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THE REGULAR
BANG-UP RECITER,
AND CURIOUS STORY-TELLER;
A most indescribable Collection of some of the most
Delicious, Amatory, Luscious, Lecherous,
Frisky, Funny, and never equalled
RECITATIONS,
E?er written, never before printed, and to be had in na
other Publication. Together with some
of the most Out-and-out Frisky
TALES, JOKES, and ANECDOTES,
To be obtained. The present Series contains *-^
Or the Statuary Exhibition Room. A curious Tale.
THE SAILOR'S LONG MARLINE SPIRE,
A most deleetable Narriative.
KITTY'S BBISTLES!
A regular Rummy Slap-bang Recitation.
SAL TROLOP ; OR, THE CONFIRMATION.
THE HOLE IN TUB TALI,
Or the Parson's Old Benbow. A Ticklish Tale*
The Maid k the Breeches ! Riding St. George I
An excellent Story.
The lost Maidenhead. Making a Woman, or the
R Misterious Grind!
The Magistrate and the Boy, or the
mvisable A— Hole.
The Silver Chamber Pot, &c, &c.; together
with a Rummy Batch of FUNNY CONDRUMS.
The whole written by a *'Regular Teaser."
THE RBGULAR
BANG-UP RECITER.
THE THREE GRACES.
A Capital new Amatory Radiation.
A Fibmkb who lived in the wests
Wealthy and wise, fond of a jest,
Three daughters had, both young and fair,
None with the sisters could compare ;
Whose eyes beam'd forth such lecherous itOp
pTwould &et the coldest heart on fire ;
And then the beauties of their forme
Would raise all lust, burst violent storms ;
Such waists, such neokt, such hips, such thigh*,
They'd take a eaint quite by surprise S
The sisters had just reached that age,
When Mature fierce begins to rage,
And every wish they all require,
Is free indulgent to desire ;
So every night it was their plan, ■* -
To pray for what they wanted--man f
Their father being a prudent soul,
Held them all close "neath his controul,
For well he knew, without good minding,
Such corn wauld not long want good grinding^
At last, these lovely sisters three,
Long'd the metropolis to see,
For they had heard much of the sights,
Which each day the folks delights ;
And so at last, to gain renown,
Their father took them mp to town.
In town arriv'd, the daughters Mfg.
*o Somer»et-houj* wt d^ r^gair i ;
4
ffh* painting! won'rous there to view,
And all the curious statues too-:
But what drew blushes in their faces,
Was the statues of three naked Graces,
As thus they scau'd these naked forms,
More lecherous thoughts their bosom wa?lB%
While the young bucks who stood around,
Let their lewed jokes and wit abound,
And whisper'd if there forms where bare,
They'd far surpass the Graces there J
Their father, who heard what they did sayr
Vexed, his three daughters pull'd away,
And swore to those who round them hover*dj
•' All naked things ought to be covered 1 "
Home the next day they all return'd,
And swore with lust their bosoms burn'd,
So pleased were they with what they'd seen,
Th&c they their wishes could not screen,
Bo they resolv'd, the funny elves,
iTo act the Graces three themselves !
Dne day their father being out.
-fhey vow'd their plot they'd set about I
So to the garden then they flew,
Where every sweet and iiower grew :
And thinking there was no one near,
Pull'd off their clothes and stood quite baraw
Embracing—they quickly took their places^
In imitatian of the Graces !
It happen'd now, their father's man,
Had just then to the garden ran,
And standing at p—ss behind a tree,
Saw all he had no right to see I
Oh, dear, what thoughts then him oppreil^
To view the sisters all undrest,
Their forms so round, so plump,
Their heaving bellies—naked rump,
And other charms which tell I'm not,
But chief of all each small thatch'd cofc
At last unable to forbear.
He to the sisters did appear.
And boldly cried, round he hover'd,
** All naked things should be cover'd! **
* Sir," cried theycasgestsisterthe%
m You'fi ¥i*et asiiw of men,
That's just what father once did say, -
So Roger, cover us-~I pray !"
No mure the c)om\ did want to hear.
Bat thought the offer verv fair,
So stretching them upon the ground,
He tip'd them what they wish'd ail round.
When the old farmer came home at night
They flew to him with much delight,
And said, "dear father, didn't vou say,
At Somerset House, the other day—
That naked things so fair and free,
No matter what, should cover'd be P'
" To be sure I did," the father said,
"Then," said the girls, '' we've you obey'd,
We all stood naked in the ground,
So Roger cover'd us all round,
Aad as we his nakedness did view,
We io return did cover that too I"
THE WAGER.
A Regular Rummy Recitation, now first printed.
Lord Rochester, that merry blade,
A wager with King Charie* once laid,
That if his highness should command,
A woman to run through the Strand,
As naked as ever she was born,
He'd stop the gaping people's scorn, *
And spite of all the fuss and clatter,
Prevent the people laughing at her ! ■
" Done," said the kin-, " I'll take you*be<*
So let's about the business set;
And as I hate all vain delay,
To-morrow shall be the trial-day !"
The bet was made, for pounds some scores,
And Charles commanded one of his whore*
To strip herself quite bare of clothes,
And all her beauties to disclose,
And to prepare with freedom bland,
Next day to scamper through the Strand.
£he day arriv'd—crowds went to see,
Who the victor of the bet would be, %
And at a signal—came forth the whore, i
And not & auntie rag she. wQt%,
Prepared to take her cedrioua &ig\%
When Itoches*er with much delight^
fltep'd ifayl.T up behind the lass, I
And stuck his nose bang in her a—e I
Tnis ad ton tickled that funny part, •*
And made the whore to let a fart, I
However, the lord his wager won, .
The people laugh'd to see the fun,
And when the stink began to stir,
They laughed at him and not at her.
The king well pleas'd to see the joke,
Paid down the cish-—and thus he spoke,
•* You've won your wager—and here my lass,
Are ten pounds for shewing your magic a—e P*
THE STOOL.
A Famous new Recitation
9Twas in a town, which I won't name,
Bome years ago there liv'd a dame,
As rich as ever she could be,
Who in her houae kept serrants three*
Now this old lady you must know,
Such stinginess to al! did show,
She'd scarce allow her servants food.
