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THE
MERRY-THOUGHT:
OR, THE
Glass-Window and Bog-House
MISCELLANY.
Taken from
The Original Manuscripts written in Diamond by Persons of the first Rank and Figure in Great Britain ; relating to Love, Matrimony, Drunkenness, Sobriety, Ranting, Scandal, Politicks, Gaming, and many other Subjects, Serious and Comical.
Faithfully Transcribed from the Drinking-Glasses and Windows in the several noted Taverns, Inns, and other Publick Places in this Nation. Amongst which are intermixed the Lucubrations of the polite Part of the World, written upon Walls in Bog-houses, &c.
Published by HURLO THRUMBO.
Gameyorum, Wildum,
Gorum,
Gameyorum a Gamy,
Flumarum a
Flumarum,
A Rigdum Bollarum
A Rigdum, for a little
Gamey.
Bethleham-Wall,
Moor-Fields.
The THIRD EDITION ; with very
Large Additions and Alterations.
LONDON:
Printed for J. ROBERTS in
Warwick-Lane; and Sold by the Booksellers in Town and Country. [ Price 6
d.]
N. B. Some Pieces having
been inadvertently inserted in the Second Part of this Miscellany whoever it is
that shall hereafter send any Thing which reflects on the Character, &c. of
a Person, whether it be a Nobleman, or a Link Boy, shall receive no Favour from
our Hands.
THE
DEDICATION
TO THE
Honourable and Worthy Authors of the following Curious Pieces.
Gentlemen and Ladies',
WOULD it not be great Pity, that the
profound Learning and Wit of so many illustrious Personages, who have favoured
the Publick with their Lucubrations in Diamond Characters upon Drinking-Glasses,
on Windows, on Walls, and in
Bog-houses, should be lost to the World? Con-sider only, Gentlemen
and Ladies, how many Accidents might rob us of these sparkling Pieces, if the
industrious Care of the Collector had not taken this Way of preserving them, and
handing them to Posterity. In the first Place, some careless Drawer breaks the
Drinking-Glasses inscribed to the Beauties of our Age; a furious Mob at an
Election breaks the Windows of a contrary Party; and a cleanly Landlord must
have, forsooth, his Rooms new painted and white-wash'd every now and then,
without regarding in the least the Wit and Learning he is obliterating, or the
worthy Authors, any more than when he shall have their Company : But I may
venture to say, That good Things are not always respected as they ought to be:
The People of the World will sometimes over look a Jewel, to
avoid a T--d, though the Proverb says, Shi-tt-n Luck is good Luck, Nay, I have even found some of
the Spectator's Works in a Bog-house, Companion with Pocky-Bill; and
Fortune-telling Advertisements; but now, as Dr. R--f
said
vi The Dedication.
said, You shall live ; and I
dare venture to affirm, no Body shall pretend to use any of your bright
Compositions for Bum-Fodder, but those who fay for them, I am not in this like
many other Publishers, who make the Works of other People their own, without
acknowledging the Piracy they are guilty of, or so much as paying the
least Complement to the Authors of their Wisdom: No, Gentlemen and Ladies, I am
not the Daw in the Fable, that would vaunt and strut in your Plumes. And
besides, I know very well you might have me upon the Hank according to Law, and
treat me as a Highwayman or Robber ; for you might safely swear upon your
Honours, that I had stole the whole Book from your recreative Minutes: But I am
more generous ; / am what you may call Frank and Free ; I
acknowledge them to be YOURS, and now publish them to perpetuate the
Memory of your Honours Wit and Learning : But as every one must have something
of Self in him, I am violently flattered, that my Character will shine like the
Diamonds you wrote with, under your exalted Protection, to the End of Time. I am
not like your common Dedicators, who fling out their Flourishes for the sake of
a Purse of Guineas on their Dedicatees ; No, Gentlemen and Ladies, all I desire
is, that you will receive this kindly, though I have not put Cats to it,
and communicate what sublime Thoughts you my chance to to meet with to the
Publisher, J. Roberts, in Warwick-Lane, Post paid,
for
Your Most Humble, Most Obedient, Most
Obsequious, Most Devoted, And Most Faithful Servant,
HURLO THRUMB.
