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A
Banquet
Dainties
for
Strong Stomachs
Aw»d by no shame, by bo respect control^!,
la scandal busy, is reproaches bold ;
With witty malkt,* studious to de&»»
Scorn all \m joy, and ktigbter all his aim.
Pope*$ Hmier*
ST PAUL S MISFORTUNE.
From Sir James Balfour's MSS.
Before our cleargie did of marriage taist,
St Faille a fyne prick had, for Paule liv'd chast;
But after quhen the Church once carnall titra'd,
Hes speare took fjm, and all hes prick was bura'd
T his to&si! fifti*h ii£&rtv sislST still b&nxoii&s*
Till die a prick sees tyse on Paul's new stones,
II.
ON CHAB3LES II. HIS AMOURS THE T¥ME
OF THE DUTCH WARS,
1686.
Imbdlis, imbelles amas, belloque repugsw,
Et btllatori sunt tibi bella thorl.
w^B^^mm^t^^m^mmmm^^ **p*™*r* -
J. JL JL 9
THE COURT OF HOLYROOD.
1680.
It I, dear friend, each night the Court did haunt,
Jkn those who business, or employment want,
1 could not be so dull, but have such notes
As might thee please on their intrigues and plotts,
Yet take now the result of idle hours,
A brief account of our chief Court amours,
ilsbieh shall consist in a short observation,
Of those our l^adies Misses most in fashion,
A nd of their gallants make some joint remarks,
Hiose fop fond Im rs, our gay gaudy sparks.
First, then, of the kind ones who bears the grie*
All condiscend it is my Lady Lee 5
For she with Boxburgh, Turner, Hamilton,
------downward thence, even t© dancing Dune ;
But when her burning lust b >ils up to rage,
Sbe--—— with dildoe, ——• with her own page.
Then «*** to her ..Mines Lady Mary Gordon,
Who never spares to |ett both Laird and Lord on,
With her my Lad|: Ckford once contended,
But now she thinks her life is much amended,
Since she, dear saint, for g<*od of her own ?aul.
—— only bow with Mr Harry Maul ;
s
Bui so©» as sh# is ilowager erf Pinkaithmd,
§be*i yieW tie? 1$** *o Lady Mtigwet Maitfand,
Who, poor kind creature, so improves her talent,
She ne'er refuses a new preferred gallant;
Aud that ber love more priocely may appear, *
C! arles the id once reign'd witb her His year;
But not long so, for she hath now adopt on
That generous generall gallant the Laird of Hopton,
Who's now m brisk since lie retura'd from France,
Does all the — trade at Court enhance.
Her sister Lady Anne next to herself,
By my Lord Murray's f—d, then Philadelph,
Who ever of the bretbereti was a lover, ,
As witness that Lord and his younger brother.
But now with roe, you might have a just quarrel,
If I should haTe forgot my Lady Erroil,
But no great marvell if I mist her,
For with themselves they scarce will list her,
They say she's now grown old, quite past Eer flowers.
And think it fit to turne her out of doors,
To think on the past pleasures she has had,
And to the next succeeding age turn bawd;
But maugre all, her Ladyship thinks not so,
But will with witt truck on a year or two,
And by*t, and malice, all their plotts undoe,
Which to their Ladyships breeds so much evil,
With one consent they wish her at the devil,
And swears who rides her now, must ride a Cross-ford,
Which makes her that she's only------by Gossford.
Then after her compear the l%pda of Honour;
fin* mM*J* 1*** ****** Hi© Dttke leaps on her,
I dare say nothing, bnt hasten tborrow,
Whm ^ie is — by my Lord Cb&riea Murray.
itor Temple mask Has wasiof *~~«8A8f#,
Unless she please to venture the grand care,
For she Mb quitt the name of Maid of Honour,
And coupled with a &fn«fi $m &** *» k«r»
A needless wish, were she once cured its granted,
®m% make tea cuckold, for thfc tyrae she wasted,
The common fate «f marriage, 0od be thanked.
jjiniiiiniiiiiMiii m.m
IV.
A SATY» OH TUB *RIHCE Of GRAHGE, HIS
PRIMCRS AHB HER SISTER, &€.
From Eoberi Mylne's to MS. (p, 315.)
Whiles William wan Nassena,
With his Bentifig Bardasena,
Are at the old Game of Gomora*
Wise Tullia his wife, ;
More pious of life,
With fferewsbery drives away sorrow
Hfiffii^i
Did serve for a
So gifted in RadkaU
Yet think ii not
Her j>ail«t should
Upon iwr new thif&ig fee*
If yee (fab* it»t J« ptcr,
May be scant in his geeiy
To match w** date* «£ Jfawot
That the Line may »ot faill
To secure her Intottll,
3ie hes put to bar Stuart, Leven, •
It's not th* first time,
He has been put to ryme,
For achi Yemen ts ©£ Vewst sad Mars,
As witness Mt fright,
When la th* patch fight,
His Lordihip Wl low on hiss arse,
Our all eatting Nansie,
With more stomack than faneie,
Made choice of the orthodox tarse,
Opening to all fools
Well furnish'd w* tools,
Her owe insignificant arse,
;
* His C'LiinbUp^a*) Stuart of ber hon». B, M.
A 2
6
That fiuch dreges should spring,
From Ae Mm ef ft King,
Could never be in nature possible,
His dam surely stole
A leap in the wrong hole,
AM dropt out this prince impossible.
Hae nature distrest,
Was never sae blest,
By two cuples tins put together,
Who the Popft to abjure,
And Cdviae team
Have turned out est uncle and father.
But tliia is the breed
Tq &m Crown mm£ succeed,
By a figure f-?Up*ed Abdication,
Which in English to say,
Is the fraptuft to sway
By a sanctif td Dutch usurpation.
For the rest of the crew,
If eiposcd to view,
So fiat hf and various the throng,
Of Till*,, so great,
No age can relate,
It would pull 0ut nv? ballad too long,
■ . ?
Baiof Cbarchhillandaii,
|?njm ti» great to ike small,
Both of Statesmen and Shiras sac fearce,
There tnorallj and live*,
There sisters and wives,
Vou may hear of in prose and in verse,
EPITAPH ON LADY CROMABTY.
From & vine's Uo, MS.
lap't here the Mes was one© a tooting dame,
By choice dM Tarhat's nurse, the store's her ^hamt,
Ere yet the down snistach'd mjr c—t,
I match'd a youth that well could chint.
More knit in years, I joyned dry bones
With a soft pisol and sidt hung stones.
Th«n what I might I would not do€,
Now that I care I want a mow,
Hymen, my youth on him restore,
Whose tarn lay bobbing at my door.
"Who would, dear man, would wonderous fmn
Have passage found, but ptish'd in vain,
«'
VI.
A GOD LIE BAL-JLAD.
