The Pearl #2

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THE PEARL,
A Journal of Facetiæ and Voluptuous Reading.

No. 2. PUBLISHED MONTHLY. Aug. 1879

SUB-UMBRA, OR SPORT AMONG
THE SHE-NOODLES.

(Continued.)

Annie was ready to faint as she screamed, "Walter! Walter! Save me from the horrid beast!" I comforted and reassured her as well as I was able, and seeing that we were on the safe side of the gate, a few loving kisses soon set her all right. We continued our walk, and soon spying out a favourable shady spot, I said: "Come, Annie dear, let us sit down and recover from the startling interruption; I am sure, dear, you must still feel very agitated, besides I must get you now to compensate me for (he rude disappointment."

She seemed to know that her hour had come; the hot blushes swept in crimson waves across her lovely face, as she cast down her eyes, and permitted me to draw her down by my side on a mossy knoll, and we lay side by side, my lips glued to hers in a most ardent embrace.

"Annie! Oh! Annie!" I gasped, "Give me the tip of your tongue, love." She tipped me the velvet without the slightest hesitation, drawing, at the same time, what seemed a deep sigh of delightful anticipation as she yielded to my slightest wish. I had one arm under her head, and with the other I gently removed her hat, and threw aside my own golgotha, kissing and sucking at her delicious tongue all the while. Then I placed one of her hands on my ready cock, which was in a bursting state, saying, as I released her tongue for a moment: "There, Annie, take the dart of love in your hand." She grasped it nervously, as she softly murmured: "Oh, Walter, I'm so afraid; and yet—oh yet, dearest, I feel, I die, I must taste the sweets of love, this forbidden fruit," her voice sinking almost to a whisper, as she pressed and passed

JANE.—"So I did, but forgot all about it in the delight I
had in seeing Jemima well cut up. Oh, she did just catch it,
I can tell you; but she's as strong and hard as leather." ]

ROSA.—"So I could forget and forgive too, if I could but
cut you all up well. I've got a good mind to begin with you,
Jane, when I don't feel quite so sore."

JANE.—"Ah! But I know you hate Jemima, and would
rather see her triced up to the horse. Perhaps we shall be able
to get her into a scrape between us, if we put our heads to-
gether."

ROSA.—"Oh! I you sly girl. Don't you think I'll let you off,
much as I long to repay the others. Just wait till I feel well
enough, and I'll settle you first. There will be plenty of op-
portunities, as you are to sleep with me in my room every
night. I haven't forgotten how you persuaded me to dress for
dinner, when you knew, all the time, what was coming."

JANE.—"Dear Miss Rosie, I couldn't help it. Mrs. Mansell
sent me up to dress you. The old General put it off till after
dinner, as he likes to see the culprits dressed as nicely as pos-
sible. If he punished any of us, we have to attend punishment
drill in our very best clothes, and if they get damaged, Mrs.
Mansell soon fits us out again, so we don't lose much by a
good birching. I have known Jemima to get into trouble so as
to damage her things, but Sir Eyre made her smart well for
them."

I was very sore for several days, but managed to make and
secrete a fine bunch of twigs, ready for Miss Jane when she
would little expect it? in fact, she did not know I had been
into the garden or out of the house. Of course she was a
much stronger and bigger girl than myself, so I should have
to secure her by some stratagem. I let her think I had quite
forgotten my threat, but one evening, just as we were both
undressed for bed, I said, "Jane, did Mrs. Mansell or Jemima
ever birch you without grandfather knowing it?"

JANE.—"Yes, dear Miss Rosie, they've served me out
shamefully, more than once."

ROSA.—"How did they manage that?"

JANE.—"Why, I was tied by my hands to the foot of the
bedstead."

ROSA.—"Oh! Do show me, and let me tie you up to see
how it all looked."

JANE.—"Very well; if it's any pleasure to you, Miss."

ROSA.—"What shall I tie you up with? You're as strong as
Samson."

JANE.—"A couple of handkerchiefs will do, and there's a
small comforter to tie my legs."

By her directions I soon had her hands tied to the two
knobs at the foot of the bed, and her feet stretched out a
little behind were secured to the legs of. the table.

"Oh! My!" said Jane. "You have fixed me tight. What did
you tie so hard for? I can't get away till you release me."

"Stay! Stay!" I cried. "I must see you quite prepared now
you are properly fixed up"; and I quickly turned up her night-
dress and secured it well above her waist, so as to expose her
plump bottom and delicately mossed front to my astonished
gaze.

"Oh! What a beauty you are, Jane," said I, kissing her,
"and you know I love you, but your naughty little bum-be-
dee must be punished. It is a painful duty, but Ml let you see
it's no joke, Miss. Look, what a fine swishtail I've got," pro-
ducing my rod.

"Mercy! Mercy!" cried Jane. "Dear Miss Rosie, you won't
beat me; I've always been so kind to you!"

"It won't do, Jane, I must do my duty. You were one of
the lot against me, and the first I can catch. It may be years
before I can pay off the others."

The sight of her beautiful posteriors filled me with a gloat-
ing desire to exercise my skill upon them, and see a little of
what I had to feel myself. Nervously grasping my birch, with-
out further delay, I commenced the assault by some sharp
strokes, each blow deepening the rosy tints to a deeper red.

"Ah! Ah! What a shame. You're as bad as the old Gen-
eral, you little witch, to take me so by surprise."

"You don't seem at all sorry, Miss," I cried; "but I'll try
and bring down your impudence; in fact, I begin to think you
are one of the worst of them, and only acted the hypocrite,
with your pretended compassion, when you were, in reality, it
all the time. But it's my turn now. Of course, you were too
strong for me, unless I had trapped you so nicely. How do
you like it, Miss Jane?" All this time I kept on, whisk, whisk,
whisk, in quick succession, till her bottom began to look quite
interesting.

"You little wretch! You vixen!" gasped Jane. "Your grand-
father shall hear of this."

"That's your game, is it, Miss Tell-tale. At any rate, you'll
be well paid first;" I replied. The sight of her buttocks only

seemed to add to my energy, and it was quite a thrill of
pleasure when I first saw the blood come. She writhed and
wriggled with suppressed sighs and ahs, but each time she
gave utterance to any expression, it seemed only for the pur-
pose of irritating me more and more. My excitement became
intense, the cruel havoc seemed to be an immense satisfaction
to me, and her bottom really was in deplorable state through
my inconsiderate fury. At last, quite worn put and fatigued,
I could hold the rod no longer, and my passion melted into
love and pity, as I saw her in an apparently listless and faint-
ing condition, with drooping head, eyes closed, and hands
clenched.