THE
THE
MERRY-THOUGHT.
PART I.
Madam Catherine Cadiere's Case opened, against Father Girard's powerful Injunction. In a Window at Maidenhead.
MY dearest Kitty, says the
Fryar,
Give me a holy Kiss, and I'll retire,
Which Kiss set all his Heart on Fire.
He had no Rest that Night, but often cry'd,
Z---nds, my dear
Kitty shall be
occupy'd;
I'll lay aside my Rank, I will not be
deny'd.
To-morrow I'll try her, Said the Fryar ;
And so he went to her,
And did undoe her,
By making her cry out for Mercy ;
And then he kiss'd her Narsey-Parsey.
L. F. 1731.
Underwritten.
Dear
Kitty
could never have
suffered Disgrace,
If whilst the old Fryar was killing her A--se,
She'd pull'd up her Spirits, and sh--t in
his Face.
From an hundred Windows.
That which frets a Woman most, Is when
her Expectation's crost.
Sun
(8)
Sun behind the Exchange. To Mr.
D---------b, on his being very hot upon
Mrs. N. S. 1714.
When the Devil would commit a
Rape.
He took upon him Cupid's Shape
:
When he the Fair-One met, at
least,
They kiss'd and hugg'd, or hugg'd and
kiss'd ;
But she in amorous Desire,
Thought she
had Cupid's Dart,
But got Hell Fire,
And found the Smart.
2V. B. And then the Surgeon was
sent for.
From the White-Hart at
Acton.
Kitty the strangest Girl in
Life,
For any one to make a Wife
;
Her Constitution's cold, with warm
Desire,
She kisses just like Ice and
Fire.
At the Bear-Inn, Spinham-Land.
EVANK it is a Word of Fame,
Spell it
backwards, 'tis your Name.
S. T. 1710.
Find it out if 'tis your
Name, R. M.
At the Cranes, Edgeworth.
As I walk'd by myself, I said to myself,
And myself said again to me :
Look to thyself, Take Care of
thyself,
For no Body cares for
thee,
Then
(9)
Then I myself
Thus answer'd myself,
With the self-same
Repartee :
Look to thyself,
Or look not to thyself,
'Tis the
self-same Thing to me.
John Careless.
On a Frier who cuckol'd a Dyer at Roan in France ; and the Dyer's Revenge in dying him Blue.
There was a topping Dyer,
Was cuckol'd by a Frier :
He sew the Case,
How bad it was,
And feign'd to take a
Journey,
Saying softly, Madam, ---- burn ye
But stopping by the Way
He saw the Priest full
gay,
Running fast to his House,
To tickle his Spouse :
'Tis d---n'd vile, thinks the
Dyer,
But away went the Frier.
I'll be with you anon,
Says the Dyer, --- go on,
And as I am blunt,
If I find you have don't,
I'll dye you for Life,
For debauching my Wife ;
And as good as his Word,
For he car'd not a T--d,
Away goes the Dyer,
Caught his Wife with the
Frier.
And led the Monk down,
And pickled him loon,
B In
( 10 )
In a Dye-Fat of Blur,
Which he ever will rue,
'Twas so lasting a Hue;
And that spoilt his hunting,
A
Twelve-month or two, &c.
Daniel Cowper,
&c.
On a Tavern Window in Fleet-Street. An Address to our present Petit-Maitres.
No more let each fond foppling court a
Brother,
And quit the Girls to dress for one another ;
Old maids, in Vengeance
to their slighted Beauty,
Shall one Day make you wish you'd done your Duty; Thro' H-ll they drag ye on inost aukward Shapes, Yoak'd in their
Apron-Strings, and led for Apes.
Written wider a Couple of paultry Verses, in a Woman's Hand.
Immodest "Words admit of no Defence;
For Want of Decency is want of Sense.
Eaton, on a Window. A Discourse by
Numbers and Figures.