They were half-starv'd, 'tis understood %
In vain they all did pray for grub,
This stingy dame did scold and scrub,
And swore, while she with rage did foai%
They'd tat her out of hou«e and home^
Her footman was a friyhful black,
As black as any chimoey back,
With sausage lips? and rolling eyes,
And nog** of such a monstrous sizep
Her wicked little servant-maid,
Who was withal a cunning jade,
Had grown as thin as any spit,
And for a week hadn't been to shitf
At last she said she'd speak to damea
And stop at once this starving game*
So to her mistres; she repair^
And thus her grievous tale declarer
_......-......-......-......■ - ■■ ' " 7
"Ob, madam, I am very bad*
A belly full I've long not had,
And I'm so bound in my inside,
That soon it cannot be denied,
If of a t—d I'm not deliver'd,
My mortal race will all be shiver'd9
So I've a scheme, if you'll agne,
By which we ail may s—t quite free!"
u Oh, name it, Mary," cried the dame*
*' I'll consent unto the same,
For sorry I am, upon my word,
To see you so long in labour with a t—-d 5
So name it Mary, do, I pray,
And please the pigs then shit away."
u Why madam," said Poll, " my scheme is this,
I'm sure you'll not take it amiss,
You know your black footman, Mr, Dick,
With ugly mug, and lips so thick ;
Bo what I humbly new implore,
Is that you'll fix him behind the shit houce door/3
wLor, bless me, Mary." cried the dame,
"What do you mean, I pr'y thee name ?'3
Because," cried Poll, ** you must declare,
■If you fix that black fellow there,
He cannot fail or I'm a fool?
To frighten us all into a stool,"
THE HOLE IN THE WALL ; or the PAJtSON'8
OLD BENBOW.
A Capital Amatory Recitation never before printed
All who would like to hear a tale
That to amuse ye caianot fail,
I'll tell you one of am'rous fun,
I'll make you laugh before I have don©*
Down in the country, free from strife^
There lived a farmer and his wife |
Whose beauty was of such a kind,
It fill'd with lest each person's mind %
And ?mong the rest unto his sham©3
The parson felt for her a flame ;
And often tried, the wicked lout,
To cuckold CHleg tha farmer st<?u&-
At length, annoyed by his addre««e#,
The dame unto her spouse confesses,
The am'rous parson's lewd desire,
Which set the good man's brain on £lr&
At length they both devised a plan,
To punish well this holy man ;
And Giles who had some fun in view,
Bor'd a large hole the wainscot through,
'Twas large enough, I can't be wrong,
To admit a member large and strong,
When they agreed upon the plan,
Across the fields the dame then ran;
And in a close secluded place,
She met the parson face to face I
With am'rous words he sued the dame,
And tritd to make her ease his flame ;
Swearing what wealth should be her store,
If she would let him have a bore,
To his delight, to his great joy.
The dame no longer seem'd so coy,
But blushing deeply, hung her head,
But not a word of anger said,
Yleas'd at the change, the parson then,
Most holy and upright of men,
Kiss'd and felt her—you know what,
And would have done it on the spot,
But she desir'd he'd stay his might,
Until the next—'twas Wednesday night,
When her husband would be out,
And none could see what they were about I
The parson vow'd he would obey,
And then delighted walked away.
Next night to his appointment true,
The parson euter'd to her view,
While Giles all in his perfect fume,
Conceal'd quite snug in the next room,
Grasp'd a sharp razor, and awaited,
Time his vengeance would be stated;
The parson burning for his mate,
Declar'd by jingo he'd not wait,
So swore with visage very grave,
That with her he'd an upright have.
With that to make his am'rous breaches
He pull'd old Beub@3f fesm his breeche^
9
And fixing the samo, I do assure yd.
Went at her just like any fury !
The dame, who knew well what was wha%
Said she would guide it to the spot,
While the old parson very bland,
■^feem'd pleas'd, so pop'd it in her hand J
JVhich she no sooner had by joel,
fhan bang she thrust it through the hol%
And Giles at the other side quite still,
Whip'd off the tool with wondrous skill f
Away run the parson from the farm,
Bawling with anguish and alarm :
While Giles the window up then threw,
Sayin?, " D—n ye, take your tool with yoa,*
And then without more fuss or rout,
Bang from the window threw it out,
It happen'd a la ly hVd cloie by
Whose servant girl, so keen and sly,
Just at this moment she was crossing,
When Giles the member was out tossing,
Bearing candle stick so bright,
And piece of candle all alight,
When the large tool, without a doubt,
Fell on the light and put out !
The maid confus'd, a curious case,
Took out the candle, and in its place,
The thoughtless wicked little fool,
Pop'd in the parson's bleeding tool :
Then to her mistress's room she sped,
And with astonishment she said :
" oh, mistress, mistress, look ye, see.
What a curious thing has come to me : '*
The mistress ga//d with wond'ring eyes,
And view'd old Benbow's length and sizf^
Turn'd it all round, on ev'ry side,
And then she in much wonder cried : •
a 0h, Mary, where did you find this ?
May'l never go to piss,
If 'tis not Parson Whackey's roger,
The wicked, lustful, lecherous codger S
Jt is his tool, there is no duutyt,
Iknow it by the pimple on the suoufe; *•
10
KITTY'S BRISTLES.
A Famous new Recitation. Now first printed
Kitty the milk-maid young and faif9
Had had a belly bald and bare,
Nor could the temple of desire,
E'er boaet, or else I'm a liar,
Until to womanhood she'd grown,
The smallest signs of silken down!
At length to Kitty's great surprise,
Between her plump and ivory thigha,
And all the seat of joy about,
A little buah began to sprout,
Which caused in her some foolish fear,
She knew uot women boasted hair*
Now Kitty alarm'd, as it U said,
Unto her grandmother she sped,
And crying she exclaim'd, ''Oh, oh!
Grandmother, I'm fiU'd with woe $
I'm sure 1 don't know what to do?
So for advice I've come to you 1"
The grandmother without more clatter,
Quickly inquired what was the matter,
"Oh dear," said Kitty, *4 'tis a sin,
I scarcely know how to begin ;
But you must tell me how to act,
For what I tell you is a fact;
I always have been fond of bacon.
And that's the cause, or I'm mistaken $
I've eaten it, as I'm a sinner,
For supper, breakfast, and fo* dinner,
Until—oh dear, as I must tell ye,
The brisile* are growing out of my belly P*
With that unto her anxious granny,
Kitty exposed her little Fanny !
**Ofr," said the dame, "pray stop your t8M%
You have no reason for your fears,
'Tis nature, nothing else, my dear,
All women have the same I swear,
In proof of which, don't mourn your i©t,
See what a muff your granny's got 1"
With that the dame pull'd up her doth*s#
And to young Krtty did expose^
11
A thing with such a plenteous napf
»Twa8 like a grenadier's cap :
Ktyty could scarce believe her eyes,
Then in a tone of wonder cries ;
** Granny, to get so large a wig,
You must have swalloed a whole pig I"
THE MAID AND THE BREECHES ; OE,
THE NAKED TRUTH.
A Slap-up Original Smutty Recitation,
ft was in France, during times of slaughter.
