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Here are the broadsides only from the 1883-1897 ledger. If you wish
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BROADSIDES ONLY

She Ain't Built that Way.
A girl may join in the laugh of a boy, She may roam b.v his side all day But she can't climb a tree with the same sang froid, Because she ain't built that way.
A girl can and have lots of fun, And play with the boys all day; But she can't carry marbles in the pockets of pants, Because she ain't built that way.
A girl may run and a girl may jump, And play at lawn tennis all day. But she can't slide bases as a bail player can, Because she ain't built that way<
A girl may dance and like every chance j5f playing it off rather gay. But she can't throw a flap without a mishap, Because she ain't built that way.
A girl may be foolish or she may be wise, Not earing what neighbors says; But she can't shove her pants in the top of her boots, Because she ain't built that way.
***

ALWAYS TAKE MOTHER'S ADVICE.
Always take mothers advice she knows what is best for your good, let her kind words then sulice and never speak hasty or rude, to you in this id she is clearer, to you in this v^orld she is nearer, at your down-fall her grief is severer, so don't cause her sorrow or pain.
Chorus. Always take mothers advice she knows what is best for your good let her kind words then sufice and always take moth- er's advice.
Honor your mother so dear, she knows what is best for your good, respect her gray hairs while she is here,you will be sad when she leaves you alone in this world.
You will, never have another in this weary world is no other and God only give? you
one mother, so cherish and love her most dear.
Chorus. Always take mother's advice, she knows what is best for your good, let her kind words then sufice and always take mother's advice.

EYE FLIRTATION.
Winking right eye, I love you. Winking the left eye, I hate you. Winking both eyes, Yes., Winking both eyes at ';ie, We are watched. Winking right eye twice, I am engaged. Winking left eye twice, I am married. Dropping the eyelids, May I kiss you. Raising the eyebrows, Kiss me. Closing left eye slowly, Try and love me. Closing right eye slowly, You are beauti- ful. Covering both eyes with both hands, Bye-bye. Placing right forefinger to right eye, Do you love me? Placing the left finger to left eye, May I. C. U. Home. Placing right forefinger to left eye, You are handsome. Placing left third finger to left eye, So are you. Placing right little finger to the right eye, Aren't you ashamed?
THE LONG KANGEROO
I'am a stout Irish Paddy, I never deny it. •In simple amusement I've lead my who!* 1 hi"., I mean to live single and lei my in »ney gingle, I never intend to many n w IV, for I've traveled through England.and (hr.m^li all parts of Scotland, the green hills of Erin I've lately went through. Oh. rov siont occupation without hesitation is pleasing young girls with my long Kangeroo.
"There was a rich lady who lived in Mnn- ■■ chester'.-whose' husband *wa* "nlarried for seven long years. She winked 'at mo slyly and at me cast an eye, saying Paddy your the boy 1 love dear. For I know by your eye your the boy that can do it, mid unto me arms she inatantly flew, fifty bright guineas, she slipped into me pocket to tickle her tale with me long Kangeroo.
There was a rich lady who heard of his doings, and sent for O'Carroll to come in great haste. Saying the greatest of pitas" 'ire, :'ll now do unto you if you will but sho.. this comical beast. For I've seen all 'he birds and beasts of the tower, from Mio '•'»>n be*, -o ttit wild coca'doo. From tiL.- nay I was bom'to this very hour'l never saw the bird caile'ri the long Kangeroo.
I turned around to this fair lady and offered her every thing that was j«$t, say* - «jg clearest madam this thing that T speak of is really neither a bird or a bens', but'a wad of prod flesh something less ih'an me arm and out of me belly spontaniously grew. ItS'place Of concealment one span from me nable, for talk sake they call it the long Kangeroo.
When this fair lady see what 1 was after she turned like one in amaze. Sho turned around and to he bed-chamber saying Paddy O'Carroll this way if you please and what we done there 1 will leave for you to guess at. The holy performance that night we went through. Fifty bright guineas she slipped in me pocket, wasn't that a pretty picking for me long Kangeroo.
When the job it was over faith she was in clover saying Paddy O'Carroll your the boy I love dear and if you'll consent to live with me I'll make you a lord of ten thou.-. and a year. 1 thanked her kmdly and said 1 waa married. My stout occupation I w-d t,ersue. So that is the story which ,tddeth much glory to Paddy O'Carroll and his long Kangeroo,
i
->
Sunday School Union
As Kattie was viewing herself in the glass she resolved to see both her cunt and^ > jier -ase. Says she dearest Madam I will thave a fine view, for my cunt it resembles the mouth of a jew.
So she called in Sophia her own servant maid.to get her a painter a painter by tracle ai painter whose name it was Jack to color her cunt which was thundering black.
So in came Jack jj.ith his prick in his hand to see Kattie naked it made his prick- rfgtaud. Says she dear Jack don't stand in a^ fright,can yon color a black cunt and make it look white.
So he laid her down on the broad of her and ran t reive inches right into her crack. Oh, she wabbled and scrawled and^ said she would faint; Oh, dear Jack just^ wait a minute I'm "just going to jffaint^ , Oh, my cunt its as juicy as juicy can be. it resembles an orange that grows on a tree you can suck it or fuck it do just as you. please, aud the hairs of my ass you caja:,
qouat at your ease. ''Styj."'

Break It Off And Let It Stay.
Put your arms around hie darling, Kiss my cheeks untill they blush, Tickle Die until! I tremble, If I muruier make me blush. Draw me close to you darling, Put your arras beneath my dres^? 'Take me to your bed-room dear one, Give me what I love the best. €Jiw it to me neatly darling, Rip* me open if yo*i can, IMraw me close to you darling, What is life without a man. iPush it into me my darling, You can please me if you try, Keep it up a little longer, Do it soon and let it die. ;Vim 'it lip into my belly, Fuck me untill I faint away, Try and fear my cunt Wide open, Break it off and let it stay.

A DROP OF INK.
A drop of ink—how much it holds, Upon my pen point newly wet; A brilliant fancy it enfolds, Perhaps, U I could only get It rightly spread upon the sheet Of paper, spotless, free from staim— Alas! I gaze out in the street And chew my pen holder in vain.
Maybe within that inky drop A poem lies, designed for fame; But I can't reach Parnassus' top Because, you see,|my feet are lame. An epigram it may contain Replete with wisdom and with wit, Fm> sure it would not make me vain If Fate would let me make a hit
But while Fm speculating here, The ink will dry upon my pen; I'll cast aside all doubt and fear, Maybe my Fate will help me then. All men of genius, I suppose, Dash down their burning thoughts red hot— | I'll do the same myself—Here goes !— By Jove! I've only made a blot!
—Somerville Journal.

R.U. ONIT
U.R. WRIGHT
ONIT & WRIGHT. U. I Ulft^JjT,
MANUFACTUEEES OF
Ladies Underear.
200 Cundum St., GREENBUSH, N.Y.
Lacties? Drawers nadeio orcl^i by meMRiirementor can be
taken (if agreeable) by the celebrated split pattern, picnic drawers a specialty. Made with turn-over flaps.
R.U.A.Cramer, Agent

Dear Nellie: May I have the pleasure of your company to the dance this evening? If so, meet me at 8 o'clock.
Ever yours, W: Y. O. D. (ON THE WAY.)
She:—Say, Will', what made you sign "W. Y. O. D"?
He:—Willie Your Own Dai ling? She:—Mother and I thought it ment: Wear Your Open Drawers—and I did it.
(Over.:—

A Girl's Toast.
She laid on the bed stark naked, so round and chilly and I beside her naked leg, while each hand clasp her bubbie I kissed her lips with crazy glee, beneath her chin did chat- ter, and then our legs did entwine. I then began to fuck her. Pull it out she cried don't spit inside, for I will get in trouble. I laid on her snowy breast the stream did' squirt and bubble. I gazed into her fright- ened eyes and full of laughter burst I said my dear that is the youngest child you ever nursed. She scooped it up with one fair hand and laughed a soft ha, ha. and she threw it in my face and said child go and kiss your pa. Star.