When I came to V,
We made IV of us II
;
Yet I took the Right Hand,
And then what came of V?
V was lesser by I
Then V had been beIV
:
But an L and some Xes
Would make V
LXXX.
If V could C as well as I,
'Tis a hundred to one, but I comply ;
Then V
and I together fix,
I'll stand by V, and make V
VI.
On
( 11 )
On a Window in Mainwaring's coffee-house, Fleet-Street.
Omnia Vincit Amor.
If Kisses were the only Joys in Bed,
Then
Women would with one another wed.
At the same Place.
Let Jove his Juno, and his
Nectar boast,
Champain's my Liquor, and Miss
K---g my
Toast.
Rumford on a Window.
When full of Pence, I was expensive,
And
now I've none, I'm always pensive.
Underwritten.
Then be at no Expence
And you'll have no
Suspence.
W. T.
Dean's Yard, Westminster, in Charcoal,
on a Wall, a Verse to be read upwards or down-wards, or arsey-versey the
same.
SATOR
AREPO
TENET
OPERA
ROTAS
Maidenhead, in a Window.
In a Window, In a Window, I saw a Cat
lick her Ear in a Window.
Nay, Sir, ------she cry'd, I'll swear I
won't.
I vow I never yet have
don't!
B 2 Lord!
(12)
Lord I Pray, Sir, do not press me so ;
I'll call for all the Folks below. Good Lord! what is't ? You're very rude ;
And then she acted like a Prude. And then,
Like Birds of a Feather, They flock'd
together.
S. T.
Rebuses on Drinking-Glasses, at a private Club of Gentlemen.
Miss Wall-sing-ham.
What encloses a Plat, as I wish her dear
Arms
Had my Body encompass'd, with Nightingale's Charms,
And the Leg of an Hog, gives my dearest
her Name.
Her Beauties so great set my Heart on a Flame.
Rebus on Miss Nick-ells.
Take the Devil's short Name,
And much
more than a Yard,
You've the Name of the Dame
I shall ever
regard.
Rebus on Miss S. Bell.
The greatest Noise on Sundays made, Tells
us her Name in Masquerade, Whom I must kiss, ------or be a
Shade,
Rebus for Miss M. Cotton.
One of the softest Things in Nature,
Beareth the Name of my dear Creature.
Rebus
( 13)
Rebus on Miss Anne Oliv-er.
A Pickle of excellent
Growth,
And to * Sin against the
Truth,
Tells the Name of a Virgin of Beauty and
Youth, 3
* i.e. To
Err.
Rebus on Miss Par-sons.
A famous Old Man of Old
Time,
And his Children, the Males of his
Line,
Give the Name of my Beauty
Divine.
Rebus on Miss Har-ring-ton.
The Pleasure of the Sportsman's Chace
;
The Pledge in Matrimonial Case,
With Twenty Hundred Weight beside,
Name her I wish to make my Bride.
At Epsom on a Window.
When my brisk Lass Upon the
Grass,
Will sport, and Give her Love
;
She'll wink and pink,
Till she can't think ;
That's Happiness, by
Jove !
Per Jovem Juro.
J.M.
The following is is a Caberet
Window at Paris, to be read forwards and backwards the
same.
Roma tibi subito motibus ibit
amor.
Underwritten.
Le Diable
t'emporte.
The Three last Words, the Criticks
tell us, spell in English, The Devil take you.
At
(14)
At the same Place.
Chagrin come le
Diable:
For a Girl has spoil't my Bauble.
A Heathen Greek Line from a Wall at
Westminster.
Souldramaton, Acapon, Alphagoose,
Pastiveneson.
In English.
Shoulder of Mutton, a Capon, half a
Goose, Pasty of Venison.
In Dog-Latin at the same
Place.
O mirum Fartum, Perigrinum
Gooseberrytartum.
N. B. Fartum is the only Latin
Word for Pudding: And as far as I can trace it amongst the Antients, there
is no Latin for a Gooseberry-Tart ; so that the Lad who writ it, had no
need to Apologize for making a Word or two : As for Fartum, 'tis allow'd
in our Times ; for we say Fartum pistum, is a baked Pud-ding ; and
Fartum coctum is a boiled Pudding : And if the Boy loved these
Things, what is it to us; let every one mind his own Business.
