB
I9m a debit to my country, but Pm a credit to my Dad
I'm the most expensive SENATOR this nation ever had.
IV. I'm an autocratic figure in these deomocratic states
A pathetic demonstration of hereditary traits,
As the daughters of policement have the largest feet
As the daughter of the floogie has a wiggle to ker seat
My position at the Bottom of society I owe
T^> those little qualities my parents bequeathed me long ago
Now my father her was a married man and (what is even more
He was married to my Mother, a fact which I deplore
I wag born in holy wedlock, consequently by — and by
I was rooked by every bastard with plunder in his eye
8 I invested, I deposited, I voted every fall —-
And if I had a nickel the bastards took it all
But at last I°ve learned my lesson and I'm on the proper track
Pm a self-appointed bastard, and I'm out to get it back.
THROTTLE BENDER 296
(Tune- McNamara's Band)
Mfcr name is Throttle Bender,
I'm the leader of the ^gangj
I burned up lots vof engines,
But I don't give a hang
To me full bo^e is normal cruise,
Cause I don't give a darn
My boys never can catch me
They've got a lot to learnc
TIffiOTTLE BENDER (Con't)
Chorum We are the boys from I&aasuki,
We are the boys from Itazook,
We ate the boys from Itazuki
We fly with the _________Group*
My name is Throttle Bender
I°m the leader of the Group
I always cause oonfusion
But I don8t give a hooto
I climb too slow, I dive too fast
I pull excessive G9s
I know my boys are following
1 hear their knocking knees0
My name is Throttle Bender,
Icm the leader of the Wing,
I haven *t led a group in y#ars
So I don8t know a thing
About the wing formation, beys,
That I am going to leads
But I*m the wing C<oraander
So there really is no needo
No if you1 lead a flight, boys,
Or if you lead a Groups
Lend an ear and you will hear
The-latest kind of poop0
From ToKeeyo to Sai&m@go
You* 11 hear the boys all say,
The leader bent the throttle, so
I had a rough day today *
WALTZING MATILDA 297
Once a jolly swagnsan ©amped by the brill-along
Under the shade of a ©oolibah tree,
And h© sang as he sat and waited till his billy boiledj
You511. come a-waltaing Matilda with me0
CHORUS Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda,
You0!! @©me a-walt&ing Matilda with me0
And he sang as he sat and waited till his billy boiled
You011 ©ome a~walteing Matilda with me*
Down came.a jumbu@k to drink at the billalong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee
And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag
You911 come a-waltsing Matilda with me0
Up rode a squater mounted on his thoroughbred,
Up rod© his troops, one, two, thrae
Where9g that jolly jumbude, you?ve got in your tucker bag?
You?U come &<=walteing Matilda with me0
WALTZING MATILDA (Con't)
Up jumped the swagman, sprang into the brillalong
You111 never catch me alive said he
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the brillalong
You'll come a-waltasing Matilda with me.
It is sad, but true, that sooner or later, most Fighter Pilots
find themselves shafted out of a Squadron, and into that oft
cursed orginassation called Air Base Group. This song is for
them to sing to their former friends.
Tune —SAVE A FIGHTER PILOTS ASS
Pilots, gentle Pilots, pilots one and all
Fly boys, flashy fly boys, please listen to our call
Bu2B$ boys, busy Bum boys, this is all we ask
Take those Goddamn Sabre Jets and shove them up your ass.
Chorus °. Sing Halieluia, Sing Halleluia
Stick your finger up your ass, join the fighter pilot class
Sing Halleluia, Sing Halleluia
Stick your finger up your ass and flap your wings.
Who feeds the sons of bitches and clothes their scrawny backs
Who guards their goddamn airplanes and heats their fucking shacks
Who gives them light and water, not Kimpo Power and Gas
If/they don't like the service they can blow it otit* their ass.
TOY to Tsuiki, went the Sabre Daiice
Saw a Sukoshi pilot get a Josans pants
It cost him thirty dollars for just a little feel
Along came an Air Base Group man who got it for a steal.
Jet Jocks are the hot shots, we'll tell you one and all
And when it comes to shooting, they5re really on the ball
They had a little contest to prove who was the first
But when the score was counted they ended up the worst.
You see these flashy Jet Boys, climb from their shiny hacks
With moon suits and silly jock straps a hanging frem their backs
They sing the praise of Sammy Small with wild and side aclaim
Just Fighter Pilots*—Pilots, without a fucking brain.
They spin their yaras of Air Way, by pilots brave and fair
Eighty percent is bull-shit, and twenty more is air
We hear that theyre* by far the best and that we'd better believe
But where in the Hell would the fly boys be
If the Air Base Group should leave.
The squawk box screams of flak holes and tanks all out of gas
Of takusan MIG?s and bandits a playing on their ass
They git their bloomin balls shot off but still they brag of it
With one accord we* 11 tell the world, They Canft Fly For SHIT.
THE END
THE THANH HOA BRIDGE 298
(Tune: The Strawberry Roan)
I was hanging around Ops in this sweaty grime,
Just cussin1 the shcedule and my lack of time
When up walks this Colonel and and says, I suppose
You1re a trained killer by the looks of your clothers.
Well I looked him once and I looked him down twice.
I could tell my his sneer he weren't thinkin' nice.
So I said in a voice that shook with the fear,
I!m your man if you buy the beer.
The Colonel then said, fTITve got a place in mind
Where you can go, if yourre not blind
They've flak and MIGS and SAMS and such
I need a man that's good in the clutch.M
I get all het up and ask what Ifd get
ffTwas a kick in the ass if I didnft hit.
I told him I'd go 'cause they haven't found
A target in hell that I couldn't pound.
We jump in his car and go to the line
He stops by a "Nickle" that's tied up in twine.
"This is your bird, now get on your way."
I could tell at a glance I'd sure earn my pay.
I crank the beast up and I taxie on out,
As I leave the chocks I hear the chief shout
The oil pressure's low, the water donrt work,
And the stab aug's got one hell of a jerk.
I give him a grin and waggle my thumb,
This one's a counter and I'm not so dumb.
Well I take on off at two hundred per
I got two on the wings and a full loaded mer.
I struggle on up to ten thousand feet
Send down the tanker or werll never meet.
Well I take on my gas and head out on course
I call for a steer until I am hoarse.
But Lion is down and Invert wonrt say
And Brigham says I'm not going his way.
Well I'm off on my own and all for the best,
Those bastards don't know the East from the West.
Now I get over Thanh Hoa and I look for the bridge,
They said it was South but it's East of the ridge.
I roll in on my run, it looks easy as pie,
"Til the flak starts burstinr and coverin' the sky.
I cooly compute all the mils I will need
And calmly adjust both angle and speed
I check my drift and with the bridge in my sight,
I mash on the button and pull off to the right,
Well I check back at six and I see this big bird,
He's a closing in fast and he's sure riding herd.
As he flashes by there's a Red Star on each side.
It must be a MIG and there's no place to hide.
The Thanh Hoa Bridge-cont'd.
I head for the deck with all that she's got,
When along comes this SAM-my God Ifve been shot!
While drifting down in my chute all alone
Ifm finally convinced that I'm no "smokin' stone.!f
Ifm wishin' I was back in Kansas right now
With a face full of horseshit, my hand on the plow
But that ainft so and Ifm down in the drink
A day like today can sure make a man think!
Oh that Thanh Hoa Bridge
Oh that Thanh Hoa Bridge
They've flak and missies, you're some sitting duck
At downing good pilots they've had lots of luck.
12 DAYS OF COMBAT 299
On the first day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
a pilot in a teak tree.
On the second day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
two rocket pods.
On the third day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
thre e fue1 t ank s.
On the fourth day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
four GAR 8's.
On the fifth day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
five thousand pounders
On the sixth day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
six seven-fifties.
On the seventh day of combat, Ho Chi gave to me
seven SAM's singing.
On the eighth day of combat, Ho Chi gave to me
eight flak sites firing.
On the ninth day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
ten Sandys searching.
On the eleventh day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
eleven choppers whirling.
On the twelfth day of combat, the Air Force gave to me
twelve days a-waiting.
TUFF SHITSKY
(Tune: That's AfMorfe) JUU
When you set in the fix
And it's old Package Six
That's tuff shitsky.
When the MIG call is on
And your radar is gone
That's tuff shitsky.
When the MIGS are behind
What a hell of a bind
That's tuff shitsky.
Then you hear from your wing
"Can't help with this thing"
That's tuff shitsky.
Then you know the best poop
Is a great big fat loop
That's tuff shitsky.
When you see a big SAM
And it looks like a ram
That's tuff shitsky.
When your over the top
And you hear a loud pop
That's tuff shitsky.
On your way to the ground
You will hear this from "Crown"
That's tuff shitsky.
"We are already late
And we all have a date"
That's tuff shitsky.
"We must be on our way
So, that's all for today"
That's tuff shitsky.
"We will come back tomorrow
Till then tears and sorrow"
Tuff Shitsky!
"But we have to go back
Now to joust in the sack"
It's tuff shitsky!
WINGMAN'S LAMENT 301
(Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike)
We turned the Red and lead said, "Rush it up."
I used my burner and couldn't keep up.
I was dragging behind; it sure ainft no fun..
I said, "Leader, leader, oh please, give me one."
Ifm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
Flying above us were several F-4's.
They're 'bout as useful as tits on a boar.
They brief in the air and they pull other pranks,
Like bombarding Fives with their empty drop tanks.
I'm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
We hit Cho Moi and then turned on our run.
The gunners below uncovered their guns.
