Up-To-Date Toasts (1912)

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UP-TODATE

TOASTS

FORALLOCCASIONS

COMPILED BY

ECLEWI3

THE MVTVAL BOOK-COMPANY

PUBLISHERS

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BOSTON

MAS 3.

M UP-T0-DATE*T0AST6

Gbe Iboet

(GENTLEMEN:

Fill your glasses till the beaded bubbles at the brim topple over. This is a toast that to honor is a sacred duty. I give you the health of our host — God bless him!

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*|KAPPY the man, and happy he alone,

Who can call to-day his own — He who, secure within, can say: " To-morrow do thy worst, for I have lived to-day."

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if F I were a raindrop, and you a leaf, i^ I would burst from the cloud above \f$^

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you,

And lie on your breast in a rapture of rest. And love you — love you — love you!

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2J MIGHTY pain to love, it is;

And 'tis a pain, that pain to miss; But, of all pains, the greatest pain, It is to love and love in vain.

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'EftON'T worry about the future, Vja \ The present is all thou hast;

Pi Ij j The future will soon be present, ukji And the present will soon be past.

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AY you be the same good fellow, Genial spirit, man and friend, '$. Till the shadows fall and lengthen, And earth's beaten trail shall end.

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IKERE'S to God's first thought,

"J "Man!"

Here's to God's second thought, "Woman!" ifWt Second thoughts are always best, !/v=j";' So here's to Woman!

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/ll\AY you live as long as you like,

And have what you like as long as you live!

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(TOM PEL me not to toe the mark,

Be ever prim and true, But rather let me do those things That I ought not to do.

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7TO my sweetheart!

She's not a goddess, an angel, a lily, or a pearl: She's just that which is sweetest, com-

pletest, and neatest, — A dear little, queer little, sweet little girl!

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iKERE'S to those who love us,

Not to those whom we love! For those whom we love May not love us.

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j^ FRIEND that is Social, Good Natur'd and Free, To a pot of my liquor Right welcome shall be. But he that is Proud Or ill Natur'd may Pass By my Door to an Alehouse And Pay for his Glass!

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HTET us drink to the thought that where'er a man roves He is sure to find something that's blissful and dear; And that when he is far from the lips that he loves He can always make love to the lips that are near!

gf THMYIDATE, f TOAST,!

IIF I were a brown bee, and you were ■**=»./$ a rose,

| jij I would fly to you, love, nor miss you; I I would sip and sip from your nectared

lip, > And kiss you — kiss you — kiss you 1

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TTO woman's love, — to man's not akin; For her heart is a home, while his heart is an inn!

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TjjfJIHEN Father Time swings round his scythe, Entomb me 'neath the bounteous vine, So that its juices, red and blythe,

May cheer these thirsty bones of mine.

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N ' THERE'S health to the maiden, and 31^; health to the dame,

^ )>f And health to the gay little widow, the \v ^iy\ same; [Bv,

^ ~* May the maid become dame, the dame WJi

v&ki May the widow be made to get married

widow, and then — f the wi again!

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'$ 1W^^'^to tne &r^ w^°can co°^anc^

(0M sew»

<!jm<!il Who can pay her own way, and hoe her tits'1 jj|pyjjj own row;

gi J'Vi? She makes a good sweetheart, and makes

a good wife,

And makes a good mother, you just bet

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il^ERE'S to Love,—that disease which begins with a fever and ends with a yawn!

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jjjftRINK to the press, but do not press

to drink The gentleman whose task is " slinging ink." They're usually men of sober views. And never should be full — of aught but news.

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*ff%ERE'S to the lying lips we meet,

For truthful lips are bores; But lying lips are very sweet, When lying close to yours.

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71jfl]E have most of us heard of that sweet wedded bliss — Of two hearts that are beating as one And two souls with a single thought sealed with a kiss — And have wondered, perhaps, how 'twas done.

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But to those who have been by experience taught This effect is not hard to explain, For in most of the cases that " one single thought"— Is — "I wish T were single again."

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WflHO loves not women, wine and song,

HUM- Will be a fool his whole life long.

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CJOME men want youth and others health,

Some from a wife will often shrink; Some men want wit and others wealth —

May we want nothing but to drink.

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jVI- 7yrflHILE there's life on the lips, K<h, While there's warmth in the

wine, One deep health I'll pledge And that health shall be thine.

