T JL- Q N F"
THE ONLY
D^ker House
SUPER-DUPEP
EXTPfl CRUDE
BELL BOTTOM TROUSERS
CHORUS
Singing a bell bottom trousers, coats of Navy blue,
Let him clinb the rigging like hie daddy ueed to do.
Now once there was a waitress in the Prince George Hotel,
Her mistress was a la<3y, and her master was a s*ell.
They knew ehe was a simple girl, and lately from the farm,
So they watched her carefully, to keep ;her from all harm.
CHORUS
The forty^eecond fuselears came marching into town,
And with'em came a compliment of rapists of Ireknown.
They busted every maidenhead that come vithin their spell,
But they never made the waitress from the Prince George Hotel.
CHORUS
Next came a company of the Prince of Wales Hussars,
They piled into the whore houses and they packed along the bars,
Many ; a maiden, mistress, and a wife before them fell,
But they never made the waitress from the Prince George Hotel.
CHORUS
One day there came a sailor, an ordinary bloke,
A bulging at the toousers with a heart of solid oak>
At sea without a women for sever years or more,
There wasn't any need to ask what he was looking for.
CHORUS
He asked her for a candlestick to light his way to bed,
He asked her for a pillow to test his weary £ead,
And speaking very gently, just ae if he meant no harm;
He asked her if ehe'd come to bed, just eo's to keep him warm.
CHORUS
She lifted up the blanket, and a moment there did lie,
He was on her, he was in her; in the twinkling of ah eye.
He was out again, and in again, and flowing up a storm.
But the only word ehe spoke to him: I hope you're keeping warm.
CHORUS
Then early in;the morning, the sailor he aroee,
Saying: Here's a two pound note, my dear, for the damage I have caused.
If you have a daughter, bounce her on your knee,
And if you lave a son, send the bastard out to sea.
CHORUS
And now sue sits aside the dock, a baby on her knee,
Awaiting for the sailing ships, a comin1 home from sea.
Waiting for the jol}y tars in Navy uniforms,
And all she wants to do, my boys, is keep the Navy warm.
CHORUS
SEVEN OLD LADIES
CHORUS
Oh dear, what can the matter be
Seven old latiee locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Hobody taev they were there.
{wm to come)
-2-
*-—t old lady woe Elizabeth Porter
HJS vie the deacon of Dorecheeter's daughter
She went to releive a alight pressure flf water
Hdbody knew ehe wae there.
Se^econd old ladj wae Abi|pil Splatter
She went there 'cause something wae eurely Ithe magftpr
When ehe got there it wae only her bladder
And nobody knew ehe wae there.
CHORUS
The third Qld lady wee Ameba Gerpickle
Her urge wae sincere—her reaction wae fickle
Hhe hurdled the door; she'd forgottenttier nickle
And nobody knew ehe* wae there.
CHORUS
The fourth olfl lady wae Hlldegard Foglo
Wae relieved when the swelling wae only a boil
She hadn't been living according to Hoyle
And nobody knew ehe wae there.
CHORUS
The fifth old lady wae linily Grancy
She went there 'cauee something tickled her fancy
When ehe got there, it wae ante in her pantey
And nobody knew ehe wae there.
CHORUS
The eix6h old lady wae extremely fertile
Her name wae 01 Conner, the boye called her Jfyrtle
She went there to repair a hole in her girdle
And nobody knew ehe wae there.
CHORUS
The seventh old lady wae Agatha Jender
She went there to rppair a broken euepender
It enapped up and ruined her feminine gender
And nobody knew ehe wae there.
CHORUS
The Janitor came £n the early morning
He opened the door In the early morning
And seven old ladiee their eeats were adorning
And nobody knew they were there.
CHORUS
23* LITTLE HOUSE W JEACOK STREET
Oh, little house on Beacon Street
How bright they red light ehown-
There wae but one cop on the street,
And he wae bribery prone.
.3ut then the Vice Squad stepped in
And cloeed your familiar doore.
The joye and fears of many men
Went with your well-trained whores.
CHRISOMftS DAY
(tuna: frere Jacques)
Christina* Day, Christmas Day,
Save your tree, save your tree,
Shove it up the ohiumey, shove it up the chimney,
Goose Saint Hick, goose Saint Mick.
«4-
TBE MOMEY BOLLS IN
(tune: tty Bonnie liee over the Ocean)
My brother makes booze In the bathtub
jty sieter makes synthetic gin
j^r eieter makee love on the side,
ity God how thdipney rolle in.
CSOiUS: Rolle in, rolle in, my God how the money rolle in, rolle inV
Rolle in, rolle in, my God how the money rolle in.