I tell you the weather up there can change fast
From clear and fifteen to a black overcast.
I'm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
Lead passed the target before he rolled in
With 300 knots; a capital sin.
And try though I did, and I tried as I pleased,
I had 400 knots and 20 degrees.
I'm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
I rolled in and lit a fresh cigarette.
A few puffs of flak were nothing to sweat.
A damned golden BB met up with my plane.
Hey coach, I think I will drop out of the game.
I'm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
P-l and P-2 fall down through the red.
I begin to fear my Thuderchief's dead.
The slab and the stick, they soon separated.
By the finger of fate, I have been mated.
I'm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
The living at Hilton ain't very good.
I find the quarters as bad as the food.
The waiters, they give us a whole lot of lip.
But we don't have to pay, we don't have to tip.
I'm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
So listen, my friends, if you're flying today,
Keep it high, keep it fast, is what I say.
Keep up with your leader, but still just the same,
You bet your own ass is the name of the game.
I'm a lousy Thud wingman and a long way from home.
DANGEROUS DAN McGREW 302
(Aussie Version)
A bunch of the boys was whooping it up in the Malemute Saloon
In the brothel next door a French whore was, floating like a
baloon.
I was standing outside in a snowdrift trying to make up me mind
Whether to get me a skin full of grog or hop in the drum for a
grind.
When the swinging doors fly open and I gets me a whiff of the gin
So I t ies me cock in a lovers know and opens the door and walks
in.
Now the barroom floor was so crowded you couldn't f av swung
Murphy's cat
And although the women was sexy enough there was hardly room for
a fat.
So I shoulders me way to the counter and orders a double of rum
And just to show I'm a regular beau I dates this bird in the bum.
"Get out of it you big bludger," she howled. Christ how the crowd
did
roar!
"That's no way to treat a lady, you pox ridden son of a whore."
So I buys her a drink and she's happy, I thinks maybe I'll make a
pass
Then I gets me a whiff of fer armput, and I wipes her, just like
an ass
Then I picks up me drink and shoulders me way to a table by the
pianner.
Where the Ragtime Kid keeps playing his tune in his usual
up-to-shit
manner.
When I takes a quick look round the barroom and I says to meself,
"what a scene"
If the devil happened in for a quick slug of gin, they'd be up
him for
bein' a queen.
In the middle a couple was dancin' , they were stuck together
like glue,
If it weren't for the fact they had pants on, you'd swear they
was
havin' a screw.
The barman's a buy from Missouri, with diamonds all dressed up to
kill
One hand's on the cunt of his cutie, and his other big mitt on
the till.
Now I guess I'd be what you call tough-like, I've been around in
me time,
But this little part of Alaska, just shits me, I tell you she's
prime.
There's drinkin' and fuckin' and gamblin' and swearin' and all
kinds of
vice,
You can saddle the hole of an Indian boy just by a roll of the
dice.
But one thing stands out like a shit-house, in this cesspool of
cunt,
rum and spew
As she stands there by the pianner, the lady that's known as Lou
I wish I had words to describe her in poetic words and of rhyme
As she stands thei~e gracefully sweeping the flies off her twat
with a fan
I'd give pay dirt just to be up her, but I know I'm not in the
race
I'd glup the air like a drowning steer if she'd only fart in me
face.
Then all of a sudden it happened, like lightening right out of
the blue,
As the swinging door flew open, and there stands Dan McGrew.
The silence was grim and forebodin' , you could have heard a
mouse squeak,
And before I knew I'd begun it, I found meself takin' a leak.
I said it was grim and forebodin', like nothin' what I've heard
before
And I've had a close shave, when an Indian brave caught me
fucking his
squaw.
"I've come to shoot you Lou", says Dan, "and I'm going to shoot
you quick
And after I've shot you cold with me gun, I'll fuck you hot with
me prick'
Dangerous Dan McGrew-cont'd.
"Stick you gun up your bum, you big country hick," says Lou and
her
voice was like ice.
"If a cow sucked you off in a famine, you'd be two fuckin' mean
to
come twice."
"I'll not take that from a woman," sez Dan, and his hand to his
holster flew,
And no man could draw a gun faster than Dangerous Dan McGrew.
There were two shots, a scream and a deathly hush and the Ragtime
Kid
made for the door.
But I couldn't take me gaze from the shape of the ass that lay on
the
barroom floor.
It was Dangerous Dan who lay there as stiff as a weddin' prick
While out through the door and into the snow ran the Kid like a
clappy Dick.
Now you ask me who shot Dan McGrew byt I've gotta keep true to a
vow
For Dangerous Dan used to fuck Lou but it's me who's fucking her
now.
And if you should come to Alaska and pass by Malemute
You'll find me there in the bar drinking or next door havin' a
root.
Now this is the end of me story and I'll tell you, so help me,
it's true
And bugger me promise and also me vow and fuck Dangerous Dan
McGrew.
LUPE 303
Down in cunt valley, where blood rivers flow,
Where whoremongers flourish and cocksuckers grow,
"Twas there I met Lupe, the girl I adore,
She's my hot fucking, cocksucking Mexican whore.
She got her first peice at the young age of 8
While swinging one day on the old garden gate.
The "crosshair went out and the upright went in,
Ever since she has lived in a welter of sin.
She'll hug you, she'll fuck you, she'll gnaw at your nuts,
She'll wrap her legs 'round you and suck out your guts,
She'll wrap her legs 'round you till you think you'll die,
Oh, I'd rather eate Lupe than Blueberry Pie.
Lupe, poor Lupe, lies dead in her tomb,
The worms crawl out of her decomposed womb.
And the smile on her face is a mute cry for more,
She's my hot fucking, cocksucking Mexican whore.
PHAN RANG BLUES 304
Let me tell you a tale of the South China Sea;
Of a base known as Phan Rang where whiskey flows free.
Itfs called Happy Valley by those in command
Itfs really the cesspool of South Viet Nam.
There's fuck-all to do so you drink, sleep and fly,
The food ain't worth eating so very few try.
And the 35th Wing, which rules all along
Is as fucked-up as anything you've ever know.
What a horrible base,
It's a fucking disgrace.
The water supplied us is all full of grit
It smells like a garbage can stuffed full of shit.
What a horx-ible base.
We've been infiltrated by Training Command
They're not fighter pilots, they don't understand.
We're so regulated whenever we fly
That Mustang will even decide how you die.
You don't make decisions, we have something new
They're called Instant Experts who know what to do.
They get sixty hours at Cannon or Luke
And their stupid instructions make fighter jocks puke.
I have been here too long
I can't tell right from wrong.
This base ain't worth saving, it's so fucking bad
The worst damn assignment that I've ever had
I have been here too long.
We get lots of screwin, but never with love
The fucking we get is passed down from above.
We aren't allowed aero or rat-racing here
The flying we do is a shitty affair.
It's straight to the target, then straight back to base
To bank more than thirty degrees means disgrace.
You're grounded and pounded down into the grit
And the whole base is told you're a dumb fucking shit.
Give Phan Rang to the Cong,
Here is where they belong.
If I ever leave here I;m not coming back
I'm sure there are less rules to live by in SAC.
Give Phan Rang to the Cong.
The poor Base Commander is losing his mind
And with both hands searching, his ass he can't find.
He's taking up drinking, his nerves are all shot
The coffee is cold and the Kool-Aid is hot.
The fuel farm is leaking, the water tanks too
If we're hit by mortars, this damn base is through.
No one can defend us, we all live in fear
That we won't survive to go home in a year.
Why the hell are we here?
Living on whiskey and beer
The 35th Wing had such poor B.D.A.
They sent in the Aussie's to show them the way.
Why the hell are we here?
PILOTS ALWAYS EAT PUSSY 3Q5
There once were three men from Birmingham
And this is the story concerning them.
They lifted the frock and ticked the cock of the Bishop
While he was confirming them.
Chorus:
Ay Ay Ay Ay
Pilots always eat pussy
So sing us another verse
That's worse then the other verse
So waltz me around again Willie.
Now the Bishop was nobody's fool
He'd attended a large public school
So he pulled down his britches and buggered those bitches
With his ten inch Episcopal tool.
Chorus:
There once was a girl from Azores
Whose body was covered with sores
The dogs in the street would not eat the green meat
That hung is festoon from her drawers.
Chorus:
There once was a girl named Annie
Whoe buggered an ape in a tree
The result was horrid, all ass and no forid
Three balls and a purple goatee.
Chorus:
There once was a girl named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a fallice
They found her vagina in North Carolina
And part of her asshole in Dallas.
Chorus:
There once was a young man from Boston
Who bought a very small Austin
There was room for his ass and a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost them.
Chorus:
There was a young man from Bombay
Who molded a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away.
Chorus:
There was a young hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
He said, fTIrll be the first to admit, that Irm a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save."
Pilots Always Eat Pussy-cont!d.
Chorus:
There was a young man named Cass
Whose balls were made of spun glass
When they clanked together, they played "Stormy Weather11
And lightning shot out of his ass.
Chorus:
There once was a girl from France
Who boarded a train by chance
The engineer fucked her, so did the conducter
And the brakeman went off in his pants.
Chorus:
There once was a girl named Gail
Between her tits was the price of her tail
On on her behind, for the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille.
Chorus:
There was once an old lady from Wheeling
Who had a peculiar feeling
She would lay on her back and tickle her crack
And piss all over the ceiling.
Chorus:
There was an old man from Kent
Whose prick was so long it bent
To save himself trouble he put it in double
And instead of coming he went.
Chorus:
There was an old maid from Shooster
Who dreampt that a man had seduced her
But when she awoke it was only a joke
A spring in the bed had goosed her.