BLOODHUNT
BY AN EAR WITNESS.
On going to bed last' night As 1 laid oft my clothes anil turned out the 1-gM I heard a voice pleading in piteous strain Pleading for mercy bin pleading in vain.
Twas a womans voice and it touched my he*rt And aroused my courage to take her pan I sought my revolve*, Uclcrined to save A helpless woman though 1 killed the knave.-
I paused at the door and the next I heard • My pattouu rose then my courage sirived; 'Twaa the earnest plea of a virgeu wife And not a victim pleading for life.
She seemed distress and her pitiful plea Was not for her lite "But let me be'' But alas her plea was of no avail, For his heart was hard; hard us his tail.
And notwithstanding her groans and her tears Iler longing for res', and her terrible fears, lie still persisted to know his wife Even at the cost of her precious life.
JSnd yet he seemed modest, pitted brr sore And he told her respeetf u'ly o'er afiSji-o'er, And he said dearest Hetta 'tis hard I well know But 1 will bo careful 1 will go slow.
Aod now lletta dear, please say if you care ■Should [ place my hand right up under tin-re Under ncalh four long gown. I'll plane ii with care For you well know, sweet Ketlaniy treasure is there.
<J! please dont dear George, its awful 1 am Mire And something you well know I cannot endure If I had but known 1 must come to this I would sure be contented to live as a Miss.
''01 pshaw," dearest Kelt* your sweet little elf. It'll give vou great pleasure as well as uiysilf, And you know dearest Ketta that I have the right To do as I choose with your person to-night.
But if you're delermencd I shant have a crack We'd better turn over and lay back to back. And until the morning our places lo keep And see if my Helta can get to sleep.
They both turned over but noljto sleep, Nor not very long their places to keep; For there's no man living who could lay in lad And sleep all night with a.niaiden-head.
And George but human you'.very well know And iiever intended lo give up his ■•show," But he kept up his "poslsh" as long as he could Aud a might sight louger.lhau mo.-t men would.
He then turned over and resolved to claim The ehroino gem of the beautiful dauiu For hours he had coaxed and plead ^Eor a willing surrender of her maiden-head.
And now as the clock told the uoou of night He resolved to take it or loose a light lie didn't seem angry he didn'ljswear But I knew from the rumpus his hand was ihere.
Said he RettaTove, though my heart is lender I've resolved to do it, and you must sun under But before 1 begin I would like lo know- When you bad your turns last, how long ago.
I want, to begin this thing all right And not fix you out the vcrvlflrst night If you must know the truth I will tell September the twentieth L was unwell.
All right said George and a certain sound Proclaimed the truth that.Kotta was crowned Have I got too high or is it too low? And sweet Kelt* flattered, 'Oh; dear I don't know.
Then followed instant sharp cries of distress That made me feel awful I must confess 1 thought of her misery, how it.must hurt Of her helpless condition aud bloody shirt.
Then her cries became bolder, "Oh, don't Oh, dear!" It was dreadful lo hear, < rcn painful loheav! But he said my dear Helta lis a bad job I know liul I will be careful, I will go slow.
Yet still dearest darling if you think it best I'll stop for a while and give you a rest I heard him roll over, she cared to weep 1 listened a moment and then fell asleep.
But soon 1 was aioused hy cries ol pain Then 1 knew that the villan was at, her again Now deaf to her moaning, In r groans and her sighs Dear George like a Pirate bore down on bis prize,
The struggle waxed hotter as I he end drew nigh The bed ceased to squeak and 1 heard him sigh The confliut uow over tUe grcal victory gaiued Though blood bad been shed and gaimenls stained,
Said George get up Rctta. gel up! aod sbe got And in less than a moment was tiding the pot But the thing acted badly nil up many Hicks And Hetta was certain .-lie had got into a hS.
They both got excited and sli nek up a tight, Aud looked in the ve Bilaiul I. u d it nil li;,ht Then into their bed both •buileiy en pi, Aud, Hie llim; beta, over 1 boon tell asleep.
STAR print

LONG KANGEROO.
I'am a stput Irish Paddy, Inever deny it, In simple amusement I've lead my whole life, 1 meaul.o live single and let my money "ingle, I never.intend to marry a wife, for I've traveled through Eagland,*and through all parts of Scotland,the green hills of Erin I've lately went through. Oh, my stout occupation without hesitation is pleasing young! girls with iay long Kangeroo.
The?* v/asoa rich lady who lived in Man- chester, whose liusfcand was married for seven Ions years. She winked at me slyly and at me cast an eye, saying Paddy your 1 he hoy 1 love dear. For 1 know hy your i-ye >otir the hoy thai can «0 it, and vmU) me arms she inalantly flew, fifty ttltiki guineas, she slipped into me pocket * to tackle her tale witli me long Kangeroo.
There wasa rich lady who heard of his doings, and sent for O'Carroll to come in * great haste. Saying the greatest of pleas- ! ure, I'll now do unto you if you will but show this comical beast. For I've seen all M the. birds and beasts of the lower, from the Arabian bear to the wild cocadoo. From thq day I was born ;to this-very hour I never r% saw the bird called the-Jong Kangeroo.
I turned around to this fair lady and . offered her every thing that was just, say- _ ins dearest madam this thing that I speak '* of,is really neither a bird or a beast, but a wad of prod flesh something loss than 'me * arin and out of me belly spontaniously. grew. Its place of concealment one-8pariv'' from me nable, for talk . sake they call it the long Kangeroo.
When this fair jtady see what I was after she turned like one in amaze. She turned ',' around aud to her bed chamber saying Paddy IKGarroll this way if you please and what we done there 1 will leave for you to guess at,. The holy performance that night we' went through. Fifty bright guineas she Ppe'1 in me pocket, wasn't that a pretty V for me long Kangeroo.
"Ten the job it was over faith she was in ciover saying Paddy O'Carroll your the boy I love dear and if you'll consent to live wiih me 111 make you a lord of ten thous- and a year. 1 thanked her kindly and said-"" I«wns married. My stout occupation I ment to pernio. So that is the story which. addeth much glory to Paddy O'Carroll ail^ liis/iong &angerooA

WE N^YEjt SPEAK AS WE PASS BY/
■ \\v Started. off on our Summer (rips, 'With a clean.hc\\d shirt and a well wineit The first-town reach I to late todeiim, IVhen we canot work we have some fu^
We start out on the busy street, To fee if we cant find fresh raeet^ '■Werfi almost sure we cannot fail, £Y>r every town is full ojtail. j
Vv'e slyiy wTnk as we pass by. She's all broke up, Oh my,' Oh in-y»-c. All things are filled in very short time, Tiie sole is made; its in-onr line.
We. start out on our second week, Has trade been good1, well I should snickef t:» rt wli'-jf is this in nine days time, Up god: it hurts to link our brime.
WV loudlv call let us be gin, Our grips W packed with medicine, And as we flnly bite a nail Now we never a£tdxi*will take for (ail,' •
We gently moove and r»auly sigh. As "Doctor" says ten and with his eve/ We go off wise but sadder men, But Jie very next trip we catch It flgoj/J* j

A__¥__@__BV *
5®-C.^-C.-v-M.jp
-
A Jimmy coine fuck me, I'm dying for skin, To do without it any longer would be a great sin, 1 have suffered for years, I've been fucked only twice, And for the third shot I would pay a big price.
I know you would like it, the feeling is rich, For liie fellow that fucked me -aid, O! yon swegt bitcb, You will kill me with pleasure, but 0! lc For 1 felt as though both soul and body would fly.
Perhaps I might tell of a streak of good luck, That happened to me at my maiden-bead fuck, Were I at your ears I would lisp it in tones, That would cause the congestion to lake place in your stones.'-
I was out with Pick Jones, in the straw berry patch, When he offeiH mo a quarter to look at my snatch, ' Said I 01 ym.i ijoarter 1 don't wish to steel it, But as for my snatch you can step up and feel it.
.So he steped up ro me put his arms around my waste, We both drew our breath in a mighty great haste, 1 'sank on.my knees in the pretty green grass, Aud soon felt his fingers . . kluig my ass.
I jumped 'in inch back ami oless his dear soul, His fingers were in a more tickling bole, I pitted his flngen«, tor I km w iliev would smell, And then he would wish lie bid stuok them in hell.
When his fingers got slippery he took them away, And began with his old toodle-wacker to play, He then laid me down on the flat of my back, And swore that he wanted to open my crack.
His tool was as large as a big ear of corn, The largest I had seen since the day I was born, But my snatch felt as though if. would swallow a dog, ■Or chew a mans roller as big as a log.
My clothes flew up and my heels flew up too, And the head of his dodger looked awfully blue, When it came in contact with the lips of my snatch, He winded l"s ass and began for to scratch.
But he prescnilv fouDd he was in the wrong box, For his prick had a head like the heart of an ox, To shove i- any further he feared it would tear, And 1 didn't tell him 1 didn't care.
But when ho li id shuffled and bowed up his back, The head of bis dodger slip'd out of the crack, When lie attemped lojnake the next pass, The oyster soup ran all over ray ass.
Then his courage revived, and he at me again, And though he did hurt me I did not complain, For I was determined I hough blood should be spilt, That in it should go, and/hat up to thejblit.
And in it did go to the hair and its roots, And I wished thai Ins hollos had went into boot, for never did I since the dav of my birth, Expect such good feelings existed on earth.
My legs flew up with my heels n his ass, And 1 at the same time tore up h indsfull of grass, While his tool was playing a nine inch sweep, Backwards and forward as fast as a sheep.
But 1 presently thought he had poured out bis'soui, For I felt that" a tide in my bi i.v did roll, But soon out came, his dodger all limber and greecy, And had the appearance of being more easy.
Then his bollox swung round like the weights of a clock,, Much lower 1 think than the head of his cock, And then he proposed he would lake a short rest, He thought the next luck would be tbe best.
But I though! that his prick would uever rise from the dead,. So I took my Augers and tickled the head, Signs of life did appear aud a growing began, And then 1 looked forward for a little more fun.
It presently goi to its former large size, And I wish he hail made it reach clear to my eyes, The next time it weut in with the greatest of ease, For the first shot did all the machinery greese.
Then heven what feeling all through me did flit, So glorious good I thought I should shit, But how could X siiii wiiile here on the ground,. jfor my suatch it was HUtlcherl till no ass could be found,,.
i