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7THEN once again before we part

My empty glass shall ring; And he that has the warmest heart Shall loudest laugh and sing.

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kERE'S to the woman who has a smile for every joy, a tear for every sorrow, a consolation for every grief, an excuse for every fault, a prayer for every misfortune, an encouragement for every hope.

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7THERE'S many a toast I'd like to say

If I could only think it; So fill your glass to any thing,

And thank the Lord, I'll drink it!

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IKERE'S to the chaperone!

May she learn from Cupid Just enough blindness To be sweetly stupid!

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/IISAY Fortune still be kind to you, And Happiness be true to you, And Life be long and good to you. Is the toast of all your friends to you.

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OU and I are far too wise Not to fill our glasses. Here's to thee and here's to me And here's to all our lasses.

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*JjERE'S to the merry old world

And the days — be they bright or blue — Here's to the Fates, let them bring what they may, But the best of them all — that's you!

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%|ERE'S to you, my dear,

And to the dear that's not here, my |j£j[i|| dear; But if the dear that's not here, my dear, Were here, my dear, I'd not be drinking to you, my dear.

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IMERE'S a toast to the host who

carved the roast, And a toast to the hostess-ever roast us.

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^ERE'S to a pat Hand of Queens: |[

Mother, Wife, Sister and Sweetheart; the noblest of all God's creations — pure, beautiful woman.

•IKERE'S to the Rose that buds and grows — Pluck it and call it your own, For the rose may fade, and so will the maid, If she lives too long alone.

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/■SAY friendship, like wine, improve as time advances, and may we always have old wine, old friends, and young cares.

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•ff\ERE'S to woman, present and past,

And those who come hereafter; But if one comes here after us, We'll have no cause for laughter.

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HH, my beloved, fill the Cup that

clears To-day of past Regrets and future

Fears: To-morrow! — why To-morrow I may

be Myself with Yesterday's sev'n thousand

Years!

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7TO that curious thing called Love

Which comes like a dove From heaven above

To some;

While to others it flits

And scatters their wits

And gives 'em all fits,

By gum!

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'i ^ftERE'S t0 ^ Bachelor, so lonely and gay, For it's not his fault he was born that

% , way;

And here's to the spinster, so lonely and

she hath done

good, For it's not her fault what she could.

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O 1ftERE'S to you, old friend, may you live a thousand years. Just to sort of cheer things in this vale of human tears; M And may I live a thousand, too — a 'A thousand — less a day,

j; 'Cause I wouldn't care to be on earth / |I and hear you'd passed away.

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if iFP-TO-DAIErTQ/L.....

7THE ladies — bless 'em — it beats all, When they are young and squallers, Their hearts are set upon the doll — When grown, upon the dollars.

J^ERE'S to the girl I love,

And here's to the girl who loves me, And here's to all those who love her whom I love And all those who love her who love

me.

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^1S for the women, though

We scorn and flout 'em,

We may live with, but not

Without them.

TO A S.T ^

7THE Ladies — We admire them for

their beauty, respect them for their

intelligence, adore them for their virtue,

and love them because we can't help it.

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^mjJOMAN —A Mistress of Arts, ,>y , who robs a bachelor of his degree, 1 )f\) and forces him to study philosophy by means of curtain lectures.

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^fejERE'S to the girl who's bound to win Her share at least of blisses, Who knows enough not to go in, When it is raining" kisses.

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9fc| ERE'S to the lasses we've loved, my J" * lad,

Here's to the lips we've pressed; For of kisses and lasses, Like liquor in glasses, The last is always the best.

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7ITT1HILE we live, let's live in clover, For when we're dead, we're dead all over.

*ft30 one bulldog yet could eat Every other bulldog's meat; If you have a good sized bone, Let the other dog alone.

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QAS'TO

ip^ERE'S to women who are tender,

Here's to women who are slender, Here's to women who are large, and

fat, and red; Here's to women who are married, Here's to women who have tarried, Here's to women who are speechless — but they're dead!

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•vtf^it iP^"' ^e k°w^ w'tn flowing wine,

Wffl ^nc* wm^e y°ur ^ps are wet»

r " Press their fragrance into mine And forget. Every kiss we take and give Leaves us less of life to live.