Ify mother's a boarding house keeper
jSach night ae the lights grow dim
She hangs a red light in the window
j/t? God Ihow the money rolle in.
UEORUS
*fer brother^ a great ieelonary
He eaves film girls from ein
Tor five bucks he111 eave you a nice one
*£- God how the money rolle in.
CHORUS
CATS OK THE ROOFTOP
(tune: Jrhn peel)
IThere were cats on the rooftops,
Dats on the tiles, cats with the sjphills,
Cats with the piles,
Dats with their assholes wreathed in smiles,
Beveling in the Joys of fornication.
Kow the hippotomus, eo it seems
Hovers, povers, hie wet dreame,
3ut when it comes, ^it comes in streams,
Beveling in the joys of fornication.
Oh, 3'ou voke ujxpi the morning with an
upright exand,
urinary pressure of the prostrate gland.
And you haven't got a woman, so you jerk it
off by hand,
Beveling in the joys of masturbation.
CAPITALIST WAR SONG
Come all ye Union haters
Red and Labor baiters
Fight, Fight, Fight for Capital
Hfave the bloody sabre
Crush the rights of labor
Fight, fight, fight for Capital
Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn
Damn the stupid massed
Fight, fight, fight, fight
For the upper classes.
(Repeat first verse)
GOD BLESS FREE EKPERPRISE
(Tunme: God Jilees America)
God blees free enterprise, system devine
Stand beeide her
And guide her
Just eo long ae the profits are fine.
Good old Wall Street, may she flourish,
Corporations, may they grow.
God bleee free enterprise, the statue quo.
Cod blaes free enterprise, the etatue quo.
8
THE GOOD SHIP VENUS
SSSSftha good ship*Venue
you really should have seen ue
Mtth a figurehead of a whore In bed
And a mast of 9 phallic genus.
The captain of the lugger
Wee known as a filthy bugger
Declared unfit to shovel ehit
From one ehip to another
CHORUS
The cabin boy1 e name wae Chipper
A randy little nipper
He made a pass with a broken glass
And circuneised the skipper.
CHOHJS
The firet mate's name \me Morgsn
Boy God he was a «M^?an
From half past eight he'd play tell late
Upon the captain's organ
CHOHJS
The captain's wife W8S Charlotte
Born and bred a harlot
Her thighs at night were lily white
By morning they were ecarlet.
* CHORUS
She captainls daughter Mabel
Though young was fceaeh and able
To fornicate with the second mate
Upon the chartroom table.
ChORUS
The captain's youngest daughter
Wae washed into the water
Her plaintive squeale announced that eels
Had found her sexual quarter
CHOHJS
The ship dog's name was Rover
We turned the poor thing over
And ground and ground that faithful hound
From Tenerief to Dover,
CHOHJBS
find when we reached our station,
Through skilful navigation
The ehip got sunk in a wave of gunk
From too much fornication.
CHORUS
THE SHI3S NAVY (TONE: The Old Grey Mare)
We don't have to march in the infantry, ride in the cavalry,
Shoot in the artillery,
We don't have to fly over Germany We're in the Swiss Navy,
We're in the Swiss Navy, we're in the Swiee Navy.
Oh, we don't have to march in the infantry, etc. (repeat verse)
We can drink champagne with the beet of them.
Gin with the worst of them, beer with the reet of $hem.
We are the empire's big hairy cheeted men,
We're in the Swiee Navy
We're in the Swiee Navy, we're in the Swiss Navy.
Oh. ve can drink chsmDa#ie with the beet of them* etc. (Repeat verse)
10
LADY GODIVA
Godiva wae a lady who through Cot entry did ride,
To ehov the royal villagers her fine and pure white hide,
The meet observant man of all, an engineer of course,
Wae the only man who noticed that Godtva rode a horse.
CHOHJS: We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the engineers,
We can, we can, we can, we can demolish forty beers,
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum, drink rum and come along with us, /
For Ire don't give a damn for any damn man who don't give a damn fowfe.
She said, "I We come a long, long way and I will go as far
With the man who takee from me this horee and leads me to a bar
WhajuiAUhBKigakxlBKrxfrBiixkKrxf >,KBiysBir1isaUrr)tt»xiixbMr',
fknk The man who took her from her steed and led her to a bar,
Was a bleary eyed survivor and a drunken engineer•
Vfy father was a miner from the northern malemute,
tty mother was a mistrees of a house of ill repute,
The last time that I saw them, these words rang In my ears,
Go to MIT you eon of fe 3____and join the engineers.
