_01.gif)
Jfexom Josejphine. bought a washing i^ac^ine. (
fpr f1eoseshe was told it was the easy way, >
But fate was mean, to little Josephine. y
Wot ^hen she leaned over the othetMay i J
Choruses
She got 1HEM caught in the wringer
B|e finest PAIR in town
She cied & Cried, she almost died,
She could1 n't pull the darn things out no matter she tried*
She got them caught in the wringer
It warn a terrihle sight,
fhey were the finest sh owned, It's no wonder she groaned,
low can she show them off at night 1
i
She got THEM cautht la the wringer,
It roused the wholft neighborhood,
Each one in sight, tried withe all their might,
To extricate the lady from her terrihle plight,
Sfce got them caught in the wringer
HelpJ HelpI the poor girl did shout,
They called Senator O1 Toole, hecause he had a pull,
fe tried "but he could*at get them out.
es, poor kid)
She got them caught in the wringer ,
It was painfullto he hold,
They did their most, to find ways & means,
And just as they were giving up ilir WALKED TWO MARINES
*They pulled---them out of the wringer,
How they did Gawd only biowe,
;It's no wonder that she rared, he was happy that she'd shared*
A LOVELY PAIR. ... OP HYLOF HOSE J
dqipt give m a mom
Oh, pleaae donft give me a goos%Sq^ Christmas, Grandma,
■/ A goose would*flgfl» he nervous as the duece *-*"w
I1** eo, very tender Grandma,
Ifm so very touchy, what's the use!
I was "brought up on a such farm, Grandma,
**■ Where the ducks go w&uack, quack, quack!
But if you do give me a goose fur Xmas Grandma,
I never again will turn my back,
So, give me two tickets for the Follies,
Orf a pussy like Aunt Mollies,
But ELEASEU^donH give me a goosef Cos I eanft take it (Yell and jurro.
forward)
OH, HJIaSE! DOH1 T GIVE ME A GOOSE.
POEM; GOOSEY BILL (Sad music: HEaHTS & FLOWERS VERY SOFT)
Ve buried our old pal Bill to day*
Our companion* of pipe & bowl,
We've been on many a drunk together
Damn his good old soul.
But I always had Bill bested,
In the art of drinking boose,
But the guy that could beat bill### Jazzing,
Sever walked in a pair of shoee*
But it was'nt jazz that killed poor Bill
Jfor booze that took away his breath,
But a fly ... crawled up Billfes rectum,
>AHD TICKLED POOE BILL TO HEATH I
%I I just returned a week ago from hollywood
And gee I itfs great to he "back "because
Ho matter how much you like the movie game
It18 not the same-
You mis8 the applause
iio matter how Mg you are -no matter how small,
Out there on the coast, I111 tell you the most
Important things of them all*
CHORUSES
loufve gotta hare ITin Hollywood
If is a wonderful thing
You'te gotta hare II in Hollywood
If you wanna stay in the ring*
All the annimals have it, Lassie1© never alone,
All the dogs in Hollywood follow Lassie home,
toawford has IT-Grahle has IT-that*s why they're sublime,
larger!te O'Brien found out she had it all the time, £
fou MUSI have IT in Hollywood }
IT is a wonderful!.thing. I
You gotta hve IT in Hollywood,
it is a wonderful thing,
lou gotta have IT in Hollywood,
If you wanna stay in the ring,
Jimmy Durante has IT, they say it's in his nose
And if he has it somewhere else, now xhere do you suppose?
Dotty LamoUi? has IT* Row there is no doubt,
» Shefs got IT where the con£orfs canft cut it out,
jYou MUST have IT in Hollywood,
' JlT is a wonderful thing,
TTes, you gotta have IT in nim-land, (
Or you can't do a gosh darn thing, /
You gotta have it in Flim-land -
If you want the hell to ring,
Lana Turner had IT- it was all in a hunch
But she last it when 'furhan Bey took her out to lunch
Rox Rogers has it, we all know of course,
It's not on Roy at all, Itfs onHTriggerM his horse,
You must have IT in Hollywood
IT is a wonderful thing.
Extra catch.line* i
fyank Sinatra has It, his crooning really thrills ', ! ^
|f you wanna know where he g4ts it -Itfs from those Vitamin Pilis,
You must have it in Hollywood, It is a wonderful thing.
fHB CAME IN HIS BEST StMHY SOllf"""* ■ I
I ' (
Verse *
Now Johnny was a kid, like all other kids,
Hie girls put his head in a whirl,
He liked to tease and play around,
¥ith each little & Pearl
Hp had a suit, oh hoy I what a suit,
Itiat was giTen to him "by a fiend, |
1% fitted so tight it just wasfnt right, J
When hefd "bend it would kink in the end* (
But still, for his first affair,
That suit he wanted to wear*
CHORUSES
Folks all wondered why, he was so very shy,
It was all on account of that day
His girl asked him over to play,
ABD HE CaME*IH HIS BEST SUNDAY SUIT. 1
Got so excited, the spark was ignighted * |
h4 hardly could wait for the chance, )
He felt he had ants in his pants, (
SO he CAME IN HIS BEST SUKD3Y SUIT*
\faenhfee rang the "bell, the feeling was swell
And he blAshed to the roots of his hair,
'Cos he was the only one one there
WHO CAME*IU HIS BEST SUNDAY SUIT.
She took off his hat, on a couch they sat,
For no rhyme or reason ailall!
They fell on the floor in the hall,
AJD HE CAME-IN HIS BEST SUNDAY SUIT* , e
A. ' *
Sle ruffled his hair, what a "beautiful pair /
And "both were quite happy & gay
He's quite satisfied to this day,
THAT HE CAME*IN HIS BEST SUNDAY SUIT.
He didfntl4#k very well, kis clothes shot to*•••pieces,
But too late, the damage was done,
It surely was "barrels of fun
TO COME-IN HIS BEST SUNDAY SUIT.
• »■■
■<■ ****** SHE TICKLE»*i» OEWTLFMAE'S m$S&£ '[,
.- ? • , ;
1 'f
Spoken s Ladies and Gentlemen — Here's a little ditty about a little lass
Who devoted much of her time spreading mirth and laughter-I hope
you like it*
/ fe^se J
/ Belinda Blair sold underwear and worked for Mr Macey, 4
One day and gentlemen came in and asked for something lacey,
She knew from looking at him that he must "be a millionaire
So iwhen he sared at her and smiled, She gave him stare for stare#
Chcjs
And she tickled the gentleman's fancy like it had never 'been tickled "befor
He asked to see her lingerie, that tickled his fancy more,
He took her to his pent house, anf filled her full of gin
And there she tickled his fancy—Veil, she tickled him under the chin.
Verse
He opened iap her eyes to things, and when he finally kissed her, *
He told her things shefd never knowed, and he hoped she had a sisffer,
His manner was so charming, he had lovely hair, f
She always knew that shefd le glad, she showed him her underwear*
Chorus
Foz|, she, tickled the gentleman's fancy, like it had never 'been tickled
before
Ard every day in seme new way, he tickled her fancy more,
He "bought her pearls and diamond rings, and a coat of Russian mink,
He ralways tickled her fancy well, the gentleman tickled her pink.