Brentford at the Red-Lion, the Great
Room.
Says Sir John to my Lady, as
together they sat, Shall we first go to Supper, or do you know what? Dear Sir
John, (with a Smile,) return'd the good Lady, Let us do you know what,
for Supper's not ready.
Bridgenorth, at the Crown.
Jenny had got a Cl-p,
Which was my
Mishap ;
But
(15)
But Doctor R---- set me right,
And
I'm now in good Plight.
January 30. 1720. J.W.
At the Swan at Chelsea, in one of the
Summer-Houses ; supposed to be written by One who lost his Estate in the
South-Sea Year.
Damn the Joke
Of all the Folk:
I've lost my Estate ;
And all Men I hate:
I shall look through a
Grate,
For I see 'tis my Fate.
The Devil take the Bubbles,
I'm in a Pack
of Troubles,
S. B. 1721.
Under this is wrote,
Happy's the Man
That well could scan,
Which way his
Fortune led him :
I have got what he lost,
I am gay while he's cross'd,
So adieu to
good Mr. B----n.
Ha ! ha! ha! 1722.
Upon a Clock in Tavistock-Street,
Covent-Garden, 1712.
I have no Legs, And yet I go and stand
:
And when I stand, I lie ; Witness my Hand ;
Mentiri non est
meum.
From a Window at Spring-Gardens ,
Vaux-Hall.
Exil'd from London, happy could I
live,
Were this my Paradise, and this my Eve,
At
( 16 )
At the Cardinal's-Cap at Windsor. Michael Hunt's Health.
Here's a Health to Mich. Hunt,
And to
Mich. Hunt's Breeches;
And why may not I scratch
Mich.
Hunt,
When Mich. Hunt itches.
The Clock goes as swift as the Hours that
fly,
When together in Bed are my Chloe and I:
But when she is gone, I
bemoan my hard Fate,
It is Millions of Years till she knocks at my
Gate.
Underwritten.
D--n the Clock for its Inconstancy ; to
give
me Moments and Ages in the same Time! O
my Chloe!
R.W. 1720.
From a Window in Chancery-Lane.
Here did I lay my Celia down
;
I got the P-x, and she got half a
Crown.
W.T. 1719.
Underwritten.
Give and take ;
Weight for Inches.
S. R.
From a Bog-House at Hampton-Court,
supposed to be written by a violent Lover.
Oh! that I were a T---d, a
T---d,
Hid in this secret Place,
That I might see my Betsy's
A----,
Though she sh--t me in my Face.
R. M. 1703.
Written under this in a Woman's
Hand.
'Tis Pity but you had your
Wish, E. W.
Not-
( 17)
Nottingham, at the Castle : Jack N— cured.
The Five and twentieth Day of
July,
When Jack with Liquor grew unruly,
In conies Sir Richard
with a Quart,
And drank him till he broke his Heart ;
So down dropp'd
Jack
Upon his Back,
And lay,
Till Day,
And went away.
R. C. July 26, 1716.
Catherine-Wheel, High-Wickham, upon a Window.
Salley's my Toast from Head to
Tail;
Not half so good is Toast and Ale.
J. S. Esq; of
Oriel-College,
Oxon.
Three-pigeons, Brentford, in a Window.
How vain the Hopes of Woman's Love,
While
all their Hearts inconstant prove ;
Nor M---k, nor will Dolly
come ;
Nor Sukey with her thumping B--m ;
Nor Molly with her staring Eyes ;
Nor Nancy with her bouncing
Thighs :
If one don't come, my Curse is this,
That they may never sh--t nor
p-ss.
Six in the Morning, R. R. of Oxford.
Three-Pigeons, Brentford, upon a Drinking-Glass.
pear charming lovely Nancy
L---r,
Thou art my only Toast, I
swear.
T.T. from Coventry, Feb. 13,
1716.