There liv'd a kdy and her daughter ;
The first was rich, and staid, and true0
And loved her only daughter, tool
Now Emilie, the daughter's name,
For beauty had attained much fame %
Tn fact, she was a sprightly lags,
With such a figure, such an a—e $
An a—»e enough to cause desire,
And set the Thames indeed on fire,
Many a sayain did pine to be,
This pretty maiden's chere amie,
And she with lustful passions benfB
To huve a grind was htr intent;
Among the rest who sought her hand,
There was a youth whose name was Bland §
A youth with every charm and grace.
And such a prepossessing face.
Her mother knew her daughter's aim,
And fearful she'd be brought to shame„
Oft took her daughter on the s\y9
And to advise her thus did try :
w My child, with anguish I behold,
That you are getting pert and bold,
You're ktraying in temtation's den,
And are too forward with the men,
Take my advice my daughter dear,
And then I'm sure you need not fear g
You with the lads my romp and play,
AIL in a simple, modest way,
But above all their tempt tug speochep,
Oh, mind the thing they've in 'heir urtttctatt
12
Unless to ruin you'd take strides,
Ne'er take that their breeches hides."
Emilje humble in a trice,
Vow'd she would follow her advice,
And shun these nasty sons of b-—es,
Who carried things within their breechei,
How well her vow she kept I ween,
"Will very quickly now be seen ;
It happened on the self same night,
She saw her loving swain at shite,
With breeches down below his shoes,
Oh, such a sight she could not lose f
For lo ! erect between his thighs,
An object curious met her eyes ;
An object I'll not mention here,
"lis one ordain'd to please the fair.
Now such sensations through her gl< wV
As she her looks on this bestow'd:
And roli'd tumultuous through her frame,
\nd mov'd a part I will not name I
The youth beheld, her, need I say,
What then took place without delay?
JBmilie had all her wishes given,
And lour times thought h«rs«»li in heaven ?
When she'd appea*'d ker lecherous bed,
She kiss'd the y outh, and home she sped;
And rushing to her mother's sight,
Thus she exclaim'tt with much delight %
" Oh, mother, mother, you was wise,
Me so kindly to advice,
A thousand times I'll bless your name,
And never more your har.shness blame J
For all through your correct advice.
I've ju3t had something very nice,
la one of neighbour Ormond's ditches,
1 Raymond saw without his breeches,
With someihug like a roasting spit,
The darling creature Was «t .slut,
3^0 sooner did he view me, when,
ULe most gallant and sweet of men,
Then he across m> person got,
Ana four times gave mt—you know whafc,
M Wretch,' * crie*i her mother, in alarm,
Which uoUiin^ fcetm i tonougU to calm i
13
* Did I not tell you, did you not swear,
That of the man you would beware P
Scorning their amorous wicked speeches!"
And ne'er take what they'd in the breeches,
"I know I (iid," U e d .ug^ ter said,
*• And why do you thus me upbraid?
I've kept my word, lit that uffice,
Thus I attendted your advice ;
The thing was in his ban <, c'on't scon%»
Besides* he had his bnechts off.'
RIDING SAINT GEORGE.
An Excellent Smutty .Recitation, never before
printed.
A country lad had heard, they say,
About the wonders of the plav,
And how, Ducrow, the cockney's pride,
With wond'rou* sk'li Saint George could rida-
And so at last resolv'd—don't frown-
To see him ride, to come to 'own.
With rhino in his purse galore,
A matter of ten pounds 01 more,
Dnat out in bran new suit of clothef,
Away to London Dobbin ijoes.
Arriv'd in town, a stupid clown,
He wander'd up. and wande'd down,
Star'd at each sight with -rtat am.ze,
No sight there w:«s escap'd his eyes,
Except the one for wiiioii lie cane,
To see Saint George a mighty tame*
He a^k'd of even one in* met,
But information coubi uct get,
'Till he espied a blowen young,
To whom he thus did wag his tongue:—*
w.Mv pretty lass,-can'st tell/' he c»ied,
'* Wh( re the folks Saint George do iiueP'*
The mot who saw he was a flat,
Replied unto his question pat;
" Why yes, my lad, bu come with me,
Ai.d jEreat Saint George I'll show to theef*
Dobbin was pUan'd, m> t ok her armt
And off he walk'd withr ut Anrm j
The lecherous little blowen then,
Ifoak him unto a ftwiav ken ;
14
They'walk'd up stairs, she lock'd the do«r9
And then,tbe artful little whore,
Said, the price to see the saint, you ninny,
Is just you see a'golden guinea I"
"D >bbi»i the money paid, 'tis said,
Then down she threw hi in on $ie bed|
PumM dwn hi> leather breeches rare*
And laid his secret member bare,
Which tea^'d at such Unusual fun,
Stood stiff and upright Us a gun.
The blowen then pult'd up her smock,
And mounting guard like any cock,
Did work away in pretty style,
Dobbin was grinning all the while,
Until subdued by nmorous play,
He farted onqe, thenswoon'd away.
When he reeover'd, cried the whore,
•'Tour sport you never can deplore,
Saint George I've shewn you, true I ayt
How do you like it, tell me, pray ?''
" Why," said the clown, " I am not cross,
Though George has turn'd me to a horse;
I think he be a savage cur,
To turn my tool into a spur,
Dang it, oh, dear, my little mot,
What a long beard Saint George has got !*•
Home went the clown well pleas'd, oh, dear,
And told his story every where f
T ei took a youthful frisky bride,
And soon taught her Saint George to ride.
THE LOST MAIDENHEAD.
A Cv-pi«.a» out-and-out, nothing,but a good Bummy
Rc-'f rt05<, never before.printed.
J'.i a small viiiage in Yorkshire once,
vTis irur, or e;se I am a dunce }
-Th« re dwelt, as you must know, a dam*,
Dobhvmbey tell me was her name.
v A worth), simple, good old soul,
W t*o<e lite did in contentment roll,
A widow bfaft, with but one child,
A girl ia disposition mild.;
15
Sixteen she was, a nice ripe a: e,
An i form'd, the coldest to engage.
Oh, who can tell this damsel's charms?
To try my muse it quite alarms ;
Darkeyes beaming with desire,
A bosom fill'd with lechery's tire :
Bound bubbies, just like dumplings, plump
And then I'm told she'd such a rump,
Not that this sweet bewitching lass,
A public show she made of her a------1
But once wnile sporting1 down a hill,
With frisky Ben, and larkish V\ ill,
She stumbled, and reveal* d a stern.
That e'en would make a stoic burn.