1
Chorus i
For, they, tickled each others fancy, whenever it suited their whim,
They fiddled around, he tickled her (girlish laugh) and then she tickled
him (Mannish laugh)
0hf tbey both would scream with laughter9 until they were out of "breath,
!They tickled each other fancy, until they were tickled to death*
3HHf *******
i
^*«*W TWIN KIDS Mm*
GOT MAIS ~~
Terse N
Mister and Mrs Truly Wed
Stapght a little house and moved right in
BouMless because they were newly-weds
Something always interfered when they1d begin
To make the place cczy & clean
Here's the sort of thing I mean; .
^Tixp cuttains did'nt get hung
Thp Curtains did'nt get hung -
She stood on top the ladder reaching high up into space
But his
ftye'8
were not on curtains, tho* the two were made of lace,
"You1 d/better take them down" he said, a smile upon his face,
So the curtains didfnt get hmng.
And the dinner didfnt get cooked,
Hof the dinner didfnt get cooked,
Vhen he came home and smelt the food, of course he had to snoop
She was working in the kitchen opening up a can of soup
He saw her little *CAIT" and lost his appetite for soup,
jSo the dinner didfnt get cooked.
|
JAlS&tS&e carpet didfnt get laid,
*
N9fthe carpet didfnt get laid
She struggled with the rug and didfnt know what to do
She looked so pretty kneeling, it thrilled him thru1 and Thru1
He said MYou canft do that alone, itfs
"hard" enough for two,
So the carpet didfnt get daid (1 #aid, the carpet)
Uow the washing never got done
Uo, the washing never got done,
Her Bendix would1 nt- start, when she was ready to "begin
"Let me show you how it works" he
told her with a grin
The thing ran like a charm as soon as he had "plugged it in"
g
But
the
washing never got done. \
I
i
jffow, the Twin beds never got made
No, the twin "beds never got made,
All the thru1 the week they spent each night in just one little
bed
But; "by Sunday, Mrs Newly wed, felt very nearly dead
Add! HE was so knocked out he
could scarcely "raise his head"
So the twin beds never got made.
Finish
So donft "be like the Truly -Weds, if you are newly wed
After moving in your little home "be sensible instead
Remember all the moving isfnt always done in "bed
So take it easy, thatfs my advice,
You'll last much linger------
You1re married for a long, long, time.
i
_ STORY SONG?* ' Lt)USY iOUSIA ;_ ■*—
Verse
Cruel are the ways of the cityf
Crasls are the cries of the crowd,
So I "beseech you have pity,
Hold up your head not too proud.
Poor little Lousy Lousia, j
Was a girl who spent her time, J
But she spent it in a Women's Penitentiary i1'
Charged with an ancient crime. i
Her attorney fought long to save her, *
And the tears rolled down his cheeks, \
When the mean old Jury gave her,
A vacation for thirty weeks,
He turned to the Judge with a final plea,
And said your Honor canft you see,
This may teave happened to you or to me,
Had we a horror in our family,
Chlrus
#or she had her mother to guide her, :
Into the ways of sin-
Her mother was always "beside hetr,
Reeking and shrieking in Gin*
So "blame not poor Lousy Louisa,
Give her your pity instead *
For her mother is now "bed-ridden /
While little Lousia, Yes, little Louisa, )
IS NURSING A BABY INSTEAD. *
Talks Ladies and Gentlemen* I'd like to tell you the story abdut the Seven
Old Ladies who were locked in the Lavatory. ( to pianists THANK YOU J)
Sing
- *fc9w yiRST old lady was Ethel Royd Porter
^"And she was the Bishop of Chicherster*s daughter
She want to relieve a slight pressure of wate^
And no"ho<iy krwr^ she was there •
OhorUS may "be sung after each verse inviting the audience to join in)
1TE0RUS
Oh, dear, what can the matter he
Seven olf ladies were locked in the lavatory j
They, were there, from Monday till Saturday *
Nobody knw they were there.
I VEHSBS
The second old lady was Clementine Adder
Itfho thought that she knew all the quirks of the bladder |
But when she got there she was wiser hut sadder I
And nobody knew she was there* J
The THIRD old lady was Evsline Taney
Who felt something there was tickling her fancy
But when she got there ft was ants in her pantsy
And nobody knew she was there •
The FOURTH old lady was Nellie Q Pickle
^ Who was afflicted with reflexes fickle,
i She hurdled the door when she lost her nickle
ftjid nobody knew she was there •
the* Fifthe old lady was Louise M. Humpfrey^; o*
Ttf&en she sat down she could not^let her huHg'free \
She said "Never mind, I am perfectly comfy, t
And nohody knew she was there • *
The Sixth old lady was Branda Duff Frazier
She had been drinking beer af er beer
And came to repair a broken brazziere,
And nobody knew she was there.
The SEVENTH old lady was Mary L# Spender
Po wentto repair a broken suspender
a* hed snapped up and injured her f emine gender £ .
d npbody knew she was there• *
She janitor came on Saturday mprnin'
And opened the door without any warnin*
To find all the seats, the ladies adorning;
CAUSE NOBODY KNEW THEI WERE THERE.
A A 'A "A A W 7v A VI A A A A A 'A A A A"A 7» 'A "A "A "A "A"A A %*A 7V K A A A AVI A A %V\
#*| lW^*!E GUY ¥Hp TOOK A SHIP TW f
^ Verse w £
Save you heard the story of the threes young men
Who went out on a hike one Sunday?
Bow, two went "by train the other took a lioat
And they told him that hefd get there Monday,
Hft&l&c* waB
Vk& fellow
who took the boat
While t£i6 other "boy© kidded me & got my feast
But after what happened that day,
I'm glad X went ffljf way*
Chorus
^w ifm the goy who took a ship for himself
I'm tickled to death that I took a ship for myself
- My friends all stood & laughed, when they saw me take a crafty
But the train THEY took was in a wreck. r
Mew they1 re both laid up with a broken neck, '
That's why Ifm glad I took a little canoe i
I alone was the Captain, Steward and crew-
•
How I want the world the know, that no matter where I go,
I'll always take a ship-for myself•
Chorus
Ifm the guy who took a £iip for himself,
I'm tickled to death that I took a ship for myself
ISo donft you ever laugh, when a fellow take a craft,
For a little cruise on the deep "blue sea,
Brings you vigour & vitality,
?
Thatfs why I'm glad I took a little canoe-
J
I alone was the Captain, Steward and crew- I
How I want the world to know, that no matter where I go,
I always take-a-ship for myself.
,^
Verse
0
Every time we take a trfp you always get jay goat
I like trains and buses, You like a ferry "boat
Well, the next time we go travelling ships are out, arid'I declare
You go your way, 1*11 go mine, I'll meet you over there.
J Chorus
♦ You, take, a ship for yourself f
1*11 go by train by myself- \
M yo& canft fly in planes, ride in "buses or in trains, I
Then go take-a ship for yourself
Take a "battleship, andexcursion ship, any old ship will do
And if you can take a "big ship, then take a small canoe,
Bon Voyage to you my friend, Ifll meet you at the journey's end
If you like "briny sea1 s-rolling waves and ocean breeze
Then go I take 1 a ship for yourself.
Finish (livelytempo)
I Sailing, sailing, over the bounding main
Maybe that gives wu Pleasure, but it give m# an awful pain
Sailing, sailing, is*nt it lovelv weather»
Perhaps Ifll change my mind and wefLL both take a ship together
I „____. ME IEBHIS HATCH ____. —•
Spoken* Speaking of Sports* I mean, Out-door Sports, no doubtmany of you
have played the game known a* "Tenuis11 for the benefit of those who haven* tp
Ifd like to say "Tennis is just a "racket"• Tennis professionals are usually
satisfied with "Set" profits — As many of you know. Tennis is a game that is
played with a racket and Soft Balls I
Sing*
A tennis game at Forrest Hills (Or mame local Club) {
Vas ready to begin-- /
The nerrous players faced the court *
And wondered who would win
A crowd of eager Tennis fans
Were imeked into the stalls .1
When suddenly someone discorered
That nobody had any halls I
Spbkens Then suddenly a "Pansy" spoke up (Usance voice) 1 h
1 nave Two-hut heaven only knows what they axe for".