. 80ME JHIRfy YEARS-
no, mother, pul your knitlin •■ . . done ooi/h to-nlfdll; . 11 Isn't .-... 'In in "14 .-.'
Clllnlle it-ill,
Tliey Bin'l i.-> ilii-.li> i» Hi- >
: . ;.. I-I.i-JMI. (I I n-'.-l 11: ■' i ■•T»ii--_- i
Ibvlhilc,
""I. (,
llllltjj II,,., ll.tl. » n.i.'l III
. I'll Willi.
. ;li. ii sil - lament.
Up ill Hit "union corner" you wi.nl>] iiH
lake your hi .ii. ■\n llnoiii with Hi.- .-.in-iu In n voll------roil*
ter sweet I'hnl ofontliiies I've slid my eyes. nod finll
imagined you Win-' iict'Hll) an angel scni to li.ii. Ihe meet-
I miiiT i;'l'"l'".«-''"Ani:i/.ii, ill......' n
Would m'ujYe mo 'leei' like I war' 'win
el'at-to tl«' Anger [i|.-, iu'".SuuierTum, Why Will V.- Hi.-, poi
sungsofeeltn'ly,
. it made.....think you sunii Especially
at me.
[reckon for n li.iw i nielita i sol
near tin- .1.....■.
- An'when the benediction come I'll sweat
from everj poMi Because r have deturratactl tor to ojteeyou
my arm. Au'axlfrnilghtseoyoU home.....rOst von
Cither's farm; iiutwhen I'd take my |flw* m .....• »uuiii.
tin liiili- i-liiiii-h An'sue you coiuln' through tin- door, my
heart'd, give a li
All'II.mi I'llsliiml dumb a.--u foul, mi' swill-
l.-i-nt .the chokes Till you war'half way tldwn ih.' lam i.li.ii'.' with .!' your i<i
I swan to goodness jflNHM1' *' • i• ■>-->> ' make
me lii To think o'men staudi'i- Unit', :i givm i.k-
liashful calf,
Vlthmit ll spark "' I'oi I . make :.
move, although I didn't mink you'd suck »»« fur you hn<l
no oilier beau. Km inn-night I' remember, I war' siiiin'ln
tliu rear. \\ h.'ii I'ynis Hawkins niidgi'il my arm, an'
whispered in my oar: •Mist watch incwen the moetln's out an' yon
will see a sight— l'mgnin'.o as June Mall 111 kin beau In r
home tonight,
hi,lima .-rickets! hut the wonts ,jisi etll me
lik-.-.-i.....-i,
All' II war' all lliiit I COUld 111. I.iswnll... .lou n
An' Ihe'n an' tlii-r.- I -il.-nt vowed thai I wottld
In-a lout To-let that slmii-hy, freckled fool Step1 ill an"
• ■111 11)0 OUt.
So when Iheold dnxnlogy w.-ri-h.-in nimg, I
crop'
I'misiil.- ahead oi all ihe i-.-sl all' -......1 upon
the step, An" when 1 staggered "p'" >'"u-:| wobhUli to
the knots,
\ nil Ink my iirai an'otl w iv.nl a- .-..-, a- you pii-aso.
Do you remember, iiiolhei'.how I never spoke
l w.nl Til w. war'nearly hair-wu.i home ? I -u..w.
H wasaosonl il*n I'd novel'had n gal ......ln-,1 .....>.
Ihut-a-way, Ami I'll be Ideal il'l could think of nnyttalng
to say. Twni'ynn as broke llieM.litudc, all' ll'li'd |o
siart tin- talk, Observin' (.war1 n lovely night, nn' snlenclM
fur a walk, An' If my memory snrvi's.....rigid my 'Inrjia.
bash fulness Condi used my answer to asnil.o' whlHtterecl
lialf.skcored "yes."
Well, inoiher, 'Iwar' n funny start, but blew
the lord above. 't ended In a double ease ..i mn-.--i-.iini
'love- When we got moi'i- acquainted I c.spccl I
inlkedasgoi.il As any iove-siek country boy in urn- whole
neighborhood. An' after the revival broke I didn't -mini no
more An' wait fur you, proud as a king outside ih,
i-huivir..d.Hi,-.
But then thatdidn'l break tlsofflnnt l.ia ping
iicy sight, liocaus.. I went n ciiiirtiu' you n,...t ever*
Mmdi.y night
An', inolhcr, do yon mlniltliat blessed day in
early Spring. When Hi.- hi.-s i,,.g„n to hum around an
birils begun to sing'.' Ifotinilyou in Ihe pastor' lot a. milkm" an' I
The story of the buniin' love that in m.\
bosom rolled. Je-whi?.! bul bow ihe milk did lly: von
s.iiie./.eilso-lanialliiu-d The heifer kicked the hneket nearly liali
nerosl l lie yard An' when I letc&d it hack agin an' Ink yuu
by the banff, Your look nindcjuo the happiest man in all
this Vankjt laud.
Km- thirty vea*s we've Jogged along tin- rug-
g.sl i.,..;,.. ife, An'inolh.-i ion have bin to nieatnie and
noble wife- Our old revival meelin' love hainl flickered
out ii hit,
An' though we're get I In' old an' gr.-i\, .^.'r.- lhenisaine lovers yit,
Your kisses now arc Just as sweet, an' mil IV heavenly dew, is,"
.'.s llieni you Kive me at the gale wUSip war' eouiiin'you, ^J*
An' we will still lie lovers when I etssp you to my bresl,
"Whar the wicked cease from ironjitln', an' Hie weary are at rest."

She Ain't Built that Way.
A girl may join in the laugh of a boy, She may roam by his side all day But she can't, climb a tree with the same sang froid, Because she ain't built that way.
A girl can and have lots of fun, And play with the boys all day; But she can't carry marbles in the pockets of pants, Because she ain't built that way.
A girl may run and a girl may jump, And play at lawn tennis all day. But she can't slide bases as a ball player can, Because she ain't built that way.
A girl may dance and like every chance Of playing it off rather gay. But she can't throw a flap without a mishap, Because she ain't built that way.
A girl may be foolish or she may be wise, Not caring what neighbors says; But she can't shove her pants in the top of her boots, Because she ain't built that way.
***

Fucking on the Delaware.
When ou the beaoh together we sat, To have a little social chat, Soon to hug me he began, And in my bosom his hand he ran, I could not resist, I do declare, So he felt my bubs, "ou the Delaware."
My petticoats, he began to lift, And soon, his hand was beneath my shirt, With kisses sweet, aud nature warm, He promised fair he'd do no harm, The temptation was great, and to my surprise, He put his hand beneath my thighs; To keep my secret, he did swear, And he felt my cunt, "on the Delaware."
He took my hand and what a shock ! He placed it on his long stiff cock, I felt its stiftnes--, and its strength, Twelve inches, seemed to be its length, And just below there, hung the bags, As largp, as seen anywhere, Hung between these legs, "on the Delaware."
He pulled it out, and at i»e did shake it^ s I feared it. Yet I thought it best, 0 As 1 had the chance, to stand the test; He laid rae down, aud then ho tried. To put his prick, between my thighs, Aud rested his h' ad. betweeu the hairs. That curled my cant, "ou the Delaware "
I opeffelT my thighs, for Oh ! Oh ! I loved it. Aud gave him a chance, further up to shove it, As every stroke, in me was driven, I prayed more power to him be given, My cunt felt good, and just above it, He soon had not an inch to spare, For I took it all in "on the Delaware."
He shoved it up so firm and strong Yon could not tell to whom the bags belonged; He pushed it quickly out and in, I pretty soon began to spin. I could not resist. I .lid my share Of fucking "on the Delaware."
He then began to blow and grunt, And firmly pressed it further up my cunt. He kissed me sweet, and how ho sent it, Oh 1 how delicious, we both soent it. It felt so good we did not stop Till he had spent his last sweet drop. We both had all that we could bear, Of fucking "on the Delaware."
When I got up, I began to think, How close I was to Mais brink; I resolved and swore in vain, From ever doing this again. I knew it was wrong, I felt ashamed and swore. Hereafter to beware, Of fucking "on the Delaware."
In an hour or two I began to feel that an inch or more I would like to steel, I buried And looked and low with head bowed down If not entirely dead, the prick that was so soft and strong, Was dead and not two inches long I then set down in deep dispair, Of useiug it again "on the Delaware."
"Sunday School Union."
■

Break it off and let it Stay.
Put your arms around, me darling, Kiss my cheeks until tliey blush, Tickle me until I tremble, If I murmer make me blush.
Draw me close to you darling, Put your arms beneath my dress, Take me to your bed-room dear one, live me what I love the best.
Give it to me neatly darling, Jftip me open if you can, Draw me close to you darling, What is life without a man.
Push it into me darling, You can please me if you try, Keep it up a little longer, Do it soon and let it die.
Drive it up into my belly, Fuck me until I faint awav, Try and tear my mint wide open, Break it off and let it stay.
"Sunday School rnton."

NOW DON'T—OH, DO.
Oh, quit—get out f now don't; I really wish you wouldn't! Oh, quit—you hurt me; stop ! You know I said you couldn't. O! you've got it in—do stop! You shan't have any more ; You've got (oh, stop, it hurts) What no man got before. - Oh ? take it out, now do, oh, don't; You've got my legs all bare— Oh, take it out ; no, keep it in. Now. push it—Oh, there, there, T-H-E-R-E! ! ! !