T& the Turn of ** MMtimkro Boneiara, ©r Bannocks #f
From an anonymous ME in the Advocate' Library.
Great Meldram is gone, let Webster succeeds
A rare expounder of Scripture and Creed,
Who's learning is nonsense, who's temper Is ted,
Its predestination that made him so mad.
Tak ye seme nets of Webster's evangelb,
That the rren of Sodom did bugar the angels;
And God . ia<k man on purpose to damn 1dm,
By a fixed decree, and weall It becam him,
By Algeb a he makes it appear to be true,
Three dem and a half posr-^sat etjie sow;
With pryde and great passion he is ower mastered,
Nor lies he yet satisfied for his own bastard,
But for all these cryms he now is exculpat,
For zeal against Kings and Frelats ir pulpite ?
He casts out feirce darts, most lyke the old Dragone,
And compts on set forms as popish and pagane/
Instead of the Gospel!, he preaches opinion,
With no church on Earth he holdeth communion ;
t
The Union of Brittane be still bes abbor'd,
His nether and upper % doe not accord.
He speweth out venose in speaking and writting, (
His mouth's like his a——, when f ,-g and a——g;
. X5et him a leade cappe then, and writt him upon it,.
For * bedlamite Doctor his is a fitt bonet.
Being full of himself, be is now hie and mightie,
He is such a grave saint, and yet hes a Bghtie;
T hough his head be figitt his carcase is besvfe,
His bellie a midden of sack, flesh, and gTavie.
The whole tftne of Lent he is a great feaster,
Good frydaj to bim is lyk other men's Easter;
His kyte and his bellie doth plainlie assure us,
That he is a disciple of old Epicurus.
His god is hk bellie, his glories his shame,
And old Epicurus is wrong'd be his name.
His preaching consisteth of ratleing and railling,
And storing op Johnstoune and Provost M*Lellane,
And Advocat Wyiic, that upwright good mas,
To peraecut corals and pray for Queen Anne.
Take Flintie and Hogie, Mad Allan or Logan,
To be a professor, or send for some Hogan ;
But Webster himself is a devil ILh divine,
Who numbers the devills that entered the swync
VII.
THE UISTORir Of THE f AMIHE Of MOHY-
MEALL, m A POEM.
From Mylne's £to, MS,
Li****
Brave and great things of this dear Lord
Shall ew stacd upon record.
Time's pamte?, Fault, shall the< hero draw
Swiping the Lady Morton-ha\
Yet when to London he did ride,
A woman hanged him, hack and side;
And never asked who was aught him,
But by the craig fast she caught him,
Laid him on his back, pisht on his lace,
This is, said she, to thy disgrace.
Goe tell thy master at Whitball,
I'm not the Lady Mortonhall;
Ho hyrer boatman at a feme,
For still the marks of me thou shait carry.
And if you come this way again,
Ik civill, else I'll switch you hame?
For to eat potage with billie James,
Wbu oy complained (he) gat few anes ;
For tho' his minnie bairns did bear,
The fjotage pan grew never rnair;
Which signalised the whoW race
With halting limbs and meager face.
But if ye knew you'd cease to wonder,
How these poor gytlines were kept under.
It Is not leasing, but a true taill,
There was still scant at Monymaill.
For the French cook his trade bad lost,
If peats he had not, boyl'd and rost;
Which made the man with the long chinn
Ask at the kitchen what meant the dinn.
But, O ! the family it sadly staines.
That there's a daughter of Provest Maines*
With whom Liven, Earl and Raithie played,
And balms to both oft hath conceived—
Born, said Gillespie, but for her c—y
I'me sure the last did give her money;
But whether he promised marriage or no,
I'me not concerned, Tior do I know.
If this not incest, yet, at least,
You will acknowledge each a beast:
And that this may the more appear,
They*r near of kinn to Major Weir.
This of my Lord, and his airs male ;
Now let us douss my Lady's # taill |
* Her name was Kat, daughter to Lord Balgotij:, x>n o-
t!ud arch-trait ur Ak->;.u:»li.-r Le.^le, Earlc of Leven,
Gei.e-
vjJ! R M.
•••-^•">'«='r -^ .^77.:.^v j&K'&a&mmmwuBm'
12
Bat not so as did Mordeearnie,
Gleyd Morness, and Auchtercarnie;
With diTirsc others still one record
By Cheplan, factor to my Lord;
Who was put aff for hk peeping,
And not my LadVa secret keeping.
For from that moment to this day,
She*H neither with him count nor pray.
But, wllie man, he would not goe,
Untiil his Lordship he did show
Some of the familie's secret sins,
Which pricked his conscience like to pins
How that his Lady nere child did bear.
But Mordecarnie he was ther ;
And lor the midwife ay did runne,
And on his knees clapt close her bunne
As easiest; and so much the rather,
Because she knew him the true father,
The nh . is, that she aft doth eat,
Jn secret, most lascivious meat,
As patridg, pliver, and such things;
And yc u, poor wrestch, cets only wicg^
Of pigeons, intrails, sodu«n carrats,
Which are fit meat for swine and parrats,
But the third sin is yet more odd,
How that as in the fear of Godf
She'd pray at midnight—doth direct
A string to her maid for caiek as i s»aek»
13
And she affirms its most divine
To toiicat with forty nyae.
And stolien waters timy are sweet,
As other things, In secret kept*
But, dear, my lord, if I proceed,
I fear I make your heart to bleed,
Or, which is worse, commit self-murder,
For sticking of your youngest brother ;
Who being mad the gardner did kill,
But you were madder who his blood did spi
Weep then most bitterly with St Peter,
Say not with Cain, Was I his keeper?
For it wiU not that great sin cover,
That they were buried both together;
And, therefor, I will hold my peace,
If by your moyen 1 get some place.
Which ne're till now be could procure
For raalace of that ingrained whore;
But to the cons'trie he is now made fiscal I,
If for devorce his Lordship shall call,
For of a truth I am assured,
They nether meet at bed nor boord.
Which, I confess, looks very odly,
Althoe no scandall to the Godlv.
For what Is vice in other men,
That doth take vertue's place with them;
And when his Grace did sit on high,
He banished out proud prelacie.
14
And Ilia* is sufficient with some,
$m mm past, present; aad to come;
Mow$ cutsed be aH such church reformers,
A» cheats, base kaaves, migod5y scoracrs:
for though Rome's whore they do decry,
They hugg her mor than you and I.
And the Tilde's alcorn they would take*
If for the cause it could hut make;
As for assasmes, popes, aud their plotts,
fhey for outdo, says Doctor Oates.
For these frail mortall life hot takes,
But tSey both it and good names breaks;
Robbing our pastors for all their goods,
Of fame, repute, and lyvliehoods;
But we hope ere it he long
To sing tri God old Zlon's song.