Sings {
A futile frantic search began )
They searched the rooms and halls l
They looked in closets and in drawers
But nobody had any balls
They went among the audience
And asked the guys and dolls
But none had any they could spare
Nobody had any halls*
SBpken %
A hundred and 50 physicians were there
Fif ty or sixty Opticians were there
Paul Vhlteman and his muecians were there
But nobody had any balls f
Seventy or eighty tailors were there \
And fifty nine British sailors were there /
And seventy-eight San Quentin Jailors were there
But nobody-had-any-balls I
Sing*
The impatient crowd let out a rear
That echoed through the walls
Vhat seems to be holding up the game?
And somebody shouted "Balls" 1
And so they had to call the game
They could1 nt get started on time f
So the moral of the story is* ;
I
Spoken: hell I there IS no moral•
1 * ■
SIOT IK HER BOX
TALK: Ladies and Gentlemen* I nave a little number here, I think* m
you'll enjoy. It's not too fast, not too slow, just a half ass little- a *
ditty, in which we discuss the Chorus girls — not ae an individual, bfr|'*&s
WHOLE! This is a little story about a girl who danced very well with Irer
right leg, with her left leg she was'nt so good. But, bctweem the tw©>'//s(
she made a hell of a good living. Our scene is laid at the Metropolitan
Opera House. And this story had a moral proving that crime does*at pay
——in the end.
Verse '
There's "been a murder at the Met. Tie, a murder at the Met.
Society has kicked over all it's traces.
Put so many en the spot, therers a famous lady shot,
In the most peculiar, of peculiar places.
Chorus
She was, in her box, at the Opera,
Here's a story, oh, sad to impart
It's of deaf Lady Eeffington, Sweet Lady Eeffington,
Patron of music and art,
Gay Lady Eeffington, Sweet Lady Heffington,
She "beauty with big golden locks
She's been brutally shot, in a vulnerable spot}
She was shot.•.in her bex....at the Opera.
Chorus
She was shot - in her box - at the Opera,
The most out-standing box, at the Met.
And *T gossips guessed rightly, she used the thing nightly,
For reasons one ought to forget.
M?, not Lady Heffington, Dear Lady Heffington,
She enterained MEH, like a fox,
Men found recreation, and sound relaxation,
In Dear Lady Heff ington's box.
Chorus !
She was shot- in her box - at the Opera
And oh, What a pitiful sight,
There were * different views, on the front of the news
When the papers came out, last night,
But dear Lady Eeffington, ©ay Lady Eeffington,
Tho loaded with diamonds and rocks,
The papers Just read "Lady Hef fie is dead"
She was shot- in her box - at the Opera.
Finishj It was awfully well meant, She passed out content
As if by reouest. they-laid her— to rest, i.
She was *#«*- in her box - at the Opera. I
f\ ' lost Sigh* On the Baok ^orch.
J (Extra Chorueee)
le lived her in Sew Jersey where the skeetere esse from
He loved her ©at in Ustbaeh end yoa know that's going aoae
Be loved her in Hoboken and she raved to ▼tail Cork
Bat lest night out on the eld baok poroh, he showed her old
Sew York*
He loved her ©a Saas and he 8ent her & watch
He loved her on Hew Year's and he sent a quart ©f 3 cot oh
Se loved her for her birthday, sent a lavalier and chain
But last night out on the old baok porch he took them baok again.
« X§»" l«w«d her at the %nem land It was wmrf swello-^01
7 J« leved her In the ae*M that*e the plane they all love vail
, /fce loved her at the foitXW out they got a lot of eheeks
1/ So last night oat on/the old bank posch he played her music box,
■ He loved her in Spanish and he loved her in Treaeh
le loved her la Russian and he rushed her to a Bench.
He loved her ia the Chinese which is alghty hard to apeak
But last night out on the old bask poroh he found a«r with a Greek.
Be loved her In the day school and he loved her at night
He loved her in the nay school in the free school her leved right
He loved her in the High School, she vas happy as could he
^o last ni^it oat on the old baok poroh he took her last degree.
*, / le loved her in the evening 'neatb the dreamy suraaer light
4/.ft loved her and he hugged her en a ©hilly winter's night
/ Xle leved her in a blissard and that ain't no bluff or if
' Bat last al^&t eat on the old baok poroh hie love was frosen stiff
He leved her in the garden until three in the aorn
3e loved her in the garden antil way after dawn
He loved her with a feeling and he *•**»*» ■£«* K.*.it 8L«»a shoes.
Bat last night ©at on the old baok poroh he felt her old aan'e ehoes.
l loved ber on the skylit *** * ^J*? *f -iL^wTLt ft»f
1 loved her in the twilight and she eried* "Ain * **j£* 2?r
t \m& b% how I lsved her where the aoonligt shodews fall
Lt°Sst\Ut*by ttT** light I loved her best of all.
I loved her with a passion like **»-*•-**J*9?* ftAnv
1 loved her with a fssUag I «old £** *£ ^Teorawl
1 leved her froa a tree top, but I fsll ^/** •9l^\t all
So last night <n the old baok poroh I couldn't lover her at all
\ / r loved her in a saddle as she rode on *w Waw
V i I leved her en the gallsp bat the horse did mat of ooarse
I leved her in the stable* tall-*h« truth, that's Just a stall
Bat last night I was able to love her best of all V
LAST MIGHT m VOL BACK PORCH.
fiErii **?* v* •tl? •*•** - •**«* ^:^«)Mf out.
I hag har - I ifuw her - I teaae bar eo
Aad «• alvaye mb ha foaad - where there'e bo one Am aroBad
Do we saddle, do we fat? You ain't hears no thin* rati
XXawa her in fee aerning and I lawe her at sight
X lm har wee 2 lows her shoe the stars are ehlnlng bright
X lawe her is tha aprlng tlas and X law har in the fall
Bat laat night on tha bash oareh X Iswsd har hast of all*
har in th« gardan where I plsksd har a rsee
• X lowed har la tha waller where the
X larad har in tha woodshed where the woodshed would shod weed
Bat last sight froa the aplintora - X didn't laws so good.
ifora har on a Monday* • tarns * Tuesday X foil
I lews har on a Wednesday aad on fhursday Jaet as veil
X lore har on a Friday# ewery Saturday X ©all
That laat sight ie her pay night - I lava her beet of all.
her in the eountry 1b her roapers of brown
X lowed her is the city in her little gingham gown
X lowed her as the eea-ehore •cause her bathing salt am* small
But laat /night is her nithtie - ehe phoned -goodnight- that* a all
flowed har for her beauty, and I lowed her for her etris
. X lsws* her for her eweetaeas and X lowed har for her sail*
< X lowed her for her good points. J^»^J^ ^J?"111
But laat night for hor liquor, X lowed her bast or an.
AFTER THE BALL.
After the ball was orer
Sadie took out her glass eye
Put her false teeth in the ice box»
Corked up her hottle of rye.
Throwed her false leg in the corner
Hung her false wig on the wall
Wound up her cat and threw out the clod
After the ball.
