Vol. 6: Sublime of Flagellation

LA

LA COQUETTE CHATIE.

Cy tJie Abbe GRECOURT.

hacun doit a fa femme amour & complaifance ;
Mais conquelle en abufe & prend trop de licence
La correction eft fouvent d'un grand fruit;
Vous en allez juger par l'hiftoire qui fuit.

Une femme trujours revenoit tard chez elles

Ne parlant que d'amour, de bals & de ruelles,

San voir que fon mari en avoit du chagrin,

Et de tout ces cadeaux fe laiffait a la fin,

Le mari peu conent d'une telle conduite.

Voulut que de fon ordre elle fut lors inftruite.

II lui dit done, ma femme, ou m'amour, ou mon cceur.

Je ne fcai pas lequel; car comrae, a fon malheur,

II

[ ii 3

II craignoit pour fon front ce dont on fait miftere,
II pouvoit bien contr'elle avoir quelque colere:
Mais n'importe, il lui dit, que faites vous les jours ?
Fait-il auffi les nuits, pour tous vos quinze heures ?
Je pretends, s'il vous plait, certaine heuere venue
Qu'au logis lagement je vous voye rendue,
Ou fi-non, je fcaurai vous mettre a la. raifon;
II en jura a foi, mais jura d'un gros ton ;
Avocat tout enfemble, accufateur & juge,
Comment contre l'arret avoir quelque refuge?
Enfin, bon gre, malgre, force e'toit d'obeir;
Mais la belle croyant pouvoir fe divirtir
Vu que tous fes plaifirs e'toient dans l'innocence
Ne s'embarraffa point de cette remontrance,
Et revint des le foir, tard comme auparavant.
Dans l'art de corriger l'avocat fort fcavant,
Avait depuis trois jours des verges fucculantes,
Qu'il fit tremper long-tems pour etre plus piquantcs
Des que fa temme arrive, il monta fur fes pas
Se faifit d'elle au corps, s'empare de fes bras,
Elle qui ne craint point de tragique avanture
Et peut-etre croyoit ceder a la nature,
Se laiffe de bon coeur renverfer fur le lit,
Quelle furprife, helas quand cette femme vit,

Que

I 12 j

Que le traitre mari n'en vouloit qu' au derriere

La chemife deja l'expofe a la lumiere,
De cent coups auffi-tot il fe fent d^chirer
Et la belle aux abois eft prete d'expirer.
En vain a fon fecours elle appele du monde,
Tout eft fourd a fes cris, aucun ne la feconde ;
N'etant pas la plus forte, il faut ceder aux coups
Et demander pardon a ce facheux epoux
Dieux! quelle extremity le cceur rempli de rage
Elle s'echape, & court fe plaindre au voifinage ?
Mais helas, a fa honte & fes meilleurs amis
Ne lui repondoient rien, fi ce n'eft par leur ris
Que faire pour fauver une femblable injure ?
II fallut de fon cceur, etouffer le murmure.
Ce rude chatiment eut un effet fi prompt,
Qu'elle ne fortoit plus comme les autres font.
J'entends celles qui font gloire d'etre coquettes
Et d'ecouter par-tout, les conteurs de fonnettes:
L'obeiffance fut le parti qu'elle prit,
Et dupuis aux cadeaux jamais on ne la vit.
Ah! fi le mode vient de bien feffer les femmes,
Que de fujets de craindre a la plupart des dames 1

TRANSLATION.

T R A N S L A T I 0 N.

The COQUET CHASTISED.

COMPLAISANCE and affection are juftly due
to wives; but when they abufe indulgence,
a little correction may be neceffary. The following
ftory is a cafe in point:—

A lady kept moft unreafonable hours: her head
ran upon nothing but balls and mafquerades, without
minding her hu(band's chagrin—who, quite difcon-
tented with her proceedings, was determined to be
very explicit. He (aid to her—"My dear, are the
" days not fufficiently long, but the nights muft be
" alfo devoted to your pleafure ? I muft infift that
" you return home at a certain hour: if you do not
" mind this injunction, I have a moft infallible method
" to bring you to reafon : of this matter I will be
" judge as well as accufer." The fair lady, confcious
that her pleafures were founded on innocence, paid no
regard to his remonftrances, and returned home that
evening at her ufual late hour. Little was (he appre-
henfive of her hufband's fkill in adminiftering difci-
pline, who, for three day^ before, had prepared a moft

rare

I H ]

rare collection of green birch-twigs; and, that they
might tickle madame to fome purpofe, he had foaked
them well in brine. As foon as my lady entered, he
was hard at her heels, threw his arms round her,
who, not the leaft apprehenfive of confequences, and,
perhaps, expecting a facrifice to Venus would be the
end of their endearments, fuffered herfelf to be ex-
tended upon the bed, and even her lovely pofteriors
expofed to the view of her pedagogue hufband. But
judge, ye fair, of her furprife, when fhe felt her deli-
cate white mountains torn by a volley of blows from
the hands of her exafperated hufband. In vain fhe
called for help; in vain fhe refifted his fuperior
ftrength—he continued caftigating her 'till fhe im-
plored pardon, and promifed amendment. The next
day fhe made violent complaints to her female friends,
who only laughed at the tragic-comic adventure. At
laft, being apprehenfive of another whipping, fhe
thought it prudent to be filent, and to reform her life.
I fhall only remark, that if once it becomes the fafhion
for hu(bands to chaftife their wives in this droll man-
ner, there are few ladies who would efcape, at fome
period of their lives, the clofe embraces of a good
birch-rod.

Well,

t 15 ]

Well, my dear, charming friend, what do you think
of this whimfical bagatelle? Methinks I hear you
fay, let me meet with fuch a hufband, and if I don't
retaliate, may I never make a young culprit caper
with a rod again !

