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A COLLECTION OF
SEA SONGS
AND
DITTIES
FROM THE STORES OF
DAVE E. JONES
SONG NO. 1
Tr.i 2ASTAFO KING Or ENGLAND
- - ■* .'.%<iM"RLLS SING OF A BRITISH KING
.* ;C> LIVED LONG YEARS AGO-
' ",r- -UL£D THE LAND WITH AN. IRON HAND
C T HIS MIND WAS WEAK AND LOW.
- -: : MY UNDER GARMENT
WAS A LEATHER. UNDERSHIRT
MH*CH.SERVED-TO HIDE HIS SCURVY HIDE.-,
' BUT FAILED TO. HIDE THE DIRT ■
HE LOVED TO CHASE THE 'BOUND! NG STAG
THROUGHOUT THE ROYAL WOOD.
HE WAS "ALSO'FOND OF APPLEJACK;
ANDPULLING'THE ROYALPUD'.
HIS TERRIBLE-TOOL HUNG DOWN TO HIS KNEES.
IT WAS WitD'AND WOOLY AND FULL OF CHEESE.
CH, A SON OF A BITCH-'
WAS TK'E,BASTARD KING OF ENGLAND.
NOW.THE QUEEN'OF SPAIN WAS AN>MOROUS DAME
' AN AMOROUS^ DAME WAS. SHE,
AND SHE LOVEDTOFOOCWtTHTHEROYAL-tOOL
OFTHE KING.ACROSS THEfSEA.
SO SHE SENT A SPECIAL MESSAGE'
£YA SPECIAL MESSENGER'"
TO ASK THE-KtNG..',Tp:COM?:''AND SP£ND.
. A WEEKOR'MORE-..WITH~HER.
PAGE 1
WHEN PHIUP OF FRANCE HEARD'THIS REPORT,
HE SAID UNTO HIS RPYAL COURT.
THE QUEEN PREFER^ MY* R(VAL
BECAUSE Mt WORN IS SHORT.
SO HE SENT THE COUNTOF SiPPENSAP.
TO GIVE THE, QUEEN QF SPAIN THE,CLAP,
AND DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN
EOF? MERRIE OLD ENGLAND.
WHEN NEWS OF THIS FOUL. D^ED DID REACH
MERRIE OLD ENGLAND'S HALLS.
THE KING RESWORE BY THE SHIRT HE WORE.
HE'D HAVETHE FRENCHMAN'S BALLS.
SO HE OFFERED HALF HIS KINGDOM
AND THE HANQ OF HIS, WHORE HQRTENSE,
TO ANY ROYAL SUBJECT
WHO WpULD NUT'THE KING OF FRANCE.
THE LOYAL,PUKE OF SUSSEX
THEN BETOOK HIMSELF TO,FRANCE,.
HE CALLED THE KING A FRUITER,
AND THE KING TOOK DOWN HIS PANTS,
THEN OVER HIS PRONG HE THREW. A THONG
AND JUMBEp IN THE SADDLE
ANr^GALLOPED ALONG,
BACK TO Tkv; BASTARD KING OF ENGLAND/
PA<?£ 2
THE KINO THREW UP HIS BREAKFAST ''
■ AND WALLOWED ON THE FLOOR.-
FQR .DURING THE RIDE-THE FRENCHMAN'S PRID^
HAD STRETCHD A YARD OR'MORE. '
THE WOMEN THEY ALL GATHERED ,'RQUND :
THE GATES'OF LONpON TOWN,
AND SHOUTED OUTSIDE THE PALACE,
TO HELL WITH THE ENGLISH CROWN.
THE FRENCHMAN THEN USURPED THE THRONE,
AND HIS SCEPTRE WAS THE ROYAL BONE
WITH WHICH HE DOWNED
THE BASTARD KING OF ENGLAND
. ^h
SONG NO. 2
BELL BOTTOM TROUSERS
WHEN 1 WA^A WORKING GIRL
DOWN IN DRURY LANE,
MY MASTER HE, WAS GOOD TO ME,
MY MISTRESS WAS THE SAME.
ALONG CAME A SAILOR, AS HAPPY AS COULD BE,
AMD HE WAS THE CAUSE OF ALE MY MISERY,
HE ASKED ME FOR A CANDLE STICK
TO SHOW HIM UP TO BED,
HE ASKED FOR A HANDF;RCHIEF
TO TIE ARQUND HIS HEAD.
PAGE 3
AND I LIKEA SILLY G\ RUTHl N Kl NG IT; N.QH>RMt
I JUMPED JMTp.THE SAILOR'S BED
TO KEEPTHE $A}LQR WARM.
SINGING PEEU BOTTOM TROUSERSi'
COATS OFi.'NAVY T3EUE,
HE CAN CUMB'THERIGGIN'
LJ KE H|S, FATHER USED TODD. -
EARLY IK THE MORNIN', AT/THE BR^K QF DAY,
A FIVE POUND NOTE HE GAVE TO.ME
AND THESE WORDS HE piO SAX
%Jl HERE YOU ARE MY DARLIN',
FOR THE DAMAGE I HAVEDQNE,
MAYBE YQUTL HAVE A QAUGHTKR
QR: MAYBE,YOU'LL HAVEA SON.
IF YOU HAVE A-0AUOHTER,
TAKE HER ON YOUR KNEE,
IF- YOU HAVE A SON,
SEND THE BASTARD OUT TO SEA.
SINGING BELL BOTTOM TROUSERS,
COATS OF NAVY BLUE,
HE CAN CLIMD THE R1GGIN'
LIK£ HIS FATHER UGED TO DO.
PAGE 4
, SONG NO, 3
BOLLICKY'-BILL
(TUNl; TO bARNACI.E UILL Til^ SAIUQl-i)'
WHO'S THAT KNOCK.ING AT MY DQOR,
SAID T H L FA11 'i Y O tJ N G M AI O E N ,
WHO'S THAT KNOCKING /\T MY DDOH,
said t h f: fair y < :> u n o m a i d f n .
'TIS ONLY I, 'TIS ONLY I,
SAID BOLDCKY B I t.. L * 'I U L S A I L..'0 R,
I'LL COME: DQAn AND LLT YOU IN,
said the fair yoijng ma itt n,
I'll gome; down and let you in
said thl- fair young maiden,
and what do i c3lt if ldo;qoml in, .
S A ID BO L L IC K YBIL,L, T H L S A ! LO f i
I'VE'A CgSHlQN'BtrrWEHN MYJH1GHS
SAID TI I F FA 1 R Y.P U N G M ^! D L N .
I'VE A CUSHION BFTWFFN MY THIGHS,
SAIQ T H F FAIR You N G M A ,j O L N, ,
AND I 'VL GOT A PIN "I h! AT W ILL J UST F| T ! N ,
SAI D BO L LIC K Y H I L L Tilt S A ) LO R.'
WHAT IF I SHOULD IIAVC A CHILD
S AI D THL I'AII v1 Y O U N u, MAI D L N.
WHAT IF WG SFiOULD FIAVF. A GUILD,
SA I D TI ! E F A J f i Y C .> U N G MAID L N ,
Aft/RING.TMli NLCK OF f'HF SON OF A BITCH,
5A i D B O L LI C K Y ' U ! L L T H F S> A. t LO R .
■ PAGE'S
SONG NO, 4
MArD Of AMSTERDAM
IN AMSTERDAM TtHEftE*DWELT A MAID,
MARK WEaWHAT lOO^SAY,.