Chorus:
There was a young girl from Peru
Who said as the Bishop withdrew
The Vicar is quicker, he's also a licker
And considerably thicker than you.
Chorus:
There was a young man from St. Clair
Who boogered his wife on the stair
The banister broke so he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in the air.
Chorus:
Pilots Always Eat Pussy-page 3
There once was a lesbian named June
Who took a young queer to her room
They argued all night as to who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
Chorus:
There once was a young girl named Myrtle
Who was raped on the bench by a turtle
The result of the fuck was two eggs and a duck
Which proved that the turtle was fertile.
Chorus:
There was a methematician named Hall
Who had a hexahydronical ball
The cube of its weight times his pecker plus eight
Was 4/8 of 5/8 of fuck all.
WHY DID I JOIN THE AIR FORCE 306
Oh, the f,T-Jet's" a very fine aircraft
Constructed of rivets and tin
It cruises well over one-fifty
The ship with the headwind built in.
Chorus:
Oh why did I join the Air Force
Mother, dear Mother new best
Here I lie rneath the wreckage
A "T-Jet" all over my chest.
Now when you are out on a mission,
You will be happy to learn,
The crew chief's betting goo money
Ten to one you will never return.
Chorus:
Now when you are out on a mission
A Messerschmidtt makes a fine pass;
Reach up, grab hold of the rip cord
To hell with the ship, save your ass!
Chorus:
ODE TO A GREAT FUCKIN1 SAR EFFORT 3 07
(With apologies to "The Night Before Christmas1'
One fine day, just last summer
(!twas prior to a raid)
The jocks were hung over
From screwin1 the maid,
So with canopies open
And heads hung in grief
Their sorrows were many
Their crew rest too brief.
The mission commander
By some marvelous feat
Got them all to the Anchor--
Cycled through, then did meet.
With those beautiful Thuds
Spread in "pod"--quite a force!
The Phantoms moved in
Like the old Trojan horse.
The MIGS had been scrambled
Were headed out East,
But the gunners are hosing
Eighty-fives at our beast.
nWhy the hell should they hate me?"
I cried in dismay,
"I'm egressing, you bastards,
So play it my was."
But my cry went unheeded
As our bird took a hit;
And I know there and then
Things had just turned to shit.
Thof my chances were nil
There was fuck else to do
But head for the Black
With our whole fuckin1 crew.
So in anger, and pissed
Did we drop the whole load
On the cock-suckinf gunner's
Kids, wife and abode.
There was no goddam grief
As I cried out with glee
"Eat your heart out, you bitch,
For you'll never get me."
So with eighty per cent
(that was all we could get)
We headed for North Point
With hopes of a TET.
Ode To A Great Fuckin' Sar Effort-cont!d
But 'twas mostly in vain
As we swung past the Red
I knew that my ass
Was fuckinT near dead.
Cause Yen Bay came alive
Like the Fourth of July!
The flak was so thick
That I wanted to cry.
As my two, three and four
Broke down, left, then right
Leaving us solo
In the dwindling light.
"Well, olf buddy," my number one
GIB says to me,
nIt looks like there's just
Gonna be me and thee.n
"And with your goddam luck
We should punch out at ten
So the rest of the fall
We can take with a grin."
For I just know goddam well
As I sit here in fright
That both fuckin1 chutes
Were packed wrong last night.
"And I want you to know,"
He hastened to add,
"That in case we don't make it
Please don't get mad."
It isn't my fault
That the pod didn't work
I told you that twice
You dumb fuckin' jerk.
A tank didn't feed
The doppler was short,
(you said) we'll get our counter
No matter what!
"Well, you've got your first counter
It may be the last
Unless this old whore
Can take one more blast."
Shut your trap and eject!
Was the word of the day.
So we punched, not at ten
But at two, so they say.......
THE RED RIVER VALLEY 308
To the valley he said he was flying,
And he never saw the medal that he earned,
Many jocks have flown into the valey,
And a number have never returned.
So I listened as he briefed on the mission,
Tonight at the bar TEAK flight will sing,
But we're goinf to the Red River Valley,
And today you are flying my wing.
Oh the flak is so thick in the valley,
That the Migfs and the missies we don!t need,
So fly high and down sun in the valley,
And guard well the ass of TEAK lead.
Now if things turn to shit in the valley,
And the briefing that I gave you donTt heed,
They'll be waiting at the Hanoi Hilton,
And it's fish heads and rice for TEAK lead.
We refueled on the way to the valley,
In the states it had always been fun,
But with thunder and lightning all around us,
T'was the last A.A.R. for TEAK One.
When he came to a bridge in the valley,
He saw a duty that he couldn't shun,
For the first to roll in on the target,
Was my leader old TEAK Number One.
Oh, he flew through the flak toward the target,
With his bombs and his rockets drew a bean,
But he never pulled out of his bomb run,
T'was fatal for another TEAK lead.
So come sit by my side at the briefing,
We will sit there and tickle the beads,
For we're going to the Red River Valley,
And my call sign today is TEAK Lead.
IN FOURTEEN HUNDRED NINETY TWO onQ
In fourteen hundred niney two
A Diego from I Tal! y
Roamed the streets of old Madrid
And pissed in every alley
All night long, from midnight on.
He wnet before the Queen of Spain
And asked for ships and cargo,
He said, !lIfll kiss your royal ass
If I don't bring back Chicago.11
All night long, from midnight on.
Three ships sailed out from Spain
One day-the lead ship's name was Venus.
The figurehead was s whore in bed and
The mast was an upright penis.
All night long, from midnight on.
Three ships sailed out from Spain one day
One was a double decker.
The Queen she waved her handkerchief
Columbo waved his pecker.
All night long, from midnight on.
Columbo had a cabin boy
His name was Jackie Cooper
And all night long by the pale moonlight
Hefd shove it up his pooper.
All night long, from midnight on.
That cabin boy, that cabin boy
That dirty little nipper.
He lined his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.
All night long, from midnight on.
For 40 days and 40 nights they sailed the broad Atlantic.
Once on the shore they spied a whore and the whole
Damned crew got frantic.
All night long, from midnight on.
He screwed her once, he screwed her twice
He screwed her once to often.
He broke the main spring in her ass
And now she's in her coffin.
All night long, from midnight on.
I WANTED WINGS 310
(S.E.A. Version)
I've been alive
Twenty years, plus four or five,
And I!ve tried many a pursuit.
I went to pilot school,
Learned the ropes and learned the rules,
And got my wings and my blue suit.
And then I went to get upgraded
And like a fool I made it.
Then they made me number four,
And then they sent me off to war,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them any more.
The Republic Thunderchief
Is just twenty tons of grief.
The dirty sons-of-bitehes
Filled it with three hundred switches,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
To keep my bod1 alive
They taught me to survive,
At a place nestled in the hills.
They fed me porcupine,
And other goodies fine;
Pemmican to cure all my ills.
And in three weeks I had made it.
They said I'd graduated.
Well, Buddy, if that's livin1
I think that I'll just give in,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
You can have your he-man training
In the snow, and when it's raining.
I'd rather be a weenie
With my tootie and martini,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
I Wanted Wings (cont'd)
I do not want to stay,
But I cannot get away.
In Hanoi they all love parades.
Each day we take a walk
Through Hanoi Central Park,
Not dressed in style, I'm afraid.
Oh, those little yellow mammas
Dress us all in black pajamas,
Spectators, they just sit there,
Sometimes throw rocks, sometimes spit there,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
You can have your 105.
I'd much rather stay live.
The lousy afterburned
Gets you north just that much sooner,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
These lines are just in jest;
Thud drivers are the best,
At flying 'n chasing women, too.
The goods they deliver
Are sure to make Ho shiver,
And wish to hell this war was through.
And for some it is all over.
They lie down beneath the clover,
For they did go down in flames,
But we will not forget their names,
Buster.
They wanted wings
And they've truly got their wings,
And they will wear them evermore.
For there are no regulations
For those heaven-bound formations,
If they don't like it, well,
They can split-S down to hell,
Buster.
They wanted wings
And they've truly got their wings,
And they will wear them evermore.
THE LONG BOMBA DI 3]1
I am a gay cabellero,
On my way to Rio Janero
And taking with me, my long Bom-Ba-Di
And also my Bom-Bom-Baderos .
I went to a fine tiato,
An exceedingly fine tiato.
And taking with me mu long Bom-Ba-Di
And also my Bom-Bom-Baderos.
I met a gay senorita,
And exceedingly gay senorita.
Who wanted to see my long Bom-Ba-Di
And also my Bom-Bom-Baderos.
We sat on a soft sofita,
An exceedinlysoft sofita.
And I showed her the tip of my long Bom-Ba-Di
And one of my Bom-Bom-Baderos.
And from this gay senorita,
I caught a case of clapita.
Right on the tip of my long Bom-Ba-Di
And on one of my Bom-Bom-Baderos.
I went to a fine medico,
And exceedingly fine medico.
I showed him the tip of my long Bom-Ba-Di
And one of my Bom-Bom Baderos.
He took a sharp stiletto,
An exceedingly sharp stiletto,
And cut off the tip of my long Bom-Ba-Di
And one of my Bom-Bom-Baderos.
Now I am a sad cabellero,
Returning from Rio Janero.
Minus the tip of my long Bom-Ba-Di,
And one of my Bom-Bom Baderos.
PRANG fEM ALL 312
There's a courier leaving old Atchem today
It's bound for Wharton they way
Heavily laden with browned-off young men
Akl hoping for posting some day.