Well, but ferioufly, my lovely friend, if every injured
hufband was to a£t in this fevere manner, what would
half our female friends do ? What would become of
our little friend Clariffa, if, whenever fhe played truant,
her herculean hufband was to wreak his vengeance on
her in this manner ? One thing, I muft own, I would
rejoice in on this occafion, and I don't know another
would give me half the pleafure, and that is to fee the
imperious Lady Dutchbottom prancing under a fevere
caftigation. But that is not to be expected from her
lamb-like hufband: he, poor creature, is fuch a flave
to her tyranny, that I am firmly of opinion, if her
proud fpirit would condefcend to ftrip and tie him
down naked on a table, he would, think fhe did him
very high and diftinguifhed honour, not only to wear
a rod upon his bum herfelf, but to ftand by and
command the Jack gentlewoman, her maid, to wear
another 1

Apropos

[ 16 ]

Apropos of this maid and her fifter, I have a ftory

to tell you.

They both lived in the family of Major-, where

the laft lady filled the department of governefs. She
was a fine fhowy woman, and complete miftrefs of
intrigue. It happened the family were from home at
a time when a gentleman called about money bufinefs.

Mifs L- received him with the utmoft politenefs,

and preffed him to ftay dinner. He confented, and
inftantly ordered his horfe into the ftable. It hap-
pened to be Sunday, and the children were out of the
way on a Visit to their grandmother, who lived in the
neighbourhood. In their way upftairs to fhew the

gentleman fome good pictures, Mifs L- happened

to mention the beautiful profpect fhe had out of her
fchool-room windows. The gentleman begged to be
inftantly conducted to the room, which, with the
readied politenefs, fhe c . plied with. The profpect
met his higheft approbation ; but, on turning from the
window, he obferved an inftrument lie on the table
that gave him fuperior pleafure. He took it up, fhook
it, and, turning to her, begged to know what kind of
ufe flie made of it. Most excellent, indeed. Sir, faid

fhe.

[ 17 ]

fhe, at times; I'd foon convince you, if you were one
of my pupils, what ufe I make of it. He then threw
himfelf on his knees, and begged fhe would quench
the raging fire that burned within him. She affected
not to underftand what he meant, till he took one of
her hands, and, rifing, forced it to the waiftband of his
breeches, to unbutton it She ftormed about the
room, and protefted he fhould not leave the houfe
till fhe had made him an example for the infult. He
begged, prayed, vowed, and fwore he would do any-
thing in the world to make her reparation. To this
fhe only anfwered with ringing the bell, and running
out of the room to bring up her fifter, who, after fome
confultation on the ftairs, made her appearance, little

lefs enraged than Mifs L-. The gentleman offered

to do anything to fcreen him from the fhame they in-
tended expofing him to. A promife of marriage was
propofed by the fifter, to which the gentleman inftantly
confented, opening his pocket book and putting into
the offended lady's hand a bank note of two hundred
pounds, for the better fulfilling it. Then, faid the
fifter, as you may be now confidered man and wife,
your firft requeft, Sir, may be complied with, and I'll
fee if I cannot carry it into execution. She inftantly

laid

[ i8 ]

aid violent hands on him, and horfed him with the

greateft eafe; and Mifs L-, pulling his breeches

down to his heels, and removing every obftruction to
the lafh of the rod, made him roar and caper till his
a—e was almoft flayed. In fhort, fhe whipt him into
the moft violent affection for her, and they were
married in a few days after: but, like every character
elevated from servitude, fhe, in a fhort time, frowned
upon the meannefs of her filler's fituation, and they
declared war, which opened with a difcovery of this
adventure to her miftrefs. Adieu.

LETTER II.

My Dearest Harriet, fliRCH Grove.

You tell me you are delighted with my tale, and the
fucceeding anecdote. This gives me no fmall pleafure,
I affure you—for who would not feel the higheft
human felicity in contributing to the entertainment
of the paragon of her sex! I have been making a
drawing of you and little Statira; but I have not
fucceeded to my wifh. I have failed in not only the

angelic

: i9 i

angelic beauty of my lovely friend, but the indefcrib-
able fpirit fhe affumes when exercifing the rod ! Who
but my lovely Harriet can boaft, in fo high a degree,
of the faultlefs form, fhap'd by the hand of harmony ?
the cheek, where the lively crimfon, thro' the native
white, foft fhooting o'er the face, diffufes bloom and
ev'ry namelefs grace! I have failed too, in the little
culprit: the limbs are not difpofed to my mind—they
are too inactive. I like to fee a figure plunging and
prancing under every lafh of the rod !

To make my prefent letter as entertaining as my
laft, let me recommend to your attention the following
little work, which I found in Sir Harry's cabinet this
morning.

The DISTRESSES of LAURA:
Or, The Boarding-fchool Bumbrufher.

HOW long muft a mother's tyrannical rule
Detain my fweet Laura a pris'ner at fchool ?
How long muft fhe hoard up, in nature's defpite,
The fweets of that body, mature for delight;

And

[ 20 1

And wafte among fchoolmates, a paffionlefs throng,
Thofe hours that to rapture and Venus belong ?

How cruel the lot of that delicate foul

Still to feel the rude hand of capricious control ?

Compelled to arife in the morning at feven,

Who with me fhould be welcome to lie till eleven;

To cfiapel thence inftantly hurried away,

For fins, which fhe never committed, to pray ;

For omiffions, 'tis true, fhe has much to atone,

Not having done thofe things fhe ought to have done \

Grant, Venus, the talk may be fpeedily mine,

To teach her the duties fhe owes at thy fhrine!

At breakfajl to one fcanty meafure fhe's tied,
No fancy confulted, no liking fupplied ;
When gladly I'd ranfack earth, air, and the fea,
For whatever might beft with her palate agree.

At noon o'er her leffon while penfive fhe plies,
How ficken her cheeks, and how languifh her eyes!
Thofe cheeks that fhould glow with the flush of defire
Thofe eyes that fhould fparkle with rapturous fire!
How often that bofom fufpires with affright
Which only fhould heave with the throb of delight!