}N AMSTERDAM TH^RE DWELT A MAID
ANb.SH^VVAS MISTRESS OF HER TRADE,
I'LL GO NQ MOR£ A-ROAMINQ WITH YOU FAIR MAID,
r~ CHORUS t-
A~RQAMiNG. A-ROAMING,
SJNCE ROAMING WAS MXRUIN,
I'LL GO NO MORE A-RQAMINQ
WITH YOU FAIR MAID.
I PUT MY ARM AROUND HER WAIST
MARK WELL WHAT I PO SAY,
I PUT MY ARM AROUND HER WAIt/)T,
SAID SHE, YDUNG MAN Y©UJR£ IN,SOME HASTE
i'LUGO NO'MORi5.A?ROAMlN<3>WtTH YOU FAIR MAID.
! PLACED MY HAND UPON HEH KNEE.
MARK WELL WHAT! DO SAY;
I PLACED MY NANDMJPON HER KNEE,
YOUNG MAN, SAJPSHE. YOU'RE RATHER FREE,
I'LUGQ NO MORE A-ROAMING WITH YQU FAIR MA1P.
PAGE 6
I PLACED MY HAND UPON HER THIGH,
MARK WELL WHAT 1 DO SAY,
I PLACED MY HAND UPON HER THIGH,
YOUNG MAN, SAID SHE, YOU'RE RATHER HIGH,
I'LL GO NO MORE A-ROAMING WITH VOU FAIR MAID.
I PLACED MY HANQ UPON HER PATCH,
MARK WELL WHAT I, DO SAY,
I PLACED MY HAND UPON HER PAYCH,
YOUNG MAN, SAID SHE, THAT'S MY MAIN HATCH,
I'LL GO NO MORE A»ROAM!NG WITH YOU FAIR MAID
SONG NO* 5
(TUNE-THE £AGL,ES'THEY FLY HIGH IN MOBfLE)
OH, THEY DON'T KNOW NAVIGATION
QN THE; TEAL, ON THE TEAL,
OH, THEY* DON'T KNOW NAVIGATION
ON THE TEAL.
OH, THEY DON'T KNOW "NAVIGATION,
SO THEY'PRACTICE MASTURBATION,
AND THEY'RE HELL ON- FORNICATION;
• ON THE,TEAL
PAGE 7
SONG NO. 6
TEARFUL LITTLE EARFUL
I AM LOOKINQ FQHA 'SURGEON1,
FOR f'yeCEA'^'D.TO.BE'A VIRGIN,
JT^'A TEARFUL.LITTLE. EARFUL,
|'M,,ABpU1\TO'^EX MA,
1 /WAS ONLY A PEGINNER
BUT NOW !*M:A FULL FLEDGED, SI NNER,
|T'S^TE;.ARFULi,ITTLE EARFUL.
t'M'ABQUT, TO BE A MAJ
IF l'p JUST USED SOME PRECAUTION
^AND LOVttD IN MORE PROPORTION
' -1 WOULDN'T NEED AN ABORTION,
AS 1-DO DO DO DO NOW,.
GIRLS IN ANY TRANSACTION
DON'T GIVE TOO MUCH SATISFACTION
ANfo YOyR EARFUL WILL BE CHEERFUL
AND YQUR KID WI^LHAVE A PA.
SONG NO, 7
ANNA
I LOVE A GIRL N^MED ANNA,
FROM BUTTE, MONTANA,
THE REASON THAT J LOVE HER.
SHE'S DEAD, GOD DAMN HER,
PAG E 9
SONG NO. 8
PEARL
f KNEW A. GIRL HER NAME WAS PEARL,
AND SHE WAS PRETTY FLIGHTY*
fHE.MOONLIGHT LIT ON THE NIPPLE OF HER TIT
OH,JESUS CHRIST, ALMIGHTY.
SONG NO. 9
SALLY BROWN
(ANCHOR CHANTY)
OH, SALLY BROWN, I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER,
WEIGH, HEY, ROLL AND GO.
QH, 1 LOVE THE PLACE WHERE SHE MAKES WATER,
^ND I'LL SPEND MY MONEY ON SALLY BROWN.
SONG NO. 10
THE RHINOCEROS
THE RHINO.SORE ASS, SO IT SEEMS,
VERY SELDOM HAS WET DREAMS.
BUT WHEN HE DOES, HE COMES IN STREAMS,
AND REVELS IN THE JOYS OF COPULATION,
CATS ON THE HOUSE TOPS, CATS ON STILES,
CATS WITH SYPHILLIS, CATS WITH PILES.
CATS WITH ASS HOLES WREATHED IN SMILES,
AS THEJY REVEL IN THE JOYS OF COPULATION.
PAGE 9
SONG NO, 11
BROADWAY
<TUNE~~£AiUNCi^6V£R THE BOUNDING MAIN),
BROADWAY'S A TAME STREET
COMPARED TO OUR MAIN STREET,
ALL LIT UP ON SATURDAY NIGHT.
Rl'(5HT I^R0M PERKIN'SCORNERS
TO THE SECQND PRESBYTERIAN CHURCiM*
YOU CAN SEE THE JOHNNY HORNERS
STANDING ON THE: CORNERS:
LOOKING THEM OVER
THE: <$IRLS FROM THE CLOVER
CORN FED AND GALLOPING UP AND DOWN..
•-THO' THEIR SKIRTS ARE MADE OF QiNQHAM,
IT'S THE SAUCY WAY THEY SWING 'EM,
BRINGS THE DRAMA TO OUR HOME; TQWN,
SONG NO. 12
NELLIE
1 LOVE.TOSEE NELLIE MAKE WATER'
SHE PISSES A BEAUTIFUL STREAM
SHE SHOOTS IT A MILE AND A QUARTER
AND YQU CAN'T SE£ HER ASSHOLE FOR STEAM^
PAGE 10
SONG NO. 13
AMONG MY SOUVENIRS
THOUGH YOU WENT DOWN ON M^
IN DAYS THAT USED TO BE
! LIVE IN PREGNANCY AMONG MY.SOUVKNIRS..
AN OED DOUCHE BAG OR TWO
A GUN DRUM TIED WITH BLUE
'WITH WHICH WE USED TO SCREW
AMONG MY SOUVENIRS
I CO U N T TH EM ONE BY ON B\
THE TIMES YOU USED TO QOFylE
THEY WEREN'T ENOUGH YOU BUM
1'PRACTICED MASTURBATION
/■•'?**
} COUNT EACH JAZZ AND SQREW
AND OTHER THINGS WE'D DO
I'LE HAVE A CHILD BY YOU*
AMONG MY SOUVENIRS.
SONG NO. 14
CAVIAR
(TUNE- -REUBEN-REUBEN)
CAVIAR, CAVIAR COMES FROM STURGEON,
STURGEON !$ A VIRGIN FISH,
VIRGIN STURGEON NEEDS NO URGING,
THAT'S'WMY CAVIAR IS MY plSH,
PAGE 11
SONG NO. 14
BERMUDA
I WOOED A NUDE IN PERMUDA,
SHE WAS SHREWED BUT I PROVED 1 WAS SHREWDER,
SHE SAtD IT WAS RUDE TO BE WOOED IN THE NUDE,
BUT I WOOED HER, PURSUED HER
AND SQREWED HER,
SONG NO, 15
WHAT.WILL YOU HAVE SAID THE WAITER, ,
AS HE STOOD THERE PICKING HIS NOSE.