C
On
( 18)
On another at the same Place.
My dearest Sukey
Percivall,
Is all my Toast, and that is
all.
Captain F----l, July 4.
1716.
Red-Lion, at Southwell, in a Window.
Clarinda lay here
With a young
Cavalier ;
With her Heart full of Fear,
For her Husband was near.
L. L.
Feb. 2.
1728.
Written under.
Tis very true ; for we saw Rem-in-Re through the Key-Hole. S.M
J.M. Feb. 3. 1728.
R.H.
Written under.
If the Husband had come,
And had seen his
Wife's B--m,
He'd a known by her Looks,
She'd been playing ----
At Hoy Gammer Cooks.
S.B. March 3. 1728.
Windsor, the White-Hart, in a Window.
Now is my latest Guinea
chang'd,
And gone where it was used to range:
When
that was broke, it broke my Heart ;
For now for ever we must
part,
Unless
(19)
Unless I boldly meet it on the Road,
And
bid the Porter give it me, by G-d.
And so I'll do ;
Tom. Stout
Will see it out.
Feb.
2.
Underwritten.
Win it and take it, says Captain Hector: I defy the bold Robber ; and I have an hundred Guineas that I shall travel with to-morrow.
Feb. 16.
At the Cardinars-Cap in Windsor, on a Window.
J. F. is fifteen, and so charming
her Mien,
Her Eyes are like Brilliants, her Looks
are serene,
And one Kiss from her Lips is worth ten
from a Queen.
Tom. Fool,
1726.
At the same Place, on the Wall.
Never had Mortal greater
Wit
Than I who ever wanted it
;
But now my Wants have made me
scrawl,
And rhyme and write the Devil and
all.
J. Forbes,
1720.
On a Summer-House near Farnham in Surrey.
I, C, U, B
Y Y for me.
J. S.
The Reading of it is supposed to be,
viz. I see you be Too wise for me,
Star-Inn, Coventry.
Tell me where is Fancy bred
?
In the Heart, or in the
Head?
How begot, how nourished?
C2 AN
(20)
ANSWER,
Had not Celia
come this Way,
My
Heart would be my own this Day,
Fancy's engender'd in the Eyes,
With gazing fed
; and Fancy dies
In the same Cradle where it lies ;
For she's a
Wh-re, and I despise.
R.L. 1710.
At the Leg-Tavern, Fleet-Street. We
suppose an Attempt to put the Lives of Adam and Eve, and their Sons, into
Verse.
Mr. Adam he was, the first
Man alive,
And he married a fine young Gentlewoman,
call'd
Mrs. Eve.
And Mr. Adam and Mrs. Eve,
between them twain Got a pretty little Boy, called Master
Cain.
At the Catherine-Wheel at Henley. CLELIA'S Epitaph, who ivas slander'd to Death.
Death, to vindicate her Wrongs,
Gives her
Fame which never dies ;
So the Life that died with Shame,
Lives in Death with
glorious Fame.
R.S. Oct. 1708.
At the same Place.
Three Bottles of
Burgundy, and a
brisk Lass,
With a thousand of Grigs, should it e'er come to pass,
Would
make me behave my self just like an Ass.
L. M. of Oxon,
1709.
From the Temple Bog-House.
No Hero
looks so fierce in Fight,
As does the Man who strains to sh-te.
From
( 21 )
From the Crown at Basingstokc. which
was, in Ben Johnson's Time, the Sign of the Angel, and then inhabited by Mrs.
Hope, and her Daughter Prudence. As Tradition informs us, Ben Johnson was
acquainted with the House ; and in some Time, when he found strange People
there, and the Sign changed, he wrote the following Lines.
When Hope and Prudence kept
this House,
The Angel kept the Door ;
Now Hope is dead,
And the
Angel fled,
And
Prudence turn'd a Whore.
From the Bear at Oxford, by a Gentleman who had been affronted at the Angel.
They are all Bears at the
Angel,
And all Angels at the Bear.
N. B.
There are very pretty Girls at
the Bear. 1710. N.R.