VDPu
THE METAMORPHOSIS, OB THE ROYAL
HONOURS OF SCOTLAND.
A Mock Song to tte Tune of «* Was not mji Lwe
Crafty, or my Mistress afte Loves Mutick* *
1.
Fareweill our ancient kingdom!
Fareweill our ancient kingdom,
That sold thyself
For English pelf,
Was ever such a thing done f
a
Bat is it not great pity,
But is it not great pity,
To think our crown
Is melted down,
And sent to London City ?
3.
And now its given the forger,
And now its green the forger,
To make a pans
For brandy Nan,
The widow of Prince George, Sir.
16
*
But what will she make there on't ?
But what will she make there on't?
'Twill be of use
To catch the juice,
Of the hole that has most hair on*t»
&
And when she thinks it fitt, Sir,
And when she thinks it fitt, Sir,
SheJU squate her a—e
To save the grass
On it, and in it sh—t, Sir.
Was ever plott like this plott,
Wat ttw plott like tills plott,
To spoil the thing
Should crown the King,
To n Jtke for her a pishpott ?
.7,
And where's the royal! scepter ?
And wh«t«*s the royall scepter ?
'Tis made a machine
To f««g the Queen,
Lest f '■'■■"»£ much bad clapt her.
17
a
0 what pollution more b?
O what pollution more is ?
^Thas the tiibM| that was,
To touch our la ws,
Should now touch her clitoris!
a
Nor doe they think they ill;#je,;
Hear doe they think they ill doe,
That the royall wand
That ruled our land,
Is now become a dildoe.
<
10.
And where's the sword of justice ?
And where's the sword of justice ?
Tis broken down
To pinn the gown,
That covers where her lust is.
11.
And sometimes hes the honour,
And sometimes hes the honour,
When summer's hat
To cool her twatt,
And put the sheare upon her.
i2
li
is.
And Is not that sue odd thing?
And is not that ane odd thing f
That the royall Made
Is dwindled,
To a razour and a bodkin.
ia
So fareweill ancient kingdome,
So fareweill ancient kingdome,
Thai sold thyselfe
For English pclfe;
Was ever such a thing done ?
JlA.
FOLLOWS THE NYNTH SETT OF LYUTES ON MRS
M5FARLAH*S INTRIGUE WITH SQUIRE
KELI.O (CAYLEY,)
Squire Kclio and his p—k now in dust lyt-s, ;
For strmng to put it betwixt M*Fariane*s thigh?
A ltd heirby he has test both his lyfe and his pryse.
Which nobody can deny.
19
For Is vain did he think, m in England, at ease
Xo *—k his friend's wife still as oft as he*l please,
As freely's he dyned on his pork and his pease,
Which nobody, &c
And heir we must their base practices bear,
We ne'r lov'd to see a base spumous fir,
Yet the most of all Englishmen otherwise are,
Which nobody, &c.
Now, they all see that Kell o, their squire, cannot say
That Macfarlane's sweet goose sold her honour for
play,
Since to d—d English p—ks here she would not give
way,
Which nobody, &c
Ye curst English, like locusts, who always swarm here,
Take your p—ks back to England, as ye doe your
own gear,
There f—■k on and be d—d before you forbear !
Which nobodv, &c
You were full poor at horns, but heir sow ye grow
rich,
(This raises your lust and your hellish d—-d itch)
This raises your lust unto such a d—d pitch,
That lead bails for your b—ks must cure yon? d—*d
Itch,
Which nobody, &c,
20
LETTER TO €0I». PATRICK VAHS OW SAUK-
BAIiJSLO€H»
Edinburgh 4th October 1716.
Sir,—I doubt not you had account, or will soon
have, of Ilia* tragedy acted by Mrs M'Farland (a
wryter*s wyfe, wb© is a great toast here) upon Com-
missioner Cayley; it is matter of much discourse
here, and creates such "various speculations, as I can
hardly offer you any thing but matter of fact,
which was, that upon Tuesday last, he came to
her lodging, after three o'clock, where he had often
bees at cards and tea. She did not appear till
she had changed all her cloaths In clean dresse,
to her very -mock; then she came into a sort of
drawing-rootti, and from that conveyed him into
her own be 1-chamber. After some conversation
there, she leU him in it, went out to a closet which
lay att some distance from the chamber; She brought
in a pair of chargM pistols, which belonged to Mr
Cayley himself, which Mr M*Farland her husband
had borrowed from him some days befrre, when he
was about t© ryde' to the country; What furder ex-
* The writer of this letter was William M*Dowall bro-
ther of M*Dowall of Freofh in Wigtooshire. Col. Vans
second wile was Frengh's daughter. It has been printed
on account of the light it throws npoa the my stencils mur-
der, oa which the pmediiig poeni k founded.
presstons were on either syde 1 know not, but she
fired one pistol, which only made a slight wound on
the shakle-bone of his left hand, and slanted down
through the floor, which I saw. The other she fired
in aslent on his right breast, so as the bullet pierced
his heart, and stuck about his left shoulder-blade be-
hind. She went into the closet, laid by the pistols,
he having presently fallen dead on the floor. She
locked the door of her room upon the dead body,
sent a servant for her husband, who was in a change
bouse with company, being about four afternoon:
He came and gave her what money he had in the
house, and conducted her away; and after he also
had absented himselfe for about a day, he appeared,
and afterwards declared before the Lords of Judi-
ciary he knew nothing about It till she sent for him,
though some imagine it was a contrivance betwixt
them, Mr Cay ley, it seems, having been so foolish a#
to tell above bis bottle, and in eoffy-houses, what fa*
vours he bad from Mrs M'Farland; and her husband
having expressed his jealousy and inclination of re-
venge, some say, the lady once said to her bust and
she would execute it herselfe. Some say she wa? also
exasperated by his taking up with some other mis-
tresse about Che same tyine; but it is not doubted,
". but they had been perfectly familiar for mert as a year
past, and frequently he had her and her husband att
his country lodgeiag for several days together | and
some say had bestowed upwards of 200 guineas since
2%
their acquaintance in fine presents upon her. I saw
his corps after he was cearcloath'd, and saw his blood,
where be lay on the floor for twenty-four hoars after
he dyed, just as he fell; so as it was a difficulty to
straight Mm; so much for both matter of fact and
speculations. If your transactions of this nature, in
your younger days, were again to be repeated, this
example wold possibly afford ground of caution, as it
will, no doubt, do to such as are yet hott in these
pursuits,
Dear Sir, Adieu.
V 1RSES ON HUGH MACOU^LOH.
Upon that cuckold knight, that ton of Adam,
Who, for to please his wife, hath dub'd her a dam ;
But why a knight ? becav-e he is grown rich t
And why a cuckold ? because he is bewitched,
But when a gentleman, I speer,
My good Lord Lyon will declare
His coat of arms as on the margent,
For surely it was or and argent,
What did provoke him to this bight f
Neither his valour, nor his might,
* Horns.