HARD BOILED EGGS, YOU SON OF A BITCW,
YOU CAN'T GET YOUR FINGERS IN THOSE,
SQNG NO, 16
RHODA
RHODA, RHOQA RAN A PAGODA, PAGODA,
SHE SOLD ICE CREAM, MILK, AND SODA, $ODAf
NO MILK MAN EVER LEFT HIS CAN
AT THE PRETTY PAGODA RHODA RAN,
PAGE ]2
SONG NO, 17
I'M HUNT DEM BEAR, I'M HUNT I^ULL MOOSE,
SOME TIME I'M HUNT DE RAT;
UND NOW I.TAK MY HAT UND GUN'
UNO HUNT DEM SKUNK POLE CAT.
MY FREN BILL SAYS VER' GOOD FUR
SOME TAMS VER' GOOD MEAT;
1 TELL MY.WIFE I GET FUR COAT-
MABE SOMET1NGS GOOD TO EAT.
J WALK FIVE, SIX, TWO, THREE, FOUR MILE
! FEEL ONI; AWFUL SMELL;
| T'INK PAT SKUNK, SHE GO UND QIE
FUR.COAT -§HE'S GONE TO HELL.
BIM^ BY - 1 SEE DAT SKUNK
CLOSE UP BEHIND DE TREE;
| SNEAK UP VER', VER'.CLOSE
f T'INK SHE DON'T SEE ME.
t SNEAK VER\ VER" CLOSE
UND RAISE MY HAX UP HIGH
THE GOT DAM' SKUNK SHE UP UND ** PLUNK.
T'ROW'SOMETINGS IN MY EYE}.
5AGRE BLEU, .1 T'lNK'rM BLIND
JES' CRI. I NO CAN SEE;
\ RUN AROUND. UND 'ROUND UND'RQUNQ,
UNO BUNK IN DE GOT DAM' TREE:
PAGE 13
I QRAP MY GUN, BY GO*T 1 RUN '
UNO LIOHT OUT'FOR DK; SHACK
I T'INK ,QNE'THOUSAND SKUNKS
,SHE CLIMB* .UP MY 6ACK-,
MY''V\?IPE'5HE'M'E;E,T MEAT DA DOOR
UNO SICKONMH DE DOG;
SHE SAY YOU CAN* SLEEP HERE TQNIGHT
GO OUT UNO SLEEP WITH HOG!
j'TRY'FER/ro CLIMB IN HOG.PEN'
JESf. CRT, "NO. WHAT YOU T'INK?
THE $OT DAM' HOG'SHE UP UNO L.gAVE
ON'COUNTOF.AWFULSTINK!'
gct\ SO I'M HUNT DEM SKUNKS NO MOREr
***** FERGIT;HiS FUR UND MEAT;
FOR IFHiS,PEE HE,SMELL SO BADr
JES' CRT, WHAT IF HE! SHEET?;
SONG NO. 18
PASSENGERS WILL PLEA&E.REFRAIN
FROM FLUSHING TOILETS WHILE THE TRAIN'
I S S f A N 01 N G I N T I -I E SI 'AT IO N ,J LO V It Y O U
.
WE ENCOURAGE CONSTIPATION
WHILE THE TRAIN IS IN THE'STATIQN
DESERT MOON LIGHT MAKES ME DREAM OF YOU,
PAGE 14
IK YOU FEEL YOU MUST MAKE WATER
PUSH THE BELL AND CALL THI; PORTER
HE'LL. BRING A VESSEL TO TH E VESTI BULE.
IP TUB TOILET IS'NO T,HANDY
REMEMBER'EX L,AX IS NOT CANQY
SAY A LITTLE- PRAYER FOR ME AfM.Q YQU.!
SONG NO, 19
FOUR OR FIVE TIMES/
! TOOK MY GIRLIE OUT SAILING,:
THE WIND WAS BLQWINQ QUITE FAST.
'SO 1 TOOK A REEF IN MY .SHIRT TAIL
AND RAM.MED THE JIBBON UP HER ASS,
FOUR OR. FIVEiTIMES. FOUR OR FIVE TIMES.
1-TOOK MY GiRUE OUT ROWING.
THE BOAT STUCK FAST ON A, ROCK. ,
Af4D AFTER A WHILE I TURNED WITH A SMILE
- AND GENTLY INSERTED M^COCK,
FOUR OR FIVE TIMES, FOUR OR FIVE TIMES,
MY.OIRLIE CAME UP FROM THE STABLE
AND SHE WAS ALL COVERED WIT Hv MUD;
AN D A F T \IU AWN! 1 „. E S H E ' TI) R N E D WIT t-l ' A .
S M ! LE,
MY DEAR EVE BEEN JABBED BY A £TUDS
FOUR OR FIVE-TIMES, FOUR OH FIVE TIMES. /
PAGE 1
SONG NO, 20
GIN AND ANGUSTORA
THEN SNAP YOUR FINGERS, HA-HA-HA
THEN SNAP THE OTHERS, H0-HO-HO-
WHAT QARE WE IF'THE DAY BE FINE
5QNCE ABOaRQ ThetUGQERANQ THE GIRL BE MINE;
WE WitA* S£T OUR SAILS AND SAIL,-AWAY
NO PIRAT^ 'ER WAS BOLDER
WHERE !0?EWE GO" WE'LL FEAR ,,NQ FQE,
ON THE GOOD SHIP GIN ANQ ANGUSTORA-
AS MRS, ADRIANCE PUT THE PEACES IN HgK'BNTS
WHEN THE QOOD SHIP STARTED OUT TO SEA.
SAID SHE TO HERSELF.
AS SHE TOOK THEM QFF THE SHELF;
"WHAT A FINE PLACE THIS WILL B^
NO JpLLY JACK TAR DARE GO SO FA"R;
rlF HE Did; OH HOLLY GEE"
SAID WILLY CANTER LOBE.
AS HE STARTED I NTp PRQBE,
"THIS LOOKS PRETTY,GOOD TQ ME.?1
SONG NO, 21
THE JOLLY TINKER
NOW TH^REWAS A JQLLY. TINKER
WHO CAME OVER FROM FRANCE
CAME OVER'ESPECIALLY
TO LEARN TO FUCK AND DANCE _ -
PAGE 16
(CHORUS)
SING A BUZZA-BUZZA BUZZA-BUZZA
BUZZA-BUZZA BOO
SING A BUZZA-BUZZA BJJZZA-BUZZA BOO.
WELL, THE SHIP WHICH HE CAME OVER IN,
THE WOMEN WERE SO FEW
FIRST 1HE FUCKED THE CAPTAIN,
THEN HE FUCKED THE CREW/
(CHORUS)
WELL, THE SHIP WHICH ViS CAME BACK IN,
THE WOMEN HAD THE POX
SO HE SHINNIED UP THE MAST
AND HE FUCKED THE DOUBLE BLOCKS
(CHORUS)
AND HE WENT IN THE CABIN,
TO GET.A GLASS OF CIDER
AND THERE HE FOUND A BED BUG
A-JERKIN'OFF A SPIDER
(CHORUS)
NOW MY SONG 'IS ENDED
I CAN'T SING ANY MORE
THE APPLE'S UP MY ASS HOLE
AND YOU CAN HAVE THE CORE
PAGE 17
SONG NO, ZZ
HEDGEHOG
EXHAUSTIVE EXP^RfMENTATipNS
BY DARWIN AND HUXLEY AND HALL
HAVE SHOWN THAT THE ASS OF THE HEDGEHOG
CAN SGARGELY BE BUGGEREO AT ALL.