The worn-out birch was dropped, and kissing her tenderly,
I sobbed out, "Jane, dear, Jane, I both love and forgive you
now, and you will find me as tender to you as you were to me
after my flogging."

Her hands and feet were soon released, when to my aston-
ishment, she threw her arms round my neck as with sparkling
eyes and a luscious kiss she said softly, "And forgive you too,
Miss Rosie, for you don't know what pleasure you have given
me, the last few moments have been bliss indeed."

This was all a puzzle to me at the time, but I understood
it well enough afterwards. She made quite light of her bruised
bottom, saying, "What was awful to you was nothing to me, .
Miss Rosie, I am so much older and tougher; besides, the
first time is always the worst; it was too bad of Sir Eyre to cut
you up as he did, but your obstinacy made him forget him-
self; you'll grow to like it as I do."

This and much more in the same strain passed as we
bathed and soothed the irritated parts, and we finally fell
asleep with a promise from me to let her give me a pleasant
lesson in a day or two.

Things went on smoothly for a few days, my punishment
had been too severe for me to lightly dare a second engage-
ment with the General; still I burned for a chance to avenge
myself on anyone but Jane, who was now my bosom friend.
We discussed all sorts of schemes for getting anyone but our-
selves into trouble, but to no purpose. The old gentleman
often cautioned me to take care, as the next time he should
not fail to make me cry, "Peccavi."

One fine afternoon, however, being in the garden with the
housekeeper, I remarked to her, "What a pity it was grand-

father let the nectarines hang and spoil, and no one allowed
to taste them."

"My dear," said Mrs. Mansell, "if you take two or three
he'll never miss them, only you must not tell that I said so,
it's a shame to let them rot."

"But, Mrs. Mansell, that would be stealing," I replied.

"When nothing's lost nothing can have been stolen; it's
only a false sense of honesty, and you, the little mistress of
the house," she urged.

"Well, you are the serpent, and I'm Eve, I suppose; they
really do look delicious, and you won't tell, will you?" I asked
in my simplicity; so the fruit was plucked, and Mrs. Mansell
helped to eat it, which put me quite at my ease.

Just before dinner next day we were surprised by the Gen-
eral calling us all into his sitting-room, "How's this, Mrs.
Mansell?" he said, looking fearfully angry. "I can't leave my
keys in the lock of that cabinet without someone tasting my
ram; I've long known there was a sly sipping thief about, so
I have been sly too. Finding it was the rum that was most
approved, the last time the decanter was filled I put a little
scratch with my diamond ring, to mark the height of the
liquor in the bottle, and have only used the brandy for my-
self. Look! whoever it is has got through nearly a pint in
three or four days. Come here, Rosa, now Mrs. Mansell, and
now Jemima," said he, sternly, smelling the breath of each in
turn.

"Woman," he said, as she faltered and hesitated to un-
dergo this ordeal, "I don't think you were a sneaking thief, if
you really wanted a little spirit, Mrs. Mansell would have let
you have it, I dare say, as you have been with us some years,
and we don't like change, but you shall be cured of thieving
to-morrow; you should have been well thrashed at once, but
we have a friend to dinner this evening, it will do you good
to wait and think of what's coming. Be off, now, and mind
the dinner's served up properly or you'll catch it in Indian
style to-morrow, and be a curried chicken if ever you were."

Our visitor was an old fox-hunting colonel, our nearest
neighbour, and my spirits were so elated at the prospect of
Jemima's punishment that it seemed to me the pleasantest
evening I had ever spent in that house.

All next day grandfather spent looking over the garden, and
a presentiment came over me that the nectarines would be

missed; if he had been so cunning in one thing, he might
be in another.

My fears were only too well founded, for catching sight of
me with the housekeeper, cutting a nosegay for the criminal's
wear, he said, "Mrs. Mansell, you had better make another
bouquet whilst you are about it, someone has been at the
nectarines; do you know anything about it, Rosa?"

"Oh! Grandfather, you know I was strictly forbidden to
touch the fruit," said I, as innocently as possible.

"Mrs. Mansell, do you know anything of it, as she won't,
give a direct answer," said he, eyeing me sternly.

I was covered with confusion, and to make it worse, Mrs.
Mansell with affected reluctance to tell an untruth, confessed
the whole affair.

"Pon my word, a nice honest lot you all are, as I dare say
Jane is like the rest; Mrs. Mansell, I'm astonished at you, and
I think your punishment will be enough, when you consider
how seriously I look upon such things, but as to that girl
Rosa, prevarication is worse than a lie, such cunning in one
so young is frightful, but we'll settle Jemima first, and then
think of what's to be done."

Left in this state of uncertainty, I fled to Jane for consola-
tion, who assured me it was a good thing Jemima stood first,
as the old man would get exhausted, and perhaps let me off
lightly, if I screamed and begged for mercy.

Thus encouraged, I managed to eat a good dinner, and
took an extra glass of wine on the sly (I was only supposed to
take one), Thus fortified I marched to the punishment drill
with great confidence, especially as I so wished to see Jemima
well thrashed.

When first I set eyes upon her, as she curtseyed to the
General, who was seated in the chair, rod in hand, her ap-
pearance struck me with admiration; rather above medium
height, dark auburn hair, fresh colour, and sparkling blue
eyes, low cut dark blue silk dress, almost revealing the
splendours of her full rounded bosom, the large nosegay fixed
rather on one side under her dimpled chin, pink satin high-
heeled shoes, with silver buckles; she had short sleeves, but
fawn-coloured gloves of kid, and a delicate net, covering her
arms to the elbows, took off all coarseness of her red skin or
hands.

"Prepare her at once," said the General, "she knows too

well all I would say. Here, Rosie, hand me down that big
bunch of birch, this little one is no use for her fat rump.
Ha! ha! this is better," said he, whisking it about.

Jane and the housekeeper had already stripped off the blue
silk, and were proceeding to remove the underskirts of white
linen, trimmed with broad lace; the bouquet had fallen to the
floor, and presently the submissive victim stood with only
chemise and drawers. What a glimpse I had of her splendid
white neck and bosom, what deliciously full and. rounded legs,
with pink silk stockings and handsome garters (for the Gen-
eral was very strict as to the costume of his penitents).

I assisted to tie her up, and unfastening her drawers, Jane
drew them well down, whilst Mrs. Mansell pinned up her
chemise, fully exposing the broad expanse of her glorious but-
tocks, the brilliant whiteness of her skin showing to perfec-
tion by the dazzling glare of the well-lighted room. I gave
her two or three smart pats of approval just to let her know
I hadn't forgotten the slap she gave me, then drew aside to
make way for Sir Eyre.