IS MARRIAGE A FAILURE.
Nine-tenths of the unhappy marriages are the result of green human calves being allow- ed to run at large in society pasture without any yoke on them. They, marry and have children before they have moustaches. They are fathers of twins before they are proprie- tors of two pairs of pants, and the little girls they marry are old women before they are twenty years old. Occasionally one of these gosling marriages turns out all right, but it is a clear case of luck, if there was a law against young galoots sparking and marrying before they had cut all their teeth we suppose the lit- tle cusses would evade it in some way. But there ought to be a sentiment against it. It is time enough to for these bantams to think of rinding a pullet when they have raised money enough to buy a bundle of lath to build a hen house. But they see a girl that looks cunning, and they are afraid there are not go- ing to be enough to go round, and then they begin to spark real spry, and before they are aware of the sanctity of the marriage relations they are hitched for life, and before they own a cook stove or a bedstead they have to get up in the night and go after the doctor so frightened that they run themselves out of breath and abuse the doctor because he does not run too. And when the doctor gets there there is not linen enough in the house to wrap up the "kid."

A POEM-
* A precocious youth being asked how many animals were in bed with a newly married couple, replied in the following noetic strains.'
One night after having paraded the streets, These animals mst between one pair of sheets, Two deers, four calves, two asses, two bears, One game-cock, one monkey, and two nests of hairs.
The deers and the hairs stretched down from the head, While the calves ranged themselves nearthe foot ofthe&. The rest of the animals all lay in pairs, But the game-cock and monkey who slept with the%airs,,;
Whilst most of the animals slept without fear, The bears and the asses so frightened the deer, That in rubbing togatlisr sometime in the night, The game-cock and monkey got into a fight.
The game-cock soon found himself highly enraged, And the monkey lay quiet though somewhat engaged, For she knew that the game-cock whose gills were so red, After spending his fury would then hang his head.
The monkey was sly and concluded to lay, 'Till the game-cock beat his brains,out and then havener own way, she winked her one eve and eunninglv said, it no fuss would sae make with the beasts in the bed.
j_ .''the rest of the animals took sides in pairs, For- fear of some damage being done to the hairs, And though all were engaged of all sizes and classes, All the bloo$ that was spilt was between tfie two asses.
With the squabbling and picking and all the rest of it, It is very uncertain who-got the best of it, But the monkey, whose strength had not suffered much shock, Commenced again picking a fuss with the cock. Th re was blood spilt this time and with so little pain, Tliafc*both were quite willing to try it again, And^he last battle closed though the monkey was tame, Very much like the first with a simple drawn game.

101st Annual Afternoon Moonlight Excursion ^
«<«. •--------►—•or toe^*---------^.»»
SUNDAY, JANUARY 42nd, 1967 TO DELIRUM GROYE,
onk thousand miles from fog island.
Tickets Free- Children
Half-Price- ;
Orphans Accompanied by their Parents Not Admitted.
>. At an enormous outlay of persuasion prmru'eps, wind, Ac, the Steamer
Tomato Can and the two large and commodious slide bottom barges STUMPS & BUTTS have been chartered for
the occasion ana ' will leave toot of Distillery Alley at 13:9."> i\ H., punctually preci>Hy;
all not on board will please run after the barge. Life Preservers can be had at LUTE CARLE'S SAMPLE ROOM-
*
MUSIC BY THE WHITE BEANS PULL BAND. DANCING COMMENCES AT 17 P. G
'
COMMITTEE :
The following gentlemen have volunteered to make things as disagreeable
as possible:
GIN PIZE. BRANDY SMASH. TOM GIN.
RYE WHISKEY.
N. Q. If the Excursion proves favorable the weather will be postponed
till the next fair day before and du* notice will be given in last week's papers.
Q, Z. The police boat shivery Shake will accompany the excursion to
prevent the return
and landing of any of tha e -nrsionists.
' : ^

A NEW DEPABTUBE. *
Improyed Cultivator ana Plow
COMBINED.
1st. It goes in full depth.
2d. You can ride it if you wish.
3d. "When properly used the point does not wear off, but becomes harder when entering the soil.
4th. It should not be used too long at one time, if so the timber will draw and then it will become too soft for use.
5th. It plants its seed deep when the soil is suitable.
6th. The planter never becomes clogged when in motion.
7th. It is adjustable in size, and works so easily that a girl of 18 can use it without any trouble.
8th. Warranted to work if properly tested.
9th. It can be used as a churn and fur- nishes its own cream.
10th. The sack in which the seed is carried is so neatly fitted that when emptied it refills itself in a short time.
11th. All grangers in good standing have adopted them, and their wives will not keep house without one on the premises. It is im- possible to live happily and contented without it.
12th. They will last a lifetime without being repaired if used on the owner's farm. Eented grounds is liable to be foul and corrode the plow and render it unfit for use.
13th. The rules of the grangers prohibit any member from running his planter in his neigh- bor's soil without consent of his wife.
14th. The Grand Master will furnish widows and old maids with the planter, and try it for them. If they do not like it they need not take it.
*
15th. Each granger and his wife are allowed to manufacture as many as they choose. No Royalty Charged. Price $2.50.
AGENTS WANTED.

Come Girls, 10 O'Clock,
P
and go. to bed.

A VERY BASHFUL MAN.
Senator Sebastian, of Arkansas, was a native of Hickman county,Tennesson. On one occasion a member of Congress was lamenting his bashfulness and awKwardnes^. "Why," said the senator from Rackensack, "you don't know what bashfulness is.' Let me tell you a story, and when I get though 1 will stand the bob if you don't agree that you never knew anything about bashfului'ss and its baneful effects. I was the most bashful boy east of the Alleghanies. I wouldn't look at a girl,much less speak t) a maiden; but for all that I fell desperately in love with a sweet, beautiful neighbor girl. It was a desirable match on both side.* and the old folks saw the drift and fifxed it up. 1 thought I should die ju>t think-, ing of it. I wasagawky, awkward country lout, about ninteen \ears old. She was an intelligent, refined and fairlv well educated girl in a country and at that time when the girls had superior advantages, and were therefore superior in culture to the boys. 1 fixed the day as far as 1 could have it put off. I lay awake in a cold perspiration as the time drew near, and shivered with agony as I thought of the terrible ordeal.
'"Thedreadful day came. I went through with the programme somehow in a dazed, confused, mechanical sort of way, like an automaton booby,through a supper where I could eat nothing, and through such games as 'possilhi pie,' 'Sister Phcebe,' and all that sort of thing. The guests, one by one departed, and my hair began to stand on end. Beyond the awful curtain of Isis lay the terrible unknown. My blood grew cold and boiled by turns. I was in a fever and then an ague, pale and flushed by turn". I felt like fleeing to the woods, spending the night in the barn, leaving for the West never to return. I was deeply de- voted to Sallie. 1 loved her harder thau a mule could kick; but that dreadful ordeal 1 could not stand it. Finally the last guejst was gone the bride retired, the family went • to bed, and I was left alone with the
r old man. 'John,' said lie, 'you can take
the candle; you will find your room just over this. Good niebt, and may the Lord have mercy on your soul,' and with a mischievous twinkle in his gray eye the old man left the room. I mentally said 'Amen' to his 'Heaven help you,' and when I heard * him close a distant door, staggered to my feet and seized t he farthing dip with a nerv- ous grasp. I stood for some minutes contemplating my fate, and the inevitable and speedy doom about to overwhelm me. I knew it could not be avoided, and yet I hesitated to meet my fate like a man. I stood so long that three love letters had grown on the wick of the tallow dip and a winding sheet was decorating the side of the brass candlestick.
"A happy thought struck me. I hastily climbed the stairs, marked the position of the landing and the door of the bridal chamber. I would have died before 2 would have disrobed in that holy chamber, where awaited me a trembling and beauti- ful girl, a blushing maiden 'clothed upon' with her own beauty and modesty, and her snowy robe de uuit. I would make the usual preparation without, blow out the liirht. open the door and friendly night would shield my shrinking modesty and horror of the situation. It was soon done. Preparations for retiring were few and simple in their character in Hickman, alto- gether consisting of disrobing. and owing to scarcity of cloth in those days man was somewhere near the Adamic stale when he was prepared to woo sweet sleep. The dreadful hour had cr.me. I was ready. I blew out the light, grasped the door knob with a deadly grip and a nervous clutch; one mo- ment and it would be over. One moment and it was over sure enough. I leaped within,and there around a glowing hickory fire, with candles brightly burning on man- tel and bureau, was the blushing bride.sur- rouuded by her six lovely bridesmaids. Keiio!"