CHORUM
SINGING TIDDL^I-JPDLHM-ADDIE,
siNG!NG*Tf DDLE~f~(QDL£-!~AYE. ,
SINGING TIDpLE-rl-IDDLE-l-ADPiE.
SINGING TIDDLErl^iDDLErl-AYE.
CpNCLUSlV% RESEARCHES AT HARVARD
HAV^ INCONTRAVERTABLY SHOWN
THAT COMPARATIVE SAFETY. AT. HARVARD
!S ENJOYED BY THE HEDGEHOG ALONE-
(CHORUS)
ALAS FOR THE ASS OF THE HEDGEHOG
ALAS FOR THE QUILLS ON HIS TAIL
WHEN HARVARD'9 CULTURE'S TRIUMPHANT
THEN NATURE'S RESOURCES MUST FAIL
(CHORUS)
IN TH^ PROCESS OF CIVILIZATION
FROM ANTHROPOID APE UNTO MAN
THE PALM IS AWARDED TO HARVARD
WHERE THEY'VE REPLACED NATURE'bY HAND,
(CHORUS) -'r*« Ar*
page; -is
SONG NO, 23
TOPSAIL HALYARD CHANTY
AS 1 WENT THROUGH. THE CLOVER FIELDS,
HI RANDY DANDY pH,
j SAW TWO WHORES KICK UP'THIER HEELS,
GALLOPING RALLOPING DANDY OH. .,
QN£ NAMED SAL THE OTHER NAMED SUE;,
HI RANDY DANDY OH,
SAJP I TO SUE j*LL SOCK IT TO YOU,
GALLOPING RALLOPING DANDY OH,
I LAID HER DOWN BEHIND'A'STUMP,
HI RANDY D4NDY OH,
AND MADE HER ASS GO 8UMPITY'BUMP,
GALLORIN RALLOPING QAhJDY OH,
A'WEEK'WENT BY AND ALL WAS WELL,,
HI RANDY DANDY OH,
AND THEN fvl Y PRICK BEGAN TO SWEL.L,
GALLOPING RALLOPING DANPY QH,
THEN TO THE; DOCTOR ! DID GO,
HI RANDY DANDY OH,
MY PRICK AND BOLLOCKS FOR TO/SHOW.
GALLOPING RALl^OPINGbANDYOH,
YOUNGMAN, SAI D ,HE, YiOU'RE IN A FIX,
Hi RANDY DANDY OH.
YOU'LL COSE YOUR L.IFE OR HALF YQUR PRICK,
GALLOPING (RALLQP1N,G DANDY OH.
I THOUGHT JEN INCHES.I COULD LOSB,
HJ R/>*NDY DANQY QH.
IF THE.OTHER TWELVE! HE WOULD EXCUSE',
GALLOPING RALLOPING DANDY OH,
HE LAID IT OUTUP9N A BLOCK/
HI.RANDY DANDY. OH,
ANP/CUT TEN INCHED OFF MY COOK;
GALLOPING RALLOPING DANQY QHt
SO NOW I'M CURED AND WELL AGAIN,
HI RANDY DANDY OH,
BRING ON YOUR WHORES WE'LL SCR£W [Hty AGAIN,.
,'GALLOPING RALLOPING DANDY OH,
SONG NO. 24
JACK THE SAILOR
JACK, pH JACK WAS A SAILOR LAD
ANDHE WENT ASHORE FOR SOME GiNv
HE RAPPEDAND HE TAPPED
AND HE RAPPED AND HE TAPPED
BUT NOBODY SEJEMEDTO BE IN,
PAGE 20
HE RAPPED AND-HE TAPPED
AND HE.TAPPED AND HE RAPPED
BUT EVERY ONE WAS IN OEP^
WHEN HE SUDDENLY HEARD )A RAP A TAP TAP,
QN THE WINDOW RIGHT OVER HfS HEAD.
COME IN\ COME IN, MV SAILOR .LAD
THERE'S NOBODYTIERE BUT ME
AND I HAVE THE FINEST RAP A TAP
THAT EVER A JACK DID SEE,
AND SHE STOOD THERE WITH A FORM SO FA'fR
AND A FACE LIKE PEACHES;ANQ CREAM.
COME IN, GOME IN, MY SAILOR; LAO
AND IN HE DID CAREEN,
HE PRESSED HER, HEJ SOU EEZSb* HER,
LOOKED INTO HER COAL BLACK EyES,
AND HE SHOVED THE HEAD OF HIS RAP A TAP
IN THE WINDOW BETWEEN HER THIGHS.
AND WHEN HE GOT UP FROM THAT BED OF LOVE.
HE SWORE SHE WASN'T A WHORE.
FOR HE KNEW BY THE FEEL OF HER RAP A TAP TAP
THAT NO ONE'D BEEN-.THERE. BEFO RE.
A WEEKI WENT BY AND JACK DID SIGH,
AS IN HIS HAMMOCK HE SWUNG,
HE COULD TELL BY THE FEEL OF HIS RAP A'TAP TAP
HIS FLYING JIBBOOM WAS SPRUNG.
PAGE 21
SONG NO.'25
CHARLOTTE
EYES RIGHT, FORESKIN^ riGHTH
ASS HOteSTO THE FRONT,
w'^re.th^ bqy$ that fight the wars,
w% lqve gur rum and cunt.,
we'r^xhe; heroes oV the night
AND WE'p RATHER FUQK THAN FIGHT,
FOR WE'ARE; THE FORESKIN FUSILIERS,
I'M CHARLOTTE, Tf^£ HARLOT,
THE "QUEEN OF THE,WHO RES.
THERE'S CLAP IN PICCADILLY
AND THEY SAY THAT I'M THE CLAUSE..
OH, HELL WHAT A SMELL WHAT,
WHEN I TAKE DOWN ME DRAWERS,
I'M CHARLOTTE, THE HARLO"J\
THEQUUEN OF THE WHORES,
GUARD TO THE GUARDROOM, DISMJSq.
SONG NO, £6
BLACKBIRDS
(TLjJNE,- BYE BYE BLACKBIRD)
HE TAUGHT,ME HOW TQ DANCE AND $fNG,
HE TAUGHT* ME HOW TO SHAKE THAT THING
BYE, BYE, BLACKBIRD.
'page zz
ME PUT HIS HAND B EN BATH MV DRESS,
.AND THERE HE FOU N P THE BLACKQI RD'S NEST.
BYE, BYE, BLACKBIRD.
HE TOOK ME TO HIS COTTAGE IN THE" WILDWOOD
AND THERE HE TOOK .ADVANTAGE "
OF MY CHILDHOOD,
HE CAME ONCE I CAME TWICE
HOLY JUMPING JESUS CHRIST
BLACKBIRD, GOOD-BYE.
fl AC K Y O U R ASS AG AI N ST T H E W A L L, H E R E I CO M
E.
BALLS AND ALL
UYF, BYE^B LACK BIRD.
