Below is the raw OCR for The Bastard King of England chapbook ca 1930. If you wish to verify the text below, please download the PDF of the scanned pages.
The Bastard
King of England
Printed by Command
HOUSE OF LORDS PRESS
LONDON
CONFIDENTIAL
Not to he found in
BURKE'S PEERAGE
j^tatic I
Ohy the minslrels sing of an ancient King,
who lived long years ago^
And he ruled his land with an iron handy
hut his mind was wea\ and low.
His only nether garment was a leather
undershirt
Which served to hide his scurvy hide,
hut it couldn't hide the dirt
'3'
He loved to hunt the royal Bag within the
royal wood
But his favorite occupation was a-pulling
the royal pud,
His hair was woolly and full of fleas and
his terrihte dong hung down to his J{neesy
God save the BaMard King of good old
England!
jStatoin
Now the ^ueen of Spain was a sprightly
dame and an amorous dame was site,
And she longed to fool with his majeStys
tooly so far across the sea.
So she sent a royal message hy a royal
messenger
To as\ the King to come and spend a month
or so with her.
-5-
j&tatie IV
When Philip of France heard this report,
he said unto his royal court,
"The Queen prefers my rival, hecause my
horn is short"
So he sent the Du\e of Siphensap to give
the Queen a dose of clap—
Which wouldn't do a thing to good old
England!
Now when the news of this foul deed did
reach Old England's walls,
The King he swore hy the shirt he wore
he'd have the Frenchman's halls.
So he offered half his kingdom and apiece
of Queen Hortense
To any loyal Briton who would nut the
King of France.
j^tatoe VI
So the loyal Du1{e of Suffolk then hetoo\
himself to France;
He swore he was a fruiter and the King
too\ down his pants.
He slipped a thong on the royal dong and
mounted his horse and galloped alongy
And dragged him hefore the BaBard King
of England.
The King threw up his hreakfaB and he
wallowed on thejloor,
For during the ride the Frenchman s pride
had Stretched a yard or more.
And all the ladies of England came down
to London town
And they shouted outside the caiile wall—
€€To hell with the English crown!"
So Philip of France usurped the throney
His sceptre was the royal hone,
With which he downed the Ba&ard
King of England,
9*{ote: The editors wist it distinctly understood
that they have been unable to establish that the
foregoing lines are from the pen of Rudyard
Kipling—in fact, no evidence is available that lie
has bad any part whatsoever in its composition.
This would seem, once and for all, to dispose of
the persistent report that, but for this ballad, he
would today be Poet Laureate of England.