My thoughts were so entirely absorbed by the fascinating
spectacle that I lost all remembrance of my own impending
turn. Whack! came the big birch, with a force to have made
her jump out of her skin, if possible, but only a stifled,
"Ah—r—r—re!" and a broad, red mark were the results; the
blood mounted to her face, and she seemed to hold her
breath for each blow as it came, but the rod was so heavy,
and the old General so vigorous, that in less than a dozen
strokes her fair bottom was smeared with blood and bits of
birch were lying in all directions. "Ah! Ah!! Oh!!!" she
screamed, "do have mercy, sir, I can't stand it. Oh! oh! in-
deed I can't."

"You sly thief, don't think I'll let you off before you're
dead; if I don't cure you now I shall lose a good servant," ex-
claimed Sir Eyre, cutting away.

My blood boiled with excitement of a most pleasurable
kind, young as I was, and cruel as I knew it to be, no pity for
the victim entered my breast; it is a sensation only to be
experienced by real lovers of the rod.

"You like rum, do you, Miss?" said the General. "Did you
take it raw or mixed? I'll make your bottom raw."

The poor old man was obliged now to sit down for want of
breath, Mrs. Mansell, understanding his wishes, at once took

his place with a fresh birch, without giving the victim any
respite.

"She must, indeed, be well punished, sir. I'm sure they're
never denied anything so long as they behave themselves,"
said she, with a stern relentless face; in fact, after a stroke or
two, her light-brown hair was all in disorder from the exer-
tion, and her dashing hazel eyes, and well-turned figure, made
me think her a goddess of vengeance. "Will you? Will you
do so again? You ungrateful thief," she kept on saying, with
a blow to each question.

Poor Jemima moaned, sobbed, and sometimes cried out for
mercy, whilst the blood fairly trickled down her thighs, but
the housekeeper seemed to hear nothing and Sir Evre was in
an ecstasy of gloating delight. This could not last long, how-
ever strong the victim might be. Becoming exhausted, with
her accumulated sensations, she at last fairly fainted, and we
had to dash cold water over her face to recover her; then
covered with a cloak, she was led off to her room, and left to
herself.

"Now, Rosa," said the General, holding out a light green
bunch of fresh birch, "kiss the rod, and get ready for your
turn."

Hardly knowing what I was about, I inclined my head and
gave the required kiss, Mrs. Mansell and Jane had me pre-
pared in no time, as I was quite passive; and as soon as I was
fairly exposed and spread-eagled on the horse, the old Gen-
eral rose to his task.

"You have seen how severe I can be, by Jemima's punish-
ment," said he; "but, perhaps, you did not think your answer
to me yesterday was any offense, and I am almost inclined to

forgive you, but remember in future, if you get off lightly this
time, a plain lie is better than prevarication. I think the last
flogging must have done you great good, your conduct is
quite different to-night. But now, remember—remember—
remember!" he cried again, giving sharp, cutting strokes at
each word. My poor bottom tingled with agony, and I cried
loudly for mercy, promising to be strictly truthful in future;
so, after about twenty strokes, he said: "You may go this
time," finishing me off with a tremendous remembrance,
which made me fairly shake with the concussion, and was the
only blow which actually drew the blood, although I had

some fine tender weals. This must finish my second letter.
Believe me my true-bom child of the rod,

Your loving friend,

ROSA BELINDA COOTE.

(To be continued.)

LADY POKINGHAM, OR THEY ALL DO IT;

Giving an Account of her Luxurious Adventures, both before
and after her Marriage with Lord Crim-Con.

PART I.

(Continued.)

William felt ready to drop; the perspiration stood on his
brow in great drops, but his lips refused to speak, and Alice
continued in a soft whisper: "I saw it all this morning, Willie
dear, and what joy that great red-head thing of yours seemed
to give her. You must let me into the secret, and I will never
tell. This is the monster you shoved into her so furiously. I
must look at it and feel it; how hard it has got under my
touch. La! What a funny thing! I can get it out as Lucy
did," pulling open his trousers and letting out the rampant
engine of love. She kissed its red velvety head, saying: "What
a sweet, soft thing to touch. Oh! I must caress it a little."
Her touches were like fire to his senses; speechless with rap-
ture and surprise, he silently submitted to the freak of the
wilful girl, but his novel position was so exciting, he could
not restrain himself, but the sperm boiled up from his penis
all over her hands and face.

"Ah!" she exclaimed. "That's just what I saw it do yester-
day morning. Does it do that inside of Lucy?"

Here William recovered himself a little, and wiping her
face and hands with his handkerchief, put away the rude
plaything, saying, "Oh! My God! I'm lost! What have you
done, Alice? It's awful! Never mention it again. I mustn't
walk out with you any more."

Alice burst into sobs.

"Oh! Oh! Willie! How unkind! Do you think I will tell?
Only I must share the pleasure with Lucy. Oh! Kiss me as
you did her, and we won't say any more about it to-day."

William loved the little girl too well to refuse such a de-
lightful task, but he contented himself with a very short suck
at her virgin cunny, lest his erotic passion should urge him to
outrage her at once.

"How nice to feel your lovely tongue there. How beauti-
fully it tickled and warmed me all over; but you were so
quick, and left off just as it seemed nicer than ever, dear

Willie," said Alice, embracing and kissing him with ardour,

"Gently, darling; you mustn't be so impulsive; it's a very
dangerous game for one so young. You must be careful how
you look at me, or notice me, before others," said Mr.
William, returning her kisses, and feeling himself already
quite unable to withstand the temptation of such a delicious
liaison.

"Ah!" said Alice, with extraordinary perception for one so
young. "You fear Lucy. Our best plan is to take her into our ,
confidence. I will get rid of my lady's-maid, I never did like
her, and will ask mama to give Lucy the place. Won't that
be fine, dear? We shall be quite safe in all our little games
then."

The butler, now more collected in his ideas, and with a
cooler brain, could not but admire the wisdom of this ar-
rangement, so he assented to the plan, and he took the boat
put for a row to cool their heated blood, and quiet the im-
pulsive throbbings of a pair of fluttering hearts.

The next two or three days were wet and unfavourable for
outdoor excursions, and Alice took advantage of this interval
to induce her mother to change her lady's-maid, and install
Lucy in the situation.

Alice's attendant slept in a little chamber, which had two
doors, one opening into the corridor, whilst the other allowed
free and direct access to her little mistress's apartment, which
it adjoined.