■4 *#*
Q^^f^
LIDIA PINKHAM.
CHORUS. / * t
Oh, let us sing,(Oh, let us sing) of Lidia Pinkham, (Pinkham, Pinkham)
And how she loved (she loved, she loved) the human race.
(the human race)
And how she sold (she sold, she solcQ her vegetable compound,
And how the Doctors all envied her face. (They envied her face.)
-'verse.
Now Mr& Jones hadn11 had any children
, And this seemed mighty queer.
% So he bought her one bottle of compound,
Now the blest 1 event comes 'round most every year.
VERSE.
Mr. Smith had a hen and a rooster.
This pair of chickens, they wouldnft lay.
So he fed them a bottle of compound.
Now he gets a dozen of eggs most every day«
VERSE.
If you should ever feel yourself slipping,
Take my advie without delay.
Just buy yourself some Lidia Pinkham1s
And keep on living in the good old fashioned way.
'"Yd
IH SHE WOODSHm
Verge.
Johnny bad a girl named Mary* She was chilly* very* very.
When he would try to love her* sbe»d balk
She would slap hi® face, stake hi® keep his place
Till one night he took her for a walk*
Choruses,
He asked her if she'd kiss him in the garden
And In the garden she said *XO"
He even tried to kiss her on her old hack porch
But on the baek porch she wouldn't go.
He wondered if she was human* or is she was made of woo*
So at last he tried to kiss her In the woodshed
And in the woodshed* she said she would*
He asked her if shevd kiss him in the gloaming
And then she answered "Where is that?*
He tried to kiss her in her own apartment too
But she said *B0* so he knocked her flat.
He tried erery place he knew of» hut she»d holler "Hot so good.*
fill at last he tried to kiss her in the woodshedj
And in the woodshed* she said she would*
He tried to kiss her right where she was sitting (liyi my yea.)
She kicked hl» cut of her sitting room.
And then he tried to kiss her in the bright Moonlight
Bat then seaebody turned off the moon (a blackout!)
He tried ewery place he knew ef» but she told him where he stood
Till -at last he walked her right into the ®ood shed
(spoken)
And she made his chop enough wood to last all winter*
IN SHE WOODSHED. (GOUT.)
I ©ran tried to kiss her on the boardwalk
And how that baby could walk
I eren took her riding in a wheeling chair
Then you oould hear that sweet mama talk
So I wondered If she was hasten
Or if she was made of wood
So I thought l*d take a train hack to the woodshed
*Cause in the woodshed* I KHEI SHE WOULD.
To kiss her right I thought we ought to marry
So I hought her a diamond ring
And after that I said, when shall we wed dear
In Autumn, Winter, the Fall or Spring?
I just can't make up my mind dear
And I don't think that I should
Forget it all and walk down to the woodshed
And help me pile up a little wood.
I tried to steal a kiss while out a hunting
Cause a hunting we did go
I eren tried to kiss her on the horses hack
Each time the horse mowed she*d holler Whoa.
Each time he*d move I*d get nervous
Then I look down where he stood
JUHJmV&JBMmMAt
A million flies around us start to gather
We took the woodshed - 1*11 say we did.
I got a thought that she might like some golfing
And so I bought her a nifty olub
While I was chasing *round the court to find the ball
She went and sneaked off with some big dub
I wondered where I could find them
Or if perhaps I should
But I hear that they were caught right in the woodshed
They*** doing six months up chopping wood.
IT'S BETTER THAU TAKING IS WASHIBG.
Though there are pseplo who lira hy their wits
It*s hattar than taking in washing.
Tha hall with the morals, the awaater the rits,
It*a hattar than taking In washing.
Though you're supported hy gambling and dioa
And though you do things sot regarded as aloe,
Sinners and flappers if you get your price,
It's setter than taking in washing.
How I know a girl who is kept is a flat
It*a hatter than taking in washing
And sash sight her hat rack holds another hat
It*s hotter than taking in washing
quiok as a dander she's giddy or gay
Virtue is fins - hut her virtue don* t pay
Girls hare to get on in some otiter way - and -
It*s hotter than taking is washing*
Now, Madam Du Barry wrote homo to her kin
It's hotter than taking is washing
Bren the wires of King Henry gave in
It9s hotter than taking In washing*
Adam and Eve had a permanent break
Adam told Ere to go jump In the lake
So he hit the apple and said to the enake,
It's hotter than taking is washing.
How, I maks my living this funny old way
If not, I'd be taking in washing.
Singing all night and sleeping all day
It*e hotter than taking is washing.
Though 1 may sing songs that are nsughty, it's true
And though yes may hlush at a lias or two
Kindly rsmomeer from my point of view,
If*S BBfTSR UAH TAKING IH WASHIHGl
■ * *
'! Mfs a mm Txiim cois Bon*!* f&y*
1*11 going to slug a little aong it*a a pratty little thing
And. whan we reach tha ehorue I want yea all to sing
Tha wevda ere wary simple a* easy as nan be*
Hart it la* new everyone - mil Jain in with **•
GHOHUSs (after eaoh Terse}
It* a a good tiling eowa don't fly -it's a good thing eewe don't fly
This world in full of eo upeti bull* it'e a good thing eows don't fly*
They say tha e*nnin& industry in groat throughout the land
And man go out to Reno Just to have soma peaohee eanned
v Tha other day grandmother had to a end for Doctor Keith
She said grandfather bit bar can whan she sat on hia falsa t^eth*
I hear a a© ok>a~ doodle crowin1 to a bantam ban
How can i oeok>a~do0dle If you wont let me in?
h ringtail monkey in a cage with aly Kiea Chimpanzee
ffha aa*d> now donft you start no nenkey business bare with aa» ]\l
:'• I
My sweety*s name is Helan Hunt at low?nf abafa a bit
for kisses sweet I always go to Hell«en Hunt for it*
Har Auntia Jane has got a far** nnA there aha li^aa at ease
Becaaae aha alwaye sita among her cabbages onA paaa*
I ne^er saw old trittin* Bull* who ww ha anyhow?
They tell mm that he had a a^uaw* her n*jaa was Sit tin1 Gow
/My gal while ekatin1 # slipped and fell* tha floor w»a eliok as glaao
\*I a*ked bar* did it hurt her nuoh? She answered* Ob my yes*
-#
I WOSBER WILL SHI LOVE MS mm I'M QIM \^
Yerse»
I'M HEL1SQ VERY WGBHI1B, II&Rl'S A SHADOW II MY M.WU*
It makes me 80 depressed, I can't get any rest.
I used to he so happy and wit! a wifey had no strife*
But last night going to bed, a strange thought came in my head.
Choruses*
I wonder will she love me when I'm old?
When all my hair has fled, and I've got a smooth hald head#
I wondar will her love grow eold#
Will she think that I look weird as I stooke my long white heard
Will she oall me baby names when I'm too old for baby games.
When I'm no louver dashing, gay and bold,
When I'm feeble and rheumatic, will she stick me in the attio?
Oh, I wander will she love me when I'm old?
I wonder will she love me when I'm old?
When I've lost the bloom of youth, and I've only got one tooth,
I wonder will her love grow cold?
When my faoe is creased and cracked, and the B&Aff .BOARD say
I'm whacked—
Will she sit and hold my hand, when I've grown too weak to stand•
when I'm no longer dashing* gay and hold*
When in had my hack is heny* and her feet are cold and atony
Oh, I wonder will she love me when I'm old*
i
I wonder will she love me when I'm old?