! MAY NOT HAVE A HELLUVA LQT,
BIJ T WHA T I'VE GO T WI L L FI L L YOU R T W A T,
UYH. BYE, BLACK B IR D; ,
WRAP YOUR LEGS AROUND ME
TIG H T E R. TIG H T IE R . TIG H T E R '
I CAN FEEL THE LOAD IS GETTING
LIGHTER, LIGHTER, LIGHTER,
SHAKE YOUR ASS, AND SHAKE THOSE TITS
flLL MY BIG RED SNAPPER SPITS,
SONG NO, 28
SHELTERING PALMS
DOWN BENEATH THE SHELTERING PALMS*
; TOOK' MY G I R L ON E N IG H T,
IN THEvPALE MOONLIGHT,
I LAID HER. RIGHT DOWN IJsl THEGRASS, .
OH, BOY, HOW SHE COULD WIGGLE HER ASSV
PAGE 23
ALL'THE BIRDIES WERE HUMMING,
HUM Mi NO, HUMMING,,
ANQ ! VCRIEC^ I AM COMING, COMING, COMING,.
SO SHEJHREW HER ARMS ABOUT ME, AND QRl ED,
"OH, HONEY, WAfT FOR ME."
SONG NO! 29
THE OLD MAID
TH^'OLD MAip SAT©Y THE FIRE
THE.TQM CAT SAT BESIDE HER
SHE DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN FOR THE 0\,D, TOM CAT/
AND 3HE PULLED HER SKIRTS UP HIGHER
AND SHE PULLED HER SKIRTS UPHIG^IER
AND SHE PULLED HER SKIRTS UP HIGHER
SHE DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN FOR THE OLD TOM CAT,
AND SHE PULLED HER SKIRTS UP HIGHER,
THE TOM, CAT SAW IT NAKED
AND FOR A RAT Dip TAKI^ |»T.
HE MADE ONE SPRING FOR THE OLD MAID'S THING,
MY GOD HOW HE DID SH^KE IT
My GOD HOWt HE DI D SHAKE IT
MY GOP HOW H^ DID SHAKE IT.
HE MADE ONE SPRING FOR THE OLD MAIQ'S THING,
MY GOKVHOW HE D|D SHAKE IT.
PAGE 24
THE OLD MAID SHIT AND STARTED.
THE TOM CAT SPIT AND FARTED,
THEY MADE SUCH A DIN
THAT THE NEIGHBORS RUSHED,! N,
AND THE CAT AND TH^ QUIFF WERE PARTED,
AND THE CAT, AND THE QUIFF WERE;' PARTED.'
AND THE CAT AND TH E QU I FF WER 1? PARTED,
THEY MADE SUCH A DIN
THAT THE NEIGHBOR? RUSHED IN
AND THE CAT AND THE QUIFF'W^RE PARTED.
THEY SENT FOR A FAMOUS PHYSICIAN
TO DETERMINE THE OLD MAID'S CONDITION.
HE SAID WITH A GRUNT AS H£ LOOKED.AT HER CUNT
HE'S BIT RJGHT THROUGH THE PARTITION
HE'S jaif RIGHT THROUGH THE PARTITION.
HE'S BIT RIGHT THROUGH THE PARTITION.
HE SAID WITH A GRUNT AS HE LOOKED AT HER CUNT
HE'S BIT RIGHT THROUGH if HE PARTITION,
NOW WHEN YOU SIT BY THE FIRE,
AND PULL YOUR SKIRTS UP HIGHER,
THERE'S A MUCH BETTER sVuNT
:'YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR CUNT
THAN AROUSE A TOM CAT'S | RE.
THAN AROUSE A TOM'S IRE,
THAN AROUSE A TOM CAT'S IRE.
THERE'S A MUCH BETTER STUNT
YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR CUNT
THAN AROUSE A TOM CAT'$ IRE,
SONG NO.:'30
THE ASS HOLE OF ZEUS
OLD JUPtTER ONCE CALLED
'ACOMMQILOFGQPS
TO'SETTLE A QUESTION
■WHJQH HELD THEM AT ODDS*'.
THIS. QUESTION WAS HOW
'TO ■ M A K E M O R T A LS A B ST AIN,
FROM.DellGHTS OF THE. FLEStft'
AND LUSTFUL DQMA.IN,
Q LD N E WTU N E WAS T H £ R E • .
•: A NOT H E G O O £> P T H E FIS H <
WAS HKARD TO SAY P0pH,
FURTHERMORE REMARK RJSH;
AND THAT IT WAS UTTERLY USELESS TO TRY
TO KEEP MEN FROM SNEAKJNG AWAY ON THEfSLY,
THEY ALL LOOKED DISGUSTED
AND VOTED THAT. HE
DEBARRED FROM THE COU'NQIL
FOR FOULNESS SHOULD 3E.
SO HE SAT ON HIS A$S
ON THE' EDGE OF THE CROWD.
AND VENTED HIS THOUGHTS
AS OCCASION'ALLOWED,
PAGE 2C
FIRST APPOLO GOT UP
AND WOULD H/\ve OUT HIS S^Y
I'M SURE 111 AT MY PLAN
! s t i * e v e r y. be st ' wa y ,
i'd tie long spikes
on the parts op the:" male,
so that all attempts at coission wout,d fail
vt15 crude, 1 admit, but i think it woulq do,
you're. right bceepwe^d neptune
and kiss my ass too.
then minerva arose,.
an p begg ed leave to propou n d;
a plan 8h£ devised .
■ TROM HlkR WISDOM PROFOUND/
ENGAGE MEN IN U;ARNtNQ
AND C U LT U R £ T H E t R MI N DS
AND THF;N THEY FORGET,
ALL ABOUT THEIR SEHINDS
CARNAL PLEASURES ARE OUT
WREN M EN STU D Y R EAL ART,
o l r;> ■ • n i.:. p ■ • e a s e, d h is a a l lo c k s
AND LET A GREAT,FART.
DIANA TO BATTLE WOULD'SEND ALL THE MEN, ■
l-.NGAGE THEM IN STRI-FE; SHE ARGUED, ANQ THEN.
I'LL HAVE Til EM ALL HACKED
' IN THEIR GENITAL PARTS,
f,0 MO'BALL. WILL REMAIN-
rWHERE A BWORDBLADE QAN HIT.
PAGE 27
OLD NEPTUNE LAUGHED LOUDLY
AND SHOUTED BULLSHIT,
THEN JUPITER AROSE
AND WOULD HAVE PUT HIS SAY,
OF ALL TH? PLANS.THAT I'VE HEARD ^ERE TODAY
HERE'S ONE THAT I WISH TO GET OFF MY CHEST,
YOU'LL FIND IT SOMEWHAT
IN ADVANCE OF THE REST,
BUT HERE ALL THE G6DS GOT A,HELL OF A SHOCK,
FOR NASTY OLD NEPTUNE
HAD*HAULED OUT HIS COCK,
HAD VENUS HALF NAKED AND DOWN ON HER BACK
AND WAS SOCKING HIS "PETER
LIKEHELL IN HER CRACK,
THEY ALL SHR I EKED TOGETHER
AND CASTOR AND POLLOCKS
GRABBED OLD "NEP"
BY THE BEARD OF.HIS BALLOCKS,
BY PECKER OR ASS HOLE,
THEY DIDN'T CARE WHICH,
AND THREW QUT THE DIRTY SON OF A BITCH.
OLD JUPJTER 'STILLfeD AND MIGHTILY TRIED,
TO .TAKE'UP,HIS PLANS
JWHERE HE'D LAID THEM ASIDE.