The Array and the Navy went out to have some fun,
They went down to the taverns where fiery liquors run,
But all they found were empties for the engineers had come,
And traded all their Instruments for gallon kegs of rum.
.♦ Sir FRancie Drake and all hie ships set out for Cazlais way,
They heard that the Spanish rum fleet was headed out their way,
AM theugfcgtoaaksahaatSfflmtgfehe^ frpuasfci^tcenidhh&firatBeji,say:
Venus was a statue made entirely oi stone,
Without a stitch upon her, shekwas naked as a bone,
On seeing that she had no clothes ari| engineer discoursed,
Why the damn thing's only concrete and should be reinforced.
Pfcinceton's run by Wellesley, Wellesley'e run by Yale,
Yale is run by Vgjyarj and Vasear's run by tail,
Harvard's run by stiff pricks, the kind you raise by hand,
But Tech ie run by engineers, the finest in the land'.'!J.'
If we should find a Harvard mtfn within our sacred walls,
We'll take him up to physics lab and amputate his balls,
And If he hollars Uncle, I'll tell you what we'll do,
We'll stuff his ass with broken glass and seal it up with glue,
MTT was MIT when Harvard wae a pup,
And Hit will be MIT when Harvard's busted up
And any Harvard son of a bitch who thinks he's in oar class,
Can pucker up his rosy lips and kiss the beaver's ess.
A maiden and an engineer were eittlng in the park,
The engineer wae working on some research after dark.
Hie scientific method wae a marvel to observe,
While his right hand wrote the figures, his left hand traced the curves.
la
WHEW I CAMS HOME
The f lret night I came home, drunk ae I could be,
I eav a horee In the eteble, vhere my horse ought to be,
"Come here little vlfey, explain youreelf to me
Why ie there a horee in the eteble, where my horee ought to be"
"Why you durn foil, you blame old fool, can't you ever eee,
It'e only a milk cow my mother sent to me."
Nov I've been living in this world, forty years or more
And I never eaw a milk cow with a saddle on before.
The next night, when I came home, drunk ae I could be,
I eav a coat on the coat rack, vhere my coat ought to be.
"Come here, little vlfey, explain youreelf to me
Why le there a coat hanging on the rack vhere my coat ought to be"
"Why you durn fool, you blame fool, can't you ever eee
It'e only a bed quilt my mother gave to me."
Nov I've been living in this world forty years orlmore
And I nevar eav a bed quilt with pockete on before.
The next night, vhen I came heme, drunk as I couldlbe,
I eav a pair of pants on the table vhere my pants ought to be,
MkfJtxxOaax "Come here little vlfey, and explain yourself to me.
Why ie there a pair of pants on the tdble vhere my pants ought to be."
<8Why you durn fool, you blame -fool, canft you ever see,
It's only a petticoat my mother gave to me."
Now I've been lving In this world forty years or more
And I $ever sav a petticoat vith suspenders on before.
The next night vhen I came home, drunk as I could be,
I eav a head lying on the bed, vhere mly head ought to be,
"Come here, little vlfey, explain yourself to me
Why le that head on the plllov vhere my head ought to be"
"Why you durn fool, you blame fool, can't you ever see,
It's only a cabbage head my mother gave to me."
Nov I've been living in this world forty Jeers or more,
And I never eav a cabbage head with a moustache on before.
HERE'S TO GOOD OLD 3EER
Here's to good old beer, drink her dovn, drink her dovn,
Here's to good old beer, drink her dovn, drink her dovn,
Here's to good old beer, far it makes you feel so queer,
Here's to good old beer, drink her dovn, dovn, down.
CHORUS
Boiling home, dead drunk, rolling home dead drunk,
Bytthe light of the silvery mo-o-n,
Happy as the day vhen the students get *zvay,
Ae ve go rolling, rolling home (dead drunk).
TO CONTINUE:
Here1 s to good old whiskey, it makes you feel so frlnsky....
Here's to good old sherry, far it keep* you brlgit and merry,...
Here's to sparkling ale, for It keeps you bright and hale,.•. •
Here's to good old rum, for it'll turn you to a bum....
Here'e to good hard cider, it trill make you vara Insider.....
Here's to good old part, ft fives you lots of sport.....
Here's to good verncuth, for it cuakaa you so uncouth......
13
FOGGY FOGGY DEtf
When I wae a bachelor, I lived all alone
I worked at the weaver's trade;
And the only, only thing that I did that wae wrong
Wae to woo a fair young maid*
I wooed in the wintertime, and in the stammer, too,
And the the only thing that I did that wae wrong,
Wae to keep her from the foggy, foggy dew.