When Bron~ehi~tie make* me grun, will she rah me hack and front?
I wonder will her love grow oold?
Will she whisper words so dear, down the trumpet in ay ear,
If I knit a woolen vest, to keep the night wind off my cheat
When I'm no longer dashing, gay and bold.
Will she ewer try to force me, to do wrong and then divorce me?
Oh, I wonder will she love me when I'm old?
The Automobile Song*
Verse. J
A couple once were seated in a little motor car I
They were sweethearts and they didn't care who knew '
They were holding hands together as the motor loudly roared
And the price of gas went up to twenty-two♦
iHe was an automobile mechanic
Working steady throughout the year
And in terms of his profession
He whispered in her ear*
Chorus. I
Will you love me when my carhurator's bus ted,(huh?) I
Will you love me when I cannot shift my gears? '
Will you love me when I need a new condensor,
>- When my clutch begins to slip will you shed tears?
Will you love me when my battery needs recharging?
Will you love me when my pump is on the blink? (by heck)
When I haven't got a cent and my connecting rod is bent
Will you love me when my flivver is a wreck?
Chorus.
Will you love me when my vacumn cup is empty? '*
m Will you love me when my rear end's worn and torn? .. . i
| Will you love me when my rim-rod's Old and rusty?
1 Will you love me when I cannot blow my horn?
Will, you love me when my inner-tube is busted?
-Will you love me when my tank begins to leak? By heckl
7/hen the junkman says: "Fo use,"
And my nuts and bolts are loose --
?/ill you, love me when my flivver is a wreck.
Tootsy, wootsy - ?/hen my flivver is jt.mre-ek. I
AENA'S BACK IN INDIANA MM.
tterse.
Back in Indiana, there lived a girl named Anna
Who" said: "In pictures I know Ifll be good.11
i What Ifve got will surprise 'em, in fact I111 paralize fem.
f So when she arrived in Hollywood:--
Choruses.
Anna Said she was the Village Queen
She had a lot of - you know what I mean.
She surely was gigantic, full of little tricks romantic
Her love scenes were the hottest ever seen
Anna got a chauffer and a car
She tried to act just like a Movie star.
J But no Taylor, Power or Gable ever sat down at her table
J They prefered to have their fun with Heddy Lamar.
Anna's hair was, pink, her eyes were green
She had a figure like Ifd never seen
She was so wide of girth, she could not get in a berth
Only half of her was seen upon the screen
Anna said: "I1!! go for sex appeal
Ifll strip tease nnd show them something real."
When she dropped the fan, like Sally1s
h She was just all hills and valleys.
I'Just imagine how the audience would feel.
So Annafs back in Indiana now
She thought she'd be a riot and a wow-
And she acted supercillious but Tier postures were the silliest
By posing and pretending to"know how.
In "Tarzan" she finally got a bit
She said: "At last I know I111 be a hit."
But she was so short and chunky
They mistook her for the monkey
And everyong who saw her had a'fit, —_..-■-'-
In the bathing scenes she wallowed like a scow
Her esthetic dancing, that was a wowl
iOn hei> chest there words were painted:
COME m BOYS LET*S GIT ACqlTAIMQiiDI
So An'mfs back in Indiana now.
Then Anna said: "I think I'll change mv luck
(snoken: Fol Jfoi not that I}
Irll do the dance they call ?The Dving Duck"
V/hen she said: she'd like,a retake
The .Directors got a headache
»d snid she was just .another- cljtxck. . ■
l<V7l.^) so Anna's back in Indiana now. ^^
I (VERSE TO BE RECITED SLOWLY)
1
Boston has always been the seat of culture
For generations it has held the lead
The Beeches and the Cabots, the Lowells and the Bassetts
The families that were most meticulous rather ridiculous, too.
When they tell you how well their families are treed --
Who's in the lead - My Friends! when it comes to forthright genealogy
There are "but two families who can go away back.
But away back - and who have kept track
They are the bluest of the back bays bluest blues.
To YOU they are the zenith of society's social snobs
To them the Gabots and the Lowells
Oh my dearI Just SLOBSi
Who are they: Who are they?
Why they're the sons and daughters of the Beeches and the Bassetts.
I (Play introduction or a chord.)
Chorus. (Lively tempo)
For the Sons of Beeches always marry Bassetts
For a Bassett is a Bassett to the end. f
"4 Though the Beeches have the assets, it's the Bassetts have the ^assrljf"*
4 Bfeeches assets put the Bassetts on the mend.
t A*Bassett never mingles with the masses -
To resort to that they'd never condescend
B^it the Beeches have a chauffer who's a Bassett girl's golpheri
For a Bassett is a Bassett to the end.
I For the sons of Beeches always marry Bassetts
For a Bassett is a Bassett to the end.
The great wealth they have ammassed, it's the Beeches not the Bassetts
Beeches assets put the Bassets on the mend, (spoken: THEY THINK)
In Pilgrim days the Bassetts were !f John Jllden."
To Priscilla Dean, Mile Standish_±hey did send.
But Priscilla up and tossed them - for John Alden double-crossed them
Oh a Bassett (spoken:0) is definitely a Bassett to the end.
spoken: THE EBD. .
YOU CAN'T FIND A PLAGE TO DO IT.
Recite:
Take your gal boating, start in floating
You1 re looking for a place where you can't "be seen
She's hesitating, Oh, you don't mind waiting
You know the red will turn to green*
You've got a reason the night is freezin'
You couldn't go wrong if you only had a chance
But you can't get goin1 with that cold wind blowin'
A rumble seat is no place for romance.
You wander here, wander there
It finally looks like it's going to be swell
You find a spot and you both get hot
Then it starts to rain - so what the hell*
Sing:
First you get the girl, that's essential
Then you get the urge to be confidential
You're on the verge of being residential
And you can't find aplace to do it*
You go out in the park, the proper place for wooing
(Find a bench for two, with couples cooing
$fou walk for miles and nothing doing,
You can't find a place to do it.
Everything goin' just as you planned
You've acquainted yourself with the lay of the land
Jfou've got the situation in the palm of your hand
But you can't find a place to do it*
Youtve phoned your girl and there's no dissention
Talked of this and that and not to mention
You'd call the hotel but that's against convention
And you can't find a place to do it.
You invite all your friends who are guiiB amusing
And find your apartment they are abusing
Three is a crowd but four is confusing
You can't find a place to do tit
You take her home, no thinx else to do
Her father yells down "Come up to bed, Sub"
And that's what happens to me and you
When you can't find a place to. do it.
There isn't any name to this silly ditty
But it seems a shame and an awful pity
That with all the gals in this here city _-__-
YOU CAN'T FIND A PLACE TO DOJ^T.____________----------------"---------
Gonna Dance With A Dolly•
As I was walking down the street,
Down the street, down the street.
I met somebody who was mighty sweet,
TTighty fair to see.
I asked her, would, she like to have a talk,
' Make some talk, make some double talk.
A And all the fellows standing on the walk
^Bk'/ishi^tf thev were me.
«* Oh I mama, mama, let me dress up tonight,
Stress up tonight, I wanna dress up tonight.
" II gotta a secret - gonna "fess*1 up tonight
/wile I d nee by the light of the moon*
Gonna d'noe with a dolly
With a hole in. her stockin1
fV/hile our knees keep a knockin'
And our toes keep a rockin'
•Gofcna dance with a dolly
Y/i th a hole in her stockin1
Gonna danoe by the light of the moon.