Boring for Oil.
You may talk of excitement so scarce and so rare, Of bansh[?]
and of water-falls done up in hair,
But if you will just listen to me for awhile I'll relate my adventure while boring for oil.
I went to Oil city, that place of renown, I viewed the fine country, prospecting the town,
Prospecting the ground, and prospecting the soil, . [In] search
of a spot to go boring for oil.
One evening while tie rambling I met a fair maid, And unto
this damsel I gently did say 'Tis all for a fortune I'm willing to toil,
If I knew of a spot to go boring for oil.
She smiled as she said, well now I declare;
I know of a spot and have watched it with care, And no one has seen it since I was a child,
And if you will bore there you will surely strike oil.
Says I to myself, my fortune is made; If you show the spot I'll see you well paid,
Then she lifted her garments for fear they would soil, And showed
me the spot to go boring for oil.
[I ki]ssed this fai[r maid] one hundred times ore, [.......]
bat her [.......]ed on natures green floor; [.....]was with
[.........]t, my blood it did boil, Then I pulled out my
AUGER, to go boring for oil.
I not bor[ed but] six inches or so,
And the oil free[ly and w]ell it freely did flow,
She smiled and she stammered, my character spoiled, And you have
lifted[?] my kidneys, while boring for oil.

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THE REHERSAL.
I am thinking dear Will of you and of merry days gone bye; The old
church, where oft we sang together, you and I. But thoughts of one rehearsal night, will constantly arise, Till "I
can read my title clear, to mansion in the sky."
I am tanking of that rainy night, the rest had harried home. And we in Deacon Foster's pew, were sitting all alone; You were seeking then dear Will, "but hot of things above," The length the depth, the breadth, the highth, of everlasting love.
And I was on the anxious seat, uncertain how to move. With in thy arms of love's embrace, thy constancy to prove, And, oh! the promises you made, you were my own dear Will, What peaceful hours I once enjoyed—how sweet their memory still.
Oh! what sweet words of love you spake, and kissed away the tears. And how I trembled at the thought, lest some one should appear; But when you turned the lights all out. to guard against surprise. "I bid farewell to every fear, and., wiped my weeping eyes."
When you fixed the cushion's up, and I reclined at ease, The pulpit pillows neath
my head, and you on bended knees, With your warm kisses on my lips, how could I stay your hand, The veil was lifted, and by faith, you saw the promised land.
And, oh! what rapturous feeling thrilled every nerve, and when, I cried 'oh Lord, my heart is touched," you shouted out, "Amen:" My very soul was all ablaze, I thought that I could see, The land of saints delight, the heaven prepared for me.
I thought a chance to keep, I had with mingled fear and shame, How anxiously
[.......]hed, dear Will, till I came round again;
In my distress I [...]ly stove to check the willing tears. The gracious blood
flowed freely forth, and conquered all my fears.
But that was many years ago, and I've no doubt that you, Remember still that very night in Deacon Foster's pew; And, oh! my first experience will ne'er forgotten be, While down the stream of life we glide into eternity.
I'm married now, my husband thinks in me he has a prize, Oh, me, where ignorance is
bliss 'tis folly to be wise," Of you dear Will he nothing knows, and as my heart's at rest, And not a wave of trouble, waves across my peaceful breast.

11m <•>» at Palatine Britfjtfer ~ '/
Palatixe Bkidgb, N. Y., Get. 25.
To the Editor of the Tt'rfFarm and Homey*
Saturday Oct.24th occored another 'colt race
.it the Palatine driving park which was
good although it-did not cause so muGhe^citr.
ment as- tbe iastone. Ever genial Frank I?«rt-
letl op two blankets and a whip »a2a«$
at $20. Divided. .No-entrance.
: fl. Batsinger,,Fort Plain b m] Alace, . F. 'J rusk,Fort Plain,b nBySfary Druse, C. McCartly, Fort Platai, eh mr Fioia
Temple, L. P>ie)bauer,C&s*sjoharie-,b g B&vrerj
Boy, _ m. L. pmith, Can«ioliarie,3) m IVai^y,
Tin- i-ace was considered very even but A fir i, a big green 4 y earmold outlassed ther» all and surprised every one bf doing th© first mile ever driret^on a track in .i.01 and plenty oi' outside watabes maile it nra»eh faster but ws take time announced from th«- judges' stand.- In this heat Dai*y had a •.nfsh»JI#*I caused her retirement for the Mary*
Druse 3-drnrer lost the ireat by isappfbsffrJBow-i ery Boy third. Flora fourth; second heat it was a figjiftbetween Alacs'winnir.^-hy »-length'i Mar.y second, Flora third,,-BiJ fourth; thirds heat again it ipAlace and Mary with BB coming strong at the half? Mary takes the lead on tim taiVM lapped by 15B, A-fcee tan#Ie»- up and is!efcg©> u;> alqngs&ie. Mai. w.'ious it off her feet, both iand good and J A! ice beats them home but is* set hack for nsawing ?fewy,JSB, iMace aawRFlloradn time 3. ne»t Bartlafitfsets out w
B B to give them ail a snrpriaeand succeeded in going to the front and staying there Iter over a half aaile riaally giving!..*way to Alan©- who beats B. B. home about eoie-haliu'leugtn,, Mary Druse -xud Flora jast miking "«&•- la**« turn; judges-time ?«.0i.
Please allow me to say it w»- a npjjit ho»- heat and it belonged, to neither-^ til the laii moment when the wire was rc.aeh.ed. B. Bii was driven this heat Faster by second* than ever before .either iu.a race or aa woi& and-' gives a good showing Jor < Hd Bart. Alace wins first prise-.Sissy Druse second, B>B- third. All seemed pleased and* .d?" the waatherr should. remain-.good! voti can look- for some more of this fun*.
1 understand Mr. Bar tie tt weud£}like in the spring to arrange* Ibese races evasijr two .-wrecks ■ and hoys' all get together and encourage- the thing, it is good schooling for ywxr colts and. it brings btneilt to 3 on sooner or- later,. as it will bo advertised and help to s«$i your coLu and bring them before the public so they can be bought. Frank seems to please everybody and why not give him some InSie benefits- as
he is wortby,,and 1 think you. would ba&>e a hard matter to find a man be tie?-', adapted.. f«tX\\ the position.

A FRIEND IN > r ♦ Iri A -— FRIEND LNDE 0.
— . j ;" ,
Two boarding school maidens so unarming ana bright, Had gone to their rooms'to retire for the night, When as young ladies do when they slowly- undress, Each others secret feeling did freely express. Said Nelly the youngest a most lu'sci'" us young dear "I wish at this moment my Jolmny was here.
For he is a darling a deal little duck And I am most dead Tor vtjftt of a fuck."
She pulled oft' her drawers her chemise let fall, And naked like \ enas'itood fairest of all. With her sweetijawtty hubbies so boft round and White. Covered with their nipples so delicious to sight, On lu-r plump littW belly like soft drifting sndw; The hair curling round iu the valley below, TheJ$5oft mound of Venus rose plump right and left, And showed partly open its venerable cleft.
Her friend now stood naked just iu the same Stile As Nelly. Her friends name was Kate. Says Kate; "I'll play that I am a man And give ycu a fucking the best thatl can" Says Nelly: '■'I'm with you but where is your prick? Says Katie: "A candle will do for the trick,
I will put it in gently just the big end And you woiiWtuow the difference till you spend. "So lie down iu bed and close both your eyes And open the widest your beautiful thighs
But first I must blindfold you" 8W eel Kit k- said Then oh! Nelly's lover sprang from under the bed He had been hidden by Katie and was in luck- And just like Nelly half dead for u fuck.
His prick stood erect like a drum-majors stick And seemed to burst right into her quick.
Extending his hand with his light finger tips, Hctickled her cunt just within its red lips. Her bosom swelled up like the waves of the ocean, And her ass moved rapidly in upward motion He could stand it no longer not a minute could wait ' But entered at once in loves blessed state
And shoved it up quickly clean up to the blit' Loves extract supreme in her belly was split
"Oh Katie'' she says "Is it a eaule I felt That you stuck in my cunt to tickle and melt I realy believe you have played me a trick She pulled off the bandage and caught hold of his prick She did not get angry or show any pain But made it all right saying. "Puck me again? "No you don't" says Katie "you just had your turn And-I'll take him myself for my cunt it does burn." She puHed poor Johnny on top of her belly And he gave her a dose like the one he gave Nelly* Poor Johnny had got himself into a bother For they kept all night fucking one and the other And when at daylight he took his last route t Saying "Ladies good morning my prick is played out." And sprang out as he spoke from between' them in bed. Leaving their cunts all shining and red.
"Suadfly Sehwl Viuwu*