How

[ 21 ]

How oft on her tongue foreign languages dwel/
Which fhould only in Love's native language excel!
How oft are her fingers, fo dainty and fair,
Condemned the oppreffion of thimbles to bear!
Which foon may it fall to my lot to remove,
Supplying their place with the pledges of love I
How oft is fhe doomed, at a mafter's command,
To surrender the charms of her lily-white hand ;
Which, on pretext of teaching in dancing a (kill,
He fqueezes with freedom, and palms as he will:
That hand which I never could touch but the dart
Of rapturous paffion (hot ftraight to my heart.

No help-mate to foothe or confole her is nigh,
To guefs at her wants, and to find them fupply;
But a miftrefs who huffs her complaints and diftrefs,
And mocks at thofe woes I would die to redrefs.
Or perhaps for fome error (and angels have erred),
For needle neglected, or leffon deferred,
She fuffers a fate which it grieves me to name,
The blended affliction of torture and (hame ;
And thofe delicate limbs, which I pine to poffefs,
And would fhield with my life from the pang of
diftrefsj

For

c

I 22 ]

For a pittance of mercy now ftrugglc in vain,
And tingle with all the difafter of pain.
" Oh miftrefs! dear miftrefs ! " the fweet girl cries,
" Indeed !—'pon my honour!—I never tell lies !
" I caught the vile girl in the a6t,* I proteft!
I will not believe it—your tongue's ne'er at reft'
But I'll put a flop to fuch impudent clack,
And the next time I'll flay every inch of your back i
Your bum's become callous, 'tis fo often whipt,
There's fcarcely a day but this backfide is ftripp'd:
¹⁴ Oh miftrefs! for pity's fweet fake let me down,
" And I'll give you my keepfake, my dear mother's
crown!"

What! offer to bribe me ! no, no, my fweet mifs,
Your arfe, for the thought, fhall feel this! this ! and this \
" Oh Lord ! I'll expire ! I cannot bear more ! "
You fhall fay you were never fo well whipt before:
Yes ! yes! you bold vixen, your tyrant ftepmother
Ne'er whipt half fo well the backfide of your brother;
And fhe, you've oft faid, takes uncommon delight
In whipping the urchin in bed every night.

* Of making ufe of an inflrument very common in boarding-
(chools. ^

[ 2₃ ]

I know Mrs Flaybum's an excellent hand

At keeping fuch impudent girls in command;

But you, fhe declared, never minded this arfe

Being whipt—nay, you called it a farce !

" Indeed ! 'pon my honour! 'tis falfe, I declare,

" Dear miftrefs ! fweet miftrefs ! oh Lord ! I can't bear

" Such a whipping ! forgive me this time,

" And you'll ne'er find me guilty of any fuch crime."

Didn't you oft hear me fay, it I once took in hand

A good rod, you would find it a sore reprimand!

This excellent rod I have worn to a ftump,

And I've flay'd your bold arfe from your thighs to

your rump!
I've giv'n you a fample of what I can do
When I've got fuch bold vixens to deal with as you !
Go now, fhew the fcholars your impudent arfe,
And tell 'em you think fuch a whipping a farce !—

Her tears and entreaties no lenity find,

Nor her hand, nor her heels, ward the rod from behind !

She ftruggles, fhe plunges, her cries pierce my heart;

But her mercilefs miftrefs increafes her fmart—

Still plies the fell birch, and ftill keeps up her clothes,

Till my Laura's fwcet bum is as red as a rofe.

At

C 2

r 24 l

At fettiiig of Sun, when thofe moments enfue,
Which to gentle delight and to dalliance are due,
With her fchoolmates at fupper fhe fparingly lares.
And to bed, without drinking one toaft, fhe repairs:
Then fquanders the night-time in indolent fleep,
When Venus her rapturous vigils fhould keep.

Affift me, thou merciful Cyprian Queen,
To refcue the fair from this torturing fcene!
Oh! e'er fhould thy favour confign her to me,
Thy altar no vot'ries fo conftant fhall be :
W^Tith offering tenfold we fhould hafte to repay
What time has been trifled in needlefs delay.

Well, my lovely friend, what do you think of this
complaining lover? Do you figh at the imaginary
diftreffes he deplores ? I think if we had him in the
fituation we had your coufin Charles, in the grotto, we
would put him in the highefb good humour with a
whipping; at leaft, I am certain a whipping from
your lovely hand would make him look up to you for
the remainder of his life as a divinity!

You'd foon convince him his pofteriors
Were never whipt by your fuperiors ;

And

And tho' you made him roar and prance,
He'd fay no ftep-mamma in France
(If he but turn'd his head to view you)
E'er boafted charms fuperior to you !
To look at your majeftic figure
Would ma!\-e him caper with more vigour 1
The lightning flafhing from each eye
Would I'ft his foul to ecftafy!
Your milk-white, flefhy hand and arm,
That evn an anchorite might charm,
Now tuckHg in his fhirt-tail high, "\

Nov/ (macking hard each plunging thigh, v

And tho» twin orbs that near e'm lie! )

Then, handing him the rod to kifs,
< ou'd make him thank you for the blifs:
No female Bufby then he'd find
E'er whipt him half fo well behind!
Your lovely face where beauty fmil'd,
Now frowning, and now feeming wild !
Your bubbies, o'er their boundr'y broke,
Quick palpitating at each ftroke!
With vigour o'er the bouncing bum
You'd tell th' ungovern'd boy who rul'd at
home!

There

[ 26 1

There is the very fpirit of pure poetry for you, my
charming flagellant Not my own, I affure you, but
felected from a lively poem I found among Sir Harry's
literary curiofities, entitled Madame Birchini's Dance.
Adieu.

LETTER ITI.

Mr Dear Friend, BrncH Grove.

YOU are all impatience to hear how I govern my
ftep-children—of this hereafter. I mentioned to Sir
Harry the theft I had been guilty of, in fending you
the curious anecdote from his charming collection.
He laughed heartily, and, in a few minutes after, put
into my hands the following whimfical tale, which you
may find as much entertainment in as you found in
my former letters.