I'm%onna Shim-sham-shimmy till the break of dawn,
The'^freak of dawn, the break of dawn.
Won't come home till my money's gone
So don't wait up for me.
I111 have more kisses than a candy store,
A candy store, a candy store.
Sweeter than I've ever had before
M And still I'll cry for more.
9
t
\ OhI mama, mama, put th: cat out tonight,
Oat out tonight, put the cat out tonigat.
I've worked all day, I'm gonna scat out tonight.
Grorma dance by the light of the moon.
T>Tr Q'u'fi ii' fiy7VQ7TC«
i kJJX j.->£i -I V/ii\jxX.U O •
Find Out Hist Tbay Lika.
Verse.
She used to wonder right along
«by «&« o uldn*t bold her nan
13w*ry !©*• affair want wrong
Until aba obangad her plan.
Sba*a bawls* bo aore trouble sow
Bar daddy*a nioe aa he oaa ba
Ladiea I will toll y©» bow
fbat'a If you'll tafca a tip fr*» «•*
Chorue.
Find out what tbay Ilka, and bow tbay like it.
And let *aa b&w© it# 4»at that way.
Gire fen what they want and whan tbay want it
Without a single word to aay.
(Catoh lines)
YOU*V£ OOT SO OiXJiii fO A MAS /*D I* YOU B3H*f
S?ll »lS5aOM»^SlfflBl GAL TO DO UB XHUW8 YOU WvWt
Find out what tbay lika, and bow tbay like it
And lot *am hawa it teat way.
Extra Catch llnoa for ohoruaaa.
just use mm susah if Hi. says youk jam ^g!'1'I*** f
NOW YOU WILL LOSL HIU I* YOU tflVi. HIM H^* *g*8
*Sl TOO W»» HI. IS ^W8I CRAZY iOh ^OMk CHO*S.
K0» IF Hi CLAIMS HIS LOW " MjglSS^rf^iiS
IT USAVS YOU DO HOT HANDI& ALL YOUR l*USISiU>S KHHU.
p OH GBAffiDMA *
*" SPOKEN; Impersonation ©f a young lady talking to her Brandmat
Is that you Grandma.? Well listen!
Sing Verse J
Oh Grandma you told me a story 'bout, Little Bed Riding Hood
How she disobeyed her Mammy, and forgot to be good
And a great big wolf nearly got her
Now Grandma -will you please tell iLammy that a ricn old wolf has got her daugricer
CHORUS i
Oh Grandma--what a. great, big, yacht he's got J
It* s as big as a Staten Island ferry boat-- j
Oh-Grandma what a great, big, car he1 s got j
With the nicest looking chauffer., just the kind that I could go fer,
Now the wolf is old, the chauffer1 s young, Oh me oh my,
But the wolf has gold the chauffer none, wouldn't that .make you cry J
And oh dear Grandma, I'm asking you, what should do,
Should I chase the chauffer and let the wolfer inside &f my door? j
Chorus
Oh Grandma, what a great, big, house he's got
He'd a rich old son of a multimillionaire,
Oh, Grandma--what a great, Dig, easiness hers got ']
I And if ^I'm a very gooa girl ne said, ttHe,d give me the BUSINESS. I •* \
| How the wolf is rich, the chauffer's young, Oh me oh my* __
I But the wolf writes checks, the chauffer necks, and helps me spena my check
f And oh, Grandma--I'm asking you what should I do —
I Should I cnase the chauffer ana let the wolf inside of my aoor?
F Spoken J And oh Grandma, he's going to give me a fox, On no, Grandma
a genuine silver fox— ;
t
Sing last two lines of chorus i
I :
And oh, Grandma, I'm asking you wnat should 1 do
, Wouldn't I be a fool to chase the wolf away from my door? :
*. - ------------------------------ |
EVERYONE'S KISSING Mf-F^BY.
L.
His Fanny was heartless, and i,ll over town
Everyone's saying that she threw him down.
Fanny's becoming^. gad-about
And that's why he* "keeps shouting out.
Chorus.
Oh everyone's kissin' my Fanny
But nobody's kissin' me----
It's surely get tin' my nannjr
The was she keeps treatin' me.
Oh, everyone thinks it's uncanny
That we two have drifted far apart.
For everyone's kissin' my Fanny
And that's what's breakin' my heart.
flhorus.
Everyone's kissin' my Fanny
iand I don't know what to say
I didn't know my little Fanny
Attracted attention that way.
Oh, there's not a nook or a cranny
Where you canjt hear folks say - to be smart
That everyonefs kissin' my Fanny
And that's what's breakin' my heart.
Gag:
What is the difference between Funny and Fanny?
Well, you can be funny without looking at Fanny, but
you can't look at Fanny without fellin' funny.
\ DOODLE DO DO*
Please play for me that sweet melody called
Doodle do do - Doodle do dot
I like the rest hut what I like "best is
Doodle do do - Boodle do do*
Simplest thing, there isnft must to it
You don't have to sing just doodle do do it.
I love it so - where ever I go I just
Doodle do doodle do do.
-o- -o- -o- -o-
Miss Anna Snow went out with a show
Galled Doodle Do Do. Doodle Do Do.
She made a hit "by singing a "bit
In Doodle Do. Do. Doodle Do Do.
Twenty a week, that's all there was to it.
How in the world did she manage to do it.
She bought a Rolls-Royce - not with her voice,
But with her Doodle do Doodle do do.
SAILOR DITTY J
«THE FILET'S li11 :
Verse
Mow a sailor's life is a happy life
Has a girl in -each port out not a wife
Every place he hangs his hat
| He finds welcome on the mat.
Though he's weary when those trips begin;
What a difference when those ships come in.
Chorus ', t ' **.,
When those ships anchor in the bay
You111 find there'll soon oe hell to pay
Hooray I Hooray 1 the fleet is in to-day .'
1 hope that you've not mis-con-strued--
They've just come in to get--------Tattooedi
Hooray Hooray I the fleet is in to-day.
The sailors may go rowing in the lake thatrs in the park
But that rowing gag is finished just as suon as it gets dark .
And those flags wavin1 in the br^eze--
Are just the captain's B. V.D.'s—
Hooray 1 Hooray I the fleet is in to-day*
2nd Chorus
The Captain ana trie lowest tar
Start headin' for the nearest bar—
Hoorayi Hooray I the Fleet is in today
The gals know when they're all on leave I--
IT' S MICH BETTER TO GIVE THAK TO RECEIVE'. ■
Hooray I Hooray! the fleet is in today.
The s ilors have a dam good time,
And then they sail away—
Their girl friends nave a good time too-I
THEY COUNT THE UAY3 ^IID PRAY •
'"' And then they turn around you see —
AHB BLAME IT Ch dCLi GUY LIKE] O-l
Hoorayi Hoorayi the fleet is in today.
It
'■ vat miLMm. B$mm ms.
Verse.
I know & gal that's gay as can be,
She never frowns all day —
For she*s expecting avary afternoon at two
Someone who - can chase her blues away,
She newer worried 'bout any old thing,
But Just listen in and you will hear her sing.
Chorus*
I listen for the bell, I primp and powder so,
1 know hie fo ore tope well, in ease you do not know*
I've got a crush, I've got a crush on the Fuller Brush man
He shows me all his aa&ples* and looks so ponderous wise*
That 1 can't even listen when he looks into my eyes*
I've got a crush, I*ve got a crush on the Puller Brush Ban*
He told me of a certain brush that sure sounds great,
?or when you're in the tub—
JTo give you're back a scrub -
Saturday is cotaing but I just can't wait,
i'Cause that's when he promised that he'd demonstrate,
%ow he hasn't a moustache, he's bald as he can be,
But the wliskers on his brushes, - they're good enough for me,
I'ti got a crush, I've got a crush on the Fuller Brush man!