The very first night Lucy retired to rest in her new room,
she had scarcely been half-an-hour in bed (where she lay, re-
flecting on the change, and wondering how she would now be
able to enjoy the butler's company occasionally), before Alice
called out for her. In a moment she was at the young lady's
bedside, saying: "What can I do, Miss Alice, are you not
warm enough? These damp nights are so chilly."

"Yes, Lucy," said Alice, "that must be what it is. I feel
cold and restless. Would you mind getting in bed with me?
You will soon make me warm."

Lucy jumped in, and Alice nestled close up to her bosom,
as if for warmth, but in reality to feel the outlines of her
beautiful figure.

"Kiss me, Lucy," she said; "I know I shall like you so
much better than Mary. I couldn't bear her." This was lov-
ingly responded to, and Alice continued, as she pressed her

hand on the bosom of her bedfellow, "What large titties you
have, Lucy. Let me feel them. Open your nightdress, so I can
lay my face against them."

The new femme de chambre was naturally of a warm and
loving disposition; she admitted all the familiarities of her
young mistress, whose hands began to wander in a most
searching manner about her person, feeling the soft, firm skin
of her bosom, belly, and bottom; the touches of Alice seemed
to fire the blood, and rouse every voluptuous emotion within
her; she sighed and kissed her little mistress again and again.

ALICE.—"What a fine rump! How hard and plump your
flesh is, Lucy! Oh, my! what's all this hair at the bottom of
your belly? My dear, when did it come?"

LUCY.—"Oh! pray don't, Miss, it's so rude; you will be the
same in two or three years' time; it frightened me when it
first began to grow, it seemed so unnatural."

ALICE.—"We're only girls, there is no harm in touching
each other, is there; just feel how different I am."

LUCY.—"Oh! Miss Alice," pressing the young girl's naked
belly to her own, "you don't know how you make me feel
when you touch me there."

ALICE (with a slight laugh).—"Does it make you feel bet-
ter when Mr. William, the butler, touches you, dear?" tick-
ling the hairy crack with her finger.

LUCY.—"For shame, Miss! I hope you don't think I would
let him touch me"; evidently in some confusion.

ALICE.—"Don't be frightened, Lucy, I won't tell, but I
have seen it all through the old glass door in his pantry. Ah!
you see I know the secret, and must be let in to share the
fun."

LUCY.—"Oh! My God! Miss Alice, what have you seen? I
shall have to leave the house at once."

ALICE.—"Come, come, don't be frightened, you know I'm
fond of Mr. William, and would never do him any harm, but
you can't have him all to yourself; I got you for my maid to
prevent your jealous suspicions and keep our secret between
us."

Lucy was in a frightful state of agitation. "What! has he
been such a brute as to ruin you, Miss Alice! I'll murder him
if he has," she cried.

ALICE.—"Softly, Lucy, not so loud, someone will hear you;
he's done nothing yet, but I saw your pleasure when he put

that thing into your crack, and am determined to share your
joys, so don't be jealous, and we can all three be happy to-
gether."

LUCY.—"It would kill you dear; that big thing of his would
split you right up."

ALICE.—"Never mind," kissing her lovingly, "you keep the
secret and I'm not afraid of being seriously hurt."

Lucy sealed the compact with a kiss, and they spent a most
loving night together, indulging in every variety of kissing
and tickling, and Alice had learnt from her bedfellow nearly
all the mysterious particulars in connection with the battles
of Venus before they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Fine weather soon returned, and Alice, escorted by the
butler, went for one of her usual rambles, and they soon
penetrated into a thick copse at the further end of the park,
and sat down in a little grassy spot, where they were secure
from observation.

William had thoughtfully brought with him an umbrella,
as well as a great coat and cloak, which he spread upon the
grass for fear Miss Alice might take cold.

"Ah! you dear old fellow," said Alice, seating herself, and,
taking his hand, pulled him down beside her. "I understand
everything now, and you are to make me happy by making a
woman of me, as you did Lucy; you must do it, Willie, dear,
I shall soon make you so you can't help yourself." Unbutton-
ing his trousers and handling his already stiff pego, "What a
lovely dear it is; how I long to feel its juice spouting into my
bowels; I know it's painful, but it won't kill me, and then,
ah! the heavenly bliss I know you will make me feel, as you
do Lucy when you have her; how will you do it? will you lay
over me?"

William, unable to resist her caresses and already almost at
spending point, makes her kneel over his face, as he lay on
his back, so that he may first lubricate her maiden cunny
with his tongue. This operation titillates and excites the little
girl, so that she amorously presses herself on his mouth as
she faces towards his cock, which she never leaves hold of all
the while; he spends in ecstasy, whilst she also feels the
pleasure of a first virgin emission.

"Now's the time, Alice, dear, my affair is so well greased,
and your pussey is also ready; if I get over you I might be
too violent and injure you; the best way is for you to try and

do it yourself by straddling over me, and directing its bead to
your cunny, and then keep pressing down upon it, as well as
the first painful sensations will allow; it will all depend on
your own courage for the success of the experiment," said
William,

ALICE.—"Ah! you shall see my determination," as she
began to act upon his suggestion, and fitting the bead of bis
pego into her slit, soon pressed down so as to take in and
quite cover the first inch of it.

Here the pain of stretching and distension seemed almost
too much for her, but she gave a sudden downward plunge of
her body, which, although she almost fainted with the dread-
ful pain, got in at least three inches.

"What a plucky girl you are, my dear Alice," said William,
in delight. "As soon as you can bear it, raise yourself up a
little, and come down with all your force. It is so well
planted, the next good thrust will complete my possession of
your lovely charms."

"I don't care if I die in the effort," she whispered, softly.

"Never mind how it hurts me, help all you can, Willie dear,

this time," as she raised herself off him again, and he took

hold of her buttocks, to lend his assistance to the grave girl.

Clenching her teeth firmly, and shutting her eyes, she gave
another desperate plunge upon William's spear of love, the
hymen was broken, and she was fairly impaled to the roots of
his affair. But it cost her dear, she fell forward in a dead faint,
whilst the trickling blood proved the sanguinary nature of
Love's victory.

The butler withdrew himself, all smeared with her virgin
blood, but he had come prepared for such an emergency, and
at once set about using restoratives to bring her round, and
presently succeeded in his efforts; her eyes opened with a
smile, and whispering softly, Alice said:—

"Ah! that last thrust was awful, but it's over now. Why did
you take him away? Oh! put it back at once, dear, and let me
have the soothing injection Lucy said would soon heal all my
bruised parts."