23
Nor virtues, nor yet extraction,
B«t now the knights are dub d by faction.
But, as your Grace has made him gentle,
Would you have fumish'd him a pintle
To f—k his mMltffl thrice a ni&ht,
It bad pleased her more than ten such knights.
And now that kuightships grown so common,
And honours now bestowed on no man,
It shall be no more said sicut ante
Non in honorato me m honorlnte.
G. M#
WILLIAM LYfHGOW^ WEITEB IH EDINBURGH*
~ HIS EPITAPH*
To the Turn of Hobbw$ Dead,
I.
Edinburgh may say ohon,
And so may Leith and SandhaUon,
Melross Land and Dolpbington,
But what remetd ? ;
All they can doe is to bemoan,
Will Lythgow's dead,
g.
He was a t^iordle isaii of wsr»
And never lordlie of his geer,
Withouten dread;
But now be's laid into his bier,
Poor Willie's dead,
a
Galtounside #nd Darnick toun,
Was neveT free of thief and loan,
Wher Willie did his sorrows drown
In time of need $
Had they him yet they would him crown,
But, oh! he's dead,
To Melrose A! Sacie he went,
To pay the minister Ms stent,
Who to hi® said, y'at welcome Bent,
To say your creed,
Pray taste this brandie, t€ me sent,
Its mild as meed.
Thorn Drouth and he was billie boys,
They took their pint in Willi© Hoyes,
With Isobel Stumpie and her decoyes,
And sew their seed;
But now he's left these idle toyes,
For be is dead.
25
Each day, wbea hewei&iram tfc bed? "
mm Drouth through ale bocaw him Jed,
Where he the lasses leg» did abed
With full great speed:
Home was he carried in a aled;
" But now he'a dead* ■ ■
So prettelie as he did da&ce
With those young lasaes he did launee,
At every step they inocked Fra»«
But now poor Will Heals a trance,
■ For he is dead. :.:-/--•.•-.
Si '.■■-* #»>• --v - . ' *■■
He «» good companie at jeisu,
And wanton wben he came to feasts§
He scora'd the converse of great beasts,
Or a sheep bead,
And would ne'er joke for their requiests;
But now he's dead,
9,
He fetched retimes thrice a day,
LHce Robin Ormston, that lump of clay;
c
3SO
■rarffri ~awataapaaa&ai^^a. sfe^^Ain **av -. ^ i
For he U deed- .-, ,j ;:,<.''-
: .iU* m .-, - *>^...-.:
Good fellows, they took gnat delight
To see him bark, but never bite;
He blethered so as
Shai ki tig Mi head |
But now ba'a dead* .-, V- = -
!.•-., . : - I|».i •'■' "v:- 'j '•«« •' :
VVL1 Keir and Jamie derit fa&a fchew,
Apd sua did aU the drunken crew;
Hi would not rich be as a Jew,
He warned *, :*d $
Yet he mat alwayea ju*t and true;
But now he's dead.
JJC»
\t length bis wife fell to her ricks,
She haunted limmers and great Licks,
S&e drank with them, and priev'd their F
He valued bet aa rotten sticks,
Which was bis dead.
* vr; -^FSr^^
m
His wife w» ii§ (as all are) bad,
$k sold away all that he had, ,
Which broke his bean, and made it sad,
And cold as lead ;
But 9W ImAi d&dL
To Bacchus and ffweet Lcchcrie,
^BpMgfe^itttf A^afeXfeaffe.
atiaWaWfc^afclaValaVSifta^atta^ ^|^Mkjg|a 4s^sferflfett4aV
^fej^^as^
Your inflfffibotir bl&GcL
^s* ^aw^^aw^w ^w^p^^a™^"^W|jaT^aw-^a^iaw
as^^aK^aF^iF^awjF
-xPsP^F W^ ipflpMsw^pP ^w^Jr *" ^F^aw JT^^99 ^pa^w^P^P^i
Hvi *
i^^M^I£&^^
28
XIH.
ABVYCE TO THE DUTCHESS OF CLEVELAND,
16%.
From Lord Fountainhall's MSS.
Quoth the Dutchess of Cleveland to Counsellor
Wright,*
* I would fain have a p— knew I how to come by%
* Tho' my c— be not coy, reputation is nyee,
« Then pray bee delay not to give your advice.
* For footboy * and porters hare gotten by rote
4 That Jack-^ swyved the Dutchess, and had a red coat,
* Hay, perso is of honour to say do not stick,
« That Churchill embroidered bis coat with his §>—-.'
Ye Adttce.
* To a cellar in Sodom your Grace most retyre,
1 Where black potts and porter sitt roun 1 a coale fyre,
* After Lord Chancellor. F.
f John Duke of Marlborough. F, See Mrs Mauley's
Atalantis, where a highly coloured description of the Dnke%
fu-st amour with her Grace is given.
29
< Soetfeebxwuwatweell mansg'd, you're asver to feile,
«Is Otis tro*?'quoth the Dotcbesa, «Aye be God/
'Then give me
' For IM rather be f-—by t>ortew and carmeiJ,
* Then baxard my honour with Churchill or OtTmyn,'
A GENTLEMAN TtJBN TO JACOB KIN LOCH,
FOR CALLING HIM' A DUNCE IK THE
COFFEEHOUSE, 1674
Hew could your baag-tess, so rash sentence pass,
I being b*t a stranger, you therefor
Had never seen nor spoke to ma before;
I'd never heard of you,—so in this case
If your acquaintance had sot the disgrace,
I wonder*d mucb, who Mid wfaal could ye b«s
Till one did thus extract your Pedigree.
1 His guidsyre was a sexton fairie elf,
Liy'd on the d#§d, and digged graves for pelf,
c2
m
He left unto his son —— which several! years,
He did augment by needle, thimble, shear*, ,
Trnprideihatderfll him threw,and diddistiU
Through needle eye, and made him Dean of Gild,
Hi* ribbands then he turned to boot and spurs,
Of Mungrell half, he** neither hounds nor cbi%
His spouse a litter bore whereof the shee,
Wert apes of gentrie, free of modesty,
One called Manna, sweet and sou re Kinloche,
Flay'd pranks in park, and lifted up her hoghe.
Elizabeth, surnamed wanton taill,
Strove with her gowaes and petticoats to trail,
Alse side behind upon her foul foundation,
With alse great ladies as are in the nation,
But as for Jacob, him rightlie to define,
Would pu* to nonplus all the ftfuses nyne;
A dunghi11 brat, the offspring of a louse,
The great^t fooil in all th** Coffee-house,
He who would think to turn him wise ©t cfviil,
With cords of truth, may likeways bind the divill,
Ane ear of corn may grow on a dunghill,
Seem pleasant to the eye, but never fill.*
When I heard this I laugh'd, and said in truth,
I had esteem'd him worthie of my wrath,
Had you not told me,—herons still are s—g,
A Taylor's louse must ever be backbiting,
In fyne, if ye have brains that's worth a t—d,
Return me back an answer from your sword*
SI
1 wish fsm shin a gentle gale to fyiai;
Wofcffm sentlatfiy to &§^^*§tiei
AH HISTORICAL BALLAD.