They all think theyrre ops types
They're keen as can be
To get a Fooke Wulf in the sights
They're experts at groaning
At pissing and moaning
And everyone just loves to gripe.
Prang 'em all, prang rem all
The needle, the airpseed, the ball
Prang the instructors who taught us to fly
They sent us up solo and left us to die
And if ever your aircraft should stall
You're in for one hell of a fall
No lillies or violets for dead fighter pilots
So cheer up my lads, prang rem all.
Prang rem all, prang fem all
As into the cockpit you crawl
Prang all the harness that fastens you in
Then prang that damn Wasp and it's bastardly din
For you loop and you roll and you dive
Until you're more dead than alive
No future in flying unless you like dying
So cheer up my lads, prang rem all.
Prang 'em all, prang 'em all
No more free mistakes they all bawl
Close up the range, shove it up Jerries ass
Then press the old tit, fill his guts full of gas
For werve studied each morn, noon and night
How the hardest damn part of the fight
Isn't flying and fighting, it's reading and writing
So cheer up me lads, prang 'em all.
Prang 'em all, prang 'em all
The Mustangs, the T-bolts and all
Prange all the Lightenings the Spitfires as well
As for the Masters they come straight from Hell
That abortion-like son of a citch
You can shove up you ass in fine pitch
All fabric and plywood, it's no fucking damn good
So cheer up my lads, prang 'em all.
Prang 'em all, prang 'em all
In a ditch or a hedge or a wall
Prang all the Masters, the Mustangs and Bolts
Werll give the boys down at Ajax some jolts
If you're browned-off just round off too high
Of aircraft we'll clear shropshires sky
We'll make some scrap metal to put in the kettle
So cheer up my lads, prang 'em all.
SAMMY SMALL
(SEA Style) 313
Oh come 'round us fighter pilots
Fuck rem all
Oh come fround us fighter pilots
Fuck 'em all
Oh we fly the dad damn plane
Throught the flak and through the rain
And tomorrow wefll do it again
So fuck 'em all.
Oh they tell us not to think
Fuck rem all
Oh they tell us not to think
Fuck rem all
Oh they tell us not to think
Just to dive and just to think
LBJfs a goddamn fink
So fuck em all.
Oh we bombed Mugia Pass
Fuck rem all
Oh we bombed Mugia Pass
Fuck rem all
Oh we bombed Mugia Pass
Though we only made on pass
They really stuck it up our ass
So fuck Tem all.
Oh we're on a JCS
Fuck 'em all
Oh we're on a JCS
Fuck 'em all
Oh they sent the whole damn wing
Probably half of us will sing
What a silly fucking thing
So fuck 'em all.
Oh we lost our fucking way
Fuck 'em all
Oh we lost our fucking way
Fuck 'em all
Oh we straffed goddamn Hanoi
Killed every fucking girl and boy
What a goddamn fucking joy
So fuck 'em all.
Oh my bird got all shot up
Fuck 'em all
Oh my' bird got all shot up
Fuck 'em all
Oh my bird it did get shot
And I'll probably cry a lot
But I think that it's shit hot
So fuck 'em all.
While I'm swinging in my chute
Fuck 'em all
While Ifm swinging in my chute
Fuck 'em all
While I'm swing in my chute
Comes this silly fucking toot
And hangs a medal on my root So fuck 'em all.
RUSSIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM 314
Pissonya, Pissonya, Pissonya, Pissonya
In Russian that means that I love you
If I had my way, I pissonya all day
For in Russian that means that I love you.
Chorus:
Aie, aie, aie, aie
I've got crabs in my moustache,
If I had my way, Ird scratch them all day,
For I've got crabs in my moustache.
Shittonya, shittonya, shittonya, shittonya
In Russian that means that we'll marry.
If I had my way I'd shittonya all day
For in Russian that means that wefll marry.
Chorus:
Layonya, layonya, layonya, layonya
In Russian that means we'll have children
If I had my way I'd layonya all day
For in Russian that means we'll have children.
Chorus:
CHARLIE WENT A-RUNNING 315
Charlie won't fight 'nT I don't care uh huh
Charlie won't fight 'n1 I don't care uh huh
Charlie won't fight 'n' I con't care
I think he's running off some where, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
He sneaked up to my front door, uh huh
He sneaked up to my front door, uh huh
He sneaked up to my front door
He didn't know he left a claymore, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
Old Charlie's got some mortar shells, uh huh
Old Charlie's got some mortar shells, uh huh
Old Charlie's got some mortar shells
I hope he blows himself to hell, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
Charlie's living underground, uh huh
Charlie's living underground, uh huh
Charlie's living underground
When the monsoon comes I hope he drowns, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
316
YOUfLL NEVER MIND
Come and join the Air Force
We're a happy band they say
We never do a lick of work
Just fly around all day
While others work and study
And soon grow old and blind
We take to the air without a care
And you will never mind.
CHORUS
You111 never mind, you'll never mind
So come and join the Air Force
And you will never mind.
Come and get promoted
As high as you desire
You're riding on a gravy train
If you're an Air Force flyer
And when you get to General, you will surely find
Your wings fall off, the dough rolls in
But you will never mind.
(chorus)
You take it up and spin it
And with an awful tear
Your wings fall off, the ship spins in
But you will never care
For in about two minutes more
Another pair you'll find
You'll dance with Pete in an angel's suit
But you will never mind.
(chorus)
While flying the Pacific
You hear the engine spit
You watch the tach come to a stop
The God Damn thing has quit
The ship won't float and you can't swim
The shore is far behind
Oh, what a dish for crads and fish
But you will never mind.
(chorus)
While flying over Laos
in a Thunderchief
There's one thing to remember
And that's my firm belief
I've only got one engine, Jack
And if that bastard quits
It'll be up there all by itself
'Cause I will shit and git.
You'll Never Mind-cont1d.
(chorus)
And if some wily MIG 19
Should shoot you down in flames
Don!t sit around and bellyache
And call the bastard names
Just hit the silk, it's cream and milk
Andy pretty soon you'll find
There is no Hell and all is well
And you will never mind.
WE ALL MAY BE DEAD TOMORROW 317
We all may be dead tomorrow
No one gives a shit but our wives
So, let's drink and get royally plastered
And enjoy what we can of our lives.
THE OTHERS WENT FLYING 318
The (unit) went flying
One dark and windy day
And as they taxied by
I heard (Commander) say
I see my boys are flying
And I feel so God Damn proud
The (unit) will penetrate a cloud.
B-52 TAKE-OFF
31 9
Hand on the throttles, all eight of them
Release the brakes, all sixteen of them
Off we go into the wild blue yonder........CRASH! ! ! ! !
OUR LEADERS 320
(Tune of Manana)
At Phillips Range in Kansas,
The jocks had all the knack,
But now that we're in combat,
We got Colonels on your back,
And every time we say shit hot
or whistle in the bar,
We have to anser to somebody
Looking for a star!
(CHORUS)
Our leaders, our leaders,
Our leaders is what they always say,
But it!s bullshit, it's bullshit,
It's bullshit they feed us every day.
Today we had a not one,
And the jocks were scared to hell,
They ran to meet us with a beer,
And said that we were swell,
But Recce toll the B.D.A.
And said we missed a hair,
Now we'll catch all kinds of hell
From the wheels at Seventh Air... (Chorus)
They send us out in bunches
To bomb a bridge and die,
These tactics are for bombers,
That our leaders used to fly,
The Big Picture evades us,
And that is why I guess,
We have to leave our thinking
to the wheels in J. C.S....(chorus)
The J.C.S. are generals
And they're not always right,
Sometimes they have to think it over
Well into the night,
When they have a question
Or something they can't hack,
They have to leave the judgement
to that money saving MAC.....(chorus)
Now MAC's job is in danger,
For he's on salary too,
To be the final say so
Is something he can't do,
Before we fly the mission
And everything's OK,
He has to get permission
From Flight Leader L.B.J.
321
WHERE HAVE ALL THE OLD HEADS GONE
(Tune: Where Have All The Flowers Gone)
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the soldiers gone?
They've all gone to Viet Nam.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn.
Where have all the Vietnamese gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the Vietnamese gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the Vietnamese gone?
They've all become Viet Cong.
Oh, when will we ever learn?
Oh, when will we ever learn.
Where have all the VCrs gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the VC's gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the VCrs gone?
To fix the bridges that we bomb.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn.
Where do all the Weasels go?
Long time passing.
Where do all the Weasels go?
Long time ago.
Where do all the Weasels go?
O'er the ridge to meet the foe.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn.
Where have all the SAM sites gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the SAM sites gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the SAM sites gone?
They've been down, oh so long.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn.
Where do all the strike flight go?
Long time passing.
Where do all the strike flight go?
Long time ago.
Where do all the strike flight go?
'Cross the fence again, I know.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn.
Where Have All The Old Heads Gone-contfd
Where have all the flak sites gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the flak sites gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the flak sites gone?
Along the railroad, oh so long.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn.
Where have all the old heads gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the old heads gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the old heads gone?
TheyTve gone home; their tour is done.
You see, theyrve finally learned;
Oh yes, theyfve finally learned.
322
WILD WEASEL
(Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike)
Wild Weasel, Wild Weasel, they call me by name.
I fly up on Thud Ridge, and play the big game.
I fly o'er the valleys and hide behind hills;
I dodge all the missies, then go in for kills.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
Some weak guns, some weak guns; they're all off at one.
But don't worry fellows, for threats there are none.
There's a big one just looking at two o'clock now.
There's flak all around us; they're shooting and how!