He glued bis lips to hers, and gently applied the head of
his pego to her blood-stained crack, gradually inserted it till it
was three-fourths in; then, without pressing further, he com-
menced to move slowly and carefully. The lubricity soon in-
creased, and he could feel the tight loving contractions of her

vagina, which speedily brought him to a crisis once more, and
with a sudden thrust, he plunged up to the hilt, and shot his
very essence into her bowels, as he almost fainted with the
excess of his emotions.

They laid motionless, enjoying each other's mutual pres-
sures, till Mr. William withdrew, and taking a fine cambric
handkerchief, wiped the virgin blood first from the lips of her
cunny, then off his own weapon, declaring, as he put the red-
stained mouchoir in his pocket, that he would keep it for
ever, in remembrance of the charms she had so lovingly sur-
rendered to him.

The butler prudently refrained from the further indulgence
in voluptuous pleasure for the day, and, after a good rest,
Alice returned to the house, feeling very little the worse for
her sacrifice, and very happy in having secured part of the
love of dear and faithful William.

How suddenly unforeseen accidents prevent the realization
of the best plans for happiness. The very same day, her
father was ordered by his medical adviser to the South of
Europe, and started next morning for town, to make the
necessary arrangements, taking the butler with him, leaving
Alice's mama to follow as soon as the two children were
suitably located at school.

Lucy and her young mistress consoled each other as well as
possible under the circumstances. But in a few days, an aunt
took charge of the house, and Alice was sent to this school,
and is now in your arms, dear Beatrice; whilst my brother is
now at college, and we only meet during the holidays. Will
you, dear, ask your guardians to allow you to spend the next
vacation with me, and I will introduce you to Frederick, who,
if I make no mistake, is quite as voluptuously inclined as his
sister.

PART II.

I will pass over the exciting practices myself and bedfellow
used to indulge in almost every night, and merely remark
that two more finished young tribades it would have been
impossible to have found anywhere.

I had to wait till the Christmas vacation before I could be
introduced to Frederick, who, between ourselves, we had al-
ready devoted to the task of taking my virginity, which we

did not think would prove a very difficult operation, as with
so much finger frigging, and also the use of Alice's leather
sausage, which, as I learnt, she had improvised for her own
gratification, my mount and cunny were wonderfully devel-
oped, and already slight signs of the future growth of curly
brown hair could be detected. I was nearly thirteen, as one
fine crisp morning in December we drove up to the Hall on
our return from school. There stood the aunt to welcome us,
but my eyes were fixed upon the youthful, yet manly figure of
Frederick, who stood by her side, almost a counterpart of his
sister, in features and complexion, but really a very fine young
fellow, between seventeen and eighteen.

Since hearing the story of Alice's intrigue with William, I
always looked at every man and boy to see what sort of a
bunch they had got in their pockets, and was delighted to
perceive Mr. Frederick was apparently well furnished.

Alice introduced me to her relatives, but Frederick evi-
dently looked upon me as a little girl, and not at all yet up to
the serious business of love and flirtation, so our first private
consultation, between Alice and myself, was how best to open
his eyes, and draw him to take a little more notice of his
sister's friend.

Lucy, who I now saw for the first time, slept in the little
room adjoining Alice's chamber, which I shared with her
young mistress. Frederick had a room on the other side of
ours, so that we were nextdoor neighbours, and could rap and
give signals to each other on the wall, as well as to try to look
through the keyhole of a disused door, which opened direct
from one room to the other, but had long since been locked
and bolted to prevent any communication between the occu-
pants.

A little observation soon convinced us that Lucy was upon
most intimate terms with her young master, which Alice de-
termined to turn to account in our favour.

She quickly convinced her femme de chambre that she
could not enjoy and monopolize the whole of her brother,
and finding that Lucy expected he would visit her room that
very night, she insisted upon ringing the changes, by taking
Lucy to sleep with herself, and putting me in the place of
Monsieur Frederick's ladylove.

I was only too willing to be a party of this arrangement,
and at ten P.M., when we all retired to rest, I took the place

of the femme de chambre, and pretended to be fast asleep in
her snug little bed. The lock of the door had been oiled by
Lucy, so as to open quite noiselessly, but the room was pur-
posely left in utter darkness, and secured even from the in-
trusion of a dim starlight by well-closed window curtains.

About eleven o'clock, as nearly as I could guess, the door
silently opened, and by the light of the corridor lamp, I saw a
figure, in nothing but a shirt, cautiously glide in, and ap-
proach the bed. The door closed, and ail was dark, putting
my heart in a dreadful Gutter, at the approach of the long
wished for, but dreaded ravisher of my virginity.

"Lucy! Lucy!! Lucy!!!" he whispered, in a low voice, al-
most in my ear. No response, only the apparent deep breathing
of a person in sound sleep.

"She hasn't thought much about me, but, I guess, some-
thing between her legs will soon wake her up," I heard him
mutter; then the bedclothes were pulled open, and he slid
into bed by my side. My hair was all loose, the same as
Lucy's generally was at night, and I felt a warm lass on my
cheek, also an arm stealing round my waist and clutching my
nightdress as if to pull it up. Of course I was the fox asleep,
but could not help being all atremble at the approach of
my fate.

"How you shake, Lucy; what's the matter? Hullo! who's
this; it can't be you?" he said rapidly, as with a sigh and a
murmur, "Oh! oh! Alice." I turned round just as he pulled
up my chemise, clasping my arm firmly round him, but still
apparently lost in sleep. "My God!" I heard him say, "It's
that little devil of a Beatrice in Lucy's bed; I won't go, I'll
have a lark, she can't know me in the dark."

His hands seemed to explore every part of my body; I could
feel his rampant cock pressed between our naked bellies, but
although in a burning heat of excitement, I determined to let
him do just as he liked, and pretend still to be asleep; his
fingers explored my crack, and rubbed the little clitoris; first
his leg got between mine, and then presently I could feel him
gently placing the head of his instrument in the crack, and I
was so excited that a sudden emission wetted it and his fingers
all over with a creamy spend. "The little devil's spending in
her sleep; these girls must be in the habit of frigging each
other, I believe," he said to himself again. Then his lips met

mine for the first time, and he was quite free from fear on
that account as bis face was as beardless as a girl's.

"Ah! Alice!" I murmured, "give me your sausage thing,
that's it, dear, shove it in," as I pushed myself forward on his
slowly progressing cock; he met me with a sudden thrust,
making me almost scream with pain, yet my arms nervously
clung round his body, and kept him close to the mark.

"Gently," he whispered, "Beatrice, dear, I'm Frederick, I
won't hurt you much; how in heaven's name did you come in
Lucy's bed?"