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JIND fill them high with generous juice,

As generous as your mind; And pledge me in the generous toast —

" The whole of human kind I "

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^f ET schoolmasters puzzle their brain With grammar and nonsense and learning; Good liquor, I stoutly maintain, Gives genius a better discerning.

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EAVE politics to statesmen and thinkers, But be jolly here with merry drinkers.

£JJ WOMAN ! in our hours of ease,

Uncertain, coy, and hard to please And variable as the shade By the light quivering aspen made; When pain and anguish rack the brow, A ministering angel thou!

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T^ISGUISE our bondage as we will, 'Tis a woman rules us still.

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iKERE'S to our wives and our sweethearts. May our wives always remain our sweethearts And our sweethearts some day become our wives.

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/n\AY we never have friends who, like jji

shadows, keep close to us in the >j^»-sunshine, only to desert us on a cloudy day or in the night!

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♦IKERE'S to the maid with a form \ divine,

From her foot to the top of her head; Providing she doesn't take half of it oft

Before she gets ready for bed.

gl DINNER, coffee and cigars,

Of friends, a half a score, Each favorite vintage in its turn, — What man could wish for more?

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IKERE'S to Love, a thing so divine; Description makes it but the less. 'Tis what we feel but cannot define, 'Tis what we know but cannot express.

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Jl GLASS is good, a lass is good,

And a pipe to smoke in cold weather. The world is good and the people are good, And we're all good fellows together.

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IKERE'S to good old whiskey,

So amber and so clear; It's not so sweet as a woman's lips, But a d-------sight more sincere.

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/TOME in the evening, or come in the

morning, Come when you're looked for or come

without warning; A thousand welcomes you'll find here

before you, And the oftener you come here the more

we'll adore you.

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flfet ERE'S to the land of the shamrock so green,

Here's to each lad and his darling colleen,

Here's to the ones we love dearest and most,

And may God save old Ireland; that is an Irishman's toast,

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E'S to the man who loves his

wife,

And loves his wife alone,

For many a man loves another man's |(j^y^

wife, wVtfh

When he ought to be loving his own. ifmm

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*fl WJLL drink to the woman who I|/f\

wrought my woe Kffu

In the diamond morning of long ago; t

To the splendor caught from the orient |

skies lk)§M

That thrilled in the dark of her hazel |ji

eyes, [j.^ Her large eyes filled with the fire of the f

south, ,tv I

And the dewv wine of her warm red I \\)k

mouth. ' MJj

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(J)LD Mother Nature tells us all,

'Tis the only drink for her sons below; His heart and hand can never fail Whose drink is only Adam's ale.

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,H\RINK to fair woman, who, I think,

Is most entitled to it, For if anything ever can drive me to drink, She certainly could do it.

ERE'S a toast to all who are here, No matter where you're from; May the best day you have seen Be worse than your worst to come.

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9WERE'S to a long life and a happy

one, A quick death and a happy one, A good girl and a pretty one, A cold bottle and another one.

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' v *^RINK to-day and drown all sorrow; ifvN 'You shall perhaps not do't to-mor-

row;

Best while you have it, use your breath;

There is no drinking after death.

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1-IpILL the bumper fair! every drop we *^ sprinkle

O'er the brow of Care smooths away a wrinkle.

IJP-T0-DAmfT0.4STvS

ONG Life to the Grape! for when

summer has flown, The age of our nectar shall gladden our

own: We must die — who shall not ? — may

our sins be forgiven, And Hebe shall never be idle in Heaven.

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fl^ERE'S to the woman whose heart and whose soul Are the light and the life of each spell we pursue; Whether sunn'd at the Tropics or chilled at the Pole, If women be there, there is happiness too.

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^ -ipOR let her be clumsy, or let her be fck slim,

Young or ancient, I care not a feather; So fill up a bumper, nay fill to the brim,

Let us toast all the ladies together.

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Sf^ERE'S long life and prosperity, To you and all your posterity, And those that don't drink with sincerity May they be damned to eternity.

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^WERE'S to those who'd love us

If we only cared. Here's to those we'd love, If we only dared.

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71jriE go out of this world, we know

not where, But if we're good fellows here, we'll be thoroughbreds there.

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TTHE Rhine by moonlight's a beautiful W sight, When the wind whispers low thro' the vines: But give me some good old rathskellar at night Where the brilliant electric light shines. The poets may think it's delightful to hear The nightingale piping his lay; Give me a piano, a cold stein of beer, And a fellow who knows how to play.