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
Keep moving, they're shooting. The target's at eight.
Go burner, now roll in, don't pull it off straight.
A missle! A missle! Let's take it on down.
Oh God, where's that bastard? My flight suit's turned brown.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
Now pull it up, pull up, and head for the sky.
The misslers at two, boys, now watch it sail by.
There's smoke from the SAM site out there in the grass.
Set 'em up hot, boys, and we'll nail his ass.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot, fine bear.
Wild Weasel, Wild Weasel, they've called me by name.
I flew o'er the fence, and I've won the big game.
One hundred, one hundred, I'm heading for home.
And over those damn hills, I'll never more roam.
I'm a lonely Thud driver with a shit-hot fine bear.
HALLELUJAH 323
I was cruising at six angels
In my foxtrot 105,
Thinking fbout the Poo-Ying
Back in the Takhli dive,
When a sudden burst of ack-ack
Was all around the sky.
Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
My tanks are running dry.
Chorus:
Halleluj ah! Halleluj ah!
Herefs a tanker full of gas
To save a fighter pilotrs ass.
Halleluj ah! Halleluj ah!
Put your gas-hole on the boom
And you'll be saved.
So I squawked my parrot mayday
And called GCI,
Asking for a tanker
To keep me in the sky.
Well, the Airman-third controller
Said, flPlease donft go away.
Let me call up Seventh
To see if itrs okay.11
Chorus:
Then a friendly tanker pilot
Called out, "Fighter jock, no sweat.
ITve got half a jug of coffee,
So I!m not bingo yet.
If you get a vector to me
Ifll be glad to pass some gas.
Turn your twenty mike-mike off,
And donrt shoot up my ass.n
Chorus:
It was really getting hairy
As I sped my old Thud south.
I could feel the cotton rising
All inside my mouth.
Then I saw the silver tanker
And gave a happy shout.
Then I saw the drogue behind,
And started punching out.
Chorus:
324
SUNG TO MY HOME IN INDIANA
When the SAMS start rising from old Haiphong Harbor
And the 85Ts start puffing round Kep Hay
You will know your targets just beyond that mountain
And you wonder if the MIGS will come to play,
Oh you reach your pull up point and start your pop up
And the tracers seem to urge you on your way
You see the bridge as you start roll in
You wonder if the MIGS will come to play*
You've dropped your bombs and now you1re off and running
Jinking hard you're on your merry way
And as you reach the jagged limestone ridges
You wonder if the MIGS will come to play.
You've reached the coast and all the sea is friendly
The fuel is low but not too bad you say
I can make it back to Korat nice and easy
If only the MIGS don't come to play.
You're climbing now and starting to rest easy
A drink of water helps you on your way
But a glint of light, a speck up high, and you know
The MIGS have fi-nal-ly come to play.
Your burners in, you're diving down, you're running
But his overtake is far too much today
In your dinghy bobbing on the Gulf of Tonkin
You wish the MIGS just hadn't come to play.
POP GOES THE WEASEL 325
Around and around the SAM site
The missle chased the Weasel.
The Weasel got pissed, the SAM got zapped.
Pop goes the Weasel.
Willy Peter showed us where
To roll in to displease rem.
One more pass with HEI.
Pop goes the Weasel.
Lady fingers did their job,
Did more than just tease rem.
The Russian Techs got all pissed off.
Pop goes the Weasel.
We look around for SAM sites.
We grab their balls and squeez them.
They show their ass, we shoot it off.
Pop goes the Weasel.
326
ONE HUNDRED MISSIONS
(Tune: When Johnny Comes Marching Home (dirge)
One hundred missions we have flown, aha, aha*
One hundred missions we have flown, aha, aha.
One hundred missions we have flown,
One hundred bridges we have blown,
But you can't return till Lyndon gives the word.
From one to one hundred we did count, aha, aha.
From one to one hundred we did count, aha, aha.
From one to one hundred we did count,
But now one half or more don't count,
But you can't return until Lyndon gives the word.
They said they'd give us combat pay, aha, aha.
They said they'd give us combat pay, aha, aha.
They said they'd give us combat pay,
And then the bastards took it away,
But you can't return until Lyndon gives the word.
We're Iron Hands from old Takhli, aha, aha.
We're Iron Hands from old Takhli, aha, aha.
We're Iron Hands from old Takhli,
Our hearts beat fast, we think we'll pee,
But you can't return until Lyndon gives the word.
The Weasels fly around alone, aha, aha.
The Weasels fly around alone, aha, aha.
The Weasels fly around alone,
With half a flight they head for home,
But you can't return until Lyndon gives the word.
The force rolls in amidst the flak, aha, aha.
The force rolls in amidst the flak, aha, aha.
The force rolls in amidst the flak,
One half or more won't make it back,
But you can't return until Lyndon gives the word.
Not many will return alive, aha, aha.
Not many will return alive, aha, aha.
Not many will return alive,
Who flew the bloody 105,
But you can't return until Lyndon gives the word.
UP IN THAT VALLEY 3 27
(Tune: Down In The Valley)
Up in that valley,
That valley so low.
Where the SAM missies flourish,
And the 85Ts glow.
The Thai Nguyen steel plant,
The Hanoi rail yard,
The bridges at Bac Giang,
They've played their trump card.
The Iron Hands mill right,
And the strike pilots flail.
The MIG's try to bounce us,
But they always fail.
The MIG cap, he hollers,
"There's bandits at twelve!11
"Launch!n screams the Weasel.
It's better in hell.
The flak is a-burstin'
Right next to my hide.
All I can hear is,
"You're lagging behind."
We're down on the bomb run. j
The target's in sight.
"Sweet Jesus," I'm thinking,
"I'd better break right."
We're breaking for Thud Ridge,
What a beautiful sight.
Oh shit! I've just noticed
An overheat light.
My heart is a-pumping,
I know I'm not dead.
Please, God, get this old Thud
Just out past the Red.
If I can get past
That muddy old slough,
The Sandys and Jollys
Will pull me on through.
I'm past ninety-seven,
And now I can boast,
The rest I can finish
Out over the coast.
Where the tankers don't matter,
Although I must say,
I often have seen it,
Where they've saved the day.
Up In That Valley-cont'd.
Up In that valley,
That valley of grief,
I hope all your flights there
Will always be brief.
Goodbye to that valley,
So long to Takhli,
Don't bust your ass, buddy,
I'm going home free.
DON'T SEND ME TO HANOI 32q
(Tune: Winchester Cathedral)
Don't send me to Hanoi.
Please donrt put my name down.
The shooting is bad there.
Don't send me downtown.
The bridges at Bac Giang,
More milling around.
Another Brown Anchor,
I think IT11 leave town.
Don't send me to Yen Bay
I donrt like that much flak.
It takes too much damn gas
To bring me ass back.
Don't send me to Dong Hoi,
I don't want to get none,
Those BUF support missions,
They make my ass numb.
Just send me on milk runs,
Where there are no big guns.
I just want to fly where
It's easy on my bear.
CRUISING OVER HANOI
329
We were cruising over Hanoi
Doinr gour and fifty per-
When I called to my flight leader,
"Oh, wonft you help me, sir?
The SAMS are hot and heavy,
The MIGS are on our ass,
Take us home flight leader,
Please don't make another pass."
Chorus:
Hal1aluj ah, Hal1alujah!
Throw a nickel in the grass
Save a fighter pilot's ass.
Hallaluj ah, Hallaluj ah!
Throw a nickel in the grass
And you'll be saved.
I rolled into my bomb run
Trying to set the pipper right,
When a SAM came off the launch pad,
And headed for our flight
Then number two informed me
"Hey, four, you'd better break!"
I racked that goddam plane so hard
It made the whole thing shake.
Chorus:
I started my recovery.
It seemed things were all right.
When I felt the damndest impact,
Saw a blinding flash of light.
We held the stick with all our might
Against the finding force.
Then number two screamed out at us
"Hey, four, you've had the course!"
Chorus:
I screamed at my back seater
"we'd better punch on out-
Eject, eject, you stupid shit!"
In panic I did shout.
I didn't wait around to see
If Joe had got the word.
I reached between my legs and pulled,
And took off like a bird.
Chorus:
As I descended in my chute,
My thoughts were rather grim.
Rather than to be a prisoner
I'd fight them to the end.
I hit the ground and staggered up
And looked around to see
And there in blazing neon,
Hanoi Hilton welcomed me.
Cruising Over Hanoi-cont1d.
Chorus:
(Slowly)
The moral of this story is
When you're in package six,
You'd better goddam look around
Or you'll be in my fix.
I'm a guest at Hanoi Hilton
With luxury sublime
The only thing that's not so great
I'll be here a long-long-time.
Chorus.
WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD
We've been working on the railroad
Every fucking day.
We've been working on the railroad,
Up Thai Nguyen way.
Uncle Ho ain't got no railroad,
No rolling stock or switches,
But Seventh frags us on the railroad,
Those dirty sons of bitches.
SAMS galore, 57's too,
85's will scragg your old Yazoo!
Fuck, shit, hate, shit hot too
So what the hell is new.
Someone's up a tree on Thud Ridge,
Someone's in the drink I know o-o-o-o
Someone's in the karst near Hoa Lac,
Shouting on the radio.
Shouting, Fee, Fi, Fiddly-i-oh
Fee, Fi, Fiddly-i-oh, oh, oh, oh
Fee, Fi, Jolly Green oh
Only 99 more to go.
331
"'THE TEST"
To the flight line here in Saigon, the Pilot came one day.
He didnTt talk to folks around him,
didn't have much to say.