'Twas as white.as snow, 'twas round and plumps
ISo maid could boast so fine a rump :
Willga/ed, and sigh'd, alas i alas 1
And saw much more than Dolly's a------^
£l belly tempting met, his eyes,
£nd such a luscio's pair of thighs :
With a little slit between them wedg'd,
Which just with silken hair was fiedg'd—
From that sweet hair poor V\ ill was iir'd,
And to fill Dolly's op'ing he desir'd :
But knew not how to gain his joy,
For Dolly she was rather coy :
All though she oft in secret pined,
For what in men she could only find,
But her mother fill'd her mind with dre'^
And warn'dher 'bout her maidenhe'd,
Which if she lost, she said------oh. dear,
She never would know aught but care,
Howe'er Will had seen the spot------
And spite of what might be her lot,*
He vow'd that he would ne'er rest,
Until he was completely blest:
'Twas on a summer's afternoon,
About the middle 't was of June.
That Dolly wander'd o'er the plain,
And met this amorous loving sw<.in,
They talk'd, they jok'd, they roirp'd so gay,
And all among the new-mown hay :
When Will's breeches down by accident 1V*)<,
And show'd a tool that's known full well;
16
Dolly she viw*d it with surprise,
And wonder'd at its strength and sizt;
Its rosy head, all in aglow,
And the luscio's fruit that hung bolo*.
La ! will, she cried, what's this 1 &ee,
Whatever can its meaning be ?
1 ne'er saw such a thing before,
With that she rubb'd and felt o'er.
My deal, quoth Will, it is a tree —
Which I was born to give to thee :
And you h *,ve got a place so swee^
To hold it compact and neat:
And if you don't its prophecied,
Of every joy you'll be denied !
Dolly with terrior herd this news,
And how could she poor tirl refuse,
So up her shift went in a shot,
And will soon tipt her------you know what:
"What bliss——what heavenly joy was theli%
How willy sported 'mid the hairs,
Eifling all her beautious charms,
Rolling, basking in her arms,
Until the stream of joy was run,
And breathless------panting, they were doMw
Dolly went homo------not thinking wrong,
Hnd told her mother------ail along,
Aow will had serv'd her------what he had done,
And how she lik'd the amorous fun,
Her mother heard her guilty tale,
And then with grie' she did bewail,
" Oh. foolish girl," with grief she said,
*• Willy has stolen your maidenhead,"
Dolly with anguish heard her woes,
And she next day to will she goes,
*• Ah, will," the damsel then did say,
•* Mother says you've stole my maidenhead away,
A jewel such to me no doubt,
I shall be lost if I'm without,"
Will heard the tale, the cunning elf,
And thinking only of himself
Said, " do not weep, my pretty lass,
Worse things than that has come to pas*
Your maidenhead sha'nt cause you pain,
I toon can give it you back aosSa,"
it y
Oh, can you, Willy, lore, the er!<4^
Oh, then, of course, I'm satisfied!
So Will without much more to do,*
Once moi e exposed her charms to view,
And three times more in Fanny went,
Then home he sent her quite content!
She once more told the anxious dame,
Who storm'd to bear her daughter's namt.
And once more told her she was crosd'd9
For she her maidenhead had lost,
Back went Doll to Will next day,
And for his help once more did pray,
S tying, her mother, alas, still said,
That she had lost her maidenhead!
•* Your mother's wrong," cried cunning Will»
'* Your maidenhead you've got it still*
Ouly I see, I am no liar,
It wants poking up a little higher."
Dolly believed what Willy said,
So on her a—e once moi e she laid,
And six times all that he had got,
Went into her sweet little spot j
And I'm ton vine'<i—the fact's not small,
She could have taken — and all!
Young Doll went home, and went to be^
And just to keep her maidenhead,
Sh« call'd each day at Will's desire,
To poke it up a little higher.
MAKING A WOMAN; OR, THE MYS-
TERIOUS GRIND.
An Excellent New Flash Recitation.
Some years ago, this is the truth,
A farmer had a hopeful youth,
This only son, about eighteen,
And full as any cabbage green ;
But still the farmer thought him wise,
No fault he had, unto his eyes,
And all indulgences he sough%
Robin obtain'd, and nothing thought,
Mow Kobin grown tired of his native village
And also of Doth plough and tillages
18
Wanted to tra¥el both far and wide,
To see all sight* that could be spied,
And chief of all, as you shall knowf
To Birmingham he wish'd to go j
To see the tijanu factories there,
His father with joy his wish did hear,
So eave him ample share of pelf,
And off then starts the clownish elf,
Some months had Robin been away,
So thought he would no longer stay,
Tired of all he'd seen, 'tis plain,
He mounts the coach—he goes home again t
His father met him with uray mein,
And a*k\l him 'bout th' sights he'd seen.
" Sights," cried Kb, "I do not chaff.
"Whey, lor, I couldn't think o* half |
To Birmingham I did repair,
And see'd the wond'rous factories there-
Hut one I 8uw, although it's small;
But dang it, I zay, it beais them all 5
It has no equal—gold I'll stake,
'Tis a factory where the) women make !"
" Mike women !" cried his sire, with speed,
** No»*6nce—you must be wrong indeed V
"IndeedI'm right," young Hob replies,
HI see'd <ne made wi' my own eyes I
And you'll belie* e the same is poz,
When I shall tell you how it was;
One night, while walking through the town,
Th' rain did suddenly pour down,
And so around I look*d d'ye mine,
To see if I could a shelter find;
At last a house I spied— I'm suie,
A lamp was hanging o'er the door,
And so indeed the truth I tell,
I thought that it was an hotel,
But it turn'd out, as jou shall see,
A woman factory to be!
I walk'd into the passage straight,
To knock or ring, 1 did not wait,
But up the stans I quickly tore,
Untl 1 reach'd a chamber doorl
Mot hearing any noise, don't grin*-
With silent step I bundled in.
19
And sa* a «lght—oh, dear, lt'a trae>
I almost bluah to tell you,
Upon a soft and downy bed,
A naked woman there was laid,
And it is true, upon my honour,
A man was mounted right upon her,
With tools and rammer in his hand,
For workmanship was wisely plann'd;
He rubb'd her up, he stroked her down,
And wagg'd a gimlet, do not frown-«»
That he was making her 'tis plain,
To contradict me it is vain,
For I myself, it is no farce,
Did see him bore a hole in her a—e.
THE MAGISTRATE AND THE BOY; OB, THE
INVISIBLE A—E HOLE.
One of the most Celebrated Recitations ever written,
now first printed*
'Twas in a little country town,
A magistrate hVd of some renown,
Who dealt out law with wisdom keen*
And seldom did with mercy screen.
Luckless the rogue who met his nod,
Certain he was to go to quod;
The thief felt queer about the wizen**
He always sent him off to prison;
For mercy ihey did useless pray.
The magistrate e'er answered nay,
But to my tale, 'tis quite new,
knd I can answer it is true.
H rogue before this man was brought.
Who stealing poultry had been caugh*,
A rogue, he was well known about,
And deserved a rope, there is no doubt.