One night she knilt close by my side
When I wae fast asleep
She threw her arms around my neek and then began to weep,
She wept, she cried, she tore her hair,
Alas, what could I do.
So all night long, I held her in my arms,
Just to keep her fro®, the foggy,foggy dew*
Again I'm a bachelor, I live with my eon,
We work at the weaver's trade;
And every single time I fcook into hisx eyes
He reminds me of the winter time,
And of the summer too,
And of the many, many times, that I held her in my arms
Just to beep her from the foggy, foggy dew.
LAT YODR GIRLS ON BOUGHS OF HOLLY
Lay your girls on boughs of holly,
Fa, la, la, la, la,la, la,la.
That's a reason to be Jolly,
Fa, la, la, etc.
Been so long I can't remesber,
Fa, la, la, etc.
Think I had it last Deceaber,
Fa, la, la, etc.
Choose you now, you lads, your lassie,
Fe, la, la, etc.
Don't get pige, be sure they're classy,
Fa, la, la, etc.
Shed you now your gay apparel,
Fa, la ,1a, etc.
Have you tried it in a barrel,
Fa, la, la, etc.
And when you have had your evening,
Fa, la, la, etc.
Her apartment let's be leaving,
Fa, la, la, etc.
Don you now your gay apparel,
Fa, la, la, etc.
Row we've made our Chrletmaa Carol,
Fa, la, la, etc.
& 7
TBS WOODPECKER'S BOLE
t ttttok my finger in the woodpecker fe bole,
And the woodpecker said, nGod damn your eoul;"
Take It out ...take It out... take It out.. .re—-move it.
I removed my finger from the woodpecker** hole,
And the woodpecker said, God damn your soul;"
Pub It back.. .put It back.. .put It back.. .re—pla*e It.
I replaced ay finger in the woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, God damn your soul;'1
Turn around...turn around...turn around...re--volve it.
I revolved my finger in the woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, God damn your soul;
Wrong way.. .wrong way. • .wrong way.. .re—verse it.
I reversed my finger in the woodpecker's hole.
And the woodpecker said, "God damn your soul;
Take it out...take it out...take it out.. .re—move it.
(An unusaally fussy woodpecker, eh what)
Go
■;•;/ ;*\'0-"h^-v r::i!."3f? occr in thfc bathbup5
r.:y v-c.> rv:-!:.:;:.\ r.ytw.hjtic ;-;ir». .
L.'y s.U :,:r ■.■'•'•:c3 iov*; on the sofa,
"My God ho:/ the r.-ioncy rolls in.
holla J i' 1 spoils in7,, .My ~od ho».v Lho i.onsy rolls in
k'nlis li:\ halls inl,-!Iy 'Jod hot; the money rolls in
,".;;.* mother's a board liij rouso koopor,
She era, :t a i jel 3 I Tit in the windov/j
ky ."od'hO'-v the - :;oney rolls iru
CilOhLk
"y trothr,:?'s a . r-^: t missionary,
Ho ;fiv^s yocrv fJrls from sin,.
For five bucks h'j'll seivo you a nice ens
:,h/ r;od hovf .the son^y rolls in.
THE Sv.SiTHhART'OF SIX oTfliiS GUYS
Tile ;;irl of iny dreams has died her hahrm
A brillint shnxzde of red
She Uio-it^S; sho r.noKOS, she tells dirty jok/;**,
Sins hasn't a Main in her hoad,
She things that liquor calces tho v;orld- go round
She dr-nks more than you or I
The c;ix-l of :uy dreams ain't as dumb as she seomu,
She1 a tho sweetheart of six other '-aiya.
ON TOP OF OLD SOPHIE
On top of old Sophie,
All Covered with Sire at
I've used fourteen rubbers> And she hasn't come yet,
For fuckins a pleasure, and farbin's a relief,
2ut a lonn: winded lover, Y«ill brinjj nobbing but ^rief,
She:11 kiss you an hug you, And 5-ay it■ v#onf t be Ion-'*,,
But tv;o hours later, She's*, still 'Din?; strong
So cono all you younr lovers, And lis ton to me,
Don'4*, "taste Irou.r erection on a Ion?*: winded she,
Ro:c .your* root; v/ill just v. I thai*. And your paction will die,
And rhci v: ill forsake you, And you'll :;ev^r kaov/ v/hy.
id I:. i>.^.u ouhro ^ULi'vi
Off v-,- .o into ;,bo v/ild bifid yonder-------------------C. SII
AtfCUOhL AY.EIOIi