A.
A f RIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED. I
Two boarding school maid*»; so charming ami bright, had gone to their rooms to retire for the lit, when as young ladies do when tiny slowly undress, each others secret reeling did freely ex- press. Said Nelly the youugesi. a most luscious young dear "I wish-at this moment my Johnny was here, for he is a darling a dear little duck and I am most dead for want of a t'ucfcK
She pidled off her drawers her elieniiserfet fall, and naked like Venus stood fairest of all. Willi her1, sweet pretty hubbies so sol? round ami white. Covered with their nipples so delicious -,to -sight, on her plump little belly like soft .drifting snow; The hair curling round in the valley below, the soft mound of Venus rose plump right and left, and showed partly open its venerable cleft.
Her friend now stood nakedjust* in the same state, as Nelly. Her friends nartu' was Kate. Says Kate; "I'll play that I am a man and give you a f uckiug the best that I can" says Nelly: "I'm with you but where, is your prick? SaysKulic "A candle w.ill do for the trick, I will put it in gently just, ill jtojjg end jand you won't know the difference nil you spend.
"So lie down in bed and close 'both your eyes and open the widest your beautiful thighs, but first I must blindfold 3-011" swe it Katie said then Oh! j; Nelly's lover sprang from under the bed, he kad been hidden by Katie and was in luck and just like Nelly half dead for a fuck. His prick stood erect like a drum m ijors stick and seemed to burst right into her quick.
Extending his hand with his light finger tips, he tickled her cunt just within its red lips. Her bosom swelled up like the waves of the oceau, and her ass moved rapidly in upward motion he could stand it no longer not a minute could wait but entered at once in loves blessed state..'and shoved it up quickly clean up to the Mil. loves. extract supreme in her belly was split.
"Oh Katie" she says "Is it a candle I felt that- yon stuck in my cunt to tickle and melt I verly believe you have phiyed me a trick she pulled off the bandage and caught hold of his prick. she did not get angry or show any pain but made it all right saying. ''Puck me again? "No you don't" says Katie "you just liftq your turn and I'll take him myself for my cunt it does burn."
She pulled poor Johnny on top of her belly an 1 he gave her a dose like the one he gave Nelly. Poor Johnny had got himself into a bother for they kept all night fucking one and the other and when at daylight he took his last route saying *'Ladies good morning my prick is played out.'" and sprang out as he spoke from between them in bed. Leaving their cunts all shining and red.
"Swtduy gciiQQl Union."

\ The "frail sisters" of this village, havril ' got wind-of the expected arrival of seveit, beautiful young whore3 from New Yonfc whose intentions ware ta d33fcry the legre mate bu3ine33 of funking by infcrolacing ion the Watertown inarksf a smiller and mi?3 fascinating cunt than ha3 formsrly be-s seen, held a special m33ting at which severs: speeches were made and various cants eg hibited, after which the aiopfcion o* the red olution u not to be out-fucked by anyfchino that wears hair " was made unanimous ang they decided upon the following:
TARIFF... ^
V
Common old-fashion fuck, . - -v : $ 4.00
Wheelbarrow ". - - - 3.00
Tip of the McGullion, . - , - 5.'00!
French fucking, - - .#- - 3.00
Mouth " • ; - - -.■-, r 6.00
^ " " y not swallowing juice, 5.00 Rubbing on, - - -! - - 50
" " without change of hand, 1.00 •
Dog fashion with use of patent balls, 5.00

"AT LAST."
__
A gentle nun, who ne'e) bad strayed
From eOQvent walls, a tottling maid
Of three summers, they brought iliere,
Had grown to womanhood, pious and fair.
Sin' could use her needle with dainty skill.
And lo charm those hours so long and still,
she learnl with patient '"are to paint;
Ami ihe pictured face of some grand old Saint
Glanced from the canvas 'neath b.er hand^_ —
Hut weary i f these one day NhepJaauGfTT
A picture fain r than allbiwidC;
'I hat sh> u d be lrernt«sfcr-p:eco and pride.
SLe woul I i. aiiMtTev irgin Mother mild
And in her arms the Holy child.
So t"i r many days she toiled and wrought
Inspired by sweet and loving thought,
L'u il, tvhen the picture was all complete,
From I he hallowed head to the sandaled feet :
Said she, "" to the Abbess now I'll go,
Thai she some word of praise may bestow.
But she did not know Dial the sweet wee laee,
Held close to the mother's fond embrace,
No charm of baby boy-hood bore ;
It was a little woman—nothing more.
The Hi ly Abbess, seeing, smiled,
And Shin, in gentle voice. "My child.
'1 he Holy Bai-e was a man child born,
Knby anil fresh as the waking morn"
'Lift could they guess win n so young and fair
A .'Ome-time man was nestled there!"
" Ah! daughter! the first faint breath before,
And the mark still Lngers when life is o'er.
Then till me, mother, that I may know,
W hat spot or dimple or rosy glow,
VV hat curve of muscle, or sweep of limb,
\\ hen sun on the man-child marketh him?
Pray Heaven, my daughter, you may never
know What spot or dimple or rosy glow, What, wondrous shape in whicii lie drew breath Marked Ihe man-child for life or death.'' The Abbess went on her holy way, And the novice knelt in her niche to pray. But ever the thought disturbed her prayer, Truly her picture was wondrous fair, But lie mark of the man-child was minus
there As she wa.ked along the cloistered ground. Her heart, all at once, gave a sudden'hound; For there was the garde ier, strong and young. Light of heart and brisk of tongue. She would ask if on brow, or breast, or limb The mark of the man child showed on him. "Come to my room, come quick," she said, And tossing his spade on the garden bed, Toward her virgin shrine his feet he set, Where the picture leaned on the easel yet. " Is it fair?" she asked, and he answered low: ■ Tis a pretty picture, as you well know, •But it isn't the Virgin Mother of Joy, Bless your sweet heart, her babe was a boy." "• How know you!" " Why, every spalpeen
knows that," With a puzzled look, says the laughing Pat. " Then tell me, and show me, or I will say, That to my room you forced your way, And I'll make you lose your place this day." 'Twixt fun and frolic, fear and pain, With an Irishman's blood on fire in each vein, And a pretty girl asking a thing like that, " Now, what's fellow to do." says Pat. One moment he paused, then aside he drew His leathern belt and his blouse of blue. And the mark of the man-child was brought
to view; She opened wide her dark, brown eyes, And gazed with wonder and sweet surprise, On the mystical, magical, long-sought prize. Then she closed her eyes and knew no more. Hie had seen the mark the man-child bore. Long years went by and the novice strayed From the cloistered walls in the convent shade; And faired-haired daughters and brave-browed
sons Told her her work in this world was done— But the Abbess found in the dim old room A picture covered in dusk and gloom. She drew it. forth to the light of day, How well she remembered the colors gay The sweet-faced mother, the baby fair, But the mark of the man-child was there— (hie. look of horror the Abbess gave, Then a smile slipped o'er her face like a wave, And raising both hands above her head, " My God! its Pal's !" was all she said.

CIGAR LABELS.
AND HOW THEY GOT A COMMERCIAL TRAVELER INTO TROUBLE.
"The fact is, boys," remarked a well-known traveling man, "it will never do to carry a letter when you are fooling around dimity."
"Did you ever get caught ?" spoke up a man with a rent in his breeches.
"Yes. I used to call on a young lady in Hopkins- ville, and—now this must not go any further."
"By no means!" and all spoke in chorus, "Go on."
"Well, I thought considerable of the girl, and I afterwards became satisfied she was considerably 'goae' on me. Trip before last I made it a point to remain in town over night, and at about 9:30 o'clock I called at the residence, having previously sent a boy around to inform her. I was met at the door by as pretty a girl as Kentucky ever produced, and was greeted with such a pair of bright and dancing eyes as no houri ever possessed. We had hardly been seated before she began going through my pockets in a mischievous manner. I had several letters which I did not want her to see, that I had left in my sample case, knowing her curiosity and pick- pocket proclivities from former occasions. I had received a letter from the house regarding my line of goods by the late mail, and fearing nothing I put it In my pocket. She found it. I told her it was a business letter »id would not interest her."
"Did it?" inquired one of the hearers.
"Didn't it? Here's the letter."
Dear Jim : You don't seem to think enough of "Jessie." Keep her "away up," for 1 tell you she Is. straight goods. I don't go much on your "Little Pride," for even the "Lovely Lass" is far superior and you know I always thought the aforesaid "Lass" a fraud. You may also push. "My Beauty" and "My Sweet Lips." You are not doing enough with either though your continually freezing to your "Little Pride." The "Southern Belle" is taking among traveling men, but she is hardly light enough for the old-timers. Business is good at home. Chew "Bright Eyes," and then tell me what you think. Yours in haste. Harry.
"She glanced over the letter, screamed—they all scream—and then she cried—they all cry. As soon ;is she could catch her breath, with suppressed anger and disappointment, mixed in equal quantities, she addressed me, who was in entire ignorance of the cause:
" 'You base wretch! You deceiver! You pro - fessed affection for me and at the same time have a troop of female admirers, and whose affections, no doubt, you return! Your 'Jessies,' 'Little Prides' and 'Lovely Lasses!' I do not know who Harry is, nor I don't want to know, but fee must be a nice gentleman, truly, when he wants you to push his 'Beauty' aad his 'Sweet Lips.' Oh! you horrid dis- sembler. But I could stand all but the last line: 'Ohew Bright Eyes and tell me what you think.' 'Oh!'
"She flopped in the center of the parlor," contin- ued the cigar man, "and the fall aroused the family. The old lady came running in in her night clothes, and the old man had nothing on to speak of except a shotgun and a load of astonishment which changed to vengence when he saw his daughter in hysterics on the carpet. There were no two horns to the di- lemma, and I grabbed the only one and my hat at the same time, and I left the town on a midnight freight, and have not visited the place since."