BUT HE SAW NOTHING BUT VENUS,
STRETCHED OUT ON THE FLOOR,
::,1PAGE 7&
WITH HER LITTLE PINK PART
TWITCHING AWAY FOR SOME; MORE,
SO HE HOPPED HER AND AT THIS
ALL THE GODS FOLLOWED.SIGHT
AND THE GODDESSES GOT
SUCH A SCOURING THAT NIGHT
THAT THE SPLATTERING FLUID
FLEW OVER THE SKY,
AND THE MILKY WAY SHOWS IT
QUITE PLAIN TO THE EYE,
AND NASTY OLD NEPTUNE,
WHO'D CAUSED ALt THJS SWELL,
WAS DOWN BY..THE SHORE
RAISING MINlATyRE HELL. ,
MT CALLED ALL H IS ,M ERMAI DS ,
TO COME TURN ABOUT,
AMD HE FLOGGED EACH IN TURN .
* WHILE HIS PECKER WAS OUT.'
f OR HIS TOOL WAS AS HARD
AS THE HEART OF A FL.JNT-
AND WAS GOOD FOR TWELVE HOURS
ALMOST WITHOUT STINT*
AND HE CRIED AS ON EACH
OF THEIR BELLIES HE'D FALL,
j*V THE ASS HOLE OF ZEUS.
! WAS RIGHT AFTER ALU
SONG NO. 31
EVERY GOOD SHIP
EVERY GOOD SHIP HAS A MAINMAST,,
AN UPSTANDING STICK
evlERY MAIDEN LOVES A SAfLOR
WITH AN UPSTANQJ'NG ---••<- -
ubWER AWAY THII MAIN TOP GAUANTSAIU,
THf; 600D SHIP RIDES HI-AVItY '
tVERY MAIDEN LOVES A YOUfslG MAN
WWQ' FOLLOWS THE SEA.
EVERY'GOOD SHIP HAS A TAFF RAIL,
;AEL COVERED WITH BRASS
/' EVERY SAILOR I.OVH5A MAIDEN
WHO'S A GOOQ'PIECE; pF
LOWER AWAY'THE MAIN TOP'QA'LLANTSAI L.
THE GOOD SHIP R I DES.HEAV! LY|
HVERY MAIDEN LOVES A YOUNQ, MAN'
• W H O f- O Ul.bWS T H % SEA,
,6iVfeRV GOOD SHIP HA$AN ANCHOR,
AN ANCHOR HAS A STOCK
EVERY MAIDEN LOVES A SAILOR
WITH A G H £ A T BIG ROUND--- -
LQWl-R AWAY THE MAIN TOP GALl.ANTSAIL,
THE GOOD SH I P,R I PES HEAVJ LY
EVERY MAIDEN LOVES A YOUNG MAN
WHO POLLO.W5THE SEA.
PAGE -0
EVERY GOOD SHIP MAS A l.QNG BOAT,
AND THE LONG BOAT MAS ROW LOCKS
EVERY MAIDEN LOVES A SAJLOR
WITH A BIG PAIR OF — .......
LOWER-AWAY THE MAIN TOP GALLON V SAI L .
THE GOOD SHIP RIDES HEAVILY •
EVERY MAIDEN LOVES A YOUNG MAN
WHO FOLLOWS,.THE SEA,
EVERY GOOp SHIR HAS MAINSAIL-
ALL COVER E D W i T H B U N T S
EVERY SAILOR LOVES A GOOD PORT
THAT'S ALL, FULL OF - ■-,. ~ ■-.
LOWER" AWAY THE M>1 N TOP GALLANTSAiL,
THE GOOD SHIP RIDES HEAVILY
EVLRY MAIDEN, LOVES A YOUNG MAN -
WHO FOLLOWS THE SEA.
SONG NO. 32
THTIRE'WAS AN OLD WOMAN, I KNOW, ,
WHO CAME UP TO LONDON A SHORT WHIL'e'AGO
NOW 'l"HIS ' ER E OI. WOMAN WAS WI LLI HG TO Sf A Y
BUT- TH E N EIG H p O R S W ER E A LL GLAD
WHEN SHE WENT AWAY.
DOWN DOWN - SWEET COUNTY DOWN. .
NOW.THIS 'ERE OLD WOMAN GQT UP IN THE NIGHT
-IHE SAYS FOR STRIKE ME; PINK,
BUT f MUST .HAVE A SHIT .
PAGE 31
THERE'S NO USE OF TALKING
THESE THINGS THEY MUST PASS
SOUP GOES THE WINDOW
ANO OUT GOES H£R ASS.
DOWN,,DOWN, SWEET COUNTY' DOWN.
NOW A POOR OLD WATCHMAN, A SILLY OLD GUY
LOQKS-UP AND HE GETS A FAT TURD IN HIS EYE
HE PUTS UP HIS HAND TO SEE WH&RE HE'S HIT
AND SAYS "GQR BLfME, I'M BLINDED WITH SHIT.'
DOWN, DOWN, SWEET COUNTY DOWN,
NOW THIS POOR OLD WATCHMAN
IS BLINDED FOR LIFE
HE HAD FIFTEEN YOUNG KIDS
-AND A GREAT BIG FAT WIFE
ON A LONDON STREET CORNER
YOU'LL NOW SEE HIM SIT
WITH A SIGN 'ROUND HIS NECK
SAYING BLINDED WITH SHIT,
DOWN, DOWN, SWEET COUNTY DOWN,
SONG NO. 33
I'M AN OLD RHODE ISLAND ROOSTER
AND I LIVE DOWN ON THE FARM
I HAVE SO MANY CHICKENS
AND I KEEP THEM ALL FROM HARM'
WHEN i WAKE UP IN THE MORNING
WITH MY COCK-A-DOODLE-DO
■ PAGE 32
'YOU KNOW THERE ARE SO tyiANY THINGS
WE ROOSTERS HAVE TO DO.
CHORUS
CRACKING ICE, 6RACKING ICE
WE WERE ONLY CRACKING ICE
'FOR GRANDPA'S PILES.
CRACKING ICE, CRACKING ICE
WE WERE ONLY CRACKING ICE
FOR GRANDPA'S PILES
SONG NO. 34
tv-IONDAY I AM HAPPY ,
TUESDAY FULL OF JOY
WEDNESDAY THERE'S A PEACE WITHIN
THE DEVIL CAN'T DESTROY'
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY
I'M WALKING IN THE LIGHT
SATURDAY IS A HEAVENLY DAY
AND SO IS SUNDAY NIGHT.
THROW A NICKEL ON THE DRUM -.
THROW A NICKEL ON THE DRUM
HALLELUIAH, HALLELUIAH.
THROW A' NICKEL ON THE DRUM
AND YOU'LL ALL BE SAVED.
SON<3 NO. 35
DQLtY GRAY
THE POLICEMAN HE CAME IN THE MORNING
AND HE STAYED ALE DAY ,
THE PQSTMAN.HE CAME IN THE EVENING
AND HE NEVER WENT AWAY
NOW MN$S MURPHY NASA PABY
ANDJHE NEIGHBORS SAY
"I WONDER'WHO'S THE BABY'S FATHER- ■
THE BLUE OR THE GRAY."
SONG NO; 36
SIMMONS BED
l WA*NT TQ WAKE UP IN THE NIGHT,.