In the firft volume of La Chronique Scandaleum,
printed at Paris in 1778, page 192, is the following
little ftory, in which an opera girl fatiates her revenge
upon a rival in a very extraordinary manner. Moft
probably the idea fuggefted itfelf to her from flmilar

punifhments

[ 2₇ ]

punifhments fhe had received and inflicted in the
courie of her amours.

At an opera ball, two courtefans, named Rofalie and
Saint Marie, had a falling out—the termination of
which was very curious. Invectives, or rather fevere
truths, were liberally beftowed by both parties. Rofalie
was obliged, in this fort of combat, to give up the field
to her adverfary: fhe retired almoft fllfled with rage,
and a deli re of vengeance. The next morning, a
young man, of genteel appearance, prefented himfelf
at the door of Saint Marie, who was not yet rifen:
her woman refufed admittance. He inlifts, and at laft
penetrates into the chamber, where the fair one was
ftill repofed in the arms of Morpheus. He fhut the
door and windows, and drew the curtain with no fmall
buftle. It was Rofalie herfelf, who came to demand
fatisfaction of her adverfary. She produced two
piftols, and prefented them to Saint Marie, who,
hardly awaked, fprung from the bed, and, falling at
the feet of Rofalie, implored forgivenefs. Rofalie
offered to decide the affair with piftols, which the
other tremblingly refufed. She then, after reproach-
ing her rival as a poltroon, produced from under her

greatcoat

[ 28 ]

greatcoat an excellent birch-rod, and compelling Saint
Marie to take up her fhift, and to lay herfelf in the
moft convenient pofture, fhe whipt her fair pofteriors
till the blood came, and then retired, fatisfied with the
vengeance fhe had taken.

This ftory is fo like one I heard fome years ago,
from an Irifh lady in London, that any one would
fufpect it was borrowed from it. There is fomething
fo highly laughable in it, that it would be a pity to

withhold it from you. A new actrefs, Mrs G-n,

an Englifhwoman, having made her entre in Lady
Townly, at the Theatre Royal in Dublin, three high-
bred women of fafhion, in the ftage box, groffly infulted
her, by talking loud, coughing, &c. The actrefs was
greatly diftreffed, ftopped, and at length burft into a
flood of tears, and retired. The ladies, unabafhed, for a
moment enjoyed their triumph, when a great uproar
enfued, and Go on! go on! was heard from all parts

of the houle, when a young collegian (no Sir R-

I-) suddenly jumped upon a bench in the middle

of the pit, and exclaimed to the audience—"My
friends who fit about me are determined the play
fhall not go on till thofe three drunken gentlemen in

women's

[ 2₉ ]

women's clothes leave the ftage box." The addrefs
was univerfally applauded, and, being followed by a
fhower of oranges and apples from both galleries, the
Amazonians retired in the greateft confufion, amidft
the hoots and hiffes of the fpectators.

Some time after, when Mrs G-n was about to

leave Ireland, fhe hinted her thoughts of retaliation to
an officer in the garrifon of Dublin, who was her en-
thufiaftic admirer, which met his entire approbation.
The gentleman wrote to the ringleader of the party,
in the name of one of the ladies above mentioned,
requefting a vifit from her at the very houfe where

Mrs G-n then lodged, where fhe was then on a

vifit to a lady who had juft arrived from England, and
who was their intimate friend. The lady arrived, on
the tiptoe of rapture, to embrace her friend, and was

led into a room where Mrs G-n was featcd to

receive her. The gentleman who conducted the
bufinefs was dreffed in woman's apparel, by way of
difguife, and received her with the rougheft politenefs
imaginable, by firft locking the door, then command-
ing her to go on her knees and afk Mrs G-n's

pardon, then gagging her, and then horfing her on

his

[ 30 ]

his back. The lady ftruggled as well as fhe could,
but all would not do: the enraged actrefs inftantly
took the rod in hand, and removing her clothes to the
fmall of her back, made her caper and prance, till her
lovely pofteriors were as well whipt as any from the
hands of a boarding-fchool governefs or tyrannical ftep-
mother. When the exafperated daughter of Thalia
beheld the blood running down her thighs, fhe dropt
the rod, and left her to reflect on better manners ; and,
in a few hours after, in company with her companion
in the bufinefs, fhe fet fail for England. The lady was
fo mortified that fhe never mentioned the difafter to
any one, and, in all probability, the only revenge flic
has had fince has been on the backfide of fome male
or female under her turbulent dominion. If fhe left
a fample of her corre<5tion as ftriking as that from the

hand of Mrs G-n, heaven help the poor culprit's

pofteriors! Adieu.

LETTER IV.

My lovely Friend, Birch Grove.

THE morning after my arrival here, Sir Harry's
fifter, Caroline, paid me a vifit: fhe is a beautiful

creature,

[ 3i ]

creature, and one of the moft engaging women in the
world.

⁴¹ Majeflic charms in ev'ry feature fhine,
" Her air, her port, her accent is divine!"

She brought one of my ftep-children, who was on a
vifit at her houfe, to fee me. In a few days I foon
found this young gentleman, from too great indul-
gence, what is termed a fpoilt boy, and I foon found
an opportunity to indulge myfelf in my favourite
amufement. I never found any boy fo much a match
for me as this youth, who is not" more than fourteen
years old. His fifter, to oblige Sir Harry, who is fond
to excefs of the fport, I whipt the very day after my
arrival; fince which I find fhe has been abufing me to
the fervants, and fhe told her aunt, before fhe had bden
an hour in the houfe, that I was the greateft tyrant
that ever took a rod in hand. What do you think of
this infolence, my dear ? But I foon found an oppor-
tunity to retaliate, and I did it to fome purpofe, I
■aflure you. The young gentleman and his fifter put
a fchool trick in practice in a day or two after, which
put me in extreme torture. It will make you fmile,
I'm certain. Upon my attempting to rife from the