With trembling limbs the culprit stood,
And the fierce magistrate he view'd,
Who iook'd so grim, with surly face,
Just as he enter'd on the case.
Ths ease was heard, 'twas very clear
The culprit's doom did §ron appear,,
£9
The magistrate, ai did befit him,
Wag going for trial to commit him,
When the poor thief for mercy bawl*<^
And beggU a witness might be call'd.
A boy who could his innocence prove,
And from him all the guilt remove.
His wish was* granted—no one mocks,
The boy was plae'd in the witness box,
A li tie roguish looking dog,
Whom 'twould have been no sin to flog*
He look'd so arch, so wise, and bold,
And was not more Ihan ten years old.
4* Well, young scapegrace," the beak loud quoth*
11 D'ye k ,ow the nature of an oath ?*'
Dick scratch'd his head, with fearless yiew,
And said, " Your Worship, that I do;
I've known its nature some time since,
An oath, whv it costs eighteen pence f'
4 You r gue," cxclaim'd the beak with rage,
" You are a rascal I'll engage,
Tell me you little beggar's spawn,
Tell me, 1 say, was you e'er sworn ? '
* No/' said the boy, with vissage grim,
'«But foyther had summat sworn to him,0
•' Well, what was that ?" cried beak quite wild,
44 Why," said the boy, " a bastard child V
Moie vext the beak did appear,
And ^rowi'd just like a savage bear,
Bue Dick stood unabash'd at all,
While thus the magistrate did bawls-
Answer my questions, or by jingo,
You ra«eal, I'll send you to limbo 1 W
You much too saucy are by far, [are f9
"Do vou know how many commandments there!
Oh yes," said Dck, " I'll tell that fine, m
How many commandments, why, there's NIKB lM
•* Nine." cried the beak, mo*t wise of men,
44 You lie, you dour, you know there's ten!**
41 know there was " young Dick did say,
'• But you broke one the other day."
«* 1 broke one! tell me how was that?*
" I will," said Dick, " and that quite pal,
You broke one—when, I'm not afraid,
In Squire GJes's field you ramm'd your maid!"
il
•• You arrant liar/' the beak then cried>
" You to a cart's tail shall be tied ;
Your word's not worth a louse in aw,
You'd swear to what you never saw !"
•« To be sure I would," cried Dick with glee,
*• I'd swear to what I never see,
I'll swear you've a hole in your a—e so fat,
And I'm damn'd if ever I saw that I"
The worthy magistrate was beat,
The people laugh d at such a treat,
Asham'd, the beak, with judgment brief,
Discharg'd the boy, also the thief.
THE SAILOR'S LONG MAKLINE-SPIKE; OR,
THE MAIDEN'S CHOICE.
A Capital Original Smutty Recitation
Once on a time my story goes,
There li\rd not far from town,
A worthy couple—called Hose,
Of wisdom and renown.
Content they liv'd, for they'd enough*
And also some to spare;
Besides they had one only girl,
As any angel fair.
Fair Ellen was this maiden's name,
Grace o'er her form was spread,
*And scarcely seventeen summers had*
Their influence o*er her shed t
But oh, she'd such a form divine,
'Twould fill a stone with fire,
And make th coldest bosom burn,
With lechery and desire.
Now Ellen suitors had just three,
Who sought to gain her hand,
One was a wealthy squire's son,
With houses, gold, and land I
The second was a clergyman,
A man of skill and science;
An^.the third he was a jolly tar,
Who bade them all defiance !
•*>ng did those beaux teaze Ellen's 111%
And strive to win her favour;
32
But Ellen saw both the first two,
With cold and coy behaviour 1
The jolly tar she sinil'd upon,
A stout young blade was he;
No wonder tin she should prefer,
One who could plough the ocean! (0,)
At length the parents thought it best,
To make a last provision;
And which should have their daughter fair,
To come to a decision 1
And so they fix'd upon a day,
It was in April weather;
For all the three—at their house in glee,
To meet there altogether!
The day arriv'd—the lovers met,
A dinner was provided,
Of which they all partook so free,
And jollity presided.
The cloth remov'd, the glass went round,
Which they join'd hand and heart in;
Until at length dull night announc'd,
That it was time for starting.
The swains arose to go away,
Not having markM the hours;
When, lo ! to their great dismay,
The rain came down in showers.
They dreaded to have such a storm,
Thro' tempest to be dodging;
And so petitioned Ellen's sire,
To give them all a lodging.
This question puzzled Mr. Rose,
His house was small in station;
And scarcely knew how that he could
Aftord them accommodation.
At length he told they might stop,
In shelter from the weather,
If no objection they had got,
To all pig in together.
They took the offer with much joy,
Nor spoke of their condition •
Their room was parted from their good hosts,
Only by a partition;
And next unto her parent's room,
Was Ellen's sleeping station;
ts
80 alt the three could lay in bed,
And hear the conversation.
The squire's son said, " she'll have Jtt%
For who can count my riches ?
I've got ten thousand full a year,
With houses, land, and ditches!
Fve hounds, and horses such p store,
With oxen too to slaughter;"
" Oh," whispered Rose unto his wife,
<« That's the man for our daughter!"
" Talk not of your wealth," replied the next*
«* Ellen has more discerning,
To choose a swain so vain as you,
Look at my skill and learning 1
In talents, and in scholarship,
All others I'm excelling!"
" Oh," said the dame unto her spouse,
'• That's the man for Ellen !"
The jolly tar had silent been,
His patience scarcely keeping;
At length enraged, he cried, «' yer swab^
Damn ye, yer've stopt my sleeping !
But if yer don't belay yer jaw,
Although 1 might be loth, sirs,
I'll take my marline-spike in hand,
And ram it through yer both, sirs."
Now Ellen had sleepless press'd her bed,
And heard what her requited ;
But when she heard the Jack tar's words,
She cried aloud delighted !
u If Jack has got a marline-spike,
That will pass thro' two, d'ye see;
In spite of all you can say or do,
Why he's the man fcr me l"
L TROLLOP; OR, THE CONFIRMATION.
nious Amatory Tale, adapted for Recitation, and
now first printed.
Borne time ago, the truth I tell,
This curious incident befel,
Which I'm about to tell in rhyme,
Jt does not matter about the time.
I was in the country—true, but where*
1 <Ure say that you do not care i
14
▲ worthy rustic dame there dwelt.
Who all tbe cares of labour felt,
And toil'd from morning until night.
From dismal eve, till morning's light|
Although nhc had a daughter, who,
Was stout, and fair, and saucy too ;
In age she was but just fourteen,
Although in wisdom none so green*
It happened, as is oft the ease,
The worthy bishop of the placef
Had fix'd upon a day, I find,
To confirm all those who felt inclined}
So Sal with much persuasion,
Went to the church on that occasion }
And it shall now be my endeavour,
To tell her very strange behaviour.