' tn the; armsoftheone j love,
I,WANT TQ LIE THERE SLEEPING,
WITH THE PALE MOON CREEPING
i N T H E ST A R R Y ,S KI ES A 0 O V E,
! WANT TO LIE THERE FOREVER,
WITH HER HOT LIPS PRESSED TO MINE;
OH, THE NAUGHTY THINGS SHE TAUGHT ME,
IN THAT SIMMONS BED OF- MINE., ,
: page:
SONG NO. 37
(TUNE-HI, 'HI. JERUSALEM),
IN ANCIENT DAYS THERI-■UVED A MAID
WHO DAY BY DAY DID FLY, HER TRADE .
AND IN A YEAR H E R FORT UNE'fylAD ft
AS A HARLOT IN J EF-VUSALEM,'
CHORUS
HI, H I, J ER USALLIM, M ETH USALEM, J ER USALE M
HI, HI. JERUSALEM
T H E H A R LOT O F J E R U S A L E M.
REBECCA WAS A FLOOZY COOT'
A PROSTITUTE OF ILL REPUTE
BUT SHE COLLECTED LOTS OF LOOT
BUMMING AROUND JERUSALEM.
(CHORUS)
AS I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET
WHO SHOULD I MEET BUT OLD ST. PETE
LOOKING FOR A PIECE OF MEAT
FROM THE HARLOTS OF JERUSALEM.
(CHORUS)
REDECCA WAS A WARY TART
WHEN \\E WAS PROBING IN HER PART'
ft \! H S L Y L Y L E T A < G R E A T B I G F A R T' *
AMD'ELEW HIM 'FROM HER LIKE A DART,"
PAGE 35
(CHORUS)
NEXT DOOR THERE LIVED A DAMNED-OLP FOOL
WHO WITH. HIS TOOL COULD RAISE A STOOL.
AND EVERY MORNING, AS'A RULE,
WITH IT HE SHOT A GAME OF F>OOL.
(CHORUS)
THE SON OF A GUN HE SCATTERED HIS "MON"
HE WENT OFF LIKE A GATTLING GUN
AND LAID THE KEEL FOR MANY A SON
BEFORE HE LEFT JERUSALEM.
(.CHORUS)
SONG NO. 38
RING DANG DOO
OH RING DANG DOO, NOW WHAT IS THAT
SO SOFT AND ROUND LIKE A PUSSY QAT *
SPLIT UP THE MIDDLE WITH A HAIR OR TWO
SHE SAID THAT IS MY RING PANG DOO.
SHE SAID I WAS A DAMN NICE FELLAR
SHE ASKEp ME DOWN INTQ'HER CELLAR ...
SHE FED ME WINE AND WHISKEY TOO
ANP LET ME PLAY WITH HER RING DANG DOO,
PAGE 36
YOU GOD DAMNED POOl HER MOTHER SAID
YOU'VE GONE AND BROKEN"YOUR MAIDEN HEAD
SO PACK YOUR GRIP AND SUITCASE TOO
AND GO TO,HELL, WITH YOUR RING DANG QOO.
SHE WENT QOWN TOWN AND BECAME A WHOfVt*
SHE. HUNG THIS SI G N ABQVE" H ER OQOR
ONE DOLLAR DOWN AND MAYBE TWO
TO LET YOU PLAY WITH MY RING DANG DOO.
AND NOW SHE'S GOT THE CLAP
AND THE SYPHILLIS TOO
BECAUSE SHE LET ME PLAY
WITH HER RING .DANG DOO,
SONG NO. 39 f%
COMMOpORE'S SONG
IF ! HAD THE BALLS Of h, ,
AND THE PRICK OF A REAR COMMODORE .
I'D CLIMI3 TO THE TOP OF THE,FLAG POLE
AND PEE ON THE PEOPLE ON TH E FLOOR. , •
SONG NO. 40'
SISTER SUSiE
OH ROLL JORDAN ROLL, ROLL JORDAN ROLL
SISTER SUE YOU'RE ABOUT. TO BE CALLED QN
FOR SOME O' THAT STUFF YOU'RE SlTTIN' ON ;,
FOR EVERYBODY HERE'S GOT A HARD ON
OH ROLL- JORDAN ROLL.
PAGE 37
SONG NO. 4t
OLD GRAY BONNET
PUT ON YOUR OLD GRAY.BUSTLE,
AND GO OUT "AND HUSTLE;
FOR TOMORROW THE RENT MAN IS PUE
WHILE THE BEES ARE MAKING HONEY.
LET YOyR ASS MAKE SOME MONEY
IF YOU CAN'T GET A FIVE TAKE A TWO-
PUT ON YOUR OLD RUBBER BONNET,
AND BE SURE IT IS ON IT
FOR 1 WON'T QO IT ANY OTHER WAY_
I'M AN QLD MAIDEN LADY -
AND I DON'T WANT A BABY
ON MY GOLpEN WEDDING DAY.
PUT ON YOUR OLD SPLIT PANTIES,
.THE,ONES THAT WERE AUNTIE'S
AND WE'LL GO FOR A TUSSLE IN THE 'hA.-V\.'
I N T H E F! E L D S O F C LO V E R, .
WE WILL PUT ONE OVER
IN THE GQOD OLD FASHIONED'WAY.
PUT ON THE. OLD BLUE OINTMENT,
TO 1 HE CRABS DISAPPOINTMENT
MAKE A FRESH APPLICATION EVERY PAY
JESUS CHRIST' HOW IT ITCHES
BUT IT K I LLS TH E SONS-A-BITCH ES ■,
IN THE GOOD OLD FASHIONED WAY.
PAGE "30
SO!\JG NO. 42
DRINKING-SQNG
FAR ABOVE THE YARD ARM
THE SUN SHINES IN THE SKY,
SO LETS HAVE ANOTHER LITTLE COCKTAIL
AND'LET'S HAVE ANOTHER QUT O'F^YE
IF ANY OLD GINK SHOULD OFFER US A DRINK
OH^OH.'LET IT BE SOON.
SONG NO, 43
'TUNE-IT AIN'T GONNA RAIN NO'fylQRe)
Ohi, T» I E R E A1 N 'T G O N N A* B E NO, W H I 6 K£Y
THERE AIN'T GONNA BE NO GIN
THERE AIN'T GONNA BE NO HIGHBALLS.
v TO DROWN YOUR SORROWS IN
TH I; R E AIN'T BE NO GIGA R ETTES
TO M A K E Y O U P ALE A N D TH I N
TI i E R E AIN'T GONNA B E N O W O M E N
TO MAKE YOU SIN, SIN, SIN.
PAGE ^9
SONG NO. 44
NEUUIE
(TUNE—WHERE THE RIVER SHANNON FLOWS)1
THERE'S A LITTLE SPOT ON NELLIE
AND IT'S JUST BELOW HER, BELLY
WHERE THE" HAIR GROWS SOFT AND CUR,LY
AND !S OFTEN FILLED WITH DEW
IT'S THE HOME OF MY SHILLALY1
AND I SOCK IT TO HER DAILY
IT'S THE ONLY SPOT ON NELLIE
WHERE THE RIVER SHANNON FLOWS.
SONG NO. 45
(TUNE—MY BpN'NIE LIES OVER THE OCEAN)
MY FATHER MAKES COUNTERFEIT MONEY,
"' MY, MOTHER MAKES SYNTHETIC GIN.
MY SISTER MAKES LOVE FOR A DOLLAR,
, MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN. '
MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN.
MY BROTHER'S A YOUNG MISSIONARY; ,-
-WHO SAVES YOUNG PEOPLE FROM SIN.'