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'-TO-PATF^ TOAST

TTHERE'S a dear little plant that grows in our isle; 'Twas St. Patrick himself, sure, that set it, And the sun on his labor with pleasure did smile, And a tear from his eye often wet it. It grows through the bog, through the brake, through the mireland, And they call it the dear little Shamrock of Ireland.

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]!■ 7T0ASTS of love to the timid dove E Are always going 'round;

Let mine be heard by the untamed bird, And make your glasses sound.

7THE Ladies — God bless 'em, And may nothing distress 'em.

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^ GOOD wife and health Are a man's best wealth.

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HJmHAT'S a table richly spread Without a woman at its head?

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CHEERFULNESS and Fortitude: — May we never give way to melancholy, but always be merry at the right places.

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,ERE'S to the girl that's good and VMj sweet,

"'"i! Here's to the girl that's true,

V(\//f Here's to the girl that rules my heart I)'C$j In other words, Here's to you.

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j j[}ERE'S to the girl I love, >W?j I wish that she were nigh:

*M If drinking beer would bring her here, ^ I'd drink the whole place dry.

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0UR Noble Selves: — Why not toast ourselves; and praise ourselves; || since we have the best means of knowing all the good in ourselves.

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*ffl\ERE'S to woman: she needs no eulogy, she speaks for herself.

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J! CHEERFUL glass, a pretty lass,

A friend sincere and true; Blooming health, good store of wealth Attend on me and you.

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*}f JET'S be gay, right while we may And seize all love with laughter, I'll be true as long as you And not a moment after.

1KAPPY are we met, Happy have we

been, Happy may we part, and Happy meet again.

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WIOMAN — Let us not forget that wherever man is most enlightened, she is most respected and beloved.

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QOME hae meat and canna' eat,

And some wad eat who want it; But we hae meat and we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit.

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T T- IO-Lm L tTQ43T5

TTHE ladies, God bless them! what would we do without them — that nearer, clearer, dearer heaven of stars! In their smiles lie our sunshine, in their tears our anguish, in their beauty our heartaches. To the ladies we owe all the refining influences of our lives. They are the bright flowers by the wayside, the quite too too tenderly utter beings, who make, mar, and marry us.

Then here, gentlemen, is my response to the toast of The Ladies. May they ever shine like stars in our firmament, never cease to captivate us, and, when we deserve it, of rewarding us. The ladies, God bless them!

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Home

WN abode wherein the inmate, the superior being called man, can pay back at night, with fifty per cent, interest, every annoyance that he has met with during the day.

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7THE only spot on earth where the faults and failings of humanity are hidden under a mantle of charity.

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7THE golden setting In which the brightest jewel Is " Mother."

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[ TTHE place where you are treated best and grumble most.

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TTHE father's kingdom; the child's f^iji paradise; the mother's world.

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*^HE world has a million roosts for us, but only one nest — home.

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flfclERE'S health to Columbia, the pride

' of the earth,

The Stars and Stripes — drink the land of our birth!

Toast the army and navy, who fought for our cause,

Who conquered and won us our freedom and laws.

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MERE'S to the American Eagle: The liberty bird that permits no liberties.

sta'.C'.t.'!

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/B\AY it be no North, no South, no y- East, no West, but only one broad,

ij\\\ beautiful, glorious land.

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(WJR Country — May she always be m the right — but our country, right or wrong. — Stephen Decatur.

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7TO her we drink, for her we pray,

Our voices silent never; For her we'll fight, come what come may, The Stars and Stripes forever!

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O North, no South, no East, no West,

no one can say who loves it best; Each loyal heart it thrills to see this

Emblem of the Free. Those stripes of red, that field of blue,

those stars that sparkle like the dew, Our joy and pride shall ever be, this flag

of liberty.

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^UR hearts, our hopes are all with

thee, Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our

tears. Our faith triumphant o'er our fears, Are all with thee, are all with thee.

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M\S

P l(J)UR National Birds — The American Eagle, the Thanksgiving Turkey. May one give us peace in all our

states — And the other a piece for all our plates.

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|AY our nation ever enjoy the blessings of the widest liberty, and be ever ready to promote the liberties of mankind.

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Zhc fair Bribe

/|I\AY her voyage through life be as

happy and as free As the dancing waves on the deep blue sea.