Did he dare to ask a question, did he dare to make a slip,
for he knew that for the first time, he had weapons on
his Ship---Weapons on his Ship.
Now it was early in the morning and the crew chief ware a frown0
He didnrt know this new replacement could get his airplane off
the ground.
He knew that this was deadly business, and there couldn't be a
slip,
and he knew a fledging pilot could bring trouble to his Ship---
Trouble to his Ship.
Soon this pilot learned his lesson while flying all around.
He received his first baptism from VC on the ground.
Many rounds came through the cockpit,
they struck the rotor head and he looked around behind him
figuring everyone was dead---Everyone was deado
He could see the gunner shooting, he could hear the crew chief
shout,
he could see the bastards running - God .that marking smoke is
out0
Before the Viet Cong reached cover his bullets fairly ripped,
and the wLngraanfs aim was deadly with the weapons on his Ship---
Weapons on his Ship.
There were a hundred yards between them v*ien he made his second
pass.
He could hear machine guns chatter, he could feel the rocket
blast.
He could see the rice fields burning and the gun smoke he could
smell.
By the gorie scene around him made him whisper Holy
Hell---Whisper Holy Hell.
Now it was over in a monent; there was silence all around,
and the bodies of the VC lay before him on the ground.
Had survived his first encounter just like the rest,
now he was a combat pilot who had passed the crucial test.
That it was over in a monent,
there was silence all around.
And the bodies of the VC lay before him on the ground.
Had survived his first encounter but you haven !t heqrd the rest,
he just shot up 60 ARVN who were on a training test---On a
training test,
So the moral of this story is while flying all around,
and you think you are getting fire from the VC on the ground.
And they call you and they tell you to make a firing pass,
just tell you fearless leader he can jam it up his ass---Jam it
up his assc
"THE LITTLE BROWN BUILDING" 33 2
The passed an ordinance in the town they said we'd have to tear
it down,
That little shack out back so dear to me.
Well, the health department said its day was over and dead
It'll live .forever in my memories.
chorus Don't let them tear that little brown building down
Don't let them tear that precious building down
Don't let them tear that dear old building down
For theres not another like it in the country or the town.
It was not so long ago that I went tipping through the snow to
that little house behind my old hound dog.
And I set me down to rest like a snowbird on his nest
and read the Sears and Roebuck catalogue.
chorus
I could hum a happy tune beneath the silvery quarter moon
as my Pappy1s kin had done before.
It was just a quite spot and could never be forgot.
It gave the same relief to rich and poor.
chorus
It wasn't fancy built at all it had newspaper on the walls
it was air-conditioned in the winter time.
It was just a humble hut its door was never shut
and a man could get inside without a dime.
chorus
"SAIGON OH SAIGON"
333
Saigon, oh Saigon is a hellova place,
The organization is alblasted disgrace.
There's Captains and Majors and Lite Colonels too,
With their thumbs up their asses and nothing to do,
They stand on the runway, the scream and they shout about mapy
things they know nothing about,
For all that they are during they might as well be cutting grass
ddirts on the isle of Capri*
Well the 352nd is » coming we're way out of bounds,
Everyone knows were a damn bunch of clowns.
We shoot up rice paddies and brag about torque and everyone
thinks he's a damn Sgt York.
"HELLO. .FATHER"
------------ 334
Hello Father, Dearest Mom, Here I am in Vietnam
Weather here is so vain for six months its dusty and
Six months its rain.
Dear Aunt Gertie, Uncle Louie
I got my checkout in an armed Huey#
Now my troubles are all bygone
Gause I'm over here shooting around Saigon.
I went flying with Jim Lee
He goot shot ii$it in the knee*
You remember Lennard Skinner
He got mortored up at Bien Hoa after dinner.
I went flying with ole Green
He drove our chopper right through the trees.
You remember that good Tom Baker
He hit a mind and thought he had met his makes.
Oh my buddies Bill and Tom
They got blown up in Quin Yon.
You remember Lany Drew
He got his leg shot off at Pleiku.
I just talked to Warrsn Green
He said he'd saw a MIG 15♦
He said it started a bombing run
I think I'll watch and see if he's a lot of fun.
Oh you should see him he's a beaut
Now ha's strafing Tan Son Nhut.
He's coming this way his-aim is better
Qh darling Mother, Father disregard this letter.
"BETSY THE HEIFER"
---------------- 33 5
My Daddy gave a calf to me for a Chris tms present once.
I picked a little heifer out cause both of us were runts
She wasn't very smart but she grew up some how
And when it comes to giveing milk shefs an educated cow*
CHORUS
Betsy the heifer the queen of all the cows
She gave more milk than any law allowed
In the morning she gave pasturized at nite she gave homogenized
Betsy the heifer the gueen of all the cows,
I planted me a tater patch to try to earn some dough
And take a short vacation with some city folks I know
But no one else would milk the cow no matter how I wagged
So Pa took my vacation leaving me to hold the bag.
CHORUS
I took herto the county fair to try to win a prize
She knew just what was going on, I saw it in her eyes
The contest made her nervous, she tried so hard to please
That when I tried to milk her all I got was cottage cheese.
CHORUS
REPUBLIC'S ULTRA HOG 336
Tune: Walbash Cannonball
Listen to the jingle the gruntin1 and the wheeze,
As she rolls along the runway by the BAC-9 and the trees.
Hear the mighty roarin1 engine as you leap off in the fog,
You're flying through the jungle in Republic's Ultra Hog.
We came up from old Korat one steamy summer day,
As we pitched up on the target you could hear all the gunners
say,
"She's big and fat and ugly, she's really quite a dog,
She's known around the country as Republic's Ultra Hog".
Here's to MacNamara, his name will always smell,
He'll always be remembered down in Fighter Pilots Hell,
He frags all the targets and sends us out to die,
He sends us into combat in Republic's 105.
Listen to the jungle the gruntin' and the wheeze,
As she rolls along the runway by the BAC-9 and the trees.
Hear the mighty roarin1 engine as you leap off in the fog,
You're flying through the jungle in Republic's Ultra Hog!!!
THUD DRIVERS IN THE SKY 337
Tune: Ghost riders in the Sky
A 105 got airborn on a dark and windy day
and as he raised his landing gear you could hear the pilot pray:
"Keep all those buckets in the wheel and I'll be safe and sound,
Don't let that fire go out, Dear Lord, till I am on the ground.
Chorus: Yippi-o, yippi-i-a-a-a
Thud drivers in the sky.
Those flying fiends are here to stay, it's said they're very
mean,
And all know we've been famous since 1917,
Though we may work on holidays, and weekends just the same,
Those pukin pups make history, Oh bless that famous name.
As our 105s take to the air, their tails are spouting flame,
The crews they all go through hell, but fly em just the same,
The crew chiefs work their asses off to keep em flying high,
And watch with satisfaction as their plane goes screaming by.
Day and night our pilots fight to live up to their name,
Other pilots come and go, but ours fly on to fame.
They're going to fly forever in that range so very high,
They cuss and cry,--"LIVE OR DIE" Thud drivers in the sky!
NIGHT ON THE TOWN 338
Over the river, across the fence
to gomer's house we go.
The THUD knows the way
It's Bullseye today
To visit Uncle HO-OH!
We're Weasels, you know, so look out below
'cause we've got our shit together,
Chasing down SAM's and Firecans
and always in dogshit weather,
Green up the missiles and warm up the pods
Their GCI's got us now.
Tune up the scope
They'll launch one we hope
Get ready to take it down.
Then just for spite we'll punch off a shrike
Sweet Jesus! What a shit hot day!
Dropping their socks and cleaning their clocks
and blowing their shit away.
PUFF 339
Puff the tragic wagon
Came across the sea
Conceited turds in gooney birds
They came to kill VC
The VC shook in terror
Where're they appeared
The mini ones with mini guns
A sticking out their rear
Puff the tragic wagon
At DaNang by the sea
Though Rinkelman in number one
His waist is 63
The FC-47
Flies all afternoon
Half a day of boredom in
A silly fucking goon.
388th 340
The 388th1s going north today
With bombs on every MER
When we cross Red River
We'll do six hundred per
The flak and SAM's will greet us
From top, bottom, and the side
And then the Mig's will tap us
To liven up our ride
(Chorus)
Three Eig hty Eight, the best Air Force Wing
We're number one, so listen to us sing
We're going to hit a target
That we hit yesterday
To sharpen up their gunners
And earn our hazard pay
We're going to use the same old route
Which may to you seem strange
But that will fool their planners
Who think that we will change
(Chorus)
We're going to have to brave the SAM's
And flak that we may face
So that we can drop our bombload
On some defended place
We may not like the place we go
Or the target we will hit
But will do our very best
There is no doubt of it
(Chorus)
We're headed straight for old Hanoi
And when we get up there
We'll drop our ordered payload
Just about anywhere
On a bridge, a site, or railroad yard
Or even right downtown
To show that stupid Ho Chi Minh
That he's a stubborn clown
(Chorus)
Continued
388th (Continued)
Maybe we don't turn so good
When we are way up high
But come on down into the weeds
When you want to die
We'll turn and fight and have your badge
If you want to play
Down where we are better
Than Mig's in eyery way
(Chorus)
When you're flying way up north
And want to stay alive
There's just one Air Force Airplane
The Thunder One-0-Five
Now if you are a doubter
Of what we have to say
You can take our glorious place
Any glorious day
(Chorus)
THE WEASEL SONG 341
TUNE: TITANIC
Oh, we joined the weasel force,
When we finished the old course,
We thought we had a game
The missiles for to tame.