HE'LL SAVE YOU A BLOND FOR TEN DOLLARS,
MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS.IN.- / '
MY GOP HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN-,
PAGE 40
SONG NO. 46
WHEN YOUR BALLS HANG LOW
WHEN YOUR BALLS HANG LOW.
CAN YOU SWING THEM TO AND FRO,
CAN YOU TIE THEM IN A KNOT,
CAN YOU TIE THEM IN A SOW,
CAN YOU TOSS THEM OE'R YOUR SHOULDER
UK t" A DI R T Y D R IT i S H S O L DI E R, ■. •
CAN YOU DO THE DOUBLE SHUFFLE,
WHEN YOUR BALLS HANG LOW.
TIDDLE D! WINK, YOUNG MA.N.
GET A WOMAN IF YOU CAN.
IF YOU CAN'T GET A-WOMAN,"
GET A CLEAN YOUNG MAN,
IF THE PRICK OF.pLD GIBRALTAR
TOOK A FLYING SCREW OF, MALTA ■,
COULD YOU GET YOUR PRiGKAND BOLLICKS
IN'AN OLD TIN CAN.
SONG Np; 47
VASSAR, B. -A.
(TUNE-LITTLE GRAY HOME IN THS'W^T)
A PRETTY YOUNG VASSAR, 13. A.
PUZZLED HER HEAD ALL ONE DAY.
/
WHAT THE QUOTIENT WOULD BE
IF C-U-N-T WERE DIVIDED BY C-O-C-K,
PAGE 41
A YOUNG HARVARD STUDENT PASSED B.Y,
SHl!ASKk".DHIM HER TROUBLE TO^TR-V,
WITH THE UTMOST PRECISION, ,
HE MADE THE DIVISION,,
AND THE QUOTIENT WAS 13-A-B-Y
SONG NO. 48
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED LOU
WHO SAID AS THE, PARSON Wf-THDREW^r ;
"NQWTHEVICKER IS QUICKER,
AND TH J C KER, A N D SLICKER,
AND TWO INCHES LONGER THAN YOU."
CHORUS
T H AT WAS A C U T E LITT L E RHYME '
SING US ANOTHER ONE, DO--OO--
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM .NANTUCKET ,
WHOSE COCK WAS SO LONG HE COULD S.UCK IT
AND HE SAID WITH A GRIN,
AS HE WIPED OFF HIS CHIN,—
"IF MY EAR WAS A CUNT ( COULD FUCK IT,'
CHORUS ■
T f ■■! E R I:-; W A S A Y O» ) N G MAN FI -i O M S A M O A
WHO MAO JUST ONt INCH, AND NO MOHt:
IT WAS ALL RIGHT FOR KEY HOI,, I.: S.
. , -AN D L! T' I* LI i G I R L' S P I l- -MOL, E S
BUT NOT WORTH A DAMN TO A WHORE,
C H O R U S
THERE WAG A Y.QUNG MAN NAMED PER KIN
W l<10 WAS F U R T I V E L Y J E R K i r 4 ! 4 ! S G E R K1 N
HIS WILL'S FACE GREW RLO Ab TO HIM SHE SAID
PLR KIN YOU'RESHI R K IN YOUR PER K ! N
CHORUS
HERE'S TO OLD.kInG MONTAZUMA
FOR FUN HE BUGGERED A PUMA
THE PUMA ONE DAY .
BIT BOTH BALLS AWAY
AN EXAMPLE OF ANIMAL HUMOR.
CHORUS
THERE WAS AN OLD MAN FROM PERU ■ ■
W H O FO R W A N T Q F SO M ETH ! N G T\0 DO
WENT UP ! N TH E GAR R ET
A N D B U G G E R L* D T hi E PA R R OT '
AND SENT THE RESULTS TO THE ZOO,
CHORUS
PAGE 43
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM KENT
WHOSE TOOL, WAS SO LONG THAT IT BENT
SO TO SAVE HlfctSEL.F TROUBLE
■ HE PUT« FT IN DOUBLE
AND INSTEAD OF COMlNG, HE WENT
CHORUS
THERE'WAS A YOUNG LADY FROM WHEELING
WHO HAD A PECULIAR FEELING
SHE LAY ON HER BACK AND OPENED HER CRACK
AND PIDDLED ALL OVER THE CEILING.
CHORUS
there was a young man from bombay
who took his girl for a ride in a sleigh
the a if? was so frigid ,
his balls they grew rigid
and all he could bring forth
was some whe;y.
CHORUS
THE^E WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM AUSTRALIA
WHO PAINTED HER ASS LIKE A DAHLIA
THE COLOR WAS THERE, THE PETALS QUITE FAIR
BUT THE ODOR —MY GOD WHAT A FAILURE.
CHORUS
PAGE 44
SONG NO. 49
little jmarie from gay paree.
parlez-vous
little: marie from gay paree
parlez-vous
little marie from gay paree,
she had a dqse and gave it to me
rinky dinky parlez-vous
the general got the croix de guerre
r 'he bast arc") was'nt even there
kinky dinky parlez-vous.
up the stairs and into'ped
pop! went her maidenhead
rinky dinky parlez-vous.
t h e fi r st l1 e u t enan t s. 7" h e y car r y t h e r u m
w e h ope to h e ll th ex give lissome
rinky dinky parlez-vous.'
the secon d li eu yenant9
t" i ! e y ' c a r r y the pac k s
we hope to hell they break their backs
rinky dinky parlez-vous.
page: -is
SONG NO.' 50
CHRISTOPHER COLOMBO
IN 1492 DISEASES WERE NOT MANY
TUf- ONLY DOCTOR IN THE LAND
WAS A GOO DAMN JEW NAMED BENNY
COLUMBUS, WENT TO HIM, ONE DAY
HIS^-ACTE WAS CALM AND PLACID
BUT TITL GOD DAMN HOOl, KILLED UP HIS'TOOL
WJTH MURIATIC ACID.
CHORUS
FOR THEY SAY H!S BALLS WERE RQUND-O, .
^;\ AND THEY HUNG OOWN TO THE QROUND-O;
*> THAT MASTURBATING, FORNICATING.
SON-OF;A-BITCH, COLOMBO.. ,
'TWAS,ON A SUNNY DA YIN MAY
T H E Y FI N A L L Y G O T S T A R T E D;
THE QUEEN WEPT BITTER TEARS-i-
COLOMBO HE JUST FARTED,
CHORUS
COUlMBO HAD A MATE,
H E LO V EI) HIM UK E , A 13R OT H [;; r ,
, AND EVERY" DAY AT HALF PAST EIGHT,
THEY WENT DOWN ON EACH'OTHER."
QHORUS
PAGfE 46
COLOMBO WAS A MAN,
FOR WHOM ALL WOMEN HANKER;
FOR ON H!S ASS HL HAD A'BOIL,
• AND ON NIS.COCK'ASNANKLR,
CHORUS
FOR FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS
THEY SAILED THf; BROAD ATLANTIC;
T lie C H L W T H »/ Y DEM AN D E D C11 N T ,
WIN C H D R O V E C O L O M 0 O F \ < A N "I I C\
.. CHORUS
F I E CIIA S ED Til E S A I L O R S I * O l I N 13 A N D R O
U N D,
A N D M N A LI., Y LI P T H E M AS F- PO LI;;
AND ONE'BY ONE HE DRAGGED THEM DOWN—-
.AND UUGGI-RED 'EM IN THE AS1:] HOLE.'
CHORUS
PAG