feat

feat in the little-houfe, I found I was as fad as if I
was nailed to it. I screamed for affiflance, a poor
Caroline ran inftantly to me, and, to her aftonifhmenr,
difcovered that I was glued to the /eat with fhoe-
maker's wax. It had been rubbed pretty Lhic!: round
the edge of the hole, and, while the flidcj were un-
drawn, anyone might fit down without dilcovering any
fuch wicked trick. As loon as Caroline drew one of
the fide Aides, fhe plainly faw, but could not fee it
without laughing, I affure you, a circle of wax round
my bum, the heat of which forced it above the furface
of the feat. It was fo ridiculous altogether, that I did
not like the fervants fhould know anything about it;
fo Caroline went for fome oil, and poured it round my
bum, and with that and fome violent ftruggles of my
own I got difengaged. There, my dear girl, there's a
wicked trick for you ; match it if you can ! But I had
my fill of revenge. I took Caroline to my own room,
and having thrown myfelf on the bed, the fweet girl
turned me up, and, after half-an-hour's labour on her
part, and excruciating pain on mine, fhe freed me
from that terrible difafter. When I went down to
the parlour I challenged the young gentleman and
lady about it, and you may be certain they denied it

ftiffly;

[ 33 J

ftiiily; but they did not deny it long, for, on fearching
the young gentleman's pocket, I found the remainder
«f the ball of wax. He inftantly fell on his knees and
begged lorgivenefs, and protefted his ufcer fet him
on to put the diabolical fcheme into execution. I
inftantly got a moft excellent rod, and, having re-
quefted the affiftance of Caroline, I whipt Mifs Louifa
till I made the blood flart. I then pulled Mafter
William's breeches down to his heelb, notwithftanding
the moft violent ftruggles cn his part, and, with the
affiftance of Caroline, I left his backfidc as feverely
whipt as any female Bufby in England could do it.
Though I a6ted in this fevere manner I proteft to you,
fincerely, I laughed immoderately, when alone with
Caroline, at the whimfical trick. When Sir Harry
returned from hunting, and heard of the proceeding,
you cannot conceive how he lamented not being pre-
fent while I exercifed the rod ; and he would not
believe me that I had a6ted with fuch feverity, till
I called the lady and gentleman, and, ftripping the
pofteriors of both, prefented them before him. You
never, my dear Harriet, beheld eyes fparkle like Sir
Harry's at that inftant; he made them quit the room
inftantly, ftarted from his chair, locked the door,

dropped

I 34 ]

dropped upon his knees at my feet, and played the
culprit to admiration. I was perfect in my cue, and
inftantly forced him to lie down acrofs two chairs. I
then pulled his breeches down to his heels, and tucked
his fhirt in, by his defire, as high as I could, ufing
great deliberation all the time, and working myfelf
into a violent paffion, which was heightened by his
ftruggling, plunging, kicking, and abufive language.
I then, my dear Harriet, for the firft time with him,
took the rod in hand, and I made fuch excellent ufe
of it, that it flew in pieces about the room, but not
before I had given him a delightful whipping. He
was fo enraptured that he embraced me, and kept rne
in his arms above a minute, and then prefented me
with a bank note tor two hundred pounds. There's a
hufband for you, my dear! May you meet with fuch
another is the fincere wifli of

Your fincere friend.

P.S.—I cannot clofe this letter without mentioning
a fingular anecdote Sir Harry related a few minutes
after. In his rambles among ladies in the incontinent
world, he said he had picked up many ftrange anec-
dotes of gentlemen fond of a rod from the hand ol a

woman.

[ 35 ]

woman, among which the following deferves particular
notice :—A young nobleman took a liking to an
orange woman one day in St. James's-ftreet. He
happened to difcover fomething above the common
in her conversation, and a fhort time after he enabled
her to open a chandler's fhop, for the pleafure of
feeing the fervant-maids in the neighbourhood, who
came to deal with her. Chandler's fhops are always
furnifhed with rods for children, and his Lordfhip
made it a point that this woman fhould provide the
very beft. His Lordfhip always fat in the parlour in
difguife, and could fee through a little window every
perfon that came in ; and when he faw a face and
perfon that he approved of, he made a fignal, which
the woman of the fhop underflood, and immediately
began to fift the young woman—firft, by fhewing her
four or five guineas which a young woman like her
earned the day before in a few minutes, and depofited
with her, for doing a little matter in which her virtue
never fuffered. She would tell her what it was, and
offer her the fame if fhe would comply. The bribe
feldom failed, and his Lordfhip had the felicity of
having his backfide whipt by moft of the captivating
fervant-maids in the neighbourhood, from the bouncing

houfekeeper

[ 56

houfekeeper to the pretty nurfery-maid. The woman
of the fhop fwore the maid to fecrefy firft, and then
introduced her to his Lordfhip, who fhe reprefented
a very bold ungovernable boy. She then brought
her back into the fhop, put a good rod in her hand,
and, if a novice in the bufinefs, instructed her what to
fay, and how to act. Then the girl returned to his
Lordfhip, pretended to lock the door, tied his hands
behind him, ftretched him at full length upon a table,
on which was two pillows, pulled his breeches down in
a violent manner, and whipt him with the utmoil
feverity. The inftant the woman of the fhop heard
the firft ftroke of the rod, and he roaring for his
mother to come and fave him, fhe thundered at the
door to beg him off; but the maid paid no attention
to her, nor to his fupplications, no further than going
to the door feveral times during the punifhment, and
declaring aloud to her that fhe fhould not come in till
fhe had given him a whipping he fhould remember
while he lived. The woman of the fhop ftill kept
thundering away, till, from fome words that fell from
the culprit, fhe knew he was whipt enough, then fhe
bounced into the room and threw herself on him,
bewailed the fhocking fituation of his backfide, rubbed

it

[ 37 ]

it repeatedly with her hand to allay the fmart, tore
the ugly rod in pieces, turned the woman out of the
room in a rage, and poured a torrent of abufe on her
inhumanity to her dear little boy; then rubbed his
backfide again, and kiffed it, then untied him, pulled
up his breeches, feated him in her lap, kiffed him with
the greateft feeming affection, and tke farce ended.
For all this trouble he allowed this woman three
hundred a-year, and I think fhe deferved it. This is
a fcheme that might be carried into execution in fuch a
place as London at an eafier rate; and I have not a doubt,
Harriet, if thefe particulars were well known, a number
of young women might be comfortably provided for,
by fetting them up in chandler's fhops, the greateft
expenfe attending the opening of one of which could
not exceed fifty pounds. I forgot to mention another
particular of the peer before-mentioned, which is as
fingular. He had one of the fineft women in England,
a filter, who, when fhe wanted money, had nothing to
do but to drefs herfelf elegantly, fend him to his bed-
chamber, where he ftript and went to bed; in a few
minutes after rufh into the room in a violent paffion,
throw the clothes off the bed, pull him by the heels out
-of it, and extend him on a table, and then, perfonating

any

d

L 3» ]

any lady that he mentioned to her immediately before
the conflict, whip him without mercy. I wifh, my
deareft Harriet, you or I had fuch a brother; our purfes
would not be fo often as light as they are. Adieu.