Pretending now to awaken for the first time with a little
scream, and trying to push his body away from me, I ex-
claimed, "Oh! Oh! How you hurt! Oh! for shame, don't. Oh!
let me go, Mr. Frederick, how can you?" And then my efforts
seemed exhausted, and I lay almost at his mercy as he ruth-
lessly pushed his advantage, and tried to stop my mouth with
kisses. I was lost. Although very painful, thanks to our fre-
quent fingerings, &c., the way had been so cleared that he
was soon in complete possession, although as I afterwards
found by the stains on my chemise it was not quite a blood-
less victory.

Taking every possible advantage, he continued his motions
with thrilling energy, till I could not help responding to his
delicious thrusts, moving my bottom a little to meet each re-
turning insertion of his exciting weapon (we were lying on
bur sides), and in a few moments we both swam in a mutual
flood of bliss, and after a spasmodic storm of sighs, kisses,
and tender hugging pressure of each other's body, we lay in a
listless state of enjoyment, when suddenly the bedclothes
were thrown, or pulled 06, then slap—slap—slap, came
smarting smacks on our bottoms, and Alice's light, merry
laugh sounded through the darkness, "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Mr.
Frederick, is this what you learnt at college, sir? Here, Lucy,
help; we must secure and punish the wretch; bring a light."

Lucy appeared with a candle and locked the door inside at
once, before he could have a chance of escaping, and I could
see she was quite delighted at the spectacle presented by our
bodies in conjunction, for as I had been previously instructed,
I clung to him in apparent fright, and tried to hide my blush-
ing face in his bosom.

Frederick was in the utmost confusion, and at first was
afraid his sister would expose him, but he was a little re-

assured as she went on, "What shall I do? I can't tell an old
maid like aunt; only to think that my dear little Beatrice
should be outraged under my very eyes, the second night of
her visit. If papa and mama were at home, they would know
what to do; now I must decide for myself. Now, Frederick,
will you submit to a good whipping for this, or shall I write
to your father, and send Beatrice home disgraced in the
morning, and you will have to promise to marry her, sir?
Now you've spoilt her for anyone else; who do you think
would take a cruche cassée if they knew it, or not repudiate
her when it was found out, as it must be the first night of
her marriage. No, you bad boy, I'm determined both to
punish you and make you offer her all the reparation in your
power."

I began to cry, and begged her not to be too hard, as he
had not hurt me much, and in fact had, at the finish, quite
delighted my ravished senses.

"Upon my word," said Alice, assuming the airs of a
woman, "the girl is as bad as the boy; this could not have
happened, Beatrice, if you had not been too complaisant,
and given way to his rudeness."

Frederick, disengaging himself from my embrace, and quite
unmindful of his condition, started up, and clasping his sister
round her neck, kissed her most lovingly, and the impudent
fellow even raised her nightdress and stroked her belly, ex-
claiming, as he passed his hand over her mossy mount, "What a
pity, Alice, you are my sister or I would give you the same
pleasure as I have Beatrice, but I will submit to your chastise-
ment, however hard it may be, and promise also that my little
love here shall be my future wife."

ALICE.—"You scandalous fellow, to insult my modesty so,
and expose your blood-stained manhood to my sight, but I
will punish you, and avenge both myself and Beatrice; you
are my prisoner, so just march into the other room, I've got a
tickler there that I brought home from school, as a curiosity,
little thinking I should so soon have a use for it."

Arrived in Alice's own room, she and Lucy first tied his
hands to the bedpost, then they secured his ankles to the
handle of a heavy box, which stood handy, so as to have him
tolerably well stretched out.

ALICE, getting her rod out of a drawer.—"Now, pin up his
shirt to his shoulders, and I will see if I can't at least draw a

few drops of bis impudent blood out of his posteriors, which
Beatrice may wipe off with her handkerchief as a memento of
the outrage she has so easily forgiven."

The hall was a large house, and our apartments were the
only ones occupied in that corridor, the rooms abutting on
which were all in reserve for visitors expected to arrive in a
few days, to spend Christmas with us, so that there was not
much fear of being heard by any of the other inmates of the
house, and Alice was under no necessity of thinking what
might be the result of her blows. With a flourish she brought
down the bunch of twigs with a thundering whack on his
plump, white bottom; the effect was startling to the culprit,
who was evidently only anticipating some playful fun. "Ah!
My God! Alice, you'll cut the skin; mind what you're about;
I didn't bargain for that."

ALICE (with a smile of satisfaction).—"Ho! Ho! did you
think I was going to play with you? But, you've soon found
your mistake, sir/Will you? will you, again take such out-
rageous liberties with a young lady friend of mine?"

She cut him quite half-a-dozen times in rapid succession, as
she thus lectured him, each blow leaving long red lines, to
mark its visitation, and suffusing his fair bottom all over with
a peach-like bloom. The victim, finding himself quite help-
less, bit his lips and ground his teeth in fruitless rage. At last
he burst forth: "Ah! Ah! You she-devil! Do you mean to skin
my bum? Be careful, or I will take a rare revenge some day
before long."

ALICE, with great calmness and determination, but with a
most excited twinkle in her eyes.—"Oh! You show temper,
do you? So you mean to be revenged on me for doing a
simple act of justice, sir? I will keep you there, and cut away
at your impudent bottom, till you fairly beg my pardon, and
promise to forgo all such wicked revengefulness."

The victim writhed in agony and rage, but her blows only
increased in force, beginning to raise great fiery-looking weals
all over his buttocks. "Ah! Ha!" she continued, "How do you
like it, Fred? Shall I put a little more steam in my blows?"

Frederick struggles desperately to get loose, but they have
secured him too well for that! The tears of shame and mor-
tification stand in his eyes, but he is still obstinate, and I
could also observe a very perceptible rising in his manly in-

strument, which soon stood out from his belly in a rampant
state of erection.

ALICE, with assumed fury.—"Look at the fellow, how he is
insulting me, by the exhibition of his lustful weapon. I wish I
could cut it off with a blow of the rod," giving him a fearful
cut across his belly and on the penis.

Frederick fairly howled with pain, and big tears rolled
down his cheeks, as he gasped out: "Oh! Oh! Ah! Have
mercy, Alice. I know I deserve it. Oh! Pity me now, dear!"

ALICE, without relaxing her blows.—"Oh! You are begin-
ning to feel properly, are you? Are you sincerely penitent?
Beg my pardon at once, sir, for the way you insulted me in
the other room."

FREDERICK.—"Oh! Dear Alice! Stop! Stop! You don't let
me get any breath. I will! I will beg your pardon. Oh! I can't
help my affair sticking up as it does."

ALICE.—"Down sir! Down sir! Your master is ashamed of
you," as she playfully whisks his pego with her rod.