A Big Brick House in Georgetown.
Johnnie came to our house, And I thought he came to see me;
But instead of tfeat the soriof-a-bitch, He eame there to deceive "me.
Chorus:—
Gone again! tu-ii-al-ling, gone again) A big brick house in Georgetown.
He caught me round the slender waist., And on the bed he threwjme;
And the darndest thing you ever did see He pulled it out and showed me.
'Twas then he entered my old gaff, Threw snot all over my liver,
He turned my shit bag upside down, And he made my small guts quiver.
It was between the hours of 12 and 1, When he began to linger, >i
Said I young man do better tti'an this, Or I'll finish it with my finger.
He got up and pissed and shit, , . Arid I got up and farted, He went away pretty well fucked, And thats the way we parted.

THE RULES OF THIS HOTEL.
--------—
Whetting on the premises is strictly for- bidden as we have just secured a lot of suction-canted chambermaids who will be furnished guests for $2.50 per night.
"When poodle-dogs are furnished to lap your balls during the operation an extra charge of fifty cents will be made.
No screwing in the house except by the Bdss or by his permission.
Any person having crabs or othejr vermin will please vacate the house as if* has all the bugs it can contend with.
No Fucking after 12 p. m.
Shitting in bed or on the floor is strictly forbidden.
Guests taken short in the night will do us a great favor by shitting in their boots.
Ladies' and Gents'afflicted with the clap will announce it on the Hotel register and leave their Photograph in the office.
As this is a temperate house g&eists are requested to piss in the water pitcher as it saves calling for cocktails in the morn- ing.
Farting in sleep above a whisper is forbidden.
Ladies' arc requested not to leave bouquets on the sheets as the chaimber- maids are well supplied with flowers. ^
"Sunday School Uaiott.,,

AN J3XPERIKM KIV Li.TTElt,
Klondike City, K., March id, 1899. My Dear Teacher:—
When we p.irfced on grajn.it ion day tlii promise we nude at that time has nt-ver had au opportunity of fulfilling nniil lately. Mary !,< uts hgs been vis. t'ng here foi seme tine O ■! m\ deir i < iii'iii-r 1 shall never forget the glorious times we used to Lave when we t trapped that old dildoe around you and yon made ns feel that life still contained a little pleasure. Hew I used to scream wiib delight as I felt the hot milk penetrate into tuy inermost null and imagine that nothing could be better. But now I know belter. , The days of probation have passed and I have been felt ami fumbled all over. Last week I bad a garden par'y. and my esteemed cousin » Harry attended, stopping at my father's house oil night. Wary and 1 retired to the privacy of our bordoir.
I was undressing and Mary was lying on the bed nearly staik naked when theie came a knock at the. door, and thinking it was my maid, I said, come in. Imagine my surprise wi.en my cousin llarjy wa ked in. My bosom was bar*?, and my shaves wi r- ex- posed loliis view. Mary was lying on the bid tickling her tulip. The blood rushed to Hairy's face and I saw a sudden expression in the vicinity of his pocket book. With an Ob! Oh! darling he grasped me around the waist and commenced to fondle me in a very uugentlemanly manner, and rained hot kisses upon my lips and bosom. 1 could feel bis bands fondling my mos -coverciI re- treat, and 1 remarked oh! oh! Horry darling. Tue l'riciim caused by his fingers coming in contact with my ml v retreat was more than flesh and blood could stand and" as I fell ihe glorious sensa- tion crawling down my spimd coulum and ending in a glorious gush I Hung my arms around h.s neck and rained hot kissts of love upon Lis handsome face.
Gaining Marys consent I invited Harry to spend the night wtih us. There was a door leading fioru his room into mine wh ch was locked, but love has laughed at lock-smiths and we soon had it open. Harry retired to his room to prepare for tlie tray. He s"Ojj returned with his Alexander stiff and rampant as a war horse that smelt battle from afar. Bushing into the room lie cumin mearouud the waist and pressed his form closely to miue, I tinne my arms around his neck and twined my legs around his. and placing his . hands under my ass he probed my moss-covered bud.
Holding me in this manner he ran all around the room. Oh! my dear teaoifer experience can only tell the loving pleasure ami the soul stirring delights of that moment. Harry began to grow dizzy and we sat down.on the bed locked into each othets arms while he drove his war horse into my conservatory. Ob! H irry dearest I exclaimed as T felt his copious discharge penetrate in my wombs nest iu a perfect deluge drawn from his efforts iu the bliss ot the moment.
I fainted, on recovering senses I look Harry's darling in hand aud carressed it, and 1 could feel the jewel expand and stiffen under my soft carresses until it was ready again to storm the foil. It was now Mary's turn to pai take of the blissful delights of the uusopbislica'edlove. Maiy sat on the edge of tne bed and Hany caught her by the feet aud swinging both her legs on his shoulder while I took hold of the rudder and steered it in a place of safety. 1 sat ou the floor aud held the mirrowso tint Mary could seethe lovely serpent gliding in and out of her.
At the same time I was having a social rob with the stopper of my cologne bottle. As Harry inctoased his spead I increased my motion; nn4 the excitement eaused.mc to tpend unexpectedly, aud, I dropped the mirror and caugttt Hhiiy ly the balls. Hany jumped, drew out his ebenztr in ttfjKe to deposite a pint of luxery on Mary's snow while telly. She was in a dead faint, actually iu- toxicated with pleasure. On recovering she soundly scolded him for throwing his charge away, as ft, is as good as epi udirg twice as to have him spend'jn her once. Marry pioj csed lo go it dov.b e >o be laid on the bed and be mounted her while 1 laid along side with my feet to her head. Harry took my ass In one hand and epmiug my tuign ran his tongue into my slit and'suckid like an infant. wh'le I tickled his balls with a'hair pin. Oh, oh, oh, exclaimed Mary as she felt the hot fiery 11 did or Tumid of leva as it ran in spasmodic tqtrrts into her tulip while'l ejected a lovers sperm over . Harry's mustache. We then tired out mid turned iu with Hairy's fidger in our slits and went so sleep.
Hut the next fine 1 write I will tell you more as Mary and Harry have promised me a back studdle tomorrow nigl t. 1 little thought that when you and I did it by art ilical means that nature had the best remedy for the disease. Hopug that you have en- joyed like privileges, I remain, Your loving
MA ISLE.