•Tis known to all the truth I task,
The questions that the bishop asks $
And so repeat of course I shall,
What the good man did say to SaL
He eyed her with a sacred flame,
Then said, "my dear, what is your name?*
"My name," quoth Sal, who thought he'd huff he%!
** My name's Sal Trollop, you old buffer ;w 1
The bishop star'd with inward shame,
Then mildly said, " Who gave you that name?*
'* Who gave it me ?" cried Sal, not coyf
" Why, Dicky Scragg, the butcher boy,
And mother swears, so help her sneezum,
She'll kick his a—e when next she sees him f*
The holy man, who thought her mad,
8aid in a piteous tone so sad,
"Alas] alas! thou poor weak girl 4*
*' Not so weak, old cove," cried Salf
Of taters I can carry a sack,
For full two miles upon my back;
Bo do not think that weak I be,
Damn it that's very well for a young bitch like me J
THE COPPER STICK. 1
A Capital Amat ory Recitation, never before printed.!
In London Town, some years ago, j
A laundress liv'd. nam'd Betty Know,
Whom nature had not form'd so cold,
But that she oft in pleasure rolTd;
Althouth ft buafc*n widow she,
Upon the sly l^fc wrheedirm dee |
And by atshaft^efell 6f that kind,
w Ma^gj^^p'rythee mind,
Who at the time my tale commences,
Was ripe enough to charm the sense*
A sweeter age there's not I ween,
Than that delightful age, fifteen !
* But Liddy her mother helped to scrub,
And like her stood at washing-tab,
And was, the truth I will not pass,
A good industrious little lass.
Now you must know, one day her motheij
About the house kick'd up a bother,
For some one, curse the scurvy trick,
Had stolen her only copper stick !
About the house the dame did swear,
And Liddy came in for her share,
For you must know it was a shame,
Her mother fix'd on her the blame;
And said the copper-stick she'd hid,
'Cause she'd not do as she was bid.
In voin poor Liddy look'd around,
No copper stick could then be found;
At length up stairs the maid did fly,
Afraid to meet her mother's eye,
And just to pass the time away,
Look'd from the window, so they say.
It happen'd when Lid pop'd forth her head,
A stout young lab'rer near there sped,
And feeling quite full, not seeing Miss,
Beneath the window stop'd to p—ss!
But what did then poor Liddy see ?
Betwixt his belly and his knee,
'Twas something thick* 'twas something strong,
And nearly twenty inches long !
Lid gazM on the forbidden fruit,
And much admir'd the famous root,
While the young man unconscious stood,
And p—p away while all was good.
At lsst, and feeling am'rous twitches,
He was going to pop it in his breeches,
When down ran Lid bang in the street
And seizing his gfeat lump of meat,
26
And pulMn g him into the room,
While he with pain did stamp and fume,
She said, *( young man, that member thick,
I a just like mother's eopper-atickj
Which she has lost, so this I'll borrow,
Because we're going *o wash to-morrow P*
A-RUMMY BATCH
ORIGINAL SMUTTY CONUNDRUMS^
L When was the first f^vt mentioned in Scripture ?
When 3r.b.»m'»» ass (&r?e) spoke.
2# Why is a maid like a quill ? .
Because fehe must be* sglit before she'll make I
fine stroke! ^
M
8. Why is an act of parliament like a royal shirt or shifn «
Because it receives the royal assent (arse scent). ■
4. Why did Sol ornonrend his garment when his son diedj|
To show his great concern to the people.
$» Why is a good tool like a seedy swell ?
Because it's often put to the shift.
6, Why is a blowen the best woman in the world ?
Because she's fond of the upright, and alwa^H
shews the naked truth.
V
1. Why had the women more cause to fret than anlM
other persons during the late frost ? „ ^™
Because the mails (males) could not get in.
8» Why is every woman like an hostess ?
^^^
Because she keeps an open-ing (open inn) betweei^B
her thighs. »
9. Why is a standing tulip like a dead body ?
Because it's a stiff-un. "*
10- Why is a dancing master like a blowen ?
Because he lives by balls.
II.. What is the first thing you do after you have bee»H
to s—t ?
!■
Shut your a—e h-~e.
12.. Why is a queen's"bed like the mint?
Because it's the place to make a Sovereign.
13, Why is Queen Victoria like a new shilling I
Because it was made to sp—d.
*7
THE LUSCIOUS BABGAIN.
m. Famous new Tale, adapted for Recitation, and now
llrst printed.
A man with gold and good ^estate, .
Once took unto himself a mate;
A lady fair as fair could be,
And form'd to clasp the luscious tree!
Such eyes she had, who'd not admire,
They'd set a stoic's brain on fire ?
Such pouting lips, the heart to win,
And such an alabaster skin,
In fact, a lass, I am not Wrong,
That but to gaze at, made you long I
But yet her spoui/e she much revii'd,
Becuuse she ne'ei had had a child ;
Which made her sad, and caus'd her slum,
She said 'twas his fault, he said her's.
At length so high their wrath arose,
In fact they almost came to blows;
She called him useless hump of carrion,
And he retorting, called her barren.
At length, to end this foolish strife.
Thus did the gent address his wife :•—
•* My dear, 'tis useless thus to rail,
To gain oup point we e'er shall fail,
So thus to try whose fault it is,
I'm willing to agree to this;
That I to town shall haste away,
And Dick my groom with you shall stay,
And do your jobs to end this bubble,'
And I will pay him for his trouble,
And if he gets you in the family way,
I'll give in from that very day.''
To this the lady was quite willing,
Her mind with lecherous fancies filling,
For Richard was a stout young blade,
And famous at the grinding trade.
: Dick was call'd in, the tale was told^
He soon»agreed, and took the gold;
And off to, town that very dayi
His master drove without delay.
When he was gone, the lady and Di^i
E«ch day did nicety do the trick,
28
He hourly rifled all her charms,
And bask'd quite happy in her arras J
While she hied all the lustful arts,
And much admir'd the groom's strong parti*
It happeu'd they usually choose each morn,
To have a grind upon the lawn ;
By which did pass, aye eve^y day,
The village parson, so they say.
One morning Spin text going by,
At work the am'rous pair did spy,
Within a shady little bower,
And carefully he notes down the hour—
tFhen walk away, nor said a word,
But next day wrote off to her lord,
Desiriug he'd come home pell-mell,
As he had wond'rous news to tell.
Home came the gent, 'twixt fear and doubly
And quickly sought the parson out;
Eager to know without delay,
Whnt so important he'd to sa>.
" Si " said the gent, with stupid mien,
When Spintext rnention'd what he'd seen;
*' And is that all, good sir," said he,
u You sent in haste to town for me ?"