After many trips downtown
No answer had we found;
Only "Take it down, Take it down!"
CHORUS:
Take it down, way down
Take it down, way down
Down underneath that SA-2, to the bottom
After many trips downtown
No answer had we found,
Only take it down, take it down.
Off the tanker low
Into fluid four we go
Driving to the coast
We run before the force
We're about to face them all
And are waiting for the call
"Take it down, take it down."
In at 10 thou1 and point 9
The signals painting fine1
We pull up to hose a SHRIKE
Something they don't like.
Away the bastards roar
And upward they do soar
Time to take it down, take it down.
The sites that ring the town
Our range have finally found.
Many missiles underway,
It's time for us to play.
Roll under to the right
Red dots are now in sight.
Better take it down, take it down.
Back around again
There's flak from Gia Lam.
Up for another SHRIKE
Goes our weaving flight.
A missile bursts close by
And lower we do fly.
Down, take it down, take it down.
THE WEASEL SONG (Continued)
Hang on BOBBIN 2
We've got work to do.
SHRIKES? We've shot the lot
But a site's at 10 o'clock
So down the slide we go
CBUs burst burst below,
Down, take it down, take it down.
Out behind the force
Down the delta to the coast.
Tanks have long gone dry
"Tanker" we do cry.
Holes in number four
It's flying like a whore.
May have to take it down, take it down.
Back home on the ground
All are safe and sound.
The weasels rest once more
Site added to the score.
We gather around the bar
No matter what the hour.'
Time to drink it down, drink it down.
(Down to the bottom of the glass, to the bottom.)
The "Be No's" fence us in
To fight the greatest sin.
"Don't do this, and don't do that"
Our leaders always blat
Weasels press on just the same,
IRON HAND is a fighting game.
Down, take it down, take it down.
WANTED WINGS ( S.E.A. Version) 342
I've been alive
Twenty years, plus four or five,
And I've tried many a pursuit.1
I went to pilot school,
Learned the ropes and learned the rules,
And got my wings and my blue suit.
And then I went to get upgraded
And like a fool I made it.
Then they made me number four,
And then they sent me off to war,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.1
The Rupublic Thunderchief
Is just twenty tons of grief.
The dirty sons-of-bitches
Filled it with three-hundred switches.
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
To keep my bod1 alive
They taught me to survive
At a place nestled in the hills.
They fed me porcupine,
And other goodies fine;
Pemmican to cure all my ills.
And in three weeks I had made it.
They said I'd graduated.
Well, buddy, if that's livin1
I thing that I'll just give in,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
You can have your he-man training
In the snow, and when it's raining.
I'd rather be a weenie
With my tootie and martini,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
(Continued)
I don't want to stay,
But I cannot get away.
In Hanoi they all love parades.
Each day we take a walk
Through Hanoi Central Park,
Not dressed in style, I'm afraid.
Oh, those little yellow mammas
Dress us all in black pajamas,
Spectators, they just sit there,
Sometimes throw rocks, sometimes spit there
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
You can have your 105.
I'd much rather stay alive.
The lousy afterburner
Gets you north just that much sooner,
Buster.
I wanted wings
Till I got the goddamn things;
Now I don't want them anymore.
These lines are in jest;
Thud drivers are the best,
At flying 'n chasing women, too.
The goods they deliver
Are sure to make Ho shiver,
And wish to hell this war was through.
And for some it is all over.
They lie down beneath the clover,
For they did go down in flames,
But we will not forget their names,
Buster.
They wanted wings
And they've truly got their wings,
And they will wear them evermore.
For there are no regulations
For those heaven-bound formations,
If they don't like it, well,
They can split-S down to hell
Buster.
They wanted wings
And they've truly got their wings,
And they will wear them evermore.
F-4 SERENADE 343
I'd rather be a pimple on a syphiletic whore
Than a back seat driver on an old F-4
CHORUS: Don't put me in an F-4C, 4C
Don't put me in an F-4C
I'd rather be a hair on a swollen womb
than be a pilot of an old phan-tomb
I'd rather be a pimple on a dirty cock
Than to be a F-4 jock
I'd rather be a bloody scab
than to fly a plane with a bent up slab
I'd rather be a rotten bum
Than to fly a plane without a gun
I'd rather be a piss in a bottle
than to fly a plane with more than one throttle
I'd rather be a pecker!ess man
than to fly a bent up garbage can
I'd rather be most anything
than to fly a plane with a folding wing
I'd rather give up all my cheaten1
than to fly a plane with a rotten beacon
How much lower can you stoop
than to want to fly a droop
We don't know they stay alive
flying something heavier than a 105
Just remember you phantom flier
you have twice the chance for fire
We got one engine, you got two,
as a word of parting,----------you.
SHIT HOT FROM KORAT 344
When this base opened and all things were new,
The jocks had a need for somebody to screw,
When up jumped this girl and said, "For five baht,
I'm Chum Chim the whore; I'm shit hot from Korat."
Chorus: It was Chum Chim the whore from Korat
Chum Chim the jocks screwed a lot
It was Chum Chim the whore from Korat
Chum Chim the whore from Korat that's shit shit hot
Standing or sitting she's good any way,
That's what the jocks from Korat always say,
They can't understand why her crotch doesn't rot
Chum Chim the whore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus:
A very young jock who first opened her box
Became her pimp and later got shot,
But still couldn't tie the marital knot
To Chum Chim the whore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus:
She's good in a hammock; she's better in bed
That's what the jocks from Kadena have said,
Some left their wives, believe it or not,
For Chum Chim the whore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus:
She was a jewel to the pilots from TAC,
When they had the honor to lay in her rack,
They'll always remember that little Thai twat of
Chum Chim the whore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus:
With F-4 crews she never had trouble,
Once she had learned to take them on double,
Though it was daylight it bothered her not
Chum Chim the whore that's shit hot from Korat
Chorus:
When she met the Weasels she sure had the knack,
one in the front and the other in back,
She liked this arrangement as it doubled her Baht,
Chum Chim the whore that's shit hot from Korat
(Continued)
(Continued)
Chorus:
She's sweeter than candy and nicer than spice
All jocks agree she's especially nice,
They all idolize this girl they adore,
This hard fuckin', cock suckin', lesbian whore
MIGS COME OUT TO PLAY 345
TUNE: My Home In Indiana
When the SAMS start rising from old Haiphong Harbor
And 85's start puffing round Kep Hay
You will know -our targets just beyond that mountain
And you wonder if the MIGS will come to play
Oh you reach your pull up point and start your pop up
And the ttacers seem to urge you on your way
You see the bridge as you start roll in
You wonder if the MIGS will come to play
You've dropped your bombs and now you're off and running
Jinking hard you're on you merry way
And as you reach the jagged limestone ridges
You wonder if the MIGS will come to play
You've reached the coast and all the sea is friendly
The fuel is low but not too bad you say
I can make it back to Korat nice and easy
If only the MIGS don't come to play
You're climbing now and starting to rest easy
A drink of water helps you on your way
But a glint of light, a speck up high, and you know
The MIGS have fi-nal-ly come to play
Your burners in, you're diving down, you're running
But his overtake is far too much today
In your dinghy bobbing on the Gulf of Tonkin
You wish the MIGS just hadn't come to play
WHY DO THE DRUMS GO BOOM? 346
I had a little girl down in Baltimore
But the funk from her drawers knocked me flat on the floor
CHORUS: She's a rotten motherfucker and I love her so
She's my little girl from Baltimore
Why do the drums go boom-diddy-boom-diddy?
Why do the drums go boom-diddy-boom-diddy?
Why do the drums go boom-diddy-boom-diddy?
Why do the drums go boom?
Well...I took her to the church just to meet all the people
But the funk from her drawers knocked the cross off the steeple
Well..,I took her to the store just to buy some peas
But the funk from her drawers knocked the clerk on his knees
Well-.. I took her to the farm just to get a job
But the funk from her drawers knocked the corn off the cob
Well..,I took her to the movie but the crowd got mean
When the funk from her drawers knocked the flick off the screen
Well...I took her to the beach man she was a dish
But the funk from her drawers knocked the scales off the fish
Well...I took her to the club for a bite to eat
But the funk from her drawers burned a hole in the seat
Well I took her to Korat just to meet the Thais
But the funk from her drawers brought the tears to their eyes
Well...I took her to the field just to watch me fly
But the funk from her drawers knocked my Thud from the sky
Well...I took her down to Veenas but they started bitchen
When the funk from her drawers drew the flies from the kitchen
Well...I took her to my hooch cause I thought I'd score
But the funk from her drawers burned the paint off the door
Well...I took her to the park just to roll in the grass
But the funk from her drawers curled the hairs on my ass
Well...I took her to my room and I started to hunch
But the funk from her drawers made me blow my lunch
Well...I slipped it up her tubes and I tried to coat 'em
But the funk from her drawers peeled the skin off my scrotum
(Continued)
(Continued)
Well-..I fucked her on the floor man it was a feeling
When the funk from her drawers stuck my ass to the ceiling
Well...I paid her fifty bucks cause it was a thrill
But the funk from her drawers wiped the ink off the bill
Well.-.They took my little girl to the police station
Said the funk from her drawers was a threat to the nation
Well..-They took her to the court for a speedy trial
But the funk from her drawers laid the judge in the aisle
Well...They locked her in a jail but she's doin well
Cause the funk from her drawers killed the rats in her cell
Well...I lost my little girl but I didn't mind
Cause the funk from her drawers nearly made me blind
BEAR OF THE SKY 347
Back seat for sale or rent
Radar sets fifty cents
Hefs got no landings yet
No take off will he get
Four hours on the boom in a
Cockpit with no damn room, He's a
man who flys but don't fly
Bear of the sky
He knows every instrument every dial
He gets occasional stick time once in a while
And every week when the weather is clear
The A/C may let him lower the gear
He rides in the rumble seat
And thinks its quite a treat
His A/C will take care
While he rides through the air
He takes up extra room he rides
Through the somic boom He's a
Man who flys but don't fly
Bear of the sky.