'Letter Written by a Young Lads^f Vassab Com,eoe to Hbk Fhiekd.
Rochester, N. Y., Jan. 12, 1893 My Dear Emma: —
I a'most regret I promised yon I would write you the morning af- ter my marriagi',my first night's exper- ience (.f married life, hut I know if you had been married first yon would have fulfilled your promise to the letter; but it is tun most difficult task I ever uu-i -
dertook, and especially at this time, tVVel1 E,mma *bt! exwt' when my whole beiug is still treuib ing and throbbing from the effects of last night's ordeal.
A few minutes after you bade us good-night we repaired to the depot iu New York,and soon sped along at a rap- id rate to Albany, where soon after our arrival Auua Blakely became Anua Armstrong. It was our intention to stay at Albauy over night, but the ho- tels were crowded and we come on to Rochester and secured rooms at the
Os
faus«
rv oiie Aud
wher ur riae n
1 run
ism
at present
rrr,
of e\
brid
one'
and
whs a re.ilicii
me—mere lu
passed v<-ry >
o'clock, al tei
suggested, a-
alter the loug r ide.
Harry a^rVitHpuuleu
poke pi .inly you ar
heu I saw a suiil
ou any-
'face 1- fancied it said you are yet untouched bride; of course this
s fancy
.1 nation
that possessed
The evening
iwly away aud about 9
i bear .d repast, Hairy
1 was .somewhat weary
i better retire.
e to uur room
contact with his "great thing" and there must have been somethiug magnetic about it, for my hind not ouiy remained on it but I pressed it wauily, aud longed for it wittnn me.
You remember dear Emma wo used to talk auout sucti thiugs aud how exeit.-d we became, aud how We would hog and kiss each other and wish, aud play it was a man we were hugeiug. ..,Mlt of those moments were tame.aud-OOTH com|>ared with mine lust night, as flurry a mau in deed and truth pressed his naked form, glo.vlug wiili warmth against iny • wn;it v\asa deleriiuJHRcitemeiitjboth of ns were excifedjjjrjjrw' and Idid not tliiuk of making any resistance wlieu he placed himself ou top of me, but my legs and arms were op. ned instantly aud joy- fully to receive him, it was beyond my power to control them. Oh, Emma! how X trembled with passion aud desire as I felt I he ^Tailing of my life in luy^ V^.'ify''"'".. ' "' Y"' i.""''*'^ tof-sutisl, my" Tlons;iug.
Reaching siown his hand he inserted tile end of the "inonsterous thing" iu to my '"orifice." it could not have penetrated more than an inch at first,
lie.. and wnh tit try foui -cisses aud cares- ses .saiii lie would go) lowu for- an hours s; i' o k,_.
Oh,-Emma! what feelings swept over* me, wlieu alone, to think that in oue Short hour f. should be iu bed with a man, and submit myself to his caresses ami have all the fancies of youth a reality, of my wandering-put to an end regarding the marriage bed, aud I be- cause more anxious as. I thought 1 shoii d Soou taste the sweets we so often talked abyut at the Hid seminary. miiit have been unusually long undress ing in Harry bad cut his hour short
-^aMi'-lj"-' .■-..,.;.■...... u'.v eii_drdre
and^^moved m. drawers when 1 heard his familiar footsteps in the ball. hastily jumped into bed, aud when I entefed 1 eudeavored to appear as in concerned aud composed as though it were you coming to bed. Harry locked the-door aud removing hut coat, vest and shoes sat ou th i bedside a few moments and ciressjd me aud called me h own, his darling, aud mauy -/li!--- .-Jattortug names Finally he rose «'i ' tujHied off the gas he removed his eY.V"i- Hud placed himself beside ma in 11ji- be I. i'Ue sensation of that moment ElfMna no woman feels but ouce in her life.
As he warmly ela.-pe.l.iue iu his arms' and sealed my lips "iih.ltis, after kiss, aud pressed m« iJodjj against his own, my heart seemed .',o leap luto my throat at eaeU pu sat.iou. f was buruiug with passion aud throwing my arms arouVid the dear one, I rapturousy pressed him to my bosom. Soon he reach id down aud drew up my night dress it the same time pllltiug one of
b foie Harry was awaio ihitithurt con- siderable, that part not being used to such guests.
Consequently his entrance was a forced one, but I did not Complain for 1 wanted it and was determined to suf- fer all pains that 1 might get all the bliss.
As he bore harder aud harder he saw 5t pained me, aud lie ceased awhile for 'me to resr, ouly lu renew his efforts.
At length alter several futile attempts
he succeeded in plantiug tlie whole of
it iu me. Oh, Emma! how I wished
that his whole body was in me. After
he had it lirmly planted within mo be
stopped for a lew moments for me to
Nrecover. Then he began to move it
J, (slowly backward and forward—if 1
had suffered at first n. little, the iutense
apture, the thrilling joy, the lntoxiea-
lon of my feelings than, made me
' -;ntaiT—■—**■
Oh, Emma! never did 1 dream such
n.-Jor-
meld uiug, iucoxicutiug feeling, tjliat overwhelmed me completely. Am! as he pr/essed me closer land closer I could feel his "great thing" palpitatiug agaiust my thigh
He moved his hand higher aud higher, until he toyed with the hair ab nit my "monkey." Just then he inserted his finger into my "orifice."
Emma I thought 1 should expire, my blood seemed to boil as it coursed
blissful sensations, s cb sold eutrauo- ling delight, was in store for me. A 'floorI of joy tilled my whole being when 1 felt my darling in me, fully aud completely. Every moment seemed to deepen my delight, it was the joy of a thousand lives, and it makes my pulses quicken as I write it- Soon my darling's movemeut be- came quicker aud mine kept, pac ' itli his. Deeper and uiore iuleuse became the sensations of pleasure, an., r,.
rapidly did he sneaih his "monstrous organ" iu my body. Quicker and shorter became his breathing and wild- ly, madly did I pi ess him to my heart; m id y I clung to. him till a warm "emission" from him meetiug oue 'from me brought a moment of rapture so overpowering' that 1 became insensi- ble, 1 awoke with a keeu sense of the delight I had enjoyed and as I found Harry's arms around me, 1 knew it was no dream, bur. a blissful reality.
L.i.s,.V,s. between 'Ul.i.e; this brought our Over and over We r«|
n-.kudp^o"u*TeT"ih "cdhfacl, caasiirg^*pr^eul'-l"'^gli^ne~ui
very being
through my veinj, and my seemed ablaze with passion.
My arms aud legs .1 threw around him and I pressed his dear form with a vice-Lke .-uiliiaee aud kissed him with a closeness that must have plainly told him of my longing to have my pasaiouate desire fulfilled, which had never been aroused to such an extent before. Accideiitly my hand came in
, t, and it nils me with delight to* know such jovs are in store for mi* through life.
I have tried to give you an idea of last nights's enjoyment, but it is im- possible for me to portray a single idea that is near the reality, eqieeiully while laboring under the longing for it, that I am at this moment. God grant you a Speedy introduction to ihe state* of matrimony, aud may it prove as skillful as mine.
Don't mwry a man too old, nor yet
an nufledged stripling, but a man in
wildiv>htha lul1 vigor of manhood, thit he may
be able to minister to you as Harry does
lo ine.
Hoping this incite to my first night's experience will satisfy your ambitious ideas, I will close, with much love.
Your chum, Anna,

LOVELY SADIE.
(Tune—Ta-ra-ra Boom-ta-ree.>
Sadie is a lovely girl.
Sadie is a charming girl.
The hair on her cunt has a graceful curl,
The finest pussy in all the world. ,
To answer this question do not frown,
Remember Sadie is on the town;
'Tis said by some she will go down.
But what makes Sadie's asshole brown? Shit.
Ta-ra-ra Boom-ta-ree.
Sadie is known the whole world over, She's crammed our great and only Grover, He hit her so much, to tell the truth, It's a wonder she ain't the father of Ruth. She crammed Jim Blaine, I don't know when, She took a fall with Grandpa Ben. On cramming Sadie has the call, She's fucked every man in Tammany Hall, Ta-ra-ra Boom-ta-ree-
For breach of promise she was sued, For biting the prick off the Skeleton Dude. To cram Dr. Talmage once she tried, &he crammed Ben Tf&tler till he got cross-eyed. She'd cram a nigger, she'd cram a Guinea, She raised her price on Bill McKinley. With the Siamese Twins she had no bother, While fucking one she sucked the other, Ta-ra-ra Boom-ta-ree.
She once fucked a man till he dropped dead, She fucked all tho hair off Dave Hill's head. She gave Inspector Byrnes such a rub, His prick got limber so lie used his club. She crammed all the actor's on Union Square, She^fucked Hugh Grant in the mayor's chair. She fucked Boss Piatt till he lost his power, And she's laying for a whack at R. P. Flower. Ta-ra-ra Boom-ta-ree.
The doctor's wondered at Sadie's pluck, They paid high prices to get a fuck. She charged them $20 at that, To let them see the size of her "pratt." Th; were very much surprised,
At the hole in her belly's enormous size. Her slit was as long (this is no fable), Ad the crack in the middle of the Broad'w'y cable Ta-ra-ra Boom-ta-ree.

A Blooming Bloomer Girl.
She was a new woman
"None more so you'd see, No matter wherever you'd go;
She was manish and bold
As ever could be, Needing neither protection*nor beaux.
But her bloomers were flounced
And beribboned so gay, That they mixed up the opposite genders;
And how she retained them
We never could say, Though it may have been with suspenders*
Her shirt waist was polished
And stiff as a board While her collar loomed up ear-high;
And though very poor we
Could yet well afford, To bet she wore her brother's tie.
She rode on her wheel
With a calm stately grace, And an air of strong self-reliance;
Then a frost would o'erspread
Her classical face As at chappies she hurled grim defiance.
In the home of this maid
Her muscular hands, Ne'er stooped to the drudge of housework j
Yet she'd pedal her wheel
O'er gravel and sands, " And a century run never Shirk.
She could pull a good oar
And quite lustily swim, Or closing her eyes, shoot first rate;
She could throw a stone
With considerable vim, But to save her it would'nt go straight.
She was a high roller
And smoked cigarettes, Always aping stern man, ia his humors.
She once scratched a match
Just to win a few bets, On the slack of her full blooming bloomers.
Her mother was bent
'Neath years of hard toil, While she was queen of the house;
Her nature was brave
Wicked man she would foil, Still she'd faint at the sight of a mouse.
John J. Joyce.

22A, 30a. 8 Point De Vinne.
WHEN DAYLIGHT DIES.
When daylight dies and all the stars Are rising fti the sky,
I put all cares aside, my love,
And off to thee I fly; For oh, unto the drooping flowers
No sweeter is the dew, Than unto me thy winning smile,
And thy dear eyes of blue.

EXQUISITE SCOTCH BALLAD.
Her brow is like the snow-drift, Her throat is like the swan, Her face it is the fairest That e'er the sun shone on; And dark blue is her eye,
And for Bonnie Annie Laurie, I'd lay me down and die.

CIVIL SERVICE REFORM.
The following are some of the reasons why females are not desirable applicants
for the position of Mail Carriers.
1—Because ladies carry no baggs.
2—They are liable to miss-carriage.
3—They do not lock their boxes,
4—They take from seven to nine months to deliver their mail.
5—They are liable to create hard feeling by handling mail bags,
6—They are liable to get mail matter in female drawers
7—No more splits are required in this.
town as the girls don't wear pants.

M@w to parse the. vvord Kiss.
I A
Jm■:■■■
1
Kiss in a noun both common and proper.
- ;It is a pronoun because she stands for it. It is a conjunction because it connects. Jt is a preposition because.shows that £he persons kissedjare no relatiojf. It is an inter- jection at least it sounds like oiijk. It can be limited or unlimited, it is Usually, un- limited. It should be plural every time. It is an active verb and every kiss is com- plete. ii ;: r\ posessive case^or it1 can be
-?^iven 3? \ 'iVfid It is also inehe tiiip- tickle Jkse. >i is in the neuter gender. It is the 'Second or middle person, usually, with a person at each end. It is positive- ly sup.eri alive and not to be compared. It can take a;i object, but t«Keobject is some- times taken by, it. It is in the indicative mode, it indicates that the,person*^ kissing lfke to kiss, and are expressing their af- fection for eachvjbther. It should and ought to be emphasized. Rule-It should be continued as lon£ a&possible and end- ed with a sigh. * '. j a
|