From a MS. formerly in the Library of the First Duke
of Qucensberry.
1.
Much has been said of strumpets of yore,
Of Lais whole volumes, of Messaline more,
But I sing of a lewder than e'er Hv'd before,
Which nobody can deny.
•5.
From her mother at first die drew the infection;
And as soon as she spoke, she made use of injection,
And now she's grown up to a jilt of perfection,
Which nobody can deny,
32
a
If you told her of bell, she would say'twas a jest,
And swear of all <jods that Priapus was best;
For.hersoul wasa w~—, when she suckt at the breast,
Which her nurses caa*t deny.
"
4.
She once was call'd virgin} but tfwaa but a shamm,
Hei maidenhead never was gotten by man,
She f—g'd It away in the womb of her dam,
Which the midwife could*nt deny.
5,
At length Mr Foppling mack her his bride,
But found (to bring down bis ambition and pride)
Htr fortune out narrow, and her c—t very wide,
WMch he himself can't deny.
a.
In vain he long strove to satiate her lust,
Which still grew more vigVous at every thrust,
No wonder the puny chitt came by the worst,
Which nobody can deny* *
7.
For when he grew sapless, she gave him her blessings
And left his to painting, and patching, and dressing,
But first dubb'd him cuckold, a strange way of jesting,
Which nobody can deny.
3S
a
And now she is free to swive where she pleases,
And where e'er she swives she scatters diseases,
And a sh*aik8r*8 a damn'd loving thing where it seizes?
Which nobody can deny.
9.
There** Hanghton and Elland, and Arran the sett,
(Shee deserres to be pox'd that would f—«k with a
Scott)
All charg'd the lewd faarlott, and all went to pot,
Which nobody can deny.
10,
For that she has babo'd, and ruin'd as many
As Hinton, or Willis, Moll Howard, or any;
And like to those pnnk% will f—k for* penny,
Is what nobody can deny.
II.
To scower the town is her darling delight,
In breaking of windows, to scratch and to fight,
And to ly with her own brawny footmen at night,
Which she herself can't deny*
A, ***?»
Who, tho* they eternally pizzie her bxitch,
Can't allay the wild rage of her letch'rous itch,
Which proves our good lady a monstrous bitch,
Which they themselves can't deny.
9%
la
Bat now, if there's any, or Christian or Jew,
Thai say INj» bely'd her, I advise 'em to goe
And ask the fair creature herself if'tis true,
Which I'm certain she won** deny. •
■wifci. m.. Jiiiiiwwp^«wa«ww»^wpp»wwwwMww>
SON© OH THE TIMES, f
*
The parsons now keep w—s»
Are net these moat blessed times;
The Ssxtora they make bawdy songs,
And sat them to our chiiaes.
Each irentiee now keeps wenches,,
That ne*er before wore Stiffs;
The Aldermen in Whetstone's perk,
Boa tumble all their ruffs,
* The heroine of this pretty ballad h tonjectured to
have been Lady Southesque, of whose amours some account
may be found in Gramnia&t.
f This and the five succeeding articles are from a
^oliime
of MS* Poems «Sd to be by Lwd Rochester (bnt certainly
not aB in hit hand) in tb« Library of All Souls College,
Oxford.
Then a pox on formal fops,
Which former ag^pnuse,
IcgoodQu<«B«»'.d.r>.
The Major of London town
Iifrigg'dbyhistwoshrkYes,
The Bishops b—r up and down,
And all beibitt their sleeves.
The aty wire* have turned Chefipside,
Into a damnM Pell Mell.
They'l drink as drunk, and swive as oft,
As Stuart or CarwelL
Then, &c
Even our good Lord Chancellor,
With Ms pale, meagre &ee,
Doth wish bisb—ks as big as his purse,
And his p—k as long as his mace.
Even in the House of Peers,
If he a vrench should lark,
He'l take and use a judge's a—a
Upon his woolly pack,
Then, &c
God bless Cbarks the SceoGd,
And send him long to reign;
For when W* gone, 'tis tea to one,
Well ne'er have the like again.
God bless handsome Kate $
God bless pious James •
Godblessthelusty Gibbof Cant,*
That swiyes beyond the Thames.
l&ea&c
May Members sell tfaejar *otes,
And keep their country poor,
And taxes raise, to kill our friends,
Be spent on rogue and whore;
Till Charles doe mind his own affairs,
And Kate forget to paint,
And Arlington retuse a bribe,
And blind Lord Vaughan turn saint.
Then &&
XVH.
EXTRACT: FEOM A POEM, ENTITLE®, ADVICE
TO'TME KiMG.
# • # #
Take Temple, who can li?e on cheese aid ale,
Who nerer but to Bishop yet turtfd tell;
She seasoned fit to bear a double brunt;
In her a— London, Bowley in her e—t
* Gilbert Sheldonj translated from Lo«d«» in 1663.
ff
m
» • • ♦
Else chuse Godolpbin, whom there's little hart In;
Shc'l f — for dearths, for all she's called a fortune.
Besides these Swann sad Chiffincb, f—k 'em, fiU'em,
And Mrs VlHiers, aster to Sir William.
♦ • # •
Then for that cob her * son and heir,
Let him remain in Otway'scare,
And make him, if that's possible to be,
«
But Hectors shall forget to drink,
Moll H in ton have no pox nor stink ;
Dryden bo* woo a w...........■ when he caught her,
Or have his pension that's belief, f
• ' # • •
* Nell Gwyn.
j From this poem it appears, that one Hamilton wm call-
ed the father of the Dutcliess of Cleveland's children.
©
ss
XVHI.
OK THOMAS EARL OF DAN BY, LATE LORD
HIGH TREASURER OF ENGLAND,
1678-9.
Tune—Peggy Benson.
Zounds, what means the Parliament ?
are drunk with brandy,
When they went, to circumvent,
Thomas Earl of Danby*
But this ungrateful will appear,
As any thing that can be|
For they received fiddlers fare
From Thomas Earl of Danby.
Sir John CopBlestone did incite
All those he thought woi:M bandy,
For any thing, bee't wrong ot right,
For Thomas Earl of Danby.
But Shaftesbury did lie and lurk,
That little Jack a Dandy,
And all his engines set on work,
'Gainst Thomas Earl of Danby.
it
Now whether be will stay or goe,
I think 'da handy dandy,
If he stay, he'l be bang'd, I trow,
Poor Thomas Earl of Danby!