Oh, here's to Uncle Ho Chi Minh 348
the dirty son of a bitch
Here's hoping he dies with a
dose of clap combined with the
seven year itch.
For he's a rotten bastard
from a dirty, dirty race;
By the laws of gravitation
his ass should be his face.
Now if we find a V. C.
within our hallowed walls
We'll take him to the compound
and casorate his balls.
And if he doesn't like it
I'll tell you what we'll do,
We'll stuff his ass with
broken glass and paint his pecker blue.
NAIL FAC: 349
Well, I am a Nail FAC in Laos,
I've been here since heaven knows when,
But I'd rather be back in old Aspen town,
Skiing dry powder again.
The air on the trail is polluted,
It's filled with rarefied tin,
Great clouds of flak claw at your back,
Watch out, Wolf, Nail's at your ten.
ZPU gunners are happy,
They get to practice all day,
But what the heck, if I found a truck
"Blue Chip" gave my bombs away.
I'd rather be in California,
Surfing the waves in the fall
Than feeling the shudder, as I hit full rudder,
Dodging those red fiery balls.
This war is run by computer,
It's commonly called "TFA"
So what the heck, why should I breck my neck,
They claimed we won yesterday.
We are allowed no diversions,
The flights hit their frag for the day,
So forests we plunder, and monkeys plow under
While six trucks stand one klick away.
I wish that I had the big picture,
That old Seventh paints every day.
Then I'd fly the wild, with a contented smile,
Watching those trucks drive away.
CRICKET: 350
Run, run, Cricket run,
Ho Chi's coming with a loaded gun,
He's mighty angry and you've caught his eye,
He's throwing flak up in the sj*y.
Run, run, Cricket run,
For your flying days are through
Thirty-Seven, maybe ZPU
So run, run, Cricket run,
You've been tearing up all his roads
And burning all his trucks
You keep doing things like those
And Ho Chi, he's fed up.
Run, run, Cricket run,
As fast as you know how
If you want to be a Cricket anymore
Then you'd better be a chicken now.
FB2SDCMS THREAT
Timet Green Beret
Silvor V'ings that are no aore
Camoflaged, because of war
Oh men will die, but don't forget
They1 re all a part of Our Freedom •• Threat
F-4C striking from the air
does a job beyond compare
A funny bird so fast, yet big
Looks fUnhy to everyone but a Mig«
The 135 carries aircraft fuel
Some say this bird is just a tool
The bomber and fighter are really the star
but without fuel, they can't go far
The T~2£ is slow and small
But it's job's not small at all
Svery day, in Ho Chi Kinh'a hair
Have to tell the world we're not even there
Chorus
The super Spad in history lies
Their pilots are courteous guys
Drawing flak, flying low and mean
Flying cover for our Jolly Green
The Jolly Greens and the pony express
Ever rescue men that are the best
They risk their lives as in they go
and as they pull out you hear, Yo-Ho-Ho
What a bird the RB-66
Theyr systems play amazing tricks
But on TV's or in a jam
And their favorite saying is "Sony bout that SAM*
Chorus
The 104 looks like a tjiy
But what a punch it does deploy
You know the Hig doesn't get a thrill
of seeing that toy when it plays for real
Therefs hardly a thing the Thud can't do
Day or night they are never through
Solving the problems of this ware toil
Like helping Hanoi with their excess oil-
The A-26 once was a B
But they don't bomb from here you see
every night when they hit the air
That load in their belly, iaa't really there.
Chorus
The Gooney Bird is a son-of-a-gun
I think they flew it in World Var 1
A cargo bird, that 6hould be through
Now the damned old thing is a fighter*-bofeber too*
T»/hen the mission's done
and the birds head back
Systems bad or hit with flak
low on fuel or feathered prop
Look to the eky there *s our lemon drop
Chorus
The Voodoo Recon is a 101
They won't come home till the Job is done
Shooting film throughout the day
Film that shows our strike force the way
Alert is called and the scramble is fast
Seconds pass, then the AB blasts
They hit the air with a job to do
Flight intercept by our 1©2
With rfjif the rescue boys the 130 fLiee
Flying command posts in the skies
Guiding rescue showing the way
Saving our mens lives most. everyday
Silver Wings that are no more
Camoflaged because of war
Ch men will die, but don't forget
They're all a part of Our Freedoms threat
THE HAIRY-CHESTED EIGHT SIXTH 225
THE INVADER ..,. - - 126
THE LITTLE GREY RAT _ ■ > / v- ,- 45
THE AMID OF THE MOUNTAIN 186
THE MAN BEHIND THE ARMOR-PLATED DESK 25
THE MARRTING KIND 270
THE MAYOR OP BAYSWATER* 274
THE MISSION 96
THE MONK 273
THE MOST CHI7TLR0US FISH 226
MiTHE-EEftSIAN KITTY !"____ 78
~~THE FOmVER VALLEY 66
THE PORTIONS OF A WOWMAN 271
THE PRETTIEST SHIP 111
THE PRETTIEST GIRL I EVER SAW 150
THE RIVER RAN RED ~ ' " 83
THE SCOTCH WEDDING 77
THE SHIEK OF ARABY- T/ - •> 26°
THE THING ~~" '" A/>»r'-"- !35
THE THINKER . 28
THE WOODPECKER / " ' 147
THESE IS NOTHING LIKE SOME_____________. 266
THEY CALLED THE BASTARD STEPHENS 280
THOSE WEDDING BELLS ARE BREAKING UP . ,. 136
THREE OLD MAIDS*- ~ ~—-----: J - " * "' 272
THREE WHORES FROM CANADA JUNCTION 161
THROTTLE BENDERS „ -,-„,/ .,..,., il : by 296
TIE MY ROOT AROUND A TREE 219
TIP-TANKS AND TAILPIPES (THE WALL) 34
TITANIC 47
TOAST TO THE BLUE ANGELS 107
TOO LONG AT ITAZUKE 123
TO THE REGALARS 56
TO THE TABLES DOWN AT SISI. .,. . r „. ..... *?c, 233
TWO LADIES WERE CONFIDING fL " ' '" "' ~U 190
UNCLE JOHN AND AUTIE MABLE^-—^/' 3JJ 29
UP THE DUFF ~ ;/ .,■■.../>■ - - -^to,l, ,/, cL;fl,U -,,,^ 244
VIOLATE ME '' /y 148
VIRGIN STURGEON 206
WALTZING MATILDA . -- v .,. 297
WE SOLD OUR COW"" - > ; :■'"/ : 238
WEST VIRGINIA HTLLS„, C^-L-J-'i' ^ ■ «-r~ ^
WHEN YOUR LEAVES HAVE TURNED_TO SILVER^,- } ■■ -''" v* ' • 3$/i-
^ j.
WIFFENPOOF SONG. ^7 .*■*. -^ -• >" _>/*"V: „ 196
WIRRAWAYS DON'T^WORRY ME . ; "'"" ,V, 278
WRECK OF OLD '97 ' -I 51
YOU CAN TELL A FIGHTER PILOT %- 32
/ <'-7 ■ • /
0-
SAMMT SMALL _~ 2
SAVE A FIGHTER PILOT•ASS 73
SEOUL CHI SUE 104
SEPBSQA (I DON'T KNOW ttHAT IT MEANS EITHER 188
XSHMOTT0WN„ -,,■ /- ,. 228
SHOW ME THE WAT TO GO HOMB ' 168
SIDI SALIMANE SONG 236
SILVER THREADS AMOUNT THE GOLD 19
.SING US ANOTHER ONE, DO 139
SIX POUNDS OF BOOBIES 22
SIXTEEN TIMES 198
SONG "R" AND »R» 26
SONG OF THE 18th 124
SONG OF THE SJ&RES 268
SONG OF THE ZULU WARRIORS 60
SOUTH OF THE BORDER 231
SPANISH GUITAR 184 ~~
SPOT PROMOTION 97
SPRING TIME ON THE TALU 55
SQUADRON SONGS 63
STAND TO TOUR GLASSES 59
STAT WITH GOD 8
STRAFERS 84
STRAFIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN 75
STREET CLEARNERS SONG 230
STTLES <_ v-.,.,., ~:' .,>••.,•. •,.< c: > 5
T.A.C. HEADQUARTERS 282
TACHIKAWA, TOKAHAMA, ITAZUKE 108
TAEGU GIRLS 81
TATOOED LADT 79
TELL ME WHT 186
TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS 217
THE AIR FORCE LAMENT 37
THE B-36 151
THE BALLS OF O'LEART 158
THE BASTARD KING OF ENGLAND 159
THE BLOODT GREAT WHEEL 11
THE CAMEL 90
THE CANDLE SONG 179
THE CHEETAS 177
THE CO-ED AND THE CADET 173
THE COLONEL'S LAMENT 245
THE COMMIES LAMENT 211
THE COWBOT'S LAMENT 293
THE CUCKOO SONG 72
THE DAMN DUMMT 265
THE FAIRCHILD ABORTION 100
THE FIGHTIN' 68th 127
THE FOGGT, FOGGT DEW 294
THE FORMATION 118
THE FOUR BASTARDS 295