LETTER V.

Dear Harriet, Birch Grove.

OF all the Flagellantarians that ever exifted, Sir
Harry has the greateft fund of whimfical anecdotes
about birch difcipline. He put in my hand this morn-
ing fome obfervations he made on his return to Eng-
land upon a fingular anecdote he picked up when laft
in Paris, which will, I have not a doubt, give you
much pleafure. He fays—" Lovers of birch, ladies
and gentlemen, are now almoft as common as the
lovers of Venus. That a partiality to a rod, exercifed
by a lady, has drove many into madnefs on the con-
tinent, from a too frequent ufe of it, is certain. In
England, the paffions of men are lefs fervent; the heat
of the clime does not drive men or women to this
provocative, or this pleafure, call it which you will,
for it is in efteem for both. Ladies in England are
* not

[ 39 1

not fo fond of this felicity as on the continent, but the
gentlemen here are, at this day, very near as great
admirers of it; and, fince the Cyprian ladies of Britain
have been led into the fecret, there is fcarcely a day
paffes but one or other of the circle adminifter this
pleafure. One anecdote occurs to me, which I have
not feen in print, of a youth of fourteen years old, in
Paris. This young gentleman is the fon of a French
marquis: he fell defperately in love with a dil-
tinguifhed opera dancer, one night at the opera. His
father he knew was one of the firft characters in the
gallant world, and as he was then a fingle man, the
youth formed a ftratagem to get the lady into his
houfe. The next day he wrote a letter in his father's
name to the lady, offering her a carte blanche. The
lady, upon enquiry, found everything to her wifh, and
fhe wrote a letter to the marquis how happy fhe
fhould be to embrace his offer. The marquis was
aftonifhed: he waited on her inftantly, and fet her
right about the matter; but before he took his leave
they agreed to live together, laughed heartily over the
affair, and that evening fhe took up her abode in his
houfe. He muft be lefs than man that could not con-
clude a treaty of this nature in a few minutes with a

lady

[ 40 ]

lady in poffcffion of thofe exterior beauties for which
the firft order of French ladies are diftinguifhed, and
a foul alive to every impulfe of love and gaiety. The
youth happened to be on a vifit at his grandmamma's
when the lady came home, and did not return till next
day. At the moment fhe was about ftepping into a
carriage with his father, in order to take an airing,
her gait, in her way out of the room, was io majeftic,
and her leg and foot fo finely formed and fhewn to
fuch advantage as fhe ftepped along, that the youth
was loft in tranfport. He had not an opportunity for
fome days of courting the felicity he panted for from
her hands, but at length he obtained it. His father
was gone to Picardy about fome preffing bufinefs, and
they were left alone. The lady fhewed the young
gentleman the moft engaging fondnefs, and he in re-
turn called her his charming mamma. One evening
as fhe fat in full drefs ready for her carriage to take
her to the opera, he kiffed her lips and hands in a
mad tranfport, then threw himfelf at her feet and
kiffed them an hundred times. He declared to the
lady, from whom I had this relation, that on beholding
her at this time his paffion mounted to fuch a blaze
that he was near being deprived of his reafon. Her

fhoes

L 41 ]

flioes were fpangled in the richeft manner, and the
quarters ornamented with a gold fringe: fhe had a
pair of large brilliant buckles of the Artois fafhion,
and a (locking of the richeft filk, ornamented with a
gold clock. All this, with a gold fringe to her petti-
coat, had fuch an effect on him as he lay at her feet,
that he wifhed to expire at them. She took this as
the gambols of a fond boy, and would have done fo it
he had not caught hold ot her hand and kiffed it an
hundred times. Her hands and arms were finely
formed and were as fair as fnow, and were adorned
with the richeft jewels, particularly her arms, which
had two bracelets fet with diamonds, and faftened on
with many fixings of pearl. She had an eye full ot
the liquid moilture of love, and a bofom full, and fair
as alabafter, which was quite bare. He attempted to
put his hands up her petticoats, which (lie removed,
nor would (lie fuffer him to approach the feat of blifs
while fhe lived with his father. When he found it
would not do, he went on his knees and confeffed to
her how fond he was of being whipt by a lovely
woman. This was an amufement the lady had no
objection to, as it was quite common in her country ;
"but there was no rod to be had. However, fhe let

down

[ 42 ]

down his breeches, at his defire, and flapt his a—e-
with her hand, promifing him a whipping to his liking
the inftant fhe returned from the opera if he would
procure a rod. She returned before eleven o'clock,
and he had a bundle of birch ready for her. When
fupper was removed and the coaft clear, he put the
bundle into her hand, and two yards of pink ribbon
which he bought to tie the rod. She felected from
the bundle what fhe thought would tickle him to her
mind, and at his defire fhe ftripped him to his fliirt.—
O! faid he, who can defcribe the raptures of that
bleft moment! An angel of earthly felicity about to
adminifter the fweeteft blifs on this fide heaven ! all
the ravifhing beauties of woman blazing in this object!
a form princely! a face full of lovelinefs! hands and
arms, legs and feet, caft in the fineft mould of beauty,
and decorated with the neateft ornaments of art and
genius! W^Then he was ftripped to his fhirt, fhe laid
him acrofs her lap, and having removed the tail of his
fliirt to his moulders, fhe took the rod in hand and
whipt him fmartly, according to his defire, for piffing
a bed. When fhe had given him about fifty ftrokes
he turned about and exhibited his tarriwags, but it
would not do. She took them in her hand and played