Frederick is in agony; his writhing and contortions seemed
excruciating in the extreme, he fairly groaned out: "Oh! Oh!
Alice, let me down. On my word, I will do anything you
order. Oh! Oh! Ah! You make me do it," as he shuts his
eyes, and we saw quite a jet of sperm shoot from his virile
member.

Alice dropped her rod, and we let down the culprit who
was terribly crestfallen.

"Now, sir," she said, "down on your knees, and kiss the
rod."

Without a word, he dropped down, and kissed the worn-
out stump, saying: "Oh! Alice; the last few moments have
been so heavenly. It has blotted out all sense of pain. My
dear sister, I thank you for punishing me, and will keep my
promise to Beatrice."

I wiped the drops of blood from his slightly-bleeding
rump, and then we gave him a couple of glasses of wine, and
allowed him to sleep with Lucy, in her room, for the rest of
the night, where they had a most luscious time of it, whilst
Alice and myself indulged in our favourite touches.

You may be sure Frederick was not long before he renewed
his pleasures with me, whilst his sister took pleasure in our
happiness; but she seemed to have contracted a penchant for
the use of the rod, and, once or twice a week, would have

us all in her room, for a birch seance, as she called it, when
Lucy or myself had to submit to be victims; but the heating
of our bottoms only seemed to add to our enjoyment when
we were afterwards allowed to soothe our raging passions in
the arms of our mutual lover.

(To be continued.)

A gentleman, who is blessed with a beautiful and lewdly
disposed wife, has long been very unhappy and disappointed
at the results of his endeavours to become a parent. But re-
turning home from the City, very unexpectedly, the other
morning, he caught the Vicar of the parish gamahuching his
spouse. "Ho! Ho!" he exclaimed, in a fury. "So you're the
bugger who swallows all my children."

PART OF A LETTER FROM HARRIET KEENE.

I'll tell you a funny dream I had the night before last.
I thought I was sitting on a green bank, and a man was sit-
ting by the side of me; he fell to kissing and talking, but did
nothing else. Well, after a while, he got up and went away;
then, at the side of me, as I sat there, lay the largest prick
I ever saw. It was at least half a yard long, and as thick as the
calf of my leg; it had four bollox, but it tapered towards the
end. I thought I took it up and felt it. It was warm flesh and
blood, and I said to myself, "Why the man has left his prick
behind him; what a pity! and it is such a fine one tool what
will he do without it?" So I thought to myself, "I wonder if
it will spend if I suck it," so I kept sucking it, but it was so
big and thick that it made my mouth ache, and I said to
myself, "Never mind, it will do to frig myself with." So I
got up, and put it under my cloak, and cuddled it so close to
me that I felt as lewd as could be. As I was going along I met
the man coming back, and when he came up to me, he said,
"Have you seen my trumpet?" "Your trumpet," said I, "why
you mean your prick!" Says he, "You nasty, lying woman, it's

my best trumpet." "Well," said I, "if this is a trumpet, why
a trumpet's a prick, and a prick is a trumpet," and I held it
up to look at. He snatched it out of my hand. "Now, then,
I'll show you if it's a prick or a trumpet," and he began to
blow away on it so loud that I awoke and lost my prick and
trumpet too.

What woke me up was the sound of a trumpet in the
street, so I suppose that was the cause of my funny dream.

THE WISE LOVER.

Woman and man whene'er inclined,
In mutual goodness pleasure find,
The lawful spouse 'tis sweet to embrace,
In hopes to see a lengthen'd race,
But let who will the truth contest,
Another's wife is still the best.
When I was young and slightly skill'd,
In blisses womankind can yield;
I lov'd the maid, I lov'd the piece;
But as my wit and years increase,
I own the sweetest sport in life,
Is to enjoy your neighbour's wife.
A virgin coy with sidelong eye,
Your mere approach, at once will fly,
Abhors your nasty hot desires,
Nought less than marriage she requires,
Such maidenheads the wise detest,
The adultery maidenhead's the best.
The vagrant nymph who sells her charms,
And fills in turn a thousand arms,
Besides the loss of gold and fame,
May set Priapus in a flame,
Such fire-tailed comets God confound.
A wife is always safe and sound.

The genial flame I've oft allayed,
With buxom Kate, my chambermaid,
And dozens such as her, but found
Such sport with ills beset around;
He who at liberty would feast,
Will find another's wife the best.
A mistress kept at first is sweet,
And joys to do the merry feat;
But bastards come, and hundreds gone,
You'll wish you'd left her charms alone;
Such breeding hussy's are a pest,
A neighbour's wife is far the best.
If you are rash,a wife at first
May into horrid fury burst,
"Sir, you shall rue throughout your life
The day you've kissed another's wife."
Reply, "My dear, this gives the zest,
I always like my neighbour's best."
Jove, I remember, when inclined
To feast himself on womankind,
Though maids enough to him were free,
Always preferr'd adultery;
He took the shape of bird and beast,
To prove Adultery the best.
But while this naughty sport we sing,
Who can forget our gracious King (Geo. IV);
Him many a lady pleasures gives,
For which her husband pay receives,
God bless King George! His Majesty
Is patron of Adultery.
I own the dangers of the suit,
The sweetest is forbidden fruit,
And laws as thick as hairs are set,
Around the center of delight;
This peril gives the highest zest,
And guarded hoard is sure the best.

The wandering nymph your purse desires,
The chambermaid to rank aspires;

Your wife content with marriage dues,
All further license will refuse;
He who has put them to the test,
Must own his neighbour's wife's the best.

QUEEN BATHSHEBA.
A Temperance Ballad.
(Attributed to Sir Wilfrid Lawson.)

Grass widows and princes! a warning I sing,
Of the sad wicked doing of David, the King;
With Bathsheba, wife of poor Major Uriah,
Who was bathing one day, when the King chanc'd to spy her.

He was drinking up-stairs, and the weather was hot;
And her window was open (a thing she forgot);
And the stark-naked beauty had not an idea,
That while she was washing, a creature could see her!

She and her little sister were sporting together,
Enjoying the heat of the bright summer weather;
They bath'd in the fountain, and while they were washing,
Were romping all naked, and leaping and splashing.

What man could resist such an awful temptation?
He forgot he was King of the sanctified nation;
He was fill'd with delight, and lewd admiration,
And was mad for the raptures of fierce fornication.

Beware of the Devil, who seldom lies sleeping!
So while she was washing, and while he was peeping,
The King's living sceptre grew stiff as a rod,
"Nice mutton!" cried David, "Ml fuck her, by G—!"