In a Boghouse at
Richmond.
To preserve our good
Health,
Let us let a good F---t ;
It is better
than Wealth,
It will comfort your Heart :
And when you
have done,
With the Crack of your B--m,
Bend your Knees,
And then squeeze,
And
something will come,
You'll be better, tho' it's not so big as
your Thumb.
G. S. 1716.
Crown
(22)
Crown at Basingstoke. Says Nan
B---cb to Sir John, you're a scandalous Villain ;
D'ye think I would do what I did for a
Shilling?
In good Truth, says Sir John, when I find a Girl willing.
Let her take what she finds, and
give Willing for Willing.
But if you insist upon Money for
that,
I need not speak plainer, you know what
is what,
I shall always look on you as a money-wise Cat.
I.
E. July 17.
1713.
Beaconsfield in a Window. I forgot the Sign.
Blow me a Kiss, says a Nymph to her
Swain,
And when I have got it, I'll give it again.
The Swain had been working,
as sometimes Men do,
Till he'd hardly got Breath for to buckle his Shoe;
But
turning around, he let a great F---t,
And blow'd her a Kiss according to
Art.
B.R. 1715.
At the Swan at Chelsea, in a Summer-Honse Window.
Jenny demure, with prudish
Looks,
Turns up her Eyes, and rails at naughty Folks;
But in a private Room, turns up
her lech'rous Tail,
And kisses till she's in for Cakes and Ale.
L.M. July 17. 1727.
Mitre, Hampton,
1708.
Celia, the Joy of all my
Parts,
I kiss'd, and broke ten thousand
Hearts:
There's
( 23)
There's ne'er a Man the Girl will see,
But dearest, dearest, dearest me.
I. H. Esq;
I can boast,
The greatest
Conquest o'er the greatest Toast.
Underwritten.
Proud Puppy, who pretend'st to
find,
A Woman with a constant
Mind,
Surely denotes that Love is
blind.
For I have kiss'd her
myself,
Or else I'm an Elf.
R. C. Fellow-Commoner,
Oxon.
Spinham-Land, in a Window.
Sir John at this
Place
Kiss'd her Grace,
Which he proved Face to
Face.
C.W. April 14.
1710.
Underwritten.
While this was a-doing,
Her Maid I was
wooing :
She did like her Lady,
But made me a Daddy.
J. W. April
12.
1711.
Hampton Court, at the Mitre, 1718.
How have I strove to gain the Fair
?
And yet how little does she care
?
But leaves me starving with
Despair.
'Tib now full Eight,
I fear her Spouse
Has given her a Rendezvous,
Those
(24)
Those five Lines were crossed out; but then follows:
D---mn the first Lines, they are not
mine,
T'abuse a Lady so divine ;
Altho' I waited for her Hours,
I have enjoy'd
her lovely Powers,
Her Wit, her Beauty, and her Sense,
Have fully made m Recompence.
Captain
R. T. July 10.
1710.
Underwritten.
Friend Captain T,
If thou can'st C,
Mind what I have to say to
thee,
Thy Strumpet Wh--re
abominable,
Which thou didst kiss upon a
Table,
Has made thy manly Parts
unable.
Farewel, &c. Z.
B.
Toy, at Hampton-Court,
1708.
D---n Molley H——ns for her
Pride,
She'll suffer none but Lords to ride :
But why the Devil should I care,
Since I can find another Mare ?
L. M. August.
Star-Inn at Coventry, in a Window.
Letter to Will S---rs, Esq;
Dear Will, I ever will
Be at your
will,
Whene'er you will,
And where you will ;
So
( 25 )
So that your Will
Be Good-Will,
I never
will Dispute your Will -
But give you Will For Will.
At this Time,
At all Times,
Or any Time,
But such Times
As bad Times:
For Lemon Thyme,
Or Common Time,
Or Tripple Time,
Are not.
Times Like your Times
And my Times For Pastimes.
Then betimes Suit your
Time To my Time ;
Or my Time Is lost Time.
I wish you well,
And hope you're well,
As
I am well;
So all's well
That ends well ;
Then
farewell.