Of subjects I did ne'er hear i^
Nor can any in this land be,
That deserves a halter half as well,
As Thomas Earl of Danby.
Willi what colour couldst thou say,
Since Lumbard Street can brand thee,
That thon thf Exchequer debts didst pay,
Fye, Thomas Earl of Oanby!
He was bid aay so by his wife,
That he might still fee & grac dee,
For be ne'er told a He in his life,
True Thomas Earl of Daoby,
Then Commons trust him not a whit,
If you do, you'll trapann'd be,
There's not so false a Jesuit,
As Thomas Earl of Dasby.
Lewder whores were never known,
By Richard or by Manby,
As all the daughters now are grown,
Of Thomas Earl of Baaby.
40
Lady Ana • has got a trkk,
To lay her gloves and fan by,
And take Beau Fielding by the p—,
In spite of Cook or Danby.
Kate swives and tosses tip hsr bead,
Like any Bully Sandy,
The saltest bitch that e're was bred,
By Thomas, Earl of Danby.
Old forehead-doHi, B (whom God confound),
Makes her daughters stand by,
Whilst she bersetf f—s with Lansdown,
For all the Earl of Danby.
'Cause Seymour to be Speaker, is
The fittest man that can be,
He therefore now rejected i%
By Thomas Earl of Danby.
* Lady Anne Col s.
jf Picas women formerly wore forebeatft-clothes. This
cos-
tume of Lady Danby's i» alluded to is another ballad, called
The Cheijuer-Iim,
" "Use Lady dress'd like any bride,
Her forehead-cloth had laid aside,
And smiling through did sail;
Tbo* they had dirted so the room,
That she was forc*d 'to call for groom ;
To cany ap her tail.
State PmmSi vol. h
41
Lwl lAtimer has dap'* ^s w ife»
It is at true as can be,
It bad \&m to ham cos* be? bet Me,
For all t*» E**1 «* Banby.
His daughter I** w» nose most flatt,
With still aad close-stool pan by*
Swears brother Bnan, has post to bum,
And curses !h* Barl of Banby.
Gaffer Taia, hatb another Baffe,
And Ims §o* house and land by,
Before fifteen, on* of d-----d Green,
Ah! Thomas Earl of Dauby.
His ideeiner Jan^ »win* down the Thames,
And has past Goodwin Sands by,
The Crown nor heir, be doth not spare,
To ihelter Tom of Banby.
His wife most sad, and almost mad,
Hath laid her forehead band by,
And bath contrived, to be swi?ed,
Only, by Collingwood and Dauby.
B 2
4f
OH THE DUTCHESS OF PORTSMOUTH'S GOING
BEYOHD SEA.
When Portsmouth did from England %
To follow ber Vendosme,
Then all along the Gallery
Our Monarch made Ms moan,
" Ah! Chatilion, in charity,
" Send sm, my old w------home.
" Goe nymph, soe fickle and unkind,
«* A wandering knight pursue,
" And leave a lo?e-sick King behind,
* Soe constant and soe true;
** Yee Gods, tvben you made Love so blind,
*« Yee should hate lam*d htm too."
43
A DIALOGUE.
Nkllt.
When to the King I bid good-morrow,
With tongue la mouth, and hand on tarse,
Portsmouth may rend het&-~I Ibr sorrow,
And Mazarine may kiss mine a—e.
PORTSMOUTH,
When England's monarch march's on my belly,
With p—k in c—t tho' double cramm'd,
Fart of rome a~ for small coal Nelly,
And great whore Mazarine be d——d.
Ki*g.
When in Portsmouth's lap I lay my head,
And Knight doth sing her bawdy song
I enyy not George Porter's bed,
Nor the delight of Madam Long. •
• ** With ill luck in battle, hut worse in wit,
Oeorge Porter began for the laurel to bawl,
Bat Apollo did think such impudence fit
To fee thrust out of Court as he's out of Whitehall."
4H
Floras.
Now Heaven preserve our faith's defender
From Paris plots and Roman
From Mazarine, that new pretender,
And from that political Grammont.
xxn.
ON MRS ELLEN €W¥H AMB THE KIKG.
There was a Jade Nelly, liv*d in the Fall Mail,
And Charles the Second kept her;
She had learned a. trick, to play with a p—,
But never laid hands on the Sceptre.
All matters of strte, she does utterly hate,
And refers It to the politick bitches;
Foot where, in the sight, 'tis all b«sr delight
To scratch in the place where it itches.
Mr ^George Porter was a fashionable mas at Court,—-he
fell in love with the Dutchess of Richmond (ViBiers), but
being baulked in that passion, he took Mrs Long, an ac-
tress, into keeping, retiring with her to the country. There
is a portrait ©f a Madame Jane Long mentioned by Granger,
(Lely, puxxit. R. Tompson, excudit, h. sh. men.), in aE
probability the same person,
45
XXffl.
ON TBM LAIRD OP OUGHTERTTH'S MARRIAGE
WITH MRS JFBAN MAT*
By this time he's hoaght her, she's bidden bis fire,
This length be has bnraght her, by this tyine he's
nought her,
She aye cries, Dear Oughter,—btrt never cries,—tyre,
Fra once that he sought her, and gott his desire,
Quhen first he appvoacfct ber, bet Icggs goes a&parr,
Yet brisklie he broacht her; quh«n first he ap proacht
her,
With doubletts be Jorcht her, and hits m a barr,
Quhen that be encroacht ber with legga ail asparr.
Who doubts their imgressioB^lethifirview the btida's
smoak,
There needs no confessionj who doubts their coa-
gression,
He*l see Ae impression of the cream and bloodie yock,
Who doubts their congresskra, let him view the bride's
smoak.
46
%mtT BY LORD BINNING W A FBWTEH CON-
VENIENCB, UNDER A LADY^ BED.
You, happy Pot, more blest than I,
Can every beauteous object spy,
Those charms I'd give tbe world to see
Are every day despised by thee!
Me, and my love, Im fair one shuns,
And to thy cold embraces runs,
My tender strain cm never please,
And you alone cai. give her ease.
Ah, happy pot,—when to thy lips
She joins her sweet celestial hips!
But you're unworthy of her charms,
For this your nature never warms,
What though she press you to her skin,
You still remain as cold as tin;
When she withdraws, you feel no pain,
And ne*er desire the bliss again.
Ah! could 1 my vile form resign,
And next assume a shape like thine,
"When she did half those charms display,
I'd blase with love, and melt away ;
: m ., .
Id burn my charmer to the quick,
And to the wound for ever stick,
With no proud Kiog 1*4 change my lot,
Bui live and' dye a chamber-pot
XXV.
LORD BINNING'3 RECEIPT TO MAKE MAW-
WALLOP.