Chorus*
He takes we in hie - confidence, he holds ae in his - a spell,
He toys with ey - emotions, Oh, he raakes me feel like, well I
I've got a crush, I've got a crush on the Puller Brush man.
With everything he demonstrates, he gives a guarantee,
That tt will last for forty years, that's long enough for me.
I've got a crush, so help ate, on the Fuller Brush man!
He gives away a prise for every brush I've bought,
for one as sraall as this* he give a little kiss,
It won't be long before, ay precious bank reel's shot.
For I'm goin to buy the biggest broom he's got.
How he's got a brush that tickles and he's got a brush that hurts,
And hc*s got a special one that I think is the ne*t»*
I've got a crush. Oh what a crush on the Fuller inrush Man.
* FOR MEN ONLY* ]
I
Verse,
I got a letter from a girl acquaintance of mine
In business up in Harlem way
All indications go to show that she's doin' fine
This is what she had to say:
Ghoruss.
What I've got, is for men only, and guaranteed to sarisfy
What I've got goes for men only, my sales are large you canft deny*
The more they get the more they want, it sure is nice
To have a store where they donft kick about the price*
What I've got is for men only, the kind of goods they're glad to buy.
Chorus.
What I've got is for men only, that's if they lay it on the line
'All my stocks is for men only, and what I've got is mighty fine
•Shirts and collars, underwear and socks and ties
ISuits and hats and overcoats of ev'ry size
What I've got is for men only, that's if they lay it on the line*.
Chorus*
What I've got is for men only, you ought to see them stand in line
All my stock is for men only, and I do business rain or shine
What I've got has made them come for miles around
I've the finest haberdashery store in town
What I'vv got is for men only, I've nothin' in the female line.
HE WAS TIRED OF MOUNTAIN WOMEN.
* "Verse. *
*'ln the hills of Old Kentucky lived a mountaineer so husky
That the mountain girls pursued him "by the score. »
But he seemed to he a hermit, that's the only way to term it,
Here's the reason why he turned them from his door.
Chorus.
He was tired of mountain women. He was tired of maountain women
He was tired of mountain women night and day.
Had his fill of open spaces, had his thoughts on tighter places
So one day he hopped a rattler for Broadway.
Verse.
7/hen he landed in the city, very soon he spied a pretty
He said: "City Gal, now you1 re the one for me
So he walked in her direction, tried to make a new connection
And the reason was as plain as A. B. G.
Chorus*
He was tired of mountain women. He was tired of mountain women
Oh it wasn't hard to understand his plight.
(You must have a change of venue, just the same's as on a menu
For you can't eat steak for dinner every night.
"Verse. t
Well, the city'gal coquetted, "but her appetite was wetted \
So she fooled around and played with something new.
But to her complete amazement, she discovered as the days went
He got tired of fancy city women too.
Chorus.
He was tired of mountain women, he was tired of City women
It was just the same where ever he did fall.
And the truth of it be sated was, he simply couldn't take it.
.% ITo - he couldn't take it any place at all.
Verse.
So just like a worn out gavel, to the country he did travel
To the^mountains he retired, so I'm told.
Lived in an old time diner, and became a wealthy miner
He was happy with his little bag of gold.
Chorus.
v He was tired of mountain womenf fed up with City women
I He decided he would always live alone". * \
k Provfn/?h^ the ealf? illusi™> he swallowed up in seclusion
*:1 roving that a mountaineer can Jiold his own.
HORSIE, KEEP YOUR TAIL. UB^ ..
Verse.
Cabbie Jones had a "Charlie" horse, his age ?/as forty two
Evfry day when the sun would shine, you could hear old Charlie whine
Gave me oat-sies, give me hay, anything will do
Cathie Jones Said: "Charlie hoy, all I ask of you"
Choruses.
Horsie, keep your tail up, horsie keep your tail up
Keep the sun out of my eyes.
Horsie keep your tail up, horsie keep your tail up
llever mind about the flies
Eaoh "bird, up in the tree top high
Begins to sing as we pass "by
Horsie keep your tail up, horsie keep your tail up
Keep the sun out of my eyes*
^ Horsie keep your tail up, horsie keep your tail up
Vf Keep it up and show your pride
Horsie keep your tall up, horsie keep your tail up
There1s a bride and groom inside \
He mushed the "bride, she mushed the groom
They made my cab a mushy room
Horsie keep your tail up, horsie keep your tail up
Keep the sun out of my eyes.
Horsie keep your tail up, horsie keep your tail up
Like a banner in the sky
Horsie keep your tail up, horsie keep your tail up
There's an absent minded guy
He took one look at my old hoss
Said: "That reminds me, phone the boss."
Horsie keep your tail up, horsie keep your tail up
Keep the sun out of my eyes.
THE HORSE WITH THE HA^6S~i3EHIND.
«
' Oh the girl was a "beauty "but sad was her eye,
As the grand hansom carriage went dashingly "by.
But I oouldnft help seeing her eyes filled with brine
As she rode with the horse with the hansom behind.
Oh, the fellow beside her was agin and grey,
Yet he leaned up beside her and I heard him say
If you will but wed me if you will be mine
I will give you the horse with the hansom behind.
Though she was a proud beauty and still very young
And the man was a viper who should have been hung
I observed that she kissed him in a manner so fine
As they touched un the horse with the hansom behind.
Oh, she once had a mother who loved her so dear
4nd that darling old mother sheds many a tear
ts she murmurs f "Be careful I sweet daughter of mine
f the man with th^ horse with the hansom behind."
i -
But the daughter was wayward - her footsteps did stray
"Prom the straight narrow path and the innocent way
For her turbulent nature was always inclined
Toward the man with the hansom behind.
Now the damsel is old and. the damsel is grey
She is wrinkled and tattered what more can I say
But here is a lesson I need not remind
Stay fway from the horse with the hansom behind.
Oh, the long years have hurried the long years have gone
And I sit alone with my sad mournful song
Thought I never have met her I always will pine
For the girl with the horse with the hansom behind.
ISLE OF CAPRI.
'Twas on the isle of Capri that I found her
Beneath the shade of an old walnut tree.
Oh, I can still see the clouds floating 'round her
When we net on the Isle of Capri.
* She was as sweet as the rose in the dawning.
But somehow fate hadn't meant her for me
And tho' I sailed with the dawn in the morning
.Still my heart's on the* Isle of Capri.
Summertime was nearly over - Blue Italian skie above
,1 said: "Lady, I'm a rover, can you spare a sweet word of love?"
She whispered softly: "It's "best not to linger,"
And as I kissed her sweet hand I could see
___________________•*■
She wore a plain golden hand on her finger
'Twas goodbye on the Isle of Capri.
I'M KEEPING II FOR YOU.
We know a musician, his name was Joe*
Got caught in the draft and had to go.
And as he took his mama to the train that night
Said: "Goodbye, baby, don't forget to write.
I canft take it with me, you know that's a fact,
So please keep it for me until I get back."
So pietty soon he got a note.
And this is what she wrote:
CHORUS.
I'm keeping it for you just as you left it
No one has touched it but you»-
I'm keeping it covered - out of sight -
Just like you told me to.