R. B. April 17.
1714.
Star at Coventry, on a
Window.
Drunk at Comb-Abbey, horrid drunk
;
Hither I came, and met my fav'rite Punk.
D
But
(26)
But she as well might have embrac'd a
Log,
All Night I snor'd, and grunted like a Hog
Then was not I a sad confounded
Dog!
R. H.
I'll never get drunk again.
For my Head's
full of Pain,
Ana it grieves me to think,
That by Dint of good Drink,
I should
lie with my Phillis in vain.
R.H. 1712.
Salisbury, the Kings Arms, on the
Wall.
Here was a 'Pothecary's
Wife,
Who never lov'd her Spouse in all her
Life ;
And for want of his
Handle,
Made use of a Candle :
------Light as a Feather,
To bring Things together.
S. C. 1710.
Underwritten.
Thou Fool, 'twas done for want of Sense,
I tickl'd her Concupiscence :
And that is enough to save her
Credit.
S. B. 1712.
Under this is wrote.
From the Story above,
The Girls that love
Have learn'd the Use
of Candles ;
And since that, by
Jove,
And the God of Love,
We have lost the Use
of Handles.
W. S-----pe, Feb. 2.
1714.
Stock-
(27 )
Stockbridge, at the King's Head.
Salley Stukely is the prettiest
Girl in England,
I wish I was to play a Game with her
single-hand.
R.S.
Windsor, at the Cardinal's-Cap.
Now my Sun is retired,
My Heart is all fired ;
My
Sylvias lost
And I am toss'd,
Into Love's Flames,
What shall I do to gain her
?
Sure something must restrain
her,
Or else she'd come.
Then I'm undone.
Help me, dear
Cupid,
Or I shall grow stupid ;
And if you won't help me,
Then
Bacchus protect
me.
R. M. 1709.
Greyhound, at Maidenhead.
Dear Doll is a
Prude,
And I tumbled her down ;
And I tickled
her Fancy
For half a Crown.
R. M----r, July 17.
1714.
At the same Place. CHLOE's
Character.
Her Voice is as clear as the Stream ;
Her
Character light as the Sun ;
Her Dealings are hard as a Stone ;
But her Promise
as sure as a Gun.
A. P--pe,
1712.
D 2
At
( 28 )
At the same Place.
A Hog, a Monkey, and an
Ass,
Were here last Night to drink a
Glass,
When all at length it came to
pass,
That the Hog and the
Monkey,
Grew so drunkey,
That both were ready to kiss the A--se of
Tom. Dingle. April 17. 1710.
At the White-Hart, Windsor.
How do I fear my Lover will not come
;
And yet I bid him not:
But should he come,
Then let him read
------
Let Man — r--ing love on,
I will
requite thee,
Taming my wild
Heart to thy loving Hand.
If thou dost love, my Kindness shall
incite thee,
To bind our Loves up in a holy Band.
Anns Oph---lia,
1708.
Salisbury, at the King's-Arms ;
seemingly to give the Reason why Miles seem shorter in one Place than
another.
When I set out from London, I
tramp'd on the Way,
I was brisk, and my Courage and Heart was
full gay;
So I fancy'd my Journey was nothing but
Play,
But as I went forward, a Day or two
longer,
The Miles seem'd more lengthen'd as
I
grew less stronger,
And I wish'd in this Case to grow younger
and younger.
S, O. Oct. 17 1717. I walk'd all
the Way between London and Excter.
At
( 29 )
At the Crown at Harlow.
When Daizies gay, and Violets blue,
And
Cowslips with their yellow Hue,
And Lady's Smocks of Silver white,
Faint all the
Meadows with Delight,
Then shall I meet my charming Fair,
On ouzy Banks to take
the Air 5
There shall we taste delicious Love,
Equal to what is known
Above.
R. T. April 14.
1716.
Upon a Window at the Old Crown at Ware
in Hertfordshire ; supposed to be wrote by a slighted
Lover.