" All," cried the parson with amaze,
"Oh dear, these are sad and wicked days,
When husbands think it is no matter,
To wear the horns, noi make a clatter !"
" Stuff," cried the gent, "I knew all thisy
I knew ray groom my wife did kiss,
And just to indulge her am'rous flame,
I paid him well to do the same !"
" Oh !" cried the parson, with upturn'd eye%
" To hear you say so, what surprise,
How silly to pay him you must be,
For if you'd only come to me,
I'd have rode your wife with will,
And not have charg'd you for my skill.*'
THE JACK-TAR AND THE COCK-BOAT; OR,
THE WOLF IN THE LADY'S BELLY.
An Out-and-out Recitation.
Poor Miss Dobb a lady fair,
Was taken ?c5^f Ul# oh dear*
29
And just to know what was the matter,
She sent fur little Doctor Chatter!
The doctor came, with cane f* hand,
And tried to look uncommon grand.
*' Where is your pain, ma'am, pr'ythee tell mat*
" My belly, doctor ! oh, my belly J"
The doctor hearing her thus exclaim,
Felt 'neath her clothes, the pretty dame,
Nor was the doctor such a muS,
As to forget the part so rough !
When he had satisfied himself,
" My dearest madam," cried the elf*
"To cure you no doctor can,
Your only remedy's a man,
For you, it cannot be denied,
Have got a wolf in your inside;
And be it known, without a doubt,
Nought but a man can get it out !**
*' Oh dear !" cried she, and much distreft*
I ne'er can yield to your request,
1 never have had a man,
And to withstand it I ne'er can !"
'* Well," said the doctor, "'tis no lie,
Without a man you'll surely die i"
The maid alarm'd, exclaim'd, "oh lor,
1 never felt such grief before,
But if a man I must have to me,
Why, doctor, you that man must be !*
The doctor gravely shook his head,
And then in solemn tone he said,
" With your request I can't comply,
Such scandal would o'erwhelm my namfy
That it would crush at once my fame 1'*
This excuse seem'd so correct,
The lady she could not object,
But hop'd the doctor would look outf
And engage a man without m< re rout,
Promising when he had till' d her ground%
To give to him in gold ten pounds !
Just then, the doctor, in the street,
Espied a jolly tar so neat;
Who look*d a very likely lad,
So thug ha call'd to him quite glad|
#4 He re, Jack, here's ten pounds bid if JOB
"Will boatvl a vessel trim and true P*
" Shiver my topaails cried the tar,
" Then'just the wery lad I are ;
I'll board the craft well, splice her sail*,
My raarling-spike it never fails V
Up came Jack into the room,
And boarded the craft, being just in tune,
But when forth his marline-spike he drew,
A conger eel the ,end hung to I
" Dear me V* exclaim'd the ain'rous maid*
" You are a good one at your trade;
So, if you like, and that is plain,
You're free to board-fay craft again I*9
*' No, if I do, I'm d—d:*' cr/ed Jack, ~
Aad at the lady look'd quite black ;
" Sich tricks as this won't do for me,
Look at this conger eel, d'ye see ?
So if you like to turn your cock-boat fair,
Into a fishing-pond, I swear,
You sha'n't, I tell you plain, my mate,
Have my tough marline-spike for bait."
LUBIN AND BETTY ; OR, PECKING
THE EYES OUT.
A Capital New Recitation*
Down in the country liv'd a lass,
Who did all other girls surpass,
For beauty both in form and face,
She with a lady had a place.
Now Betty work'd so very hard,
That she from sleep was quite debarred.
At home, so when she could get out,
She^lay her down without more rout,
And to her drowsy passion yields,
And takes a nap while iu the fields,
One day, the sun being burning hoV-
£oor Betty to a field had got,
So went to sleep upon the grass,
And while she slept, her mistress pa8tf<8»
Seeing her stretehM upon the green,
With nought the sun for hear to screen,
ilhe woke her up, without qefaffc
And in reproving tones did say,
'• Betfy, it is a sad disgrace^
To hleep, and thus expose your fsG%
But if you do so, and no lies,
The ravens will pick out your eye§ ?"*
Betty alarm'd at what she Swore,
Declar'd that she'd do so no more,
But when she slept again in air,v
She'd cover up her face so foir.
Next day she to the field did creep,
And laid her down t<|<have a sleeps
But of the ravens being 'in dread,
PullM all her clothes above her head $
Leaving each charm expos'd to view,
As fair and bare as e'er they grew!
Whilethus Xylite naked Betty lay,
Young Lubin, walking, pass'd that way,
And quite entranc'd at iuch a sight,
He gaz'd upon her with deCSght!
While thus he look*d his passions roae^
Such beauties Betty did expose; - ' ""
A bellyvwhile as any snow,
A fairer man ne'er got upon,
So seeing there was no one nigh,
•« jftang it, said he, " I'll have a shy P*
Quick at the word, his magic staff/
He brought to view, and with a laugh*
He went to work witji right good will.
For Luoin was a lad of skill I
Betty arous'd by such queer play,
Entranc'd with bliss, contented lay,
As Lubin work'd without more dread,
8he kept her clothes tight o'er her hea#,
" Oh,, pick sway," she laughing cries out,
rm4)iess'd if you shall pick my eyes .out**
THE FATAL BLADES.
A Capital Smutty rec* on, now fifgt print*!*
a j.ale * heard, no doubt 'tis true,
As 'twai told me, I'll tell it yon^
Aboiit a lady young and gay,
Wto t$kmxi was in a que*r Way,
3
The pnrt affected, ts you see,
Was a little spo! above her kne*.
A spot possess'd by ev'ry miss,
The centre mark of nil man's bliss.
The cau6e. oi her ^fflieti* n sad,
And what indeed near drove her mad,
Was owing—listen a'l you Turks,
To the w-akness of her water-works.
Advice Rhe had from men of skill,
And thus at hist one spoke his will,
That she must get the part, ne'er doubt it,
Invested of ?he furze about it,
Which must be done —be't understood.
Without a shedding a single drop of blood.
When this she heard, she sent around,
But net a barber could be fouud,
To shave the secret little part,
With so much skill, and so much art.
Sr> finding no end to her care,
The lady w;<s in sad despair.
One day while driving out of town,
Attended by her maid, nam'd Brown,
Over a certain door, by gole,
She s>aw up rear'd a s> out long pole!
Amaz'd at this, she said to Brown,
" What means that pole which there is shown ?
" Why, that's a barbers," said the maid,
" The pole's the enblem of his trade,
And such a man of skill is he,
They say in town or country,
If you should search the world around,
To shave like him none could he found l**
The lady pleas'd to hear this tale,
To stop her carriage did not fail,
And walking in the barbar's door,
Her wants and wishes told him o'er,
And offer'd him ten pounds quite free,
If he could shave her—tweedlum dee!