,: How a man came around and tried to take it last night
And to keep it for you, I had a terrible fight.
1 I'm keeping it for you.,T>ust~ as you left it
No one has touched it but you--I mean your liquor -
No one has touched it but you.
I HAVE A TOUGH TIME TELLING YOU FROM HY OLD GAL.
i
Verse. *
I've seen people who resemble others
Many cases that I can't forget
I've seen, strangers who looS just like "brothers
Sut, of all the people that I!ve met-------
Choruses•
I have a tough time telling you from my old gal
I have a tough time telling you from my old pal
She used to walk like you, she used to talk like you
When I'd "break a date, or come late, she used to squawk like you
Althoughjier lover was false, she was a real sweet soul.
In spite of all her faults, I loved her as a v/hole
She was cute kid, real class
And I went like a sailor for that shapely lass
I must admit that ybuVre the dead spit of my Sal
I have a tough time telling you from my old gal.
I I have a tough time telling you from my old gal
I have a tough time telling you from my old pal. ,
I can't forget the night we met, twas love at sight *
Our affair began with a hang, and ended with a fight.
She had a skin like yours, the skin you love to touch
And if you touched it once, you loved it twice as much
She had the same for, same grace
Appendix operation in the same old place
I tell you what, you've got me in a spot, old pal
I have a tough time telling you from my old gal.
I
j
IfM STUCK IN A STUCCO IB THE STICKS.
Verse•
Tillie said: I had ambitions to wed a millionaire
To travel and to have a lovely time.
But somehow my inhibitions got tabgled up somewhere
Ifm married and I haven't got a dime.
Chorus.
You canft blame me if love's refrain
Seeped right into my simple brain.
But here's the reason I complain
I'm stuck in a stucco in the sticks
I dreamed of cocktails and hors DSouvres.
Of Caviar and Frebch preserves
Now corn beef hash gets on my nerves
I'm stuck in a stucco in the sticks.
I thought I'd have cars and chaufeurs
Pal around with wealthy loafers
But instead my pals are Gophers and wood ticks.
I thought I'd have easy pickin's
Steppin' out to raise the dickens
But I'm here among the chickens - and the Hicks.
I planned a life so wild and free
But now, that's just a memory
I'll have to raise a family
I'm stuck in a stucco in the sticks.
i .- -■
I dreamed of champagne that would flow
The gan all singing "Hi-De-Ho."
Instead I hear the roosters crow
I'm stuck in a stucco in the sticks.
I thought I'd hear the opera stars
And someone strumming soft qui tars
How frogs and crickets chant the bars
I'm stuck in a stucco in the sticks.
I would say, with voice so brittle
Fame and fortune I will whittle
When I show the folks my little bad of tricks.
But my big surprise came later
I found my accelerator
Was a worn out incubator - full of ehicks
I dreamed of someone mmm bending low
To kiss my hand but that ain't so
A Jersey cow's m$ Gigolo
I'm stuck in the sticks with the Hicks.
spoken: Hell I'm just stuck.
. if rm ca*t«t err mm, t*kt" rfo
^©roe»
f3a~die's eot a little store, way down la Oar-o-lin©|
Other stores are oloaing up, but ladle's doiri* fine,
Other girlies wonder ho** - she sells her nerohandise,
When they ask her to explain » she gives them this advise; j
Chorus
do out and sell your fish, let 'era barimin if you wish, !
3&id five • en all q special sale on stew ;
Heat {rets older ev'ry-hQur they won't bgy it when lt,s sour.
If you oanft get five, tak« two*
Chorus - !
Go out end sell your fish, let 'en bargain if you wish,
?&en Tuesday past and Friday's past, youfre throu^}
ninoe you know they're gonna smell it, while its's {
fresh you'd better sell it*
If yon can't get fire - take two.
Chorus- i
Toot sake them understand, you vjant money in the hand, j
Just guarantee your stuff is good as new,
You oan let 'em see and feci it. Just ns long as Shey
don't steel it*
If you oan't get five , take two*
Chorus
S2mtt them everything you've got, make 'e® buy it
while it's hot • l
Fasten day you Bust Increase-your revenue , *
Er'ry customer who bpys it , only helps to advertise it t !
If you oan'-f get five, take tsso*
j
Chorus
You'll mot be in the red, if you learn to use your head j
And do what ell the clever salesmen do - j
You oust think of your position , you've got plenty ?
eospetition. k
If you «aa't get five - tntee t*3©*
j
j
ami)/ Mcpherson.
Have you ever heard the story of Amie McPherson,
Amie McPherson, that wonderful person?
She weighs one-eighty, her hair is red
And she preached a wicked sermon so the papers.all said.
Amie "built herself a radio station
To broadcast her preachin* all over the nation.
She found herself a man, who knew enough
To run the radio, while Amie did her stuff.
Amie held a meeting down at Ocean Park.
Preached from early mornin1 'till after da,rk.
Said the benediction, folded up her tent
And nobody knows where Amie went.
Amie's dissappearance was front page news,
And thousands of people started offering clues.
She returned next day, nobody knows how, j
With a smile on her face like a contented cow. I
Amie told her story to the district attorney.
Said she had been kidnapped on a lonesome journey;
Said she had been kidnapped on a lonesome trail.
And in spite of all the questions, Amie stuck to her tale.
They found a cottage down at Carmel-by the-Sea.
Where the liquor was expensive but the lovin1 was free.
In the cottage was a stove and a breakfast nook,
And a folding bed, with a worn-out look.
They examined the stove and the breakfast nook.
They examined the Tied with the worn-oijl! look.
Slats were busted - sprrng^-w^r© loose,
And the dents in the mattress fitted Amiefs caboose.
Radio Ray is a goinf hound - hefs goin' yet cause he aint been
They got his discrpition, but they got it too late. found.
fCause since they last saw him, he has lost a lot of weight.
I'm gonna end my story in the usual way
About the lady preacher's holiday.
If you don't get the moral, then you're the one for me.
1 Cause'there1s lots more cottages down at Garmel-by-the-sea.
* SOMETIME.
Sometime to every lonely one
Someone comes along.
Somewhere there is an only one
Singing love's old song.
The gray skies above you
Will change to fairest "blue.
Sometime someone will whisper
WI love you, love you, too."
I
A SHANTY IF OLD SHANTY TOOT.
Itfs only a shanty in old shanty town
The roof is so slanty it touches the ground
Just a tumbled down shack "by the old railroad track
Like a millionaire's mansion, is calling me back. ^:
« —_
f There's a queen waiting there with a slivery crown
I In that shaty in old shanty town
\I'd give up my palace if I were a king
j For it's more than a palace, it's my everything.
MY WILD IRISH ROSE.
My wild Irish. Rose
The sweetest flower that grows
You may search everywhere
But none can compare
With my wild Irish rose
My Wild Irish Rose
The dearest flower that grows
And someday for my sake
She may let me take
The bloom from 1113/" wild Irish rose.
WHO'S HOUEY ARE YOU?
Who's honey are you?
Whofs tea do you sweeten?
Who's sugar and s ice 'n everything nice
Depend on you?
Who's honey are you? Who?& dream you completin'?
Who goes for those eyes like sugar plum pies?
Who's honey are you?
You've got a tiny little touch of heaven:
In your finger tips
You've got all the rest of heaven
On your sugar coated lips*
Who's honna get you? Some "Sunday-go-to meetin'?
Who's little heart leaps 'n wants you for keeps?
Who's honey are you? -