with

[ 43 J

with them, but fhe had too much honour to fuffer the
amorous youth to infult his father by a connexion
with her. As to whipping his a—e fhe confidered it
a matter of amufement, as indeed all the French ladies
do. She carried her indulgence in this particular to
fuch a length that fhe took the rod in hand as often
as he begged the favour; and when any lady was in
their company that fhe perceived him look with plea-
fure on, fhe would whifper his paffion to her, and make
her exercife the rod. One time, in particular, he
ftepped into a milliner's in Paris, where he beheld a
pretty fmart little woman, with whom he became in-
ftantly enamoured. He difclofed his paffion to his
mamma, who, anxious to indulge him, went to pur-
chafe fomething at the fhop, which fhe defired the
pretty milliner would bring home, as fhe wifhed to
contract a friendfhip with her. She came to the
Marquis's that evening, and was preffed to fpend the
evening with the youth and his mamma. When fhe
had fat a couple of hours, his mamma whifpered the
lady how happy the youth fhould think himfelf if fhe
would whip his a—e. The lady blufhed, but his dear
mamma laughed at her, and protefted it was an amufe-
ment of the higheft kind to her. Come, faid fhe, you

fhall

[ 44 ?

Hia.ll amufc him. I infift on it (going for a rod, and
putting it into her hand). As he was very little of
his age, his mamma got him on her flioulders in an
inftant, and the pretty milliner (tempted by fome louis
which were flipped into her hand) let down his breeches
to his heels, and whipped him till he roared out he
had enough. He begged his mamma, the inftant (he
let him down, would place him acrofs her lap, and that
both, alternately, would rub his pofteriors with their
hands to allay the fmart his new mamma's whipping
occafioned, which was complied with to his fatisfac-
tion." Adieu.

LETTER VI.

Dear Harriet, Birch Grove.

YOU are angry with me for not fending you more
particulars about Caroline: what would you have me
lay, my dear ?

" She is all that painting can e.xprefs,
Or youthful poets fancy when they love !"

To tell you the truth, my charming friend, I have
been in fuch a perpetual whirl of pleafure fince Caro-
line

[ 45 ]

line vifited me that I have not had time to mention
many particulars that would give you great entertain-
ment. Our neighbours from the caftle have been here
this fortnight; Mrs. B. has very little to recommend
her, but her fifter, how lliall I defcribe her ?

Fine creatures I've viewed, many one,
With lovely fhapes and angel faces;

But I have feen 'em all outdone
By this fweet maid at----

Lords, commoners, alike fhe rules,
Takes all who view her by furprife ;

Makes e'en the wifeft look like fools—
Nay more, makes fox-hunters look wife!

Her fhape—'tis elegance and eafe,

Unfpoil'd by art or modern drefs
But gently tapering by degrees,

And finely, " beautifully lefs !'

Her foot—it was fo wond'rous fmall,
So thin, fo round, fo flim, fo neat;

The buckle fairly hid it all,

And feem'd to fink it with the weight!

And

40

And juft above the fpangled fhoe,
Where many an eye did often glance.

Sweetly retiring from the view,
And feen by ftealth, and feen by chaace—

Two flender ankles peeping out,
Stood like love's heralds to declare

That all within the petticoat

Was firm, and full, and " round, and fair!"

And then fhe dances—better far

Than heart can think, or tongue can tell •

Not Heinel, Banti, or Guimar,

E'er mov'd fo graceful, and fo well!

Too eafy glide her beauteous limbs:

True as the echo to the found,
She feems, as thro' the dance fhe fkims.

To tread on air, and fcorn the ground!

And there is lightning in her eye,
One glance alone might well infpire

The clay-cold breaft of apathy,
Or bid the frozen heart catch fire!

And

L 47 ]

And zephyr on her lovely Hps

Has fpread his choiceft, fweeteft rofes,

And there his heavenly nectar Tips,
And there in breathing fweets repofes:

And there's fuch mufic when fhe fpeaks,
You may believe me, when I tell ye,

I'd rather hear her than the fqueaks
Or fa/-fam'd fqualls of Gabrielli.

And fparkling wit, and fteady fenfe,

In that fair form with beauty vie;
But ting'd with virgin diffidence,

And the foft blufh of modefty.

There's a picture for you, my dear Harriet; you may
look in vain the drawing-room at St. James's for a
companion to it. She has taken a great liking to me,
and I am as much attached to her. A few days ago I
drew her into my favourite fubject, but fhe feemed a
perfect novice in the matter, as much fo as the lady
who gave birth to the following beautiful epigram,
which I found among Sir Harry's literary bouquets.

EPIGRAM

L 48 ]

EPIG k A II

In her way to St. James's, to grace a birthday,
My fweet coufin Harriet, in fplendid array,
Caught my eye, while fhe ftopt in her new vis-a-vis.
And judging my taftc With her own would agree,
Exclaim'd, in a rapture—You admire my carriage,
It's the prettieft thing I have had fince my marriage ?
The beautiful stripes is a thought of my own,
And you'll fay, I am fure, they're the neateft in town.

They're lovely, divine! 'pon my honour, dear Harriet,
I ne'er faw fo neat on coach, phaeton, or chariot ;
And I'd give the whole world this inftant, by Jove,
For as many bold ftripes as a pledge of your love!

" I'll treat you, dear Charles, I vow, if you choofe it."
May I perifh, dear girl, whene'er I refufe it:
A treat of this kind, from my beautiful coufin,
Would give me more blifs than from others a dozen.
Such ftripes from your lily white hand, my dear Harriet,
Would eclipfe all that decorates coach, vis, or chariot!

From me, Charles, from me! pray what is it you mean,
It's a riddle, ray dear, that I cannot explain ?