So calling a page, he desir'd him to go,
And enquire all about her.—He answered, "I know

The lady your Majesty's pleas'd to admire,
Is the wife of the valorous Major Uriah."

His Majesty answer'd: "Go, fetch her! Be quick!
Much conscience, indeed, has a stiff-standing prick!"
The page ran to call her; she put on her smock,
And hurried to wait on his Majesty's cock.

One touch to her hand, and one word in her ear,
And she fell on her back, like a sweet willing dear;
He was frantic with lust, but she seiz'd his erection,
And put it at once in the proper direction.

She was girlish and lively, a heavenly figure,
With the cunt of an angel, and fucking with vigour;
He got her at once with child of a son,
And he said a long grace when the swiving was done.

So the lady went home, and she very soon found
Her belly was growing unluckily round.
"This an honour," said she, "I could hardly expect,
Your Majesty now must your handmaid protect."

"Never fear," cried the King, "I'll be your adviser,
I'll send for the Major, and no one's the wiser."
So he sent for Uriah, who speedily came.
But unluckily never laid hands on the dame.

King David was puzzled, he made the man tipsy,
But still he avoided the lewd little gipsy;
David laid a new plot, and his wish was fulfill'd,
In the front of the battle Uriah was kill'd.

THE HORRIBLE FRIGHT.

Poor Sally! I hear from your loving Mamma,
That you're in a horrible fright of Papa;
Take courage, dear girl, for the sweetest delight,
Is closely akin to a horrible fright.

In your dreams, did you ne'er see a horrible man,
Who crushes and conquers you, do all you can?
He treats your poor innocent mouse like a rat
That's touzled and claw'd, and devour'd by a cat.
He produces a horrible fright of a thing,
That fits like a finger in conjugal ring;
He thrusts, and he pokes, and he enters your belly,
Till the horrible monster is melted to jelly.
When you draw a new glove on your finger so tight,
The glove is, you know, in a horrible fright;
But soon it is taught your dear finger to love,
The man and the woman are finger and glove.
Away with your horrible fright, and away
With the wretch of a father, who hinders the play;
If he dares interfere, when you kiss on the sly,
Just pull up your petticoat, piss in his eye.
Ah! Sally, my darling, I wish that this night,
I might put you, my love, in a horrible fright;
You might lie down a maiden, in five minutes more,
I would open a secret, ne'er open'd before.
You then would behold, long, ruddy, and thick,
That horrible monster, a stiff-standing prick;
You'd cry out, "Oh, softly! Oh, gently! Ah! Ah!
Oh lordy, oh lordy, oh harder, la! la!"
At last, dearest Sally, your horrible fright
Would end in a shudder of tipsy delight;
You'll open your buttocks, as wide as you can,
To admit every inch of the dear cruel man.
You'll devour every inch of his horrible yard,
Till the testicles hit on your bottom so hard;
Your terrible fright, my dear girl, will be over,
You'll breathe out your soul, on the lips of your lover.
There's an end of this horrible fright of a song,
Your mother shall read it, and say if it's wrong;

No, she will approve it—her greatest delight
Is the prick which you fancy such a horrible fright.

PAYNE'S HILL (Mons Veneris).

In Middlesex a hill we meet,
For beauty known to fame;
Where wealthy Payne has built his seat,
Payne's Hill they call its name.
"Pray,Mr. Burke," said Lady Payne,
"What Latin word is this?
(I've searched the dictionary in vain),
Pray what's Mons Veneris?"
He look'd into her beauteous eyes,
So innocent of ill;
And gave the happiest of replies,
"It signifies Payne's Hill!"

INSTANCE OF SELF-DENIAL.

Mohammed Sadig, a gentleman at Hyderabad, received a
female slave, belonging to his brother at Kurnool, who was
going to Bengal, and requested Sadig to keep his property for
a year. Her beauty excited his passions greatly. He told the
story to my friend, Captain Keighley, and ended thus: "To
lie with her carnally would have been wrong, as my brother
had not permitted it, so I governed my love by the holy rules
of moderation and virtue, and contented myself with merely
fucking her in the arse."

George Stokes, the cheesemonger in Snowhill, had Dr.
Cullen one night as a guest. Cullen did not fancy the cheese
on the table, and said, "You do not know how to select
cheese; let me go into the warehouse and pick one out." He
did this, and the cheese he selected was delicious. Everyone
declared it most excellent. "How did you pitch upon it, and
in the dark, too?" said Stokes. "I'll tell you," said the Doctor.
"I tried several, till I came to one which made my prick
stand. This is it; a prime cheese smells exactly like a bloom-
ing, ripe, girl's cunt."

NURSERY RHYMES.

There was a young lady of Gaza,
Who shaved her cunt dean with a razor;
The crabs in a lump
Made tracks to her rump,
Which proceeding did greatly amaze hen
There was a young lass of Surat,
The cheeks of whose arse were so fat
That they had to be parted,
Whenever she farted,
And also whenever she shat.
There was an old priest of Siberia,
Who of fucking grew wearier and wearier;
So one night after prayers,
He bolted upstairs,
And buggered the Lady Superior.
There was an old man of Natal,
Who was lazily fucking a gal,
Says she, "You're a sluggard,"
Said he, "You be buggered,
I like to fuck slowly, and shall."

There was a young farmer of Nant;
Whose conduct was gay and gallant,
For he fucked all his dozens
Of nieces and cousins,
In addition, of course, to bis aunt.
There was an old man of Tantivy,
Who followed his son to the privy,
He lifted the lid,
To see what he did,
And found that it smelt of Capivi.
There was a young man of this Nation,
Who didn't much like fornication;
When asked, "Do you fuck?"
He said, "No, I suck
Women's quims, and I use Masturbation."
There was a young parson of Eltham,
Who seldom fucked whores, but oft felt 'em.
In the lanes he would linger,
And play at stick finger,
'Twas on the way home that he smelt 'em.
There was a young lady of Rheims,
Who was terribly plagued with wet dreams;
She saved up a dozen,
And sent to her cousin,
Who ate them and thought they were creams.
There was a gay parson of Tooting,
Whose roe he was frequently shooting;
Till he married a lass,
With a face like my arse,
And a cunt you could put a top-boot in.
A learned divine down at Buckingham,
Wrote a treatise on cunts and on fucking 'em;
A learned Parsee,
Taught him Gamahuchee,
So he added a chapter on sucking 'em.

NOT THE THING.

Said Lady Macneill, to Sir John, eating ling,
I'm afraid. Sir, that fish a'nt exactly the thing
Why really, he answer'd, I do not dislike it,
It's not the thing, but it's mightily like it.

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