*' Done," said the ba:ber, fi Vm the man
Who do the job q?;-te ne tly can,
So walk into my parlour str sight*
And not a minuts shu!l you wait."
la walk'd ti e lady, young end fair,
And gitting down in an arm chair,
8S
With roan? blushes—pull'd up her dofchss,
Ai.d now Miss Fanny did expose,
Bo thickly spread with furze around,
A bushier one could not be found.
The barber went to work quite gay,
And briskly lather'd he away;
But scarcely had shav'd off a hair,
When a vulgar laugh they both did hear.
The lady frighten'd at the sound,
JumpM from the chair, and gaz'd around,
And at the brick window—oh dear,
The simple cause did soon appear;
For there, with mouth distended wide,
The barber's 'prentice lad she spied,
Who all their deeds quite sly had \ iew'd,
Until young bob with lechery stood !
" You rascal," cried his master, "here,
How dare you stand thus peeping there ?*
" Why," Ize zeed all," the lad repli'd,
'• You cannot do it, though you tried,
But I can shave it clean and neat,
And make the job sound and complete.**
The lady hearing this—his master asked,
If she the boy's endeavours tasked,
Whether she thought he knew his trade,
And he could do as he said.
His master answer'd very quick,
The boy could really do the trick,
For as she must well understand,
Than him he had a lighter hand.
" Then," said the lady, with much glee,
" To-morrow send him unto me,
And if he shaves me clean and well,
I'll give him twenty pounds—farewell !*
Home then rode the lady fair,
And next day Robert did repair-
tin to her house—with brush and raaoTp
Kesolving fairly to amaze her.
Upon the sofa down she laid,
With gown and shimmee o'er her hea<%
While Bobby, sharp as any adder,
Into the crevice shoved a bladder,
Blowing the same quite full of air,
WMeh made the wond'ring lady star^
^ ......... -v r-v"--^-. -
And brought Misi^anny smooth and plump,
Easy to coirie "at as her rump.
Bob lather* d her with famous skill,
Then went to work with right good will,
And in ten mtnutes—he 1 ween,
Had shaved the part quite smooth and clean.
Delighted at his clever way,
The maid the promised cash did pay,
And Bob with many bows~-good lack,
Was going away—but soon turned back ;
*} Dang it," he cries, " 'twont do d'ye mind,
To leave the bladder in behin.i,
So please you mi«s—to save a rout,
Pull up arid let me poll it,out.*'
The maid not dreaming then—alas ! -
What fatal things might cbme to pass,
With civil temper soon complies,
And Bobby stepping 'twixt her thighs,
At the full bladder gives a tug,
Just like the pulling at a plug-**-
Bnt sadig t}ie tale I hate,1 to tell,
What through that tug the maid befel—
Bat although-'sad, 'tis true? no doubt,
It turned h^Fanny inside out;
And made her''"*cream aloud with pain,
But nought <eould get it in again ! , '
• So this is true—what now 1 say,
It's inside out from that sad day. v'
Be warned by this ye maidens all,
If illness should your parts befal, •
Unie&s you would be driven madder,
Ne'e* up-your Fanny take a bladder,
Or perhaps the same may you betide;
Bladders were meant to hang outside* t
THE SILVER CHAMBER POTl
. A regular Out-and-out Kecifcation.
A gentleman of wealth and riches.
Possessed^ houses,, fields, and di(dtie%
Amongst his treasures* such a lot,
"Had got a silver etieemuer pot;
A present left aim by a friend,
Wiifidi ha much primed, you may depend %
fn fact he fim-td not—mind the elt
Have it used by any but himself. ^
And cautioned all his maids so fair<
TJpo'i their perils not to dare
"V use it whea.he was away, . v
Which thpy all promised to obey.
.IVit.pivr.dies are only wind,
And-?.!1, the finale sex, now n>md—»
A~e r>viv»i t.o c'r-, or I'm a liar,
Contrary, fo all ihnt yon desire.
So ''':•; if. happen with this swell, .* •
You tnay( depend upon the truth I tell j
For when,he'd, gone, not on© would mis*t
For a treat/iri the silver pot to piss!
This yax'd their"master, who, no doubt,
Their Eatery tricks did soon find out*.
* A8d yow'd if he could the culprit find*
"'If^fifiefve her out in a certain^kind*
..fiaijg did he try 'to find a plot* y <'
To unra^l the; secret of the po'V ^ .
An>d.,fit lastr% thought came tn his hea?*,
Wtf|fh wouljl succeed he did not dread.
Ro.niycl the pot:s edge, ere o#£ J^w^nt,
Ile%pread some very strong clrewlnt. -
TCheif out he walk'd, and amiled with glee, ,
To tjiink how trick*d some f&ir would b*»
Now it.happ^n'd on that very day# r
B^tty, his choinbermaid, they say,
Her siater ask&d to come to tea, . '
'And was as happy as could be.
When tea wc.s o'er—now do not scoftV
The lass wanted Co let her water off;
And Be|.ty, to shew her what they'd g^f
Took her to pks in the silver chamber pole
DoW'i squats the m?A'l upon her rump,
Bang on the silver pi'S-pot plump,
And soon from her spring ; ah, do not blink
into the pot a stream did gush,
Which the recepuele fell in»< •'. »-1
Like peas i-attlisjg on a sheet bf tin. # >
But judge her honor and he • woe,
When her w^ter it had ceased to fbwf
To find, which you will own wa^um^
The pot waa Flicking to her bum*;
36
And all her arts defied—don't seofl,
Though long she tried to get it off.
Around the room she bounced, alas,
But still the pot stuck to her a—e.
Home came the gent amid the noise,
Hope of some fun his heart then buoySp
And to his chamber quick he hied,
But there no p—s pot he espied!
Xn a great rage loud he did bawl,
And summoned the servants, one and allf
And questioned them so close, forsooth,
That Betty soon confessed the truth,
And introduced the hapless lass,
With the p—s pot sticking to her a—*•
" A pretty job you've done," quoth he,
Your only hope depeuds on me,
You must submit to all I crave,
Or carry that p— s pot to your grave lw
*' Ob, I'll submit/' the damsel cries,
The tears all streaming from her eyes,
" Do then your will—kind sir, now com%
Only take this Jerry from my bum !M
The gent was pleased at what she said^
8he being a very handsome maid,
So out a certain member drew,
And at her Fanny—quickly flew I
He work'd away with might and main*
She nearly fainted with the pain,
And being overwhelmed quite,
She fa—ed with a ten-horse might,
Which had no sooner come to pass,
Than off the pot flew from her a—e.
So thus you see, this pretty miss,
By that one luckless, fatal p—s,
Had her rump tortured—filled with dread^
QqX kisd'd—uuU lost her maidenhead 1
IV