Go you false and faithless Fair,
Gods
above forbid my Fate,
First me Joys you do prepare,
Then you
Sorrows do create ;
For 'tis the Nature of your Sex,
First to pleasure, then
perplex,
Happy's he without your Smiles.
Ever-blest he lives content;
In exorbitant Exiles,
Never can his Fate
repent ;
All his Wishes and Desires,
To destroy Love's burning
Fires.
R. C. June 14.
1731.
At the Crown at Epping.
Tom. Rudge won the Hat from George Redman.
April 17. 1714.
He lifted with such Might and Strength,
As would have hurl'd him twice his Length,
And
(30)
And dash'd his Brains (if any)
out:
But Mars that still protects the stout,
In Pudding-Time came to his
Aid.
Well done Tom; and George
was a clever Fellow too. C.H 1714.
Sent to the Compiler from a
Drinking-Glass at Pontack's-Head Tavern in Fleet-Street.
Might all my Wishes but propitious prove,
And all my Wants supply'd by mighty Jove ;
Give me dear
W-----rs, and I'll
ask no more,
But think her dearer than the golden
Shower.
C.M.
Sent to the Compiler from the same. From the Bog-House at Pancras-Wells.
Hither I came in haste to sh-t,
But found
such Excrements of Wit,
That I to shew my Skill in Verse,
Had scarcely Time to
wipe my A—se.
Underwritten.
D--n your Writing,
Mind your Sh-t-ng.
On a Wainscoat, at the Crown at Harlow.
Whilst Lady Mary slept at Ease,
Secure from Jealousy and Fleas,
Her Lord with vig'rous Love inclin'd,
To kiss
her Maid, and ease his Mind:
The Maiden did not long resist,
But gently yielded
to be kist ;
And in the Dance of Lovers move,
With sprightly Bounds to shew her
Love .
When in the Height of am'rous Fire,
She cry'd, my Lord, I've one
Deslre,
Tell
(31)
Tell me, my Peer, tell me, my Lord,
Tell
me, my Life, upon your Word,
Who does it best, my Dame or me ?
And then she Fell
in Extasy.
My Lord in Fire of his Love,
Call'd her his Minion, Turtle Dove
;
You have the only Art to please,
All this he swore upon his Knees:
Your Dame is like a Log of Wood,
Her Love is never half so good.
My Lord, says
she, all that I know ;
For all the World has told me
so.
S-----d----rs, April,
1717.
In a Barber's Shop.
Will. ------- always fights with
his Cunning,
Whilst one Foot stands still, th'other is
running.
At the Sugar-Loaf in Bell-Yard, Temple-Bar.
If Venus, or if Bacchus, be
my Boast,
Claret's, my Liquor, and Miss
C-----my Toast,
Upon all the Windows of Note on the
Roads.
If one Stone splits the most obdurate
Glass,
Why needs there two to split a pretty L- -Is.
Underwritten.
Thou Fool, I say, you never yet did
know,
A L--ss was split without the Use of two.
R.F.
Underwritten.
Nor that neither.
M.L.
From
(32)
From a Bog-House at Hampstead.
Hard Stools proceed from costivc Claret ;
Yet mortal Man cannot forbear it.
So Childbed-Women, full of Pain,
Will grunt
and groan, and to't again.
At Hampstead, in a Window.
Gammer Sprigins had gotten a
Maidenhead,
And for a Gold Guinea she brought it to Bed;
But I found by
embracing that I was undone;
'Twas a d---n'd p-ck-y Wh-re, just come from
London.
R,L. 1710.
A strange Thing written upon a Glass Window in Queen Elizabeth's Time.
I, C, S, X, O, Q, P, U.
This must be left to the
Decypherers.
Pancras Bog-House.
If Smell of T---d makes Wit to
flow,
Laud 1 what would eating of it
do.
From the Temple Bog-House.
If you design to sh--te at
Ease,
Pray rest your Hands upon your
Knees.
And only give a gentle
squeeze.
FINIS.
N. B. A Third Part of this Work being in the Press, we intreat our kind Correspondents would be speedy in sending their Letters to J. ROBERTS.