Just after you've din'd, take a dish that is large,
And la it whatever you've eaten discharge.
And get all the folks, that are at the table,
To spew in the same as long as they're able.
Let them strain very hard, till all Is brought up ;
For the more spew there is, the better the soup,
Break the lumps undigested, and duck clotted stuff,
Then strain't through a handkerchief clotted with snuff.
Take a pint and ahalf of thick yellow phlegm,
From a cough that is rotten, hawk*d up with a hem.
Add a pint of the liquor of laiars* sore legs,
Beat up in a dish with a few rotten eggs.
Boil then in a bed-pan just hot from the bum,
A ad stir it about with your finger and thum
,
m
Then add to this coction the spices that follow,
Some doves taken out of a tooth that is hollow,
Some scabs of scald beads, and sweat of your toes,
Some quids from jour month, and plugs from jour
nose;
But first moisten the scabs, the quids, and toe plugs,
With the juice of sore eyes, and essence of bugs;
Season these with an onion pull'd from a sore ear,
Corruption and all, if it be not too clear;
Then add cabbage-leaves taken fresh from a blister,
With an old woman's stool that has just had a clyster,
And put in the pipe that is just taken out,
If beshit 'tis the better, and stir it about;
And if you would have it exceedingly nice,
Take an ounce of ear-wax, and ten score of lice.
Some mink an improvement is made to the dish,
By adding thereto sora ■ bits of proud flesh,
And nine horses rowels, fried in blackai3u*>or*s snot,
"With a handful of peas from an issue just hot.
But if you would have it much thinner than mis,
Dilute to your teste with a little cat's piss.
Then instead of a lemon, or orange of Seville,
Squeeze in a child's t—d, that has got the king's m Jl#
<#
XXVI.
VERSES BY LORD BINKIKG OH HIMSKLF.
Some cry up little Hyndy, * for this and for that,
And others James Dalrymple, tho* be be somewhat
&t;
But of all the pretty gentlemen of whom the town do
tell,
Emilius, Emilius, he bears sway the beli
Some cry up ranting Rothes, whose face is like the
moon,
Nor Highlander nor mSf«i#py can put him out o* tune;
Bat of all the pretty gentlemen of whom the town do
tell,
Emilius, Emilius, he hears away the hell.
Some cry up Binning's father, for fighting at Dunv
Maine:
But Banning says he sh—t his breeks, fur fear of be-
ing taen.
But of all the pretty gentlemen of whom the town do
tell
Emilius, Emilius, he bears away the bell.
Some cry up Earl Lauderdale, tho' he be grim and
black:
For at the battle o* Sherriffmuir he neTer turtfd his
back. ;
* Probably Lord Hyndford.
a
50
But of all the pretty gentlemen of whom the town do
tell,
JEmilius, Emilias, he bears away the bell.
Some cry up pretty Pol warth, for his appearance great,
For wf Ms Orange regiment the rebels he defeat.
But of all the pretty gentlemen of whom the town do
tell,
Emilias, Emilius, he bears away the bell.
Some cry op the Laird ©* Grant, cause he came fore-
most in,
Aim! others wee Balgonie, for naething but bis chin.
But of all the pretty gentlemen of whom the town do
tell,
EmiEus, Emilius, he sears away the bell.
Some cry up our great General * for managing the
war,
Tho* at the battle o* Dumblane he pusb'd the foe too
far;
But of all the pretty gentlesaien of whom the town do
tell,
Emiliusj Emilius, he bears away the belL
I ha¥e nae skill in politicks, therefore I'll hold my
tongue,
But you'l think that I hae gab enough, tho' I'be some-
what young;
But I'll sell von a secret, mv fairv Binning elf,
^, m 0
Exsilius, Emlsius* 1 sw**ar it i* yourself*
51
OK TUB LOUDON TEA DRINKERS.
* To the Tune of Sally in mr JOky*
Of all the turds that ladies shite,
I much prefer a hard one,
For that's a turd a man may tale,
Faf i!tf Sirs, I ask j<m pardon.
I bate your silly squirting turds,
So much resembling mustard,
They canH be cat without a spoon,
They look so like a cow's turd.
Some country ladies shite such turds,
As makes them for id tremble.
While city wW« make fifty wort.,
And scarce can fill a thiiribla
Haw can it be f fTis driliking Tea,
So painful fa their a——,
The only girls that shite for me,
Are jolly country lasses*
The fanned daughter shites a turd,
That will nine inebes measure,
And yet she neter mnykes a word,
Bat doth it at her pleasure,
• Attribute! tv Lord Buaaine.
^M^i^^^^ijiS^^
52
Such girls as these my fancies please,
Who scorn to shite like jellies,
But shite a jolly nut-brown turd,
Enough to fill their bellies.
The Ixmdon miss eomes home from school,
To eat an ounce of mutton,
Then drinks her Tea, and like a fool
Goes forth to crack a button.
While country girls eat barley bread,
With toasted cheese apd butter,
Then shite a turd mil break your head,
They hate the lame of squitter.
Since tga you see, so fam'd "must b\
'Mongst city wives so pleasant,
And that its feme, hath spread a name
T' infect each country peasant.
That and South Sea, a plague wiU be,
Whilst fools keep up the fashion,
And they you find, if you*re not blind,
Have damaged halfe the nation.
The tradesmen spare no toil nor care,
To raise the stocks they've gained,
Bat yet you see, by this base tea,
Their wealth from them Is drained.
We blame the Dutch, for dealing much
In things called butter boxes,
m
■•■'.■■.'■
^
But most men curse, their spouses worse \
Since tea exhausts their pouches,
No wonder butter is so bad,
And china-ware so precious,
Since on skim-milk, the poor must feed,
And cream, the rich lascivious.
And those who do adore them,
For such consumptiTa plagues did ne'er
Sure ever come before thero« •
• This seeras tote in imitation of an older «ng,form«r-
If cm rent in ifat sontib of Scotland, which begins thus.
Shittkcome shit', the beginning of love,
Kiss my a-e is sae swearing 5
If youl go to Shittlecome fair,
Youl get a bit Ait for yoar fairing.
C%er**j.—-Eat a wee hit of ii, keep a wee bit of it,
Eat a wee bit of it fairly ;
A bit at night when ye go to bed,
And a bit in the morning tarty.
The country hisses are a' aae fct,
Wi barky haps and butter,
They sh—e a sb—e as big as a kirk,
And scorn to ca't the skitter.
<3Wi4i,—-Eat a wee bit, &e,
* %
i
54
JL&¥ 111*
SIGKIOE DILDOE. 1678. *
You ladies all of merry England,
Who have been to kiss the Dutchess's hand,
Pray did you not lately observe In the show,
A noble Italian, called Signior Dildoe ?