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Zbc flewls Webbefc

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|AY their joys be as deep as the *•< /.I ocean, l!

And their misfortune as light as its foam.

URTODA^

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Zbe Bribe anb Bribecjroom

TfET us drink to their health and prosperity; may they have a joyous bridal trip, and may their journey through life be over a pleasant road without any embarrassment that energy and love cannot easily overcome.

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Gbe "Ibapps Couple

AY we all live to be present at their Golden Wedding.

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Crystal Mebblng

U$J MERE'S that they will not find the laps} friendship of their guests as brittle

/y as their gifts.

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Bon Voyage

WHERE'S to the Bride and the Groom! May you have a happy honeymoon, May you lead a happy life, May you have a bunch of money soon, And live without all strife.

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Webbing Hnniversarie

7THIS is indeed an occasion where a speech is utterly unnecessary, for the fact of our being here speaks so eloquently, that the words even of a Demosthenes or a Cicero would fall flat, stale, and unprofitable.

Ladies and gentlemen, just cast a glance at that happy man, our host, and that beautiful lady, our hostess. See the " heavenly assenting smile " that speaks of the tenderest devotion, of a happiness those who wed whom they love, alone can know. The sunshine of unalloyed felicity is a nimbus to their lives,

8S3RS

and it is well that, as the clock strikes another year upon their wedded bliss, we should be here to congratulate and say God bless them both.

That their journey of life will be always as smooth as it is now, and that they may ever be protected from storm and strait, is the sentiment I would couple with the health of our dear

friends, Mr. and Mrs.-------, on this the

anniversary of their wedding.

ji^-,:.-.v(

Crystal waebbins

*ffN this age of transparency, when glass has arrived at such perfection, it behooves us upon this, the anniversary of the crystal wedding of our dear friends, to "hold the mirror up to nature," and let them view themselves in the glass we now place before them. The lady smiles, as well she may, for Time's glass has not shaken out a single sand, and the fifteen years that have passed since she made our host the happiest of men, have left scarce a trace upon her pellucid brow.

The crystals which we present our

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dear friends upon this auspicious and delightful occasion are but a type of the transparency and brightness of their lives. May they never look on life " as through a glass, darkly." May the goblets which stand upon the festive board ever brim with the nectar distilled from love and harmony, and may these glass pitchers, and bowls, and decanters serve as crucibles through which their silver and golden anniversaries may yet be passed, and in this joyous and sympathetic company.

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' IIP-TO.DMLtTOA.ST^ A

Silver Meting

^fADIES and Gentlemen:

On a certain day just twenty-five years ago, a certain lady and gentleman entered for the race of life, and they have, I am delighted to declare, won the plate. Behold it! [Points to gifts.] They have, to continue the parlance of the turf, run neck and neck, and come in to this the winning-post in the easiest of possible canters« Ladles and gentlemen, let us drink to the winners, and let us earnestly hope that they may be matched for the gold plate, and that we

may be present when the " little event" comes off.

Ladies and gentlemen, need we say how deeply we congratulate our dear friends? Is not this occasion a lesson to maids and bachelors? Never were there words more applicable, " Go and do likewise." I shall conclude, for I see that you are all eager to do honor to my toast, by quoting Sheridan:

" Ah, sure a pair were never seen So justly formed to meet by nature."

Their healths — God bless them!

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TOASTS

<5olben Mebbing

7THIS is indeed a grand occasion, and one which, while it brings joy and thankfulness to our hearts, bears with it one of the most beautiful and touching lessons in the book of life.

Our respected and venerable friends have indeed reached the golden age of maturity. Hand in hand have they ascended the hill, hand in hand are they descending into the valley, a valley lighted with the undying and unshifting lamp of faithfulness, love, and devotion. What a privilege for us to be here to witness this beautiful sight, to see

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bride and bridegroom of to-day in soul, in heart, the bride and bridegroom of this day half a century ago!

Time has sown fresh flowers in their dear old hearts; time has garlanded their brows with choicest flowers; time has but mellowed their affections, which, like good wine, has but improved with age.

We have come here to felicitate them upon the fiftieth anniversary of their marriage, to wish them many a long year yet before they snap the golden link that bound them together; that their bark may sail upon a golden sea, and that their sunset may be golden, is our united sentiment.