To

: 49 ]

To pencils and paint I'm a ftranger, I vow,
And I never was call'd a coach-painter till now!

Yet in ftripes, my dear coz, you'd all women excel,
And e'en from De Barre you'd bear off the belle :
The ftripes that I mean would all others furpafs—
They're ftripes from a rod in thy hand on my a—e!

There's a flight for you, my dear Harriet, match it
if you can: if y*u cannot I can, but not in verfe.
Read the following anecdote: — An eminent city-
bred character went to greater expenfe to procure a
whipping than any gentleman perhaps that ever lived,
.'his gentleman, who had indulged his favourite paffion
with all the demireps of the high ton, from the cele-
brated Kitty Fifher to Poll Kennedy, equally renowned
for the exercife of the rod, took it into his head, one
night at the opera, that to be whipped by a woman of
fafhion muft be the fublime of the paffion. He had
often, like Rouffeau, devoured many a fine woman in
the fafhionable world, and tafted the felicity in fancy
from her hand, and now he wifhed to realize what
fancy had given him a faint idea of. Money was
no impediment, for he was reputed worth two hundred

thoufand

[ 50 1

thoufand pounds, and the women in the gallant world
boafted highly of his generofity. After ftudying for
fome time, he formed an intimacy with a French
milliner, near Cavendifh-fquare, whofe bufinefs with
ladies of diftin6tion was pretty extenfive. Thefe
women have fuch a fpirit of intr'gue 4 i their natures,
that a golden bait of any magnitude will tempt them
to do anything. The conditions between them were
thefe. For procuring the pleafure from the hands
of a beautiful duchefs, two thoufand pounds to the
lady, and three hundred pounds to the procurefs, for
the firft whipping; one thoufand and one hundred
pounds for the fecond ; and five hundred and fifty
for every whipping after. If a countefs, or wife of a
lord, half the afore-mentioned fums, except for the
firft whipping, which, from the hand of a countefs, was
to be purchafed at fifteen hundred pounds, if very
beautiful. It is very well known that ladies of
fafhion, when in company with their French milliners,
run over all the paffions of mankind, with as much
glee as over the hiftory of fcandal; therefore it will
not appear wonderful that the milliner fhould fucceed
in procuring this pleafure for the gentleman. The
fee was great on both fides, and fhe might mention it

without

[ 5i ]

without offen v. to the higheft, in point of rank, in the
circle of her cuftomers: they might clofe with it or
let it alone. We will not fay fhe could have the
impudence to afk any lady of rank, fafhion, and
beauty, to comply with fuch a matter; but fhe might
mention a certain gentleman's paffion, laugh over it,
comment on it, and wifh fhe were a lady of rank
for the perquifite. All this, no doubt, fhe did, and,
as many great women a»e fometimes as poor as little
women in point of cafh, it is no wonder that fhe fhould
fucceed with fome. She did fucceed, not with a duchefs,
but with a very beautiful countefs, whofe avarice was
fuperior to her modefty; but fhe had the fum allotted
the duchefs, which was given her, with a provifo that
the gentleman fhould be fuffered to enter her houfe in
difguife, go to the moft fecret apartment, and there be
treated like an incorrigible ftep-fon. He was con-
ducted by the milliner, in a female habit, with a band-
box, to the lady's apartment, where he was Stripped
by the milliner like a child, and put in bed, where he
continued crying for ten minutes, the milliner, who
reprefented her ladyfhip's maid, foothing him all the
while, but in vain. Her patience at length being
exhaufted, fhe bounced from the bed and called his

mamma

[ 52 :

mamma in a rage, who, in as violent a rage, entered
the room witli a rod. The gentleman ftarted from the
bed, and, feizing his breeches, which he brought under
his petticoat, he fhut himfelf in a clofet, where he put
them on. They forced the door open, and pulled him
out; he then broke from them, and darted under the
bed, from whence he was pulled by the heels by the
milliner, who, kneeling on his back, tied his hands
behind him ; they then bore him to a table, on which
were two pillows, and her ladyfhip pulled his breeches
entirely off. The milliner then held his legs, while
her ladyfhip walked up to him with great hauteur,
that he might have a full view of her, then handing
the rod to his lips, made him kifs it, and promiicd
him a charming whipping. After fhe had flood before
him, putting him in mind of his many naughty offences,
and reproaching him full five minutes, during which
time he ufed the moft tender fupplications for pardon,
fhe turned his fhirt up to his flioulders, and whipt him
vigoroufly, till the blood flowed copioufly to his heels.

I have above an hundred fuch anecdotes from the
fame literary treafury to fend you; but as you have
promifed to be with me in a few days, I fhall take

my

I 53"

my leave now, with the following ingenious article.
Adieu.

CAR D,

Addreffed to Gentlemen Flagellants.

A fhort while after the Fafhionable Le6tures appeared
in Paris, the following Card was delivered by the
bookfeller to every purchafer of the work.

ALL thofe purchafers of the Lectures who may
have a curiofity to judge of their effect when delivered
with propriety, will be referred to a lady of diftin-
guifhed perfonal and mental accomplifhments, who,
on a proper compliment being made her, will deliver
any one of the lectures, with all the eloquence and
energy of impaffioned voice and action happily united.

The lady has a houfe of her own, and her LECTURE
ROOM is furnifhed with rods, cat-o'-nine-tails, and
fome of the beft prints on Flagellation. The lady
has a ftout woman in her houfe, able to take a man
•on her back, when he choofes to be treated like a

fchool-boy;

E

[ 54 1

fchool-boy; and fhe and her maid are willing to be
paflive fometimes in the ufe of the rods, when required.
Price of the delivery of the firft lecture, a guinea;
every lecture after, half-a-guinea, and half-a-crown
to the maid, if employed as a horfe on the occafion.

N.B.—Single gentlemen, who are fond of repre-
fenting fchool-boys, waited on by miftrefs and maid
at any hour, before they are up in the morning, at
their own houfes, where the delightful divertiffement
of being taken out of bed, horfed and whipt, for not
going to fchool, will be played to admiration.

FINIS.