This Signior he was of the Dutchess's train,
And help'd to conduct her quite over the main;
But now she cries out to he Duke, he may go,
* I have no more need for the Signior Dik" **«.*
At the sign of the Ctoss in St James^Jstreet,
When next you go thither to inateyourselves sweet,
By buying of powder, glores, essence, or so,
You may chance to get sight of the Signior Dildoe.
You would take him at first for no person of note,
Because lie appears in a plain leather coat;
But when you his vertuous abilities know,
You will fall down and worship the Signior Dildoe,
• Tb*» verses by the Eari of Rochester have beec he-
fere priatei (hm ir.rsrreetly) ir. tht $*<**<? ^oems*
55
My lady Southesk, Heaven prosper her for't,
first cloth'd him in sattin, then brought him to court;
But his head is the circle he scarcely durst show,
So modest a youth was the Signior Dildoe.
The good Lady Suffolk, thinking so harm,
Had got this poor stranger hid under her arm;
Lady Betty * by chance came the secret to know,
And from her own mother stole Signior Dildoe.
The Countess of Falmouth, f of whom people tell,
Her footmen wore shirts of a guinea an til;
Might save these expenses, if she did but know,
How lusty a swinger is Signior Dildoe.
By the help of this gallant the Countess of Rafe,
Against the fierce Harris preserv'd herself safe,
She stiffled him almost beneath her pillow,
So close she embraced the Signior Dildoe.
That pattern of vertue, her Grace of Cleveland,
Has swallow'd more p—ks than the nation has land j
But by rubbing and scrubbing so wide it does grow,
It is fit for just nothing but Signior Dildoe.
• Lady Elisabeth Howard, married to Sir Thomas
Felton.
f Elizabeth B&get, vide Gramont,
56
Our dainty fine Dutchesses having a trick,
To dote on a fool for the sake of his —-
The fops were undone, did their Graces but know
The discretion and vigour of Siguier Dildoe.
Hie Dutches* of Modeoa, tho' abe looks high,
Willi such m gallant is contented to lie;
And lest thai the EngUsh her secrets should know,
For her gentleman usher took Signior Didoe.
The Countess of the Cockpit * (who knows not her
came?)
She's famous in story for a kilHng dame ;
When all her old lovers ftrsake ber, I trow,
S&e'l then be contented w th Signior Dildoe.
Bed Howard, Bed Sheldon, aad Temple so tall, f
Complain of his absence so long from Whitehall j
Signior Barnard has promis'd a journey to go,
And bring back bis countryman, Signior Dildoe.
Moll Howard no longer with his highness nrust range,
And therefore is proffer'd this civil exchange;
Her teeth being rotten she smells best below,
And needs must be fitted for Signior Dildoe.
* Lady Shrewsbury.
f Afterwards Lady Littleton. She was short of stature.
m
St Albans, with wrinkle* and smiles ©a his face,
Whose kindness to strangers becomes his high place;
In his coach and six horses is gone to Pergo, *
To take the fresh air with the Sigruor Dildoe.
Were this Signior but known to the citizen fops,
He'd keep their fine wives from the foreman of shops;
But the rascals deserve that their horns still should
grow,
For burning the Pope and his nephew Dildoe.
Tom Killigrew's f wife, that Holland's doe flower,
At the sight of this Signior did f—t and belch sour;
And then her Dutch breeding still further to show,
Says, welcome to England Myne Heer Van Dildoe.
He civilly came to the Cockpit one night,
And proffer'd bis service to fair Madam Knight. \
Quoth she, I intreague with Captain Caszo, §
Your nose in mine a— good Signior Dildoe.
This signior is sound, safe, ready and dumb,
As ever was candle, carrot, or your thumb;
* A country seat of Lord St Albans.
f The play maker and Jester. See Gramont.
| The celebrated singer,
§ For some curious translations of this word, and its de-
rivations, see Flerio's Italian Dictionary, dedicated .'to
Queen Arme of Denmark.
58
Then away with thene nasty devices, and show
How you rate the just merit of Siguier Dildoe.
Count Cazzo, who carries Ms nose very high,
In "passion he swore that his rival should die ;
Then shut himself up, to let the world know,
Flesh and blood could not bear it from Signior Dildoe.
A rabble of p—«s who were welcome before,
Now finding the porter denied them the door,
Maliciously waited Ms coming below,
And inhumanly fell on the Signior Dildoe.
Well nigh wearied out, tl e poor stranger did fly,
And along the Pall-Mall ihey followed foil cry ;
The women, concern'd, f om every window,
Cry*d, O, for heaven's sake, save Signior i^ildoe.
The good Lady Sands • burst into a laughter,
To see how the b------ks came wobbling after;
And had not their weight retarded the foe,
It had gone very hard with poor Signior Dildoe.
* Matter of the maids of honour.
53
LINES ON MR THOMAS RIGG, A GENT., AitD
JO. HUNTEH, •
From Milne's MSS.
Silence envy, your fulse reports let be,
Brand not St Thomas with adulterie,
I'll ne'er believe Ms zealous soul could act
So vile, so godless, so propbane a fact;
Some vaiu chimera has your thoughts misled,
You think you saw him, hut a ghost you had.
For ghosts did often walk among the tombs,
Hence your phanatick apparition corner
It was the twilight, at which time we know,
One thing to many people seemeth two.
He but ill wishes to the pnssbytrie,
Would stain tills holy saint with infamie.
I'll not believe him though be were my father,
Nor idiot Idingstone, nor Coline Lawder.
Envy may deall without side, but no more,
As it has done the best of men before,
That modest gentlewoman, Mrs Hunter,
Ke'er deera'd of any yet to be a bunier. |
• AMeadging Mr Rigg had lyen with Hunter's wife in
tireyfriars yard. R. M.
i] Cunter 'in another hand-.)
m
So much abused with your damn'd assertions,
Her husband sure will not trust such assertions,
For Mr Bigg came but by accident
Upon her, looking on a monument, .
And only helped her to tend the lines,
Ho evil certainly was in their minds;
A girl was beside them, with a book
On which she read: does that like baseness look?
Who acts such things would more retirement seek,
For hardly there would be get down a briek,
A nasty place, and so defiled before,
That none could offer to defile it more.
It was beside a new er icted tomb;
They say that Ballop < stood before her womb,
But no conjunction ceuld be there diseera'd,
So what was any body more concerned ?
Nor could it be amiss to've join'd together,
Could he bare rais'd up seed upon his brother j
It were great pity good ground should ly ley, *
For saints do often labour powerfully.
But all is false tot of them yet is spoken,
111 not believe it in so small a token,
For Mr Bigg's a man of wit and grace,
John Hunter will be Thomas in the case,
r*or wi 11 he for such speeches moved be,
He thinks it fit with such reports to gke. %
§ Rigg*s designation was BaBop
«[ N=-ta,—'Mr Hunter v* gleed.
K. M,
FINIS-
&^$H&